ok. i am out visibly at work now. this is the first time i've been able to be VISIBLY KNOWN AS MY (temporary) CHOSEN NAME. and i am accepted by p much everyone because a ton of my coworkers are lgbtq+ themselves.
HOWEVER.
how do i be visibly myself?
i've always had to conform to afab ideals of gender presentation, so my hair is about shoulder length and i don't want to cut it because i kinda like it but it doesn't help me pass at all. i want to pass as a guy now. if anything has solidified my identity at all in my life it would be THIS FUCKIN MOMENT BROS. i get to actually be myself. i can even dye my hair. i can go to the men's section and get mens clothes that fit the uniform. but i don't know how to actually let my guard down enough to be more me at work. honestly at this point i don't even know what kinda guy i am, i've spent so long closeted irl that i'm so used to keepin up the "woman" act. so i don't really know at all how to be my actual self.

All of a sudden there's been this exponential increase in the price for RandomX hashrate. Its been steady at this 3x from past profitability levels, for the past 3 days now. This is only on the mining pools Nicehash and Miningrigrentals, from what I know.
Does anyone have any good ideas on what they think might be happening? Why is XMR being bought at such a premium compared to the actual exchange rate? Microtrategy maybe? Saylor perhaps? Or maybe just someone ape-ing in at whatever cost. Because they have some sort of some inside information, and they could care less about exchange price?
Whatever it is, I guess I'm fine with it paying 3x. Now the problem I have is I have to convert Nicehash's BTC payments to XMR, as it accumulates at this much higher rate.

This is an update to a post I made a few months back about using curcumin (longvida) as a treatment for pmdd. Here, I’ll share a series of observations from the last 3 months with regards to efficacy and dosing.
Disclaimer that I am not a medical doctor, this is not medical advice. If you want to try this for yourself, check in with your doctor especially if youre on other medications— curcumin has non-specific action on a lot of other things.
Background: my pmdd has been lifelong i believe, diagnosed about 6 yrs ago, and has gotten much more severe late last year following some significant stressors. I experience pmdd symptoms during the entire luteal phase, right after ovulation. My main symptoms are brain fog, greater inattentiveness/lack of focus, and irritability during my last week.
Original regimen: 450 mg curcumin longvida daily from day 14 of my cycle through the last day (~26-28)
Brief mechanism of action: I hypothesized that curcumin would attenuate pmdd symptoms for the duration of my luteal phase due to its action as a 5-alpha reductase inhibitor, which prevents conversion of progesterone to allopregnanolone.
Observations from first two months: As noted in my original post, I felt great in the first week of taking curcumin. But, during the second week of dosing (and during the last week of my cycle), I began to feel very unmotivated. This is a typical pmdd symptom for me, but this time it was the only symptom I experienced. I still had energy, could generally focus, and my mood was good. I just didnt feel like doing any work! It was almost like I was ‘too content.’ I originally attributed this to the curcumin just not fully working during the last week, and that maybe my pmdd symptoms were due to a combination of hormone changes. e.g., low estrogen during the last week of luteal.
I continued taking the curcumin through my follicular phase intermittently (450 mg) and noticed that when I kept taking it for longer periods, even during follicular, I reached this state of not feeling motivated. I started to wonder if maybe too much of this supplement could be the cause of these adverse effects.
My 2nd month of taking curcumin during luteal, I noticed this amotivational state again after taking the curcumin for about a week from days 15-21 (and again feeling great up until that point). Given my suspicion that high doses were causing this effect, I stopped taking it around day 21. Within a couple days, still during luteal (around days 23-24), I stopped feeling amotivated and felt quite normal. I had energy, I cleaned the house, did my work. A couple days later, I began feeling a little irritable, so took another 450 mg dose. The next day my mood was fine, but that amotivationed state was back. didnt feel like doing anything productive. From this, I concluded that there is maybe a ‘sweet spot’ of dosing for thus supplement for pmdd. too much and Im happy but not motivated, too little and I experience pmdd symptoms.
Observations from third month (current cycle): This month, I wanted to try a couple things. 1- determine if I can take as needed rather than more preventatively. What I mean is, do I have to begin taking it before I ovulate to make sure its in my system before progesterone is produced? or could I take it when I begin to feel luteal phase symptoms. and 2-I wanted to try smaller doses spaced intermittently to see the minimum dose I need to attenuate pmdd symptoms.
So, on day 17 I woke up feeling depressed. I took my usual dose of 450mg to be consistent and answer my first question. It didnt help much on the same day, but I woke up on day 18 feeling great. So, it does seem that this can be taken as-needed, albeit with some lag time.
For the following days, I wanted to try smaller doses. I split pills into 200mg doses, and took 200mg for two consecutive days (day 18 and 19 of cycle). When I noticed myself starting to feel a bit ‘lazy’, I skipped a day (day 20) and then took it again the next day. (day 21). I’m currently on day 24 and havent taken any since, as I feel hardly any pmdd symptoms. I do feel slightly more inertia in the morning, and im still a little more scatter-brained than during follicular. But, I am motivated and able to work. Ill also add that I had some major stressors (long story, we’re hiring a lawyer) and have been able to bounce back a good bit in spite of that. I restarted an exercise regimen yesterday, just a little 15 min run/walk in the morning. I went again on my run this morning (day 24 of cycle!) and kept setting goals for when I could stop running (i.e., just go to that tree!) and i kept just running past them and forgetting because I was comfortable and daydreaming :)
My takeaways: 1- curcumin is able to attenuate severity of my pmdd symptoms for the entire duration of the luteal phase 2- dosing is important.. too much can have some adverse effects, but these go away after I stopped taking it. i started at this higher dose bc that was the standard in some other studies, and the dose they came in. 3- its not a complete silver bullet— im still a little more scatter brained and not as effective at organizing/prioritizing during luteal. but im not irritable, i dont have brain fog, and i have energy. 4- i wonder if curcumin also builds up in the system a bit, making intermittent dosing a good idea.
Thats all! And, if you tried curcumin longvida, pls share your experiences whether it worked or not.

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We have been stressing each other out trying to decide how we are going to pay the bill on the home we live in. I own the place and spend about ~$1000 month mortgage, plus about $200-300 in utilities (I can afford the home monthly on my own).
My significant other can not afford $600 a month sometimes without leaving herself spending money, so I tell her to just pay me about 40% of her monthly income and we can call it even, and if she is able to pay $600 that month then pay extra sometimes.
This gets her really upset, and says it is not a good plan nor thought out and could leave us ill-prepared in the future if I don't give her an expected amount I want from her a month (she is also concerned if she pays $450 one month, I might expect it the next month and ask 'why only $400 and not $450?' and how we have a lot of random vet bills).
She moved in about 2 years ago but about 6 months ago she switched careers, and more recently switched to commission.
What is the best way to move forward? Does anyone have recommendations? Should I set a flat number for her rent? Thanks
TL;DR; I told my S/O to pay as much as she can towards $600 a month, but she wants a more solid gameplan.

Source video title: I knew your father...
For those who know Russian, I strongly recommend those who are C1 or C2 level or native fluency to provide a translation.
Please refrain from using Yandex, Google or DeepL as they don't translate it correctly, since the video is referring to the perspective on memorial day, also using the analogy of saying he knew his father as a dedication to those who have lost someone they've loved in war, also to sons or daughters who have lost their dad in the war, paying tribute to servicemen.
Keep in mind when adding Russian translation: the speaker in the video is male, so cases will matter, he is saying it from a first person perspective in a expressive / poetic manner, also in the context of the military.
Can you provide a proper translation of the written transcript in Russian?
I'll add the transcription of the video:

I knew your father...
He was a great man, a brother
I know you miss him alot, me too...
I bet a day goes by when you don't think about him...
Kind of seem like when you lose someone you love, every day is memorial day
Your father and I actually went through training together
If it hadn't been for him, I'm not sure I made it
He was so strong, physically & mentally
We were so glad to be assigned to the same team, to be able to make a difference together
To change the world
I remember him challenging us and crushing us during our train-ups
We were all better because of him
I remember all of our deployments together, some good places and good missions, but some bad places and some bad missions.
Your father never complained.
He was solid & competent man.
While most people talk too much these days, your father truly was a quiet professional
While most people pretend, your father was the real deal
I'll never forget seeing him and the makeshift chapel before our last mission
No doubt he was praying for protection for you and for your mom
I remember your father telling us how proud he was of you and how much he loved you
I remember the day he died and how he died
He was a hero until his last breath
So when you miss him the most, give me a call
I understand how when you lose someone you love, everyday is memorial day

​

TLDR: I matched with a celeb's brother on a dating app. I'm a fan, but haven't told him. How do I tell him without scaring him away?
Long story, apologies. There is a band I've been a fan of since I was little, and I've always been a fan of one member more than the others. (I don't want to give too many details because people will most likely know who I'm talking about). In junior high, said member was in a magazine with their brother. At the time, I thought the brother was really cute.
A bunch of years later, I was curious where this guy was and what he was up to and found him on social media, so I followed him. (He is a bit of a local level celebrity in his own right - so it wasn't just like following some random person out of the blue. He's got a decent sized following). Every once in a while, I would comment on his posts and he would comment back. It went from little comments to full DM conversations.
Then, we matched on a dating app. He did make the connection that we'd been chatting on our social accounts.
We went on a few dates and now we've been seeing each other pretty steadily for the last few months (met last summer, got more intimate around Feb of this year). He does know I know who his sibling is. Right from the start, I jokingly told him I wasn't looking to get tickets to their shows or anything. And I'm not. I have no interest in getting to meet with them or anything. I genuinely like this guy a lot and in no way is it because of his sibling. If anything, I wish they weren't related because it makes things really awkward now.
I have never mentioned to him that I'm a fan of his sibling. I unfollowed them from all my socials because it seemed really awkward at the time and kinda stalker-y. But I feel almost dishonest now, having never mentioned it at all. I worry if I tell him, he'll think I had ulterior motives from the start and I'll lose him. If things keep progressing as they are, I will have to eventually meet his family, and said sibling. The thing is, I've met them before as a fan (and this person is really good with faces, so I have no doubt they'll remember me). I'm not an obsessive fan in any way. I've been to a few shows and met them twice at meet & greets, but I'm quite shy and didn't say much. They just have a smallish fanbase now, so it's easy for them to get to know fans' faces. And for context, when I went to the second meet and greet, this person remembered me from the first meeting and remembered where I was from, even though I barely said a word when I'd met them.
To make things worse, I was part of a fan facebook group and I've met other fans at shows, so some of them know me. I'm not friends with any of them, but there were a few I chatted with and met enough to be friendly. Some of these fans follow every member of this celeb's family, so they do also follow their brother. If eventually either of us post photos of us together on our socials, I have no doubt some of these fans will jump at the chance to tell him I'm a fan. (Two for sure because we've butt heads a few times in the past).
How on Earth do I bring this up with him? This guy is genuinely the nicest and sweetest person I've ever met and I really like him. I feel like I've gotten too far into this without having said anything and now it might be too late. I know I have to bring this up eventually, but how do I do this without scaring him away?

There's currently a fascinating discussion happening amongst university lecturers currently taking part in a marking and assessment boycott as it relates to the legalities and tax implications of pay deductions for partial performance.
Colleagues taking part in the MAB are facing heavy deductions to salary, even 80% and above, for periods of weeks, where the only work not completed is a few hours of marking. Per HMRC's website :

Deducting pay You do not have to pay employees who are on strike.
If workers take action short of a strike, and refuse to carry out part of their contractual work, this is called ‘partial performance’. If you refuse to accept partial performance, you must tell employees that:
they should only attend work if they fulfil their contractual duties if they do not fulfil the terms of their employment contract, you do not have to pay them If you do accept partial performance, you must still pay employees for any work that they have done.

This obviously leaves the employers in a bind, from their point of view, as they neither want to accept partial performance (otherwise members would down tools entirely), nor deduct wages proportionally to the work actually missed (because that would reduce the deterrent effect on those minded to boycott assessment).
The clever solution some employers have come up with is to try and square the circle, calling the heavily reduced payments they are making "goodwill payments" for "voluntary work" - maintaining the fiction that they do not accept partial performance in order to allow them to not pay employees for work actually done. The payments are labelled as that on payslips, but subject to usual PAYE and other taxes.
The cat has been well and truly set amongst the pigeons by a post on an HMRC forum by an advisor, who agrees with a UCU OP that ex gratia payments are by definition not for work, and thus not taxable! Obviously this is rather interesting, though no tax expert seems to agree that this is a reasonable interpretation of what's happening (usually ex gratia payments are part of settlement agreements).
So, I wonder what the Reddit hive mind think. Obviously employers think this is One Weird Trick to deduct a greater proportion of salary than is reasonable whilst maintaining that they don't accept partial performance. I'm almost certain, of course, that the payments for "voluntary work" are not tax free. So what do you all think? Is there case here that universities legally need to choose either a refusal to accept partial performance at all, or make deductions which are actually proportional to the work not undertaken? At least one law firm thinks that what unis are trying to do here is unwise.

It’s my second week, and I have noticed the kitchen and managers are nice when interacting with me but when we are working I get a lot of dirty looks and I can take a hint when someone doesn’t like me.
I learned the cash register pretty quickly, and I go above and beyond for customers as well as my fellow employees. I go home so exhausted but I have this feeling they hate me.
This is not a “they are jealous I have a degree” or anything like that, like please, a degree like mine is worthless these days and I respect my managers for their experience at what they do every day (I know it’s hard, and I look up to them). But I can’t help but wonder if they think I’m weird for taking a job like this that is out of my career field or thinking I will leave when I find something better. I was honest with my manager and said I want to be a teacher but that it will take over a year to get certified, which is a reasonable amount of time to work at McDonald’s in a non-management position, especially since they aren’t training me whatsoever and I’m making their lives easier. Before me they went months with no one working front and apparently it was very hard on them. Why this happened I don’t know, but like I said I am polite and busy my A.
The only time I have had a confrontational moment was with a Crew Leader, she yelled at me because I took an order out and it was missing an iced coffee. I kindly asked in a pleasant tone about the iced coffee and she said “what I need for you to do is WAIT. I apologized and told her I was sorry and another manager said in front of her she shouldn’t talk to you like that and walked away. I said no I completely understand I was being annoying and rushing her and I won’t do that anymore. However the next day (hectic Saturday morning rush) another manager was smiling at me in a creepy way because I didn’t know how to change a meal size. So I did the meal again with the correct size and voided the first one and was told that was confusing for them because they start cooking it. Like what? No one told me they saw orders before I totaled it out and submitted it. It’s like they think I’m being an ass on purpose or trying to sabotage me, or maybe they think I’m sabotaging them. Clearly miscommunication but I normally always get along with most people I work with. I wanted to squash whatever the hell was going on when they were ganging up on me about the order and I told them I notice you guys get pretty frustrated with me very easily, and I’m sorry that I make a mistake but I promise I am not trying to upset anyone. I respect you as managers and I just ask as you respect me as well as a team member because I take this role very seriously.
I see these managers and they are always so cool and praising the teenagers who work there who just kind of float around and assist others.
But they just don’t like me. The GM had to pretty much tell them to be nice to me. I can tell because it’s so forced and I just wish I knew what the real issue was. Does anyone have a clue? It’s making going to work very awkward and they complain when I am not there but when I’m there I get treated differently by them (except the male manager, he’s extremely nice but fairly new so probably can relate).

I didn’t sleep great last night, so I’m crabby and I know I’m making this more dramatic than it is. But I also know as fellow reactive dog owners, even the simplest of things get to us sometimes and you would understand.
This has nothing to do with reactivity, just the fact that my dog is essentially a garbage can. For the second time this week, in a completely different area on our walk, my dog picked up a chicken wing bone. For the second time this week, she started chomping on it before I could get the whole thing out of her mouth. Thankfully when this happened the other day there were no bad outcomes, so I’m hoping that will be the case with this one too. But how inconsiderate are people? We have to walk along a busy road, so people are constantly throwing garbage and food out of their cars. My dog does know leave it and generally does, but I have to catch it before she actually picks it up. We work on drop it, and 90% of the time she does but when it comes to chicken wings she forgets I’m even there apparently. So I’ll just be obsessively checking her poop for the next few days.
Then right after that, a girl with her lab comes walking around the corner. She always walks with the dog off-leash. I admit that the dog listens well, but in this case she was on her phone and not paying attention at all. The dog was slowly creeping towards us and she was oblivious. I give my reactive dog so much credit because aside from pulling a bit, she didn’t bark and lose her mind. But I ended up having to yell out to the girl for her to realize the situation. She called her dog and walked off, no apologizing. I felt like yelling back that it’s not even legal to walk your dog off-leash, but but my tongue.
Lastly, my dog has her annual check up this morning. Which is likely why I’m so worked up about the other two situations. I know it’s going to be chaos, between her anxiety, getting checked in and potentially having another dog in the waiting area, her getting like 5 shots. Ugh.
Sorry this was so long! I think I’ll need a nap when I get home! Lol

Post originally from user JTT on RWI. Very good summary on why users why many of us choose to buy Gens or Reps (quite often discussed here):

"What reps do not offer:

1. High end, high complication watches / independents: You can't yet get (unless there is a whole segment I don't know about) high end complications and independents. If you want a Moser Perpetual Calendar, a Lange Triple split or Zeitwerk, FPJ resonance, a PP double split or minute repeater, MB&F double chrono or Perpetual Evo, Rollie Annual calendar... you just aren't getting them in the rep world. This is not something many are concerned about admittedly, but it is still a gap which won't be closed.
2. Sufficient Design variety: There isn't the range available to a purchaser in the rep world across price points. From low to medium to high end, mens, women's and children's watches. In the gen world there is just far more variety which fits all tastes, size and price-points. This is not the case in the rep world - majority (not all, of course) is Rolex, PP, AP. Which is fine, that satisfies most tastes I think but maybe not for a collector over the long term.
3. Material variety: Money no object you could wear a carbon-fibre 70g Hublot on the wrist one day (please don't - save yourself), followed by a platinum Daytona or white gold FPJ the next. You could wander around London, or NYC and Singapore on a weekend and have solid gold, silver, titanium, carbon, tantalum etc. on the wrist to enjoy. At high and low budgets you can have an enviable range of materials on your wrist.
4. Quality: Ish - if it is a mass produced Rolex etc. frankly a good stainless steel copy of a 116500, 124060, 126610LN etc. will get you 85-90% of the gen quality but that is for a few models and even with those there is always that 10-15% which is off - that extra accuracy, the likely longevity, that extra polish with finishing. That being said frankly AP and PP have been sitting on their hands with their entry-level models and the movements have not evolved for years, and years, and years. Go into an AP boutique and try on a 39 and change the date, ask about WR and note the power reserve and be very very confused.

That PP introduced the 6700G range as the 'modern' base Calatrava with an upgraded movement but it still has only 35-45 hours power reserve is comical when compared to the H.Moser & Cie base 3-hander movement or any Tudor BB ( I know its dress not sports, but its still 3-hander / 3 hander with date comp).

1. Niche, watches with history: Want a watch that has a story, that was on the wrist of a soldier, sailer or candlestick maker for thirty years. Want a watch only issued to military unit because it was your family unit, a dive school that your aunt and uncle attended, a graduating class of jet pilots that your best mate graduated from who since bought it, a certain employer. Nope. Not only do those not see the light of day for the most part - there isn't the financial incentive to reproduce.
   
2. Asset / Investment: There is more potential of upside if you buy right with gens but reps are as liquid when compared to a varied gen collection, just the values more likely lower. The most liquid gens will take approx 5 days from the point you would like to sell to having £ in the bank if you use a scale watch dealer (exceptions apply). Factor in insurance, servicing, buying the models you thought you wanted but don't, locking up cash and it's a more interesting story as a scale watch collector when you work across brands. Parking cash in a small physical asset that isn't going to materially depreciate is also valuable to some which is an often overlooked benefit too.
   

What reps do offer:

1. Accessibility (£ $): No two ways about it, medium-end watches are generally speaking overpriced, high-end almost always are, ultra-high end are crippling. A lot of the 'goal/grail/hype/cool' watches are far out of the range of most financially. Make no bones about it, in this authors opinion people should get a replica rather than put themselves in a precarious financial position and load themselves up with debt or financing. An 18 year old who buys a replica today, could buy a PP grand complication in 15 years having got that first foothold on this forum - buying when they can afford but enjoying the hobby for years before.

Look at JLC and the comical increase in pricing multiple times in the past 18 months, Lange and the 20-30% increase across the board the other month, Tudor (an accessible brand) and the 10% + increases staring to compound and raise eyebrows. Not great.
2. Accessibility (access): Can't get the damn things when you want, usually. Self explanatory - people know the Rolex challenges. Which to be honest, like others have mentioned vary across regions and stores and it's almost (is) unfair how easy these actually are for people connected properly who aren't always genuine collectors. For PP, Lange you will have to snake your purchases through the collection categories rather than go for what you want when you want if you want several (even if you are a noted collector). For MB&F, FPJ - better make your way into the F&F to get what you want, the lists go on. Even when you drop to the more accessible but hype like some from Baltic, Studio UnderDog, Christopher Ward, Tissot you can wait months. I've personally waited longer for some entry-level hype watches than 'in-demand' professionals / sports.

1. Try before you buy: Not too much more to say - try before you buy and I do this a lot. Not sure if you want a Submariner or Submariner Date then try them both delivered to your house in days. Don't like, sell them. Yes you can go into stores but that doesn't always work well for everyone - i) stores don't always have stock and when they do you won't spent much time with these watches ii) many are intimidated in these high end watch stores and are treated badly - 'don't have an appointment, bugger off please', iii) plenty of people aren't located close to watch stores. People getting pied off in stores is something I see so often and I don't like it, everyone has to start somewhere and not all people are as comfortable, have large spends and know the people who work in stores. Go to watch clubs you say... well some of these and the people in them - that's a whole different post.
   
2. Insurance, Servicing, Ancillary costs: These go up or down with scale but it is not nothing. Insurance can be low - often sitting at c.1% of watch value for something like a Sub is good, but this adds up. Independent servicing (not all - some are VERY good in this regard) or complication servicing takes time, £/$ and pain sometimes. Paying for safe deposit boxes, serviced or monitored alarms costs £ too.
   

Pay to play: Even top tier collectors for the v. high end brands will be required to buy watches you don't really want on the journey - or watches you want but too frequently (ironically). It's the price of entry and doesn't matter who you are. Can you get rid yes, but for the v.high end it's a small world and whilst you might get a shot across the bow on the first one you dump v.v. quickly as everyone knows it was a. stepping stone, twice and they will sink your battleship.

1. Loss: Lose a replica. Ok, don't care .. what's for dinner. Lose a gen, oh this is going to be fun - police, insurance, watch shops and registers etc.

6. Security: If we are talking well-known watches like sports PP, sports Rolex etc. then one has less concern in many locations and times with a replica. Obviously you don't want to flash either around in certain locations or at certain times but this is somewhat self explanatory. Also with reps you don't need to make sure you strictly adhering to insurance conditions / expectations ('oh did I put it in the safe' etc.). Side point, with reps your most frequent trip isn't to the bank and WAITING FOREVER every time for the box opening procedures."

Never thought I'd be making this post. I'm only seeking advice on how to emotionally handle this situation because I'm the type whose face is an open book.
Back in March, I (27F) had a family visit (as hundred others) for a proposal. I was emotionally exhausted, and the abuse at home seems to have triggered by rage issues and depression. As this was one of the many families who my mother invites without my consent, I met with them, hoping for the best.
I do not like them. They are materialistic and judgemental people. Those were my first impressions.
They made us travel 3 hours mid Ramadan to meet us again (different cities) and were less than courteous throughout the meeting.
After much insistence on my mother's part, she's tried to force me into marrying every single guy she could get interested in, she controls the process and I'm in a deeply narcisstic relationship with her.
After much asking, the guy came to the women's side for like a minute. I was very disappointed, I'm being brutally honest. The pictures are deceptive. I'd seen his bio before, it is common to lie about the height in my community, but this was a stretch. He looked completely different.
I cannot tolerate people who lie to be honest.
His side invited most of his immediate relatives. We were outnumbered by 2:12.
He asked how our Ramadan was going, apoligised for making us travel and that's it. I don't know why I was so offended over this but don't people bring something to the house when they come along?
They did not. They've asked all about our whereabouts to verify about us but ofcourse my parents won't do their due diligence and get to know the guy.
My only hope was having a proper conversation with this person but since that did not happen. I thought not much would come out of it because my mother only once mentioned they'll be visiting us in August again and then take a decision.
My parents have and will lie. I feel guilty writing such bad things about them but they've done worse. I cannot say no because things turn abusive and my mental health is at the edge of a cliff.
I've gone from praying duha everyday to missing fajr. So faithwise, I'm at a loss too.
Today I overhear a conversation between my father and the guy's father. It was out of the blue, they are fixing wedding dates. The guy's father was convincing my father to book the same venue for a discount.
I do not want this kind of a wedding. I've always made it clear I want a simple nikah but I guess that's expecting too much when them asking for my consent for the person itself is out of the question.
I don't even know how to react to this. At the moment I'm completely isolated and have no one in my family to reach out for help. My mother's side are a slice out of television drama.
A couple friends know about my situation and one of them offered to help me leave my family last year but I did not take her up on that offer because I hoped Allah would make a halal way.
That even though the entire process has been haram, Allah will perhaps send a compatible spouse.
I'm at a loss honestly. My parents are pretending as if they've been transparent about this all along when they've been as silent as possible on it.
I have no way to contact the guy. Hell, he does not even have a LinkedIn.
Unlike every other time I did not argue with my parents, did not do my istekhara (or maybe I did, my memory's been all over the place with all the istekharas I've had to do), I just gave up this time around. I guess I was hoping this one would work out eventually, after meeting him again but what is this?
Is this normal in desi families? Am I missing something?
Please tell me there's hope for kheir. I don't know what I want to hear, as much as I hope nobody had to go through such hell, is there anyone who's been in this scenario. How do you advice I handle this?

My mom is starting to show early signs of dementia. No one around me does anything because they think it’s normal. She’s the only person who has a job in the house and I can’t leave because I’m still in school. We basically live in squalor, the house is cleaned like once every two months, it always smells of something and my dumb fucking mom always lets dogs in. I have to be honest, I think that if she ever goes away for more than a day I will definitely put them up for adoption. No one other than her can Stand those dogs, they all have behaviour problems and make everything stink. What pisses me off more than anything is that no matter how I tell my mother she has problems she won’t understand it. Apparently illness in this house doesn’t exist, to the point where when I had covid and I had to tell my school my mom had a mental breakdown and didn’t talk to me for a week because for her I was supposed to go. For any simple drive, she takes an hour and sometimes drives around the same town 4 times, while hitting her head against the car seat. She has intense moodswings. All that she does is talk about the man she works in the office for. It’s gotten so annoying that whenever she comes home I straight up leave. She won’t divorce my dad because he has a house and she doesn’t wanna pay for her own. Other psychotic things she did were screaming at me saying I was gross for an hour when I got earrings and she once purposely dropped dish soap on my hair when I dyed it. She forced me to wash it 10 times in a row. When I was a kid she’d rip apart my books because she did not want to help me do my homework. When I was 12 and showed signs of suicidal behaviour, she straight up stopped talking to me for the whole year. In fact I don’t have any memories with my mom at that age. All that she does is take me and my friends to expensive places so she can I hold it back against me if I point out something bad she did. She has a weird shopping compulsion, she literally goes grocery shopping everyday. It’s funny that she does this then say we’re poor. My dad isn’t any better. Although he’s mildly rational, he’s unemployed and does violent things. For as long as I remember, he would get mad and break things. When I was 15 I went to take a shower before a doctors appointment and while he was fine 10 mins before that, after he went insane and almost broke down the door, yelling that I was worse than my cousin who’s a drop out with sociopathic tendencies. For context, I’ve never done anything bad, I’m literally known as someone who’s always quiet. When I was a kid my dad would always yell at me in public and at home sometimes he’d beat me. What’s insane is that both of my parents hit me as a kid and whenever I would bring it up they’d always say they never did it. When I brought up actual times they did it they just said it was my fault. To see a picture of me as a 5 year old and think that somebody would beat that kid breaks my heart. How on earth can someone beat a kid? For almost my whole childhood I was home alone,daydreaming about being somewhere else. All this trauma led me to being unable to love anyone, hating myself to the point that I’m disgusted by people who love me and hating everyone.

On 07/06/2023, our tenants sent us an email titled ‘’missing parking space, fines, damage and discomfort’’. The tenant has been having issues regarding parking space as they have reported abandoned vehicles and overfilled parking spaces. As a result of this, they have incurred multiple parking fines.
We have listed the property with free parking space. The exact clause written in the AST states ‘’Parking with permit for the development provided to the tenant’’. The block does not have individual parking bays as all vehicles are subject to parking on a ‘first come first serve basis’. This has been informed to the tenants with written confirmation from the housing management block around 02/06/2023.
Claimant has stated that ‘it is the landlord's responsibility when renting to grant essential services and to not mislead the tenants, taking the money and leaving them with problems. If the conditions are not met, they are already ready to take immediate action as they have already appointed a lawyer to enforce their right by multiple accounts of abuse of violations.
The tenants are demands include:

• an individual parking space effective immediately
• immediate removal of the abandoned vehicle
• reimbursement of the fines totalling £520 and reimbursement of any additional days they had to park outside.
• failure to comply within 15 days will increase to £6000 as ‘’the price point for the rental has dropped due to lack of basic requirements and misleading information’’.

We have been blindsided by the news as the issues have only been made apparent to us on 01/06/2023. The email labelled ‘’final notice’’ on 07/06/2023 is the second formal mention of any parking issues. On the exact same day (01/06/2023), I reached out to the block housing management to confirm parking regulations and the procedures needed to report said vehicles which were forwarded to the tenants. Verbally, the tenant did mention a parking fine maybe 3 weeks ago but it was just a comment, they did not request support from us at the time.
Tensions have already been high with the tenant already as they have had issues with the problem already (unrelated to us). I have suggested we meet up at the lettings agency to discuss with mediation but they have refused this also.
So how can reddit help me:

• Do you guys think the tenants have any grounds if they try to seek legal action?
• we have already acknowledged their notice on 07/06/2023, but what should we do now? Should I wait for 15 days and see their response or do I need to treat this with urgency and seek legal counsel?
• are there any free services we should look into? I’m not sure if it's more appropriate to seek support from a mediation service such as TDS resolutions. We tried to book a meeting but they declined that.
• regarding legal fees, what kind of cost can I expect to be charged and can I somehow offset the cost to the tenant in case this ever goes to court.
• what is the best way to find a reliable property solicitor at fair rates? I’m not sure if ‘no win no fee’ still exists.

happy friday all,
it’s embarrassing how i’m fighting back tears as i write this post. i don’t know what to do at this point and i feel like i’m going to truly lose my mind. flare up pain usually lasts a day or two and doesnt generally bother me too much. however, i woke up with extreme pain from grinding one of my molars all night. its in my face, head, under my tongue/jaw, down my neck, and around my ear. my eye on that side feels like its drooping; it is excruciating to the point where i cannot sleep, i sat and cried for a ridiculous amount of time last night because the pain would not subside. my mouth hurts so much that it’s making me want to drool, if that happens to anyone else. i also keep finding myself absentmindedly pushing on the tooth to relieve the pain but i know its likely making this worse… i need some relief, this is an absolute nightmare! please help, anything you can suggest is so appreciated thank you so much

I wish to be more specific and add context to an earlier post I deleted. Many in the comments made HUGE assumptions and frankly, it was infuriating.
A person who is merely a former co-worker was traveling through my state on her way to another destination. She texted me, saying she'd be in my area on a certain date, and would like to "catch up, hang out, maybe stay the night." It has been five years since we last worked together, but since I know what it's like to travel with limited funds, I acquiesced.
The date she was supposed to arrive, I texted, asking if she needed my address, thinking she'd be on the road. "I hurt my back and got a late start, so it will be tomorrow before I can be there," her text came back. "Also, I hope it's okay, I'm traveling with my cat."
I don't keep pets, but, I saw no way to say, "No. Your cat is not welcome."
Does anyone see where this is leading?
So, she arrives a day later, cat in tow. No problem. Except she keeps me awake the entire night getting up and making noise and generally disturbing the peace. The next morning, over coffee, she starts in with crocodile tears and complaining about getting old and out of shape (she's 39, I'm 52. Call me in 13 years about your age, and see if I'm still here). She proceeded to tell me her weight gain was the result of a long drinking binge because she was depressed by the death of one of our co-workers, and was THUS the cause of her hurting her back. Bullshit. She was the same exact size last time I saw her. She hurt her back trying to move heavy base plates by herself. That had NOTHING to do with binge drinking or Jake's death. I had enough, by then. It was a case of pure narcissistic manipulation. Unwillingness to take responsibility for one's own actions is textbook narcissism. So, when I pointed out Jake dying had nothing to do with her pulling base plates by herself, she started yelling at me about how I wasn't listening.
I am gravely ill with stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver. I have PCM (protein calorie malnutrition) and am literally starving to death. I accommodated both her and her pet, when my instinct told me not to. Then, here she was, bemoaning weight gain to a starving person. That's like showing an ingrown toenail to an amputee, in my book. Tone deaf as fuck.
The lessons here are:
1) Listen to your intuition. Yes, I know, we often think we are somehow gaslighting ourselves, but REALLY, we have to trust our instincts.
2) Set boundaries early and adjust as needed. DO NOT let people walk all over you.
3) "No" is a complete sentence. You are under no obligation to explain why you are not interested or willing to do a thing. One of the things this visitor had the nerve to tell me is, "I never put myself in a position where I have to take 'no' for an answer." True dat, honey.
I know everyone is the hero in their own story, but really?
She left without apologizing for yelling at me in my own home. I bet she thinks I'm just awful, but the door is no longer open for her.
I will work harder to set boundaries in the future, but my short-term fix is going to be a "no visitors" policy. The stress of chronic illness and the uncertainty of cirrhosis is enough to keep my peace out of balance. No need inviting more stress.
If you read this far, thanks for following along.
Vent over.

First answer: "The best thing you can do is ignore them, and survive to stay alive.
Easier said than done but reacting to what they are doing to you is simply not worth losing your life over. They want a reaction preferably a scared or anger one from you, they want to see you upset because to them seeing those reactions from a t.i? Gives them pleasure knowing they have made you sad, angry, upset. Please don’t give them the satisfaction, because they are scum of the earth.. What you can do though is smirk at them. Like I do when I see my gang stalking group, who try to intimidate me with their pathetic tactics, my tactics are probably more lethal! But they know by me not reacting to their behaviour 24/7 the message I’m sending to them is:
‘I? Don’t care. And basically your all just a bunch of cowards who’ve got nothing better to do but to harass one female in this town. Go and get a LIFE’.
I’m the most despised female in the town i live in, it use to bother me now it doesn’t..
God bless"
Second answer: "I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. Gang stalking can be a very distressing experience, it's important to prioritize your safety and well-being.

1. Document everything: Keep a record of all incidents, including dates, times, locations, and any details you can remember. This can be helpful evidence if you need to report the stalking to the authorities.
   
2. Seek support: Talk to someone you trust about what's happening. This could be a friend, family member, or a professional such as a therapist or counselor. They can provide emotional support and help you develop coping strategies.
   
3. Take steps to protect yourself: Consider changing your routines and habits to make it more difficult for your stalkers to track you. This could include changing your phone number, using a different route to work, or installing a security system in your home. (Only if you have been physical attack before or you feel like this is currently necessary for your wellbeing).
   

Here is some additional information:

1. Understand what gang stalking is: Gang stalking is a form of harassment where a group of people systematically target an individual, usually for reasons that are unclear or irrational. The stalkers may use a variety of tactics, including following the individual, spreading rumors, and vandalizing property. It can be difficult to prove or prosecute, but it's important to take it seriously and seek help.
   
2. Know your legal rights: Depending on where you live, there may be laws that protect you from stalking and harassment. It's important to know what your rights are and how to assert them. You may want to consult with a lawyer or legal aid organization for guidance.
   
3. Stay safe online: If the stalking involves online harassment or cyberbullying, take steps to protect your digital identity. This could include changing your passwords, blocking the stalkers on social media, and reporting any abusive messages or posts.
   
4. Take care of your mental health: Gang stalking can be a traumatic experience that takes a toll on your mental health. It's important to prioritize self-care and seek professional help if needed. This could include therapy, medication, or support groups.
   
5. Build a support network: Surround yourself with people who believe and support you. This could include friends, family members, or support groups for stalking victims. Having a support network can help you cope with the stress and isolation of being stalked.
   

Remember that gang stalking is not your fault and you deserve to feel safe and respected. Taking steps to protect yourself and seek help is an important part of regaining control of your life."
Third answer: "I believe that they are deliberately making you aware of them through their psychotronic weapons, sounds and actions. They want you to pay attention to them and their street shows because this is how they are getting you into their mind control and hypnosis later- through colours, sounds, words etc. Try your best not to watch their street shows and if they keep trying to obviously attack you to get your attention, record them in video and sound recordings. Post them on your blog, save them everywhere email, hard disks, CDs etc. Go do something you enjoy instead like watching movies/ videos, gardening, reading a book etc.
Don’t tell your family members because they can brainwash your family members to calling you crazy then admitting you into a psych facility where it will intensify and worsen. Yes the gang stalkers are evil psychiatrists and their malicious colleagues. Once they admit you into their ward/ unit, you will have a record with them which they can and will use to admit you again and again anytime they want. Then your freedom will be much more restricted.
If you really want, tell a friend who has no power to admit you against your will into a psych facility. Though I would say they have all most probably been brainwashed too even though they pretend not to know at first."
Fourth answer: "Self control is the most important thing. Part of the ganstalkers game is to make you flip out and make an error of some kind".

PART [1/2]
The fresh oxygen-filled air bristled through the green canopy above. Gn’ylaum did appreciate Earth’s aesthetic to some degree, although he would never feel truly at home in these things they called forests. Yet, today he would experience it in a different way, for he was finally invited to go hunting with the human hunting group he had associated with a while ago, for the purpose.
“Do you mind if we take notes?” asked one of the four humans he was accompanying.
“Notes about what?” Gn’ylaum asked.
“Just, we’re unfamiliar with your kind and hunting, just for future reference,” answered another man, that had introduced himself as Joseph to Gn’ylaum. “I imagine you’ll also be marking some observations about us.”
That hadn’t occurred to Gn’ylaum. He wasn’t exactly looking to making a habit out of human-style hunting. He more or less did it, because hunting humans had been outlawed. This was the closest thing he would ever get, although he wouldn’t tell his companions the truth about that, he supposed.
“Sure,” nodded Gn’ylaum.
Packed with primitive weapons that humans called shotguns, and backpacks filled with miscellaneous supplies, the hunting group set off into the thick overgrown woods. On the search for a life form called deer, or boar, and some other denominations that didn’t say much to Gn’ylaum. He would follow and shoot when pointed where. He figured it wouldn’t be to difficult, since human society seemed to be at least several centuries behind on development to the civilization Gn’ylaum called home.
They had been walking for over an hour in a stiff pace. Gn’ylaum could keep up, but he wondered why humans bothered traveling in such an exhausting way. Joseph had halted the group at the edge of a clearing in between the trees. It was covered in long sharp grass and dotted by patches of bracken. Gn’ylaum had familiarized himself with Earth’s flora in preparation of the trip. It seemed so much more diverse and complex than the low grade coverage on his home planet. It was about the only thing he appreciated about this place. Even though the compactness of it sparked a hint of claustrophobia within him. Joseph gestured everyone to crouch and so they did, then he whispered Gn’ylaum over to him, so he could observe from close how they were going to shoot the deer that was apparently grazing within the clearing. Gn’ylaum hadn't seen the deer, which he credited towards the survival instinct of the animal.
“You check where the wind is coming from,” Joseph whispered. “You try to approach the with headwind, so that it cannot smell you coming and any noise that you make gets carried away from the animal.”
This made sense to Gn’ylaum. Even though he couldn’t remember animals of prey at home that would be this complicated to hunt. Most of the species on his home planet reproduced at such a rate that it would be near impossible to make a dent in their populations, when hunting them for food. Although he had understood that humans do not always hunt to provide, but also for something they call sport. Where they go about wastefully killing things to see if they can. It was a strange concept, but Gn’ylaum would be open minded about it and try before judging.
“If you’re close enough, you line the barrel of your gun along your arm, and aim it using this small indent up front,” Joseph whispered. “You need to get the head or chest, depending on what you’re hunting, right in between it.”
Thus far Gn’ylaum could follow the instructions. The weapon had seemed crude to him, but it turned out he had underestimated the sophistication of the human hunting process somewhat. There was a clear aim behind everything. Though no efficient, it had a certain elegance Gn’ylaum couldn’t deny.
“If you’ve steadied your aim, you hold your breath,” Joseph proceeded. “You guys do breath, right?” he asked, as if suddenly unsure.
Gn’ylaum nodded. His species did breath, although they didn’t need the oxygen, but their bodies processed the nitrogen in the air. Something of which Earth had plenty, so that Gn’ylaum could go about his way, without the need of aiding equipment.
“BOOM!” yelled one of the other men out of nowhere.
Both the deer and Gn’ylaum startled at the sudden loud exclamation. The deer sped off in the forest and Gn’ylaum dropped backwards on the ground. The men – bar Joseph – laughed loudly as if they were amused and proud by scaring their guest to death.
“Very funny guys,” said Joseph, as he stretched his arm out towards Gn’ylaum, to give him a hold to get back on his feet. ”Anyway, that was all, except for pulling the trigger. You shoot the next one Gn’ylaum.”
Gn’ylaum simply rubbed his backside, and cleaned his coat. As he picked up his gun from the ground, he saw the men that had laughed earlier, making notes about his movements. Which seemed odd to Gn’ylaum, as he hadn’t done anything of particular use to the goal of this trip, but he choose not to question it and strapped the weapon over his shoulder.

I didn't form this reddit page to be popular. I made it to say what nobody wants to hear, or to say out loud. Sugarcoating the truth only hurts us all down the road. THERE IS AN AGENDA and THEY are doing it in style, and in our faces.
Maybe you want to see this Nation pull through and truly become it's full potential, or maybe you want to keep on with the way things are so that it becomes a fractionalized and easier to take shadow of itself.
We remember what certain States were saying during the Obama years... TEXIT, FLEXIT, and so on. The States SHOULD have the right to divorce themselves from this Union if they so desire. In fact, Separate from this Union and join to form other Unions. ( at their own peril of course). My question is; Are these States in this Union because they TRULY WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS UNION, and the citizens that are within these States?
"No State can leave the Union"..so they say. But wait...How were they brought in? They were VOTED IN ( Ratified in ). This means a petition was offered and other States had to Vote as to whether or not that State was WORTHY TO JOIN. On the Contrary, The same State that was voted in, should be able to OPT OUT the minute it decides that the Federal Government and some or all the other States are no longer seeking the same Object.
Of Course this brings up the question of : What would the Federal Government do in retaliation to such State? For starters, the FEDGOV could SUE that State for any debt that it owes for Federal Funds thus dispersed to that State. ( welfare, Social Security, Highway Funds, etc). Which could be Billions of dollars, which begs the question of the State...Can said State AFFORD to settle said Federal Debt?
What of any Federal Military stationed there? Army , Marines, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard? Does the state just turn those personnel and equipment over to the Fed Gov in a timely manner, or does the State make an offer to buy said material and personnel ? ( Buy personnel meaning , to make a pay grade offer to each serving member).
Along the borders of said State or Union of States: What about Entry and Exit Port tariffs? Toll booths on the Interstate system at the border check points to levy an Entry fee, or CLOSE said point of entry ?
Allot to think about with all this State succession talk.
Or Perhaps do the RIGHT and EASIER thing....Adjoin other States in Forcing the FEDGOV to do the right thing and FIX this Nation !! Kick out the Central Bank, and issue REAL MONEY, End FRACTIONAL RESERVE BANKING and FORCE SOUND BANKING PRACTICES. FORCE CONGRESS to maintain a BALANCED BUDGET at ZERO DEBT; but instead, a trickle up SAVINGS ACCOUNT, with each State doing the same in tandem. Save up for that Hurricane relief ! Save up for that earthquake, Save up for that DEFENCE of our Coastline or Air. ( Maintain a static defence, but only what we need in defence, not offensive "world policing" , or influence).
FIX OUR NATION?? It's SO EASY a LAY PERSON COULD DO IT.
I'm not saying that my idea is the only answer, but I am at least offering solutions and using my freedom to redress grievances , instead of groveling and bemoaning in total complaint. It doesn't have to be this way!! This is the United States, we shouldn't HAVE to settle for LESS of our Nation.