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Been evaluating DMARC recently, and I couldn't find much information to help guide me when comparing options. So I tried to write down my thoughts in a way I would have found useful. I hope someone on here gets a bit of value out of it.
A few observations is that there is a huge disparity between bottom range vendors and top range vendors in terms of price, and that there is a corresponding disparity in terms of tool functionality and Trust-center maturity. Top tier vendors offer some cool functions, but the increase in price was hardly worth it.
Common DMARC vendor problems
Common problems among nearly all DMARC vendors we spoke to (with 1 exception) was that they all had a hard time giving us a fixed quote, claiming that they needed to run a PoC/Trial to analyze our volumes before being able to quote us. A few would provide gross estimates for us. I got a bit grossed out, because it felt like the sales reps we met with were trying to gauge how much money they'd be leaving on the table.
Bottom Tier DMARC vendor problems
The bottom tier were sketchy in terms of where support is located, where data is processed (issue especially if we collect Forensic reports) and had a difficult time answering questions on the robustness and maturity of their organizational/technical controls for whatever certifications they held. They also provided low-usability UI:s and underwhelming project management features.
One of the vendors even suggested we spin up 2 instances of their platform to manage active/inactive domains separately. I assume sales person was either a) incompetent or b) thought we had just jumped off the bus from Jokkmokk or c) the tool was horrendous.
Another consideration was that these vendors were mostly in start-up mode, and really pushed their logo-slides, indicating to me that they are desperately accumulating corporate value to become attractive acquisition targets. God forbid they'd be purchased by like DarkTrace or something.
I did a bit of quick and dirty math, and couldn't see how they were running sustainable business models. When they described their headcounts and I looked at the revenue generated with an average across their entire "we have this many customers" slide. Especially since a few of the logos these guys said were 'customers' are actually using their freemium/trial to monitor (checked with contacts at company's who were part of the logo-slides.).
These vendors cost next to nothing, but introduce a level of risk I was not happy with.
Top Tier DMARC Vendor problems
3 of the vendors we looked at fit into this category, and the prices were absolutely outrageous. As in +30x higher prices. Than the other vendors. 2 of these were more forthcoming about price estimates, and the last one did the thing where the sales rep was really shady about the pricing so we finally had enough (I found their price list through google dorks and nearly puked).
However, the 2 vendors who were more forthcoming about their prices advised us that there is a mandatory Managed Service tacked onto the DMARC tool. The managed service sounded nice (bi-weekly/monthly project calls with a consultant from their side, effectively brining our time investment down by from ~6-8h / week to ~1-4h / week, which is helpful due to backlog). But we would be unable to unsubscribe from the managed service even after achieving p=reject and just monitoring.
The vendor who's prices nearly made me puke literally had 1 unique selling point compared to peers. The ability to generate DKIM keys through their console. Helpful, sure. But it absolutely does not merit a 2x higher price than the other 2 Top Tiers. The issue I have here is that this was the vendor pushed by Microsoft, and it really got under my skin that the sales rep almost took it for granted that the business was theirs because of the recommendation by MSFT. It made me wonder how many deals these guys get for outrageous price points by buyers who don't know any better.
These vendors cost a bunch, but offer the level of risk I am OK with introducing
What did we end up doing?
One of the vendors who didn't fit into either Top Tier or Low Tier fulfilled our criteria;

1. Mature trust-center backed by good contracts, DPA:s ISO-certs and SOC-II etc. Sales rep and Engineer could speak towards various elements and were happy to make introductions to their CISO:s direct reports for more information.
2. Price point was in-between Top tier & Bottom Tier.
3. Price transparency and Predictability (They could provide prices based on # active domains + number of employees, irrespective of email volumes & sending services)
4. Managed service portion could be removed upon renewal (once every 12 months) and the price effectively goes down by 50%.
5. The sales rep was slightly less sleazy, but maybe that was because their licensing model was simpler? He was also transparent when we asked about recent negative feedback about their support.
6. UI is decent & Integrated project management section so that tasks created in other sections of the console are populated into the project management time-line and assigned to an owner.

Notes;

1. I don't want to break any policy here. So won't post a link to the price-list I found via dorks. I found it on a publicly facing governmental digital market place, published by one of the vendor's partners. Example:
   1. 3-10 Domains + <5 Sending Services scales from £17.5K / year up to 3-10 Domains + <27 Sending services for £100K / Year. And god help you if you have +50 domains.
2. Don't want to mention which vendor we went with in the end. But we got 25 Domains + Unlimited volume + unlimited sending services for ~ €12K / year.
   1. As a comparison this is 10x the price of the Low-tier vendors, and 35% of the price of the most expensive vendor (when accounting for our number of sending sources, email volume and domains)
   2. Year 1 we added on Manage Services to help with our backlog, which we plan on cutting away once p=reject can be safely activated (expected time frame ~6 months -- Which realistically means ~8 months). At this point our annual bill goes down from €18K to €12K / Year.
3. A key consideration that I found tricky before finding the vendor we went with, was trying to forecast expected email volumes since the company is planning on entering new markets, with big marketing pushes. We could have woken up one day and gotten a "true-up" call with up-to a 6x license price increase if our outbound volumes exceeded 2.5million emails. (I don't see that happening anytime soon, but I'd hate to forget about this as the company grows).
4. Getting approval for the spend was done together with marketing, and we split it 50/50. We basically asked our CMO-lite what would happen if their marketing emails went to junk-folders or were rejected outright because one of their marketing services was unaccounted for.
   1. Convo went something like:
      1. "What's your worst-case projection for this initiative?"
      2. "It's x% of target"
      3. "Okey, does that worst-case projection account for if your email marketing ends up in junk folders?"
      4. "Ye... erhh.. end up in junk folders...?"
      5. (Marketing now has a vested interest in being open about the crap they use/want to get, and CMO-lite has raised this twice with her team so far).

Sorry for any spelling/grammar issues, guys. English =/= first language. Some of the information here could be inconsistent between territories/markets. Hope someone finds it helpful.

Needing help in weather I should go buy two mini rainbow frogs in the next few days, or wait till the end of the month.
The end of this month is my birthday and I'm not too sure what I'll get. Especially when I had nothing last year and would consider it a bad birthday 😔 (I'm really nervous and anxious about this one, just don't want it to repeat)
I have a £5 off voucher along with a £10 physical gift card to use up, and I believe it's still free delivery? Just don't want to miss out and wanna make sure I have something for my bday.
In any case, I would like some advice. Along with seeing your mini rainbow frogs 🥰
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I'm a 17 year old skier from PA. I've been skiing since I was 3 and have absolutely loved every season. I use to compete I'm public race events when I was about 9 or 10 but never really had the money to join the actual team. As a result I started ridding in the park. This happend to be my one of my favorite things to do. Within weeks of ridding in the parks I had landed my first rail and after that I never stopped. I loved the adrenalin that came from trying new things and I loved hiking the same rail with my frends for hours. I loved riding with my uncle that lost his shit when he saw I learned somthing new. It was always so difficult leaving the mountain on closing day I was always afraid it would be my last season, and 22 was my last season. During the summer of 2022 I dislocated my knee for the first time while skating. I did rehab, it heald and then happened again 2 weeks after I was relised from pt I, this one was going to need sergery aswell. Again it healed and I missed the entire 2023 season accept for 1 day. That 1 day was when my uncle and his family invited me to go up north with them for the weekend since I had missed my enter season. I had a great day I wasn't pushing myself to do anything crazy, just doing some laps in the park and at 3:30 my knee dislocated for the 3rd time on ghe opposite knee. I was jumping off a rail and landed funny. The pain of a knee dislocation is unlike any other pain I have experienced just thinking about it now makes me want to vomit. This dislocation was by far the worst. Bone fragments in maltiple locations in my knee and I needed another sergery. That was about a month ago and I am currently in rehab. I asked my Dr if, contine the sports I enjoy will this keep happening. They said after full recover it would be a 15-20% chance of happening again. I don't think I can bring myself to risk it again. It dislocated the first day I had gone skiing and I don't want to have to go through it all again. The pain of the dislocation is something I never want to feel again along with the sergery and 6 months of rehab. I'm really just struggling with the thought of quitting skiing but I don't really have a choice and I don't really know what to do. As i said before skiing is a really big passion of mine. It was alway a thought in the back of my mind but hearing it from the Dr just killed me. Idk what to do now, idk how to feel ok about it.

Microcontrollers market is anticipated to grow at a significant CAGR of 10.1% during the forecast period. The rising demand from the medical sector for electronic medical devices to measure oxygen levels, blood pressure, temperature, and sugar levels and others is growing the market for microcontrollers. In addition the rising number of patients of diabetes, high blood pressure and other diseases is fuelling the demand for medical devices which further increases the demad for microcontrollers as these are used in these medical devices for providing better functioning and providing accurate results. According to American Diabetes Association (ADA) data, In 2019, 37.3 million US people, or around 11.3% of the population, had diabetes, nearly 1.9 million peple in US have type 1 diabetes, including about 244,000 children and adolescents. Around 1.4 million US people are diagnosed with diabetes every year. Now a days youths are also getting diabetes, around 283,000 people in US under age 20 are anticipated to have diagnosed diabetes, approximately 0.35% of population. Hence these increasing diseases in supporting the growth of the microcontrollers, as medical devices need these microcontrollers in devices to provide accurate results and better experience.
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· Market Coverage
· Market number available for – 2023-2029
· Base year- 2022
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· Segment Covered- By Source, By Product Type, By Applications
· Competitive Landscape- Archer Daniels Midland Co., Ingredion Inc., Kerry Group Plc, Cargill
· Inc., and others
Global Microcontrollers Market Report Segment
By Type
​

• 8-Bit
• 16-Bit
• 32-Bit

By Application
​

• Automotive
• Consumer Electronics
• Industrial
• Medical Devices,
• Other

Global Microcontrollers Market Report Segment by Region
North America
• United States
• Canada
Europe
• UK
• Germany
• Italy
• Spain
• France
• Rest of Europe
Asia-Pacific
• China
• India
• Japan
• South Korea
• Rest of Asia-Pacific
Rest of the World
• Latin America
• Middle East & Africa
The Report Covers
​

• Annualized market revenues ($ million) for each market segment.
• Country-wise analysis of major geographical regions.
• Key companies operating in the global microcontrollers market. Based on the availability of data, information related to new product launches, and relevant news is also available in the report.
• Analysis of business strategies by identifying the key market segments positioned for strong growth in the future.
• Analysis of market-entry and market expansion strategies.
• Competitive strategies by identifying ‘who-stands-where’ in the market.

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Orion Market Research (OMR) is a market research and consulting company known for its crisp and concise reports. The company is equipped with an experienced team of analysts and consultants. OMR offers quality syndicated research reports, customized research reports, consulting and other research-based services.
Media Contact:
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Contact no: +91 780-304-0404

Available Vacancies, Sales Executive, IT Manager, Financial Analyst

Financial Analyst – Facilities Management

Location: KW
Company: Alghanim Industries

Job Summary

The job holder will support the Finance Manager in managing the finance analysis function for a specific business and support the business in preparation of budgets, forecasting financials, perform meaningful analysis of financials, cost allocations and assist operations in defining meaning KPIs for monitoring and improving performance and supporting business growth initiatives

Job Responsibilities

1. Provide analytical support and ongoing monitoring to aid key decision making.
2. Manage the closure of financial and accounting books on monthly basis.
3. Contribute towards Budgeting & forecasting exercise by integrating with key business stakeholders across functions.
4. Cost monitoring of projects vs budget and project management reporting.
5. Cost allocation to business based on predefined keys/rates.
6. Monitor and interpret financial performance, providing regular analysis and expert guidance to General Managers/Directors offering insight and recommendations to enhance business performance.
7. Review current systems, make recommendations for systems enhancement, and participate in implementation of new systems.
8. Review capital expenditure models prepared by the team and managed administrative process of seeking internal approvals etc.
9. Direct and co-ordinate all activities of the financial control function

Candidate Requirements

• Professionally Qualified – CA/ACCA/CPA/MBA or equivalent.
• 1-3 years of post-qualification professional experience within finance
• Strong analytical skills; should be capable of identifying and interpreting key business drivers.
• Sound knowledge of financial and management accounting concepts coupled with excellent financial analytical capability.
• Self-starter, able to work across functions and in teams. Results-driven, with the ability to perform on unstructured assignments
• Positive attitude and flexibility to work in a multicultural environment
• Exposed to ERP systems and strong excel skills.

Apply now »
Company vacancies, Sales Executive, Service Advisor, Analyst – Projects

Jobs Available in Kuwait, Accountant, Sales Executive, Analyst – Projects

Available Vacancies, Sales Executive, IT Manager, Financial Analyst

Sales Engineer

Location: KW
Company: Alghanim Industries

Long Description

Job Summary

The Sales Engineer is responsible for the implementation of the sales plan to achieve the target and increase the department growth by optimizing the sales and market share of the existing products.

Job Responsibilities

• Always looking for new customers and sales channels and searching the market for potential initiatives. • Delivering the technical and sales presentation to the potential customers, explain the plans clearly and be ready for any customer enquiry during the meetings • Clearly revealing the pros and cons of each brand and acting as an honest mentor to the customers looking to keep the long term relationships. • Meeting customers mainly MEW to introduce our products, attending prequalification meetings and seeking MEW approval for Lighting and Solar systems. • Being available for customers’ queries and questions. • Preparing, reviewing, and qualifying the technical drawings and designs with the customer in preparation for the installation stage. • Being customer-oriented providing the highest level of services to the company clients. Improving networking with customers by keeping updated records and database. • Always looking for ways to improve the department profits by promoting the available services to satisfy the sales targets. • Being legally, socially, and environmentally responsible, acting as an ambassador presenting the professional and healthy image of Alghanim Industries. • Liaising with Marketing department to propose the necessary marketing tools. • Continuously keeping an updated customers’ information.

Candidate Requirements

• Bachelor’s Degree in Electrical Engineering field
• Up to 5 years of experience in direct sales activities. Working in the same field is a must.
• Creativity: Being able to think of new systems and new ways to work. Being able to think creatively and ask the right questions.
• Analytical Skills: Being able to understand complex mathematical analysis, calculus, and other mathematics for design and troubleshooting.
• Lighting / Street Lighting /Solar systems knowledge: Having the ability to use equipment and tools, able to read lux calculation reports
• Problem-Solving Skills: Ability to develop new solutions to problems. Having the skills to identify the source of the problem, create, and test solutions.
• Teamwork: Having to work well with others in order to get the job done.
• Listening Skills: Listening to workers, teammates, end user, and management is crucial to an engineer’s job.
• Communication Skills: Being able to communicate plans, thoughts, and rationale in the job. Good communication skills will greatly help in accomplishing the job.

Education

Apply now »
Multiple Job Vacancy in a MNC company – Jobs in Kuwait Sales Support Engineer, Visual Merchandising Manager, Financial Analyst, Gaming Consultant
📷
Available Vacancies, Sales Executive, IT Manager, Financial Analyst

Available Vacancies, Sales Executive, IT Manager, Financial Analyst

Audit Manager – Hyderabad India

Location: IN
Company: Alghanim Industries

Job Summary

Reporting to the Audit Manager, the incumbent is responsible for performing governance, risk management, and controls review and assurance related activities at PEB operations in India (Kirby India) and other locations as may be directed by the Internal Audit Management. In performing reviews and assurance activities, the role holder will follow guidance from Audit Manager and the testing guidelines in the control framework in engagement planning, preparation of audit working papers, documentation of findings, and analysis of information obtained from BU Finance and Operations, and past Audit and Investigation reports. Under the supervision of the Audit Manager, the incumbent will also undertake statutory compliance audits or fraud investigations. The role holder should always represent the department in a professional manner, abide by professional standards and the code of ethics as laid down by the Institute of Internal Auditors (IIA), and seek every opportunity follow the principles articulated in the department’s vision, objectives, operating manual (procedures), and Alghanim Industries’ code of conduct.

Job Responsibilities

• In consultation with the supervisor or Audit Manager, design test plans and independently perform substantive audit procedures as per defined test plan. • Deliver engagements including the mandatory statutory compliance audits with minimal supervision. • Prepare working papers in accordance with departmental procedures and best practice. • Prepare clear and concise audit, statutory compliance, and investigations reports to articulate engagement findings. • Perform special audits, including the investigations of suspected incidents of fraud. • Provide support in companywide risk assessments activities for the preparation of the annual audit plan.

Candidate Requirements

• Educated to degree level or equivalent preferably in Mechanical Engineering. • Holder of professional certification such as CA/ACCA/CPA/CIA is mandatory • Minimum of 3 -5 years of internal audit experience, Having pre-engineered steel (PEB) building industry background or manufacturing will be an added advantage. • Some line responsibility or project management experience will be an added advantage. • Knowledge of local language is preferable.
• Working knowledge of recognized standards such as International Professional Practices and Competency Framework for Internal Audit Activity, COSO, COBIT, etc. • Knowledge of relevant accounting standards • Basic working knowledge of relevant ERP systems to navigate and understand accounting transactions.
Apply now »Company vacancies, Sales Executive, Service Advisor, Analyst – Projects

Available Vacancies, Sales Executive, IT Manager, Financial Analyst

Sr. IT Manager – Data Analytics

Location: KW
Company: Alghanim Industries

Job Summary

IT Manager – Data Analytics, AI, ML. will help drive Alghanim Industries’ efforts to leverage data to gain insights that facilitate better decision making, customer-focused marketing, and improved business / financial performance. Manager will provide technical and thought leadership, and work collaboratively across the various business units. The candidate will help us to jump to the next level by implementing Data Governance and new technologies such as Artificial Intelligence and Machine learning.

Job Responsibilities

Key Responsibilities: · Formulate strategy and roadmap for analytics across business units. · Lead cross-functional projects using advanced data modelling and analysis techniques to discover insights that will guide strategic decisions and uncover optimization opportunities. · Build, develop and maintain data models, reporting systems, data automation systems, dashboards and performance metrics that support key business decisions. · Design and build technical processes to address business issues. · Oversee the design and delivery of reports, performance metrics, and insights that analyze key business functions and operations. · Recruit, train, develop and supervise analyst-level employees. · Ensure accuracy of data and deliverables of Data Analytics team with comprehensive policies and processes. · Deliver elements of systems design including extraction, staging and reporting; viz. solution architecture. · Required to work with internal and external BI resources to deliver projects and support. · Vendor empanelment and management. · Examine, interpret and report results of analytical initiatives to stakeholders in leadership, technology, sales, marketing and product teams. · Oversee the data/report requests process: tracking requests submitted, prioritization, approval, etc. · Develop and implement quality controls and departmental standards to ensure quality standards, organizational expectations, and regulatory requirements. · Anticipate future demands of initiatives related to people, technology, budget and business within your department and design/implement solutions to meet these needs. · Organize and drive successful completion of data insight initiatives through effective management of analyst and data employees and effective collaboration with stakeholders. · Leverage analytics techniques to contribute to company growth efforts, increasing revenue and other key business outcomes. · Conduct technology and partner evaluations · Interface with business partners for roadmaps, requirements, and projects. · Conduct end user training to drive self-service reporting. · Ensure appropriate error handing, identification and notification procedures are present on all processes.

Candidate Requirements

General Business Skills: · Extensive experience interacting and partnering with senior executives. · Excellent communication, collaboration and delegation skills. · Excellent presentation skills. · Experience managing large complex BI projects and teams. · Proven ability to complete projects and achieve results in an ambiguous work environment. · Proven strong leadership skills within the project team and in the business community. · Proven ability to establish and articulate a vision, set goals, develop and execute strategies, and track and measure results. · Proven ability to build and motivate a team. · Proven strong negotiating and consensus building abilities. · Proven skills to work effectively across internal & external functional areas. Technical Skills: · Working knowledge of data mining principles: predictive analytics, mapping, collecting data from multiple data systems on premises and cloud-based data sources. · In depth expertise in Enterprise Data Warehousing tools such as Amazon Redshift, Snowflake, Spark, MSSQL etc. · Strong DB & SQL skills, ability to perform effective querying involving multiple tables and subqueries. · Understanding of and experience using analytical concepts and statistical techniques: hypothesis development, designing tests/experiments, analyzing data, drawing conclusions, and developing actionable recommendations for business units. · Experience and knowledge of statistical modeling techniques: GLM multiple regression, logistic regression, log-linear regression, variable selection, etc. · Strong programming skills in: SQL, Python. · Strong Experience in at least one of the listed data management tools: Talend, Matillion, Glue Data Studio, BODS, Informatica or similar ETL Systems. · Strong Experience with Cloud Platforms such as AWS & Azure · Experience with data visualization tools: Power BI, Amazon Quicksight, Tableau, R, Raw, chart.js, etc. · Functional Experience & Strong Understanding of Customer Data Platforms, Data Lake and implementation experience. Education and Experience: · Continuing education and training to stay abreast of latest developments and best practices in data analytics field. · 10 – 15 years experience in SAP as well as non-SAP based technologies not limited to cloud technologies.

Education

Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Science
Apply now »
Latest Jobs Today Accountant, Costing Clerk, Financial Analyst

Sales Executive

Location: KW
Company: Alghanim Industries
Position Overview
Developing customer base and managing the business in terms of Customer relationship, Sales, Marketing and Profitability .The Industry segment covers Freight Forwarding, Exports , Imports and Transportation.
Essential Job Roles:

• Creating foreign agent and local client base and building business
• Selling Logistics services to various clients.
• Packing & Removal / Relocation services/ Export & Import
• Customs Clearance
• Warehouse and Distribution
• Land transportation / Sea Freight / Air freight / Imports by Land/ Ai Sea.
• Visiting individual customer once receive call or email / pre survey various location in Kuwait
• Handling diplomatic client
• Prompting our service with worldwide foreign agents
• Manage an assigned or entire geographical sales area
• Develop prospective clients, make cold calls and service and grow existing clients
• Respond to inquiries by clients
• Send inquiries to agents
• Prepare quotations through Sales support and send to clients
• Follow –up on quotations and close business, if lost revert with reasons
• On receiving confirmed business hand over to customer service / coordinators
• Coordinate through Customer service / coordinators with operations for container placing / container releases, booking the packing dates, getting quotes from the agents.
• Monitor timely Delivery of invoices to clients if any disputes, update credit control
• Collect dues and outstanding amounts from clients in allotted credit limit
• Meet volume targets
• Timely submission of reports set by the management as per the deadline. Weekly report/ monthly report.
• Provide MIS information on Market & Competitor activity to Management
• Ensure Credit customers are wetted out through the with Credit approval process
• Communicate with customer, suppliers, contract administration,
• Obtain the various relocation agency or membership

Skills, Knowledge & Experience Required

• Bachelor’s degree (BA/BS) from four-year University, ideally with majoconcentrations in business/marketing, logistics and/or supply chain management, or equivalent degree.
• 5 to 15 years related work experience
• Aggressive sales generation by nature,
• Self-motivated and man of ideas,
• Excellent communication and presentation skills,
• Thorough understanding of freight deal makings in GCC. Sales and marketing qualifications
• Customer relationship
• Administration and management
• Capable to make decisions
• Problem-solving
• Computer Skills

Apply now »
MNC Jobs, IT Manager, Purchasing Engineer, Cashier Vacancy

Finance Analyst & Senior Finance Analyst

Location: KW
Company: Alghanim Industries
POSITION OVERVIEW
Alghanim Industries is recruiting Finance Analysts and Senior Finance Analysts for the Automotive and Retail Group. The job holder will be an integral part of the finance team providing clear, accurate and insightful business/financial analysis. The job holder will also contribute to business planning and be included in project work and or specialist ad hoc reporting.
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES

• Conduct detailed analyses as per business needs.
• Prepare and present Key Performance Indicators.
• Prepare budgets and periodic forecasts.
• Perform resource efficiency analysis.
• Carry out cost saving analysis and provide recommendations.
• Analyse Advertising and Promotion and other key expenses.
• Prepare and update financial and/or managerial reports.
• Update the BU’s Master Data File.
• Provide data on day-to-day issues to operations, logistics & operational excellence.

QUALIFICATION

• Must have a university degree in finance or a relevant field
• Professionally Qualified – CA/CPA/CMA/MBA or equivalent

SKILLS AND CANDIDATE REQUIREMENTS

• Must have a minimum 2+ years of relevant experience post qualification
• Sound knowledge of financial and management accounting concepts.
• Demonstrated analytical ability.
• Fluency in English; strong verbal and written communication skills.
• Proficient in Excel and PowerPoint.
• Good interpersonal and presentation skills.

Apply now »
Latest Jobs Today Accountant, Costing Clerk, Financial Analyst

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⎯

★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $375

★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $363

★ Bowie Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $269

★ Bowie Knife Crimson Web WW, B/O: $192

★ Bowie Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $159

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $126

⎯

★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $616

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $412

★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe FT, B/O: $227

⎯

★ Falchion Knife Lore FT, B/O: $214

★ Falchion Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $192

★ Falchion Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $105

⎯

★ Survival Knife Crimson Web BS, B/O: $216

★ Survival Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $198

★ Survival Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $111

⎯

★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $368

★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $228

★ Shadow Daggers, B/O: $201

★ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $108

★ Shadow Daggers Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $105

★ Shadow Daggers Black Laminate FT, B/O: $99

★ Shadow Daggers Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $85

⎯

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $1700

★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $223

★ Gut Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $203

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $191

★ Gut Knife Case Hardened BS, B/O: $127

⎯

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199

★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $138

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $111

⎯

★ Classic Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $146

★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $168

⎯

★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $476

★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $375

⎯

★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $1137

★ Talon Knife, B/O: $608

★ Paracord Knife, B/O: $305

★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

GLOVES

★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $204

★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $142

★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84

★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63

⎯

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1215

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $672

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $305

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander BS, B/O: $140

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web BS, B/O: $137

★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot FT, B/O: $75

⎯

★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $359

★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid BS, B/O: $229

★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $77

★ Driver Gloves Racing Green FT, B/O: $48

⎯

★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $739

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $733

★ Sport Gloves Arid BS, B/O: $292

⎯

★ Hand Wraps Giraffe MW, B/O: $212

★ Hand Wraps Leather FT, B/O: $160

★ Hand Wraps Desert Shamagh MW, B/O: $101

⎯

★ Broken Fang Gloves Yellow-banded MW, B/O: $185

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point FT, B/O: $67

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point WW, B/O: $59

⎯

★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened BS, B/O: $65

★ Hydra Gloves Emerald FT, B/O: $65

★ Hydra Gloves Emerald BS, B/O: $62

WEAPONS

AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130

AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70

AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60

StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge FT, B/O: $72

⎯

AWP Fade FN, B/O: $1039

AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139

AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139

AWP Wildfire MW, B/O: $95

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93

AWP Duality FN, B/O: $81

AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79

AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79

AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $60

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68

StatTrak™ AWP Electric Hive FT, B/O: $55

⎯

Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $623

Desert Eagle Emerald Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $241

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Printstream FT, B/O: $54

⎯

M4A1-S Blue Phosphor FN, B/O: $434

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Bright Water MW, B/O: $55

⎯

M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1465

M4A4 Asiimov BS, B/O: $55

M4A4 Hellfire MW, B/O: $50

⎯

USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $72

USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69

StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $139

⎯

AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $234

P90 Run and Hide FT, B/O: $147

Five-SeveN Candy Apple FN, B/O: $61

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.

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TLDR: Be liberal but pick a progressive running mate lmao to get exactly 306-232.
VP: Karen Bass (worst option at start, but that does mean it makes it extremely hard to get good RNG on states you don't want to win like OH, FL, but still leaves you with good room on the states you must win like PA, AZ, and NV)
Visits: Split between WI, PA & GA, you should try to get Georgia +2 at end, PA by like +5 or 6, and WI by +10
Difficulty: Normal
Q1: We're going to build back better than ever before. I'm going to work for every American, repairing our critical infrastructure at home and our standing in the world.
Q2: We're going to defeat COVID and get America working again. I'm going to push for this day and night from the moment I step into the White House.
Q3: I should be out there talking to the American people. That doesn't mean we do rallies with 10 thousand people, but we can't afford to just sit around in our basement for the next five months.
Q4: Who authorized this meeting? Did I authorize this meeting? We're telling Bernie Sanders that he'd better fall in line. We have an election to win.
Q5: I'm not going to spend the 2020 campaign focusing on 2019 issues. We need to talk about our plans to fight this COVID-19 epidemic and rebuild the economy.
Q6: I talked with a lot of people before I made my decision, and Karen Bass stood out as someone with the judgment and experience to work with me in the White House.
Q7: I'm proud of my son. He's overcome a lot to find success in life. This campaign is about the American people and their struggles and opportunities. I'm not going to spend my time talking about Trump and Ukraine.
Q8: Being a police officer is one of the hardest jobs there is, but they got it very wrong here. I have every confidence that Hennepin County will take the appropriate action against the officers involved in this case.
Q9: We need to put $2000 in the hands of every American, and we need to put forward a truly substantial relief package for our struggling small businesses and job creators.
Q10: Two of my old friends, Jimmy Carter and James Baker, came out with a great study on election integrity a few years ago, and it's time we put their recommendations into action. I think this would represent a reasonable compromise between making it easy to vote, while ensuring our elections are secure from fraud.
Q11: I'm proposing a pretty big bill, you might have noticed, around $2 trillion to rebuild our roads, develop mass transit and green energy, and repair critical human infrastructure needs as well. We must move forward as a country.
Q12: We're not going to have a national lockdown. That's just fear-mongering from the Republicans to distract from how they've mishandled the pandemic. This is something each locality can decide for themselves, based on local conditions.
Q13: The Court has had nine justices since 1869, and any attempt to change that is sure to destroy the Court's legitimacy even further. We must look at other kinds of reform.
Q14: We can sit around all day worrying about tactics, but the fact of the matter is, we need to win elections. If Democrats did a better job of appealing to all Americans, we wouldn't be in this predicament right now.
Q15: It's the debate, I don't care enough to look for best RNG lmao.
Q16: Jill and I are praying for a full and speedy recovery for President Trump. As someone who has dealt with tragedy, you never want to see this kind of thing happen to anyone.
Q17: We're going to be fair, but we're going to be tough. I've always supported the rule of law in my career, for decades now, regardless of what some right-wing websites try to say about me.
Q18: People know all about Donald Trump and the dozens of scandals that have unfolded around him. I think we're better off talking about solutions to the COVID-19 crisis and the economy.
Q19: The right-wing media wants to present me as some kind of a gun-grabber, when that couldn't be further from the truth. My only crime is not parroting the NRA's every last word on this issue.
Q20: These attacks are wrong and they should prosecuted to the full extent of the law. At the same time, we need more answers from China. Millions of lives and trillions of dollars have been lost, yet they continue to block any serious investigation into the origins of this virus.
Q21: We've got a small troop presence in Afghanistan right now, and we should probably keep it that way. I'm confident that country will continue to gradually stabilize over time, with a consistent but minimal investment from the United States.
Q22: Our relationship with China, depends on China. If they show a greater willingness to cooperate, then we can rebuild our relationship from the damage that Trump inflicted. If they continue to act in a hostile manner, we'll have to react accordingly.
Q23: If Trump thought he was going to win this election, he wouldn't be saying these kinds of things. I'm confident that we're going to win, and that the American people will have full faith in the outcome this year.
Q24: This is a fake laptop. End of story. I don't know how it got passed around, but you have to strongly suspect Russian intelligence or other nefarious actors here.
Q25: I want us to focus on Pennsylvania, with maybe a quick stop over the border in Ohio.

Hello! Just arrived in Ko Phangan, and it's really rainy, and the weather forecast seems to be the same for the next days. How the weathers been before? Is there still hope ? Thanks

/LonghornNation Daily Off Topic Free Talk Thread

Today: 6/8/2023

Last Thread

Current Austin Weather: 76° and Clouds

Seven Day Forecast:

6/7	6/8	6/9	6/10	6/11	6/12	6/13
90°, Rain	95°, Rain	97°, Clouds	97°, Clear	99°, Clear	102°, Clear	100°, Clouds

Your go-to place to talk about whatever you want. From the dumb shit aggies do on a near daily basis, to the latest whatever happening wherever. What ya got?

Recent Longhorn Tweets

Here's a look at upcoming Longhorn Sporting Event(s):

1. 6/9 University of Texas Track & Field / Cross Country vs NCAA Outdoor Championships
2. 6/10 University of Texas Track & Field / Cross Country vs NCAA Outdoor Championships
3. 6/10 5:00 PM University of Texas Baseball at Stanford
4. 6/11 University of Texas Baseball at Stanford
5. 6/12 University of Texas Baseball at Stanford (if necessary)

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/All

1. TIL Neil Armstrong completed almost all required coursework towards a master's degree when he joined NASA in early 1960s. A semester short, he returned to USC after his moon landing in 1970 to give a one-hour seminar on the technical aspects of landing Apollo's lunar module to receive his Masters
2. post malone being a great guy to his fans!
3. Biden vetoes measure overturning student loan forgiveness plan
4. TV at different speeds
5. Got a parking ticket last month. Went to court and got it dismissed because I was parked legally. This month, got another one by parking in the same spot, issued by the same officer. smh

/CFB

1. Arizona President on TV deal: “We’re not going to get a Big Ten deal. We're not gonna get an SEC deal. But if we finish 3rd in this sweepstakes, I've never thought that winning the bronze medal was a great aspirational goal. But if we win a bronze medal, I think we'd all declare victory.”
2. [Thamel] Sources: The Big 12 is exploring starting a bowl game in Mexico in the postseason of 2026, with the site targeted to be Monterrey.
3. [McMurphy] AAU membership “not a requirement,” to join Big Ten, sources told @ActionNetworkHQ . “Maybe (AAU status) is a preference, but solid academics are measured variety of ways,” source said.
4. [McMurphy] For second consecutive season, Appalachian State has sold out its entire season ticket allotment
5. [Kirk Bohls] Texas AD Chris Del Conte's name has come up as a potential candidate for USC job, but he says, "I have no interest in any other job. Who you work for matters. I work for an incredible president who is taking Texas to new heights. I'm blessed to be here."

/LonghornNation

1. [6/7/2023] Wednesday's Off Topic Free Talk Thread
2. [6/7/2023] Wednesday's Sports Talk Thread
3. Memorable Radio Broadcasts?
4. We gotta beat these Nerds....
5. The Stanford Super Regional is Set! 🤘🏻
6. Michael Huff is on the 2024 ballot for the College Football Hall of Fame! 🤘
7. [6/6/2023] Tuesday's Sports Talk Thread

LonghornBot: you can get a list of commands you can give for the bot by commenting ".help". You will receive a private message with the commands.
This thread was programmatically generated and posted on 6/8/2023 12:00 AM. If you have any questions or comments, please contact brihoang or chrislabeard

I (26m) spent quite a long time trying to pursue my dreams. I tried to break into the film industry and pursue my dream of being a movie editor and I worked on a bunch of sets as a PA. It was fantastic to work in my passion, but the work became really hard to come by and the well ran really dry. My credit card debt was piling up so I just had to swallow our pride and get consistent income, and I’m now working at a movie theater. I’m still struggling with money because I’m working minimum wage and we can’t do shit with my new media college degree. I’m the oldest non-supervisor on staff at my job and I’m gonna be honest, I feel like a fucking loser and I’m pretty fucking disappointed in myself.
I had pretty high hopes once I graduated from college and two years ago I was over the moon working on sets and pursuing my passion. Now I’m working minimum wage with a bunch of shithead teenagers and just barely getting by. In fact, every time I rip a ticket or get someone popcorn, I have a lingering thought in the back of my head that they’re probably making more than I am and have a better job than me. Both of my sisters have surpassed me and so have all of my friends, and I honestly can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. I’m a huge fuck up and I have no idea what’s going to happen or what I’m gonna do. I just know I don’t wanna spend my whole goddamn life at this movie theater even though I don’t know what other options I’ll have. I can’t imagine how disappointed me from 10 years ago would feel knowing this is where we ended up.
Anyway, yeah, off to bed to rest up for another day at my amazing job. Thank you for reading.

** Fri 6/9 *\*
Fri 4 - 7:30 PM Food Truck Friday Rio Rancho Regional Chamber of Commerce, 4201 Crestview Dr. SE, Rio Rancho We welcome attendees of all ages to gather together and enjoy great food and music
Fri 5 - 7 PM Exhibit Opening: Colors That Speak Words Indian Pueblo Cultural Center, 2401 12th St. NW Join us in celebration of the visual arts, poetry, and calligraphy. "Colors That Speak Words" is a collaborative installation between two writers and two visual artists with words, poetry, and visual arts and speaks to how this combination of mediums can be done in a cyclical way. The artists, Dr. Anthony Fleg, Mallery Quetawki (Zuni), Blythe Mariano (Diné), and Chilán Mustain, worked together to create an installation in motion, and the vision they bring to this space is from a contemporary perspective on how Native art is presented. This is an innovative view for visitors to see that Native art is changing and adjusting to the times. The artists will be present at the exhibit opening to read poetry and talk about this installation. Admission is free; please enter through South Entrance. Light refreshments will be served. This exhibit will be on display through October 15
Fri 5 - 10 PM Car Show & Concert! EXPO NM Home of the New Mexico State Fair, 300 San Pedro Dr. NE Friday night fever Vol 2! CAR SHOW & AWARDs, RAP CONCERT, VENDORS, FOOD TRUCKS, GAMES, ROCK CLIMBING WALL. All Makes and Models welcome. FREE GENERAL ADMISSION. $7 Parking, $10 Car Show judging and awards (only if you want to register and compete) Event brought to you by Expo NM and Desert Sun Event Productions. Car show brought to you by Sins events and NM Lowrider Arte
Fri 6 PM Rugby is a Drag (Show)! Sidewinders Bar and Grill, 4200 Central Ave SE Get out your dancing cleats and trade in that eye black for eye liner! The very popular Rugby is a Drag (show!) and fundraiser, normally held earlier in the year, has moved to June 9th and Pride weekend in 2023! This year's event will be hosted by Miss Sidewinders 2023 Seliah Deleon and Le Femme Magnifique 2017 and fellow rugger SCRUMtious Cox! This year's show is returning to Sidewinders and, as in year's past, will benefit our friends at Casa Q, which provides safe living for LGBTQ+ youth through housing, services and advocacy. This year's event will also feature participation from members of Elevated Roller Derby, NM United and more! (tickets)
Fri 7 PM Movies in the Park - Puss in Boots: The Last Wish Athena Park, 778 Athena Ave, Bernalillo MOVIES IN THE PARK is back this SUMMER! We will feature a different movie at our local parks every FRIDAY night in June. Movies will begin at sundown and we will serve popcorn for free! Bring your lawn chairs, blankets, and beverages. All movies are FREE! In the case of inclement weather, movies will be cancelled
Fri 8 PM - 12 AM Pride Dance Party 505 Spirits, 105 Harvard Dr. SE DANCE WITH US TO CELEBRATE PRIDE UNDER THE STARS @ PRIDE ON THE PATIO! DJ Baby D & DJ Rebel (Rori the Rebel) will drop your favorite hits - Get your dance on and show of your Pride with your best Pride outfit &/or Pride colors! Try our special cocktail: Prickly Pear Pride Punch, plus other great drinks and delicious food! Come early for dinner before you dance, daNCE, DANCE!!! Delicious Value Menu Items: $2.95 - NEW Sliders! (beef & veg) $1.95 - local blue corn dog pops (minis) $5.95 waffle fries & full sized blue corn dogs (veg or beef) Plus our flaky meat & veg hand pies, chunky chicken salad, mushroom pate & more! 21 & over Free Entry!
Fri 9 PM Albuquerque Pride Afterparty Historic Lobo Theater, 3013 Central Ave NE Starring Headliner: Malaysia Babydoll Foxx, DJ: Justin Cristofer, HOST: Vanessa Patricks, MEET THE QUEENS! Avery Martini, Imani Martini, Nova Martini, Kardio Karbdashian, Divyne Intervention. Private Early Entrance Meet N Greet begins at 8:15 p.m. entrance with Meet N Greet starting 8:30 p.m. Champagne Provided (tickets)
Fri 9 PM Fierce Pride: Kandy Muse Effex, 420 Central Ave SW Special guest from RPDR All Stars S13 and AS8, LA, CA, Meet and Greet 10:30 PM, doors 9p, show 11:30p Lounge: DJ Chris de Jesus Patio: DJ Aquattro Side Effex: DJ Mitch
Fri 9:30 PM Salsa under the Stars After Party JUNO, 1501 1st St. NW DJ Pedro, one of Albuquerque’s most loved DJ’s (DJ Pedro, DJ Tony, SoloVino, DJ Louie, DJ Darly + Eli Mix) mixing your favorite dance mix of Salsa, Bachata, Merengue and more! This is one of Albuquerque’s favorite after party summer outdoor events and will begin June 9th following the opening of Son Como Son kicking off the Salsa under the Stars at the Albuquerque Museum followed by the after party at Juno. Free entry to Juno with your stamp from the museum
Fri 10:30 PM Twilight Zone: The Movie - 40th Anniversary Screening! One Night Only! The Guild Cinema, 3405 Central Ave NE Check out the trailer. Dir. Joe Dante, Steven Spielberg, John Landis & George Miller - 1983 - 102m - NO MATINEES. DOOR PRIZES COURTESY OF BUBONICON 54! Based on the popular television series, this film is a collection of four frightening tales of the supernatural, each by a different director--Joe Dante, Steven Spielberg, John Landis, and George Miller! The film opens with Dan Aykroyd and Albert Brooks as two hapless road-trippers who tell scary stories to pass the time. The four segments that follow include some updated re-creations of classic Twilight Zone episodes. In the first, racist Bill Connor (Vic Morrow) is transformed into a Jew in World War II. Next, Mr. Bloom (Scatman Crothers) comes to a retirement home to teach the residents that they are only as young as they feel. In the third, teacher Helen Foley (Kathleen Quinlan) meets Antony (Jeremy Licht), a boy who is not what he seems. In the final segment, panicky plane passenger John Valentine (John Lithgow) sees gremlins attacking his flight
** Sat 6/10 *\*
Sat 8 AM - 2 PM NMHRS Garage Sale 7903 Robin Ave NE Hosted by the New Mexico House Rabbit Society. All sales go into our vet fund so that we can continue to provide medical care to rabbits in need. This is a multi-family garage sale so there will be lots to browse through
Sat 8 AM - 10 PM All The Things: Craft Cocktail & Mixer Launch Tractor Brewing Company, 118 Tulane Dr. SE The next evolution in the craft cocktail experience is here and officially launch in Nob Hill for Pride! What is All The Things? Well, let me tell you. Imagine 100% fresh cold pressed juice, pure cane sugar, and Troubled Minds spirits all in one 1L bottle ready to pour over ice! That's right you can purchase these ready made bottle cocktails now at ANY of our locations! We have: Margarita with Tequila, Paloma with Tequila, Kentucky Mule with Bourbon, Ginger Lemonade with Vodka, Limeade with Vodka & Bloody Mary with Vodka! Grab you one to go for $16! We will be using mixers of these behind our bars so you can get a first hand taste! And offering non alcoholic lavender, ginger, and classic lemonades for you to sip on! These truly are All The Things in one bottle!
Sat 9 AM - 12 PM Family, Fit, Fun Fest Tiguex Park, 1800 Mountain Rd. NW Join us for the Girl Scouts of New Mexico Trails 2nd annual Family, Fit, Fun Fest. Bring your whole family to this free, all-ages event to learn about keeping fit and healthy - mentally, physically, and emotionally. Learn new skills and discover ways to keep your mind and body healthy and active, as you visit interactive booths led by community partners. Booths will include hands-on activities like games, puzzles, and brain teasers, as well as interactive lessons in martial arts, dance, mindfulness, and more. Booths will also include information on youth classes, clubs, and teams, as well as opportunities to meet local healthcare providers and learn more about mental health, nutrition, eye care, and dental care for your whole family. Climb to the top of a rock wall, make your way through an obstacle course, try the football toss or the baseball toss, shoot a hockey puck, or score a goal at interactive stations around the event! Meet and take photos with local sports teams and/or mascots and stop by Menchie's Froyo Mobile for a sweet treat. Girl Scout Members can participate in a special event scavenger hunt when they pre-purchase the 2023 GSNMT Family, Fit, Fun Fest patch
Sat 10 AM SOCH PRIDE '23 Albuquerque Social Club, 4021 Central Ave NE Come show your PRIDE at the ONLY place to be SOCHial! We are taking over the parking lot for a FREE ALL AGES event. We have multile bands, musicians and perfromers ready to give a PRIDE you wont forget. Food Truck, Vendors, Face Painting, Car Show, Games, Country Dancing and many other fun events!
Sat 10 - 11 AM Yoga with Kelsi Poulin Marketplace mezzanine, 8600 Pan American Fwy NE Enjoy guided yoga, from local yoga instructor, Kelsi! This will be a fun flow for all levels of yoga practice. $10 per person
Sat 10 AM - 12 PM Play Day For A Cause Kiddie Academy of Paradise Hills, 4590 Paradise Blvd. NW Join us for Play Day for a Cause! This free event has great games and fun activities for your kids while supporting Family Promise, the leading national nonprofit addressing family homelessness. Family Promise started in 1986 as local outreach in a single community and now has more than 200 Affiliates in 43 states. Since their founding, volunteers have helped more than a million family members in need. With a focus on empowering families and children, Kiddie Academy Educational Child Care and Family Promise are working together to give every child what they deserve: a chance to succeed. The event is free and open to the public. Donations are appreciated, but not required to attend
Sat 10 AM - 4 PM Foundational Wellness Grand Opening Party Los Ranchos Bakery, 6920 4th St. NW, Los Ranchos Celebrate our grand opening event by stopping by the B Side of Los Ranchos Bakery! Herbal tea blends, door prizes, free raffle, information on classes and events, and more! Win a free reiki session, teas, discounts on classes, or discounts on nutritional therapy! I will be teaching numerous classes at the bakery this summer. Some topics: How to make Herbal Vinegar Tinctures (aceta), Hormone Health, Healthy Habits for Life, Improve Your Digestion, Prioritizing Meal Prep, Blood Sugar Regulation, and my RESTART Program! You don’t want to miss out! Some of these classes will be free! So come on down and get some coffee and goodies from the bakery, then visit me next door and see what we’ve been up to
Sat 10 AM - 5 PM Pride Day Celebration! Quirky Used Books and More, 120 Jefferson NE Book sales, vendor pop ups, food truck, art, music, and more!
Sat 10:30 AM - 12 PM Wellness Schedule Casa Rondeña Winery, 733 Chavez Rd. NW, Los Ranchos Open to people of all skill levels, Wellness + Wine is a one-hour, outdoor practice, followed by a glass of wine or Sangria, and an invitation to stay and relax on the grounds of the beautiful Casa Rondeña Winery. This experience is $25, and includes glass of wine. Discounts apply for winery members. Reservations are required to participate
Sat 11 AM - 4 PM Papa Bear Market Boxing Bear Brewing, 10200 Corrales Rd. NW We couldn’t forget about our PAPA BEARS! Dads deserve some love and appreciation too! Spend the day celebrating Papa at our taproom. As always this FREE event will include local vendors, food trucks, photo booth, live music, paint your own pint, and, of course, BEER! (click link for full list of vendors)
Sat 11 AM - 5 PM June Used Book Sale Main Library, 501 Copper Ave NW Join us for the monthly book sale. There will be a variety of fiction, non-fiction, children and adults books, videos, DVDs, CDs, comic books, maps, and more available. Free for Members - $2 for Non-Members Free to all after noon. All Sales are held in the Lower Level, Main Library, Validated parking is available on 5th and Copper, kitty-corner to the library. The Friends of the Public Library is a non-profit organization. All proceeds go to supporting the Public Library of Albuquerque & Bernalillo County library programs
Sat 12 - 5 PM Summer Luau - Adoptables, Swag, Brews, and more! Lizard Tail Brewing Industrial, 3351 Columbia Dr. NE Hosted by Pitties and Kitties of New Mexico. We will have some PKR Tees, some PKR Pride gear, and best of all - our adoptabulls! Our booth will have a small auction set up… the prize being Tattoo Certificates with an ABQ tattoo artist! There will be a car show, other vendors, as well as water activities. Hope to see y’all there!
Sat 1 - 3 PM Family Field Day! Montgomery Park, Hosted by ABQ Family Chiropractic. A celebration of all the families who trust us with their care, and an opportunity for families who are considering our office to get to know our team in a fun, low-stakes environment. Food and family-friendly activities will be provided
Sat 1 - 4 PM Zouk with Jaime Arôxa! Alley Kats Tap Company, 222 Truman St. NE We will continue building on, and reviewing everything we have learned with Jamie Arôxa and Kiri Chapman thus far. We will continue to work on Zouk basics and building on the basics including connection and timing, musicality, lateral with variations, Yo-yo, viradinha, cambre, body, rolls, body, isolations, weight transfers, counterbalance, elástico, convergence & divergence, Wi-Fi, head, movement, styling, head movement, varying turns, and Chicote. Classes will be progressive and will be adjusted to the level of each class. Drop in anytime * All levels welcome * No partner needed * Cash preferred - can also accept Venmo and Cash App to $UWDstudios
Sat 1:30 - 4 PM Father's Day Tee Cabezon Park, 2307 Cabezon Blvd. SE, Rio Rancho Celebrate Father's Day with a round of miniature golf or two! Tee-off with dad at our Annual Father's Day "Tee". Enjoy some snacks, and an Arnold Palmer while making a craft with dad. Prizes awarded for the top 3 teams in miniature golf! Each child and parent must register individually. NO DROP-INS. Please contact the Cabezon Community Center at 505-892-4499 for more info
Sat 4 - 5 PM East Coast Swing Group Class Enchantment Dancing, 337 San Pedro Dr. NE Welcome to our Bronze American East Coast Swing Class! Whether you are a newbie stepping on to the dance floor for the first time or a seasoned professional wanting to brush up on basics, as well as anyone in-between, this class is for you! East Coast Swing is an exciting, up-beat dance that is endlessly versatile! No partner necessary, and dropping in is fine! Class cost is only $10, and a punch card for 6 classes is $50
Sat 6 - 10 PM Baddie Fest OT Circus, 709 Central Ave NW let's all have a fun summer night. Fairy Julz (crystals and more to raise your energy) will be at @ otcircus. Market, Music, Dance Performers, Crystal Pop Up Booth, Henna, Woman Vendors. Tag and invite your favorite baddies
Sat 6 - 11 PM Heights Summerfest North Domingo Baca Park, Celebrate warm weather and outdoor fun at a free community gathering during an Albuquerque Summerfest. This free concert series features local businesses with handcrafted products in The Shops, food trucks with freshly made cuisine in the Food Court, libations created by breweries, wineries and distilleries in The Cantina, entertainment by local talent, and a production by a national headliner all at a City park (click here for more info: live music, food trucks, kids' activities, drinks, vendors, parking)
Sat 7 PM Dancing Queens Sunshine Theater, 120 Central Ave SW Throw out your calendar! Buy a new calendar! Mark June 10th as the first and ONLY date in your calendar! Pride weekend, all the dancing queens are descending on the Sunshine Theater for the night of all nights. Juicee Früt presents Dancing Queens! Featuring performances by Red Light Cameras, ABBAquerque, Galaxy, Juicee Früt, Drag Performances from CoCo Caliente & Mr. Rusty Nutz, Forbidden Früt Market, & more! (tickets)
Sat 7 PM Death On The Beach: A Metalcore Beach Party Launchpad, 618 Central Ave SW Join us for a night filled with beach-going shenanigans and some of the best metalcore bands Albuquerque has to offer. Swimwear, flip flops, sunscreen and lais ENCOURAGED! Come out and rage with us, and let's make this a night to remember! Presale tickets are $10 and are available through any band. Just send them a message! Online tickets through Holdmyticket will be available soon. Inhuman Hands, EYE, Secure The Void, One Last Summer
Sat 9 PM Temple of Sound Presents Starry Night Juno, 1501 1st St. NW This event will feature our guest DJ Chris Losack! He's a longtime DJ who primarily spins house and techno but also has roots in industrial and dark music. He will be showing his dark side this time out! Join us for another spectacular event! Sparkly or night sky attire encouraged but not required! 21+ / No cover
Sat 9 PM Pride 2023 Effex, 420 Central Ave SW Spunjy Hicks Lounge: Malik Patio: DJ Chris de Jesus Side Effex: Xblyssid
Sat 10:30 PM Late Nite Comedy Jam The Guild Cinema, 3405 Central Ave NE Ristra Comedy and Chuck Parker Comedy present a stellar lineup of standup comedians! This month's headliner: Josh Fournier Featuring Chuck Parker & Sara Anne Myers and your host Alex Benton
** Sun 6/11 *\*
Sun 8 AM - 2 PM Hot Rods for Hunger Car Show and Poker Run 2801 Eubank Blvd NE Yes, our amazing car show fundraiser is happening again, thanks to Bell’s Brewery and the Mopar Most Wanted car club. This year, for early registration, we are having a Kickstart happy hour with Bells Brewery at O’Niell’s Heights location on Juan Tabo. Join us and register your car. All makes and models are welcome. Come out and see some of the coolest cars in Albuquerque. There will be raffles, food trucks, lots of awards for the cars, and a food drive for the Storehouse food pantry. Enter the Poker Run, the Car Show, or both today!
Sun 10 AM Rocketman Historic Lobo Theater, 3013 Central Ave NE THE HISTORIC LOBO THEATER along with Albuquerque Film & Music Experience is excited to bring Rocketman to the big screen! Showing Starts at 11:30 am Tickets are ONLY $10 for General Admission Come Early Brunch Starts at 10 am Full Buffet Available for only $21 The ticket price is for entry to the movie only. Pajama brunch and a movie. Exclusive Brunch Menu! Made to order pancakes, mimosas and more. 10% off if you come in your pajamas
Sun 10 AM - 2 PM STEAM DAY Rail Yards Market, 777 1st St. SW Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, and Math (STEAM) all put New Mexico on the Map as a unique place. Standing for over one hundred years, the historic Rail Yards of Albuquerque stand as an ode to a period of extreme innovation for the Rio Grande basin area. Albuquerque literally rose and became what it is around the Rail Yards, and railroad era that brought so much innovation. In these industrial cathedrals, we hum with innovation again.. Activating the space for community use, the Rail Yards Market is non-profit (certified 501c3), bringing together small businesses in agriculture, food, and artisan manufacturing on a local scale. Our STEAM stands for Sustainable, Traditional, Educational and Artistic Modalities. In this area we host interactive demonstrations. Mini-Makers Unite! Learn about what makes a laser light up, a 3D printer build, and so much more! Bring out your tech, geek, and inquisitive minds to the Rail Yards Market and visit makers from Quelab. Free for all! Everyone is welcome! EBT doubled with Double-Up-Food-Bucks, ADA Accessible, Senior and WIC programs welcome, Fresh & local produce, Breakfast & lunch prepared food options, 120+ local food, healing, and art businesses, Parking & restrooms, FREE :: LOCAL :: FAMILY FRIENDLY :: PET FRIENDLY
Sun 10:30 - 11:30 AM Mindful Movement - Yoga in the Park Academy Hills Park, 9709 Layton Ave NE Meet us on the southwest side of the park, just southwest of the playground, under the large trees. Looks for the Aumies sign! Bring your mat, block, strap and water!
Sun 2 - 4 PM Lumberyard Jazz Trio Sawmill Market, 1909 Bellamah Ave NW The Lumberyard Jazz Trio is back to bring exciting jazz melodies to Sawmill Market. They use an interchanging group of New Mexican instrumentalists who have traveled nationwide to perform, lead by saxophonist Sean Johnson
Sun 3 PM Pride Tea Dance on the Patio Effex, 420 Central Ave SW 3 - 6 PM: DJ Mike Demarco 6 - 9 PM: DJ Spunjy Hicks Featuring performances by Avery Martini, Jessica K. Daniels, Imani Martini
Sun 4 - 7 PM Music on the Patio: Squash Blossom Boys Canteen Brewhouse, 2381 Aztec Rd NE Based in Albuquerque, The Squash Blossom Boys have played southwestern stages for over ten years. With beginnings as a garage band, they have explored a variety of musical genres including rock, jazz, reggae and more to find the hard driving, high lonesome sound of Bluegrass music. The current central players include Dustin Orbesen (Dobro, Mandolin, Vocals), Kit Murray (Banjo, Vocals), Kyle Malone (Guitar), Peter Lisignoli (Bass)
Sun 5 - 8 PM Mack 'n Cheese Sunday Variety Show Juno, 1501 1st St. NW Variety show with Mack 'n Cheese (Indy Hip Hop), Cali Shaw (Americana), Basilaris Trio (Jazz), Sol de la Noche, Melissa Prada (spoken word) Monthly variety show with Mack 'n Cheese (Indy Hip Hop), Cali Shaw (Americana), Basilaris Trio (Jazz), Sol de la Noche, Melissa Prada (spoken word), vendors. Family-friendly (if your kids already know the F-word). Food available for purchase. On the patio, weather permitting, or in the Gallery
Sun 7 - 10 PM S.O.S - Salsa On Sunday Dance Social 505 Spirits, 105 Harvard Dr. SE Salsa On Sunday Dance Social *With guest DJ's *Latin Dance Performances *The Occasional LIVE Music Performance *And Always... Social Dancing! salsa timba bachata merengue *What is it about a Social* The essence of a Social is for the dance community to get together and dance. Socials offer a relaxed night of dancing. Socials continue to draw dance enthusiasts who get lost in their salsa “addiction” by dancing and enjoying the music. Socials offer something for every level of dancer at any age. Bands and DJs have more freedom to play sets which appeal to the dance-centric crowd. It's about the music. It's about the dance. If you want to have an alternative to the club, are underage, or simply want to get in some good dancing - check out a Social, you might be surprised at how much fun you have
Sun 7:30 PM Brit Floyd Revel ABQ, 4720 Alexander Blvd. NE Brit Floyd returns to the stage in 2023 to perform a brand-new production celebrating 50 years of the ground-breaking and iconic musical masterpiece The Dark Side of the Moon. The show will feature classic tracks from the album such as Time, Money, Us and Them and The Great Gig in the Sky. The 2 and a half hours plus set list will also include other highlights from Pink Floyd’s magnificent catalogue of albums, including tracks from The Wall, Wish You Were Here, Animals, The Division Bell, Medal and much more (tickets)

So, the news reported last week that Winnipeg, in the first quarter, is projected to be $27 million over budget for the year. Unfortunately, because of all that has happened in the last few years, the Financial Stabilization Reserve (aka the "rainy day" fund) is only $19.5 million, so this will completely deplete the fund and still be short $7.5 million.
My main concern is that council last week approved our strategic priorities and one of them included "reviewing the debt policy to gain access to capital". At a time when we have no reserves, are still $7.5 million short on operating, and interest rates are raising our city wants to go further into debt.
I presented to council's finance committee last week and had countless social media spats with our Chair of Finance, councillor Jeff Browaty, and he keeps blowing me off. His remarks to the news agencies were "It's common that the city forecasts a deficit through the first quarter of the fiscal calendar..." which is true. Last year we forecast a deficit in the first quarter, one that would bring our reserves to $3 million above minimum which prompted the City Controller to say "As we sit today … we're above the floor. Not much, but we're above the floor,". Then, in July, the second quarter forecasts were presented and it had our reserve going to $30.4 million, or about 40% of the mandated minimum. This prompted our Financial Chair to say "The floor is council-mandated. The option is there to go below (it). The options would be to raise property taxes. Cutting services is certainly an option..." What happened by the end of the year? It ended at $5.3 million, less that 10% of minimum.
The city had a plan with this years budget to reinvigorate it, reducing the projected cash for capital projects and it was boosted back to $19.5 mil, but as mentioned at the beginning of this crazy long post, that lasted as long as a fart in the wind.
So, despite knowing the options -- raising property taxes and cutting services -- and us being in a worst financial position than we were mid-year last year, our city soldiers on, taking on more debt to try to spend their way out of a deficit...
I am so numb to this stupidity. Sorry for the long winded rant, it's a bit cathartic for me to vent.
TL/DR: The city is really in financial trouble.

Three New Terrifying True Scary Tales
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Number One: The Pool
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Now, this happened a very long time ago. I am not going to mention when or where though and I am submitting it anonymously. I don’t want people going back and finding out more about it and then lashing out of me.
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I was 13 years old and my brother was 11. As I mentioned, this happened a long time ago and I think today, not a lot of parents would put a 13 year old in charge of an 11 year old. But this was not unusual at all back then. In fact, I was looking after my little brother all the time before either of us even hit 10 years old.
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After a while, of course, always keeping my eye on him began to get very annoying. It interfered with my hanging out with friends. It was quite a drag when I would try to talk to girls. It was just a pain in the ass, really.
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Anyway, one day during a really hot summer, our parents decided to drop us both off at the local swimming pool for the day. My dad had to work and my mom had errands and stuff to run plus work do to do for the church. It was so hot and there was no way we could afford air conditioning. We had one old fan in the house and a sprinkler in the yard that we could go play in. But the swimming pool was the much better option.
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Of course the pool was very crowded. Lots of families would drop their kids off there during the summertime. And of course, even though I knew it already, my mom stressed to me, “Keep an eye on your little brother at all times.”
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Some of my friends were at the pool too. I got to talking to them and they told me about this new girl who moved into town. She would be starting school that fall and supposedly she was really hot. So of course, I wanted to check her out. I knew the lifeguards would be watching my brother in the water, so he would be fine.
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I went with the guys and the girl was really cute. My buddies all dared me to approach her, which was admittedly a brave thing for a 13 year old boy to do. Of course, I couldn’t chicken out in front of them, so I did just that.
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She was a very sweet girl. We actually ended up talking for a little while. Her parents were at the pool though, and they called her back after too long. So I went back to the water to see how my little brother was doing.
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The only problem was that I couldn’t see him anywhere in the water. This was a small town in a rural area, so although I said the pool was crowded, it wasn’t like a water park is crowded though. I should have easily been able to pick him out of the water. He just wasn’t there.
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I went and searched around the area surrounding the pool and didn’t see him there either. My heart started beating faster and I began panicking. I went to the building where the showers and concession stand were. He wasn’t there either. You couldn’t leave that pool without going through that building, though. I asked the attendant if a 11 year old boy had left the pool on his own in the previous hour and he told me no.
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I then went to the lifeguards and my buddies. I thought maybe there was a chance that I had missed him. It’s easy to occasionally miss someone in a crowd. The lifeguards ordered everyone out of the pool. Fortunately, there were no drowned children in the pool. Unfortunately, my brother was nowhere to be found outside of the pool.
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The lifeguards had to call my mother at the church. I had never before lost track of my little brother like this before. I had no idea what to expect when she showed up. I was only thankful that the police were already at the pool or she probably would have whipped my ass right there in front of the entire pool.
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The trouble I got into at home isn’t something that I want to go into very much. My butt very much has PTSD from the experience. But that was minor compared to the fear I felt for my little brother. Hell, I didn’t even have time to feel guilty although that I knew that I was. I was only concerned for him and wondered what would happen.
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All day and night, I expected the police to bring him home. But that didn’t happen. I expected it the next day too. But it didn’t happen.
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The town organized a search to look for him. I kept expecting to hear from them that they had found him. But that didn’t happen either.
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After about a week of my brother not being found, I began fearing for the worst. I began thinking that he was dead. And I was terrified every waking moment of my life, expecting to absolutely hear the news that his dead body was found.
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Nearly two weeks after the disappearance, we got a phone call from the police. They had found my brother and thankfully, he was alive. But unfortunately, that’s not the whole story.
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Remember the attendant telling me that no boy had left on his own? Well that’s because the boy left with one of the lifeguards who was getting off duty. He had lured my brother out of the pool and into his car with promises of ice cream, something he and I rarely ever got. And my brother went to his house with him.
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For all of that time, he kept my little brother locked up in his basement. He didn’t do anything sexually to him, thank God. But there was a lot of mental and some physical torment when my brother wouldn’t do what he was told to you. But the scariest part for him was thinking he would never get out and be with his family again.
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Here is another weird part. The lifeguard wasn’t an adult. He did this while his parents were out of town for a few weeks. They came back early and caught him. And if you think I felt bad for my parents’ punishing me, what they did to him had to be legendary. The police thought he was either planning on killing or releasing my brother before his parents got home. But no one ever knew for sure.
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He had to live with it without much help for a long time. Mental health assistance had a very bad stigma back then. But we’re both still alive today and he forgave me a long time ago.
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Number Two: Taking the Garbage Out
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A few weeks ago I went outside at around 3am to move the garbage to the curb since pickup would be in the morning. I often do this in the middle of the night. I just tend to keep weird hours and as the weather warms up for the summer I find the warm nights preferable to the sweltering days.
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I’m not worried about bothering my neighbors since I don’t use noisy bins and all of the houses right next to me are currently empty. I actually find the quiet of the neighborhood at night quite relaxing.
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Unfortunately since I don’t use bins animals are able to get into the bags a bit easier and while this doesn’t happen often it had happened on this night. So I was outside picking up the strewn around garbage and putting it into another bag when the silence of the night was suddenly broken by multiple police sirens.
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At first they seemed distant and while they startled me it was not at all unheard of to hear sirens at night here. But usually it would be one in the distance. As I listened, still bagging the garbage, I could tell it was multiple sirens and they were getting closer. Then just as suddenly as it started it stopped again. There was just silence. By the time they stopped they sounded maybe four blocks away.
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For a moment the night was silent again and I began hauling the bags to the curb when the neighborhood dogs began barking all at once. It was like every dog in the neighborhood had gotten the cue to start barking. Many were even howling. It continued for maybe a minute and once again it just stopped as suddenly as it had started.
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I realized I hadn’t heard any barking or howling while the sirens were going and that’s normally how it would work. These dogs had started up separately from the sirens and just stopped all at once. It just wasn’t normal. I went back to the side of the house to grab more bags when the silence was broken a third time. 

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Just a single chime in the night. Like someone getting a phone notification. This sound wasn’t blocks away. This sound was here. RIGHT HERE. No more than feet away. As I said, the houses around me are empty.
​
I was done. The rest of the garbage would wait until morning. I didn’t see anyone close by but that just made it worse. There was someone close by that I couldn’t see. I immediately went into the house to leave the garbage for the morning.
​
I don’t know if these things were related. If the cops had been chasing someone who’s fleeing had caused the dogs to bark. Someone who received a message on their phone as they approached my house. Or if it was all just a coincidence. But I won’t be taking the garbage out at 3am anymore.
​
A Commuter’s Nightmare
William M.
06/30/2021
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Back in the 80s, I worked at the Irwin Memorial Blood Bank in San Francisco while living and commuting from Oakland, CA
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My job as Registrar, took me all over Northern California, during Blood Drives at hospitals, clinics, major corporations, etc., where we would sometimes witness firsthand, the dead, being placed on gurneys, running out of the Coroner's or Medical Examiner’s rear doors, and down the sidewalks, because they simply didn’t have enough room or staff inside the morgues to process them. Mortuaries were having problems too due to the massive overload where deceased loved ones were admitted but not processed or interred for months or even years at a time.
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I remember watching the News and reading newspaper accounts of E.R.s in hospitals, clinics, etc. so clogged with patients, that 1 in 10 would die waiting to just get in to see a Dr. It was a Public Health and Safety nightmare. It was a National disgrace. It was politically orchestrated mass murder. It was the B purge of the ‘80s and ‘90s.
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I remember, starting work early on one of many Blood Drives (the A.I.D.S. epidemic was just getting started) and having to catch the first B.A.R.T. (Bay Area Rapid Transit) train out of the station at about 4:00 am, where morning after morning I would witness hundreds of people sleeping on the benches, or the sidewalks, or on the streets outside, waiting for it to open.
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Hundreds of others would be seen walking around like zombies in the early morning freeze amid the concomitant yelling, screaming, moaning, begging, and pleading, all of it looking like a newsreel of the death camps at Auschwitz-Birkenau.
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Many times, I was woken at home in the middle of the night, to the sounds of people howling and cursing outside my window at some real or imagined threat, until either the police came, which usually took hours because they were spread so thin, or some tenant, or other, ran them off.
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I remember the time I woke up to the sound of a woman’s voice begging in the early morning cold for someone to help her. She kept repeating it over and over growing weaker and weaker until it was little more than a whisper.
By the time I’d gotten up, armed myself with the steel-reinforced baton I’d purchased at a Police Supply store, and ran the 5 floors down to the ground floor, I found her sitting in a taxi shivering from the 42-degree drizzle coming in off the Pacific. The cabbie told me it was alright; she was just cold and needed someplace to rest and warm up; He’d drop her off at one of the nearby shelters.
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At the time, I was living in a local Residence Hall on Lake Merrit in Oakland, California which was little more than a converted Hotel from the San Francisco/Oakland Gilded Age of the late 1920s. It had 5 floors and a penthouse with a capacity of about 200. I never saw it get much beyond about 30 residents. It sported a full kitchen, dining area, big screen tv viewing room, swimming pool, and a recreation room with pool, foosball, and darts.
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I lived with a friend, at the time, on the 5th floor just under the penthouse. There was an elevator, but like most refurbs, it didn’t work. That meant we'd have to climb 10 flights of stairs every day to reach our room. The best part was that we had the entire floor to ourselves. I guess nobody wanted to climb that many stairs. Because we were both runners, it was a little like running the 900 feet to the top of Angel Island, running across The Golden Gate Bridge and back, or running the 3.4 miles around Lake Merrit twice a day.
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Because there was no air-conditioning, all the windows were left open during the summer months, but along with whatever cool air the San Francisco/Oakland Bay would bring through the gaping nearly wall-length vault ceilinged windows, it was always accompanied by the teeming, screaming City of Oakland street din: cabbies, buses, cars, trucks, vans, motorcycles, scooters, police sirens, ambulance, fire department, pedestrians, hustlers, druggies, break-dancers, prostitutes the homeless, et al. Day or night, winter or summer, it was like living in a jet engine test lab, somewhere on the 9th level of hell.
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Of course, we could always close the windows against the noise 5 stories below. But if it was summer, with all the humidity coming off the bay, we’d roast like 2 suckling pigs in our own sweat even if we used a fan.
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One night after a particularly grueling day at work, I came home, climbed Mount Everest (or at least K-2) to my steaming little abattoir, tore off my sports jacket, shirt, and tie, and fell into a coma-like sleep only to awake some 4 hours later to the sound of someone slamming a door, over and over, seemingly as hard as they could. It was about 2:00 am and raining so hard the water was pouring through the open window and flooding the floor and carpet. The sound was coming somewhere down the hall from one of the other units.
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After about the 15th or 16th slam to my inner ear, I was up, as in a trance, running like a lunatic from unit to unit and window to window, covering the entire southside of the 5th floor; battening down the hatches, and getting drenched in the process. It was, how should I say: exhilaratingly infuriating. I was supposed to get up in 2 hours and commute to work in the upper peninsula.
Having unconsciously completed this Sisyphean task and realizing that there was zero chance of getting any sleep, I donned my foul weather gear, equipped my trusty baton (I used to tuck its 2 ½-foot length up my sleeve when running), and headed out the front door to Lake Merrit which was just outside the main entrance. From there, I trotted to the sidewalk circling the lake, and began to run.
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As I ran counterclockwise against a torrential rain with a gale-force wind broken only by the occasional intermittent rainbow-hued lightning flashes which blinded me to almost everything around me, I almost ran into someone up ahead who was walking in the same direction.
​
He was hunched over against the wind and rain and wearing a long heavy winter coat. Unusual for that time of year, I thought. Whenever I would run in public, I always made it a courtesy to let people know when I was approaching especially from behind. I’d blurt out a perfunctory:
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“Excuse me.” Followed by a conciliatory:
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“Sorry.”
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But apparently, the person ahead either didn’t hear me or didn’t care because, when I was about 6 feet from him, he suddenly turned around, exposing a darkened contorted face, jagged teeth, and a guttural growl that would have stopped a charging 600-pound Grizzly.
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The sheer force of the malevolence emitted from this inhuman thing almost made me stop, but because I was moving so fast, the inertia along with the gale force wind and lightning strikes propelled me past him (or it), and fingering my steel-reinforced baton, I, in turn, steeled my nerve and kept running. I looked back only once to reassure myself that he (or it) wasn’t following.
​
Running on the leeward side now, with the rain at my back, I ran past a group of men in a circle smoking or drinking or doing whatever noxious or illicit thing I imagined, when, feeling charged with my own adrenalin, or the anger and resentment at that woman’s searing pleas for help, or the spook I’d almost run into, or just the gross injustices thrust upon the world in that dank, dark and dangerous time, I almost stopped, baton in hand, intending to take on the whole group: I may go down, I told myself, but at least I would take one or two with me.
​
Just then, the lightning struck particularly close to where I and they stood and the sheer blinding flash and concussive boom shook all of us enough to break up their conspiratorial collaboration and my righteous crusade; just enough, that is, to shove me headlong around the next bend, to the long straight full out dash to the front doors, the 5 floors, 10 landings, and 50 risers to rain-sodden home.
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To get to work every day, I'd have to commute to the upper peninsula by using 3 buses, 1 train, and 1 cab and after a 10 or 12 or sometimes 14-hour day, I would have to take the same to get back. This meant that if I didn’t go out, make dinner, eat, or watch tv, I just might get about 4 hours sleep. Commuting took between 2 to 3 hours, one way.
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Once on the way home, almost every stop was crowded with commuters. I was told that it was because there were so many buses down for repair. The ones still running were so filled beyond capacity, that the shocks and springs were sitting on the chassis, and stop after stop proved nearly impossible to take on any more passengers. Still, and despite the few getting out at every stop, the driver would take on even more and just pack them in.
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I remember him yelling for people to get back behind the yellow line over and over. By then, he was long past any semblance of reason; his patience frayed to a single maniacal thought, his voice raspier and raspier, his manner, more and more brusk.
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I can still see when he finally lost it; jumping up, out of his seat, with a nickel-plated 38 Caliber Revolver pointing at one of the passengers; an elderly woman, screaming from the top of his lungs:
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“Get back behind the yellow line!”
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I can still hear the woman begging the driver:
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“Please...” while the passengers behind were practically trampling each other to get out of the line of fire.
I remember the sad, exhausted urgency in her voice; she really was trying to move back, but how could she, an old woman, do that with all those people blocking her way? Everyone knew this was an impossible task; everyone except the maddened driver. He just kept glaring, and bellowing with his gun out pointed right at her and the other passengers.
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"Back up and make room" he yelled.
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‘Or else what?’ I thought. ‘You're gonna kill an old woman?'
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Getting up out of my seat, pushing my way through the throng who were pushing against me to get away, I managed to get within about 6 feet from the front when, roaring through the din and my fear and anger, I ordered the bus driver to:
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“Put the gun down!” And again, with even more rage and authority:
“Put the gun down, now!”
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The bus driver shocked that it might be a cop, or worse, shakily, put his gun back in his concealed carry holster and hypnotically sat back down. He resumed driving without saying another word. I got out at the next stop, along with the elderly woman. She was so shaken, that she busted out crying. I held her still fuming despite the close call because I would now have to wait for another bus and after that, 2 more; the train and a cab to get home. I wasn’t going to make it until well after 8:00 pm. As soon as I got home, I reported the bus number and the driver to Muni.
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Many of the commuters I'd see day to day, or share a seat with were victims of the purge just trying to get out of the rain or the cold, or the wind, or the sun, even for just a little while. For them, it was easing the agony of living on the street, even just a little. For many of us regular commuters, during those dark times, it proved to be the same.
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On one of the final buses that would take me to the train and across the bay, I remember standing, with about 50 others, on Market Street waiting. Like ours, stop after stop was so packed with people, some were standing in the street because there was simply not enough room on the sidewalk. The ones in the street would stay where they were for fear of losing their place and missing their connection and having to wait another hour, or more, to catch another.
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Because the rapidly descending elevation of the southbound streets ending at Market Street from the upper peninsula were so steep and the transverse angle of the turn so sharp, some of the buses would skirt the edge of the curb, sometimes rolling up over it onto the sidewalk putting them dangerously close to the commuters waiting on the other side.
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If there were any people in the street, especially the old or the infirm, they would either have to get out of the way and lose their place in line or hope the bus driver stopped before completing the turn. Most of the drivers would. Once there was one who didn’t.
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I remember the television and newspaper account about an elderly woman waiting at one of the stops during the pm rush hour. When the bus made the oblique turn way too fast at 25 miles per hour she was either too close to the edge or standing in the street when she was hit by the side view mirror across the face and the left side of her head.
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She went down under the wheels and her body got hung up under the chassis. The bus driver too full of passengers to stop, or late for his break, or just too coked up to notice, kept on heading for the Embarcadero before he realized something was wrong. By then, the woman had been dragged over a quarter of a mile. No one knew for sure whether the concussion from the mirror or the relentless dragging was the cause of death. I guess it didn’t matter to her anymore, one way or the other. It mattered to a lot of those who witnessed the whole thing though; screaming and yelling, block after block, trying to get the bus driver to stop.
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To get across the Bay to San Francisco from Oakland or back, one alternative to the nightmare bus commute was the B.A.R.T (Bay Area Rapid Transit). It was quiet, clean, air-conditioned, and fast. Traveling under the Bay, it could span the 13 miles in minutes. Once I’d reach the train station, by bus, from the Oakland side, I’d descend one of the many street-level entries to the below-ground turnstiles which led to the train platform. Of course, there were always hundreds of derelicts, homeless, hustlers, etc., hanging out by the turnstiles waiting for their chance to slip through and get on any one of the many trains that serviced the Bay Area, but sometimes, especially after a scuffle with B.A.R.T. Security or the San Francisco/Oakland Police, they’d scatter to the winds (or the shadows as it were) until everything calmed down and then they'd be back at it again, day and night.
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Almost every week I'd hear about someone falling, or being pushed, or jumping down onto the third rail, which would either short-circuit the line and knock out the power or if it was particularly grisly, halt service entirely. Because service resumption could take hours, waiting passengers would have to go back up and out onto the street and catch another train, take a cab or a bus or just walk or, as was often the case for me, run.
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Once, I remember running to the next stop when I was ascending to the upper peninsula because the previous connection didn’t show up which meant it would have added another 45 minutes to my commute. The choice was obvious and inevitable: I could either
“wait to be late” or go for it. I chose the latter.
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You just can't imagine what it’s like to run at a 20-degree angle uphill for about 2 miles while wearing dress slacks, dress shoes, a white shirt and tie, and a sports jacket, in San Francisco, during the summer, with the humidity until you’ve tried it. It’s, how should I say: exhilaratingly infuriating.
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Running, I came upon a stand-alone, transmission shop, right in the middle of a residential area. The owners must have paid a pretty penny to get away with that one. There were police cars, the fire department, a metro ambulance, the San Francisco Chronicle, and a marked County Coroner’s Office vehicle scattered around the shop.
Some people along with some of the employees: their first names embroidered on their shirts, were standing on the sidewalk just outside the property watching. They’d been there for about an hour when I stopped to ask one of them (Bob) what happened.
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Wearily he said:
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“The girl who worked in the office answering the phone and typing up orders was shot to death by her boyfriend. The boyfriend got away but she was still down there being processed. God, she was only 24 years old. They’ll catch him, though. He hasn’t got a chance.”
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'Nope,' I thought.
'In this town, I don’t expect he would.'
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I was late again when I got home. Vaulting the 5 floors to reach our loft, I held my friend close, the entire night. She was ok with that. So was I.=

we just got home from couples therapy and i am ripping my hair out (only metaphorically, for the moment. actually did that a couple days ago and cried hard enough to pop a blood vessel in my eyeball!)
i have been waiting for today for TWO WEEKS. two weeks of HELL. i had a well thought out short list of things to ask about! i brought my notebook, my reflection journal, and the “help her heal” workbook! i was ready to WORK!
we get in there and all he wants to do is yell and seek validation from the therapist about how he can’t do shit for me as long as i am using an addictive substance to cope right now.
let me give background:
i started using a drug that i will not name. it is not weed or alcohol. i had tried it casually with friends a handful of times prior to DDay. on dday, my partner rubbed it in my face, sarcastically telling me to “go to my plug” about it eyeroll
i’ve used it almost daily since, we are entering week 6. i have begged him for an ounce of the love and support i showed him about HIS addiction that he hid for NINE YEARS.
THIS HAS BEEN A MONTH(s, he’s convinced i’ve been doing this for 6 months regularly)
i can not cope with life. i reached for the closest thing available to numb the pain. but apparently, this substance is his equivalent to how i feel about him using P. it’s in no way equal, and i am crushed.
i spent the last week crying and screaming while he berated me for it. i just want to feel like he cares even a little.
he said he will not be there for me in any way until i stop. he can not see past the drug. he won’t. he doesn’t care why i started or why i continue.
I DONT HAVE ANYONE OR ANYTHING AND I AM AFRAID RIGHT NOW. I AM HAVING SCARY THOUGHTS.
i’m all alone and i’m stuck and he keeps making it worse somehow.
we wasted the hour, but at least the therapist seemed very sympathetic to me while also getting the message across that we need to work together.
i’m still hurt, maybe worse than i was going in. why do i need to beg this hard for him to do the bare minimum?
edit to add: when we got home (we drove separately, went right after he left work) he was nice? now he’s watching his first bloom for partners live group session for free. i pulled it up, but he wanted to watch. he’s fully immersed. i have no clue what to think about anything in my life right now. one day at a time right?
second edit because my brain is a mess for both obvious reasons here: I DO WANT TO QUIT! i am quitting. i’ve never struggled with addiction to anything other than nicotine. i even used prescriptions and other stupid “party” substances in high school, regularly, for longer periods than this, and didn’t have any kind of addiction/“craving” or withdrawal symptoms. right now with what i am using, i am aware that i very well may be experiencing onset of dependency - and maybe i am justifying it by thinking that i am choosing to use it to cope, because it works! BUT I WANT TO STOP. i just want someone to be there as i walk the tightrope that is 1) the immediate aftermath of the worst DDay i’ve ever had, 2) a sick elderly parent i care for and who lives with me, 3) raising my 10 yr old when i am not yet 30, 4) returning to full time employment, 5) the possible upcoming hysterectomy caused by 6) chronic fatigue caused by 7) acute anemia from extreme period blood loss. i was planning on taking short term medical leave the whole week before DDay. my leave started the following workday post-DDay. i have to return soon despite all of this, AND cope with everything else?! i don’t WANT to do drugs! who the hell WANTS to do drugs to simple be able to exist through the day and make it to tomorrow?! but the only adult person i have, since i have no safe friends or family, is choosing to abandon me in the dust after i did the opposite when he came to me for help with his PA. i hate this

Spoilers for Naruto and Naruto Shippuden

Conditions

1. Healthy pre-reaper death seal Orochimaru (not war arc)
2. Shippuden Jiraiya
3. Both start in base
4. Edo tensei restricted (otherwise it would turn into a stomp since Jiraiya doesn't have a lot of sealing jutsus)
5. Location: The grassy area where the three way deadlock battle happen in the search for Tsunade arc
6. Starting distance 20m
7. Victory by killing or subduing the opponent

The other day I decided to simulate a battle between the two so I thought I would post it here to hear opinions and have a discussion, but before that I will do an analysis of their abilities so that we're all on the same page. First we will start with:

Jiraiya

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Taijutsu:
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Jiraiya isn't a taijutsu heavy fighter but he is not too shabby in the field. Strength wise he is easily able to lift and toss around boulders in base scoring a 4.5 in strength in the third databook. In terms of speed, he was able to keep up with an armless Orochimaru while being at 30% of his power scoring a 4.5 in speed in the third databook. Additionally he scores a 4.5 in stamina in the third databook. Finally Jiraiya is durable enough to tank a kick from guy. With all this Jiraiya scored a taijutsu point of 4.5 in the third databook.
Ninjutsu:
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Jiraiya has a plethora of different ninjutsu, let's take a look at them

1. Fire style: Flame Bomb Jutsu

A C-rank ninjutsu where Jiraiya shoots a ball of fire which then causes a mini explosions. Not too powerful as Konan tanked its with no issue.
2.Fire style: Dragon Flame Jutsu
A C-rank ninjutsu where Jiraiya shoots out several bullets of fire
3.Fire style: Toad Flame Bomb
A B-rank ninjutsu which is a combine attack between Jiraiya and Gamabunta where Jiraiya shoots fire while Gamabunta shoots oil that enhances the flames. Attack was strong enough to incinerate Manda's shed skin
4.Earth release: Swamp of the Underworld
An A-rank ninjutsu where Jiraiya summons a swamp of sticky mud to trap opponents. Note that the swamp can be formed on any surfaces including ceilings. The swamp in strong enough to trap one of Orochimaru's big snake summons and also trap the human path on the ceiling.
5.Rasengan
An A-rank ninjutsu, I think we're all familiar with this rotating ball of chakra so I won't be talking about it.
6.Rasengan Barrage
An A-rank ninjutsu, its just 2 rasengans on in each hand
7.Odama Rasengan
An A-rank ninjutsu, a bigger rasengan
8.Needle Jizo
A B-rank ninjutsu where Jiraiya hardens and wraps his hair around himself to become a porcupine
9.Needle Hell
Can't find the rank of this jutsu. Jiraiya hardens and shoots his hair in a barrage of hardened hair, this attack is strong enough to destroy boulders
10.Wild Lion's Main Jutsu
A B-rank ninjutsu where Jiraiya strengthens extends his hair, the technique is strong enough to rip Nagato's crab into pieces
11.Barrier: Canopy Method Formation
A B-rank ninjutsu where Jiraiya creates a spherical zone around him where he can sense anything within. The zone moves with Jiraiya.
12.Hiding in a Toad Jutsu
A C-rank ninjutsu where Jiraiya hides in a small toad
13.Toad Flatness - Shadow Manipulation Jutsu
A B-rank ninjutsu where Jiraiya flattens himself and hides in a targets shadow. While doing this he can also control the targets actions, and after the jutsu is dispelled the target has no memory of being controlled. However Jiraiya has to hold his breathe for the duration of the jutsu
14.Toad Oil Bomb
A C-rank ninjutsu where Jiraiya shoots sticky oil, was able to prevent Konan from dispersing into paper
15.Shadow Clone Jutsu
A B-rank ninjutsu, I think we're all familiar with this jutsu
With all these Jiraiya scores a 5 in ninjutsu and 4.5 in hand signs in the third databook
Genjutsu:
Jiraiya doesn't use any genjutsu by himself in the series but he scores a 3 in the field according to the third data book. However he does have access to one of the most broken genjutsu that we'll get into later.
Summonings:
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Jiraiya has various toad summonings, we'll take a look at them
1.Summoning: Food Cart Destroyer Jutsu
A B-rank summoning jutsu where Jiraiya summons a massive toad above the target which falls on them and crushes them. This jutsu is powerful enough to oneshot one of Orochimaru's big snake summon.
2.Summoning: Toad Mouth Bind
An A-rank summoning jutsu where Jiraiya summons the oesophagus of the great fire breathing toad to trap opponents. Jiraiya can manipulate the flesh of the toad to attack opponents.
3.Summoning: Crushing Toad Stomach
Can't find the rank of this jutsu. Jiraiya reverse summons both himself and anything nearby into a toads stomach where they are crushed. Though this sounds like a suicide attack, Jiraiya can get a shadow clone to perform it.
4.Summoning: Toad Shop Jutsu
A B-rank summoning jutsu where Jiraiya summons a small toad which has the ability to transform into a shop.
5.Barrier: Toad Gourd Prison
A B-rank summoning jutsu where Jiraiya summons a gourd toad which he can enter its stomach. It can also drag opponents into its stomach. Inside its stomach is like a rooms sized chamber filled with gastric acid.
6.Summoning Jutsu
A C-rank summoning jutsu where Jiraiya can summon various animals. Most notably toads, lets look at a some of the more notable toads.
a) Gamabunta
The chief toad of Mount Myoboku is a massive toad that wields a giant samurai sword. Gamabunta is extremely agile being able to jump great distances in a short duration. He is heavy enough that when summoned in the air, was able to knock Kurama, the nine tails, to the ground. He is also skilled in ninjutsu able to fire toad oil in his combo jutsu with jiraiya, Toad flame bomb. He can also shoot out powerful water bullets capable of clashing with the air bullets shot by a weakened Shukaku, the one tail, and durable enough to tank a hit from said air bullets. He was also intelligent enough to come up with a strategy to cancel Shukaku's awakening by waking Gaara up.
b) Gamaken
A giant toad who wields a giant sasumata and a giant shield attached to giant bandages which allows him to both use the shield defensively, and offensively as a flail as well as a rope to grab onto poles and swing around. Gamaken was durable enough to tank several bites from Nagato's dogs and did very well against the canines. He also defeated Nagato's rhino with his sasumata. Finally he was also able to create at least one shadow clone which acted as a decoy and was reversed summoned into the crushing toad stomach.
c) Gamahiro
A giant toad who wields two large swords and is proficient in close quarters combat.

1. Shima and Fukasaku (Ma and Pa)

The two great sage toads, to summon them, Jiraiya has to keep his hands together for several minutes. They are easily Jiraiya's most powerful summons and are his trump cards. Shima and Fukasaku are both physically very strong thanks to infusing nature energy with their own chakra. They can also merge with Jiraiya allowing him to enter an imperfect form of sage mode which we will get into later. Shima is capable of extending her tongue to great lengths to attack and restrain an opponent. Her tongue can move at an immensely fast speed, to the point where even pain was surprised by how fast it was. Additionally she can detect opponents with her tongue in a matter of seconds. Finally it can also release a corrosive mucus from the pores. Fukasaku is capable of firing powerful jets of water which sliced Nagato's chameleon in half. Together with Jiraiya, they can use a combine attack: Fire Style: Goemon, which we will get into later. Finally, the two of them can use one of the most broken genjutsu in the series: Demonic Illusion: Toad Confrontation Chant, where they sing a complex frog song which puts opponents in a powerful genjutsu where they are stunned and feel like they are drowning. This genjutsu was powerful enough to defeat 3 paths of pain despite the numerous powerful genjutsu barriers Nagato placed in each path. The only drawback being that the jutsu takes some charge up time to cast.
Senjutsu:
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Jiraiya can enter an imperfect form of toad sage mode by merging with Shima and Fusakasu. In this form, not only is Jiraiya's physical stats vastly improved but also his ninjutsu.
Taijutsu: Jiraiya gains a massive strength boost in sage mode, capable of shattering the ground just by jumping down. He was able to send human path flying and destroying the boulder the path flew into with just one kick. Do note that the human path also casually blocked a punch from sage mode Jiraiya with just one hand so he is still nowhere near as strong as a perfect sage like naruto in terms of physical strength. Jiraiya also gain access to frog kata where he can hit opponents with his aura. To top it all off, Jiraiya also gains the sensing abilities of sage mode.
Ninjutsu: Jiraiya gains various new ninjutsus as well as enhancements to previously mentioned ninjutsus in sage mode, lets take a look at them:
1.Fire Style: Giant Flame Bombs Jutsu
A B-rank ninjutsu which is the enhanced version of the previously mentioned Fire style: Flame Bomb Jutsu. It now adds oil along with the fire to create a bigger flame bomb.
1.Sage Art: Goemon
Can't find the rank to this jutsu. This is the combination attack with ma and pa mentioned prior where Shima shoots fire, Jiraiya shoots oil and Fukasaku shoots wind. This awesome attack unfortunately has no AP feats since it was absorbed by the preta path but I would imagine it has similar AP to Mei's lava release.

1. Cho Odoma Rasengan

Can't find the rank to this jutsu but its an even bigger rasengan.

1. Ninja Art: Needle Senbon

Again can't find the rank of this jutsu but it is just the enhanced version of needle hell. It's basically the same thing just faster and stronger, it is also apparently the fastest attack in Jiraiya's arsenal.
Fuinjutsu:
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Jiraiya doesn't have many sealing jutsus so we'll just quickly look over the few he has.

1. Sealing Jutsu: Fire Seal

A B-rank sealing jutsu where Jiraiya uses a scroll to seal fire. The seal is even capable of sealing Itachi's Amaterasu.
Other Notable Facts:
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Despite his goofiness, Jiraiya is actually very intelligent being able to analyse the quirky abilities of the 3 paths of pain he fought and come up with a counter strategy. He also has an excellent memory being able to craft a coded message using the page numbers of his book Make Out Tactics, with the first word on each page serving as his message in a couple of seconds while he was dying. This scored him a 4.5 in intelligence according to the third databook. Additionally, Jiraiya is one of the most experienced shinobi, like ever. He completed the most number of missions in the entire hidden leaf village, totaling out at 1,839 official missions, 138 of them being S-rank missions.
That sums up the abilities of Jiraiya the Gallant. (That was way longer than I expected) Now onto:

Orochimaru

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Taijutsu:
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Orochimaru is extremely strong wielding enough strength to punch entire trees down, this scores him a 3.5 in strength according to the third databook. Orochimaru is also extremely fast being able to blitz four tails naruto in his snake tail form while sick, he was also the teacher of hebi sasuke who has been complimented numerous times by the likes of deidara for his speed, as his mentor, Orochimaru should scale above Hebi Sasuke. This scores him a speed of 4.5 in the third databook. He also scores 3.5 for stamina in said book. The most notable component of Orochimaru, is tenaciousness and durability. Apart from his absurd regen that we will get into later, Orochimaru is very resistant to blunt force trauma, capable of tanking numerous punches from Tsunade , with her final punch being specially infused with extra chakra. Note that Tsunade's punches casually broke Madara's susanoo in its ribcage from. All these scores him a 3.5 in taijutsu according to the third databook.
Kenjutsu:
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Orochimaru masterfully wields the legendary Sword of Kusanagi (as seen in the image above lol), which Orochimaru keeps in the mouth of a snake, which is then is kept in his mouth......snek. Enma commented that even in his Diamond-hard Staff form, the Kusanagi blade still hurts. It should be noted that it couldn't pierce V2 jinchuuriki cloak. Orochimaru can extend and retract the Kusanagi blade at will, and by extend, I mean extend. Orochimaru doesn't have to fully pull out the sword from the snake in his mouth to attack, he can partially pull out the blade from the snake in his mouth and just swing his head around. Finally the Kusanagi has one last hidden trick that we will get into later.
Ninjutsu:
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Orochimaru has a lot of unique and weird ninjutsu's, let's go through them

1. Fire Style: Great Fireball Jutsu

A C-rank ninjutsu where Orochimaru fires a fireball out his mouth
2.Wind Release: Breakthrough
Can't find the rank to this jutsu. Orochimaru fires a powerful gust of wind out his mouth
3.Wind Release: Great Breakthrough
A C-rank ninjutsu where Orochimaru fires a hurricane level gust of wind capable of easily uplifting multiple trees out his mouth.
4.Wind Release: Gale Palm
A C-rank ninjutsu where Orochimaru fires a strong gale of wind out his hands.
5.Earth Release: Hiding Like a Mole
A C-rank ninjutsu where Orochimaru turns the earth around him into fine sand, allowing him to burrow into the ground. While underground he can sense the magnetic forces, effectively allowing him to sense what is happening on the surface.
6.Earth Release: Shadow Clone
Can't find the rank to this jutsu. Its a shadow clone made of mud.

1. Hiding in Surfaces Jutsu

Can't find the rank to this jutsu. With this jutsu Orochimaru can phase through his surroundings, allowing travel undetected.

1. Sound Wave Jutsu

Can't find the rank to this jutsu. Orochimaru releases a burst of deadly sound, it was powerful enough to instantly kill 2 anbus.
9.Temporary Paralysis Jutsu
A D-rank ninjutsu where Orochimaru temporarily paralyses his target
10.Sword of Kusanagi: Longsword of the Sky
A B-rank ninjutsu where Orochimaru can control the Kusanagi blade telekinetically.

1. Soft Physique Modification

Can't find the rank to this jutsu. It allows Orochimaru to stretch and bend his body however and whenever he please, extending it to great lengths and retracting it again. He most commonly uses this with his neck and his tongue, with the latter being strong enough to give Tsunade trouble in pulling it away from her neck, and with the former, when I say extend, I mean extend.

1. Living Corpse Reincarnation

A S-rank ninjutsu where Orochimaru transport both him and his target into the dimension inside Orochimaru. In this world which comprise of and endless plane of flesh which Orochimaru can manipulate, Orochimaru can transfer his soul into his target stealing their bodies.
13.Four Black Snakes Formation
Can't find the rank to this jutsu. Orochimaru and his clones stand in a square formation, erecting a large barrier between them. On command it incinerates its contents.
14.Oral Rebirth
Can't find the rank to this jutsu. Orochimaru regurgitates himself fully restoring himself from any injuries. Note that this jutsu takes up a lot of chakra, like hebi Sasuke used it once and he ran out of chakra. However Orochimaru managed to use it 4 times while sick (like literally days away from coughing blood on his death bed). Healthy Orochimaru should be able to spam this way more.

1. Binding Snake Glare Spell

A C-rank ninjutsu where Orochimaru summons a snake out his sleeve which coils around his target.

1. Hidden Shadow Snake Hands

A C-rank ninjutsu where Orochimaru summons several snakes from under his sleeve to strike opponents.
17.Multiple Striking Shadow Snakes
A B-rank ninjutsu where Orochimaru summons EVEN MORE snakes from under his sleeve to strike opponents. This jutsu seems to strike incredibly fast as it was capable of catching Yamato mid jump and even Hanzo the Salamander.
18.Gathering of the Snakes
Can't find the rank to this jutsu. Orochimaru is able to reconnect his body with snakes if he is severed into pieces.
19.Slithering Snake Mode
Can't find the rank to this jutsu. Orochimaru turn his legs into a snake's tail allowing him to move at unbelievable speeds.
20.Twin Snakes Mutual Death Jutsu
An A-rank ninjutsu which we never got to see what it does but it is suppose to cause the death of both the caster and the target.
21.Formation of Ten Thousand Snakes
A B-rank ninjutsu where thousands of snakes crawl out of Orochimaru's mouth to attack opponents. The snakes can also extend blade out of their mouths to attack opponents.

1. Eight Branches Jutsu

A S-rank ninjutsu where Orochimaru transforms into a massive 8 headed and 8 tailed serpent with immense strength. This is said to be Orochimaru's strongest snake related jutsu. When using this technique, Orochimaru can emerge from the mouth of one of the heads and use his Sword of Kusanagi to attack. Finally the serpent is said to possess a powerful healing factor.
Additionally Orochimaru scores a 5 in hand seals according to the third databook. With all these Orochimaru scored a 5 in Ninjutsu according to said book.
Genjutsu:
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Orochimaru doesn't use any genjutsu in the series apart from his killing intent which isn't really a genjutsu. His killing intent paralyses his targets in fear making them visualise their own death. Despite this Orochimaru scores a 5 in genjutsu according to the third databook.
Summonings:
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Orochimaru has various summonings, we'll take a look at them.

1. Summoning: Rashomon

A B-rank summoning jutsu where Orochimaru summons a demonic gate from the ground to block an incoming attack. The gate was able to block Kiba's twin fang attack but dented.
2.Summoning: Triple Rashomon
An A-rank summoning jutsu where Orochimaru summons three demonic gates from the ground to block an incoming attack. The gate was able to heavily reduce the damage of a four tails naruto's bijuu dama to the point where it Orochimaru wasn't disintegrated by the bomb but instead knocked to the ground.

1. Summoning: Edo Tensei

RESTRICTED
Snake summons: Orochimaru has many different giant snake summons, one even having three heads, but the most notable being Manda which is said to be the strongest colossal serpent. Manda is extremely large and powerful, he was also skilled in combat taking on both Gamabunta and one-tenth of Katsuyu simultaneously almost killing them both. He was agile enough to dodge Katsuyu's acid spit and durable enough to remain intact even after tanking Deidara's suicide jutsu, though he did die as a result. Manda also has superb regeneration claiming that he will only take a weak to heal a hole caused by Gamabunta's sword. He could shed his skin to evade attack and quickly burrow and move underground with his wicked gong mouth technique. He is intelligent enough to deceive Gamabunta by distracting him with his tail to leave him open for a bite.
Senjutsu:
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Orochimaru utilises senjutsu in combat through the form of curse marks. He can give a curse opponents curse marks by biting them, usually on the neck. He can give various curse marks but the most suitable one for combat is the one he gave Guru Guru which paralysed him for a couple seconds. This is impressive as Guru Guru was holding off the entire Kurama enhanced shinobi alliance along with the five kage and edo Hiruzen.
Other Notable facts:
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Orochimaru still has some abilities which don't really fit into any category. For one he can absorb someone's chakra by simply touching them. Orochimaru can also enter his true form which is a massive white snake made of smaller white snake and attacks with said smaller white snakes by extending the smaller white snakes to strike foes. Snake. The most notable feature of this form is that it's blood will evaporate into the air creating an undetectable numbing neurotoxin that paralyses anyone who breathes it. Even Sasuke who possessed the sharingan and a pseudo sage mode with his curse mark was unable to detect until he was already paralysed by the toxins. To add on, Orochimaru is also vastly intelligent being an excellent scientist and has a vast array of knowledge. With this he scored a 5 in intelligence according to the third databook. Much like Jiraiya, Orochimaru is also highly experienced in combat having completed the second highest amount of missions in the hidden lead with the total count of 1,468 missions with 108 being S-rank missions. Finally, Orochimaru might be able to test opponents through the air like a snake or use his snake taste them for him since Sasuke warned Itachi about that when they fought Kabuto claiming that he had to research that before taking on Orochimaru.
And that sums up the abilities of Orochimaru the Snake Sannin.

Simulation

That was longer than I expected but now we can finally move on to the simulated battle. In case you forgot, these are the conditions:

1. Healthy pre-reaper death seal Orochimaru (not war arc)
2. Shippuden Jiraiya
3. Both start in base
4. Edo tensei restricted (otherwise it would turn into a stomp since Jiraiya doesn't have a lot of sealing jutsus)
5. Location: The grassy area where the three way deadlock battle happen in the search for Tsunade arc
6. Starting distance 20m
7. Victory by killing or subduing the opponent

Note that in the battle whenever anyone uses a named jutsu I will have a "(insert jutsu name)!" to make it clear on what their doing. Since I am running out of character limit, I'll write the battle in the comments:
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edit: The simulation is posted in 3 parts since I ran out of character space. Note that it ends with a

KO!