Lookin out my back door meaning

We've been together for 7 years, ever since I was 18. I've always been working and covering my own expenses, but whenever we go out he always pays and is always generous when it comes to occasions. He runs his family business, which isn't a very booming business but it pays their bills. He isn't very transparent about his money with me, I don't even know how much he earns. I tried to ask him once and he smiled and said "it's not a set number, it's different every month" We're discussing plans of our wedding for next year, and he's told me he's saved up money for the wedding, but I don't know exactly how much. He doesn't have a father, so he will be financially taking care of everything. This week, his car had problems and he had to spent about 1K on fixing it. 1 week earlier, I had to leave my work cause the company ran out of money. They only paid me half a salary for this month, and I have already planned my trip abroad next month with my mother and sister for my graduation. My fiance knows that I have a lot of expenses ahead. When I left work, I was so stressed about money and what not and how I would be spending etc. Not once in two weeks has he said he would support me whenever I need it. Also, I really wanted to attend my graduation so my brother in law offered to lend me money to pay for the ticket abroad. I said yes. When my fiance later found out, he got pissed and said "you should really pay him back and very soon." But he knows I'm going through money troubles and didn't think to say "it's alright babe I got your back" and pay the ticket for me. In our culture, men are the providers. And honestly, I want the man I'm spending my life with to be in the provider mindset. He's not the richest, but I love him. However, I've always had money complexes and he has promised me that he would be taking care of me. But if he doesn't even feel the need to tell me, when I'm unemployed, to ask for financial help from him whenever I need it, I'm doubting his ability to support me, and doubting on whether or not my life with him will be spent like this. In lack. I would appreciate advice...

So ummmhhh about under 5-6, years a girl let's name her as s she was kinda a little black tiny 1 year older than me
She just appeared randomly out of nowhere and started talking with her friends in my lane and i don't she developed feelings for me just started to stare at me for like no reason
And then she decided that she needs to take this burden out of her chest and then she called my friend and asked him if he could transfer her message to me and then my friend did he said something like
(Abe bantai woh s tujhe like karti hai) and i was like WTF how did this happen what did she saw in me like what did she see in me that others didn't but still
Now it was time to give her an answer so i was so scared to not let her feel bad or regret about her decision and what i did was that you can't i
>! I didn't gave her any answer to that question i just blatantly ignored her because i was scared af like WTF like i was just in 6 grade back then !< But i met her again in this recent Holi festival and all she said was yeah now forget all of it, it's just past now or something like can't remember the perfect sentence but yeah that's all there's to it
That's my story thank you for coming to my Ted talks
Tldr: a girl confessed me that she had a crush on me but i just kept ignoring her and never gave her any answer

My boyfriend keeps giving me this ultimatum of choosing between him or my father and me and our child is caught in the middle. Some background information: my boyfriend is the father of my first and only child. We have been together for a couple of years and last year he was struggling financially. My father had loaned him money and throughout this year he has been paying him back. We had separated from November-May. During that separation he was still paying off his debt but my father started to get impatient and started threatening him in order to get the money quicker. I know this is totally wrong on my fathers end. And I understand how my partner is feeling. I'm constantly in between these two complaining to me but I was not made aware of this deal in the first place. try to stay out of it and keep them both separated. But now my boyfriend is telling me to chose between him and my father. If i choose to keep in contact with my father, my baby daddy doesn't want our kid around him and if i choose my partner i also loose my relationship with my parents. I'm not sure how to keep things cordial anymor since i am the only one compromising but how do i pick? Should i even be made to pick between the two?

Pics and timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/Q2njpdV
Selling my San Martin SN0058-GX 36mm datejust homage. Has black sunray dial In overall good condition with some light scratches due to the high polish case but nothing that won't be fixed with some polishing bracelet is the original San Martin Jubilee with some light scratches on the clasp and the crystal is blemish free sapphire with AR coating The movement is a high beat PT5000 that has been keeping good time. Comes with the original box and San Martin spring bar tool and screw driver to remove the screw links in the bracelet as I've taken out 2 links . Still has almost a year of warranty remaining. Overall a very well made piece.
Price:$250 pickup or plus postage, location: Caroline Springs 3023
Full specs: Movement: PT5000[Automatic mechanical movement]
Case: Material – 316L Stainless Steel 36.5 mm in diameter Lug to Lug length 43 mm Thickness 11.9 mm Lug to lug width 20 mm Crystal: Sapphire Crystal with AR Coating. Date Window with cyclops, 2.5 Times Amplification Effect. Bezel: Stainless Steel Carving Craft Bezel. Dial Color: Sunray Black Hands: GS Crafts Hands, Luminous Luminous: BGW-9 Blue Light Crown: Screw-down Crown, With 3D Hexagonal Logo Case Back: Screw-down Case Back, Brushed Process Bracelet: 316L Stainless Steel 5 Links Bracelet, Size 20mm * 16mm Clasp: Folding Clasp With Safety, 4 Micro-hole Clasp, With 3D Hexagonal Logo Water Resistant: 10Bar=100meters Weight: about 116g

Hello! My now ex-wife and I bought a vehicle then, 3 months later, I found her in bed with another man. Divorce follows. She doesn’t even show up to the court date. Judge grants divorce with all listed items being given to the respective parties. I got 1 vehicle and the boat. She got 1 vehicle, all her items, and whatever I agreed to let her have from the house (mine before marriage). She never made another payment on her vehicle. It was repossessed but she got it back out for a small fee of like $300. Still no payments after that. I get 1 phone call from the loan agency we used and the lady was very rude about the whole thing and told me that even though she got it in the divorce, I was still responsible for it. I told them to repossess it and to not let her have it back. No phone calls after, no letters, no emails, no texts. I heard from these people one time. Now I’ve been served for court saying I owe the full value of the vehicle. I’ve been given some advice to the extent of “just sue her after the court date is over” and I was just wondering if you fine folk had any advice on the situation or if you had done anything like this. Thanks in advance!

I've (20m) have been dating my gf for rougly 5 months and learned later into the relationship that she's still friends with an ex hookup. She decided to tell me 2 months into the relationship but I ultimately didnt have a problem since she mentioned it before they were going to hang out (first time since she started dating me). To elaborate, Im not used to seeing a relationship dynamic where people are still actively friends with ex flings/partners and Intially I was fine with them being friends since I valued the relationship more and I trust my gf. However things began to change when another one of these former (another friend, but they dont hang out) hookups tried to hit on my gf and she showed me the messages and blocked him. Ever since then, the idea of my gf hanging out with a previous hookup has made me feel extremely uncomfomfortable. I didnt mention anything in the begining since it was a new relationship, but things also began to change since my gf told me that she loves me and wants to be more serious. I love her at the same time but I cant help but still feel caution with her friend being present in my relationship. I understand that everyone has a past and im fine with knowing and talking about it, but that doesnt mean I want said past in my present relationship. As much as a trust her, I dont trust the so called friends she's around and I feel like its disrespectful to the relationship to have them around. I dont want to tell her what to do, but I also don't want to violate my own sense of bounderies. Would it be wrong for asking her to drop the friend if she wants to take us more seriously?

This post was originally meant for Islam, but I forgot I got banned. Hopefully the salafi bots flock here 🤣🤣
Bismillah Al Rahman Al Raheem
45:6 These are the verses of Allah which We recite to you in truth. Then in what statement after Allah and His verses will they believe?
Anyone who makes the claim that Allahs book cannot be understood without man, is in fact insulting Allah and his intellect. How dare you limit Allah and his wisdom to our mortal understanding of knowledge.
(5:48) And We have sent down to you the BOOK with the truth, authenticating what is between your hands of the Book and superseding it. So JUDGE between them by what God has sent down, and do not follow their desires from what has come to you of the truth.
Please brothers and sisters listen and think clearly about what you are saying. The Creator and All Powerful, being limited by mere mortal comprehension. Allahs chooses who he will bestow guidance to and no one else not even the Prophet can guide a soul.
18:109 Say, "If the sea were ink for the Words of my Lord, the sea would run out before the words of my Lord run out, even if we were to supply the same amount of ink as a supplement."
Unfortunately, the mods of this sub are clearly not able to defend their beliefs in a debate so they choose to censor, as the power of Allahs words overthrows any conjecture they have to offer. My warning to you mods. Have fear in Allah and let his verses be made clear.
13:6 But there are, among men, those who purchase idle Hadiths , without knowledge or meaning), to mislead (men) from the Path of Allah and throw ridicule on the Path): for such there will be a Humiliating Penalty. 13:7 When Our Signs are rehearsed to such a one, he turns away in arrogance, as if he heard them not, as if there were deafness in both his ears: announce to him a grievous Penalty.
These verses will stand witness against you.

We've been together for 7 years, ever since I was 18. I've always been working and covering my own expenses, but whenever we go out he always pays and is always generous when it comes to occasions. He runs his family business, which isn't a very booming business but it pays their bills.
He isn't very transparent about his money with me, I don't even know how much he earns. I tried to ask him once and he smiled and said "it's not a set number, it's different every month"
We're discussing plans of our wedding for next year, and he's told me he's saved up money for the wedding, but I don't know exactly how much. He doesn't have a father, so he will be financially taking care of everything.
This week, his car had problems and he had to spent about 1K on fixing it. 1 week earlier, I had to leave my work cause the company ran out of money. They only paid me half a salary for this month, and I have already planned my trip abroad next month with my mother and sister for my graduation. My fiance knows that I have a lot of expenses ahead.
When I left work, I was so stressed about money and what not and how I would be spending etc. Not once in two weeks has he said he would support me whenever I need it.
Also, I really wanted to attend my graduation so my brother in law offered to lend me money to pay for the ticket abroad. I said yes. When my fiance later found out, he got pissed and said "you should really pay him back and very soon." But he knows I'm going through money troubles and didn't think to say "it's alright babe I got your back" and pay the ticket for me.
In our culture, men are the providers. And honestly, I want the man I'm spending my life with to be in the provider mindset. He's not the richest, but I love him. However, I've always had money complexes and he has promised me that he would be taking care of me.
But if he doesn't even feel the need to tell me, when I'm unemployed, to ask for financial help from him whenever I need it, I'm doubting his ability to support me, and doubting on whether or not my life with him will be spent like this. In lack.
I would appreciate advice...

Today was my first birthday without her and it was horrible. I knew it would be bad but didn't think it would be like this. I'm still NC with her but there was this hope that she'd reach out and just say "happy birthday, hope you're doing ok." Foolish and dumb I know it is. The breaking point was when I walked to Sheetz for some drinks and saw they had a new sprite flavor. Me and her always had a thing where we would try new foods or drinks together. Being together for seven years this happened a lot and was always something we used to look forward to. So out of instinct/habit I grabbed two of them and walked home. Opened the bedroom door and said. "Hey ***** I got us a new drink to try together like always!" Then looked at my bed and realized for the umpteenth time that I'm alone and she wasn't there. Then started bawling my eyes out and started shaking and having uncontrollably shallow breaths and passed out. Woke up on my tear stained pillow for the hundredth time so far and now I just feel completely down in the dumps. Gonna try to play some borderlands the pre sequel or enter the Gungeon to get my mind off it. But overall this was just horrible. It being my birthday of all days. A day where me and her used to do fun stuff together hurts even worse. I don't hate her or even dislike her. I still love her and hope she is happy wherever she is right now. Maybe she will even read this who knows. Hope you guys have a better birthday than I did though. :/

I'm a sophomore studying CS and haven't had much time for learning outside of school. I've dabbled in Unity, creating 3D demo games, and tried HTML and CSS, which were fairly easy.
Since my school isn't highly ranked, I rely on MIT/Berkeley/Stanford's online materials for core CS courses like OOP and DS&A, which have provided a solid foundation.
While my classmates focus on practical applications like web and mobile development, I believe mastering the fundamentals will make me a better software engineer in the end.
I do feel left out while people are learning the more practical side of things. I can not really make up time for that for the while. So, that means at least until my senior year I can not focus on both.
So, between focusing on fundamentals and the practical applications ... which path do you think is the "better" one?
(Note: By "focusing on fundamentals", I don't just mean reading the theory and watching videos... I also try and do all the exercises/projects given in the courses which are pretty detailed)

brace yourself: this is a long one. but i’ve never said this out loud, and when i’ve let out small details, no one has ever understood..
i’m diagnosed bpd (3 years ago now). some slight backstory to my situation: i (30F) have a brother (32M) who began dating my best friend (also 30F, and FP) just over 10 years ago. my entire life has felt like a comparison between my brother & i, and how much better he is than me. they asked me if i was okay with them being together, and i reluctantly said yes (being young & a people pleaser, also, if i would’ve said no, they would’ve just gone behind my back & done it anyways). so, within the year, they get pregnant & have a baby. as time goes by, relationship gets rocky, he makes HUGE mistakes, relationship ends. i support & pick up the pieces for my best friend. fast forward: they are now very “close” and are best friends. i have an extreme jealousy issue, and constantly believe they are “together” behind my back. she (my best friend) tells me that they are not together, but i don’t believe her. he works in camp, and has been home for the past few months. he stays with her, they talk 24/7, and everytime i want time with just my friend, he’s there or brought up in other ways. it’s taken a huge toll on my self esteem, as i just don’t feel good enough for them. i understand that it is a COMPLETELY different relationship, but i just want to be enough for my bestie. my family LOVES her, and i constantly feel in comparison to her. they invite her to gatherings as “my nieces mom” and i HATE it. my family teases that they are together, and they will not give straight answers. i want her to be there as MY friend, not as my brothers ex. anytime i ask someone about it, i feel extremely invalidated because “i should be supportive of their relationship”. am i out of line here? should i tell them how i feel? there’s more to the story that could be told, but i don’t want to bore you all. i’m sorry for the long post, i just can’t hold it in anymore. please help.

My dad's house was horrible, floor sinking in, water under house, eventually we got it fixed up, sealed, and the entire house remodeled, recently we had roaches, we got a few traps and placed them around the house, (medium black traps, they eat and die at the nest) , we found another issue was our dogs food being out, we put it up every night. Our cat food stays out, for some reason the roaches don't eat it, or care about it. Today, I killed what looks to be a type of baby cockroach in my blanket, and right now I'm scared if I untangle my blankets there's gonna be a big cockroach in it, unless the baby was alone. Then tonight, I see a big roach on my wall near my room, it ran away under the coach, then my brother found the same one or a diff one, near his area, then I see another roach, kill it. Then see another big black cockroach going in our cabinets then my brother calls me out, and I see like 3 roaches, and 1 of them, starts flying, ran in my room, covered the bottom of my door, and yea, killed a baby in my blanket, should I turn my ac unit on, I heard roaches like hot rooms and not cold rooms

Anyone here filled out the form for a student aid increase? How long did it take before you heard anything back? I got in contact with financial aid to see if there's any kind of personal emergency short term loan that I would qualify for. They said they don't offer anything like that but could get me an increase on my student aid. At first I was told it takes 2-3 days, then 10 days, and now 14 days. I'm just curious if anyone else has done this and how long it took?

I have depression and anxiety issues already but with BB, I’m ready to just let my life go. I’m okay with that because dying has to be more peaceful than living with this. It has consumed me. I’ve tried so many things. Nothing has worked.
People here say they’re cured and then go on to say that they have to follow a strict regimen of cutting out foods and oral/gut care. To me, that isn’t a cure but a treatment. I am becoming resigned to the fact that there is no cure for me and I am not willing to treat this for the rest of my life because what I am doing already to keep it at bay is so time consuming and draining for me.
It just kinda sucks because I’m an otherwise healthy, young guy who’s had to run away from every opportunity because of this. I want to do good things in this world and I feel like I have so much to offer the world but I just can’t get past this. I don’t mean to be a downer but I’m just really done with it. I feel bad for my family and it kills me to think what it’ll do to them but the suffering must come to an end. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to lead this lonely life of self rejection.

Hey yall. I'll be covering this story of a weird guy. This is my first time posting so please go easy on me in the comments.
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I'll be referring to this humongous fellow simply as NB. Ad I'll refer to the female friend as A.
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Once upon a time, there was NB. He's greasy, pale, and extremely round. This was around 2014 so I was about 14 at the time. NB was 16 but got held back and was in my class. A is 14 too. Me and A we're sitting down at the library just talking about things like Anime, Games, books. And then this absolute stankmachine snorted and yelled behind us "You guys watch anime?" We decided to ignore the guy but he wont stop yelling in our ears about the anime girls he liked. So me and A fled outside the school. Me and A talk a bit more then we go home since it was already like 5:00pm.
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Tomorrow, this fat idiot shows up to the martial arts club where I was, yells "Hey buddy!" and tries to jump on me to hug me. I never talked to this guy in my life. With the help of 3 other kids, I pushed him out the door and locked it. After like 5 minutes of banging on the door he got the hint and walked away. I never really saw him again after that.

Background
My headset has been having issues for a while that I suspect is some sort of software issue or possibly the connector going funny. Anyway, it has been out of balance for a while. About 2 weeks ago a wiggle of the connector caused it to boop off and on and come back correctly balanced. Over those two weeks it has slowly been getting worse ending up worse then where it started.
Problem
I tried to replicate the previous event and ended up messing up the headset worse then ever. I think its stuck in some limbo. Logitech and Windows seemed to fight each other a lot with this headset. I thought maybe a fresh install would fix it. So I went to device manager and told it to uninstall the headset. But when I unplugged it and plugged it back in, it didn't do the initial "Finding Drivers" a new usb normally does.
Current State
Now, it is stuck in some weird limbo. Windows sees it as a sound device, LGS sees it as the headphones, but LGS can't control any of the settings outside of the most basic of volume. So now I am stuck with it very unbalanced and unable to fix it. It seems like Window's won't recognize it as a surround sound headset, just a stereo headset. The individual channels cannot be adjusted through LGS and the L-R channel balance cannot be changed through Windows either. The left channel effects both while the right channel does nothing. When I go to Configure under the audio device in Windows I only got the Stereo option not the Surround Sound options.
What I have Tried
I tried uninstalling the headphone from Device Manager in a variety of ways. Using Logitech G633 Gaming Headset in "Sound, video and game controllers" which seemed to remove them everywhere. As well as doing the mic and headset separately under "Audio inputs and outputs" and then doing the other one. I tried doing this and then plugging them back in as well as doing this, unplugging, restarting and plugging it back in. I even tried uninstalling LGS and trying G-HUB. Outside of not liking GHUB at all it didn't seem to fix it so went back to LGS. When I reinstalled LGS it asked to restart so I went and uninstalled the headset as well before doing the restart and only plugged it in after.

My spouse was arrested tonight in a medium-sized city in Washington State. The officer told me he would go back to the station, wait for a blood test, and then they would bring him home. He has no other DUI offenses and a speeding ticket I believe from 2020. We were pulled over after he made an illegal left turn across a double yellow.
The officer claimed that there were "multiple reasons" they were arresting him. My husband smokes pot consistently but was not high. He had ~3 hard seltzers over the course of four and a half hours and told this to the police, in addition to dinner. He has a medical condition that he's getting treated for (arthritis in his knees/ankles/neck) and it really impacts his balance and coordination and I honestly believe that is a contributing factor. Like, he struggles to do the "tree" pose in yoga and can't do it without wobbling. He was also absolutely terrified during this whole situation.
We plan on hiring a lawyer, but I am just wondering what other's experience has been like in a situation where this happened and he's under the legal limit (and not even that close?). Is there any hope for a lower charge or maybe even getting it thrown out? We come from families who have been involved in the criminal justice system and have really prided ourselves on not having the same issues and this is just devastating.
Thanks for any insight.
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We’ve been friends for almost 2 years. He has a gf of 5 years. His gf and I are complete opposites as people. I used to have a crush on him when we first met, when I found out that he’s taken, I backed off and moved on. We were still friends though and I no longer felt anything for him anymore. Fast forward til now, we’ve gotten closer recently. He opened up to me about personal stuffs, always ask me to hang out, and we would text all night every night and chat until the sun came up about god knows what. He asked me multiple times what my “type of guy” would be. Hinted at me multiple times what kind of girl he likes. He jokingly asked me “what if I asked you to be my gf”. It’s so confusing. I know if he’s willing to treat his gf like this, he’ll do this to me too. But why is he doing this? What’s with the sudden interest? I never would have imagined he’d act like this. I’ve given up and moved on a while ago.
Do you think this is the type of behavior that casual friends do and I’m reading too much into it? Or is he actually being flirtatious?
TLDR: my friend has a long term gf but keeps flirting with me all of the sudden. I’m not sure if his behaviors are just casual friends and I’m reading too much into it. Or he’s actually flirting. What do I do

Leaving….fucking…change.
I’m a bit pissy tonight; as this happened so many times today I feel like a crazy lady about to pull her teeth out.
I. Absolutely. Cannot. Stand. Customers. Who. Leave. Their. Change!
Most stores, this isn’t a problem. There’s usually a jar or some sort of “pass it on” type situation. However, my store is so strict with tills (both a blessing and a curse) that I can’t even change the amount of change I give back (for example, change is 1.03. Customer hands me 0.03 to even out; AFTER I have typed the amount. I explain I can’t take the 0.03 because it unbalances my till and no longer matches the amount on the receipt.) Most people just don’t want their change; I get it, I don’t usually want mine. But after I explain more than 3 times that I CANNOT keep it, I eventually say “I can get fired for keeping your change and that’s not worth it.” IDGAF about your 3 damn pennies, Karen, just take your change so I don’t get fired. I don’t get paid enough for this shit.

Hey! I'm back with another post even sooner than I expected.
So tonight I went swing dancing! It started out as a way for me to temporarily replace another hobby, but it's quickly growing on me. And frankly, its amazing how many modern songs you can swing dance to!
Anyway, as things started to wind down for the night, I was talking to one of the instructors (who also happened to be tonight's DJ). At one point, I mentioned how much I liked his song choices and making new friends while doing this. He then said something like "Yeah this is an amazing hobby for making friends, and really good for finding a partner too. So if you're interested in that..."
Now, for the longest time, I've responded to things like that with either a polite nod, or some other way to dismiss the idea and usually change the subject. On the inside, I'd be thinking "Yeah, that's a nice idea. Just not a realistic one" or "HA! That's a good one" Or "Lol. Let's not get carried away"
This time though, my response was different:
"(light-hearted laugh) Well, who knows?"
On one hand, this might not sound like much, and might just represent my social skills improving (worthy of celebration on it's own IMO), but the main thing that stood out to me is that this time I actually MEANT what I said, and I didn't even realize it until I was driving home. Idk, something about this night just made me really happy.
Could this just be a way for me to socialize with some friends once or twice a week and nothing more? Yeah, easily. That's basically why I signed up.
Could I meet someone through this hobby at some point? I mean...maybe. Who knows? I look forward to finding out either way.
It's just really nice to see my mind thinking more positively without me having to force it to.

Hi all,
I am quite torn - my S10 recently had a nasty fall a couple weeks back and the phone in the front is cracked up. It was working otherwise fine so I didn't mind using it that way but as of recently, it's been lagging and touch is getting unresponsive. I'm left with the following options:
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1.) Fix the S10 - I can fix the screen which I'm assuming to be a couple hundred. The phone runs alright - freezes here and there but honestly a great phone. Only concern is using banking apps on the thing and how secure it'd be without security updates. I was hoping to hold out on upgrading until these companies provide a better incentive to upgrade as honestly I don't see much difference with the newest phones.
2.) Upgrade - S23 Ultra - I could go for an upgrade. I'm not sure if it's just me, but the saturation on the S23 Ultra is goddamn awful. I know we could always change to natural mode and vivid even on S10 is punchy, but goodness - this new S23 Ultra is ridiculous! Also, no headphone jack is kind of a big deal. I use bluetooth headphones here and there out of convenience, but I'd rather spend hundreds on solid wired headphones than overpriced bluetooth headphones. Could get a dongle but I hear about how unreliable they are. Size is also quite large but not too bad from testing at store.
3.) Upgrade - Sony Xperia 1 V - Similar option as above but this time upgrade to a Sony device. This one looks promising with a headphone jack and SD card. Looks exciting with a nice display. One thing is carrier support as their availability here (in Canada) is terrible and unreliable sources as to whether all features (5G, VoLTE) will work with this phone. Also, 3 years of security updates for a phone that costs nearly 1400-1500 USD is ridiculous especially with such little support. Would miss OneUI as well :( but I can live without that.
Appreciate any insights if possible. Thought I'd ask here as everyone understands what we love about this phone and what could possibly give us as close to the experience as we have with the S10 :) Cheers!
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tldr: Should I fix my cracked S10 and hold out a bit longer with it, get an S23 Ultra, or go for a Sony Xperia 1V?

Here’s the tl.dr. version: told them and my mom was emotional about it and told close family and probably friends. and now I have to meet with stake president.
I made a rant post a couple weeks back about my financial situation and stuff and I decided to tell them finally but I do have some context to put out
So my aunt (on my moms side) pays me every month for mission stuff because her aunt (my great aunt who as a kid I had a pretty good relationship with and she saw me as a nephew and not a great nephew) set aside some money for me for mission and college and last month I had asked her to spare me a few bucks so I could buy snacks for a big farewell party for four of the elders in my district because I had made some poor decisions and didn’t want to dig into the money I still had and she said she would and then sent me a long post about how I have x amount left and that she agrees I have been making not very good decisions cause I’ve asked her a couple times back for other things and she told me that by the end of my mission I wouldn’t have very much left in terms of college money and that’s something I don’t want because I want half of my money from that and the other half from working for a year after my release to pay for the first two semesters because I want to try and avoid student debt as much as possible.
Anyways she sent me a more detailed email about the money situation and I told her with my upcoming jaw surgery in the fall that could help a little because I won’t be needing as much money for when I’m healing and I also told her with my dads math I would have plenty saved for college and I also said if I leave my mission earlier that amount could increase more
She then replies back with a long text saying that she knows from experience that a degree is a big need to get by if you want to have a good job and stuff and if I felt like I got the most out of my mission then that could be the best option and with my surgery coming up it’s (essentially) a sign from the universe that I need to reconsider. She goes on to say other stuff and then says no matter what you choose your aunt (referring to my great aunt) would be proud of you forgot to mention that she had passed on 12 years back.
Now I tell my parents both my mom and dad this and I didn’t argue or get angry, I listened to what they had to say and my mom says “I don’t think what your aunt said is true about your great aunt being proud either way and plus you know that (my aunt) isn’t in the church anymore so she’s clearly influencing you to think that you should maybe take the ending early route but the fact is, even before my aunt told me that I thought maybe this is a sign from life/the universe that I need to take into consideration. But after my aunt told me the same thing I thought ok yeah all the pieces are adding up
Secondly she asked “why would god call you to serve two years and then have you quit a little bit after” and I replied saying “you have a point there” just to make her think I was agreeing but in my mind I thought yeah I believe in a god but he didn’t call me on this mission, the church itself did so the god i believe in couldn’t care less about what I do.
Fast forward to this last Saturday after I spoke in a stake conference, she (my mom) was in the shower crying about what I told her and my dad and he goes and talks with her and I of course had to eavesdrop (their bedroom has a bathroom in it with a sliding door) and at one point my dad says, we just have to pray and ask that Heavenly Father can show him that he needs to continue his mission and at that point I left and little side note I had an ice cream cone that was mostly finished and after I heard that i was furious, furious at the church, furious at the fact my mom was emotional about it and so of course it being a ice cream cone it was easy to crush but I crushed that thing out of that anger I had.
Fast forward a little bit to yesterday my mom says, I told (our stake president) about your situation in hopes he can give you some advice and I said oh ok cool but realistically I thought “shit this is bad” and as I was doing something I thought ok when I get to that interview I’ll say “I know what you want to talk about so let’s get it over-with and coincidentally enough the stake secretary texts me and asks “can you meet with president so and so on Sunday” I said yes but oh boy I’m not looking forward to it.
On another note I’m doing better with my finances but part of me still wants to leave because even if I watch my money good and continue to have a good spending/saving habit there’s a couple people in my district that I’m not particularly fond of that make me want to leave.