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2023.06.01 10:36 lazymentors My Breakdown of Everything that changed in marketing May 2023!
I tracked all these updates for my newsletter subscribers, you can subscribe here to receive these updates next time. enjoy your read!
And this push is also delivering results for Top Advertisers in the space. This fund was launched alongside a new Tiktok Ad format, PulsePremiere. These Ads currently in beta are shown after a trending piece of content.
For Music Marketers & Artists, Tiktok launched #newmusic to support upcoming artists.
And after that boom, we got smashed with the TikTok US state ban in Montana. There is a huge controversy around it but this news isn’t affecting marketing spend.
Executional Angles 🎬
Tiktok’s Ad platform and creator marketplace are getting better. The updates aren’t public. I have tracked a few cheeky practices from the Tiktok product team to gather more user data and better their Ad platform. Expect better location-based targeting in the upcoming few months.
For organic, With the new creator fund. Many long-form content creators are seeing an engagement hike for their content. You can experiment with long-form content as a business to connect longer with the audience.
And a nice sign is TikTok is now pushing more content from “people you follow” to the For You page. As mentioned in my Tiktok marketing post, this is something new and encouraging for brands.
Upcoming: Tiktok is testing an AI Chatbot similar to snapchat. This launch will help them keep users more engaged.
A great callout here is “Gen-Z is on Pinterest”. Every single platform mentions that they have Gen-Z users on their apps to attract advertisers. But data from different research shows that Pinterest has a growing Gen-Z user base, especially for diverse and Female audiences.
Bring back to the latest content ranking system and algorithm changes to Pinterest. Earlier this week, I shared this blog post from the Pinterest engineering team about the latest updates to the platform.
Executional Breakdown of Algorithm
First of all, how the Pinterest algorithm ranks content is very simple and it's all based on user interactivity.
All different engaging elements like comments, save, share, and like give the content system a signal to rank your content for relevant topics. As revealed by their engineering team in this post and by the previous product manager at Pinterest on Lenny’s podcast.
The new changes to Pinterest are very simple:
Diversifying your content, Pinterest is making changes to the content system to make sure the content it ranks on the app isn’t too sensitive toward a demographic. That is why they want Pinterest businesses and creators to diversify their Pinterest boards and content strategy.
This affects niches like Beauty, Fashion, and other lifestyle-related brands. Don’t try to sell the idea of clear skin or a perfect body shape. Pinterest is looking to provide a better and healthy space for young audiences.
The second change is “keyword search”. In the blog post, there are mentions that the algorithm will try to show more of the content that includes identical keywords & sentence structure to “user search queries”. To promote more relevancy and better content to users.
These are the main changes, I will share more on Pinterest in my upcoming blogs to help you overall with Pinterest marketing.
Platform Changes: Pinterest users can now add links to every single Posting format. And added a new platform analytics feature for better insights.
Besides advertising, Twitter continues to launch new services and features for Blue subscribers. And decreasing creator monetization requirements, increasing the video upload limit to 2 hours. The other focus is on attracting more advertisers to the platform.
A lot going on forTwitter. But the biggest issue is that Bot spam is at its peak, removing bots was one of the biggest promises made by ElonMusk. Still not delivered.
I have my fingers crossed for June.
Execution Considerations:
Twitter is getting better at recommending relevant tweets under the original tweets you read. And as you know it is mentioned on Github that the Twitter connection network plays a huge role in getting content discovered.
I recommend refining your network and networking with the right audiences. Kinda old advice but the platform is testing new prompts related to this. That is why you should click on it.
Shorty Awards took place in May and here is the full list of winners. Have a look and get inspired for next year.
VCCP, a London-based creative agency, is launching an AI-creative agency. The usage of generative AI is increasing very fast and adaptation is the key now. Link!
This month was filled with brand and marketing events. I found a curated list of brand marketing events that took place in May. Link!
The New Bud Light is “The North Face”. The new campaign featuring a drag queen is catching negative attention like Budlight. Link!
Jaskaran: I started tracking agency news for the newsletter last week, for future monthly recaps you will find more and better recaps.
Besides that Instagram made a huge spark as the information about a new Twitter viral came up. Meta is expected to launch a new decentralized Twitter-like app for their users in June. Many are excited about it. It could be a great opportunity for businesses as many find IG very hard to scale.
Decentralized means your followers can follow you on the new app with one click. This app can help you reach more existing followers on IG & FB.
Other than these two, there was a list of updates including a new creator fund announcement. But not much impacting your organic growth.
Google and Walmart both took steps to make media buying and Ad creative creation easier. You can read here about Google’s new approach to media buying and how Walmart here is trying to help businesses with Ad creatives.
Microsoft is moving fast with Bing Chat Advertising, You can now use Chat Ads API to integrate ads within Bing AI. Link!
There were a few other marketing product updates for Microsoft in terms of improving targeting and utilizing AI. One of my favorites is the recent UET update to their analytics dashboard.
For more information, I recommend revisiting our last emails & read this recent Google marketing live recap.
At the same time, Meta is having huge issues in the EU & UK with their data usage. The platform Received a $1.2B fine and now UK representatives are limiting data usage for Meta. Good for privacy but points to a huge problem for paid media marketers.
Meaning Meta’s future is bright due to AI research & frameworks but data issues are like close friends showing up every single day.
Other than this, Meta is launching AI tools to help marketers create better Ad creatives. Link!
In April, Meta increased its involvement in AI to push organic content and in May was focused on utilizing AI for paid media offerings.
Facebook: New Lead generation forms features and a few updates to Facebook reels were key product updates.
WhatsApp: New Updates to WhatsApp Chat features with the addition of Chat Lock, sharing with captions & new polls feature.
Many SEOs are predicting a 70-80% traffic drop in the upcoming months. But many experienced SEOs believe changes are good and the traffic for the future will be more quality-oriented.
These insights linked below are from the best SEOs and their opinions on recent search engine marketing changes.
Where Youtube is headed with Unskippable Ads is the future of online movie & content streaming. Either platforms like Netflix, Hulu, and other services have to give up a share of revenue. Or they need to go back to unskippable Connected TV Ads format to pay the writers.
Coming back to Youtube, Every week on their “creator insider” channel they announce various new updates. The highlight was the recent update of community post creation for all users.
Partnering with Influencers and using community posts to target core audiences is one of the best strategies based on this new update.
LinkedIn is embracing AI in May with new AI features to help with messaging, job descriptions, and other hiring processes.
All that growth doesn’t mean everything is great. As the platform laid off 700 employees this month.
Overall, LinkedIn is doing good and viewers are loving their new marketing campaign. Watch!
While many believe that the nature of Reddit doesn’t fit e-commerce offerings. Many product reviews and conversations take place on Reddit and users get the ability to integrate products from other businesses within the content. It could work very well.
Using these features to self-promote is impossible but with the right execution. It can do a charm.
Others: Reddit is going through a bot followers scam.
PS: You can subscribe here to receive these updates every month with my insights.
submitted by lazymentors to u/lazymentors [link] [comments]
Tiktok: Changes Affecting Creators & Advertisers
Tiktok made major changes to its platform. With the launch of their new creator fund “creativity program beta”. They have encouraged the top 4% of creators to push more long-form content.And this push is also delivering results for Top Advertisers in the space. This fund was launched alongside a new Tiktok Ad format, PulsePremiere. These Ads currently in beta are shown after a trending piece of content.
For Music Marketers & Artists, Tiktok launched #newmusic to support upcoming artists.
And after that boom, we got smashed with the TikTok US state ban in Montana. There is a huge controversy around it but this news isn’t affecting marketing spend.
Executional Angles 🎬
Tiktok’s Ad platform and creator marketplace are getting better. The updates aren’t public. I have tracked a few cheeky practices from the Tiktok product team to gather more user data and better their Ad platform. Expect better location-based targeting in the upcoming few months.
For organic, With the new creator fund. Many long-form content creators are seeing an engagement hike for their content. You can experiment with long-form content as a business to connect longer with the audience.
And a nice sign is TikTok is now pushing more content from “people you follow” to the For You page. As mentioned in my Tiktok marketing post, this is something new and encouraging for brands.
Upcoming: Tiktok is testing an AI Chatbot similar to snapchat. This launch will help them keep users more engaged.
Pinterest: Affecting Organic Content
In April, Pinterest got into huge issues with user safety on the platform because many users were targeting young audiences. After that Pinterest made a few changes and at the beginning of May, launched their transparency report showcasing how they are filtering harmful content.A great callout here is “Gen-Z is on Pinterest”. Every single platform mentions that they have Gen-Z users on their apps to attract advertisers. But data from different research shows that Pinterest has a growing Gen-Z user base, especially for diverse and Female audiences.
Bring back to the latest content ranking system and algorithm changes to Pinterest. Earlier this week, I shared this blog post from the Pinterest engineering team about the latest updates to the platform.
Executional Breakdown of Algorithm
First of all, how the Pinterest algorithm ranks content is very simple and it's all based on user interactivity.
All different engaging elements like comments, save, share, and like give the content system a signal to rank your content for relevant topics. As revealed by their engineering team in this post and by the previous product manager at Pinterest on Lenny’s podcast.
The new changes to Pinterest are very simple:
Diversifying your content, Pinterest is making changes to the content system to make sure the content it ranks on the app isn’t too sensitive toward a demographic. That is why they want Pinterest businesses and creators to diversify their Pinterest boards and content strategy.
This affects niches like Beauty, Fashion, and other lifestyle-related brands. Don’t try to sell the idea of clear skin or a perfect body shape. Pinterest is looking to provide a better and healthy space for young audiences.
The second change is “keyword search”. In the blog post, there are mentions that the algorithm will try to show more of the content that includes identical keywords & sentence structure to “user search queries”. To promote more relevancy and better content to users.
These are the main changes, I will share more on Pinterest in my upcoming blogs to help you overall with Pinterest marketing.
Platform Changes: Pinterest users can now add links to every single Posting format. And added a new platform analytics feature for better insights.
Twitter: Regaining Advertiser Trust & Bots
With the new Twitter CEO coming in, One of the Top Advertisers mentioned their comeback to advertise on the Bird app. But mid-micro advertisers are still not loving the Ad platform.Besides advertising, Twitter continues to launch new services and features for Blue subscribers. And decreasing creator monetization requirements, increasing the video upload limit to 2 hours. The other focus is on attracting more advertisers to the platform.
A lot going on forTwitter. But the biggest issue is that Bot spam is at its peak, removing bots was one of the biggest promises made by ElonMusk. Still not delivered.
I have my fingers crossed for June.
Execution Considerations:
Twitter is getting better at recommending relevant tweets under the original tweets you read. And as you know it is mentioned on Github that the Twitter connection network plays a huge role in getting content discovered.
I recommend refining your network and networking with the right audiences. Kinda old advice but the platform is testing new prompts related to this. That is why you should click on it.
Agencies & Brands: Who got the best campaign?
Starting with the world's biggest marketing agency will get even bigger with a new partnership with Nvidia. WPP is partnering with Nvidia to use its AI technology to level up its campaigns. Link!Shorty Awards took place in May and here is the full list of winners. Have a look and get inspired for next year.
VCCP, a London-based creative agency, is launching an AI-creative agency. The usage of generative AI is increasing very fast and adaptation is the key now. Link!
This month was filled with brand and marketing events. I found a curated list of brand marketing events that took place in May. Link!
The New Bud Light is “The North Face”. The new campaign featuring a drag queen is catching negative attention like Budlight. Link!
Jaskaran: I started tracking agency news for the newsletter last week, for future monthly recaps you will find more and better recaps.
Instagram: Targeted Advertising!
Believe it or not. Meta is moving fast with Instagram now. Tiktok announced their search ads will roll out slowly to marketers, and last week Meta came in clutch and announced “Instagram search Ads”. You can access them through the Instagram marketing API. Link!Besides that Instagram made a huge spark as the information about a new Twitter viral came up. Meta is expected to launch a new decentralized Twitter-like app for their users in June. Many are excited about it. It could be a great opportunity for businesses as many find IG very hard to scale.
Decentralized means your followers can follow you on the new app with one click. This app can help you reach more existing followers on IG & FB.
Other than these two, there was a list of updates including a new creator fund announcement. But not much impacting your organic growth.
PPC: New Policies Kicking In
For the second half of 2023, Advertisers in the UK & EU need compliance with these new Google Ad requirements. Link!Google and Walmart both took steps to make media buying and Ad creative creation easier. You can read here about Google’s new approach to media buying and how Walmart here is trying to help businesses with Ad creatives.
Microsoft is moving fast with Bing Chat Advertising, You can now use Chat Ads API to integrate ads within Bing AI. Link!
There were a few other marketing product updates for Microsoft in terms of improving targeting and utilizing AI. One of my favorites is the recent UET update to their analytics dashboard.
For more information, I recommend revisiting our last emails & read this recent Google marketing live recap.
Meta: Data Limitations & AI for Marketers
Meta is stuck. Yes, because they have developed one of the best AI languages and structures to benefit marketers. For example, this new engineering blog showcasing its new AI content structure is golden. Link!At the same time, Meta is having huge issues in the EU & UK with their data usage. The platform Received a $1.2B fine and now UK representatives are limiting data usage for Meta. Good for privacy but points to a huge problem for paid media marketers.
Meaning Meta’s future is bright due to AI research & frameworks but data issues are like close friends showing up every single day.
Other than this, Meta is launching AI tools to help marketers create better Ad creatives. Link!
In April, Meta increased its involvement in AI to push organic content and in May was focused on utilizing AI for paid media offerings.
Facebook: New Lead generation forms features and a few updates to Facebook reels were key product updates.
WhatsApp: New Updates to WhatsApp Chat features with the addition of Chat Lock, sharing with captions & new polls feature.
SEO: It's all changed but…
With multiple announcements, Google search page structure & how content is ranked will be changing. The new interface is expected to prefer AI-generated results but for June. This new feature is opt-in, users on the desktop can choose to get AI results within a search. Changing their Google page experience.Many SEOs are predicting a 70-80% traffic drop in the upcoming months. But many experienced SEOs believe changes are good and the traffic for the future will be more quality-oriented.
These insights linked below are from the best SEOs and their opinions on recent search engine marketing changes.
- 11 Realizations from testing search generative experience. Link!
- Aleyda Solis on new Google Changes. Link!
- The AI takeover of Google Search. Verge
Youtube: New Ad Formats & Algorithm
After doing $40B in revenue last year. The platform announced new Ad formats at IAB Newsfront. With the launch of 30-second unskippable Ads on Connected TV.Where Youtube is headed with Unskippable Ads is the future of online movie & content streaming. Either platforms like Netflix, Hulu, and other services have to give up a share of revenue. Or they need to go back to unskippable Connected TV Ads format to pay the writers.
Coming back to Youtube, Every week on their “creator insider” channel they announce various new updates. The highlight was the recent update of community post creation for all users.
Partnering with Influencers and using community posts to target core audiences is one of the best strategies based on this new update.
Marketing Research: What Changed?
- Don’t stress out about AI. More than 40% of Americans have never heard of ChatGPT. And only 14% have tried it. (PewResearch)
- Watch out for Podcast Ads, the Ad spend on podcasts is increasing and revenue is up 26% YoY. (IAB)
- Gartner’s research on How ChatGPT is useful to CMOs. (Gartner)
- CTV Ad fraud is increasing with the usage of Bots. (Double Verify)
- Are Twitter users planning a comeback or leaving? (Pew)
- Where is the media spending moving? It is decreasing for a few industries, but only moving to other channels for many. (Insider)
LinkedIn: Continued Organic Growth
As the round of layoffs is not stopping, LinkedIn is having its best time. The in-app activity continues to increase and now the platform has 930 million monthly active users, closing in on the 1 billion mark very soon.LinkedIn is embracing AI in May with new AI features to help with messaging, job descriptions, and other hiring processes.
All that growth doesn’t mean everything is great. As the platform laid off 700 employees this month.
Overall, LinkedIn is doing good and viewers are loving their new marketing campaign. Watch!
Reddit: E-commerce World
I wrote about this in my updated social media trends post. Reddit is working on various new e-commerce features.While many believe that the nature of Reddit doesn’t fit e-commerce offerings. Many product reviews and conversations take place on Reddit and users get the ability to integrate products from other businesses within the content. It could work very well.
Using these features to self-promote is impossible but with the right execution. It can do a charm.
Others: Reddit is going through a bot followers scam.
Mini-Bites: Snapchat, Airbnb & Others
- Airbnb did the social listening well to steal the attention of an influencer’s audience. (Business Insider)
- Peacock’s Twitter strategy and latest viral tweet. (Read)
- Snapchat continues to develop its AR offerings with recent updates. Brands can take advantage of AR even more. (SMT)
- Lulumelon’s Tiktok page is an inspiration board for SMMs. (Watch)
PS: You can subscribe here to receive these updates every month with my insights.
2023.06.01 05:34 Hals315 Best friend in unhealthy relationships then pushes me away.
I'm going to try to keep this short. One my best friends who I've known since I was born continually gets involved in unhealthy, sometimes abusive (physical and/or emotional) relationships. It's to the point where she doesn't really have a lot of girlfriends because she will essentially spend all of her time with these partners.
She's an attorney, attractive, extremely smart, funny, and witty. And she meets these guys and begins to believe she isn't worth anything. And the guys start to learn they can get away with more and more. For example, in a previous relationship, he started off with flirting with other girls or commenting on their bodies, which then led to him telling her he would "be with her but he was going to have sex with other women." Which then eventually led to several instances of very scary physical violence which ended after 3-4 years with him almost choking her to death. Of course, at each of these awful events (this doesn't scratch the surface), she comes to me crying, saying she's done, etc. I do understand the cycle of domestic violence. Perpetrators will always try to isolate their victims. It was absolutely devastating and so hard to watch as someone who loves her and cares about her.
Thankfully that relationship ended after many scary nights and tears. Then enters her new boyfriend. They've been together for four years. There've been instances where he flirts with girls (sound familiar?), text other girls, snapchat other girls, send pictures of himself in WOMENS UNDERWEAR to other people, then physically cheated on her, makes comments about her body in a negative way, and most recently she found texts between him and a couple where they propositioned him with a threesome. There were nude photos of the girl and there was a video of the man having his d*ck sucked by another man. She called me from a weekend in another state SOBBING saying she thought it was him in the video and she was done and there's no coming back from it. She said he then deletes the texts and video saying she is a crazy b*tch and she's making it all up. Gaslighting her. He's a sociopath.
So I spend the whole weekend worrying that I need to fly there and be there for her and what if he becomes physical, what if she gets too drunk and does something scary. She then sends me a text Sunday morning that weekend saying she was taking her dress off and fell flat on her face and was pretty sure she broke her nose. I don't believe it for a second.
So what does she do come Monday? Backtrack on everything. Tells me she's asked him to "tell the truth" blah blah blah. And that she feels "okay about it" after their talk. But... she never asked me how I felt, how it hurt me to see this happen, how I worried sick about her... And I tell her that no matter who was in the video, he gaslighted her. He called her crazy. He had a video of a man and another man... who he goes to the gym with. What else will it take to realize he is a liar and a manipulative POS? Did I mention that he was "saving himself for marriage" then decides 3.5 years he will have sex with her the night she's blackout drunk after a friend's wedding? And hasn't had sex with her since?? But had texts with a couple considering a threesome?!
So, ultimately after all of this, she has barely texted me, didn't ask how my weekend was where I celebrated my boyfriend's 30th birthday, goes and spends the weekend with this guy and just pretends like life is grand and we should all pretend it didn't happen. How do I keep being her friend? How do I keep my boundaries? I don't want to be in the same room as this guy anymore. I'd love feedback.
submitted by Hals315 to venting [link] [comments]
She's an attorney, attractive, extremely smart, funny, and witty. And she meets these guys and begins to believe she isn't worth anything. And the guys start to learn they can get away with more and more. For example, in a previous relationship, he started off with flirting with other girls or commenting on their bodies, which then led to him telling her he would "be with her but he was going to have sex with other women." Which then eventually led to several instances of very scary physical violence which ended after 3-4 years with him almost choking her to death. Of course, at each of these awful events (this doesn't scratch the surface), she comes to me crying, saying she's done, etc. I do understand the cycle of domestic violence. Perpetrators will always try to isolate their victims. It was absolutely devastating and so hard to watch as someone who loves her and cares about her.
Thankfully that relationship ended after many scary nights and tears. Then enters her new boyfriend. They've been together for four years. There've been instances where he flirts with girls (sound familiar?), text other girls, snapchat other girls, send pictures of himself in WOMENS UNDERWEAR to other people, then physically cheated on her, makes comments about her body in a negative way, and most recently she found texts between him and a couple where they propositioned him with a threesome. There were nude photos of the girl and there was a video of the man having his d*ck sucked by another man. She called me from a weekend in another state SOBBING saying she thought it was him in the video and she was done and there's no coming back from it. She said he then deletes the texts and video saying she is a crazy b*tch and she's making it all up. Gaslighting her. He's a sociopath.
So I spend the whole weekend worrying that I need to fly there and be there for her and what if he becomes physical, what if she gets too drunk and does something scary. She then sends me a text Sunday morning that weekend saying she was taking her dress off and fell flat on her face and was pretty sure she broke her nose. I don't believe it for a second.
So what does she do come Monday? Backtrack on everything. Tells me she's asked him to "tell the truth" blah blah blah. And that she feels "okay about it" after their talk. But... she never asked me how I felt, how it hurt me to see this happen, how I worried sick about her... And I tell her that no matter who was in the video, he gaslighted her. He called her crazy. He had a video of a man and another man... who he goes to the gym with. What else will it take to realize he is a liar and a manipulative POS? Did I mention that he was "saving himself for marriage" then decides 3.5 years he will have sex with her the night she's blackout drunk after a friend's wedding? And hasn't had sex with her since?? But had texts with a couple considering a threesome?!
So, ultimately after all of this, she has barely texted me, didn't ask how my weekend was where I celebrated my boyfriend's 30th birthday, goes and spends the weekend with this guy and just pretends like life is grand and we should all pretend it didn't happen. How do I keep being her friend? How do I keep my boundaries? I don't want to be in the same room as this guy anymore. I'd love feedback.
2023.06.01 05:20 Hals315 One of my best (33F) friends continually chooses manipulative partners and isolates away from me when I support her.
I'm going to try to keep this short. One my best friends who I've known since I was born continually gets involved in unhealthy, sometimes abusive (physical and/or emotional) relationships. It's to the point where she doesn't really have a lot of girlfriends because she will essentially spend all of her time with these partners.
She's an attorney, attractive, extremely smart, funny, and witty. And she meets these guys and begins to believe she isn't worth anything. And the guys start to learn they can get away with more and more. For example, in a previous relationship, he started off with flirting with other girls or commenting on their bodies, which then led to him telling her he would "be with her but he was going to have sex with other women." Which then eventually led to several instances of very scary physical violence which ended after 3-4 years with him almost choking her to death. Of course, at each of these awful events (this doesn't scratch the surface), she comes to me crying, saying she's done, etc. I do understand the cycle of domestic violence. Perpetrators will always try to isolate their victims. It was absolutely devastating and so hard to watch as someone who loves her and cares about her.
Thankfully that relationship ended after many scary nights and tears. Then enters her new boyfriend. They've been together for four years. There've been instances where he flirts with girls (sound familiar?), text other girls, snapchat other girls, send pictures of himself in WOMENS UNDERWEAR to other people, then physically cheated on her, makes comments about her body in a negative way, and most recently she found texts between him and a couple where they propositioned him with a threesome. There were nude photos of the girl and there was a video of the man having his d*ck sucked by another man. She called me from a weekend in another state SOBBING saying she thought it was him in the video and she was done and there's no coming back from it. She said he then deletes the texts and video saying she is a crazy b*tch and she's making it all up. Gaslighting her. He's a sociopath.
So I spend the whole weekend worrying that I need to fly there and be there for her and what if he becomes physical, what if she gets too drunk and does something scary. She then sends me a text Sunday morning that weekend saying she was taking her dress off and fell flat on her face and was pretty sure she broke her nose. I don't believe it for a second.
So what does she do come Monday? Backtrack on everything. Tells me she's asked him to "tell the truth" blah blah blah. And that she feels "okay about it" after their talk. But... she never asked me how I felt, how it hurt me to see this happen, how I worried sick about her... And I tell her that no matter who was in the video, he gaslighted her. He called her crazy. He had a video of a man and another man... who he goes to the gym with. What else will it take to realize he is a liar and a manipulative POS? Did I mention that he was "saving himself for marriage" then decides 3.5 years he will have sex with her the night she's blackout drunk after a friend's wedding? And hasn't had sex with her since?? But had texts with a couple considering a threesome?!
So, ultimately after all of this, she has barely texted me, didn't ask how my weekend was where I celebrated my boyfriend's 30th birthday, goes and spends the weekend with this guy and just pretends like life is grand and we should all pretend it didn't happen. How do I keep being her friend? How do I keep my boundaries? I don't want to be in the same room as this guy anymore. I'd love feedback.
submitted by Hals315 to offmychest [link] [comments]
She's an attorney, attractive, extremely smart, funny, and witty. And she meets these guys and begins to believe she isn't worth anything. And the guys start to learn they can get away with more and more. For example, in a previous relationship, he started off with flirting with other girls or commenting on their bodies, which then led to him telling her he would "be with her but he was going to have sex with other women." Which then eventually led to several instances of very scary physical violence which ended after 3-4 years with him almost choking her to death. Of course, at each of these awful events (this doesn't scratch the surface), she comes to me crying, saying she's done, etc. I do understand the cycle of domestic violence. Perpetrators will always try to isolate their victims. It was absolutely devastating and so hard to watch as someone who loves her and cares about her.
Thankfully that relationship ended after many scary nights and tears. Then enters her new boyfriend. They've been together for four years. There've been instances where he flirts with girls (sound familiar?), text other girls, snapchat other girls, send pictures of himself in WOMENS UNDERWEAR to other people, then physically cheated on her, makes comments about her body in a negative way, and most recently she found texts between him and a couple where they propositioned him with a threesome. There were nude photos of the girl and there was a video of the man having his d*ck sucked by another man. She called me from a weekend in another state SOBBING saying she thought it was him in the video and she was done and there's no coming back from it. She said he then deletes the texts and video saying she is a crazy b*tch and she's making it all up. Gaslighting her. He's a sociopath.
So I spend the whole weekend worrying that I need to fly there and be there for her and what if he becomes physical, what if she gets too drunk and does something scary. She then sends me a text Sunday morning that weekend saying she was taking her dress off and fell flat on her face and was pretty sure she broke her nose. I don't believe it for a second.
So what does she do come Monday? Backtrack on everything. Tells me she's asked him to "tell the truth" blah blah blah. And that she feels "okay about it" after their talk. But... she never asked me how I felt, how it hurt me to see this happen, how I worried sick about her... And I tell her that no matter who was in the video, he gaslighted her. He called her crazy. He had a video of a man and another man... who he goes to the gym with. What else will it take to realize he is a liar and a manipulative POS? Did I mention that he was "saving himself for marriage" then decides 3.5 years he will have sex with her the night she's blackout drunk after a friend's wedding? And hasn't had sex with her since?? But had texts with a couple considering a threesome?!
So, ultimately after all of this, she has barely texted me, didn't ask how my weekend was where I celebrated my boyfriend's 30th birthday, goes and spends the weekend with this guy and just pretends like life is grand and we should all pretend it didn't happen. How do I keep being her friend? How do I keep my boundaries? I don't want to be in the same room as this guy anymore. I'd love feedback.
2023.06.01 05:00 Creative-Bid2059 Partner (26M) constantly sexts other women. Should I (25F) just get over it?
Every relationship I’ve been in, the guy has sexted other girls. No matter how good of a partner I’ve been. No matter how much sex I provide (5-14 times daily with one partner for example). I am slightly overweight now, but I have always been good looking and fit. It hasn’t mattered how good I’ve been to the partnemy appearance. Plus other men in “happy relationships” try to sext me all the time!
The issue is: I am only getting older. I will be turning 26 soon. I own a home with my boyfriend. Is it worth it to try to look elsewhere if this is the result every time?
I want children. I want a partner. But I am so embarrassed by his behavior. He constantly sexts females on Snapchat and some I even know.
I want to know if there is anyone who won’t do this? Please don’t sugar coat. I just need to know if I should give a fuck about my love life or settle and deal with it so I can have a family. Romantic love aside, I have bigger goals.
submitted by Creative-Bid2059 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
The issue is: I am only getting older. I will be turning 26 soon. I own a home with my boyfriend. Is it worth it to try to look elsewhere if this is the result every time?
I want children. I want a partner. But I am so embarrassed by his behavior. He constantly sexts females on Snapchat and some I even know.
I want to know if there is anyone who won’t do this? Please don’t sugar coat. I just need to know if I should give a fuck about my love life or settle and deal with it so I can have a family. Romantic love aside, I have bigger goals.
2023.06.01 01:10 never_nic Help (and a cautionary tale) - I spent 4k on girls online and counting
This is the most embarrassing shit I’ve ever had to write up, but I don’t know where to turn. I’ve tried to fix this on my own for years now. If anything, this should serve as a warning about what unrestrained hedonism can evolve into.
I’m a 25 year old male. I have diagnosed ADHD. My porn addiction developed in my teenage years, I feel like as a result of a very weird upbringing where I lived in a single room with my parents, so on the rare occasion when they were out somewhere, I capitalised on it fully and jerked off as much as possible. Also, of course, no attention from girls in my teenage years. I tried nofap when I was a teenager, the longest I’ve EVER managed to do was 4 days.
Whenever I get into it, even if I try to restrain myself, it’s like I turn into a different person altogether. It starts with “I’ll just innocently jerk off without porn”. Then “I’ll just look at this one picture online..” Next thing you know I’m into full on gooning mode, edging myself for hours.
At some point, about 3 years ago, I started using cam sites. Now the 6 hour long jerking sessions with work in the morning also include me spending money on these girls. As my “tastes” evolved, I grew to enjoy dominant women that required payments from their slaves along with domination (findom). And I’ve had the same long term girlfriend throughout these past 3 years as well and all this has been happening behind my back.
The situation right now is: I live my life normally, I keep busy (idle hands and whatnot), sometimes I jerk off to porn, sometimes without porn, sometimes I have sex with my girlfriend..
But once or twice a month, I find myself in a situation where I’m alone with a computer somewhere (or I don’t even have to be alone, I’ve done it at the office too..) and this “other” lizard brain me takes over. I unblock the websites I have blocked “just for a harmless peek”, I make a new Snapchat.. And suddenly it’s 5 AM, I’ve gone through hours of porn and finished it off by paying some chick online to dom me. I delete my accounts, I block the websites. But it doesn’t matter, I’ll find a way around it again.
Earlier this month I ran out of my savings because of this problem. For the first time in my life I’m living paycheck to paycheck. I had to borrow from my parents and gf and lie about the bank having a problem. And guess what. Yesterday I jerked off until 5 AM. I think I got pink eye from staring at a screen for so long, I need to get it checked. And today I sent a domme 80 Euro.
I can’t frame this as anything other than life ruining. I don’t have many other issues in life. I work out, I have friends, I have a great job, an amazing relationship.. but all it takes is a moment to set me back days worth of progress.
Can anyone recommend an actionable plan? Yes I’m gonna find a psychologist as well, but the waiting lists are 6 months long.
Thank you
submitted by never_nic to NoFap [link] [comments]
I’m a 25 year old male. I have diagnosed ADHD. My porn addiction developed in my teenage years, I feel like as a result of a very weird upbringing where I lived in a single room with my parents, so on the rare occasion when they were out somewhere, I capitalised on it fully and jerked off as much as possible. Also, of course, no attention from girls in my teenage years. I tried nofap when I was a teenager, the longest I’ve EVER managed to do was 4 days.
Whenever I get into it, even if I try to restrain myself, it’s like I turn into a different person altogether. It starts with “I’ll just innocently jerk off without porn”. Then “I’ll just look at this one picture online..” Next thing you know I’m into full on gooning mode, edging myself for hours.
At some point, about 3 years ago, I started using cam sites. Now the 6 hour long jerking sessions with work in the morning also include me spending money on these girls. As my “tastes” evolved, I grew to enjoy dominant women that required payments from their slaves along with domination (findom). And I’ve had the same long term girlfriend throughout these past 3 years as well and all this has been happening behind my back.
The situation right now is: I live my life normally, I keep busy (idle hands and whatnot), sometimes I jerk off to porn, sometimes without porn, sometimes I have sex with my girlfriend..
But once or twice a month, I find myself in a situation where I’m alone with a computer somewhere (or I don’t even have to be alone, I’ve done it at the office too..) and this “other” lizard brain me takes over. I unblock the websites I have blocked “just for a harmless peek”, I make a new Snapchat.. And suddenly it’s 5 AM, I’ve gone through hours of porn and finished it off by paying some chick online to dom me. I delete my accounts, I block the websites. But it doesn’t matter, I’ll find a way around it again.
Earlier this month I ran out of my savings because of this problem. For the first time in my life I’m living paycheck to paycheck. I had to borrow from my parents and gf and lie about the bank having a problem. And guess what. Yesterday I jerked off until 5 AM. I think I got pink eye from staring at a screen for so long, I need to get it checked. And today I sent a domme 80 Euro.
I can’t frame this as anything other than life ruining. I don’t have many other issues in life. I work out, I have friends, I have a great job, an amazing relationship.. but all it takes is a moment to set me back days worth of progress.
Can anyone recommend an actionable plan? Yes I’m gonna find a psychologist as well, but the waiting lists are 6 months long.
Thank you
2023.05.31 22:57 Oni_Chan7 Should I Keep Going With This Friendship or Give It Up?
I've Been stuck on thinking about what I should do about a friendship that I've had for almost 20 years. She was like my Best Friend, my Sister. It all started in high school when I noticed that she had all these photos of her friends on the walls in her room and not a single one of me on there. We would literally share everything talk about everything and more. I Know now that this kind of thinking wasn't the best because I realized I was overthinking about the situation and just let it slide.
As the Months rolled over she was getting more and more distant from me. I feel like I had the blame for this part because I was in a relationship with my bf at the time for the whole 4 years of high school and would be with him all the time but regardless I didn't have much classes with him and neither did I have lunch with him and in those times I would try to socialize with her but I would always be on the side of everyone and technically felt alone.
Moving on after high school things were different like it always does when someone goes into college. we started drifting more and more apart, she would come to my house to hang out but every time she would come over she would fall asleep or ask for my brother. she couldn't get off her phone when we hung out and that bothered me because I was giving her my undivided attention and I felt like I wasn't getting that back. So I went through community college by myself because we agreed we would go together but that didn't happen. moving on we basically stopped talking for a couple of months cause we were busy with our lives. I Helped her get a job with me and she doesn't even look in my direction at work.
Now we are adults living our lives and I always held her so close to me and cared for her and always wanted to hang out but I personally felt some type of way. it all took a turn one day when my brother saw her at the club with the guy I hate. She said "oh my gosh its so nice to see you" and my brother said they were having a good time and he was posting on snapchat about how they were at the club and she immediately said don't post anything about us and my brother question her about why and then she replied " I don't want her to find out that I'm out here" (meaning me). and then my brother was like why not? and then she said to him " because she will get butthurt that I'm at the club and didn't invite her because she doesn't get invited places". and ever since my brother told me this I've been thinking about my friendship about her.
I haven't really liked her boyfriend because he treats her like shit and she lets it happen to her. As her "friend" because I can't call her my Best friend now I sat her down and talked to her about this and she kept getting upset saying you don't know him like I know him or you can't judge him for that. Personally no matter what I had said to her I felt like I wasn't getting through to her and i hated that she couldn't see that this guy was just messing with her feeling and just having the intentions to have sex with her on top of that she lost her virginity with this guy which I get it probably another reason why she feels this way but I'm not going to sit around hearing this douche bag say " why cant you have a fat ass like this girl on Instagram" and she would get sad about her weight and she ended up changing herself dramatically. she transformed in a matter of months into someone who I couldn't recognize... I was losing my best friend well I guess my friend.
As of now I still try and reach out to her and ask her to hang out but she always flakes on me and i feel like she makes excuses to not hang out like I'm at the gym or i'm going to a soccer game with my brother and stuff like that but on her snapchat shes completely somewhere else. I feel like she choses other people instead of me at times and im tired of being the last option. this hurts me alot because shes still someone i care about and i personally am going through some issues but i don't have a friend to talk to like that anymore. I just want her back but i also don't want to deal with her bs anymore please let me know what you guys think i should do? Make it work? or cut it off?
submitted by Oni_Chan7 to FriendshipAdvice [link] [comments]
As the Months rolled over she was getting more and more distant from me. I feel like I had the blame for this part because I was in a relationship with my bf at the time for the whole 4 years of high school and would be with him all the time but regardless I didn't have much classes with him and neither did I have lunch with him and in those times I would try to socialize with her but I would always be on the side of everyone and technically felt alone.
Moving on after high school things were different like it always does when someone goes into college. we started drifting more and more apart, she would come to my house to hang out but every time she would come over she would fall asleep or ask for my brother. she couldn't get off her phone when we hung out and that bothered me because I was giving her my undivided attention and I felt like I wasn't getting that back. So I went through community college by myself because we agreed we would go together but that didn't happen. moving on we basically stopped talking for a couple of months cause we were busy with our lives. I Helped her get a job with me and she doesn't even look in my direction at work.
Now we are adults living our lives and I always held her so close to me and cared for her and always wanted to hang out but I personally felt some type of way. it all took a turn one day when my brother saw her at the club with the guy I hate. She said "oh my gosh its so nice to see you" and my brother said they were having a good time and he was posting on snapchat about how they were at the club and she immediately said don't post anything about us and my brother question her about why and then she replied " I don't want her to find out that I'm out here" (meaning me). and then my brother was like why not? and then she said to him " because she will get butthurt that I'm at the club and didn't invite her because she doesn't get invited places". and ever since my brother told me this I've been thinking about my friendship about her.
I haven't really liked her boyfriend because he treats her like shit and she lets it happen to her. As her "friend" because I can't call her my Best friend now I sat her down and talked to her about this and she kept getting upset saying you don't know him like I know him or you can't judge him for that. Personally no matter what I had said to her I felt like I wasn't getting through to her and i hated that she couldn't see that this guy was just messing with her feeling and just having the intentions to have sex with her on top of that she lost her virginity with this guy which I get it probably another reason why she feels this way but I'm not going to sit around hearing this douche bag say " why cant you have a fat ass like this girl on Instagram" and she would get sad about her weight and she ended up changing herself dramatically. she transformed in a matter of months into someone who I couldn't recognize... I was losing my best friend well I guess my friend.
As of now I still try and reach out to her and ask her to hang out but she always flakes on me and i feel like she makes excuses to not hang out like I'm at the gym or i'm going to a soccer game with my brother and stuff like that but on her snapchat shes completely somewhere else. I feel like she choses other people instead of me at times and im tired of being the last option. this hurts me alot because shes still someone i care about and i personally am going through some issues but i don't have a friend to talk to like that anymore. I just want her back but i also don't want to deal with her bs anymore please let me know what you guys think i should do? Make it work? or cut it off?
2023.05.31 18:39 englishconversation1 A-1 Top 7 Hire a Hacker For iPhone Now
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Contact: [email protected] The hacking process is very simple each application that is being there once the person’s phone will make its own folder on the memory. The spy application will help you in providing all the digital information on the person’s phone. This is one of the best applications when you have started to hack an iPhone. This is the application that helps you in quietly monitoring all the activities and the person will always remain undetectable as well. This is the application that is used for tracking WhatsApp, Facebook, hack Snapchat, and many other social media applications. So if you are wishing to hack iPhone then this application is the best as there is no need for jailbreaking as well. Contact: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) CONCLUSION HirePhoneSpy for iPhone is an application that helps you in cracking the user password and helps you in hacking all such things that you need to know about the target phone. This application works secretly in the background of the user and provides you in fetching all the information that you want to know about the target phone. This application provides you with 24×7 customer service so that if there is any problem related to the phone one can easily solve it. They are easy to access and are less in cost as well. Contact: [email protected] |
2023.05.31 13:26 Alenepicboi How to clear system data in bulk and fast?
Hi guys, So I have an iPhone 6s with only 16 gigs. except over 13 gigs of that 16 is taken by "iOS" & "System" data. How do i clear the cache off my phone to reduce the system data that always fills up so fast? Recently i deleted over 2000 photos off my phone using icloud, but the amount of space photos takes up on my phone is nearly exactly the same (about 1.3 gigs).
I only have three apps downloaded - snapchat, instagram and shazam. A few minutes ago i had a music app but i deleted it by accident and cant get it back cause its no longer on the app store (if anyone has a fix to that lmk i'm desperate ash). I cleared my snapchat cache but to no avail - I also regularly reset my safari stuff despite barely using it.
Will updating my phone reduce the IOS/System data and is it worth deleting my apps for? (combined they take up about 700mbs.) The next update due for my phone is 15.7.6.
Also, iCloud photos wont enable ever since i did the icloud photos thing that purged over 2000 photos, no matter how many times i tap "Enable" in storage recommendations. In my iCloud settings it says its enable and Optimise storage is selected, but the website says i havent enabled it yet either.
Please help, i cannot afford a new phone atm. thank you.
submitted by Alenepicboi to iCloud [link] [comments]
I only have three apps downloaded - snapchat, instagram and shazam. A few minutes ago i had a music app but i deleted it by accident and cant get it back cause its no longer on the app store (if anyone has a fix to that lmk i'm desperate ash). I cleared my snapchat cache but to no avail - I also regularly reset my safari stuff despite barely using it.
Will updating my phone reduce the IOS/System data and is it worth deleting my apps for? (combined they take up about 700mbs.) The next update due for my phone is 15.7.6.
Also, iCloud photos wont enable ever since i did the icloud photos thing that purged over 2000 photos, no matter how many times i tap "Enable" in storage recommendations. In my iCloud settings it says its enable and Optimise storage is selected, but the website says i havent enabled it yet either.
Please help, i cannot afford a new phone atm. thank you.
2023.05.31 11:31 KKshilling Advice For Interns Nailing Your Summer Finance Internship
I’ve been grinding away on a lot of writing on credit recruiting, advice for interns, and other career resources for junior peers in finance and have roughly 17,000 words written so far. This will steadily be coming out over the next few months – and we’re kicking it off today starting with advice for interns. My disclaimer for everything I’ll be writing is as follows – one person’s career advice may not be the perfect fit for you and you should combine the opinion of 5-10 people you respect and then determine what is YOUR best path. But alas, I’ve walked the path of being a bulge bracket intern, and have spent a lot of time thinking through the insight I can provide the interns and junior people that follow the account – and here’s what I’ve got.
First – advice for people with interns: Be nice and understanding to your intern.
To be honest, whether we like to admit it or not, this is how most of us came into the industry: A lot of us came into the industry thinking we knew more than we actually did because we read about it in a textbook, got good grades, and saw xyz finance meme. But the reality is a lot of us were vastly unprepared to be a value-added resource during the early stages of our career. One MD said to me once as a college senior “They don’t expect you to know anything. They’re hiring for someone who can learn as they go.” I didn’t realize this as a college senior, but after six months of working this became very obvious to me. Companies are hiring interns for their potential. Their potential comes from 1) having a good work ethic and 2) having a good attitude. As an intern, if you work hard and be pleasant to work with, then you’re going to win 9 times out of 10.
It's hard to remember, but there was a time where none of us had any clue what we were doing. Arguably, this continues on in your career and the humblest investors truly believe this. So look here’s my advice – sure interns be saying the darndest things sometimes – but let’s try to cut them slack, treat them fairly, and remember we were once in their same shoes?
Sure, if a Gen Z intern is out there being a jerk and snobbish, then maybe this isn’t valid, but if they’re hardworking, showing a lot of potential, and are super coachable then it is your job to help them develop into a potential asset at your firm.
Also – this is a relatively more “stressful” year for interns. College kids are always a lot more panicked about the job market than people who already have experience under their belt to begin with - but this economy isn’t lessening their worries. A lot of college kids are seeing the class of 2023 have offers pulled and enter a tougher job market. Now they’re starting to get spooked a bit and may feel a little out of control. Try your best to encourage and develop them – these guys are probably feeling a little like how the 2008-2009 grads felt, to a degree.
Okay – so here’s my 20 point list of recommendations for interns.
First - last year I started a debate over whether banking interns should take vacations in the middle of their internship….and people actually tried countering it. LMAO! I’m going to try this bit again sometime soon to get the people going and let’s still see people still think that while we’re on the precipice of a recession.
1) Be careful with social media. DO NOT MAKE TIKTOKS. Emphasizing this in all caps. There’s a reason all the Finmemes and FinTwit burners are anonymous and not dancing around on the internet. Most TikToks are very cringeworthy and seem to always find their way to HR once they go viral. People will 100% get fired over what they post to TikTok or Snapchat. Your TikToks are very likely to be spread to large audiences on Instagram or Twitter – which is totally fair game (you posted it, you gotta own what you post). With that said, if you ask nicely I’ll take a TikTok down, but other accounts openly will not. In general, don’t take your phone out and record or take photos of stuff, especially given all the sensitive materials we work with. Don’t post sensitive information from your computer on your IG story captioned “grinding hard” “working on the weekend like usual” or some shit.
2) Don’t take a week long vacation during a ten-week internship. Last year, I made this obvious remark on twitter, got a bunch of ppl in agreement, but also riled up a tonnnn of people on twitter (didn’t seem like the typical finance folk though) but it’s true. I want everyone reading this to succeed – which is why I’m telling this hard truth. Bosses in banking will frown upon you missing 10% of your learning experience to go vacation. You can always vacation before or after your internship (this is what I did lol). Remember as an intern, you are trying out for a sports team – you haven’t made the team yet, but you’re getting the chance to make the big leagues. Would you leave the team in the middle of preseason before the roster is finalized? Of course not. It’s that simple.
3) Dress the part without overdressing: You don’t want to wear a significantly oversized suit but you also shouldn’t be wearing Gucci loafers as an intern. Ideally you want to dress in a pretty standard way that isn’t drawing attention to yourself as someone who seems out of place. I’d lose any dress shirts with shirt pockets and I’m not a fan of oxford collars (this one may be too harsh but just my opinion). I just don’t think oxford collars go well with a tie and/or suit. Make sure your dress shirts aren’t wrinkled af. Obviously no Gordon Gekko dress shirts. In terms of shoes, Gucci loafers are frowned upon as an intern/first year because you haven’t really gone through the ringer, may be perceived as entitled, and hence don’t deserve this status symbol. This is the case for nice watches too. This is the perception from senior people, so ya, just wait until after a sick bonus and snag the more-status like attire after your first 1-3 years.
https://preview.redd.it/fq92pqseg63b1.png?width=717&format=png&auto=webp&s=2b02171dd0c4df030bfbc7b897ddb572cf050a5b
4) You want to look professional, this may mean having a professional haircut: Look – so if I see a Gen Z analyst with that typical Gen Z haircut (I later learned it’s called a “broccoli cut”) I do not take them seriously. I figured this was kind of mean of me, so I went to Twitter to confirm whether other people think this. In fact, they overwhelmingly agree. Older generations think the broccoli cut looks stupid as hell.
Again, it’s not about “what’s accepted” by your generation, it’s about what’s accepted (without being said obviously) within the workforce. Again, this is me speaking a hard truth. I’d like for HYH readers to be taken seriously – and I’m telling you a large amount of FinTwit just said this haircut below looks silly! Read the tea leaves.
https://preview.redd.it/bvgvzcuhg63b1.png?width=477&format=png&auto=webp&s=3ea98cc719152f926751f143066a562ac6421e13
5) Don’t make the same mistake twice: Easier said than done, but the people evaluating you are keeping tabs on whether you’re smart/teachable. They’ve been trained by this philosophy and are judging you by the same standards. If you make the same mistake twice, then they may perceive that you may not have the ability to retain information, learn from experience, etc. Tough, but this is true and happens constantly. I got screamed at once where my VP said “he asked this same question before!!” to a couple of MDs. Tbh the MDs didn’t really care, but wasn’t a great feeling. Try to keep tabs on what you’ve already asked and have been shown.
6) Don’t #REF the model or some important file: When you’re working in an excel model or PowerPoint on your own you should make a copy from the original just in case you totally #REF! the model. Create a copy of “ImportantModel” and name it “ImportantModelYourInitials”. That way if you do something really dumb (who knows, you may change something they don’t like), at least there’s a backup. Tbh you may need to keep doing this throughout the entirety of your career and should engrain this in yourself as a best practice.
7) Steve Schwarzman (Founder of Blackstone) once said this isn’t school – you need a 100% score. This is the most important lesson here. In college, an A is a mid-90s grade. In a famous YouTube video where Schwarzman greets the first year analyst class at Blackstone, he notes how only a 100 is acceptable and As/Bs are not. He says this was his biggest challenge when he was just starting out. I’d strongly recommend watching this video later when you’re done reading through my list. He spits absolute fire here.
8) WFH will happen later in your career….your internship isn’t the time to be remote: In 2021/2022 I got some pushback on this point, but look now! Finance firms have brought pretty much everyone back to the office and a large chunk of front office professionals are in five days a week. Obviously there’s plenty of people at three days a week and four days a week, but I don’t know anyone in finance with “one or two days or fully remote”. I’ve previously noted that I thought a bunch of people were making a mistake by moving to fully remote too soon in their careers. I thought remote workers would be the first to go in a downturn and that has played out a ton over the past year. A remote worker’s connectivity is lower than the people a manager may see around a water cooler. Obviously, someone outside of finance, someone who’s an absolute stud, or an entrepreneur can leverage remote work ofc. I personally don’t think your 20’s are a great time to be too focused on being remote first, and the focus should be on building a reputation first. Obviously your first job (your internship) is meant as mainly a learning experience and a great opportunity to learn from smart people! Therefore as long as those smart people are in the office, you should be there too. If the firm has a 3-4 day policy then you get to follow that, but if you have a couple notable people in 5 days a week, then I would suck it up and get in the office 5 days a week. Also, this may be a great way to differentiate yourself and get more one-on-one time while the rest of the office is empty. Also – you’re trying out for a team! Make the team!
9) Proofread constantly: The more you re-read the higher the probability of catching errors! I’m terrible at proofreading. My ADHD ass is bouncing around constantly and I always miss stuff – but hopefully you guys can do better than me. Some tips: A) read from beginning to end, B) read backwards (from end to beginning), C) say out loud what you’re proofreading under your breath, D) read on a different format (for ex. If you were proofreading in word, try proofreading again in a PDF format), and E) print out the end product and proofread on paper. You don’t have to do all 5…(I don’t)..but you should find a formula to proofread and over-read effectively.
10) Over-communicate: It’s okay if you say or email “Will do”, “sounds good” , or “On it” constantly – I would confirm receipt to every email your direct co-workers send you so the sender knows you’re attentive and understood their instructions. Over-communicating via responding to emails is the move because it allows the person delegating work to you to understand that they don’t have to hover over you. When someone who isn’t your staffer talks to you too, it might be helpful to bring up in conversation – “I’m working with Kevin on xyz deal” or “I’ve been helping with xyz”- this is a good way to show people that you’re 1) staying busy and 2) contributing and people actually know what you’re up to.
11) Write everything down: When someone is speaking to you there is an expectation that you should be taking notes. Would be brutal if you finish an assignment but forget one piece because you forgot and didn’t have that part written down. Part of writing everything down too is so you can review and refresh on the lessons you’ve learned from your internship. I’d recommend reading through the learnings you have written down once a week. And obviously, post internship you can reflect on what you’ve learned and have off hand in case you need it in another setting. On that note, if there’s anything interesting you wrote down or worked on that you need to reference going forward – make sure you grab it and take it with you before your final day. Not the cleanest advice I’m giving rn – but it’s something a lot of people do and post-internship you may regret forgetting to bring home your firm’s powerpoint shortcut pdf, a primer on covenant lite loans, or a certain sell-side research report. Just speaking facts.
https://preview.redd.it/ltqwpdrkg63b1.png?width=638&format=png&auto=webp&s=ced91af93b5499d0e44f258c374ae73f38e77f8a
12) Predict demands: This may be more for first-year analysts, but figuring out where you can add value and save people time is how you can justify your salary. For interns, it’s more about 1) learning experience, 2) being a good cultural fit, and 3) being teachable. But if you’re an intern tasked with “analyst like tasks” then I would try to take a step back and think of where you can add value. If someone senior asks you to do a task that seems recurring in nature, that’s a good place to take initiative going forward. Just confirm with them of course, that this is something recurring and something they want you to do, as you don’t want to accidentally mess something up or overstep. If you can get started on a task that you know someone is going to ask you to do anyways, go for it. Show that initiative.
13) Network with everyone, leave no stone unturned: I wouldn’t network with people immediately (you need to find your footing the first week or two) but it’s a mistake to not block off time to talk to every relevant person you can get in front of. Personalize your approaches and personalize your follow-ups, but recognize as an intern you’ll get a lot of flexibility to get in front of people that you may not be able to get in front of in a couple of years. Also make sure you chill with your fellow interns. Don’t be the person who doesn’t converse with the other interns. These are relationships that can become pretty important down the line as you will be able to pick each other’s brains as you navigate your early career. Also make sure you remember people’s names and don’t guess if you don’t know. If someone has a name that’s hard to spell – check their email first to make sure you spelled it right before firing it off. Last summer I got called the wrong name a few times by an intern on a different team. I didn’t bother correcting them, figuring it’s funnier to let them keep making the same mistake, and they looked like an idiot when they got it wrong in front of other people near the end of their internship
https://preview.redd.it/l9nm54fmg63b1.png?width=903&format=png&auto=webp&s=80a2be27ca070587d58a41ce270624d7d29ca2a2
14) Show this is where you want to work after graduation (even if that’s not true): Remember, you’re trying out for a sports team, make sure you show you want to join the big leagues. Look, you may even have to pretend you want to work there after graduation even if that’s a bold faced lie. If there’s murmurs you’re just using this internship as a stepping stone, you will be toast. You’ll have a year to shop for a better gig – just focus on securing the offer! Also – we’re probably about to enter a recession – don’t get cute! Get the job!
https://preview.redd.it/om9lnonng63b1.png?width=547&format=png&auto=webp&s=a4024053ba716b011164a996d23665ed376bd28f
15) Don’t get sloppy while drinking: This is very important. This isn’t college anymore. Bosses don’t care about how much you drink or how sick you are (I’ve made this mistake honestly). Keep your cool while drinking with colleagues and keep your cool if there’s an intern after party that follows a general work party. Again, this isn’t college, use your best judgement even when impaired.
16) Focus on what you can control, don’t focus on what you can’t control. This was really good advice I got from a MD. You have to accept some things are out of your control, which is tough for the personality types that know they can force a lot of their own future. If you put a lot of work in and are strategic, you can carve your own path forward, but there will still be external stuff out of your control that you can’t sweat over and will have to power through. Differentiating the two is crucial. But if there is something you can improve on that will impact your outcomes going forward, make sure you address that vs. incorrectly think it’s something you can’t control. Once you know what you can and cannot control you’ll be able to shape the path you want.
17) In hindsight you’ll realize you asked dumb questions/cared about the wrong stuff: You may realize over a few years that you panicked over stuff that didn’t matter. Try not to sweat it. It’s all part of the process. The stuff you read on WSO isn’t the bible. Just remember to be fair and helpful when an intern a few years from now has the same level of naivety and comes to you to learn.
18) Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes: I still vividly recall dumb mistakes I made as an intern/first year analyst. Hell, I still remember the dumb mistakes I made in middle school! It’s easier said than done, but try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s important to learn from mistakes, but make sure you learn to forgive yourself.
19) Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get the offer: This doesn’t mean you’re a flawed human. You may not have been ready yet, the standards of the firm may be unrealistically high, or (more likely than not) they may not actually have the ability to hire a full-time analyst and just wanted a cheap intern. Also, in 2023/2024 – the market sucks. M&A is grinding to a halt and high interest rates are hurting economic activity. Hell, the bank you intern at may not exist in a year. One job will not define you. If there are mistakes you think you can improve on, then recognize what they are and adapt.
20) It’s just a job. All this aside, remember, it’s just a job, not your life. A job is only a way to drive cash flow to fund your livelihood. That is it. You are young, you are energized, you are fungible – you will figure it out even if the path seems unclear sometimes.
That’s all! Best of luck!
submitted by KKshilling to IndianStockMarket [link] [comments]
First – advice for people with interns: Be nice and understanding to your intern.
To be honest, whether we like to admit it or not, this is how most of us came into the industry: A lot of us came into the industry thinking we knew more than we actually did because we read about it in a textbook, got good grades, and saw xyz finance meme. But the reality is a lot of us were vastly unprepared to be a value-added resource during the early stages of our career. One MD said to me once as a college senior “They don’t expect you to know anything. They’re hiring for someone who can learn as they go.” I didn’t realize this as a college senior, but after six months of working this became very obvious to me. Companies are hiring interns for their potential. Their potential comes from 1) having a good work ethic and 2) having a good attitude. As an intern, if you work hard and be pleasant to work with, then you’re going to win 9 times out of 10.
It's hard to remember, but there was a time where none of us had any clue what we were doing. Arguably, this continues on in your career and the humblest investors truly believe this. So look here’s my advice – sure interns be saying the darndest things sometimes – but let’s try to cut them slack, treat them fairly, and remember we were once in their same shoes?
Sure, if a Gen Z intern is out there being a jerk and snobbish, then maybe this isn’t valid, but if they’re hardworking, showing a lot of potential, and are super coachable then it is your job to help them develop into a potential asset at your firm.
Also – this is a relatively more “stressful” year for interns. College kids are always a lot more panicked about the job market than people who already have experience under their belt to begin with - but this economy isn’t lessening their worries. A lot of college kids are seeing the class of 2023 have offers pulled and enter a tougher job market. Now they’re starting to get spooked a bit and may feel a little out of control. Try your best to encourage and develop them – these guys are probably feeling a little like how the 2008-2009 grads felt, to a degree.
Okay – so here’s my 20 point list of recommendations for interns.
First - last year I started a debate over whether banking interns should take vacations in the middle of their internship….and people actually tried countering it. LMAO! I’m going to try this bit again sometime soon to get the people going and let’s still see people still think that while we’re on the precipice of a recession.
1) Be careful with social media. DO NOT MAKE TIKTOKS. Emphasizing this in all caps. There’s a reason all the Finmemes and FinTwit burners are anonymous and not dancing around on the internet. Most TikToks are very cringeworthy and seem to always find their way to HR once they go viral. People will 100% get fired over what they post to TikTok or Snapchat. Your TikToks are very likely to be spread to large audiences on Instagram or Twitter – which is totally fair game (you posted it, you gotta own what you post). With that said, if you ask nicely I’ll take a TikTok down, but other accounts openly will not. In general, don’t take your phone out and record or take photos of stuff, especially given all the sensitive materials we work with. Don’t post sensitive information from your computer on your IG story captioned “grinding hard” “working on the weekend like usual” or some shit.
2) Don’t take a week long vacation during a ten-week internship. Last year, I made this obvious remark on twitter, got a bunch of ppl in agreement, but also riled up a tonnnn of people on twitter (didn’t seem like the typical finance folk though) but it’s true. I want everyone reading this to succeed – which is why I’m telling this hard truth. Bosses in banking will frown upon you missing 10% of your learning experience to go vacation. You can always vacation before or after your internship (this is what I did lol). Remember as an intern, you are trying out for a sports team – you haven’t made the team yet, but you’re getting the chance to make the big leagues. Would you leave the team in the middle of preseason before the roster is finalized? Of course not. It’s that simple.
3) Dress the part without overdressing: You don’t want to wear a significantly oversized suit but you also shouldn’t be wearing Gucci loafers as an intern. Ideally you want to dress in a pretty standard way that isn’t drawing attention to yourself as someone who seems out of place. I’d lose any dress shirts with shirt pockets and I’m not a fan of oxford collars (this one may be too harsh but just my opinion). I just don’t think oxford collars go well with a tie and/or suit. Make sure your dress shirts aren’t wrinkled af. Obviously no Gordon Gekko dress shirts. In terms of shoes, Gucci loafers are frowned upon as an intern/first year because you haven’t really gone through the ringer, may be perceived as entitled, and hence don’t deserve this status symbol. This is the case for nice watches too. This is the perception from senior people, so ya, just wait until after a sick bonus and snag the more-status like attire after your first 1-3 years.
https://preview.redd.it/fq92pqseg63b1.png?width=717&format=png&auto=webp&s=2b02171dd0c4df030bfbc7b897ddb572cf050a5b
4) You want to look professional, this may mean having a professional haircut: Look – so if I see a Gen Z analyst with that typical Gen Z haircut (I later learned it’s called a “broccoli cut”) I do not take them seriously. I figured this was kind of mean of me, so I went to Twitter to confirm whether other people think this. In fact, they overwhelmingly agree. Older generations think the broccoli cut looks stupid as hell.
Again, it’s not about “what’s accepted” by your generation, it’s about what’s accepted (without being said obviously) within the workforce. Again, this is me speaking a hard truth. I’d like for HYH readers to be taken seriously – and I’m telling you a large amount of FinTwit just said this haircut below looks silly! Read the tea leaves.
https://preview.redd.it/bvgvzcuhg63b1.png?width=477&format=png&auto=webp&s=3ea98cc719152f926751f143066a562ac6421e13
5) Don’t make the same mistake twice: Easier said than done, but the people evaluating you are keeping tabs on whether you’re smart/teachable. They’ve been trained by this philosophy and are judging you by the same standards. If you make the same mistake twice, then they may perceive that you may not have the ability to retain information, learn from experience, etc. Tough, but this is true and happens constantly. I got screamed at once where my VP said “he asked this same question before!!” to a couple of MDs. Tbh the MDs didn’t really care, but wasn’t a great feeling. Try to keep tabs on what you’ve already asked and have been shown.
6) Don’t #REF the model or some important file: When you’re working in an excel model or PowerPoint on your own you should make a copy from the original just in case you totally #REF! the model. Create a copy of “ImportantModel” and name it “ImportantModelYourInitials”. That way if you do something really dumb (who knows, you may change something they don’t like), at least there’s a backup. Tbh you may need to keep doing this throughout the entirety of your career and should engrain this in yourself as a best practice.
7) Steve Schwarzman (Founder of Blackstone) once said this isn’t school – you need a 100% score. This is the most important lesson here. In college, an A is a mid-90s grade. In a famous YouTube video where Schwarzman greets the first year analyst class at Blackstone, he notes how only a 100 is acceptable and As/Bs are not. He says this was his biggest challenge when he was just starting out. I’d strongly recommend watching this video later when you’re done reading through my list. He spits absolute fire here.
8) WFH will happen later in your career….your internship isn’t the time to be remote: In 2021/2022 I got some pushback on this point, but look now! Finance firms have brought pretty much everyone back to the office and a large chunk of front office professionals are in five days a week. Obviously there’s plenty of people at three days a week and four days a week, but I don’t know anyone in finance with “one or two days or fully remote”. I’ve previously noted that I thought a bunch of people were making a mistake by moving to fully remote too soon in their careers. I thought remote workers would be the first to go in a downturn and that has played out a ton over the past year. A remote worker’s connectivity is lower than the people a manager may see around a water cooler. Obviously, someone outside of finance, someone who’s an absolute stud, or an entrepreneur can leverage remote work ofc. I personally don’t think your 20’s are a great time to be too focused on being remote first, and the focus should be on building a reputation first. Obviously your first job (your internship) is meant as mainly a learning experience and a great opportunity to learn from smart people! Therefore as long as those smart people are in the office, you should be there too. If the firm has a 3-4 day policy then you get to follow that, but if you have a couple notable people in 5 days a week, then I would suck it up and get in the office 5 days a week. Also, this may be a great way to differentiate yourself and get more one-on-one time while the rest of the office is empty. Also – you’re trying out for a team! Make the team!
9) Proofread constantly: The more you re-read the higher the probability of catching errors! I’m terrible at proofreading. My ADHD ass is bouncing around constantly and I always miss stuff – but hopefully you guys can do better than me. Some tips: A) read from beginning to end, B) read backwards (from end to beginning), C) say out loud what you’re proofreading under your breath, D) read on a different format (for ex. If you were proofreading in word, try proofreading again in a PDF format), and E) print out the end product and proofread on paper. You don’t have to do all 5…(I don’t)..but you should find a formula to proofread and over-read effectively.
10) Over-communicate: It’s okay if you say or email “Will do”, “sounds good” , or “On it” constantly – I would confirm receipt to every email your direct co-workers send you so the sender knows you’re attentive and understood their instructions. Over-communicating via responding to emails is the move because it allows the person delegating work to you to understand that they don’t have to hover over you. When someone who isn’t your staffer talks to you too, it might be helpful to bring up in conversation – “I’m working with Kevin on xyz deal” or “I’ve been helping with xyz”- this is a good way to show people that you’re 1) staying busy and 2) contributing and people actually know what you’re up to.
11) Write everything down: When someone is speaking to you there is an expectation that you should be taking notes. Would be brutal if you finish an assignment but forget one piece because you forgot and didn’t have that part written down. Part of writing everything down too is so you can review and refresh on the lessons you’ve learned from your internship. I’d recommend reading through the learnings you have written down once a week. And obviously, post internship you can reflect on what you’ve learned and have off hand in case you need it in another setting. On that note, if there’s anything interesting you wrote down or worked on that you need to reference going forward – make sure you grab it and take it with you before your final day. Not the cleanest advice I’m giving rn – but it’s something a lot of people do and post-internship you may regret forgetting to bring home your firm’s powerpoint shortcut pdf, a primer on covenant lite loans, or a certain sell-side research report. Just speaking facts.
https://preview.redd.it/ltqwpdrkg63b1.png?width=638&format=png&auto=webp&s=ced91af93b5499d0e44f258c374ae73f38e77f8a
12) Predict demands: This may be more for first-year analysts, but figuring out where you can add value and save people time is how you can justify your salary. For interns, it’s more about 1) learning experience, 2) being a good cultural fit, and 3) being teachable. But if you’re an intern tasked with “analyst like tasks” then I would try to take a step back and think of where you can add value. If someone senior asks you to do a task that seems recurring in nature, that’s a good place to take initiative going forward. Just confirm with them of course, that this is something recurring and something they want you to do, as you don’t want to accidentally mess something up or overstep. If you can get started on a task that you know someone is going to ask you to do anyways, go for it. Show that initiative.
13) Network with everyone, leave no stone unturned: I wouldn’t network with people immediately (you need to find your footing the first week or two) but it’s a mistake to not block off time to talk to every relevant person you can get in front of. Personalize your approaches and personalize your follow-ups, but recognize as an intern you’ll get a lot of flexibility to get in front of people that you may not be able to get in front of in a couple of years. Also make sure you chill with your fellow interns. Don’t be the person who doesn’t converse with the other interns. These are relationships that can become pretty important down the line as you will be able to pick each other’s brains as you navigate your early career. Also make sure you remember people’s names and don’t guess if you don’t know. If someone has a name that’s hard to spell – check their email first to make sure you spelled it right before firing it off. Last summer I got called the wrong name a few times by an intern on a different team. I didn’t bother correcting them, figuring it’s funnier to let them keep making the same mistake, and they looked like an idiot when they got it wrong in front of other people near the end of their internship
https://preview.redd.it/l9nm54fmg63b1.png?width=903&format=png&auto=webp&s=80a2be27ca070587d58a41ce270624d7d29ca2a2
14) Show this is where you want to work after graduation (even if that’s not true): Remember, you’re trying out for a sports team, make sure you show you want to join the big leagues. Look, you may even have to pretend you want to work there after graduation even if that’s a bold faced lie. If there’s murmurs you’re just using this internship as a stepping stone, you will be toast. You’ll have a year to shop for a better gig – just focus on securing the offer! Also – we’re probably about to enter a recession – don’t get cute! Get the job!
https://preview.redd.it/om9lnonng63b1.png?width=547&format=png&auto=webp&s=a4024053ba716b011164a996d23665ed376bd28f
15) Don’t get sloppy while drinking: This is very important. This isn’t college anymore. Bosses don’t care about how much you drink or how sick you are (I’ve made this mistake honestly). Keep your cool while drinking with colleagues and keep your cool if there’s an intern after party that follows a general work party. Again, this isn’t college, use your best judgement even when impaired.
16) Focus on what you can control, don’t focus on what you can’t control. This was really good advice I got from a MD. You have to accept some things are out of your control, which is tough for the personality types that know they can force a lot of their own future. If you put a lot of work in and are strategic, you can carve your own path forward, but there will still be external stuff out of your control that you can’t sweat over and will have to power through. Differentiating the two is crucial. But if there is something you can improve on that will impact your outcomes going forward, make sure you address that vs. incorrectly think it’s something you can’t control. Once you know what you can and cannot control you’ll be able to shape the path you want.
17) In hindsight you’ll realize you asked dumb questions/cared about the wrong stuff: You may realize over a few years that you panicked over stuff that didn’t matter. Try not to sweat it. It’s all part of the process. The stuff you read on WSO isn’t the bible. Just remember to be fair and helpful when an intern a few years from now has the same level of naivety and comes to you to learn.
18) Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes: I still vividly recall dumb mistakes I made as an intern/first year analyst. Hell, I still remember the dumb mistakes I made in middle school! It’s easier said than done, but try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s important to learn from mistakes, but make sure you learn to forgive yourself.
19) Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get the offer: This doesn’t mean you’re a flawed human. You may not have been ready yet, the standards of the firm may be unrealistically high, or (more likely than not) they may not actually have the ability to hire a full-time analyst and just wanted a cheap intern. Also, in 2023/2024 – the market sucks. M&A is grinding to a halt and high interest rates are hurting economic activity. Hell, the bank you intern at may not exist in a year. One job will not define you. If there are mistakes you think you can improve on, then recognize what they are and adapt.
20) It’s just a job. All this aside, remember, it’s just a job, not your life. A job is only a way to drive cash flow to fund your livelihood. That is it. You are young, you are energized, you are fungible – you will figure it out even if the path seems unclear sometimes.
That’s all! Best of luck!
2023.05.31 11:27 KKshilling Advice For Interns
 | Nailing Your Summer Finance Internship submitted by KKshilling to buildindia [link] [comments] I’ve been grinding away on a lot of writing on credit recruiting, advice for interns, and other career resources for junior peers in finance and have roughly 17,000 words written so far. This will steadily be coming out over the next few months – and we’re kicking it off today starting with advice for interns. My disclaimer for everything I’ll be writing is as follows – one person’s career advice may not be the perfect fit for you and you should combine the opinion of 5-10 people you respect and then determine what is YOUR best path. But alas, I’ve walked the path of being a bulge bracket intern, and have spent a lot of time thinking through the insight I can provide the interns and junior people that follow the account – and here’s what I’ve got. First – advice for people with interns: Be nice and understanding to your intern. To be honest, whether we like to admit it or not, this is how most of us came into the industry: A lot of us came into the industry thinking we knew more than we actually did because we read about it in a textbook, got good grades, and saw xyz finance meme. But the reality is a lot of us were vastly unprepared to be a value-added resource during the early stages of our career. One MD said to me once as a college senior “They don’t expect you to know anything. They’re hiring for someone who can learn as they go.” I didn’t realize this as a college senior, but after six months of working this became very obvious to me. Companies are hiring interns for their potential. Their potential comes from 1) having a good work ethic and 2) having a good attitude. As an intern, if you work hard and be pleasant to work with, then you’re going to win 9 times out of 10. It's hard to remember, but there was a time where none of us had any clue what we were doing. Arguably, this continues on in your career and the humblest investors truly believe this. So look here’s my advice – sure interns be saying the darndest things sometimes – but let’s try to cut them slack, treat them fairly, and remember we were once in their same shoes? Sure, if a Gen Z intern is out there being a jerk and snobbish, then maybe this isn’t valid, but if they’re hardworking, showing a lot of potential, and are super coachable then it is your job to help them develop into a potential asset at your firm. Also – this is a relatively more “stressful” year for interns. College kids are always a lot more panicked about the job market than people who already have experience under their belt to begin with - but this economy isn’t lessening their worries. A lot of college kids are seeing the class of 2023 have offers pulled and enter a tougher job market. Now they’re starting to get spooked a bit and may feel a little out of control. Try your best to encourage and develop them – these guys are probably feeling a little like how the 2008-2009 grads felt, to a degree. Okay – so here’s my 20 point list of recommendations for interns.First - last year I started a debate over whether banking interns should take vacations in the middle of their internship….and people actually tried countering it. LMAO! I’m going to try this bit again sometime soon to get the people going and let’s still see people still think that while we’re on the precipice of a recession.1) Be careful with social media. DO NOT MAKE TIKTOKS. Emphasizing this in all caps. There’s a reason all the Finmemes and FinTwit burners are anonymous and not dancing around on the internet. Most TikToks are very cringeworthy and seem to always find their way to HR once they go viral. People will 100% get fired over what they post to TikTok or Snapchat. Your TikToks are very likely to be spread to large audiences on Instagram or Twitter – which is totally fair game (you posted it, you gotta own what you post). With that said, if you ask nicely I’ll take a TikTok down, but other accounts openly will not. In general, don’t take your phone out and record or take photos of stuff, especially given all the sensitive materials we work with. Don’t post sensitive information from your computer on your IG story captioned “grinding hard” “working on the weekend like usual” or some shit. 2) Don’t take a week long vacation during a ten-week internship. Last year, I made this obvious remark on twitter, got a bunch of ppl in agreement, but also riled up a tonnnn of people on twitter (didn’t seem like the typical finance folk though) but it’s true. I want everyone reading this to succeed – which is why I’m telling this hard truth. Bosses in banking will frown upon you missing 10% of your learning experience to go vacation. You can always vacation before or after your internship (this is what I did lol). Remember as an intern, you are trying out for a sports team – you haven’t made the team yet, but you’re getting the chance to make the big leagues. Would you leave the team in the middle of preseason before the roster is finalized? Of course not. It’s that simple. 3) Dress the part without overdressing: You don’t want to wear a significantly oversized suit but you also shouldn’t be wearing Gucci loafers as an intern. Ideally you want to dress in a pretty standard way that isn’t drawing attention to yourself as someone who seems out of place. I’d lose any dress shirts with shirt pockets and I’m not a fan of oxford collars (this one may be too harsh but just my opinion). I just don’t think oxford collars go well with a tie and/or suit. Make sure your dress shirts aren’t wrinkled af. Obviously no Gordon Gekko dress shirts. In terms of shoes, Gucci loafers are frowned upon as an intern/first year because you haven’t really gone through the ringer, may be perceived as entitled, and hence don’t deserve this status symbol. This is the case for nice watches too. This is the perception from senior people, so ya, just wait until after a sick bonus and snag the more-status like attire after your first 1-3 years. https://preview.redd.it/gyj00avnf63b1.png?width=717&format=png&auto=webp&s=2df1c894ab232ba9b6ba4ea718ea90523238325b 4) You want to look professional, this may mean having a professional haircut: Look – so if I see a Gen Z analyst with that typical Gen Z haircut (I later learned it’s called a “broccoli cut”) I do not take them seriously. I figured this was kind of mean of me, so I went to Twitter to confirm whether other people think this. In fact, they overwhelmingly agree. Older generations think the broccoli cut looks stupid as hell. https://twitter.com/HighyieldHarry/status/1661733248471556097?s=20&utm_source=highyieldharry.beehiiv.com&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=advice-for-interns Again, it’s not about “what’s accepted” by your generation, it’s about what’s accepted (without being said obviously) within the workforce. Again, this is me speaking a hard truth. I’d like for HYH readers to be taken seriously – and I’m telling you a large amount of FinTwit just said this haircut below looks silly! Read the tea leaves. https://preview.redd.it/lc5xmsosf63b1.png?width=477&format=png&auto=webp&s=f635c2a9bc6d6fd70b20e5d0a74555f444da36aa 5) Don’t make the same mistake twice: Easier said than done, but the people evaluating you are keeping tabs on whether you’re smart/teachable. They’ve been trained by this philosophy and are judging you by the same standards. If you make the same mistake twice, then they may perceive that you may not have the ability to retain information, learn from experience, etc. Tough, but this is true and happens constantly. I got screamed at once where my VP said “he asked this same question before!!” to a couple of MDs. Tbh the MDs didn’t really care, but wasn’t a great feeling. Try to keep tabs on what you’ve already asked and have been shown. 6) Don’t #REF the model or some important file: When you’re working in an excel model or PowerPoint on your own you should make a copy from the original just in case you totally #REF! the model. Create a copy of “ImportantModel” and name it “ImportantModelYourInitials”. That way if you do something really dumb (who knows, you may change something they don’t like), at least there’s a backup. Tbh you may need to keep doing this throughout the entirety of your career and should engrain this in yourself as a best practice. 7) Steve Schwarzman (Founder of Blackstone) once said this isn’t school – you need a 100% score. This is the most important lesson here. In college, an A is a mid-90s grade. In a famous YouTube video where Schwarzman greets the first year analyst class at Blackstone, he notes how only a 100 is acceptable and As/Bs are not. He says this was his biggest challenge when he was just starting out. I’d strongly recommend watching this video later when you’re done reading through my list. He spits absolute fire here. 8) WFH will happen later in your career….your internship isn’t the time to be remote: In 2021/2022 I got some pushback on this point, but look now! Finance firms have brought pretty much everyone back to the office and a large chunk of front office professionals are in five days a week. Obviously there’s plenty of people at three days a week and four days a week, but I don’t know anyone in finance with “one or two days or fully remote”. I’ve previously noted that I thought a bunch of people were making a mistake by moving to fully remote too soon in their careers. I thought remote workers would be the first to go in a downturn and that has played out a ton over the past year. A remote worker’s connectivity is lower than the people a manager may see around a water cooler. Obviously, someone outside of finance, someone who’s an absolute stud, or an entrepreneur can leverage remote work ofc. I personally don’t think your 20’s are a great time to be too focused on being remote first, and the focus should be on building a reputation first. Obviously your first job (your internship) is meant as mainly a learning experience and a great opportunity to learn from smart people! Therefore as long as those smart people are in the office, you should be there too. If the firm has a 3-4 day policy then you get to follow that, but if you have a couple notable people in 5 days a week, then I would suck it up and get in the office 5 days a week. Also, this may be a great way to differentiate yourself and get more one-on-one time while the rest of the office is empty. Also – you’re trying out for a team! Make the team! 9) Proofread constantly: The more you re-read the higher the probability of catching errors! I’m terrible at proofreading. My ADHD ass is bouncing around constantly and I always miss stuff – but hopefully you guys can do better than me. Some tips: A) read from beginning to end, B) read backwards (from end to beginning), C) say out loud what you’re proofreading under your breath, D) read on a different format (for ex. If you were proofreading in word, try proofreading again in a PDF format), and E) print out the end product and proofread on paper. You don’t have to do all 5…(I don’t)..but you should find a formula to proofread and over-read effectively. 10) Over-communicate: It’s okay if you say or email “Will do”, “sounds good” , or “On it” constantly – I would confirm receipt to every email your direct co-workers send you so the sender knows you’re attentive and understood their instructions. Over-communicating via responding to emails is the move because it allows the person delegating work to you to understand that they don’t have to hover over you. When someone who isn’t your staffer talks to you too, it might be helpful to bring up in conversation – “I’m working with Kevin on xyz deal” or “I’ve been helping with xyz”- this is a good way to show people that you’re 1) staying busy and 2) contributing and people actually know what you’re up to. 11) Write everything down: When someone is speaking to you there is an expectation that you should be taking notes. Would be brutal if you finish an assignment but forget one piece because you forgot and didn’t have that part written down. Part of writing everything down too is so you can review and refresh on the lessons you’ve learned from your internship. I’d recommend reading through the learnings you have written down once a week. And obviously, post internship you can reflect on what you’ve learned and have off hand in case you need it in another setting. On that note, if there’s anything interesting you wrote down or worked on that you need to reference going forward – make sure you grab it and take it with you before your final day. Not the cleanest advice I’m giving rn – but it’s something a lot of people do and post-internship you may regret forgetting to bring home your firm’s powerpoint shortcut pdf, a primer on covenant lite loans, or a certain sell-side research report. Just speaking facts. https://preview.redd.it/n0bct2xuf63b1.png?width=638&format=png&auto=webp&s=31a0a8ef62c89f4f99e1d960b7f78b0d3bb30712 12) Predict demands: This may be more for first-year analysts, but figuring out where you can add value and save people time is how you can justify your salary. For interns, it’s more about 1) learning experience, 2) being a good cultural fit, and 3) being teachable. But if you’re an intern tasked with “analyst like tasks” then I would try to take a step back and think of where you can add value. If someone senior asks you to do a task that seems recurring in nature, that’s a good place to take initiative going forward. Just confirm with them of course, that this is something recurring and something they want you to do, as you don’t want to accidentally mess something up or overstep. If you can get started on a task that you know someone is going to ask you to do anyways, go for it. Show that initiative. 13) Network with everyone, leave no stone unturned: I wouldn’t network with people immediately (you need to find your footing the first week or two) but it’s a mistake to not block off time to talk to every relevant person you can get in front of. Personalize your approaches and personalize your follow-ups, but recognize as an intern you’ll get a lot of flexibility to get in front of people that you may not be able to get in front of in a couple of years. Also make sure you chill with your fellow interns. Don’t be the person who doesn’t converse with the other interns. These are relationships that can become pretty important down the line as you will be able to pick each other’s brains as you navigate your early career. Also make sure you remember people’s names and don’t guess if you don’t know. If someone has a name that’s hard to spell – check their email first to make sure you spelled it right before firing it off. Last summer I got called the wrong name a few times by an intern on a different team. I didn’t bother correcting them, figuring it’s funnier to let them keep making the same mistake, and they looked like an idiot when they got it wrong in front of other people near the end of their internship. https://preview.redd.it/l9omkhewf63b1.png?width=903&format=png&auto=webp&s=b879fa1757f81539b8fb5b83d3977ce62a2e12c2 14) Show this is where you want to work after graduation (even if that’s not true): Remember, you’re trying out for a sports team, make sure you show you want to join the big leagues. Look, you may even have to pretend you want to work there after graduation even if that’s a bold faced lie. If there’s murmurs you’re just using this internship as a stepping stone, you will be toast. You’ll have a year to shop for a better gig – just focus on securing the offer! Also – we’re probably about to enter a recession – don’t get cute! Get the job! https://preview.redd.it/26wl522yf63b1.png?width=547&format=png&auto=webp&s=bc9249d0a23f5945f4bbf310e71323242073e58f 15) Don’t get sloppy while drinking: This is very important. This isn’t college anymore. Bosses don’t care about how much you drink or how sick you are (I’ve made this mistake honestly). Keep your cool while drinking with colleagues and keep your cool if there’s an intern after party that follows a general work party. Again, this isn’t college, use your best judgement even when impaired. 16) Focus on what you can control, don’t focus on what you can’t control. This was really good advice I got from a MD. You have to accept some things are out of your control, which is tough for the personality types that know they can force a lot of their own future. If you put a lot of work in and are strategic, you can carve your own path forward, but there will still be external stuff out of your control that you can’t sweat over and will have to power through. Differentiating the two is crucial. But if there is something you can improve on that will impact your outcomes going forward, make sure you address that vs. incorrectly think it’s something you can’t control. Once you know what you can and cannot control you’ll be able to shape the path you want. 17) In hindsight you’ll realize you asked dumb questions/cared about the wrong stuff: You may realize over a few years that you panicked over stuff that didn’t matter. Try not to sweat it. It’s all part of the process. The stuff you read on WSO isn’t the bible. Just remember to be fair and helpful when an intern a few years from now has the same level of naivety and comes to you to learn. 18) Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes: I still vividly recall dumb mistakes I made as an intern/first year analyst. Hell, I still remember the dumb mistakes I made in middle school! It’s easier said than done, but try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s important to learn from mistakes, but make sure you learn to forgive yourself. 19) Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get the offer: This doesn’t mean you’re a flawed human. You may not have been ready yet, the standards of the firm may be unrealistically high, or (more likely than not) they may not actually have the ability to hire a full-time analyst and just wanted a cheap intern. Also, in 2023/2024 – the market sucks. M&A is grinding to a halt and high interest rates are hurting economic activity. Hell, the bank you intern at may not exist in a year. One job will not define you. If there are mistakes you think you can improve on, then recognize what they are and adapt. 20) It’s just a job. All this aside, remember, it’s just a job, not your life. A job is only a way to drive cash flow to fund your livelihood. That is it. You are young, you are energized, you are fungible – you will figure it out even if the path seems unclear sometimes. That’s all! Best of luck! |
2023.05.31 01:28 Mean_Glove_5080 I don't know what to do next
I (M16) fell for a girl (F16), and have been lovestruck for the better part of 2-3 years, slightly at first, but slowly i fell madly in love with this girl. Her smile, her laugh, the way she talked. She was like a dream. We talked all day into the wee hours of the morning, We snapchated, texted, sent eachother tiktoks, it was so blissful. She introduced me to her friends, eho quickly became our friends. Which was the worst. These people were so amazing. I was so worried that if i asked her out, not only would we lose what we had, but i would lose the best friends i have ever had. So i beared the weight of unreciprocated love.
She got together with one of our mutual friends who i have known since kindergarten. I was broken, lost, not knowing what to do with my life. I was broken for months, it was the lowest point in my life yet. But i started to feel better. I never stopped loving her, but i grew, i started to love me. I found that i didnt need a girl to make me happy when i had myself. That was until they broke up. I was so happy, they broke up because they both just fell out of love with each other. She the night of texted me and asked if we could talk. She told me that she realized what she did to me and was so sorry. She said that if she could go back and stop herself she would have.
(OP) "It's not like anything you did or even tried to do, i've spent the last few months of my life so happy that you were back in my life, it's been amazing. But I was scared the entire time that I would fall for you again. I don't know what it is about you but you have the biggest grip on my emotions. I love you so much, but its hard because I never wanted to harm the relationship we have. So it feels like i'm stuck being in love with someone who doesn't see me that way. I was scared that if I told you, you wouldn't be in my life anymore. It's gotten to the point where I tried to distance myself from you to hopefully curb some of my feelings for you but it didn't work. The last thing I would want is for you to tell me you love me back, but it's just because you don't want our relationship to be hurt, that you don't really love me. I've been scared of getting hurt, but since the last thing I want is to put you in a situation where you had to make a decision, I just kinda bottled it up. You didn't do anything, none of this is your fault. I don't want you to feel guilty if you don't see me the way I see you, it's ok."
(F)“is that what you've been doing these past few weeks? i thought i did something and it got put into the wrong way. and op if only you knew how i felt about you these past few weeks, i think it was like the end of april when i realized you were distancing but i also realized that i always had feelings for you of course i love you as a bestfriend and even more and you're also correct, i don't want our friendship to go wrong in the future you know you never know maybe this works but in years from now what if something bad happens other couples don't last very long but i believe that we always know what to say to eachother no matter what happens and i'm sorry it's taken me so long to say it but i needed to figure out more about my feelings and myself i'm gonna let you respond first before i go on but yeah surprise ?”
(OP) "I dont even know how to respond... i dont want to push you into anything like with us because the last thing i think i would ever want to do is to ruin myself in your eyes. I think that alot of relationships at pur age dont last, but i know that there is nothing that i would ever do to hurt you, you are everything in my eyes."
(F) “i don't know what to do atm but i suggest we don't push things for now and just give it more time ... and no more distancing yourself from me 😠” " please"
After 2 years, there was finally some validation for my feelings, i waited for about a week to think about what i was feeling. She told me that she doesnt like her favorite starbuck drink anymore, so i suggested that we go to starbucks and try some new ones, and she was excited, so we planned to go out on the weekend. She cancelled on me, she said that her mom is forcing her and her sibilings to go to a neighboring town and go shopping for the day, i was obviously saddend by this, but im trying to not let it get me down. I just dont really know what to do next. Any advice that you could give would be greatly appreciated.
submitted by Mean_Glove_5080 to Advice [link] [comments]
She got together with one of our mutual friends who i have known since kindergarten. I was broken, lost, not knowing what to do with my life. I was broken for months, it was the lowest point in my life yet. But i started to feel better. I never stopped loving her, but i grew, i started to love me. I found that i didnt need a girl to make me happy when i had myself. That was until they broke up. I was so happy, they broke up because they both just fell out of love with each other. She the night of texted me and asked if we could talk. She told me that she realized what she did to me and was so sorry. She said that if she could go back and stop herself she would have.
(OP) "It's not like anything you did or even tried to do, i've spent the last few months of my life so happy that you were back in my life, it's been amazing. But I was scared the entire time that I would fall for you again. I don't know what it is about you but you have the biggest grip on my emotions. I love you so much, but its hard because I never wanted to harm the relationship we have. So it feels like i'm stuck being in love with someone who doesn't see me that way. I was scared that if I told you, you wouldn't be in my life anymore. It's gotten to the point where I tried to distance myself from you to hopefully curb some of my feelings for you but it didn't work. The last thing I would want is for you to tell me you love me back, but it's just because you don't want our relationship to be hurt, that you don't really love me. I've been scared of getting hurt, but since the last thing I want is to put you in a situation where you had to make a decision, I just kinda bottled it up. You didn't do anything, none of this is your fault. I don't want you to feel guilty if you don't see me the way I see you, it's ok."
(F)“is that what you've been doing these past few weeks? i thought i did something and it got put into the wrong way. and op if only you knew how i felt about you these past few weeks, i think it was like the end of april when i realized you were distancing but i also realized that i always had feelings for you of course i love you as a bestfriend and even more and you're also correct, i don't want our friendship to go wrong in the future you know you never know maybe this works but in years from now what if something bad happens other couples don't last very long but i believe that we always know what to say to eachother no matter what happens and i'm sorry it's taken me so long to say it but i needed to figure out more about my feelings and myself i'm gonna let you respond first before i go on but yeah surprise ?”
(OP) "I dont even know how to respond... i dont want to push you into anything like with us because the last thing i think i would ever want to do is to ruin myself in your eyes. I think that alot of relationships at pur age dont last, but i know that there is nothing that i would ever do to hurt you, you are everything in my eyes."
(F) “i don't know what to do atm but i suggest we don't push things for now and just give it more time ... and no more distancing yourself from me 😠” " please"
After 2 years, there was finally some validation for my feelings, i waited for about a week to think about what i was feeling. She told me that she doesnt like her favorite starbuck drink anymore, so i suggested that we go to starbucks and try some new ones, and she was excited, so we planned to go out on the weekend. She cancelled on me, she said that her mom is forcing her and her sibilings to go to a neighboring town and go shopping for the day, i was obviously saddend by this, but im trying to not let it get me down. I just dont really know what to do next. Any advice that you could give would be greatly appreciated.
2023.05.30 21:47 Prestigious_Ad_5581 Tips for blocking all scammers
I was recently scammed by a group most likely from Nigeria, through Snapchat. I talked to them over the phone and said the usual line "I will ruin your life! I will fuck you up!" I blocked them on all social media, but no matter how many accounts and phone numbers I blocked, they still found me through other fake accounts and kept calling my phone number.
Here's a tip to block ALL unidentified numbers in Android phones: Tap the Phone app icon Tap the 3 dotted lines on right hand corner of screen Settings Blocked Numbers Select the Unknown slider to the right
This activates a blocker that will stop the spamming of calls and texts from all unknown numbers that the scammers use. You may still get spam calls from car warranty and medicare rewards people, but at least you will be free from these sextortionists!
Now all you have to do is go completely private in all social media and change your name, contact info and profile picture. For me personally, I deactivated my Facebook/Instagram and changed my name on LinkedIn.
Lastly, you can Google your own name and see if any of your information comes up on the search results. If it does come up with anything, just go to that social media site and change your information temporarily.
submitted by Prestigious_Ad_5581 to Sextortion [link] [comments]
Here's a tip to block ALL unidentified numbers in Android phones: Tap the Phone app icon Tap the 3 dotted lines on right hand corner of screen Settings Blocked Numbers Select the Unknown slider to the right
This activates a blocker that will stop the spamming of calls and texts from all unknown numbers that the scammers use. You may still get spam calls from car warranty and medicare rewards people, but at least you will be free from these sextortionists!
Now all you have to do is go completely private in all social media and change your name, contact info and profile picture. For me personally, I deactivated my Facebook/Instagram and changed my name on LinkedIn.
Lastly, you can Google your own name and see if any of your information comes up on the search results. If it does come up with anything, just go to that social media site and change your information temporarily.
2023.05.30 16:12 YellowGecko0 Have I failed as a mother?
Without going into too much detail… I’m 34 and have a 16, 14, 10, and 1 month old.
I honestly feel like I’m failing as a mom… no matter how hard I try or how present I am it doesn’t seem to matter.
When my two oldest was young I was a single mother, their dad left and has never looked back. Of course they were too young to remember as they were 2 and newborn.
Come 4 yrs later I met my now husband and they know him as their dad. We now have 2 other kids who are 10 and newborn.
We’re not the perfect family and we’re not rich by any means… we live very modestly. I’m not able to buy them everything they want but I try. We also have good values and morals. Their dad works full time and I’m a stay at home mom. I’ve always been present doing fun activities or just spending time with them. I’m an easy going mom and I want them to be able to confide in for anything and talk to me about anything. I also don’t do drugs or drink.
I was heartbroken to find a note in my daughters room( 14 yr old) saying she wanted to commit s**cide. And the note went on to say she’s a crap person and all her friends hate her. I’m heartbroken :( this has happened before and she’s been through many counseling sessions. I also caught her sending photos to strangers on Snapchat—- and she is no longer allowed to own a phone.
I’ve told her many times how much I love her and I’ve even taken the time to spend extra attention on her… it’s not working.
Then my oldest son(16) never changes his clothes hardly ever—- he’s got a closet full of clothes and only wears 3 outfits. It’s hot outside and he refuses to take his hoody off. I have to get on him about clipping his nails and just simple hygiene. I will say he is indeed a straight A student and will probably graduate early but he’s socially awkward. He’s never been invited to stay the night anywhere and he’s never been to a birthday party (except for his own and siblings). He doesn’t even want to go outside in the summer—- just wants to play video games.
My 10 yr old son is autistic and screams a lot—- he cusses and acts like a toddler. I had to block some YouTube channels and stuff on his oculus because he started saying weird things like “moms got big b00bs!” And then he’d break out laughing. So he’s joking but I still tell him that’s inappropriate and weird but he doesn’t get it! I’ve put him in time out and have taken things away and he still does weird things!
I just feel like I did something wrong somewhere and I’m not sure what :( it’s eating me up and depressing me…. Their dad is getting frustrated as well.
What can we do? This could be normal kid/teen stuff but I still worry. Any advice or people that have went through this please tell me your stories
submitted by YellowGecko0 to Parenting [link] [comments]
I honestly feel like I’m failing as a mom… no matter how hard I try or how present I am it doesn’t seem to matter.
When my two oldest was young I was a single mother, their dad left and has never looked back. Of course they were too young to remember as they were 2 and newborn.
Come 4 yrs later I met my now husband and they know him as their dad. We now have 2 other kids who are 10 and newborn.
We’re not the perfect family and we’re not rich by any means… we live very modestly. I’m not able to buy them everything they want but I try. We also have good values and morals. Their dad works full time and I’m a stay at home mom. I’ve always been present doing fun activities or just spending time with them. I’m an easy going mom and I want them to be able to confide in for anything and talk to me about anything. I also don’t do drugs or drink.
I was heartbroken to find a note in my daughters room( 14 yr old) saying she wanted to commit s**cide. And the note went on to say she’s a crap person and all her friends hate her. I’m heartbroken :( this has happened before and she’s been through many counseling sessions. I also caught her sending photos to strangers on Snapchat—- and she is no longer allowed to own a phone.
I’ve told her many times how much I love her and I’ve even taken the time to spend extra attention on her… it’s not working.
Then my oldest son(16) never changes his clothes hardly ever—- he’s got a closet full of clothes and only wears 3 outfits. It’s hot outside and he refuses to take his hoody off. I have to get on him about clipping his nails and just simple hygiene. I will say he is indeed a straight A student and will probably graduate early but he’s socially awkward. He’s never been invited to stay the night anywhere and he’s never been to a birthday party (except for his own and siblings). He doesn’t even want to go outside in the summer—- just wants to play video games.
My 10 yr old son is autistic and screams a lot—- he cusses and acts like a toddler. I had to block some YouTube channels and stuff on his oculus because he started saying weird things like “moms got big b00bs!” And then he’d break out laughing. So he’s joking but I still tell him that’s inappropriate and weird but he doesn’t get it! I’ve put him in time out and have taken things away and he still does weird things!
I just feel like I did something wrong somewhere and I’m not sure what :( it’s eating me up and depressing me…. Their dad is getting frustrated as well.
What can we do? This could be normal kid/teen stuff but I still worry. Any advice or people that have went through this please tell me your stories
2023.05.30 12:29 Fit-Comfortable-6031 How to see what someone is doing on their phone.
You may have encountered a situation in your or someone else's life and you want to determine your loyalty to others. This is why people increasingly need to know how to monitor their partners without their knowledge. [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
TrackerCell Phone SpyEmail TrackerSocial Media MonitoringHack AndroidHack iPhoneSMS TrackerCall TrackerEmployee Monitoring SoftwareKeylogger SoftwareParenting HacksMessaging AppsTrack PhoneMonitor AndroidSpy WhatsAppSnapchat MonitoringFacebook MonitoringWhatsApp Spy
How to Spy on Someone's Phone Without Them Knowing
What does it mean to spy on someone’s cell phone? Have you ever tried spying on someone’s cell phone? Do you know how to spy someone's phone without them knowing for free? Certainly, you must have tried to spy on someone’s cell phone at some point in your lives. There could be several reasons for you to try that.
You may want to spy on someone’s cell phone but the fear of getting caught may cause hindrance in your way. However, what if we tell you that you can spy on someone’s cell phone without having the fear of getting caught? Yes, let’s talk about the method that allows you to spy on someone’s phone without them knowing. Also, let us know how to spy on someone's phone without them knowing.
There are so many reasons that lead to this approach. You might want to know what your kids are doing on the phone, with whom are they talking and what type of conversations are they having. Information like this is very important to gather when you realize how much dangers are there on social media for the kids. But, sometimes kids are stubborn enough to not to let it happen so in that case you need a spy phone software that can help you with secretly monitoring them. [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
In this post, we will be throwing light on the method that teaches us how to spy on someone's phone without them knowing for free. Using this method, you will be able to secretly spy on someone’s cell phone and have insight into their cell phone activity without having the fear of getting caught.
Spy on Someone’s Phone Secretly
People usually intend to spy on someone’s phone activity only during emergencies or when they want to make sure their loved ones stay safe. Your children and partners are the most important people in your life whose safety matters to you.
You would never want your loved ones to feel unsafe on the internet and would not want them to get involved in inappropriate activities online. But since it is practically impossible for you to be around them all the time as you are busy working and earning money for them, you end up worrying about your loved ones, thinking whether or not they are safe online.
Instead of stressing about the safety of your loved ones on the internet, you should adopt a method that can help you monitor their online activity and see if they are facing any trouble on the internet. The method should make you learn how to spy on someone's phone without them knowing for free. This will help you free yourself from unnecessary stress so you can focus on your work without having to worry about their safety. [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Monitoring your children’s cell phone activity with the help of a spy phone app may seem unsafe to many parents as they fear their children will detect the presence of an app installed on their phone. Once they find out about the app, their trust on the parents will get broken and they will feel offended.
Parents may not want to ham their children intentionally but once children find out about the monitoring app, they may feel hurt. This could be one of the reasons why most parents fear from using a cell phone monitoring app.
The best way is to use a good spy phone software that can keep your monitoring secretive and your kids can never find out. The more you know about their activities, the better you can do to protect them. However, the fear of making them feel betrayed never gets old and sometimes kids respond to this very harshly. So, make sure that you are know what you are doing and you have solid grounds to do it.
Having said that, let us assure you that your child won’t be able to find out about Nerd Hack team on their cell phone because the app stays hidden on their phone and cannot be detected by them under any circumstance. With the help of Nerd Hack team, you can spy on someone’s device without having the fear of getting caught. The app will also let you learn how to spy on someone's phone without them knowing for free.
How to Spy on Someone's Phone Without Them Knowing for Free
Nerd hack team lets you spy on someone’s cell phone without them knowing. The app also teaches you how to spy on someone's phone without them knowing for free. This monitoring app remains 100% hidden and undetectable on the target person’s cell phone. This is the reason why the majority of parents are turning towards Nerd Hack team because the app stays hidden on their child’s cell phone.
By downloading and installing the app on your child’s phone, you will experience no harm to their device as the app is completely safe and secure to use. You can use this monitoring app for various reasons. For instance, if you want to track your child’s whereabouts or want to have information about their web browsing activity, you can install this app on their cell phone.
To develop more trust on this app, you can read the user reviews on the Google Play Store and Apple store and also read all about the app on its official website. [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) If you do not feel satisfied with the service of this app, you can uninstall the app and claim for your money. However, if you do feel satisfied with the service, you can continue using the app. After the app is installed on the target’s cell phone, you need to hide the app’s icon from the Application list of their cell phone.
For this, you need to get hands on their cell phone, especially if they are using an Android phone. For iOS devices, no physical access to the target phone is required. You just need their iTunes credentials to monitor their cell phone. So if you are wondering how can I spy on a cell phone without installing software on the target phone then you can consider using Nerd Hack team
After hiding the app’s icon on your target’s Android phone, you can sit and relax because your target person won’t be able to detect the app on their cell phone. Using your account credentials, you can log into your online dashboard from where you can remotely track someone’s cell phone activity.
We would like to conclude by saying that Nerd Hack team is really helpful for parents because it helps them protect their children on the internet. Moreover, it helps people ensure they are not being cheated on by their partners.
Parents can use this monitoring app without their children knowing anything about it. With this app, they can learn how to spy someone's phone without them knowing for free. This way, children won’t be able to lose trust in their parents and won’t misunderstand them. Telling your kids about the monitoring app will offend them because most kids do not want their parents to invade their privacy.
So, it’s better if you keep the monitoring app a secret from them and continue to spy on their cell phone activity without them knowing. It doesn’t matter if you are at work or home because Nerd Hack team lets you spy on your child’s cell phone from anywhere and at any time.
This is the biggest relief about using good spy phone software that you are never blind to whatever they are doing. You will always know what they are doing no matter where you are. Also, you don’t need to be hovering over their heads to know what they are doing. A simple app can make your life easier and help you protect everyone you love.
In a world where online threats have become prevalent, we need to stick to solutions that can help our loved ones feel safe on the internet. Your loved ones need to feel safe not only in the offline world but online as well. We hope now you know how to spy someone's phone without them knowing for free.
Contact: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
submitted by Fit-Comfortable-6031 to u/Fit-Comfortable-6031 [link] [comments]
TrackerCell Phone SpyEmail TrackerSocial Media MonitoringHack AndroidHack iPhoneSMS TrackerCall TrackerEmployee Monitoring SoftwareKeylogger SoftwareParenting HacksMessaging AppsTrack PhoneMonitor AndroidSpy WhatsAppSnapchat MonitoringFacebook MonitoringWhatsApp Spy
How to Spy on Someone's Phone Without Them Knowing
What does it mean to spy on someone’s cell phone? Have you ever tried spying on someone’s cell phone? Do you know how to spy someone's phone without them knowing for free? Certainly, you must have tried to spy on someone’s cell phone at some point in your lives. There could be several reasons for you to try that.
You may want to spy on someone’s cell phone but the fear of getting caught may cause hindrance in your way. However, what if we tell you that you can spy on someone’s cell phone without having the fear of getting caught? Yes, let’s talk about the method that allows you to spy on someone’s phone without them knowing. Also, let us know how to spy on someone's phone without them knowing.
There are so many reasons that lead to this approach. You might want to know what your kids are doing on the phone, with whom are they talking and what type of conversations are they having. Information like this is very important to gather when you realize how much dangers are there on social media for the kids. But, sometimes kids are stubborn enough to not to let it happen so in that case you need a spy phone software that can help you with secretly monitoring them. [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
In this post, we will be throwing light on the method that teaches us how to spy on someone's phone without them knowing for free. Using this method, you will be able to secretly spy on someone’s cell phone and have insight into their cell phone activity without having the fear of getting caught.
Spy on Someone’s Phone Secretly
People usually intend to spy on someone’s phone activity only during emergencies or when they want to make sure their loved ones stay safe. Your children and partners are the most important people in your life whose safety matters to you.
You would never want your loved ones to feel unsafe on the internet and would not want them to get involved in inappropriate activities online. But since it is practically impossible for you to be around them all the time as you are busy working and earning money for them, you end up worrying about your loved ones, thinking whether or not they are safe online.
Instead of stressing about the safety of your loved ones on the internet, you should adopt a method that can help you monitor their online activity and see if they are facing any trouble on the internet. The method should make you learn how to spy on someone's phone without them knowing for free. This will help you free yourself from unnecessary stress so you can focus on your work without having to worry about their safety. [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Monitoring your children’s cell phone activity with the help of a spy phone app may seem unsafe to many parents as they fear their children will detect the presence of an app installed on their phone. Once they find out about the app, their trust on the parents will get broken and they will feel offended.
Parents may not want to ham their children intentionally but once children find out about the monitoring app, they may feel hurt. This could be one of the reasons why most parents fear from using a cell phone monitoring app.
The best way is to use a good spy phone software that can keep your monitoring secretive and your kids can never find out. The more you know about their activities, the better you can do to protect them. However, the fear of making them feel betrayed never gets old and sometimes kids respond to this very harshly. So, make sure that you are know what you are doing and you have solid grounds to do it.
Having said that, let us assure you that your child won’t be able to find out about Nerd Hack team on their cell phone because the app stays hidden on their phone and cannot be detected by them under any circumstance. With the help of Nerd Hack team, you can spy on someone’s device without having the fear of getting caught. The app will also let you learn how to spy on someone's phone without them knowing for free.
How to Spy on Someone's Phone Without Them Knowing for Free
Nerd hack team lets you spy on someone’s cell phone without them knowing. The app also teaches you how to spy on someone's phone without them knowing for free. This monitoring app remains 100% hidden and undetectable on the target person’s cell phone. This is the reason why the majority of parents are turning towards Nerd Hack team because the app stays hidden on their child’s cell phone.
By downloading and installing the app on your child’s phone, you will experience no harm to their device as the app is completely safe and secure to use. You can use this monitoring app for various reasons. For instance, if you want to track your child’s whereabouts or want to have information about their web browsing activity, you can install this app on their cell phone.
To develop more trust on this app, you can read the user reviews on the Google Play Store and Apple store and also read all about the app on its official website. [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) If you do not feel satisfied with the service of this app, you can uninstall the app and claim for your money. However, if you do feel satisfied with the service, you can continue using the app. After the app is installed on the target’s cell phone, you need to hide the app’s icon from the Application list of their cell phone.
For this, you need to get hands on their cell phone, especially if they are using an Android phone. For iOS devices, no physical access to the target phone is required. You just need their iTunes credentials to monitor their cell phone. So if you are wondering how can I spy on a cell phone without installing software on the target phone then you can consider using Nerd Hack team
After hiding the app’s icon on your target’s Android phone, you can sit and relax because your target person won’t be able to detect the app on their cell phone. Using your account credentials, you can log into your online dashboard from where you can remotely track someone’s cell phone activity.
We would like to conclude by saying that Nerd Hack team is really helpful for parents because it helps them protect their children on the internet. Moreover, it helps people ensure they are not being cheated on by their partners.
Parents can use this monitoring app without their children knowing anything about it. With this app, they can learn how to spy someone's phone without them knowing for free. This way, children won’t be able to lose trust in their parents and won’t misunderstand them. Telling your kids about the monitoring app will offend them because most kids do not want their parents to invade their privacy.
So, it’s better if you keep the monitoring app a secret from them and continue to spy on their cell phone activity without them knowing. It doesn’t matter if you are at work or home because Nerd Hack team lets you spy on your child’s cell phone from anywhere and at any time.
This is the biggest relief about using good spy phone software that you are never blind to whatever they are doing. You will always know what they are doing no matter where you are. Also, you don’t need to be hovering over their heads to know what they are doing. A simple app can make your life easier and help you protect everyone you love.
In a world where online threats have become prevalent, we need to stick to solutions that can help our loved ones feel safe on the internet. Your loved ones need to feel safe not only in the offline world but online as well. We hope now you know how to spy someone's phone without them knowing for free.
Contact: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
2023.05.30 10:44 Amazing-Salary6558 Warning to men who find her tinder and look her up Not back the blue or republicans or gossip.No one hacked into Adrielles twitter/socials to somehow date & place a tweet with the n work in 2017 or her Reddit account to post asking what to do w a crush on a minor.
SHE posted those then she deleted the tweet claiming twitter removed the tweet when When twitter allows the n word as Elon says it’s freedom of speech. If youre a guy from tinder she’s prob posts ur pics and convos and Also this is a woman to run from unless you want her to share your sex details and want to risk an std from someone who’s publicly sharing them needing plan b and how all these men hit and quit it or she meets a strange man in a bar who was touching her feet the moment he met her .. so she hopped in his car and her took her to a public park to ram her bent over on a tree … or the details she’s shared of these men saying they love her . She met one guy literally hung once in CA she came back saying she’s w someone and loves them .. and he said he loves her all while he was not even calling or texting her nor did he go to Chicago w her . She sure did post 765 videos ab him and how she loved him and then when he slept w another woman , she posted that too. She’s a liability, and eats like a hog - no manners. She smells horribly and since she doesn’t see a OBGYN you don’t want to risk dipping into the smelly swamp … or risk her being upset and posting how u hooked up w an old lady … I guarantee you that woman she called old is far more cultured and attractive! She will call u her bf when ur not and accuse u of making snark pages to stalk her … and then make videos towards ur gf … bc Adrielle is just a easy lay her lack of respect for herself and others is as evident as her lack of self awareness… no one wants to date her no one takes her seriously bc she’s pathetic racist and you’ll be connected to somebody who is publicly, shared that they’re a child predator and had a crush on a junior high boy. Stay away from this person there’s literally a risk and dangerous, even though she ask is, if men are always annoying her and disrespecting her… She in fact is that after somebody blocked her from their phone she just went to a bar. She knew this guy frequent then he was nice to her with his friend, but clearly was distant as well. She was all over him, and then another guy who she like, barked in his face and tried to headbutt him… He asked her if she always does that… She said yeah, the people I want to fuck… Gross and creepy. He ran away from her and rejected her to the guy that she stopped. Quite literally she went early in the day to sit at this bar all day until he showed up then she was all over him very annoyingly, spinning in chairs and singing loud and like literally screaming in his face he didn’t want to kiss her so she took her yellow smelly tongue out of her mouth that is infested with plaque Raden yellow brown teeth and licked his face… she then forces him to walk her home… So she records the entire thing annoyingly of course with her phone out and being annoying she was talking and he never responded… Then she goes on Snapchat because he didn’t even go inside and completely rejected her after only having her blocked from his phone because she was calling and bothering him so much literally texting and blowing up his phone late at night… All the time and being absolutely creepy. she gets on Snapchat and post all of this information as well as all the videos showing this. They are also on TikTok so if you hang out with her, she’ll most likely also take videos of you guys no matter what you’re doing even if she’s just being a completely embarrassing and annoying donkey. She thinks it’s funny, but it’s really not funny at all. Comedians are creative, smart witty she’s not she’s cheap, uncultured uneducated… Rude, racist, homophobic… A typical cheeseburger, American. But somebody who falsely accuses man of stalking them and other crimes isn’t somebody to be around and that goes for women as well and people protecting their business is an assets from somebody like this. it’s not even worth sleeping with her. That’s a smelly dangerous risk as well. Somebody who’s willing to post and make up lies and call somebody a homophobic slur then because somebody punish her essentially, or gave her what she deserved, which was a ticket for breaking the law if she never wears a seatbelt and is always driving like a complete creepy maniac she is… She turns around and accuses this man of stalking her and again this is not back to blue. I’m not a Republican I don’t even like police… she’s just constantly making up lies. As well as fabricating stories, accusing black men of committing crimes against her in what she called the hood. Which could literally get somebody killed because they were miss identify them because she said it was a black crackhead who had grills on his teeth. She also accuses strangers of date, raping women… And it’s a complete damn lie there’s nothing true about what she says and if you believe her, then you’re just as fucking stupid. But it seems like the man who find her online and look her up. No she is. This is just a fair warning if you look her up, do not do it. Don’t hang out with her. It’s not worth it she’s not gonna be anything serious anyway… You could take that donkey seriously??!
submitted by Amazing-Salary6558 to Adrielle_Sigler_Vegan [link] [comments]
2023.05.30 05:52 Logical_Cream_3907 Xbox next gen. Madden 23 Franchise
Send gamertag. And Snapchat username. Doesn’t matter how good or how bad.
submitted by Logical_Cream_3907 to Maddenfranchisecenter [link] [comments]
2023.05.30 04:39 geraltswife i (21F) just found out my boyfriend (21M) of over a year cheated on me last year. he wants me back but i’m scared he will hurt me again.
hi reddit. sorry this is a long post, but i hope this context can provide a lot of information to see what others think about my situation. i put a tl;dr at the bottom :)
my (now ex)boyfriend and i have been together for a year, have known each other for two. we made things official in april of last year, after he got back from deployment. since then we have certainly had ups and downs. but overtime, we admitted that we wanted this to be long-term. we have had talks of living together and me moving with him after he gets stationed somewhere else in 3 years, so i really thought it was meant to be.
i have always felt slightly insecure about him following so many girls from his high school, but didn’t let it get to me. but then one night i got suspicious and, did violate his privacy and went on his phone. i do want to admit that i know it was wrong and i’m not excusing this type of behavior. i’m so torn, as i would’ve never found out he was doing what he was doing if i never went on his phone.
last month i found out he was texting a girl that in december of 2021 when we were talking but not yet official, he told her he loved her after she confessed her love for him. they had only known each other for 2 months at that point and had sex. he told her it was not the right time nor place for them to be together. fast forward to april 2023, i find out that he never told her that they couldn’t be together, and basically led her on. i gave him the benefit of the doubt and forgave him, since it was when we were not official. then, i asked if he had seen or talked to any other girl romantically while we have been talking and together and he said no. that was a big damn lie.
fast forward to this past saturday, i get suspicious as to if he was texting her still. i check his messages on snapchat and go into the search and see this girl who doesn’t appear on his messages. he has her notifications muted and has been clearing conversations so i couldn’t see who he was texting. last year in may, a month after we are officially together, he took a trip to california to see his family. turns out he met up with this girl from high school, commented on her snaps calling her cute and sexy. he made out with her. he received nudes from her. never told her he had a girlfriend. he continued to flirt with her even after he got back from california, and still talked to her till this day.
i was so distraught. someone who said they love me and want a future with me capable of doing the absolute worst thing to me. just recently, him and i went to california so that i could go with him to his step mothers funeral. i helped create a go fund me for the funeral expenses, i was with him in his hardest time. i let him into my life, my family loves him and did so much for him. i just can’t believe he would do this after all the love and support i’ve given him and my loved ones have given him.
just like the first girl, he justified it by saying he no longer had feelings for them, but considered them “friends”. he says that because he cheated at the very beginning of our relationship, that he regrets it but is not the same person he was before.
i made him text this girl, because the first girl he just blocked. i didn’t feel that was right, and wanted him to give this second girl an explanation. he said to her that it was a mistake being with her last year because at the time he made someone his girlfriend; and out of respect for the both of us, he needs to stop talking to her. i made him block her from everything, thinking it would make me feel better and i could move on, but i couldn’t.
the next morning i found out even worse information that made me even more uncertain if i could move on. i asked if he had nude photos saved anywhere of this girl or anyone else. he ended up admitting he still had nude photos of his ex girlfriend, but never looks at them. i honestly can’t believe a word coming out of his mouth. i told him i needed some time to be alone and think so he went in the shower.
when we talked, i initially told him i wanted a “break”. i didn’t want to breakup, just spend time apart since he practically lives at my dorm. i also told him for us to work, he needed to confide in his family or a therapist. we agreed; but later in the day i realized i’d be disrespecting myself not to end things and break up with him. i called him and told him we needed to break up so he can understand the consequences and how it feels to lose me. i told him i loved him still, and look forward to him maturing and seeking help.
i needed to return all his stuff back to his barracks, so i called him shortly after to confirm a date that i could bring his stuff back. it was the same stuff he said initially, he was crying, saying how sorry he was, saying he made a mistake. that i’m much more mature than him and he needs to grow up, and wants to be in a committed relationship and wants to be loyal.
he said he has never done anything like this before, he couldn’t even admit that he was a cheater at first. i noticed after he talked to his father, who had his marriage with my boyfriends biological mom ruined by infidelity, was able to hold himself more accountable. he told me he wanted to change and be a better man and wants to truly be with me and sees a future with me.
today i returned all his stuff to his barracks. i told him no matter what happens and if we get back together or not, that he needs to understand this growth is for him to be a better person, not to win me back. he said he understood, and told me he would be getting professional help. he told me he loved me, but i didn’t say anything back, other than i believe in him and know he’ll become a better person.
i’m just so uncertain right now. all i can think about is waiting for him, longing for the day he comes back to me a better man. but i know that deep down i’m scared. i don’t deserve to be put through this and deserve so much more. and i can’t even be 100% sure he’s gonna come back truthful and respect me.
i know ultimately it is my decision, but i just need advice. does a cheater ever understand their actions and will they ever get better? can i ever go back to him the same?
tl;dr: boyfriend of a year cheated on me last year and i just found out this weekend. claims he loves me and it was a mistake but now he truly is ready for commitment. i broke up with him, and he promised he would work on himself and go to therapy. unsure if waiting for him is the right decision.
submitted by geraltswife to Infidelity [link] [comments]
my (now ex)boyfriend and i have been together for a year, have known each other for two. we made things official in april of last year, after he got back from deployment. since then we have certainly had ups and downs. but overtime, we admitted that we wanted this to be long-term. we have had talks of living together and me moving with him after he gets stationed somewhere else in 3 years, so i really thought it was meant to be.
i have always felt slightly insecure about him following so many girls from his high school, but didn’t let it get to me. but then one night i got suspicious and, did violate his privacy and went on his phone. i do want to admit that i know it was wrong and i’m not excusing this type of behavior. i’m so torn, as i would’ve never found out he was doing what he was doing if i never went on his phone.
last month i found out he was texting a girl that in december of 2021 when we were talking but not yet official, he told her he loved her after she confessed her love for him. they had only known each other for 2 months at that point and had sex. he told her it was not the right time nor place for them to be together. fast forward to april 2023, i find out that he never told her that they couldn’t be together, and basically led her on. i gave him the benefit of the doubt and forgave him, since it was when we were not official. then, i asked if he had seen or talked to any other girl romantically while we have been talking and together and he said no. that was a big damn lie.
fast forward to this past saturday, i get suspicious as to if he was texting her still. i check his messages on snapchat and go into the search and see this girl who doesn’t appear on his messages. he has her notifications muted and has been clearing conversations so i couldn’t see who he was texting. last year in may, a month after we are officially together, he took a trip to california to see his family. turns out he met up with this girl from high school, commented on her snaps calling her cute and sexy. he made out with her. he received nudes from her. never told her he had a girlfriend. he continued to flirt with her even after he got back from california, and still talked to her till this day.
i was so distraught. someone who said they love me and want a future with me capable of doing the absolute worst thing to me. just recently, him and i went to california so that i could go with him to his step mothers funeral. i helped create a go fund me for the funeral expenses, i was with him in his hardest time. i let him into my life, my family loves him and did so much for him. i just can’t believe he would do this after all the love and support i’ve given him and my loved ones have given him.
just like the first girl, he justified it by saying he no longer had feelings for them, but considered them “friends”. he says that because he cheated at the very beginning of our relationship, that he regrets it but is not the same person he was before.
i made him text this girl, because the first girl he just blocked. i didn’t feel that was right, and wanted him to give this second girl an explanation. he said to her that it was a mistake being with her last year because at the time he made someone his girlfriend; and out of respect for the both of us, he needs to stop talking to her. i made him block her from everything, thinking it would make me feel better and i could move on, but i couldn’t.
the next morning i found out even worse information that made me even more uncertain if i could move on. i asked if he had nude photos saved anywhere of this girl or anyone else. he ended up admitting he still had nude photos of his ex girlfriend, but never looks at them. i honestly can’t believe a word coming out of his mouth. i told him i needed some time to be alone and think so he went in the shower.
when we talked, i initially told him i wanted a “break”. i didn’t want to breakup, just spend time apart since he practically lives at my dorm. i also told him for us to work, he needed to confide in his family or a therapist. we agreed; but later in the day i realized i’d be disrespecting myself not to end things and break up with him. i called him and told him we needed to break up so he can understand the consequences and how it feels to lose me. i told him i loved him still, and look forward to him maturing and seeking help.
i needed to return all his stuff back to his barracks, so i called him shortly after to confirm a date that i could bring his stuff back. it was the same stuff he said initially, he was crying, saying how sorry he was, saying he made a mistake. that i’m much more mature than him and he needs to grow up, and wants to be in a committed relationship and wants to be loyal.
he said he has never done anything like this before, he couldn’t even admit that he was a cheater at first. i noticed after he talked to his father, who had his marriage with my boyfriends biological mom ruined by infidelity, was able to hold himself more accountable. he told me he wanted to change and be a better man and wants to truly be with me and sees a future with me.
today i returned all his stuff to his barracks. i told him no matter what happens and if we get back together or not, that he needs to understand this growth is for him to be a better person, not to win me back. he said he understood, and told me he would be getting professional help. he told me he loved me, but i didn’t say anything back, other than i believe in him and know he’ll become a better person.
i’m just so uncertain right now. all i can think about is waiting for him, longing for the day he comes back to me a better man. but i know that deep down i’m scared. i don’t deserve to be put through this and deserve so much more. and i can’t even be 100% sure he’s gonna come back truthful and respect me.
i know ultimately it is my decision, but i just need advice. does a cheater ever understand their actions and will they ever get better? can i ever go back to him the same?
tl;dr: boyfriend of a year cheated on me last year and i just found out this weekend. claims he loves me and it was a mistake but now he truly is ready for commitment. i broke up with him, and he promised he would work on himself and go to therapy. unsure if waiting for him is the right decision.
2023.05.30 02:42 LunaAnimeGirlBruh Am it the asswhole for hating this dumbass after he played me?
There is this guy named William who is in my class and was also in my class last year. We eventually became friends last year and eventually I started liking him AND his best friend George. I told him that I like George and one other person and then he goes "Who is the other person?" And my obvious ass was like "I'm not telling you that!" And he goes "Now I know who it is!" Before he literally ran off. I swear I saw a smile on his fat face. I ran after him and asked who he think the other person is and he goes "Me." In a proud voice. I screamed and ran away and told my friend Kayla that he knew and she decided to go up and tell him I did not like him AND THEN ASK IF HE LIKED ME AND MORE OBVIOUS QUESTIONS! Somehow on that same day, George also found out I liked him (William probably flapped his gums to him). And then at the end of they day, William said "I'm like 99 percent sure you have a crush on me because of the questions Kayla asked. He also sat beside me at the time so ya. Anyways, later on Snapchat I said I liked him. Anyways, since you got the story of how he found out, in going to tell the rest of the story in less detail. So basically, after a short while I started only liking George. Then he said he might move. It hurt but I lost feeling and guess what, he lied. Probably to get me to stop liking him even though he said he liked me back. So I eventually lost feelings and then William said that I was his best friend and I started liking him again and then this bitch started pranking me that he liked me and played with my feelings and manipulating me into staying his friend. He even manipulated me into venting to him and then he said I was faking it for attention. He made my mental issues worse and now I'm scared to do stuff whenever he here, like presenting stuff. He still thinks I like him currently, no matter how many times I say I don't. He also bully me for being Bisexual. He now is rude to me and then manipulates me into thinking he still considers me a friend. He obviously hates me. He even said my mom left me bc she doesn't love me but she got kicked out! I've tried everything to get way from him but my teacher pit him behind me and then beside me and back to behind me even though I told him about the issue! So Am I the asswhole for hating him after all that?
submitted by LunaAnimeGirlBruh to u/LunaAnimeGirlBruh [link] [comments]
2023.05.30 02:41 ImportantLecture4959 Is anyone actually faithful anymore?
I’d like to get some opinions on this.
Obviously smart phones and the internet and Snapchat etc. have made it very easy to find almost anything you’re looking for and hide it from your significant other. It seems like literally nobody is actually faithful in their relationship anymore. Whether it be a physical affair, an emotional affair, or maybe just flirting, or even just confiding in someone other than your spouse. It feels like no matter how happy your marriage or relationship is, someone is still texting their ex, or snapping their coworker, or secretly on Tinder, or acting inappropriately online, etc etc etc. Is this just the new normal that we have to learn to accept? Love to get everyone’s thoughts on this…
submitted by ImportantLecture4959 to Discussion [link] [comments]
Obviously smart phones and the internet and Snapchat etc. have made it very easy to find almost anything you’re looking for and hide it from your significant other. It seems like literally nobody is actually faithful in their relationship anymore. Whether it be a physical affair, an emotional affair, or maybe just flirting, or even just confiding in someone other than your spouse. It feels like no matter how happy your marriage or relationship is, someone is still texting their ex, or snapping their coworker, or secretly on Tinder, or acting inappropriately online, etc etc etc. Is this just the new normal that we have to learn to accept? Love to get everyone’s thoughts on this…
2023.05.30 02:03 Agreeable_Remote426 My 17/M Girlfriend 17/F wont accept college
Me and my girlfriend are coming up on one year in a couple weeks. She essentially stalked me for years watching me go through relationships and waiting for her time to pounce. She catcalled me in the hallways at school when I had my music playing so I was completely oblivious to all of this. Until I swiped up on her snapchat story, capping about some movie I claimed to have known just to get her attention. It clearly worked.
Anyways, our relationship has had extreme ups and downs even with her breaking up with me 3 months in to explore her own sexuality. It took 16 hours of me explaining to her that love is love regardless of gender and that if she loves me it shouldn’t matter if she’s not attracted to men. We have at least one big fight every couple months and small arguments every single day as she is a very sensitive and very angry person.
She holds grudges on any, and everyone and expects me to do the same. This angers me as I see it as childish but I move past it. Me and her are one grade apart despite our birthdays only being one day apart. I am going to college next year while she is going into her senior year and she does not seem to have a grasp of how time consuming college is.
I am committed to play college football and any athlete knows that is a VERY time consuming commitment on top of my major and minor. Whenever I try to explain to her I might not be able to sleep over or see her as frequently as I do now she gets very angry and short with me and even shuts down any plan I try to make to see her even though I do not have my schedule yet.
It feels as if she will not listen to the reality I’m trying to bring her to and sh*t will hit the fan as soon as her eyes are forcefully opened to it right after I move in. I need help on how to get through to her. This will make or break our relationship and I want to go all the way with this girl.
submitted by Agreeable_Remote426 to teenrelationships [link] [comments]
Anyways, our relationship has had extreme ups and downs even with her breaking up with me 3 months in to explore her own sexuality. It took 16 hours of me explaining to her that love is love regardless of gender and that if she loves me it shouldn’t matter if she’s not attracted to men. We have at least one big fight every couple months and small arguments every single day as she is a very sensitive and very angry person.
She holds grudges on any, and everyone and expects me to do the same. This angers me as I see it as childish but I move past it. Me and her are one grade apart despite our birthdays only being one day apart. I am going to college next year while she is going into her senior year and she does not seem to have a grasp of how time consuming college is.
I am committed to play college football and any athlete knows that is a VERY time consuming commitment on top of my major and minor. Whenever I try to explain to her I might not be able to sleep over or see her as frequently as I do now she gets very angry and short with me and even shuts down any plan I try to make to see her even though I do not have my schedule yet.
It feels as if she will not listen to the reality I’m trying to bring her to and sh*t will hit the fan as soon as her eyes are forcefully opened to it right after I move in. I need help on how to get through to her. This will make or break our relationship and I want to go all the way with this girl.
2023.05.30 00:22 G00DKlDMAADCITY Don't go looking for things you don't want to find, and don't ask questions you don't really want the true answer to. Oh and always... ALWAYS trust your gut.
This might end up being fairly long and if so I apologize in advance but I hope this ends up being as cathartic as I’m hoping.
Let’s start at the beginning. I wasn’t a good husband... hell I probably wasn't even a good person. I was selfish, inattentive to her needs, hid a painkiller addiction for many years and a copious amount of other issues. I wasn’t perfect though neither was she. We were happy though and together for a decade. I’ll preface this by saying that I’m the most non-jealous person in the world. I don’t care what you do with your friends, where you do it, and when as long as your honest. For example let’s say one of her friends invited her to go out of town or to do something for a weekend, it was like “hey are we doing anything this weekend? No? Okay I’m gonna go out of town with insert name here” and vice versa for me “hey are we doing anything this weekend? No? Okay I’m gonna go hunting with insert name here”. All that being said, again, not jealous AT ALL, but after the divorce and subsequent relationship I think my trust with SO coworkers is irreparably damaged.
His name was Joe, I heard through some of her other coworker friends he had a crush on my wife. Whatever, she got cheated on with her first love and couldn’t even watch movies or shows where someone cheats it would make her so angry. So I never thought twice about her going out with her coworkers. Now again, let me say I was not a good husband towards the end, and it took a long time and a lot of hurt and anger had to be let go to where I finally realized that I don’t fault her for finding solace in the arms of another, because she was a damn good wife, a damn good mother, and an even better husband. And she deserved better. I relapsed after an incredibly awful start to 2018. I went and stayed at my moms and had to go over to the house to get some things. Her and my daughter were gone somewhere but her Apple Watch was there. My gut told me what I already knew, and what I knew was that I shouldn't look through it knowing what I would find. What did I find? That she was filing for divorce the next week and plenty of messages to Joe. I knew it was only a matter of time before they ended up together. Can you guess what happened? I had a decent amount of money saved up so I took a sabbatical from work that ended extending to almost two years
December 2018, Christmas morning. I had a plan, it was foolproof. I was going to facetime my daughter in the morning to tell her how much I loved her and missed her and had a very merry Christmas... and then I was going to go in my backyard and blow my brains out. So thats what I did. I called her, talked to her as best you can to a three year old in the midst of a post present high with her cousins there too. Then I walked out in my backyard with my favorite rifle and sat there. And sat there. And sat there. For six hours. I cried, I wept... I wept for me, for my kid who was going to grow up without her daddy. I wept for my ex-wife who was going to have to explain to my daughter why she wouldn't be able to see her daddy again. I wept for my family and the pain I was about to cause them I begged and screamed to God. That if they were real and I was meant for things in this life that they would show me a fucking sign. Show me ANYTHING that would show me whether this drastic choice would be the right one... or the wrong. For six hours in the freezing cold. Never did get an answer that I could recognize as one. But the thought of my kid calling the person my wife had AT LEAST an emotional affair with, "Dad" made me sick... and made me want to live.
I decided to check into rehab, not for drugs, but so I didn't kill myself. Ive always kind of been a natural leader. I don't know why or what it is about me but people tend to flock towards me and have really either one or two reactions. They either really like me, or they really fucking hate me. Here though everyone really liked me and I was put in charge of running the meetings held there and trying to keep morale of the folks there. And it was a great fucking time. It was a month vacation in a really nice area of the state, I didn't have a phone, only my guitar and the resolve to work through my emotions in a safe place the best way I know how, by writing songs about it. Which is exactly what I did both in the classes, AA Meetings, out of class, didn't matter I was just knocking out song after song. I met a kid in there with a killer voice and a guy around my age who actually was the lead singesongwriter for a local band I was a fan of so it ended up being a really enjoyable experience.. The kid though... he got murdered last year from a drug deal gone wrong. Shot in a car and left to die in the parking lot. I think about him almost every day.
What did I learn? I learned that I shouldn't go looking for things I don't want to find, or ask questions that I really want the true answer to. Or so I thought.
I met K in December 2020 on Hinge. I wasn't sure I was really over my ex wife but then when we met it was love at first sight. And for a guy that didn't think he was ever going to love anyone again it was a major deal. She felt the same it seemed, though I now realize it was probably more of a trauma bond/rebound type situation. Things went really well for the honeymoon phase, it was like we couldn't get enough of each other. She was a cheer coach/art teacher, it was new, it was exciting, the sex was great.. she was great... She had some pretty serious insecurities and abandonment issues though. Her mom dropped her off with what ended up being her adoptive family only to come back a few years later and take her away for a few months, then bring her back and drop her off again. She self sabotages and destroys anything good in her life for fear or being hurt and left by someone again. And she only dated guys that controlled her, treated her like shit, stole from her, etc etc. She took xanax and ambien which when it would kick in at first it seemed she was still cognizant. One night when I was staying over there she had taken it and asked me to look something up in her phone. As soon as I open it I see a text to a coach at the school she taught at that was just really inappropriate shit that made me feel uncomfortable, especially since he was married. I asked her about it when she off work the next day and she just downplayed it as they are wont to do. I let it go but its something I thought of often, especially after it ended.
We moved in together in August of 21. I helped her get a job at a school over on my side of town so we got a really nice apartment close to her work and not far from mine. Thats when things started to change. I'll never forget we were laying in bed on a Friday afternoon, I was about to go pick up my kid. I rolled over towards her side and propped myself up and looked at her for a second and thought how lucky am I, and so thats what I said out loud to her. Its like she recoiled like she got bit by a snake, bolted out of bed and said I was being clingy and essentially ran out the door where she ended up back on the other side of town and had dinner with a gay guy friend. I really didn't know what to do or how to take it so when I picked my kid up I took her over to my moms house and we stayed there until K called and asked me to come home so we could talk. I left my kid with my mom and went over there and she apologized and reiterated how she feels in relationships, the fear of being left, how independent she had to be because of her upbringing and a few other things.
Not long after that she forwarded me an email, I'm not even sure what she meant to send me if she even meant it to send to me because I never got around to asking. It was an email thread with the coach where she said "guess what?", "What? You're gonna have my baby?" "No I got Covid!". I confronted her about it, told her how it made me feel, and while she never really responded to it in a way that made me worry I still strongly disliked it and let her know that. Not long after that as we were laying in bed I saw she was texting someone exceptionally long paragraphs, you know the type, the type when you're first talking to someone and are explaining things about yourself to them? I'll spare the long part but come to find out shes found a new coach to have what appears to be an emotional affair with. Though come to find out this one ended up being physical. She broke up with me in January 22. Told me while I showed her love in a way she didn't know was possible, and treated her in a way nobody had ever treated her before that I was too good for her and deserved better. I tried to change her mind, lord knows I tried, I was madly in love. My kid was in love with her. We talked about a future I never thought possible after my divorce.
I moved out of the apartment and back to my moms until I could find a place. We talked occasionally and I spent so much time reading this sub and others. Posts about how to get her back, how to make her miss me, what to do and what not to do. When my work sabbatical ended I got my old job back. Its a great job, ridiculously easy and the amount of work I actually do compared to my compensation should be illegal. She lost her cheer stipend when we moved back to my side of town since she didn't coach and since we got the apt together I knew what her funds looked like. We got that place because we could afford it together, alone I knew she was going to struggle. And I still wanted her back... what better way to show her that and try to manifest it by just being there for her when she needed me? Little did I know that would be the only time she asked me anything. Only when she needed help, or was having an anxiety attack and needed someone to talk her off the ledge and tell her everything was going to be okay. It was never her asking how I was doing, or my kid, or my dog, or what was going on in my life. Everyone told me what my gut had already told me but I lied to myself over and over. Not long after all this happened I found out she had been seeing the new coach at the new school though she still won't admit it even up to... checks notes today.
March 23 I get my first really big commission check I gave her 10k and we paid off her credit card, some other debt she had, some missed car payments and other bill help. Not long after that she tells me shes going to a cabin nearby where shes from with her sisters and nieces/nephews and asks me to watch her dog which I miss just as much as her so I do it. Mind you previous to this we went through a rough spot and she had blocked me on IG and never unblocked me. One of my cousins still followed her though, she hits me on snapchat saying "oh wow K looks amazing" I say "Oh yeah, does the cabin look nice?" She said "Cabin? Looks like shes at the beach" and sends me a screenshot of her IG post. I do my best FBI investigation and zoom in on her glasses, it appears to be a guy taking the picture based on the reflection from the frames and I kind of have an idea who I think it could be, come to find out, we'll call him JMJ also happens to be in Florida at the same time. So I call her out and tell her she needs to find someone to come get her dog and I'm done with her and her lies. She tells me "Oh my mom and dad are traveling across the country in their RV (WHICH THEY WERE) and so when you sent me that extra money after we paid the bills my sister and I decided to fly to Florida to spend some time with them on Spring Break"
She then breaks down and tells me how shes ruined the relationship with the last genuine person in her life and that when she gets back she'll get her dog and I'll never hear from her again. Master manipulator and while shes an amazing liar to someone who wants with every fiber of his being to believe him, is awful at hiding her lies. What do I do? Well I'm a fucking idiot so you can already imagine what I did. I begged her for once to just be honest with me. For once in our entire two years going back and forth that if she ever did truly love me or respect me for things I did for her that she would be honest. She told shes not dating anyone and doesn't have a boyfriend and that nothing has changed. I told her that even if she was seeing someone and told me about it I would help her out one last time only because I had committed to it. I told myself I was doing it for altruistic reasons, that because of all her issues that if I can do for her what I said I would do for her and that would help her out in her future relationships to show her that not everybody is it out to just fuck her and leave her, that when some people tell you they'll do something for you they mean it and she stops self sabotaging then I did my part.
A couple weeks ago was her 30th birthday. I see if she wants to grab dinner but she says one of her girl teacher friends is taking her to dinner in the galleria area. Check the guys IG story via an anonymous viewer and guess who happens to be at a restaurant in the galleria area? I don't even call her out because at this point Im making a plan. I get another rather large check in July and so we had previously talked about paying off the rest of her debt. She tells me shes going to her parents house for MDW and then that shes going out of town today with one of her old friends to New Orleans. This is when I realize just whats about to happen. Im about to have the answer to the question I thought I was dying to know the answer to. I told myself if he posts an IG story today where hes traveling, there is 0% chance that shes not with him. The first thing I see when I open IG is he posted a story... in Cancun. Then the next picture I see... her phone on the table next to him. Bingo. Send her an email saying "Hey I hope you have fun in Cancun!" and that was it. Almost immediately she texts me asking how I know and figured it out and I just saw red. I immediately opened up IG and sent him a message with texts, receipts, bank transfers, her telling me that she still loves me and we can go take a trip this summer, how many times shes asked me for money and help and the lies shes told me about him. She asks me to stop messaging him and I say that shes forever lost the option to ask ANYTHING of me but realize what Im doing is not the right thing and is hella immature so I send her another email saying I'm sorry and out of respect for her I wont say anything else to him.
Then he sends me a message on IG asking to elaborate more and then told me she told him I owed her a lot of money... I asked how much and for what and he said $2k for bills when we first got together. Thats when I sent him an entire list of all bank transactions through our bank and Apple Pay. Just digital alone, $18.647.00 over the last six months plus another $12,460.00 in cash over the last eight months. Then I realized just how little better this made me feel. In fact I thought I would feel triumphant, and ready to move on and finally be over her and start to heal. Knowing full damn and well keeping her around and helping her was keeping me from being able to heal and move on. I sent her another message telling her I was taking the last part of her birthday gift to her apartment and leaving it in the ottoman outside her door and that because I had already accounted for and mentally prepared for giving her money in July that I still would then I blocked and removed her from IG and anything else that would open up an avenue for contact.
Here we are. Starting NC again... a year and a half after we broke up all because I thought I needed the answers to what I didn't want to find out or know. And that yet again, my gut has yet to lie to me in regards to relationships. What is wrong with me? Why even after all of this do I still want her in my life and want her back? If she called me tomorrow needing help I'd probably still do it. How do I fix myself? I've gotten an entire new wardrobe, an entire home gym so I quit blaming my depression for why I didn't go to the gym, and have tried really hard to focus on myself yet I know deep down everything I'm doing, I'm still doing for hopes of her. I lied to myself and clouded my own gut and mind to listen to my heart when I knew what I already knew yet still felt the need to confirm it.
Its not worth it. IT. IS.NOT. WORTH. IT. Keep that door closed if you don't want to know whats on the other side. Don't open that book if you don't want to see whats written on that last page. If your gut is telling you something, its probably right. Listen to it. When your friends and family are telling you the same thing your gut is telling you, listen to them. Even if its killing you, even if its the last thing you want to do, even if its going to break your heart again and reopen any wounds for you to bleed out again it has to be done. Don't be like me. Don't prolong your suffering for a year and a half for hope that you know isn't going to shake out in your way regardless of what the other person might be telling you.
submitted by G00DKlDMAADCITY to BreakUps [link] [comments]
Let’s start at the beginning. I wasn’t a good husband... hell I probably wasn't even a good person. I was selfish, inattentive to her needs, hid a painkiller addiction for many years and a copious amount of other issues. I wasn’t perfect though neither was she. We were happy though and together for a decade. I’ll preface this by saying that I’m the most non-jealous person in the world. I don’t care what you do with your friends, where you do it, and when as long as your honest. For example let’s say one of her friends invited her to go out of town or to do something for a weekend, it was like “hey are we doing anything this weekend? No? Okay I’m gonna go out of town with insert name here” and vice versa for me “hey are we doing anything this weekend? No? Okay I’m gonna go hunting with insert name here”. All that being said, again, not jealous AT ALL, but after the divorce and subsequent relationship I think my trust with SO coworkers is irreparably damaged.
His name was Joe, I heard through some of her other coworker friends he had a crush on my wife. Whatever, she got cheated on with her first love and couldn’t even watch movies or shows where someone cheats it would make her so angry. So I never thought twice about her going out with her coworkers. Now again, let me say I was not a good husband towards the end, and it took a long time and a lot of hurt and anger had to be let go to where I finally realized that I don’t fault her for finding solace in the arms of another, because she was a damn good wife, a damn good mother, and an even better husband. And she deserved better. I relapsed after an incredibly awful start to 2018. I went and stayed at my moms and had to go over to the house to get some things. Her and my daughter were gone somewhere but her Apple Watch was there. My gut told me what I already knew, and what I knew was that I shouldn't look through it knowing what I would find. What did I find? That she was filing for divorce the next week and plenty of messages to Joe. I knew it was only a matter of time before they ended up together. Can you guess what happened? I had a decent amount of money saved up so I took a sabbatical from work that ended extending to almost two years
December 2018, Christmas morning. I had a plan, it was foolproof. I was going to facetime my daughter in the morning to tell her how much I loved her and missed her and had a very merry Christmas... and then I was going to go in my backyard and blow my brains out. So thats what I did. I called her, talked to her as best you can to a three year old in the midst of a post present high with her cousins there too. Then I walked out in my backyard with my favorite rifle and sat there. And sat there. And sat there. For six hours. I cried, I wept... I wept for me, for my kid who was going to grow up without her daddy. I wept for my ex-wife who was going to have to explain to my daughter why she wouldn't be able to see her daddy again. I wept for my family and the pain I was about to cause them I begged and screamed to God. That if they were real and I was meant for things in this life that they would show me a fucking sign. Show me ANYTHING that would show me whether this drastic choice would be the right one... or the wrong. For six hours in the freezing cold. Never did get an answer that I could recognize as one. But the thought of my kid calling the person my wife had AT LEAST an emotional affair with, "Dad" made me sick... and made me want to live.
I decided to check into rehab, not for drugs, but so I didn't kill myself. Ive always kind of been a natural leader. I don't know why or what it is about me but people tend to flock towards me and have really either one or two reactions. They either really like me, or they really fucking hate me. Here though everyone really liked me and I was put in charge of running the meetings held there and trying to keep morale of the folks there. And it was a great fucking time. It was a month vacation in a really nice area of the state, I didn't have a phone, only my guitar and the resolve to work through my emotions in a safe place the best way I know how, by writing songs about it. Which is exactly what I did both in the classes, AA Meetings, out of class, didn't matter I was just knocking out song after song. I met a kid in there with a killer voice and a guy around my age who actually was the lead singesongwriter for a local band I was a fan of so it ended up being a really enjoyable experience.. The kid though... he got murdered last year from a drug deal gone wrong. Shot in a car and left to die in the parking lot. I think about him almost every day.
What did I learn? I learned that I shouldn't go looking for things I don't want to find, or ask questions that I really want the true answer to. Or so I thought.
I met K in December 2020 on Hinge. I wasn't sure I was really over my ex wife but then when we met it was love at first sight. And for a guy that didn't think he was ever going to love anyone again it was a major deal. She felt the same it seemed, though I now realize it was probably more of a trauma bond/rebound type situation. Things went really well for the honeymoon phase, it was like we couldn't get enough of each other. She was a cheer coach/art teacher, it was new, it was exciting, the sex was great.. she was great... She had some pretty serious insecurities and abandonment issues though. Her mom dropped her off with what ended up being her adoptive family only to come back a few years later and take her away for a few months, then bring her back and drop her off again. She self sabotages and destroys anything good in her life for fear or being hurt and left by someone again. And she only dated guys that controlled her, treated her like shit, stole from her, etc etc. She took xanax and ambien which when it would kick in at first it seemed she was still cognizant. One night when I was staying over there she had taken it and asked me to look something up in her phone. As soon as I open it I see a text to a coach at the school she taught at that was just really inappropriate shit that made me feel uncomfortable, especially since he was married. I asked her about it when she off work the next day and she just downplayed it as they are wont to do. I let it go but its something I thought of often, especially after it ended.
We moved in together in August of 21. I helped her get a job at a school over on my side of town so we got a really nice apartment close to her work and not far from mine. Thats when things started to change. I'll never forget we were laying in bed on a Friday afternoon, I was about to go pick up my kid. I rolled over towards her side and propped myself up and looked at her for a second and thought how lucky am I, and so thats what I said out loud to her. Its like she recoiled like she got bit by a snake, bolted out of bed and said I was being clingy and essentially ran out the door where she ended up back on the other side of town and had dinner with a gay guy friend. I really didn't know what to do or how to take it so when I picked my kid up I took her over to my moms house and we stayed there until K called and asked me to come home so we could talk. I left my kid with my mom and went over there and she apologized and reiterated how she feels in relationships, the fear of being left, how independent she had to be because of her upbringing and a few other things.
Not long after that she forwarded me an email, I'm not even sure what she meant to send me if she even meant it to send to me because I never got around to asking. It was an email thread with the coach where she said "guess what?", "What? You're gonna have my baby?" "No I got Covid!". I confronted her about it, told her how it made me feel, and while she never really responded to it in a way that made me worry I still strongly disliked it and let her know that. Not long after that as we were laying in bed I saw she was texting someone exceptionally long paragraphs, you know the type, the type when you're first talking to someone and are explaining things about yourself to them? I'll spare the long part but come to find out shes found a new coach to have what appears to be an emotional affair with. Though come to find out this one ended up being physical. She broke up with me in January 22. Told me while I showed her love in a way she didn't know was possible, and treated her in a way nobody had ever treated her before that I was too good for her and deserved better. I tried to change her mind, lord knows I tried, I was madly in love. My kid was in love with her. We talked about a future I never thought possible after my divorce.
I moved out of the apartment and back to my moms until I could find a place. We talked occasionally and I spent so much time reading this sub and others. Posts about how to get her back, how to make her miss me, what to do and what not to do. When my work sabbatical ended I got my old job back. Its a great job, ridiculously easy and the amount of work I actually do compared to my compensation should be illegal. She lost her cheer stipend when we moved back to my side of town since she didn't coach and since we got the apt together I knew what her funds looked like. We got that place because we could afford it together, alone I knew she was going to struggle. And I still wanted her back... what better way to show her that and try to manifest it by just being there for her when she needed me? Little did I know that would be the only time she asked me anything. Only when she needed help, or was having an anxiety attack and needed someone to talk her off the ledge and tell her everything was going to be okay. It was never her asking how I was doing, or my kid, or my dog, or what was going on in my life. Everyone told me what my gut had already told me but I lied to myself over and over. Not long after all this happened I found out she had been seeing the new coach at the new school though she still won't admit it even up to... checks notes today.
March 23 I get my first really big commission check I gave her 10k and we paid off her credit card, some other debt she had, some missed car payments and other bill help. Not long after that she tells me shes going to a cabin nearby where shes from with her sisters and nieces/nephews and asks me to watch her dog which I miss just as much as her so I do it. Mind you previous to this we went through a rough spot and she had blocked me on IG and never unblocked me. One of my cousins still followed her though, she hits me on snapchat saying "oh wow K looks amazing" I say "Oh yeah, does the cabin look nice?" She said "Cabin? Looks like shes at the beach" and sends me a screenshot of her IG post. I do my best FBI investigation and zoom in on her glasses, it appears to be a guy taking the picture based on the reflection from the frames and I kind of have an idea who I think it could be, come to find out, we'll call him JMJ also happens to be in Florida at the same time. So I call her out and tell her she needs to find someone to come get her dog and I'm done with her and her lies. She tells me "Oh my mom and dad are traveling across the country in their RV (WHICH THEY WERE) and so when you sent me that extra money after we paid the bills my sister and I decided to fly to Florida to spend some time with them on Spring Break"
She then breaks down and tells me how shes ruined the relationship with the last genuine person in her life and that when she gets back she'll get her dog and I'll never hear from her again. Master manipulator and while shes an amazing liar to someone who wants with every fiber of his being to believe him, is awful at hiding her lies. What do I do? Well I'm a fucking idiot so you can already imagine what I did. I begged her for once to just be honest with me. For once in our entire two years going back and forth that if she ever did truly love me or respect me for things I did for her that she would be honest. She told shes not dating anyone and doesn't have a boyfriend and that nothing has changed. I told her that even if she was seeing someone and told me about it I would help her out one last time only because I had committed to it. I told myself I was doing it for altruistic reasons, that because of all her issues that if I can do for her what I said I would do for her and that would help her out in her future relationships to show her that not everybody is it out to just fuck her and leave her, that when some people tell you they'll do something for you they mean it and she stops self sabotaging then I did my part.
A couple weeks ago was her 30th birthday. I see if she wants to grab dinner but she says one of her girl teacher friends is taking her to dinner in the galleria area. Check the guys IG story via an anonymous viewer and guess who happens to be at a restaurant in the galleria area? I don't even call her out because at this point Im making a plan. I get another rather large check in July and so we had previously talked about paying off the rest of her debt. She tells me shes going to her parents house for MDW and then that shes going out of town today with one of her old friends to New Orleans. This is when I realize just whats about to happen. Im about to have the answer to the question I thought I was dying to know the answer to. I told myself if he posts an IG story today where hes traveling, there is 0% chance that shes not with him. The first thing I see when I open IG is he posted a story... in Cancun. Then the next picture I see... her phone on the table next to him. Bingo. Send her an email saying "Hey I hope you have fun in Cancun!" and that was it. Almost immediately she texts me asking how I know and figured it out and I just saw red. I immediately opened up IG and sent him a message with texts, receipts, bank transfers, her telling me that she still loves me and we can go take a trip this summer, how many times shes asked me for money and help and the lies shes told me about him. She asks me to stop messaging him and I say that shes forever lost the option to ask ANYTHING of me but realize what Im doing is not the right thing and is hella immature so I send her another email saying I'm sorry and out of respect for her I wont say anything else to him.
Then he sends me a message on IG asking to elaborate more and then told me she told him I owed her a lot of money... I asked how much and for what and he said $2k for bills when we first got together. Thats when I sent him an entire list of all bank transactions through our bank and Apple Pay. Just digital alone, $18.647.00 over the last six months plus another $12,460.00 in cash over the last eight months. Then I realized just how little better this made me feel. In fact I thought I would feel triumphant, and ready to move on and finally be over her and start to heal. Knowing full damn and well keeping her around and helping her was keeping me from being able to heal and move on. I sent her another message telling her I was taking the last part of her birthday gift to her apartment and leaving it in the ottoman outside her door and that because I had already accounted for and mentally prepared for giving her money in July that I still would then I blocked and removed her from IG and anything else that would open up an avenue for contact.
Here we are. Starting NC again... a year and a half after we broke up all because I thought I needed the answers to what I didn't want to find out or know. And that yet again, my gut has yet to lie to me in regards to relationships. What is wrong with me? Why even after all of this do I still want her in my life and want her back? If she called me tomorrow needing help I'd probably still do it. How do I fix myself? I've gotten an entire new wardrobe, an entire home gym so I quit blaming my depression for why I didn't go to the gym, and have tried really hard to focus on myself yet I know deep down everything I'm doing, I'm still doing for hopes of her. I lied to myself and clouded my own gut and mind to listen to my heart when I knew what I already knew yet still felt the need to confirm it.
Its not worth it. IT. IS.NOT. WORTH. IT. Keep that door closed if you don't want to know whats on the other side. Don't open that book if you don't want to see whats written on that last page. If your gut is telling you something, its probably right. Listen to it. When your friends and family are telling you the same thing your gut is telling you, listen to them. Even if its killing you, even if its the last thing you want to do, even if its going to break your heart again and reopen any wounds for you to bleed out again it has to be done. Don't be like me. Don't prolong your suffering for a year and a half for hope that you know isn't going to shake out in your way regardless of what the other person might be telling you.
2023.05.30 00:21 G00DKlDMAADCITY Don't go looking for things you don't want to find, and don't ask questions you don't really want the true answer to. Oh and always... ALWAYS trust your gut.
This might end up being fairly long and if so I apologize in advance but I hope this ends up being as cathartic as I’m hoping.
Let’s start at the beginning. I wasn’t a good husband... hell I probably wasn't even a good person. I was selfish, inattentive to her needs, hid a painkiller addiction for many years and a copious amount of other issues. I wasn’t perfect though neither was she. We were happy though and together for a decade. I’ll preface this by saying that I’m the most non-jealous person in the world. I don’t care what you do with your friends, where you do it, and when as long as your honest. For example let’s say one of her friends invited her to go out of town or to do something for a weekend, it was like “hey are we doing anything this weekend? No? Okay I’m gonna go out of town with insert name here” and vice versa for me “hey are we doing anything this weekend? No? Okay I’m gonna go hunting with insert name here”. All that being said, again, not jealous AT ALL, but after the divorce and subsequent relationship I think my trust with SO coworkers is irreparably damaged.
His name was Joe, I heard through some of her other coworker friends he had a crush on my wife. Whatever, she got cheated on with her first love and couldn’t even watch movies or shows where someone cheats it would make her so angry. So I never thought twice about her going out with her coworkers. Now again, let me say I was not a good husband towards the end, and it took a long time and a lot of hurt and anger had to be let go to where I finally realized that I don’t fault her for finding solace in the arms of another, because she was a damn good wife, a damn good mother, and an even better person. And she deserved better. I relapsed after an incredibly awful start to 2018. I went and stayed at my moms and had to go over to the house to get some things. Her and my daughter were gone somewhere but her Apple Watch was there. My gut told me what I already knew, and what I knew was that I shouldn't look through it knowing what I would find. What did I find? That she was filing for divorce the next week and plenty of messages to Joe. I knew it was only a matter of time before they ended up together. Can you guess what happened? I had a decent amount of money saved up so I took a sabbatical from work that ended extending to almost two years
December 2018, Christmas morning. I had a plan, it was foolproof. I was going to facetime my daughter in the morning to tell her how much I loved her and missed her and had a very merry Christmas... and then I was going to go in my backyard and blow my brains out. So thats what I did. I called her, talked to her as best you can to a three year old in the midst of a post present high with her cousins there too. Then I walked out in my backyard with my favorite rifle and sat there. And sat there. And sat there. For six hours. I cried, I wept... I wept for me, for my kid who was going to grow up without her daddy. I wept for my ex-wife who was going to have to explain to my daughter why she wouldn't be able to see her daddy again. I wept for my family and the pain I was about to cause them I begged and screamed to God. That if they were real and I was meant for things in this life that they would show me a fucking sign. Show me ANYTHING that would show me whether this drastic choice would be the right one... or the wrong. For six hours in the freezing cold. Never did get an answer that I could recognize as one. But the thought of my kid calling the person my wife had AT LEAST an emotional affair with, "Dad" made me sick... and made me want to live.
I decided to check into rehab, not for drugs, but so I didn't kill myself. Ive always kind of been a natural leader. I don't know why or what it is about me but people tend to flock towards me and have really either one or two reactions. They either really like me, or they really fucking hate me. Here though everyone really liked me and I was put in charge of running the meetings held there and trying to keep morale of the folks there. And it was a great fucking time. It was a month vacation in a really nice area of the state, I didn't have a phone, only my guitar and the resolve to work through my emotions in a safe place the best way I know how, by writing songs about it. Which is exactly what I did both in the classes, AA Meetings, out of class, didn't matter I was just knocking out song after song. I met a kid in there with a killer voice and a guy around my age who actually was the lead singesongwriter for a local band I was a fan of so it ended up being a really enjoyable experience.. The kid though... he got murdered last year from a drug deal gone wrong. Shot in a car and left to die in the parking lot. I think about him almost every day.
What did I learn? I learned that I shouldn't go looking for things I don't want to find, or ask questions that I really want the true answer to. Or so I thought.
I met K in December 2020 on Hinge. I wasn't sure I was really over my ex wife but then when we met it was love at first sight. And for a guy that didn't think he was ever going to love anyone again it was a major deal. She felt the same it seemed, though I now realize it was probably more of a trauma bond/rebound type situation. Things went really well for the honeymoon phase, it was like we couldn't get enough of each other. She was a cheer coach/art teacher, it was new, it was exciting, the sex was great.. she was great... She had some pretty serious insecurities and abandonment issues though. Her mom dropped her off with what ended up being her adoptive family only to come back a few years later and take her away for a few months, then bring her back and drop her off again. She self sabotages and destroys anything good in her life for fear or being hurt and left by someone again. And she only dated guys that controlled her, treated her like shit, stole from her, etc etc. She took xanax and ambien which when it would kick in at first it seemed she was still cognizant. One night when I was staying over there she had taken it and asked me to look something up in her phone. As soon as I open it I see a text to a coach at the school she taught at that was just really inappropriate shit that made me feel uncomfortable, especially since he was married. I asked her about it when she off work the next day and she just downplayed it as they are wont to do. I let it go but its something I thought of often, especially after it ended.
We moved in together in August of 21. I helped her get a job at a school over on my side of town so we got a really nice apartment close to her work and not far from mine. Thats when things started to change. I'll never forget we were laying in bed on a Friday afternoon, I was about to go pick up my kid. I rolled over towards her side and propped myself up and looked at her for a second and thought how lucky am I, and so thats what I said out loud to her. Its like she recoiled like she got bit by a snake, bolted out of bed and said I was being clingy and essentially ran out the door where she ended up back on the other side of town and had dinner with a gay guy friend. I really didn't know what to do or how to take it so when I picked my kid up I took her over to my moms house and we stayed there until K called and asked me to come home so we could talk. I left my kid with my mom and went over there and she apologized and reiterated how she feels in relationships, the fear of being left, how independent she had to be because of her upbringing and a few other things.
Not long after that she forwarded me an email, I'm not even sure what she meant to send me if she even meant it to send to me because I never got around to asking. It was an email thread with the coach where she said "guess what?", "What? You're gonna have my baby?" "No I got Covid!". I confronted her about it, told her how it made me feel, and while she never really responded to it in a way that made me worry I still strongly disliked it and let her know that. Not long after that as we were laying in bed I saw she was texting someone exceptionally long paragraphs, you know the type, the type when you're first talking to someone and are explaining things about yourself to them? I'll spare the long part but come to find out shes found a new coach to have what appears to be an emotional affair with. Though come to find out this one ended up being physical. She broke up with me in January 22. Told me while I showed her love in a way she didn't know was possible, and treated her in a way nobody had ever treated her before that I was too good for her and deserved better. I tried to change her mind, lord knows I tried, I was madly in love. My kid was in love with her. We talked about a future I never thought possible after my divorce.
I moved out of the apartment and back to my moms until I could find a place. We talked occasionally and I spent so much time reading this sub and others. Posts about how to get her back, how to make her miss me, what to do and what not to do. When my work sabbatical ended I got my old job back. Its a great job, ridiculously easy and the amount of work I actually do compared to my compensation should be illegal. She lost her cheer stipend when we moved back to my side of town since she didn't coach and since we got the apt together I knew what her funds looked like. We got that place because we could afford it together, alone I knew she was going to struggle. And I still wanted her back... what better way to show her that and try to manifest it by just being there for her when she needed me? Little did I know that would be the only time she asked me anything. Only when she needed help, or was having an anxiety attack and needed someone to talk her off the ledge and tell her everything was going to be okay. It was never her asking how I was doing, or my kid, or my dog, or what was going on in my life. Everyone told me what my gut had already told me but I lied to myself over and over. Not long after all this happened I found out she had been seeing the new coach at the new school though she still won't admit it even up to... checks notes today.
March 23 I get my first really big commission check I gave her 10k and we paid off her credit card, some other debt she had, some missed car payments and other bill help. Not long after that she tells me shes going to a cabin nearby where shes from with her sisters and nieces/nephews and asks me to watch her dog which I miss just as much as her so I do it. Mind you previous to this we went through a rough spot and she had blocked me on IG and never unblocked me. One of my cousins still followed her though, she hits me on snapchat saying "oh wow K looks amazing" I say "Oh yeah, does the cabin look nice?" She said "Cabin? Looks like shes at the beach" and sends me a screenshot of her IG post. I do my best FBI investigation and zoom in on her glasses, it appears to be a guy taking the picture based on the reflection from the frames and I kind of have an idea who I think it could be, come to find out, we'll call him JMJ also happens to be in Florida at the same time. So I call her out and tell her she needs to find someone to come get her dog and I'm done with her and her lies. She tells me "Oh my mom and dad are traveling across the country in their RV (WHICH THEY WERE) and so when you sent me that extra money after we paid the bills my sister and I decided to fly to Florida to spend some time with them on Spring Break"
She then breaks down and tells me how shes ruined the relationship with the last genuine person in her life and that when she gets back she'll get her dog and I'll never hear from her again. Master manipulator and while shes an amazing liar to someone who wants with every fiber of his being to believe him, is awful at hiding her lies. What do I do? Well I'm a fucking idiot so you can already imagine what I did. I begged her for once to just be honest with me. For once in our entire two years going back and forth that if she ever did truly love me or respect me for things I did for her that she would be honest. She told shes not dating anyone and doesn't have a boyfriend and that nothing has changed. I told her that even if she was seeing someone and told me about it I would help her out one last time only because I had committed to it. I told myself I was doing it for altruistic reasons, that because of all her issues that if I can do for her what I said I would do for her and that would help her out in her future relationships to show her that not everybody is it out to just fuck her and leave her, that when some people tell you they'll do something for you they mean it and she stops self sabotaging then I did my part.
A couple weeks ago was her 30th birthday. I see if she wants to grab dinner but she says one of her girl teacher friends is taking her to dinner in the galleria area. Check the guys IG story via an anonymous viewer and guess who happens to be at a restaurant in the galleria area? I don't even call her out because at this point Im making a plan. I get another rather large check in July and so we had previously talked about paying off the rest of her debt. She tells me shes going to her parents house for MDW and then that shes going out of town today with one of her old friends to New Orleans. This is when I realize just whats about to happen. Im about to have the answer to the question I thought I was dying to know the answer to. I told myself if he posts an IG story today where hes traveling, there is 0% chance that shes not with him. The first thing I see when I open IG is he posted a story... in Cancun. Then the next picture I see... her phone on the table next to him. Bingo. Send her an email saying "Hey I hope you have fun in Cancun!" and that was it. Almost immediately she texts me asking how I know and figured it out and I just saw red. I immediately opened up IG and sent him a message with texts, receipts, bank transfers, her telling me that she still loves me and we can go take a trip this summer, how many times shes asked me for money and help and the lies shes told me about him. She asks me to stop messaging him and I say that shes forever lost the option to ask ANYTHING of me but realize what Im doing is not the right thing and is hella immature so I send her another email saying I'm sorry and out of respect for her I wont say anything else to him.
Then he sends me a message on IG asking to elaborate more and then told me she told him I owed her a lot of money... I asked how much and for what and he said $2k for bills when we first got together. Thats when I sent him an entire list of all bank transactions through our bank and Apple Pay. Just digital alone, $18.647.00 over the last six months plus another $12,460.00 in cash over the last eight months. Then I realized just how little better this made me feel. In fact I thought I would feel triumphant, and ready to move on and finally be over her and start to heal. Knowing full damn and well keeping her around and helping her was keeping me from being able to heal and move on. I sent her another message telling her I was taking the last part of her birthday gift to her apartment and leaving it in the ottoman outside her door and that because I had already accounted for and mentally prepared for giving her money in July that I still would then I blocked and removed her from IG and anything else that would open up an avenue for contact.
Here we are. Starting NC again... a year and a half after we broke up all because I thought I needed the answers to what I didn't want to find out or know. And that yet again, my gut has yet to lie to me in regards to relationships. What is wrong with me? Why even after all of this do I still want her in my life and want her back? If she called me tomorrow needing help I'd probably still do it. How do I fix myself? I've gotten an entire new wardrobe, an entire home gym so I quit blaming my depression for why I didn't go to the gym, and have tried really hard to focus on myself yet I know deep down everything I'm doing, I'm still doing for hopes of her. I lied to myself and clouded my own gut and mind to listen to my heart when I knew what I already knew yet still felt the need to confirm it.
Its not worth it. IT. IS.NOT. WORTH. IT. Keep that door closed if you don't want to know whats on the other side. Don't open that book if you don't want to see whats written on that last page. If your gut is telling you something, its probably right. Listen to it. When your friends and family are telling you the same thing your gut is telling you, listen to them. Even if its killing you, even if its the last thing you want to do, even if its going to break your heart again and reopen any wounds for you to bleed out again it has to be done. Don't be like me. Don't prolong your suffering for a year and a half for hope that you know isn't going to shake out in your way regardless of what the other person might be telling you.
submitted by G00DKlDMAADCITY to ExNoContact [link] [comments]
Let’s start at the beginning. I wasn’t a good husband... hell I probably wasn't even a good person. I was selfish, inattentive to her needs, hid a painkiller addiction for many years and a copious amount of other issues. I wasn’t perfect though neither was she. We were happy though and together for a decade. I’ll preface this by saying that I’m the most non-jealous person in the world. I don’t care what you do with your friends, where you do it, and when as long as your honest. For example let’s say one of her friends invited her to go out of town or to do something for a weekend, it was like “hey are we doing anything this weekend? No? Okay I’m gonna go out of town with insert name here” and vice versa for me “hey are we doing anything this weekend? No? Okay I’m gonna go hunting with insert name here”. All that being said, again, not jealous AT ALL, but after the divorce and subsequent relationship I think my trust with SO coworkers is irreparably damaged.
His name was Joe, I heard through some of her other coworker friends he had a crush on my wife. Whatever, she got cheated on with her first love and couldn’t even watch movies or shows where someone cheats it would make her so angry. So I never thought twice about her going out with her coworkers. Now again, let me say I was not a good husband towards the end, and it took a long time and a lot of hurt and anger had to be let go to where I finally realized that I don’t fault her for finding solace in the arms of another, because she was a damn good wife, a damn good mother, and an even better person. And she deserved better. I relapsed after an incredibly awful start to 2018. I went and stayed at my moms and had to go over to the house to get some things. Her and my daughter were gone somewhere but her Apple Watch was there. My gut told me what I already knew, and what I knew was that I shouldn't look through it knowing what I would find. What did I find? That she was filing for divorce the next week and plenty of messages to Joe. I knew it was only a matter of time before they ended up together. Can you guess what happened? I had a decent amount of money saved up so I took a sabbatical from work that ended extending to almost two years
December 2018, Christmas morning. I had a plan, it was foolproof. I was going to facetime my daughter in the morning to tell her how much I loved her and missed her and had a very merry Christmas... and then I was going to go in my backyard and blow my brains out. So thats what I did. I called her, talked to her as best you can to a three year old in the midst of a post present high with her cousins there too. Then I walked out in my backyard with my favorite rifle and sat there. And sat there. And sat there. For six hours. I cried, I wept... I wept for me, for my kid who was going to grow up without her daddy. I wept for my ex-wife who was going to have to explain to my daughter why she wouldn't be able to see her daddy again. I wept for my family and the pain I was about to cause them I begged and screamed to God. That if they were real and I was meant for things in this life that they would show me a fucking sign. Show me ANYTHING that would show me whether this drastic choice would be the right one... or the wrong. For six hours in the freezing cold. Never did get an answer that I could recognize as one. But the thought of my kid calling the person my wife had AT LEAST an emotional affair with, "Dad" made me sick... and made me want to live.
I decided to check into rehab, not for drugs, but so I didn't kill myself. Ive always kind of been a natural leader. I don't know why or what it is about me but people tend to flock towards me and have really either one or two reactions. They either really like me, or they really fucking hate me. Here though everyone really liked me and I was put in charge of running the meetings held there and trying to keep morale of the folks there. And it was a great fucking time. It was a month vacation in a really nice area of the state, I didn't have a phone, only my guitar and the resolve to work through my emotions in a safe place the best way I know how, by writing songs about it. Which is exactly what I did both in the classes, AA Meetings, out of class, didn't matter I was just knocking out song after song. I met a kid in there with a killer voice and a guy around my age who actually was the lead singesongwriter for a local band I was a fan of so it ended up being a really enjoyable experience.. The kid though... he got murdered last year from a drug deal gone wrong. Shot in a car and left to die in the parking lot. I think about him almost every day.
What did I learn? I learned that I shouldn't go looking for things I don't want to find, or ask questions that I really want the true answer to. Or so I thought.
I met K in December 2020 on Hinge. I wasn't sure I was really over my ex wife but then when we met it was love at first sight. And for a guy that didn't think he was ever going to love anyone again it was a major deal. She felt the same it seemed, though I now realize it was probably more of a trauma bond/rebound type situation. Things went really well for the honeymoon phase, it was like we couldn't get enough of each other. She was a cheer coach/art teacher, it was new, it was exciting, the sex was great.. she was great... She had some pretty serious insecurities and abandonment issues though. Her mom dropped her off with what ended up being her adoptive family only to come back a few years later and take her away for a few months, then bring her back and drop her off again. She self sabotages and destroys anything good in her life for fear or being hurt and left by someone again. And she only dated guys that controlled her, treated her like shit, stole from her, etc etc. She took xanax and ambien which when it would kick in at first it seemed she was still cognizant. One night when I was staying over there she had taken it and asked me to look something up in her phone. As soon as I open it I see a text to a coach at the school she taught at that was just really inappropriate shit that made me feel uncomfortable, especially since he was married. I asked her about it when she off work the next day and she just downplayed it as they are wont to do. I let it go but its something I thought of often, especially after it ended.
We moved in together in August of 21. I helped her get a job at a school over on my side of town so we got a really nice apartment close to her work and not far from mine. Thats when things started to change. I'll never forget we were laying in bed on a Friday afternoon, I was about to go pick up my kid. I rolled over towards her side and propped myself up and looked at her for a second and thought how lucky am I, and so thats what I said out loud to her. Its like she recoiled like she got bit by a snake, bolted out of bed and said I was being clingy and essentially ran out the door where she ended up back on the other side of town and had dinner with a gay guy friend. I really didn't know what to do or how to take it so when I picked my kid up I took her over to my moms house and we stayed there until K called and asked me to come home so we could talk. I left my kid with my mom and went over there and she apologized and reiterated how she feels in relationships, the fear of being left, how independent she had to be because of her upbringing and a few other things.
Not long after that she forwarded me an email, I'm not even sure what she meant to send me if she even meant it to send to me because I never got around to asking. It was an email thread with the coach where she said "guess what?", "What? You're gonna have my baby?" "No I got Covid!". I confronted her about it, told her how it made me feel, and while she never really responded to it in a way that made me worry I still strongly disliked it and let her know that. Not long after that as we were laying in bed I saw she was texting someone exceptionally long paragraphs, you know the type, the type when you're first talking to someone and are explaining things about yourself to them? I'll spare the long part but come to find out shes found a new coach to have what appears to be an emotional affair with. Though come to find out this one ended up being physical. She broke up with me in January 22. Told me while I showed her love in a way she didn't know was possible, and treated her in a way nobody had ever treated her before that I was too good for her and deserved better. I tried to change her mind, lord knows I tried, I was madly in love. My kid was in love with her. We talked about a future I never thought possible after my divorce.
I moved out of the apartment and back to my moms until I could find a place. We talked occasionally and I spent so much time reading this sub and others. Posts about how to get her back, how to make her miss me, what to do and what not to do. When my work sabbatical ended I got my old job back. Its a great job, ridiculously easy and the amount of work I actually do compared to my compensation should be illegal. She lost her cheer stipend when we moved back to my side of town since she didn't coach and since we got the apt together I knew what her funds looked like. We got that place because we could afford it together, alone I knew she was going to struggle. And I still wanted her back... what better way to show her that and try to manifest it by just being there for her when she needed me? Little did I know that would be the only time she asked me anything. Only when she needed help, or was having an anxiety attack and needed someone to talk her off the ledge and tell her everything was going to be okay. It was never her asking how I was doing, or my kid, or my dog, or what was going on in my life. Everyone told me what my gut had already told me but I lied to myself over and over. Not long after all this happened I found out she had been seeing the new coach at the new school though she still won't admit it even up to... checks notes today.
March 23 I get my first really big commission check I gave her 10k and we paid off her credit card, some other debt she had, some missed car payments and other bill help. Not long after that she tells me shes going to a cabin nearby where shes from with her sisters and nieces/nephews and asks me to watch her dog which I miss just as much as her so I do it. Mind you previous to this we went through a rough spot and she had blocked me on IG and never unblocked me. One of my cousins still followed her though, she hits me on snapchat saying "oh wow K looks amazing" I say "Oh yeah, does the cabin look nice?" She said "Cabin? Looks like shes at the beach" and sends me a screenshot of her IG post. I do my best FBI investigation and zoom in on her glasses, it appears to be a guy taking the picture based on the reflection from the frames and I kind of have an idea who I think it could be, come to find out, we'll call him JMJ also happens to be in Florida at the same time. So I call her out and tell her she needs to find someone to come get her dog and I'm done with her and her lies. She tells me "Oh my mom and dad are traveling across the country in their RV (WHICH THEY WERE) and so when you sent me that extra money after we paid the bills my sister and I decided to fly to Florida to spend some time with them on Spring Break"
She then breaks down and tells me how shes ruined the relationship with the last genuine person in her life and that when she gets back she'll get her dog and I'll never hear from her again. Master manipulator and while shes an amazing liar to someone who wants with every fiber of his being to believe him, is awful at hiding her lies. What do I do? Well I'm a fucking idiot so you can already imagine what I did. I begged her for once to just be honest with me. For once in our entire two years going back and forth that if she ever did truly love me or respect me for things I did for her that she would be honest. She told shes not dating anyone and doesn't have a boyfriend and that nothing has changed. I told her that even if she was seeing someone and told me about it I would help her out one last time only because I had committed to it. I told myself I was doing it for altruistic reasons, that because of all her issues that if I can do for her what I said I would do for her and that would help her out in her future relationships to show her that not everybody is it out to just fuck her and leave her, that when some people tell you they'll do something for you they mean it and she stops self sabotaging then I did my part.
A couple weeks ago was her 30th birthday. I see if she wants to grab dinner but she says one of her girl teacher friends is taking her to dinner in the galleria area. Check the guys IG story via an anonymous viewer and guess who happens to be at a restaurant in the galleria area? I don't even call her out because at this point Im making a plan. I get another rather large check in July and so we had previously talked about paying off the rest of her debt. She tells me shes going to her parents house for MDW and then that shes going out of town today with one of her old friends to New Orleans. This is when I realize just whats about to happen. Im about to have the answer to the question I thought I was dying to know the answer to. I told myself if he posts an IG story today where hes traveling, there is 0% chance that shes not with him. The first thing I see when I open IG is he posted a story... in Cancun. Then the next picture I see... her phone on the table next to him. Bingo. Send her an email saying "Hey I hope you have fun in Cancun!" and that was it. Almost immediately she texts me asking how I know and figured it out and I just saw red. I immediately opened up IG and sent him a message with texts, receipts, bank transfers, her telling me that she still loves me and we can go take a trip this summer, how many times shes asked me for money and help and the lies shes told me about him. She asks me to stop messaging him and I say that shes forever lost the option to ask ANYTHING of me but realize what Im doing is not the right thing and is hella immature so I send her another email saying I'm sorry and out of respect for her I wont say anything else to him.
Then he sends me a message on IG asking to elaborate more and then told me she told him I owed her a lot of money... I asked how much and for what and he said $2k for bills when we first got together. Thats when I sent him an entire list of all bank transactions through our bank and Apple Pay. Just digital alone, $18.647.00 over the last six months plus another $12,460.00 in cash over the last eight months. Then I realized just how little better this made me feel. In fact I thought I would feel triumphant, and ready to move on and finally be over her and start to heal. Knowing full damn and well keeping her around and helping her was keeping me from being able to heal and move on. I sent her another message telling her I was taking the last part of her birthday gift to her apartment and leaving it in the ottoman outside her door and that because I had already accounted for and mentally prepared for giving her money in July that I still would then I blocked and removed her from IG and anything else that would open up an avenue for contact.
Here we are. Starting NC again... a year and a half after we broke up all because I thought I needed the answers to what I didn't want to find out or know. And that yet again, my gut has yet to lie to me in regards to relationships. What is wrong with me? Why even after all of this do I still want her in my life and want her back? If she called me tomorrow needing help I'd probably still do it. How do I fix myself? I've gotten an entire new wardrobe, an entire home gym so I quit blaming my depression for why I didn't go to the gym, and have tried really hard to focus on myself yet I know deep down everything I'm doing, I'm still doing for hopes of her. I lied to myself and clouded my own gut and mind to listen to my heart when I knew what I already knew yet still felt the need to confirm it.
Its not worth it. IT. IS.NOT. WORTH. IT. Keep that door closed if you don't want to know whats on the other side. Don't open that book if you don't want to see whats written on that last page. If your gut is telling you something, its probably right. Listen to it. When your friends and family are telling you the same thing your gut is telling you, listen to them. Even if its killing you, even if its the last thing you want to do, even if its going to break your heart again and reopen any wounds for you to bleed out again it has to be done. Don't be like me. Don't prolong your suffering for a year and a half for hope that you know isn't going to shake out in your way regardless of what the other person might be telling you.