Illinois high school girls basketball rankings

Hello everyone, I am an exmuslim and 18 yo girl. I live with my family and I didn't finish high school because I was in a very bad mental health, they were always discussing, and I was no will to keep living, this made me very depressed and I stopped caring of myself, stopped having friends and even going out, they would threat me of marrying me off to a guy who is my father's friend and is 58.
I found a way of having a high school diploma which is doing A levels. I have been studying them for a year and I am still not prepared, but they are forcing me to do the exam this year because they don't want their family members to know that I failed high school ( I was known for being very smart and responsible but the environment influenced me a lot in a negative way). They want me to do the exams and study in a university that is near our city, because they want me to keep living with them until I get married. Also to note, I have a scholarship when I was in 10th grade which was around 1000$ and I am still having it in case something happens, but my parents obviously want me to pay my A level exams with my money.
I tried to have a job but I can't, they require experience and most importantly a bank account, I don't have one because my parents didn't let me, and even if I had one and started earning money, the bank would take it from me because my family is in a huge debt and the bank takes the money from every member of the family, they count me as a member too because I am still living with them. They also receive a welfare and as a law they can't have other income, if they have one they would take the welfare from them and give them even more debt, so if I start having money they would take it away.
I don't have friends because I isolated myself a lot, I don't go out, I live in a rural area, so the town is very small and there's nothing to do, if I want to go to another city I need money, and my parents never give me money, because they say that I don't need it.
I really want to escape and live my life but I don't know how, they are religious and toxic, there's no privacy and no respect, they never respect your feelings.
I need help, if someone has a solution that I hadn't thought of please tell me, I don't want to give up.
Thank you

Let me give you some background about myself. I’m a Male, 21. I’m still a virgin, not because I’m insecure, but because I haven’t felt attached to somebody. I went vegan at 18 for moral reasons, but I have no problem talking to or hanging out with people who aren’t. It’s just not something that I openly like to talk about. I think I’m decently attractive, and some people even say that I am very attractive. Girls do flirt with me in public settings sometimes, but I’ve never been asked outright for my number or something like that. I’m active and I workout, I eat very clean, I have a job and soon I will have 2, I have a car, and I live in a pretty nice place with my grandparents to help them out and save money at the same time. When I was in high school there were a lot of girls that did like me, and I was relatively popular. The problem was that I was extremely shy and awkward, because I’ve never had a female in my life before. I didn’t have a mom (she left me at a young age and was in and out of my life for a long time). Even though I live with my grandparents we aren’t close at all and never have been. I’m not on good terms with my dad either. I don’t have any relationships with anybody. Im not on social media, besides rarely using Snapchat or scrolling through Instagram on my private account. All my life, the only thing that I’ve ever wanted, has been a true relationship with a female. Someone to spend all my time with, someone that would care about me, someone that would hold me, someone that would be there for me on my worst days. Now, it’s starting to feel like that will never happen. The pain and hurt I feel on a daily basis over this, I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It’s gotten so bad recently that I constantly lose sleep over it. I would like someone that has been through some type of hardship with me. I feel like if I get to where I want to be, and then I get into a relationship, it won’t feel as legitimate. I’ve been homeless, I’ve been broke, and I’ve got myself out of some seriously dark mental spaces. I cry a lot when I’m by myself, it’s almost every night now. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I fall really easily for someone if I like them. I respond to texts fast. I’m very emotionally intelligent. It just seems like I will never have THAT relationship. You know when you see a really good couple and you wish you had THAT with somebody. It just feels like it won’t happen.

Hi
Asian male STEM about to start high school. Both high schools in my area are stem focussed and known to have great results. If I chose the most sought after school where all super achiever kids goto with parents in academia then I expect to be in 80th percentile of my class. I prefer this school and will have some of my good friends joining that school. School also matches my vibe and is closer. I also feel that I will learn more from my teachers and peers. The other school is also rated very highly and is stem focussed. As fewer high achievers chose this other school and faculty in stem while great is not as strong as my favorite school. I will definitely be in top 95th-99th percentile. I am confused about which school I should chose as I am unsure if my relative positioning in my class / school will have much significance in my college admission cycle? My SAT score will be similar in both schools.
Thank you for reading and please share your thoughts .

So I wrote this. Recycled ideas, but eventually all of this will be cited. It's basically my own CES Letter. The formatting is weird because this is coming over from Notion.
I had to write this out to start my own deconstruction anyway, but giving it to my spouse will be interesting. Read it if you want. Critique it if you want. I just had to get this out into the universe.
​

1. The concept that the Church can lie to you
   
   1. Rather than being told the entire truth about Joseph Smith’s death, we are told that he is innocent of any crime and that he went to deliver himself up. The truth of the matter is, Joseph Smith was in jail for destroying the property of William Law, who was creating a newspaper called the Nauvoo Expositor. He ordered the printing press be destroyed and violated the first amendment, as well as destroying another’s property. The newspaper exposed polygamy and many of the other immoralities of the Church. On the surface, this lie doesn’t seem egregious, but D&C 135 section mentions that Joseph was a martyr for the religion, and I was always taught this. However, he didn’t deliver himself up to be killed and it wasn’t because he was a “mormon”; it was because he broke the law and had angered a mob. All of this was a direct result of him practicing polygamy and yielding so much power.
   2. The method of translating the Book of Mormon was largely misrepresented to me as a youth, missionary, and young adult. I was always taught, whether through art or articles, that Joseph used the Gold Plates to translate the Book of Mormon.
   3. However, upon widespread discovery of further quotes and scrutiny, in 2014 the Church admitted that the translation was done through a rock and a hat. This is justified by quoting the Book of Mormon where it talks about bringing forth a stone to shine forth in the darkness. (Alma 37:23-24). The methods of translation accounts differ from each other. Martin Harris saying they were done by sitting across the table. Oliver Cowdery saying it was done by the urim and thummim or two stones and spectacles. To be clear, I am okay with some ambiguity surrounding the translation, or it being by the power of God. What I’m not okay with is the church deceiving how it was done until the internet era forced them to release the Gospel Topic Essays on this subject.
   4. The implementation of polygamy. a. Left ambiguous for a reason. How Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, Wilford Woodruff, Heber C. Kimball and many other high ranking church members took many wives including teenage wives. The church’s essay on this topic refers to Helen Mar Kimball, a 14 year old, as “several months before her 15th birthday.” In fact, they even say that Helen said it was for “eternity alone” but that is an out of context poem from Helen’s journal. There is no proof of sexual relations, but there are proof in many other relatoinships, including Fanny Alger, Joseph’s first “wife” that Oliver Cowdery called a filthy affair. He was excommunicated partly due to that statement. b. Joseph Smith wrote a letter to 19-year old Nancy Rigdon propositioning her to marry him after she denied his appeal in 1842. This letter is quoted in General Conference many times over the years, “Happiness is the object and design of our existence, and will be the end thereof if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.” He then goes on to tell her that we cannot obey the commandments if we don’t know them and what seems wrong, can actually be right in certain circumstances. He quotes the times God has contradicted Himself in the scriptures. This letter is gross. Note that it comes right before the plural marriage revelation D&C 132. c. Joseph claimed that an angel with a drawn sword made him marry Zina Huntington Jacobs, despite her engagement to Henry Jacobs. He sent Henry on missions. She did stay faithful and was eventually sealed to Brigham Young, who also subsequently sent Henry Jacobs on missions. d. This doesn’t even take into account the actions of preceeding prophets who were married to dozens of women, sealed to hundreds, and many of them were underage. Wilford Woodruff for instance sealed himself to a 6 year old girl who had passed away, inexplicably. Maybe he didn’t know? Maybe he did? Who knows.
   5. D&C 132- Joseph Smith was sealed to over 20 wives before being sealed to Emma. He denied being polygamous publicly multiple times and the relief society (of which, Emma was president) wrote a letter condemning polygamy, while one of the presidency members was sealed to Joseph.
      1. Law of Sarah was violated before it was ever implemented
      2. Joseph performing a second marriage to the Whitney sisters after Emma approved it.
      3. Women must be virgins, while Joseph was married to other married women (at least 2).
      4. Abraham was not commanded by God to practice plural marriage, he was asked by Sarah to marry Hagoth because Sarah was barren.
      5. Additionally, Jacob condemns polygamy in the Book of Mormon but then God okays it in the D&C 132, both of them specifically citing the examples of Soloman and David.
      6. Plural marriage is the “new and everlasting covenant” implying that plural marriage in the celestial kingdom will be the new and everlasting covenant and required.
      7. 5. Historicity of the Book of Abraham There is an entire Gospel Topics Essay on this but the background is as follows. A guy named Michael Chandler shows up in Kirland with mummies and a bunch of scrolls. They were unearthed by Napoleon’s raiding of the Egyptian catacombs. Joseph believes that they are scrolls that contained writings of Abraham. He begins translation in 1835 and publishes it in May of 1842. The odds that these mummies, coming from a salesman who had a lot to gain, containing the written word of Abraham has always seemed really fortunate. In the Pearl of Great Price, the heading says they are penned by “the hand of Abraham” but according to scholars in and out of the church, they were written much later. “These fragments date to between the third century B.C.E. and the first century C.E., long after Abraham lived.” Not only is it not written by Abraham’s hand, it is also not anything to do with Abraham. In Joseph’s time, the Rosetta Stone had not been widely discovered. He began translating this book and now, experts know that these are standard funerary texts. The Facsimiles (pictures) have nothing to do with the sacrifice of Abraham. Everyone virtually agrees that what is on the remains of the scroll (most of which was lost in the Chicago fire but then recovered), is not what Joseph translated. This casts a large shadow of doubt on Joseph’s ability to translate. The Church is admitting that Joseph translated incorrectly. The only way to reconcile this is that Joseph used these scrolls to channel the Spirit to record what is in the Book of Abraham today. The doctrines in Abraham largely expand on the Genesis story but go deeper in doctrines about plurality of Gods and the creation of the universe and stars. Some of this goes against the Book of Mormon’s view of God. The Authenticity of the Book of Mormon
      8. This is arguably the largest domino that needs to stay in place. Here are a few quotes demonstrating the absolute necessity of the Book of Mormon being an authentic history of the peoples on this continent.
      9. “The Book of Mormon is God’s compelling witness of the divinity of Jesus Christ, the prophetic calling of Joseph Smith, and the absolute truth of this Church.” - Tad R. Callister
      10. “The Book of Mormon is the most important religious text to be revealed from God to man ‘since the writings of the New Testament were compiled nearly two millennia ago.’ Joseph Smith declared the Book of Mormon to be “the most correct of any book on earth, and the keystone of our religion.” It is the only book that the Lord Himself has testified to be true.” - President Nelson
      11. “I testify that one cannot come to full faith in this latter-day work—and thereby find the fullest measure of peace and comfort in these, our times—until he or she embraces the divinity of the Book of Mormon and the Lord Jesus Christ, of whom it testifies…and if he or she leaves this Church, it must be done by crawling over or under or around the Book of Mormon to make that exit. In that sense the book is what Christ Himself was said to be: “a stone of stumbling, … a rock of offence,” a barrier in the path of one who wishes not to believe in this work.” - Jeffrey R. Holland.
      12. "All that we have, all that we do hinge on the truth of that account of the boy Joseph Smith. If it is true, then everything that we have in this Church is true and is more precious and worth more than anything else on earth. If it is false, we are engaged in the greatest fraud that was ever perpetrated on earth.” - Gordon B Hinckley
      13. So with all that being said, this is my biggest stumbling block. I will begin with my own issues with the book that happened long before I was ever introduced to anything outside of approved Church material.
      14. The Sermon on the Mount given to the Nephites in 3 Nephi matches almost exactly to the one given in Matthew, with slight changes. He sets up a church similar to the one set up with Peter. But, the only issue is years later, Joseph Smith writes the JST and corrects different things in the Matthew version of the Sermon. But, if the Book of Mormon is the most correct book on earth, wouldn’t the writings have been exactly what the Savior meant?
      15. 2 Nephi 3 - Book of Mormon writes Joseph into the text relating a prophecy given to Joseph in Egypt, saying that a choice seer will be raised up and he will be named the Joseph after his father. 2 Nephi 3: 14-16
      16. There is a huge time lapse between Jarom and Omni to get us into Mosiah. 399 BC to 130 BC. The prophets basically write nothing and it seems like it’s just a transition to get to Mosiah.
      17. Ammon chopping off a ton of arms and all the people bring them to the king. The story of Ammon in general is crazy. The King is struck down for 3 days and his wife thinks he is dead. Then, Ammon converts this king who then goes and rescues Ammon’s brothers from another king.
      18. Other direct copies from the New Testament and Paul specifically found in the Book of Mormon. Moroni 7 is basically the same phrasing and concepts taught in 1 Corinthians 13. 2 Nephi 4:17 says “O wrteched man that I am” matches exactly to Romans 7:24.
      19. Alma the Younger’s story mirrors Paul the apostles history almost exactly. Both are destroying the church, get struck down by an Angel, go on to become amazing missionaries and even both appear before King’s and wicked people.
      20. The concepts taught in the Book of Mormon are basically christian. They are practicing Christianity as soon as middle of Mosiah, which is like 100BC. They are baptizing and confirming with the Holy Ghost. However, since Christ hadn’t fulfilled the law of Moses and they should’ve been practicing the Mosaic law. The book contains basically zero Mosaic and Hebrew traditions, which Lehi and his family would have been sharply familiar with. Instead, they practice Christianity before Jesus had even been born or practiced the Atonement.
      21. Joseph Smith almost never quotes from it. In fact, I’ve searched and searched and only found him reference it maybe once or twice. If this book is so important, shouldn’t it had been quoted from extensively. It doesn’t become a huge focus until basically the 1980s with Ezra Taft Benson started “flooding the earth with the Book of Mormon.” I’ve read Brigham Young’s entire Discourses of Brigham Young and he rarely mentions the Book of Mormon. While this proves very little, it just intensifies the idea to me that Joseph wrote it and did not consider it authentic scripture, even for himself.
      22. King Zedekiah Problem - The timeline of when Nephi left Jerusalem in the reign of King Zedekiah in preparation for the destruction of Jerusalem. But, King Nebuchednezzar had already invaded Judah twice by 599BC., two years prior to the Book of Mormon. He then Installed Zedekiah (formerly known as Mattaniah) as King of Jerusalem (2 Kings 24:11-18). So what does this mean?
      23. I will leave out the potential influences here because I do not think they are helpful nor likely to be true source material for the Book of Mormon. I think they are largely speculation and created just to create doubt without much validity or true sources. Do we know if Joseph accessed these works? Not really. But, it’s possible. There are a myriad of other problems with the Book of Mormon when examined scientifically, but that doesn’t really bother me so much. The church has an essay on DNA of Israelites not being in “Lamanite” or native american blood, despite many church leaders preaching that for years. It’s even included in the Book of Mormon title page until like 2006 or something. Additionally, Joseph Smith almost never quotes or teaches from the Book of Mormon. If it’s the most correct book of any on the earth, why is he not basing his sermons off these stories and scriptures?
      24. The Book of Mormon require that 3 key events from the Bible be literal events: a global flood in the times of Noah that covered the entire earth, Adam and Eve in the garden, and different languages occuring because God cursed people at the Tower of Babel.
      25. When I read the Book of Mormon, if I view it from a purely protestant view, it matches up doctrinally. In fact, it matches more purely with a presbyterian or methodist view of the atonement and doctrines (including the original trinitarian concepts taught in the Book before changes by Joseph Smith in 1837, eight years after the Book of Mormon was published and his first vision account that mentions God and Jesus being separate beings)
      26. The Charles Anthon Story is posed as a faith promoting story and prophecy fulfillment of Isaiah 29:11-12, where the learned wouldn’t be able to read a sealed book. So here’s the Church Narrative as found in JSH.
      27. Once i take off my believing member hat and look at this story objectively, it looks to me like complete and total BS. I am honestly insulted that this was taught and passed off to me as some amazing prophecy of Isaiah that was passed on to me.

Disavowed teachings and behavior of former prophets and leaders.

1. Brigham Young
   1. Adam-God theory was taught in the temple and considered straight doctrine by the “prophet” Brigham Young.
   2. Blood Atonement was also taught in the early Utah days
   3. Brigham taught that no man can receive the highest exaltation without taking on extra wives.
   4. Brigham young definitely was in approval (either before or after) of the Mountain Meadows Massacre, which is the slaughtering of innocent immigrants heading west. They luckily spared the smallest children and raised them Mormon. He scapegoated John D Lee who suffered the death penalty, despite being rewarded with “wives” by Brigham Young prior to that. Hmmmm
2. Blacks and the Priesthood
   1. So so so many quotes could go under here talking about how black people would never receive priesthood or temple covenants. The list could go on. I don’t need to repeat them all but in the Gospel Topics Essays, the Church disavows all racist teachings from the past.
   2. Book of Mormon and Abraham still talk about the curse of dark skin. The Lamanites are cursed but then will become “white and delightsome” as they repent (according to Spencer W. Kimball)
   3. How many prophets were completely wrong on this topic? Even after the Civil Rights movement which was going on 15 years earlier. The Church always seeems to be a step behind.
3. Polygamy
   1. Again, I could write a book on how much early leaders emphasized the heavenly requirement for a man to have multiple wives.
   2. Wilford Woodruff was sealed to like a 200 something wives on his birthday, including a six year old who had passed away. This can be found on FamilySearch
   3. The leaders of the Church didn’t stop practicing polygamy until around 1910, which is 20 years after the Manifesto, forced upon them by the US Government. This policy change wasn’t inspiration — to was a matter of the Mormons keeping their stuff or not.
4. Science
   1. Age of the Earth — Joseph Smith says that the earth has a temporal existence of 7,000 years before it will receive it’s eternal glory. This was a common thought back then and ties back into the Old Testament timeline. I was taught this in Seminary. Going back to Adam and Seth, then to Abraham and to modern day. It all lines up so that the Second Coming will be happening soon.
   2. Adam + Eve — This one is very hard for me to get past because the proof is indisputable: human life did not begin 6,000 years ago by two human beings. There was physical death long before it was introduced by the partaking of the forbidden fruit. It is fact. To deny it would be like denying that the Earth is round or orbits the Sun. So is this an allegory? Well Joseph Smith down to current general authorities have taught that this is LITERAL. The temple clearly emphasizes this. This is something BIG to get wrong. Considering Joseph Smith taught that it happened in the garden of Eden which was in Missouri.
   3. Noah’s Ark — This has to be literal as it is in the Book of Mormon as a fact. It’s also been “revealed” to have been a literal, global flood that covered the earth and cleansed the earth of all inhabitants. We also have doctrine in our church that says modern day revelation has confirmed this fact. But, this “story” is largely based on the Babylonian tale “The Epic of Gilgamesh.” It was recorded before the Hebrew Bible recorded the tale of Noah. The stories are earily similar and there are so many throughout other cultures of a great flood. Maybe that makes it more likely? Or maybe it was just a prevailing thought in that time period. Either way, scientific evidence knows that Noah’s Ark never happened because a huge flood never happened. And ask yourself, how in the world would they get all the animals on a boat? Is this really realistic?
   4. Tower of Babel — This is the genesis of the Jaredites. The Lord was confounding the language of the people, so the Brother of Jared goes and asks that they are spared. Eventually they are led to the Americas (which has a host of other problems). But, this story has to be literal because that’s exactly what’s happening in the Jaredite civilization to lead them to cross the ocean. But language evolved over tens of thousands of years and had nothing to do with a tower in around 2500 BC.
   5. Evolution — This fact goes along with Adam and Eve. Modern day prophets have disavowed this fact. In fact, Joseph Fielding Smit said “If evolution is true, the church is false” in Doctrines of Salvation, which was written while he was the prophet.

​

1. Sexual Assault Cover Ups - This one is pretty self explanatory. There are hundreds of occasions and the most recent ones in the news are pretty disgusting. The fact that the Church didn’t report, and had systems in place to protect itself rather than the victims, makes me sick.
   
2. First Vision Accounts - In many Church media films and the way I was taught at a young age, Joseph had the first vision and then was mocked by the people of Palmyra for believing in visions. I had not idea that this was not the case. In fact, Joseph never wrote anything down until 1832. The accounts from 1832, 1835, 1838, and 1842 paint a picture of someone who was expanding, molding, and letting this vision evolve. The reasons why he went out to pray in the trees changes. First, it’s to receive a remission of his sins. He also says in that account that he’s already concluded that the church’s of his day are fallen. Then it evolves. He also says the Lord appears. Then it’s angels. Then it’s the Lord and His Father. He mentions that it had never entered his heart that they were all wrong in the Canonized JSH we have in the Pearl of Great Price. But, then he says he already knew they were wrong in earlier versions? In fact, Asa Wild and Norris Stearns have visions in 1815 and 1823 in the same area as Joseph Smith and the verbiage used is similar. Norris Stearns says, “At length, as I lay apparently upon the brink of eternal woe, seeing nothing but death before me, suddenly there came a sweet flow of the love of God to my soul, which gradually increased. At the same time, there appeared a small gleam of light in the room, above the brightness of the sun, then at his meridian, which grew brighter and brighter: As this light and love increased, my sins began to separate, and the Mountain [of sin] removed towards the east. At length, being in an ecstasy of joy, I turned to the other side of the bed, (whether in the body or out I cannot tell, God knoweth) there I saw two spirits, which I knew at the first sight. But if I had the tongue of an Angel I could not describe their glory, for they brought the joys of heaven with them. One was God, my Maker, almost in bodily shape like a man. His face was, as it were a flame of Fire, and his body, as it had been a Pillar and a Cloud. In looking steadfastly to discern features, I could see none, but a small glimpse would appear in some other place. Below him stood Jesus Christ my Redeemer, in perfect shape like a man-His face was not ablaze, but had the countenance of fire, being bright and shining. His Father’s will appeared to be his! All was condescension, peace, and love!”
   

Ultimately, all of these issues paint a picture, right? The character flaws and mistranslations of Joseph Smith, along with the setting in which he was raised all take away from his prophetic ability. There are more issues that I haven’t even touched on. LGBT issues, the treatment of women, the kinderhook plates, etc. There are more issues touched on in the CES Letter. But, these are things that stick in my mind when I try to imagine believing the Church is true again.
I believe Joseph Smith started writing the Book of Mormon to make money. Then, when it got close to publishing, he decided to start a religion. With the help of Sidney Rigdon, the Church grew and he introduced different aspects of "the Restoration" and eventually the power went to his head.
Being "prophet" brought him three things key for cult leaders. Money. Sex. Power. He got his living taken care of and people built him a house. He had around 40 polygamous wives and preyed on underage girls. He was dubbed king of the world by the Council of the 50 and was Mayor of Nauvoo.
How can I conclude anything other than him being a cult leader? This barely even touches on Brigham and the subsequent prophets that made huge mistakes.

If my bf"?" sees this please go.
First of all, I'm somehow in grade 9 and I don't fucking know anything almost 4 or 5 years I don't fucking know how I pass my classes I don't read I don't learn I'm a piece of shit and lazy. I'm an autistic piece of shit that has an considerably high iq but for nothing I don't know how to learn, but I still have good grades. Only thing that keeps me alive is airsoft, that starts to annoy me due to rather toxic community and I don't have any fields near me only 1.
My father calls me terrorist, psychopath and what not due to likeing guns and have an "obsession" with airsoft and guns, I enjoy working on guns and can call me a tech but guess what! No fucking one in my life hears me or takes me seriously, I'm having an amazing trust issues but I say private things to people because I start to don't care and know it will end soon so it would not matter for me. My country is shit, and extremely consecutive and homofobic and what not, looking at you piece of shit Romania ! Everyone says I'm ugly I'm fat or I'm a taliban in beginning. Everything is wrong with me, no social skills no future, and I cant controll myself. I wanna sleep again and again and again, I'm on medication (anti psychotic and zoloft) and I hate knowing those pills can't do anything serious to me, cutting isn't an option and I don't know how I can reach high buildings to just jump. I have an very harsh addiction to adrenaline, due to an attempt of killing myself by jumping not high enough building and surviving and had lots of pain and surgerys, and I want a peaceful or fast death method, I have 99,9% isopropyl alcohol that I use for cleaning guns, it can kill me but very slowly and extremely painfull. No one's like me, and you say o you aren't like that, man I'm annoying as fuck, I talk too much about airsoft or things I like, I have extremely need to release adrenaline since I had that attempt due to release of very very much adrenaline, and here comes airsoft that helps this but not enough, I do dangerous stuff to test my limit, climb things that I can't go down eazy or just running until I can feel my heart dying due to too high BPM. I do graffiti, I can call me a beginner graffiti artist, I do this just to release this adrenaline because you know illegal and people can kill you/beat you and bad stuff so you need to run fast and alot and this thing release adrenaline. Even try to see how much I resist burning myself or doing stuff that hurts but can't cut myself I mentally can't do this, but do pain with cold water, hot water, or stuff like this.
An knowing that I'm a useless stuff I'm starting to consume less food to feed other family members that do more than me, also knowing that I will never be a girl, or at least a cute one (but still an egg). Or never be a real man, I'm basically nothing nothing of every gender identity, I will never look very masculine, feminine , androgynous or what not. I feel that I'm way too average and I don't like this I like to do stupid stuff to get out of this or like I said do airsoft I tend to buy weird guns and try to modify them to extrem that they can't do that very easily because everything is way to average and boring. I'm not even funny, my humor is sometimes way to dark, my interests are weird, everything is wrong with me.
I'm that bad at everything that no one can abuse me of something I can do or look NO ONE. Sometime I get jealous because people get abused on something that they look or do because I know no ones what me, I just waste air,food,water,space everything. I go to therapy but can't even say anything like this because parents will know instantly, and what they will do? Take my phone and everything, putting keyloggers and reading all my messages like 0 privacy (they have history of this) and I think it is happening this because 0 privacy except confiscating my phone, my parents read all I write, search daily and multiple times in my room, my door is never closed, EVEN IN THE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE PRIVECY If you see this dad FUCK YOU! You did a great job destroying me! By leaving! By ignoring me! By destroying my stuff! Everything you do is "just to protect me" sometime you better don't know every aspect of my life ! And of course mom, from what I know you don't know English but I suspect it is a lie, if you do or don't I don't care you are EXTREMELY OVER PROTECTING ME you are going to extrem I can't have anything with you knowing I can't talk to someone, or at leat when I'm coming from high-school just don't manipulate me to say every second that happed. I hate you less than my dad but still hate you. If someone I think will sufer from my death is guess what? NO ONE HAHA I don't have friends, neither online, everyone ghost me :)) I'm way to insane I'm afraid from what I will do to me. I have nothing in future I want to wait to see how it will be. sadly for my bf I'm losing my sentiments due to just ghosting me randomly, I know you try to say you are busy but come on, 5 minutes you can't say hi, I'm good , I love u, gn, gm? Almost every time I start the conversation. TLDR: 🦍

I’ll (24f) start from the beginning. So I have questioned my sexuality a few times (first time in high school). Growing up I only ever had crushes on guys. I honestly don’t think I have ever had a crush on a girl- there definitely were some that made me insecure and some that were good friends I enjoyed hanging out with but I really don’t think I had crushes on them. I was also never a very sexual person and I was always super nervous around guys. I went through one phase of watching “porn” on twitter (lol cringe) in eighth grade that aroused me. But beforehand and after that very short experience I never had a sex drive (libido) and I don’t think I experience sexual attraction. I never had the desire to watch porn anything either, and sex scenes in shows/movies made me feel uncomfortable (but this may be just because I was questioning)
I think the part that is most confusing to me is that I think I have very strong aesthetic attraction to women. I definitely see women I think are pretty all the time, especially in media, but I don’t think I ever had the thought or feeling like I wanted to touch them sexually. I have also been aroused by women’s bodies before, not a lot but a few times. I don’t have this same strong attraction to men, but it grows a lot with romantic attraction. I don’t get repulsed by the idea of sex with a women but I don’t particularly desire it either and I don’t think about it unless I’m anxious or stressed about me questioning my sexuality, like the idea only comes to my head during those times.
Since being sexually actively with past boyfriends, the idea does stress me out, since I’ve had issues with pain for most of my time being active and having to stop sex in the middle of it leaves me feeling guilty and I hate that feeling. So many people say to experiment, but I genuinely have no desire to. If I never had sex again, I’d be fine with that. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy pleasing my partners and sex is fine with me as long as it doesn’t hurt, but it’s not something I particularly crave. I’ve been horny once in my entire life (idk of it was triggered by something), but my bf at the time was who I wanted to have sex with and I was fulfilled so idk. Idk i feel like I’m asexual and that identity gave me peace for a while but then sometimes anxiety kicks in and I feel like I’m lying to myself and I can’t pick a side bc romantically I fall for men, but in the past I definitely notice women’s bodies more. I’m also single so the idea of not knowing what to tell future partners stresses me out

Steve being a Podiatrist on Fuller House came out of nowhere. And they make it out like he's so big into feet, like when the basketball player comes over and puts his bare feet on the coffee table, and Steve has a hard time containing himself. He never cared about feet on Full House. Would've made more sense if he became the Wrestling Coach for the high school. Or since he was such a foodie, if he became a food blogger or chef.

So, I’m a femme lesbian and 21 y/o. I came out to my friends and family when I was 19, back in 2021. And before that, I basically knew for sure that I was lesbian when I was around 14/15, but stayed in the closet throughout high school and most of my time in college.
And recently, I’ve started to become really depressed whenever I think of all the things I wanted to do back when I was a teenager, but never did specifically because I wasn’t out yet…
Like, I would’ve absolutely loved to become a cheerleader in high school, as a kid, it was my biggest dream to be a cheerleader. But I was afraid that the girls in our cheer-team would find out I was a lesbian and would out me, or feel uncomfortable around me in the changing rooms - which I obviously think is ridiculous now, but back then, that fear was very real.
It’s stuff like that that makes me all sad to think about now… It really feels like I’m “mourning” the things I never experienced during my teen years, because I was still in the closet.
Has anybody else experienced this feeling or am I going crazy?

Idk if this is the right place might sound a little quora-esque.
TLDR: I want to pursue power electronics as a career in India, however, the salary on the internet looks low for a mid-career salary compared to software roles. It would be nice if someone could tell me about the salary progression of a power electronics engineer with experience. (With numbers would be nice) And in case the salaries are low should I shift to software or MBA for the sake of money and give up my interest? (I don’t mind staying in power electronics if the mid-career salaries is, for example, 30L-45L).
Whole story if you are interested:
So, a little bit about me I did my B.Tech from NIT-K in EEE (2022), in my B. Tech I developed an interest in power electronics and my eventual plan was to get a master’s from abroad mostly in the USA but I was open to other countries. Due to uncertainties in 2022, I thought it would be better if I work for a year and two and then go for a master’s in a year or two. The place I work pay is pretty bad (I work in start-up and do research interns on the side), but I don’t have to support anyone, so I manage. Also, I gave GATE in 2023 (due to my family kept on asking me to try to get into PSUs) I did study hard, and my rank was pretty good, but my mind set to do a master’s outside, and I didn’t think much about GATE after the test.
Eventually, things changed right now I prefer if I settle in India for now. I was looking into IISc, I was told by my friends about IISc, and it seems like the I place I’d want to study. I happen to be friends with one of the profs (he was my school senior) and how he described compared to IITs and NITs (he spoke from experiences in these institutions) it was a perfect place for higher studies. So, I started to look into it and I did make the cut-off for M.Tech (EE), I saw noticed that some other depts also allowed GATE-EE students like their computer science dept. (CSA), ECE…

1. Basically, it comes down to the money factor, I wanted to know what’s salary progression of a power electronics engineer with experience (I’d prefer if someone could give me numbers). I did check out Glassdoor, but I think the numbers aren’t up to date. Moreover, as a power electronics engineer in India their chances of moving aboard or internal transfer within the company (if so how are the chances).
2. Initially, I did it for passion and money was never in the picture as I knew after my master’s abroad, I will be paid well. Now, if I want to continue in India money does matter to me if not at starting but I do want a high mid-career salary (30L or above) i.e., 5-6 years of experience. Should I switch to software, and pursue an M.Tech at some tier-1 college or go for an MBA? Or Should I stay with power electronics and get an M.Tech from IISc (provided the pay gets better at mid-level tbh idm doing it with slightly lesser money because there's nothing better than designing circuits for me)?

Thanks!!!

Takina Inoue, a high school girl working as a member of an all-female taskforce of assassins and spies known as "Lycoris" dispatched to eliminate criminals and terrorists in Tokyo, is sanctioned by her superiors at the DA agency for disobeying orders in order to save a colleague. She is transferred to work with the elite Lycoris agent Chisato Nishikigi at one of the agency's branches, which operat ... Read Lycoris Recoil - Chapter 10 - MangaPuma. Read more at https://mangapuma.com/lycoris-recoil/chapter-10

I know this probably sounds terrible but for context i have been captain of our high schools varsity cross country, wrestling, and track teams since I was a sophomore with that being said i am in incredible shape. Anyways to the girl we were friends very casual we got along but now this summer she has been making a lot of hints and even asked me out which i had to refuse because i was working. Im not saying she is by any means generally unattractive or like extremely overweight but she is a little bit on the heavier side and when it comes to physical preference i prefer someone up to the standard i have personally attained. I would like to tell her im not interested and i know she would ask why. And everything else about her is fine so i guess i just don’t want her to feel bad about herself. Any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks.

I went to high school with this dude named Anthony Moressa. He was the best basketball player in the city, people from all over the world would come watch him. Well I just found out he died last week from heart attack in his sleep, he was only 20. It scares me because I've noticed alot of people in they're 20s dying form heart attack
How can someone so healthy, and athletic can just drop dead of heart attack

As loath as I am to admit it (and am prepared for the downvoting), the typed up letter as a thank you note sent from the office using the titles isn't actually THAT weird for high ranking members of the BRF.
For example, last summer before the Queen's death, apparently a little girl in the UK sent an invitation to Prince George for her 6th birthday party. (SO cute.) In a tweet now apparently deleted by the mother of the child (and she's made her tweets private as well), she related the contents of a note that clearly came from the Cambridge's office.
Hello!, August 9, 2022, "Kate Middleton and Prince William 'immensely touched' by sweet gesture towards Prince George" [ Archive Link Original Link ]
My Google-Fu is defeating me on whether or not this was an image or just copy-and-paste text, but if you look at the wording? It's pretty similar.

"The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have asked me to thank you for your letter, in which you invite Prince George to your 6th Birthday party. I am sorry that it took so long to reply."
"Their Royal Highnesses were extremely grateful for your kind invitation. Having given careful consideration to the possibilities, however, I very much regret that Their Royal Highnesses reluctantly feel they have to decline. Nevertheless, I hope that you enjoyed your birthday."
"The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were immensely touched that you should take the trouble to write as you did to their son, Prince George. It really was most thoughtful of you and Their Royal Highnesses have asked me to send you their warmest thanks and best wishes."

Clearly this is from their communications office and considering the phrase "have asked me to thank you", it was most likely written by a staff member.
Also, these are the generic thank you notes that went out for William's birthday back in 2019. (This blog appears to be dedicated to writing to various Royal Families to get mail replies, which I personally think is an interesting hobby.)
http://gertsroyalreplies.blogspot.com/2019/08/prince-william-birthday-reply-2019.html
And, here's a thank you note for birthday wishes to Charlotte from last year:
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cf8oga5MzKE/
Much like A-list celebrities and politicians - I wrote to the Reagan White House about Harp Seal hunting when I was a tween, and I've still got the reply letter somewhere, which is clearly fairly formulaic and stamped/auto-signed by Reagan - there are probably staff members on the Cambridge/Wales communication team whose job is to field correspondence like this. But the difference is that the Cambridge/Wales family are still working royals HQ'd in Kensington Palace, and the Sussexes are on a slow decline to irrelevance in Montecito. I seriously doubt the volume of correspondence to the Sussex office these days is more than a small fraction of the correspondence to the Wales office, so this level of formality to an American company was not strictly necessary.
So while I eye-roll the continuous and excessive usage of their titles, am quite sure that the correspondence to the Cambridges/Wales outstrips theirs by an exponential amount, and, apparently, we have a new employee for which to set a countdown-to-departure clock, I think this isn't that heinous. It's the fact that they are reply like this as if they still live in KP and are working royals that is difficult to swallow, but the form is probably something Harry, at least, is accustomed to, and they may have directed their staff to look at past thank you notes from other senior royals to pattern their replies.

Hello. I'm a 31 year old Mexican living in the Central Valley (Merced to be a little more precise). I'm a bit of an introvert with super high anxiety, and its caused me to shy away from dating for far too long. I'm looking for any women who are interested in talking regularly to see if we make a real connection.
A bit about me: 5'10, about 200 lbs, with black hair and brown eyes. I'm a high school math teacher. I got a house a year go (still figuring out all there is to being a homeowner lol). I like to watch sports (mostly football. I can talk football all day) and play video games (but I'm not much of a gamer...I just play when I can). I'm a pretty big comic book geek, as well as a fan of anime and manga. As you can see, I'm a pretty big nerd, so nerdy girls are especially welcome. However, I would love to hear about someone's interests that are different from my own.
If anyone wants to talk, just let me know, and we can go from there. Thank you to anyone who reads this. Have a nice day!

Hello. I'm a 31 year old Mexican living in the Central Valley (Merced to be a little more precise). I'm a bit of an introvert with super high anxiety, and its caused me to shy away from dating for far too long. I'm looking for any women who are interested in talking regularly to see if we make a real connection.
A bit about me: 5'10, about 200 lbs, with black hair and brown eyes. I'm a high school math teacher. I got a house a year go (still figuring out all there is to being a homeowner lol). I like to watch sports (mostly football. I can talk football all day) and play video games (but I'm not much of a gamer...I just play when I can). I'm a pretty big comic book geek, as well as a fan of anime and manga. As you can see, I'm a pretty big nerd, so nerdy girls are especially welcome. However, I would love to hear about someone's interests that are different from my own.
If anyone wants to talk, just let me know, and we can go from there. Thank you to anyone who reads this. Have a nice day!

I am a 22F in my third year on Uni (molecual biology major), soon approaching my 4th year. I live in a dorm with my high school friend who I've known for 11 years now. She is asexual I am bisexual. I dare to say she is more anxious person than me because I have been trying really hard to work on my anxiety while she just tries to avoid it as much as possible. I love her I try to help her as much as I can but I can't say she is able to do the same for me which is something I accept given her issues. What I really liked was that I could talk to her about everything but I can't tell her about this.
A year ago she was approached by a boy during a field trip and they started dating. She's been with him for a year now and they meet up like once a week. I don't mind her talking to me about him because she is my friend and I always try to be here for her. But whenever she talks about him my heart hurts. We have two more friends from High school, one got boyfriend since her 1st year on Uni and the other one now went on a few dates with a boy her mom matched her with a few weeks ago. All of them talking about these experiences together is something that just hurts me so much and I can't talk to anybody about this pain. My grand-aunt and my mother keep telling me to find someone too and the more I hear anyone talking to be about relationships I hurt so much. I mean I can feel my heart and my soul physically hurting and I just want to hide somewhere and cry.
I am from a family where I had to learn to count on myself very early on. I was emotionally and mentally abused for years. Being alone was something I got used to very quickly and most of the times I prefer to be alone because I can do things I like without anyone judging me or telling me that I like stupid things.
But lately being alone always makes me fall into these feelings of loneliness. It makes me feel like I am missing out on my young years. I was dating a girl during my 2nd year on Uni and I broke up with her after a month because she is asexual and I just need more physical closeness than she would be comfortable with. I tried tinder but I have a few very important things I need in a person and I can't seem to find that person. One more problem is that I am a virgin and when I finally feel like I could click with someone they just want to rush into sex and I can't really provide that yet. I mean I am open to try things and get closer but I need time to actually get comfortable with that person so sex after only meeting 2 times is really not for me. Tbh because of many guys I met on tinder I am starting to feel ashamed of being a virgin but I just want to meet someone who is more special for me not just a one-night-stand.
I just got a part-time job in a lab for this summer and if my training goes well they want to keep me there during the semester as well. It was hard to approach the lab and go for an interview because my anxiety just always acts up but I made it and I am really happy I did. I have to start working on my bachleor's thesis that I have been putting off for a long time now because I'm really worried to start as I hate making mistakes but I know I have to start and I really want to work on myself. I am very self-aware person but these feelings about loneliness are something I just have hard times understanding because as I said I usually don't mind being on my own but lately it has really been painful.

He 32M came to live with me 33M in December after he left a very abusive relationship with a woman who took advantage of his low self esteem and anxiety and depression issues. Him (I'll call him J) and I have been friends since we were in middle school and he came out as gay to me in our senior year of high school, two years after he had been dating the girl who abused him. After he came out to me, we did fool around once just to see but never talked about it afterwards. It's been about 14 years and it's never once been brought up. He spent 16 years of his life in that relationship with the woman who abused him and thats why I offered a safe place for him to escape to.
He's having a very rough time, mentally. So much so that I've made him start sleeping in my room at night just so I can keep an eye on him. He's told me he doesn't want to die but feels a really strong urge sometimes to kill himself at night so that's why i don't want him to be alone at night. We're sharing my bed because my bed is huge and I would have just let him take my bed but I know he'd feel bad. He's possibly the sweetest man in existence and even though what I'm describing makes him sound like a dysfunctional man, he's very well put together and works while going to school online and actually just recently opened up to me about how bad of a mental state he's in. On the surface, no one would ever know how much pain he's in.
All of that aside, after he opened up to me a few months ago, ive just been so attached to him, like I have to protect him. Not out of obligation but out of love. And at first I thought it was brotherly love but last night, I reached over and put my hand on his stomach just to make sure he was ok and I just felt like this was right. His fuzzy little belly rising and falling as he slept so peacefully next to me, the brightest smile greeting me in the morning, the undying loyalty hes always had to me over the years. It just feels like we are meant to be together. I'm not gay. I've never actually been into anything and I don't think him and I should try anything sexual with him being so vulnerable right now. He's a very small dude, probably 5'5 and I'd guess 160 pounds while I'm 6'4" and over 200lbs and I know I intimate him unintentionally. What I mean in terms of love though is the last six months we've spent together have made me not want to leave his side. I want to be there with him for everything. He makes me coffee and breakfast every morning and he even packs me lunches for work and if he's not busy working (he works from home) he has dinner ready for me when I get home. He helped me finish my basement, carrying an old water softener up the stairs by himself even though I knew he wasn't feeling well.
The thing I'm afraid of is if he doesn't feel the level of attraction that I feel. Having written it out, it seems like he does but he is such a giving man that he goes out of his way to do things for everyone, even at his expense. The last thing I'd want to do is hurt him or force him into something he doesn't want to do and so I think it's better left on the back burner for now. But maybe once he's in a better state of mind, should we address this?

I was extremely unpopular in high school and middle school, I was bullied every day and every year. I ended up developing severe anxiety and dropping out of high school. I started to have panic attacks and would cry for hours each day. And I became obsessed with some of the guys that bullied me.
Warning: Creepy/embarrassing
I tried to follow one of the guys who used to bully me on Instagram and he blocked me. I feel so embarrassed. He was a good-looking, popular guy with lots of friends. I had followed him because I wanted to see if he followed the pretty, popular girls and liked any of their pics. The account I followed him on is an obvious burner account, and he blocked me very quickly.
Does anyone know if there is a way for to change my IP address on Instagram? I want to delete that account so I can stop stalking people from my school days. It is really unhealthy and I have finally started to be able to leave the house and not turn into a sobbing pile of crap. Stalking him and other people from Instagram has started to cause me to regress. I want to delete the burner account and stop being a loser.
There is also another account on Instagram that has blocked me on everything, but on a different account, an account that I actually use. I have no idea why they blocked me. They were an art account and I promise I never wrote anything inflammatory. I miss being able to see the stuff they posted.

During my second semester of sophomore year of college I was given two new roommates DJ and Jared. I had seen their name tags on my door so I went inside and waited by my window looking out to see if I could spot anyone who looked unfamiliar. That’s when I saw Jared. I had seen him prior, hanging out with his friends the year before. They happened to all have dropped out since and were from my high school’s rival high school. The first thing I told him was that I knew him as such. He replied “we may have been high school rivals then, but we roommates now” and dabbed me up. Fast forward around half way into the semester. Jared loved to get drunk, but as a 19 year old broke college student, he had no means of buying alcohol, so he’d go in Walmart with his book bag and go to the back of the store and steal a couple bottles of wine. Jared also left his Juul at home in an effort to quit, but would always go to the girl’s room next door to fiend from theirs. On this eventful night, he did just that and brought a bottle. 30 minutes later, the girls dropped Jared off with DJ and me. The bottle was gone. Jared was blackout drunk and majorly belligerent. DJ and I babysat him for 30 minutes. The 30 minutes consisted of me standing right next to the door with his car keys in my pocket, because of course, he was known to drink and drive. Any time I’d deviate from the door, he’d bolt. He knocked on the girl’s door the first two times. Knocked on the door next to their’s the third time. The fourth time he went to the second floor, walked all the way down the hall, and entered another room! DJ and I pulled him out as soon as we caught up. We walked him back downstairs and Jared knocked on every door we passed. When we got back down 30 minutes had passed and we told him we were done babysitting. Jared ONLY had shorts on at the time, and it was winter. Snow wasn’t on the ground, but it was still cold. One minute after Jared left, he realized he left his key inside. Jared of course needed to let us know, so he goes over to DJ’s window and doesn’t knock, but punches the window. Three punches in, and the window shatters. I look at DJ and he’s standing in complete defeat, imagining going to sleep in the cold. I immediately go to check on Jared. I find him and he’s walking away. I follow confused as to where he’s going. We walk past the next door dorm and then Jared approaches his car’s drivers side door and tries the handle. It’s locked, and he says “open the door, it’s cold.” I replied “we’re not going anywhere. Let’s go inside where it’s warm.” That repeats for a minute or two. Jared, feeling frustrated, walked toward me and seats at me while saying “Give me my key.” I attempt to run back to the dorm in an attempt to get him to chase me. Looking back I realize Jared had no intention of chasing me. Instead, he was getting in a stranger’s car. I walk back to Jared and hear the man in the car yelling “get the fuck out my car or I’m going to fight you.” He continued on and I grabbed him out the car. I apologized on Jared’s behalf and he paid me no mind, opting to yell at Jared more. Jared of course was not done. He thought it would be fun to juke me out and get back in. Before he could I turned around, bear hugged him, and yanked him away. This continued again and it went to the ground. I grew up wrestling with my friends and family, so when Jared got me in a head lock, I just tugged my way out of it, and put him in a head lock. Then I heard sirens, followed by police lights. Campus police arrived and a female officer grabbed me by my hoodie and walked me two feet away and ordered me to “sit, don’t move.” And she continued to help her partner arrest Jared. It was Friday and DJ and I picked him up on Monday.

I think that’s why it’s easy to see all the lies and over exaggeration.
In my case, it’s actually a girl I met in high school who I became friendly with through mutual friends and follow on most platforms like LinkedIn or IG.
So this girl is constantly making big announcements about the latest new thing she’s launching. It’s always a blog, a podcast, a small business, another small business. None of them actually go anywhere but she does sell courses on how to build successful businesses. I think the constant businesses are just to funnel the courses but how can you teach people to do this if you’ve never done it before ?
She hashtags #becomeamillionare on her content trying to sell these courses and it’s not even MLM things, because at least there would be an explanation for it but it’s just trying to sell one illusion after the other.
Also with FBA, I’ve heard it’s becoming very saturated and not as easy to make the big bucks anymore.