At&t smart home manager

I’m done.
TL;dr
Hi all,
So I’ve been with my husband for 3 years, we met online during the pandemic and basically had a whirlwind romance/relationship.
We stupidly got married so we could close the distance, I’m Irish, he’s Canadian.
He moved here to be with me, thought it was a great idea at the time which has now only made me realise, we are growing apart and I’m ready to end the marriage.
A month after we got married, a huge bombshell dropped on my family about my childhood, I was sexually abused, which I kept hidden for 10 years. This all came out a month after I got married, it had affected me greatly, my mental health hasn’t been the best, I’m suffering with anxiety and PTSD.
My husband has been somewhat supportive, as best as he can. Though since living together, I’ve taken on most of the household responsibilities/duties. I could be cleaning the house while he just sits there and reads ALL DAY, even while I’m working(I work from home) he works about 12-18 hours a week in a pub. I work full time to support us and my 10 year old son from a previous relationship.
Another issue is, he has no interest in forming a relationship with my son, and obviously this is a huge deal for me and it only became noticeable since living together.
I’m ready to end the marriage and move on and heal myself - I know it will hurt him but I know deserve better, not once since he moved here has he taken me out on a date, cooked us dinner or just overall helped me while going through this upheaval in my life. It’s our one year anniversary in August and I know he has nothing planned nor will he.
I feel defeated 😞 I’ve had conversations with him asking him to change his behaviour and help out more or to take his step son out to bond with him. It’ll change for a week tops and go back to the same crap thereafter. I love him, but I’m not in love with him anymore, living together has really opened me eyes to us not being compatible. 🫤
Any advice on how to approach this? I’m scared but I know I deserve better.

I have 3 tp link EAP245 setup in my home. Two are wired from the main floor back a managed switch in my basement and take care of bottom and middle floor.
I have a third on my top (third) floor connected to a managed switch for some soffit POE cameras. This top EAP245 connects to the bottom via mesh and has been working great. I would like to put my POE cameras on to a separate VLAN and was wondering if this is possible with my current setup?

My partner and I have been together for 3 years now and we live together. At first, I used to do all the cleaning and laundry because I felt like I owed them one for being the one working more than me. Now we both work full time jobs. Their job is more flexible and they have better hours than I do. I tend to work midday shifts and they work morning shifts. My partner wasn’t so messy before-until suddenly one day they just kind of stopped picking up for themself. They even admitted to me that they just didn’t feel like they needed to be as clean as they used to be because now we’ve been together for awhile. Well….I find that to be immature and disgusting. They like to eat in the room and have their drinks in the room. The thing is, they won’t throw anything away and will just leave things on their desk or on the floor. There will be chip bags on the floor, cookie containers on the desk, cups of water, or even sometimes cups that had milk in them. I need a clean space and they don’t seem to get how disgusting it is. Don’t let me get started on the bathroom because they don’t dare touch the bathroom. I’ve talked to them multiple times about it and it always turns into an argument. I am autistic but a very low level. I tend to have trouble not realizing if I’m coming off rude or not. So, at times I feel like it might be my tone of voice that is causing to upset them. They’ve argued about not having time after work or not being able to do it on the days they don’t work because they simply want to relax. I would love to relax too! We’re adults and things need to get done. I’ve been only cleaning up my things to see if they would notice how messy they are. Unfortunately that didn’t work. I hate bringing it up because I feel like I have to walk on eggshells and choose my words carefully just to ask them to clean up. Anyway, they recently been trying to help with the cleaning…but doesn’t really try their best to get it done. They like to cut corners. I tell them which chores need to be done and they’ll pick the “easy one” but they half ass them all the time. If it’s to vacuum they don’t move things around to get under things, if it’s to throw trash they don’t pick up the little empty bottles or anything that is considered trash. They simply just empty the trash can and that’s it. I try to show them how to do it the “right way” so they know what I mean when I tell them, but they get mad/frustrated. It gets frustrating seeing them relaxing when I get home and it’s still a mess! I know, at times, I do take it out on them and that’s only because I just came home from a long day of work and now I have to clean up after them! That still doesn’t make it right. I just don’t want to be the only one cleaning, but I don’t want to be the one that has to follow them around to redo the chores. That would mean I’m still the only one cleaning! At this point, I just feel like giving up and doing everything on my own…

Hi everyone, not asking anything, but I just wanted to share my recent experience with my network and IoT devices mainly.
First, let's just establish some points about my setup;

• I have a fairly large house, about 4,000 square feet.
  
• My walls are thick and made of stones and cement material. Also, my window are thick (north of Quebec province, Canada), so WiFi does not pass easily through windows.
  
• I want access to my garage, but also in my yard, but my terrain is 60,000 square feet.
  
• My previous system consisted of 1 x Asus RT-AC88U (main router and inside the home) and 2 x Asus RT-AC5300 (one inside the garage and the second one inside the home, at the other end), all wired.
  
• I have about 60 to 70 devices connected at all time (computers, Nest, smart bulbs, smart plugs, NAS, smartphones, etc.)
  
• I only have one neighbour and I can barely see his network (-90 dBm), so barely no interference from there, besides that, it's only me.
  

I tried several things, but I had bad internet from outside (everyday several smart bulbs around the house were disconnecting) and inside the house, it was better, but it happened too.
I tried Ai Mesh from Asus, didn't work well either, no better results. The better results I was able to get is let my main router (AC88U) act as the DHCP and main routing device while the 2 other ones were acting as access points broadcasting their own SSID unique SSID and operating on their own channels (1, 6 and 11 for 2.4 Ghz and 36 and 149 for 5 Ghz). It was 'ok', but not ideal.
Just to say, a lot of my smart bulbs use the Smart Life app, and one of my main issue is that it was laggy when trying to manually open/close a bulb or plug, even trying to see the device properties was painful, it took minutes, and often, it didn't work, it closed and I had to click on it again just to see properties. So either my smart bulbs sucked or my network was the issue. I tried different brands, same results. The, during my purchases, I tried Sengled smart bulbs, the one that need a smart hub. I bought 3 of these hubs + 6 smart bulbs and they always worked 100% of the time when bulbs were placed somewhat near the hub..., so..., the network was the issue, especially wireless network.
I had the AC88U for quite some time, about 6 years or so and had the 2 x 5300 for about 3 years, so it was maybe time for an upgrade. So I bought this gear;

• A TL-R605 TP-Link VPN router (mechanical room)
• A TL-SG108PE PoE switch (mechanical room)
• 1 x EAP225 v3 access point (east of the house, indoor, PoE)
• 1 x EAP670 v1 access point (west of the house, indoor, PoE)
• 2 x EAP225-Outdoor access points (1 x mounted on garage, outdoor, PoE and 1 x on the other end of the terrain, outdoor, PoE)

So I removed everything Asus and installed all this on my network and all over my house and..., while broadcasting was better outside, as predicted since I passed from one RT5300 inside my garage to 2 x EAP-225-Outdoor located well..., outdoor, I still had performances issues, disconnected devices, etc., it was disappointing considering my investment.
Then, I read, I read A LOT about the subject and starting to see something here : I had just too many devices on my 2.4 Ghz network per channel. I also saw on the Omada software that I had a lot of interference on the 2.4 Ghz band.
The first thing I saw is that my Google Nest devices (I have 4) were all on the 2.4 Ghz network, but 'should' be ok on the 5 Ghz band. I then saw that some Nest devices would not work correctly on 5 Ghz network if it wasn't on channel 36 (below 100), so I made my EAP670 work on channel 36 and voilà, I could join all my Nest devices to the 5 Ghz band, removing 5 devices on the 2.4 Ghz.
Then my security cameras (5), instead of running on the 2.4 Ghz, I changed them to be PoE devices. Again, removing 5 devices on the 2.4 Ghz band.
I looked again on the Omada software and by only removing 10 devices, interference was lower, but still there.
I then changed other smart bulbs (4) and smart plus (2) that were on the 2.4 Ghz band onto Sengled, which is a wired hub and communicate to that hub with another non-interfering band. -6 devices removed from 2.4 band.
I used WiFi analyzer on my smartphone to move around the house and manually choose the best 2.4 Ghz band for each access point (made that too for my 5 Ghz network at the same time) inside the Omada controller. I also enabled things like fast roaming, band steering, load balancing. The same SSID is used all across access points but with different channels as stated before.
I might have made 1-2 more small things here and there, but at the end of the day, the results are that everything works like a charm now. I have no disconnected devices for days, not at all in fact since those changes were made, all devices have great reception and, on top of that, my Smart Life app which control my smart IoT devices, is blazing fast !
If I look inside Omada, I have about 1 % interference inside my 2.4 Ghz network, peak being 2 % and my 5 Ghz is at 0 %, peak being 1 %. My packet retries and packet drop are also really, really low. I can walk around and see my device passing from AP to AP without an issue, signal is always stellar.
My conclusion is, and I'm no expert, just an enthusiast;

• As much as you can, wire everything.
  
• Separate the 2.4 network from the 5 Ghz to be sure what you're using.
  
• Try to keep it under 10 operating 2.4 Ghz device per access point/channel, higher than that I saw the interference getting higher
  
• Avoid the 2.4 Ghz band..., as much as you can, put everything that can on the 5 Ghz band
  
• Don't buy 2.4 Ghz exclusive Wifi, try to find them for the 5 Ghz band, working with a wired hub or wired IoT devices.
  
• If you have more than one access point, make sure to use different channels on each of them so it won't interfere with each other and will balance device per channel on both bands.
  

There are other things I will try (separate vlans/SSID for remaining IoT devices), but as it is, my setup is running like a charm, could be better, but honestly, it's working great like it is.
Again, I'm not an expert, but I read a lot and made several tests and this is where my journey has led me, a perfect working network with no interference, no disconnection and blazing fast internet. My 2 sons even told me that their online gaming was way better, more stable. Before all this, they had hangups here and there. They play on the 5 Ghz network since no wires goes inside their rooms.
I might have forgotten something, but this is the main story, hope it can help someone. If there's question, I would gladly respond to them the best I can.

My husband and I are planning a trip back to his home country this summer when I’ll be 30 and 31 weeks. My insurance of course will cover me in the event of a premature birth, but since this is within 9 weeks of my due date, I cannot get coverage for my unborn baby. This means that if I go into labour, I’ll be covered but my baby born at 30/31 weeks won’t be and they’ll need NICU for several weeks.
I’m not concerned about ME giving birth down there - there’s excellent hospitals and NICUs, and we’re staying comfortably with his family. I am concerned about now having insurance extend to my little one. That’s a lot out of pocket if something goes wrong.
If it matters, the travel isn’t bad. Heading down there we take 2x 3-3.5 hour flights which is broken up by an overnight. Returning back to Canada there’s no overnight hotel stay.
Would you travel without insurance extending to a potential new born?

I met my ex in 2012, right after he turned 20 and I had just turned 30. I had only dated and been with women exclusively until I came out as bi-sexual at 28. Let’s just say the year I was 29 was a busy year making up for what I missed out on. It was mostly casual hookups (yes, safe) and I did try dating 2 different guys for a few weeks, but it just never worked out or got serious. I kinda figured that I’d probably end up marrying a woman or not getting married at all because I just didn’t see myself catching romantic and sexual feelings for a guy. Then I met Ryan. From the first date it was just like the only other time in my life I had fallen in love…butterflies, constantly thinking about him, wanting to spend every moment with him. He fell for me hard too and we became an item, though he did say while he considered my bisexuality a turn on, because he had a thing for straight guys, it also gave him pause because of my desires for the opposite sex and his concern it may lead me astray. I thought about it and understood it was a legitimate worry, but assured him that I couldn’t even think about anyone else because I was really into him. Note: I knew he was the one by the end of the first month and I was in love, but I wasn’t going to say these things too soon and risk scaring him off.
On our first date he admitted to me that he was legally blind due to a genetic disorder and that it was progressive and eventually he would only have a sliver of his peripheral vision. He immediately said he understood if I didn’t want to see him again because no other guy had wanted to date him and be his driver all of the time. I grew up with a brother in a wheelchair who never learned how to walk or talk due to misdiagnosed meningitis at 6 months old back in the 70s. I told him that and said that what my brother had was a severe disability, so in my perspective, his blindness had no effect in my feelings and that always being the driver was a small sacrifice just to be with him.
The following years were bliss. We brought out the best in each other. My family who was surprised, but very supportive when I came out, adored Ryan and treated him like family and said that I acted happier since we’d been together. When I met him he was working part-time in retail and had done very poorly in high school because he lost a lot of his confidence as his vision deteriorated. I told him that one thing I did insist on was that he do something with his life because he had too much to offer and that I would help. He said that he’d wanted to be a teacher but didn’t think someone with limited vision could teach….nonsense. So I put him through community college for 2 years, then 2.5 years of a local university and finally the 1 year teacher certification program as required by California. I drove countless miles and paid hundreds in public transportation costs for him, never blinking an eye or complaining.
We’d been together for 7.5 years and were engaged to be married in October by the time he was in his last semester of his teaching certification which involved him student teaching at his former high school with his favorite teacher from his days in school. Then the pandemic hit and schools closed. Fortunately he’d had enough hours in the classroom that he would still qualify to be certified after the Governor issued a waiver via executive order. On the 3rd day of the stay at home order in March my life crumbled when I innocently found out he had cheated on me with an ex all because he handed his phone to me to show me something on Instagram. I accidentally fat thumbed the back arrow when he gave it to me taking me back to a list of all his messages. I looked and recognized the name of his ex as the second message, dated a week ago. I clicked on it and my heart sank. Directions to my house, pictures, dirty talk, and reassuring him not to worry about me because he had my location on my “Find My Friends,” just in case I came home from work.
I immediately started screaming demanding to know everything and he admitted to having his ex over twice for sex and that they didn’t use protection (his ex was engaged to his gf during this, adding another victim). Then he admitted to sleeping with his straight but curious recently single cousin (by marriage) twice, again no protection. Finally he admitted to sleeping with a supposedly straight guy he and many of my cousins went to school with who I told Ryan I really didn’t like him or want them talking because I didn’t trust him after what I'd read about him. Since they were never close friends I didn’t feel like this was a big sacrifice or that I was being too controlling AND I assumed that he knew why I (and all my cousins) felt that way, but didn’t bother repeating it. The reason was after high school at age 20 this guy was convicted of sexual assault and penetration with a foreign object against a 16 year old girl and had gone to jail and required to register as a sex offender for life. Apparently my ex was the only person in his graduating class that hadn’t heard that news. All of this happened in my home while I was working. We spent the whole weekend crying with me asking over and over why and him repeatedly crying and saying he just didn’t know and that he felt terrible.
Monday comes around and anger started being as common as sadness and I made a comment that said I was going to pull all the phone records going back the 3 years that AT&T kept them (for a fee). Only when he heard that did he admit to one more guy. Some random named Frankie off the gay hookup app Grindr who was the first guy he cheated with and continued to casually hookup with for nearly 2 years with the last time being in February (the month before). He told me how it started. Get this – it was the DAY AFTER his graduation with his BA in May 2018 and he was drunk from celebrating and wanted to have sex. I too had been celebrating with him and said I was too drunk to perform and said I’d make it up the next day, then passed out asleep on the couch. Apparently he was “angry horny” because he downloaded Grindr, chatted with this Frankie fellow and arranged to have sex in his car in a church parking lot across the street from our condo (which happens to be across the street from a school…this fact is important later), all while I slept on the couch. All the times they hooked up after that was again in my condo while I was working or visiting a friend for the night up the coast (he used to love going but started saying he couldn’t occasionally because of “homework” and “studying.”
I absolutely lost it, told him to get in the car and I drove him to his family’s house so he could tell them what he did so they understood why he was moving back into their house. While he was in the house I was in the driveway on the phone with AT&T ordering the 3 years worth of detailed call/text logs, then made an appointment to be screened for STIs. I suspended his service until he could figure out how to pay for his own damn phone, then , deleted the social media accounts he cheated with and to make sure he couldn't hide more evidence I temporarily changed all his passwords so only I would have access to his cloud. I also called the bank and issued a stop payment on his final tuition check that I had sent to the certification program the week before and hadn’t hit the bank yet. Before deleting his social media, except Facebook, I took screenshots of the entire Instagram conversation with his ex and mailed the conversation to his fiancée, who deserved to know so she could see a doctor and get tested too. His family was very religious and had kicked him out in high school for 3 days when he tried to admit he was bi and only took him back in when he took it back. Needless to say, she ended it, he got kicked out. ONE DOWN.
He came back out to the car and we went home. I took his house key and told him to say goodbye to our 3 pets and get packing. The entire time he packed I studied those phone records to find out dates, times and if there was anyone else he was leaving out. He answered every question I asked and it was then that I discovered that the sex offender and he had only had oral sex in my home and that the actual sex was in the same parking lot he screwed the Frankie guy in.
The wheels started turning and the next day I went over there and sure enough spotted a camera. I spoke to a secretary at the church and informed them about a registered sex offender having sex in their lot and that not only was it a violation of his parole for indecent exposure, but that he was not allowed to be that close to a school and I provided the date. I was in luck! They had a digital two year loop system that started deleting day by day after it had been retained for 2 years +1 day. It was April 2020 and he first cheated with Frankie in May 2018 and the sex offender was in April 2019. I told them I was filing a police report and that probation would require a copy of it eventually. They said they would save the file and allowed me a thumb drive of both days to submit with my police report. Within a month the sex offender was locked up again. TWO DOWN.
I also filed a police report against the Frankie guy. The police said it was a relatively minor infraction but since it was across from a school playground and skate park they would follow up but there would be no jail time. I researched the hell out of Frankie and called him to confront him. He was smug and admitted to knowing about me the whole time. What he didn’t know is that I had found out he had a job that required a security clearance and he had several judgements against him and collection agencies had been looking for him. I didn’t know why they couldn’t find him and just garnish his wages, but it ends up he was Hispanic and had two last names and was a Jr., plus he frequently by his middle name Francisco, Frankie for short…so he got lost in the paperwork confusion. I sent a letter to the collection agencies providing his employer and current location and contact info and then sent a copy of the police report about misdemeanor indecent exposure for which he pled guilty and it was a fine with community service (not considered a sex crime). His wages did get garnished, but only for two paychecks because the misdemeanor was enough for him to lose his security clearance and get fired. THREE DOWN.
Then I contacted Ryan’s family on his mother’s side pretending to be him from his Facebook account making sure they knew he had fucked his cousin. It spread through the family like wildfire and soon his cousin was contacting me because he couldn’t get a hold of Ryan to ask why he would expose what they did. I just laughed and said you shouldn’t screw your cousins, especially when they’re engaged and that he’d messed around in my house, so now it was my turn for payback. FOUR DOWN.
Lastly, I had already stopped payment but since he was so close to finishing I was sure his family would bail him out and pay the university. Like I said, indecent exposure is usually a slap on the wrist type misdemeanor. However, I remembered some of the paperwork he signed to be a mandated reporter that you could lose teaching certification for “documented acts of moral turpitude.” I sent a copy of both police reports from the parking lot with still shots from the security footage clearly showing Ryan’s face to the school district he’d been student teaching in and a copy to the Commission on Teacher Credentials. FIFTH AND FINAL DOWN!
Admittedly, I did all this out of anger but he shattered my sense of self-worth and made me incredibly bitter and untrusting after years of being generous and supporting him. Everywhere I looked in the town I thought of Ryan and the cheating. I felt a terrible energy in my condo knowing it all happened there. I stayed 9 months and watched all 5 of their lives self-destruct. Then sold my condo (making a nice profit) and relocated to the PNW to start over. One thing that is sad is I found out just recently that his ex-who’s fiancé broke up with him ended up committing suicide several months after I moved. It is too bad that his family was so closed minded to turn on their own son, but in the end, it’s not my fault that he cheated on his fiancé by coming into my home at my fiancé’s invitation to cheat. Suicide is never the answer to ones problems and I hope the fiancée he cheated on doesn't blame herself and that only his family does (as they should).
TLDR: I emotionally and financially supported my ex through college and his teacher credential program for over 7 years only to discover he had cheated on me with 4 different guys, one of them the day after he graduated and then occasionally for nearly two years in my home while I was at work. I took my revenge: My ex lost his career before it even started and our relationship, one AP (affair partner) lost his job and had bill collectors after him, another lost his fiancée and was kicked out, a third was humiliated when his entire family found out he had sex with his cousin and the fourth was put in jail for a violating probation. Lesson: Don't Cheat and Deceive.

Tldr at the end
Basically I’ve been told that I’m most likely on the spectrum but that my autism is mainly overshadowed by my adhd and above average "intelligence" I wouldn’t call it that but basically I learnt every social cues and body language thingys.
I did 4 years of Theater and learnt all of these things, I also got really into law and poetry when I was 7-11 and so learnt a lot about tone and use of speech. I thought everyone had to learn that kind of stuff given how bad kids were at understanding relationships vs adults.
I never thought that people could tell how anyone is feeling just based on instincts I always analyzed everything, so much so that I don’t really think about it anymore.
Most people consider me to be very emotionally smart and even got a friend who was pretty impressed and a bit freaked out when he told me about some of their characters and I just guessed the exact characters’ arcs just based on their personnality.
I’ve always seen social interactions as a game like "life is strange" where you pick what you have to say while constantly weighing the possible outcomes it will have.
When I first meet someone I almost always ask them to play "would you rather" or just ask them hypothetical questions so I can know what kind of person they are and know how to act. I observe and analyze everything, how the person talk with people they’re comfortable with vs how they talk with people they’ve told me they’re not found of, so I know if they’re pretending to enjoy a discussion or not.
I was doing pretty okay until last year, I got a fairly big friend group and thought it should make me happy.
It did until it didn’t and I got sicker and sicker, always more frequently. Until I got diagnosed with a severe depression
It’s only recently that I’ve realized that all of that energy spent on just analyzing people is what exhausts me.
The more people there are the more unpredictable the conversations are, my brain just can’t follow everything, and I keep analyzing everything, Instead of focusing on what the person is telling me, I’m focusing on their hands wondering if they got their calluses from climbing or something like that that could be a potential subject of discussion.
My therapist told me it was incredible and amazing, that I didn’t struggle with social situations unlike most autistic peers
but I disagree, yes I understand and read people even better than most neurotypical (because honestly they don’t really try often to understand others they usually assume and never fact check anything) but the cost on my health isn’t worth it. Also it took me 4 years of learning like a robot shit that I was supposed to do like blinking or breathing? I constantly get told that I shouldn’t think about it, that conversations should just flow but I can’t. But when I do,
I get sick, I puke, I can’t sleep
Because having friends is exhausting me?? And I’m an extrovert, I get energy from friend groups but I can’t turn my damn brain off.
It’s ridiculous but the more I spend time alone the more it’s proven to be true.
Tldr: I don’t struggle with social cues but it exhausts me to analyze everything and Idk if I should just stop having friends.

Does anyone else suffer from terrible appetite suppression and food aversion? No matter what medications I’m on, I can’t stand eating. The smells and look of food make me nauseous. Sometimes I do actually throw up when trying to eat. I force myself to drink a protein shake every morning, and I usually at least try to eat dinner, but I’m not getting enough calories for my lifestyle. It doesn’t seem to matter if I’m stable, manic or depressed, the food aversion remains. I’ve been on 4 different meds since I was diagnosed 8 months ago and each time my doctor says “hopefully as you level out the appetite will improve.” I haven’t experienced an improvement yet. Some drugs have slowed my weight loss, but none have caused me to gain weight or even stop losing. I’ve lost over 50 pounds in the last year or so and I feel weak. I can tell I’m not getting enough to eat, but I don’t know how to stop feeling viscerally disgusted by food.
This all started for me about 3.5 years ago when I was pregnant (prior to my bipolar diagnosis) and had hyperemesis. I threw up every day for 8 months straight until my son was born early due to placental abruption. My appetite never came back after that.
Just wondering if anyone else experiences the same thing and how they manage it? I keep hoping getting on the right meds for my bipolar will help with the appetite but so far I don’t notice any changes no matter what meds I’m on.

Please let me know if this isn’t the right sub for this!
So I am starting a new job on 6/15 and am 16 weeks right now, so I will be almost 17 weeks. It’s as a sales agent for a home builder. It’s a great job because they pay a regular salary on top of the commission for selling homes, so I don’t have to wait for a sale to get a paycheck. My partner left me abruptly about a month ago and I had to leave the state we lived in and move back in with my parents in the state where I will be working. I didn’t really have a choice when it came to getting a new job at this point in my pregnancy and I didn’t expect to get one I actually wanted long term.
My question is, when do I tell them I’m pregnant? I already accepted the position and plan to start so the ship sailed in terms of mentioning it in the hiring process. And to be honest, I don’t think I want to tell them until I’ve worked a few weeks. I interviewed for two other positions I was overqualified for and practically had the jobs until i mentioned I was a pregnant in an attempt to be honest with them. I know I’m not legally obligated to tell this job anything right now, but I feel bad that the position will essentially be not filled for 8 weeks or so after only about 5 months of working. I have every intent to return to this job after my leave as my parents can assist me with childcare, and I need this for my career and to provide for us.
Is my plan of doing a really good job for 3-4 weeks and then telling them a good idea or what do you guys think? Basically it’s June and I’m due at the end of November. Thanks in advance for any opinions

Last month my boyfriend of 3 years told me him and his friends were planning on going to the strip club. He’s currently living away from home for work and I told him I didn’t have a problem with him going but would rather he didn’t get a lap dance. He reassured me that he didn’t want to go and that it was the boys idea, and he had no intention/ desire to get a lap dance. So I figured that was the end of the conversation. They didn’t end up going that night, but the next day they planned on going fishing. Towards the end of the day he told me he was dropping the boys off at a hotel and then was going home, so I went to sleep. I was woken up at 4 am by a call from my boyfriend, and I didn’t think anything of it because I was tired and quickly fell back asleep while on the phone. When we were both awake later that morning we had talked on the phone and he told me he went out to the bars instead of going home and I didn’t think anything of it. Later in the afternoon we were talking and I asked him about his night and teasing him asking if any girls had flirted with him. At this point he let it slide that he went to the club and i laughed and said but no lap dance right ? Then he got silent and said he did get a lap dance.
After hearing this I hung up and was physically sick for the 3 days following.
In my mind he lied to me about what he was doing and can’t claim he didn’t know better because we had a conversation about getting a dance the day before. He also could have texted me at any point between 9pm-4am to let me know his plans had changed
In his mind he thinks that because I said I’d prefer him not to get one instead of out right telling him no, that it was okay/ didn’t realize it would hurt me.(I have never told him he’s not allowed to do something)
He went back and forth from apologizing and justifying his actions saying it’s the same as porn or the club in GTA the video game. But admitted that he wouldn’t be comfortable with me getting a dance from a man.
It’s been a month since this happened and I’m still getting upset with him on days where I have spare time to think about what’s happened
He’s suggested going to couples therapy but where he’s in a different location I’m not sure if it would work and I don’t know if I can get over this/ if the relationship can be saved.
Have any advice/ opinions?

I grew up in a horrible, abusive, neglectful home. I never had any safety of comfort. As a result, I created my own. This led to thumb sucking from a very early age. Instead of helping me, my family would make fun of me. I felt extreme shame around it and I wanted to stop because I was doing it everywhere I felt anxious (school, home ect). This led to me being bullied at school too. I managed to learn on my own how to stop doing it in public but that's as far as I got.
As a teen/adult I continued as I couldn't find anything to help as much as sucking my thumb. But now it's only at home.
Flash forward to getting a job at top 5 accountancy firm. I had never felt pressure like it and someone at work noticed I was doing it, but she was kind and just let me know and that was the first time I had not been humiliated when someone saw me doing it.
This propelled me to do something about it, 25 years into this bad habit I started managing to cut down.
A year later, and I can safely say, I've finally kicked it. I found myself automatically doing it when I was upset a week or 2 ago, and instead of having to force myself to stop, it felt wrong and uncomfortable to do.
I have no one in my real life I can share this with as this is such a source of shame for me. But if you're still trying to kick the unhealthy comfort blankets you learned as a kid, know, it's possible.
Love to you all.

Greetings, members of writing!
By now you have probably heard a lot about The Open Letter about API Pricing. Some of your favorite subreddits may have signed up to protest. I know there has been discussion on this sub while the mods have been in discussions--both internally and with other subreddits--and we wanted to address our plans for June 12th. First though, we know plenty of people are confused about what API even is, how this pricing will impact them, and why it is worth talking about. There have been a number of posts about this very subject, all explaining better than we could. Subreddits like explainlikeimfive have highlighted in an easy way to understand what API is and why this is change is a problem. AskHistorians have explained in detail why so many Mods are upset and, frankly, disillusioned, in the wake of the Admin announcement.
To a lot of people, the API changes are not a big deal.
If you use the Official Apps and have no issue navigating it, that’s great. You may not have known that third party apps existed, or why people prefer them. If you’re wondering why people can’t just use the official app, we can acknowledge that for many users it is simply a personal preference. They’re used to it (some have been using them for years before there was ever an Official App) or they might simply prefer it because of the designs and features. If you’re interested in a visual representation of why so many prefer third party apps, please check this bestof comment out for a side-by-side comparison.
For mods, the mod tool support of these third parties largely makes our jobs much easier, which keeps the communities we all love safer. On a third party app, we can accomplish in two clicks what would take the Official App five. This efficiency means we can address more problems in the community in a more timely manner. Some of you may have even noticed a slight change in the modding of this sub over the past few days. This largely comes from a number of our mods needing to step back, either directly because of these upcoming issues or for personal reasons. This is also why there has been a delay in responses to this issue. We are currently dealing with those internal issues, but still wanted to take a stand on this larger problem.
If you’re thinking to yourself, “If these apps are making a profit, Reddit deserves a cut!” we do agree. What we take issue with is that their API is being valued at 10-20x over what other similar services do, to the point where almost every app has released some kind of statement that indicates these changes will kill their apps. We could link to more statements like that, but you get the idea.
Before you ask “why can’t they just run ads to offset those costs”, Reddit has already decided this will not be an option for third party apps. One thing to be aware of as well is that even if a third party app manages to survive July 1st through a subscription based model alone, those apps will not have all the same content as the Official App. Namely, despite paying for the privilege of having a choice, NSFW content will be unavailable and invisible to those users.
If you’re thinking, "Well, I'm fine. I only use the mobile website via my chosen mobile browser (chrome, mozilla, etc.)," you should be aware that Reddit has already been testing functions that eliminate mobile web browsing, and there is no guarantee that your preferred method of using Reddit won’t be next.
Limiting user choice, charging exorbitant and predatory fees, and refusing to communicate, are all significant problems that the writing team takes issue with. However, the one we find most egregious is what this change will do to members of Reddit’s blind community.
How are blind Redditors impacted by this decision?
In short, Reddit’s Official Apps leave a lot to be desired at best, and are barely functional at worst. The app on iOS has incorrectly labeled controls, doesn’t always work with swipe, and not all functions can be accessed. For blind moderators, it can be difficult-to-impossible to find the moderation functions necessary to moderate, and the customizing layouts to better suit their needs or make the app easier to navigate are similarly difficult. Third party apps have addressed many of these types of issues because Reddit won’t, giving these underserved communities a voice that Reddit seems to have no problem taking away.
You might ask yourself how blind users navigated Reddit before there were apps, and the answer is that it didn’t always used to be this way, but it has certainly always had accessibility issues. In fact, discussions about accessibility have been going on for months, if not years. Just a few months ago, Reddit received a free consultation to make their mobile layout more accessible. Reddit did not follow up, privately or publicly, until the protest’s momentum started to build. Even after numerous, far more recent interactions with the Admin, there seems to be little progress or commitment concerning these issues. This type of interaction is exactly why we, the writing mod team, feel that Reddit is not making accessibility a priority.
Subreddits like blind are vital for the visually impaired in various stages of blindness, providing not just a source of communal support, but insights, strategies, and resources to navigate their new and changing lives. In the wake of Reddit's changes, subreddits like blind will be forced to go dark, leaving an already overlooked group without the invaluable support they both need and deserve.
These changes will also significantly impact volunteer run support subreddits such as transcribersofreddit and descriptionplease, which serve to allow visually impaired Redditors to read text images, and receive descriptions of visual content such as videos and images. These volunteers are indispensable to the blind community, because Reddit is the only social media website with no support for alternative text. As visually impaired Redditors are forced to use an app that is not designed with accessibility in mind, these communities will shrink, wither, and may cease to exist. (See this video for more details on this subject).
For many of us, third party apps are a choice or a preference, but they are an absolute necessity for the visually impaired. The writing team is of the opinion that pricing these apps out of existence before their own app is WCAG compliant is nothing short of passive discrimination.
The mod team of writing, and many others, feel that July 1st is an unrealistic timeline to make all the changes necessary to make their app accessible. At this point, the only reasonable course of action is for Reddit to publish a public list of key results that they are committed to addressing and guarantee that third party functionality will be left unchanged until they do.
Disabled individuals are often expected to pay a premium for the same basic things everyone else uses and enjoys for free. Visually impaired Redditors deserve equal access, and even if third party apps survive, they will not receive it. Those users will not have access to all of the content and features that the rest of Reddit will. Remember, NSFW content will be unavailable to regular users on third party apps (and yes, disabled people like porn too!)
So what does all this mean for writing?
As stated above, many of our current mod team have needed to step back in the wake of these issues. Many of us, myself included, however don't. For us, this is not just about our personal preferences; it is about standing in opposition to ableism and making sure others have a voice.
We have had many comments and modmails asking about the position of writing modteam. We wanted to discuss these matters internally first, to make sure the remaining mods were on the same page before we made any sort of announcement. Now that we have:
The mod team of Writing is in agreement that we should join the blackout on June 12th.
We are prepared to remain blacked out for a minimum of 48 hours. This means that the sub will be turned private and no one will be able to access any writing content until the blackout is over. In standing up for the voices of others, however, we don’t want to strip away the voices of our community. So now we want to hear from you. If you support us in this decision, please share and upvote this post, and comment with your thoughts and support.
Particularly, we would like to hear from our users: How long should writing's blackout last? From our talks with mods from many other subreddits (including those of BestofRedditorUpdates, who very, very graciously allowed me to use most of their wording/research for this post) we are aware that many subs are intending to prolong their blackouts past the original 48-hour mark. Pending further developments, we are currently planning to reassess the situation after this 48-hour mark to make further decisions, taking into account what new statements have been released, how the protest is evolving, and what our users want. As it stands, some subs are intending to blackout however long it takes to effect change, others are intending to come back to be able to be a platform for their users to continue voicing their feelings on the blackout. If you have an opinion either way, please let us hear it. You are a part of this sub as much as any of the mods (and we will likely be turning to some of you to become mods in the not to distant future depending on the state of things after these protests are completed). Thank you for all that you do and letting us take this stand in however that may be.
- the Writing Mod team

So I am starting a new job on 6/15 and am 16 weeks right now, so I will be almost 17 weeks. It’s as a sales agent for a home builder. It’s a great job because they pay a regular salary on top of the commission for selling homes, so I don’t have to wait for a sale to get a paycheck. My partner left me abruptly about a month ago and I had to leave the state we lived in and move back in with my parents in the state where I will be working. I didn’t really have a choice when it came to getting a new job at this point in my pregnancy and I didn’t expect to get one I actually wanted long term.
My question is, when do I tell them I’m pregnant? I already accepted the position and plan to start so the ship sailed in terms of mentioning it in the hiring process. And to be honest, I don’t think I want to tell them until I’ve worked a few weeks. I interviewed for two other positions I was overqualified for and practically had the jobs until i mentioned I was a pregnant in an attempt to be honest with them. I know I’m not legally obligated to tell this job anything right now, but I feel bad that the position will essentially be not filled for 8 weeks or so after only about 5 months of working. I have every intent to return to this job after my leave as my parents can assist me with childcare, and I need this for my career and to provide for us.
Is my plan of doing a really good job for 3-4 weeks and then telling them a good idea or what do you guys think? Basically it’s June and I’m due at the end of November. Thanks in advance for any opinions

Original Twitter translation by Xnapy -
https://twitter.com/xnapycz/status/1667128310487302145?s=20

I don't want to and I can't stay silent. I don't want the death of our beloved son to cause criticism of esports and computer gaming. I don't want speculation about everything possible. I thought I would manage to avoid reading Czech comments where those smart people write: "Well, the young ones don't know what to do, well, no wonder when they sit at the computer all day, well, who knows what kind of family it was, well, if he wanted, he could have sought treatment." Where does all this certainty about "your truth" come from in all of you?
Our son had plenty of love around him. Maybe I'm not a perfect mother, but I have always supported and loved all three of my sons unconditionally. At the same time, I never held them back or tied a ball to their feet.
Even my dad always told me that a person should have dreams and fly towards the clouds. Kája was flying. And he flew very high. The fact that he publicly admitted at the beginning of the year that he was struggling with depression was one of the bravest things, and I am proud of him. Yes, he fought with depression, and he's not the only one. Blaming gaming is absurd. Kája didn't just sit at the computer. Professional esports players have a strict regimen, similar to other athletes.
They have to eat healthily, exercise, and sleep well. They also have demanding training sessions. And just like elsewhere, here too, the pressure to perform creates a permanent pressure on the psyche. It takes very little, like a predisposition to anxiety in the genes, and then it's just a step towards depression. And sometimes an unhappy love is enough to cause a short circuit. No one has the right to judge anyone. Our son fought his illness, and he fought bravely.
Just like he fought for Team Vitality or previously for BIG. Other athletes have also ended their lives. Football players, hockey players, coaches. Tennis players, skiers, swimmers also suffer from depression.
Depression is not an illness that someone "catches" by playing computer games. Depression cannot be controlled by willpower; it must be treated. Depression and any other mental illness must not be taboo in society.
We must not hide the fact that in addition to our physical bodies, we also have souls. Let's not be silent about it. We must not. No one should bear the stigma of mental illness. They are people just like others.
I don't regret a single minute I could spend with my son. This is our last photo together. Berlin, May 2023.

My pc was working the other night I got home and it didn’t power on it and I got an external power button to see if it was just a broken button but it doesn’t seem to work, I believe the power pins could be fried but I’m not sure yet looking for tips to fix it, in addition I still have the amber lights on the motherboard so at the very least I don’t think it’s the power supply any tips would be helpful and pics are below
https://imgur.com/a/tGkxxgy

I was a player and coach for over 35 years (now retired) at a fairly high level. I come on here a dozen times per day, but rarely post. When I do, it is generally detailed and well thought out (in other words, very long winded). Today I want to talk about using Wes in the double pivot. I have read so much negativity about this, but I believe he has all the tools to be successful here with the right partner and system. In fact, as we see our dilemma when Adams is unavailable, we need him to do just that.
I watched at least 10 games of him at Leeds and it didn’t go well. Here is why: the double pivot needs to work together as a “rotating 6.” Too many times he and his partner (usually Roca) would attack and defend at the same time. Their cues seemed to be who had possession only. They would go forward when they had the ball and then sprint back when they inevitably lost it. It should be more of a tandem of one goes and one stays. They were each responsible for half the field with no cover for each other. Their pressing style made it even worse. Defensively, the space between them was too large.
Here is how it should work. The LCM should go when the RB goes forward. This allows the RDM to cover and give support while the LCM arrives late into the box between the CAM and the LAM. The LB stays at home and the two center backs slide for additional cover. This allows 3atb and a DCM in case of lost possession. Similarly, the RDM is keyed off the LB as everything flips.
Specifically for the USMNT it would look like this. (This all assumes Adams is not available). Weah naturally plays wider than Pulisic. Therefore, Musah should play RDM so he can drive the ball through a bigger gap while Dest can cut inside. They can take turns hitting this space to make attacks unpredictable. Combination play from them and a dynamic CAM (Reyna, Aaronson, Tillman, etc). Should eventually get the ball wide to Weah. Striker goes near post between the CBs, Pulisic draws attention far post, Reyna stays top of box in whatever space he sees, and McKennie arrives late. Still four players defending. On the other side since Pulisic likes to cut in more, the space is for Jedi to overlap. This means Wes stays behind and Musah or Dest fills the opposite channel (personally I would send Musah and have Dest stay even though he isn’t the best defender — definitely send Musah if Scally is there and have Scally slide into.
Defensively, the two Pivots should be close enough together that no attacks get between them. The central triangle should be tight enough that the middle is not an option and everything from the opponent must go wide. This makes attacks predictable, and thus easier to defend. Leeds did this poorly as too many attacks came from the center of the pitch.
We need options here and our best options are Adams, Mckennie and Musah. If all are healthy we should pick 2 based on the opponent. Nothing wrong with picking McKennie and Musah when we are expected to have more possession, but Adams is still necessary when we are defending more or protecting a lead. Acosta (if healthy) would be a decent defensive option while DLT would be another possession guy off the bench if needed (he is great at keeping the ball, but not winning the ball). Johnny is a bit of a mix and I believe Aiden Morris will take The Acosta role in a other year or two.
There are other benefits such as an easy switch from 4-2-3-1 to a 4-1-3-2 when chasing a goal but this has already been a very long post (as usual for me).
TLDR Wes has the ball winning ability, engine, soccer IQ, and passing touch to play here effectively but Leeds was not the right system. I don’t know if that was poor coaching, personnel, or a lack of understanding/motivation from Wes. To be completely honest about a player I like a lot — he could take his personal fitness a little more seriously. With the help of our top strikers (Balogun and Pepi imo) and a dynamic CAM (like Reyna) and if he gets put in the right system and with the right partner, he can help elevate this team top top 15 in the world.
Thanks for reading.

Let’s say you died because you didn’t wear a helmet while riding your motorcycle, and then got into a severe accident. Maybe, in that life, you also never went to any social events at school, and regret that, or you ruined your friendship with somebody because you attempted to confess your feelings for them. Maybe you also studied really hard in school and got straight As every single semester. When you die, you would get brought to an “afterlife” sort of space, where you would get to choose what your next life would repeat, and what they wouldn’t. You could decide that your future life would never forget to wear a helmet at any time they ride a motorcycle/bike/whatever, would attend more social events and spend more time with their friends while they still can, and wouldn’t screw up a valuable friendship over romance. You could also decide they would study just as hard as you did.
You would then reincarnate normally, as a newborn baby born not long after the moment of your death. You obviously would be starting fresh, literally as a new person, not remembering anything, not even the “programming” your past life put into you. However, you’d be predestined to follow all of the commands. You’d study hard as possible, just like your past self did, you’d never forget to wear the proper equipment, you’d never take your friends for granted, and you’d be smart about whether it’s best to avoid pursuing a crush.

I have a Masters Degree in Mechanical Engineering from Concordia University. My degree and experience have almost nothing to do with Data Analytics. Well sure I have to work on Power BI and Excel a little, but that’s about it.
I am 28 right now, when I will get my Canadian PR, I will be 29 (waiting for PR because I cannot study on work permit, it’s legally not allowed, plus the fees is less). So at the age of 29, is it a good idea to completely change my field? Something that other people started almost a decade before me? Will I even be able to compete with them?
I think of myself as a very hardworking person, but I have realized something, my field doesn’t make me happy. But I recently started learning a little about Data Analysis, and this field excites me. I don’t know Python, but I do know MATLAB, but I have started learning Python now.
My question is, would it be a good idea to change my field so drastically when I will be almost 30?
My next question is going to sound stupid, and I should do my own research before even asking this question, but doing Mcgill Masters of Management in Analytics even an option for someone with no experience in this field, and what should I learn or work on to make it an option?

I recently started seeing this girl. It’s been over 2 months so far. I put gf in quotes because even tho we are seeing each other and trying to get to know each other more before putting the bf gf title we still made it clear that we aren’t gonna sleep with other people and we do many things that people do in relationship. Also gotta mention this is a long distance kinda thing. Little background about the both of us. She is a bit of a party girl. Used to hook up a lot. She loves to go out and get drunk and dance and all of that. She will be out till like 5 am. She has many guy friends and some girlfriends. She’s very pretty as well and lots of guys hit on her especially at the club. She says it’s gross and I’m the only man she accepts. Me on the other hand, I like to go out as well but not as much as her. She can go out drinking everyday of the summer while I need a long break before my social battery fills back up. Normally she’s not the kind of girl I would date. My exes weren’t nearly as social as she is. But since we been talking, we have chemistry together and both like each other very much. This is why I try to trust her whenever she goes out. I used to be a very insecure person. Like didn’t like my gf having a ton of guy friends and definitely not partying all the time. I been trying to make a change since my last relationship. I want to look more secure and confident. Actually trust the person I’m with and not over think. I been lied to and cheated on so much in the past it sucks. Going out with girlfriends is one thing but just a guy or guys to the club? My question is, should there be a limit to trust? At what point do I become too naive. This kind of relationship is very new for me. At first I didn’t care but now I’m like afraid of losing her the stronger my feelings get. Last night she went drinking with a couple guys friends and she called me on her way home. Tonight she is going out with another guy friend to the club and meeting up with his classmates for his graduation. She’s probably gonna be out until 5 am again. She doesn’t message me at all when she goes out. I brought this up to her yesterday and she said I was adorable and she will work on that. On the outside I show that it doesn’t bother me but internally I get nervous and start to over think a lot. Even tho she has told me she is scared of losing me and I feel too good to be true the way I treat her. So I want to trust her. Anyone who has experience or is a girl like this. Can guys and girls go out to the club together even when one or both are in a relationship.

With TOTK out and me not having it (spent $700 on the rog Ally sooo, I’m gonna wait a bit) I decided to start a play through of breath of the wild again. I haven’t played it for 3 years or so fresh start, fresh eyes.
During my 1st play thru played mostly in docked mode, sitting on my couch enjoying it on the big tv with a nice sound system. This time I’m playing it in bed, covered up next to my wife, portable while she reads and wow this is a very different feeling play through.
Instead of constant wonder and awe at every corner I’m feeling, comfort, it feels like going back to your home town after moving away for a couple of years. You don’t remember everything but you remember most of it, some faces and places change but for the most part there’s no surprises, it’s welcoming and relaxing. You know where to go, where to eat, how to shield slide.
Really enjoying this new play through and I think if I played it the same way as my 1st time I would either get board or frustrated. Changing how I played changed breath of the wild from an awe inspiring action immersive world to a cozy game, I can go in and out of, fall asleep playing and snuggle on my partner right next to me.