I recently purchased an older model Volvo from a car dealership in New Jersey, I live in Delaware. I’m currently making payments on about half of the purchase price. I put the other half down. After around two weeks of owning it, I started experiencing weird electrical problems. When these problems started, I called the dealership. The salesman who sold me the car stated that he had driven the car for about two weeks before it was put on the lot and he had no problems with it. I had to have it towed to a local Midas. They put in a new battery and charged me for their diagnostic fee but the car was still dead. They determined that the problem started with a leak from the windshield that had damaged an engine control module under the passenger’s seat. The aftermarket warranty that I had purchased in addition to the car says that they won’t cover the repairs since it was water damage. After having it towed to a shop that the salesman referred me to, that shop told me the same thing. I don’t have the money to pay for those kind of repairs. The whole time, I’ve called the dealership at least once a week, sometimes I spoke to someone, sometimes I left a message which no one responded to. The current auto repair shop called me today to tell me that someone driving a stolen car had crashed into my car and it would probably be totaled. My insurance was cancelled due to non-payment (I gave all my available cash to Midas). I finally got the owner of the dealership on the phone and he agreed to pay for the tow back to the dealership and have it repaired. Of course that was before I found out about the accident. Is there any chance that I could not have to continue to pay for a car that was damaged in the first place?

Recently my airbag light went off (Corolla 2017 LE) - so I went to a local Toyota dealership to get things checked out. They ran a diagnostic and reported back “SRS circuit open in clock spring” I don’t recall what the OBD-II code was, and going back to Toyota’s estimate, they swept that information away pretty fast after preapproval of repair. Estimate is saying it’ll be $853.33 ($785.20 for parts and labor, $39 shop fee, and $29.13 taxes).
The service technician told me they didn’t have the necessary part on hand (clock spring) — and would have to order it/would contact me when they’re ready.
I do recall my Corolla was a part of the 20TA03 Takata airbag recall — and during March of 2020, Toyota did add an airbag harness kit to resolve that.
I’m not sure if this new clock spring issue is somehow related to the previously resolved airbag issue? Is the dealership screwing me over here, or does this sound legit and fair?

Since the switch from cool to hot weather, my air conditioner has been having issues. I do not know if the issue with my a/c started before it got hot. I wouldn't have noticed because it was too cold to use the a/c. However, I started to notice a possibly related issue towards the end of winteearly spring. When I started my car, I could not turn on or change the settings of my heating/air conditioning when I first started the car. The display would show only the little icon of the seated person, but no arrows indicating airflow or bars showing how hard the fans were blowing. I could not turn the a/c setting, recirculating air setting, fan speed, temperature, defrost setting, etc. on or off. The car's hvac was just off - like it was tripped out. When it was cold, turning the car off then on again fixed the issue, the heat would start, hot air would blow like normal, and all the settings could be changed and adjusted (as best I could tell when the hvac was running only in heat). If I had to hop in the car and go, the system would remain tripped out until between around 15s to 1m of the car running/driving. Sometimes it would switch on automatically, and sometimes I would have to press the Off and Auto (there is no plain 'On' button) a few times to get it going.
Now that it is hot, the a/c is having issues. The problem is that the a/c only works when the car is idling. When I first start the car, the system is still tripped out at first, just like when I was only running the heater. After restarting the car or driving for just a short time, the HVAC system will start. When the car is in motion, it blasts HOT air. Not warm air, not ambient-temperature air, hot air almost like it's venting air straight from the motor. And it's not just when the system is On. Even when I hit the 'Off' button, the system still vents HOT air into the cabin. I cannot tell if the fans are running or not. The system will vent HOT air into the cabin regardless of what settings I change. Lowering the fan speed all the way down still blasts hot air into the cabin. If I lower the fan speed all the way down then turn the system off, I get the same thing. Recirculate air on/off doesn't make a difference. Turning the temperature all the way down or all the way up, system on or system off makes no difference. When the car does come to a stop, it will finally switch back over to a/c, but it seems weaker than it used to. It may be that some components are still hot from the furnace-temperature air, or it may be that the a/c isn't working efficiently - I cannot tell which.
The refrigerant levels in the system are good, and I have changed the cabin air filters. I work in the HVAC industry, but not as a field technician. My two guesses (please be kind - I barely know what I'm talking about here. I'm just spitballing) are either an airflow issue or a power issue. Perhaps there is some sort of vent or actuator that is not working properly, which is either being forced open and allowing hot air from the motor to vent into the system -or- being forced closed when the car is in motion and preventing airflow. If it's not an airflow issue, my fear is that there is an electrical issue. Is it possible that when the engine is running, there is not enough power for the compressor or a control board? My car has enough mileage on it that it's possible that the big hybrid car battery is dying, which might cause power issues.
I plan on taking it into the shop next week if there's nothing I can do myself.

Transmission
by Brian Martinez
Let me start my story by telling you something about me, the most important thing, in fact: I find things, and I fix them. That’s who I am. If you don’t know that, you don’t know me.
I’m a second-generation auto mechanic, born-and-bred. I’ve been repairing cars since before Ford Pintos were blowing up, when cars were made of steel and Route 66 wasn’t just something for the cartoons. These days I’m fortunate enough to own a shop downtown between two of those chain coffee places. It’s small, sure, but it has a reputation for saving cars so far-gone no one else will even touch ‘em. So if you live in the area, and you’ve ever been stuck with the sourest of lemons, or maybe your kid drove your minivan into the pool, we just might have crossed paths, you and I.
That reputation is what led to me getting a phone call from a guy I’d never met, saying he had something that might interest me. His name was Burt and he’d apparently just purchased a piece of property that sat unowned for the better part of twenty years. I knew of the area he was talking about. It’s out in the hills, where there isn’t much to look at. Most of the land there went to weed years ago; acres and acres of old woods and burnt-down barns just waiting for nobody in particular to see the value in them. And, well, it seems Burt was that nobody in particular.
I honestly didn’t know what Burt’s purchase had to do with me, and told him just that, figuring he must have had the wrong number. But the next words out of his mouth told me he knew exactly who he was talking to.
Apparently when old Burt started walking around his new property, digging around in the dirt, so to speak, he made an interesting discovery. So interesting, in fact, that it got me to grab my keys, hop in my truck, and drive up into the hills without so much as a pause to wash my hands.
Some things, you see, don’t wait for a man to look presentable.
As I drove up into the hills to meet Burt, I started to think about my father and the drives he used to take me on. He liked to get a feel for whichever car he was working on, and those drives, they always ended with a detour into the hills. ‘Nothing tests a vehicle like elevation,’ he used to say, and I have to admit, I still agree with that statement. All those long inclines, sharp turns and fast descents- not to mention the occasional slam on the brakes- really put a car through its paces.
Dad knew a thing or two about cars, even if he knew nothing about how to raise a family.
Other than maybe a slight fear of commitment, the main thing I got from my father was a passion for restoring old cars in my spare time. It’s a hobby of mine, and I do it in the garage at my house. I’m especially a sucker for rare cars, and the rarer the better. That little hobby of mine, more so than my day business, was why I ended up driving out to the middle of nowhere with dirty hands and a head full of ideas.
The road up was just as long and winding as I remembered. I almost missed the entrance for the property, a hidden driveway marked with little more than a broken mailbox and a rotting signpost. The private road got smaller and smaller by the minute until I swore the trees were going to swallow me whole and spit the bones back out.
When I finally reached what could pass for a clearing, a guy with a face like a junkyard dog was waiting for me next to the newest, cleanest Ford pick-up I’d seen outside of a dealership. He introduced himself to me as Eddie, an associate of old Burt. I told him I’d been expecting to meet Burt himself, but Eddie explained that Burt didn’t like to meet new people, and rarely came out in the cold weather. It was a bit raw, I had to admit, so I dropped the whole thing and let Eddie get down to the business at hand.
We left our cars behind and Eddie led me into the woods, where the walking was slow-going on account of the overgrowth of vines and dead branches. I’m not one to spook easily, but the more we walked the creepier those woods got, until I was fairly sure Eddie was going to use that French Mastiff face of his to tear my throat out. But just when I was thinking about turning back and saying screw it to the whole thing, I caught sight of what we’d come for.
The very first car I saw was a white, 1974 Pontiac Trans-Am. It was missing its door and tires, and it was buried under a layer of dead vines, but the body shape was unmistakable. Under the rust I could even see what was left of the telltale Firebird emblazoned across its hood in blue.
I couldn’t believe a car like that was just sitting out in the middle of the woods, waiting for anyone to come along and find it. As I got closer, though, I saw just how bad the condition of the car was. The insides were rotted out from rain and mold, and the floor was so eaten up by rust it was ready to fall out.
Before my brain could process the loss of such a beautiful machine, I caught sight of another car. This one was a Datsun 210 with a tree growing right through the hole where its trunk used to be. Wet leaves and newspaper filled the back seat, and the dashboard was an abandoned nest that crawled with leggy insects.
Old Burt hadn’t been pulling my leg: those woods were a graveyard for abandoned cars. From what I could tell, about three acres of woods were absolutely littered with the corpses of old autos. Some were in pieces, most were covered in dead leaves and rust and all the other things that happen when anything is left outside for years and years, but they were there. The sight of so many classic cars in one place, virtually unknown to anyone, both excited and saddened me.
For close to an hour I walked around random piles of tires and glass to stare at rusted-out Range Rovers and Jeeps with their headlights hanging out like popped eyeballs. Finally, like I’d woken up from a spell, I asked Eddie what Burt expected from me. And that’s when he told me the strangest, most interesting offer he could have told me in that moment.
He said if I could make every, single one of those cars disappear in three day’s time, at no cost to old Burt, I could keep them.
The words nearly knocked me off my feet. I’d have to call in every favor to every salvage yard and tow truck operator I knew, but it was possible. Still, nearly all of the cars I’d seen were beyond repair, even for a guy like me. At most I saw some parts that could be salvaged. Maybe a few of the newer, less damaged ones could be saved. I knew a few guys in my circle who might be interested, and I figured if I played my cards right I could make a few bucks out of the deal to boot- or at least land a good trade or two. Still, there weren’t any cars that I was interested in for myself.
Until, at the edge of the property, tucked away in a spot I’d nearly overlooked, I saw it. It was as if I’d been drawn there. Like I was meant to find it.
The car was familiar-looking, yet like nothing I’d ever seen. Cross a Chevelle Malibu Classic SE with the modern retro feel of the ‘97 Plymouth Prowler, add the large rear spoiler and flared wheel arches of a ‘99 Nissan Skyline GT-R, and you still won’t come close. It looked like something one of the big three manufacturers had made and yet I’d never seen or heard of its like ever before. It had no logos, no hood ornament, no identification of any kind. I practically ran around to the back of it to look for a name, a logo, something to identify it, tripping over hidden rocks and broken glass to do it.
But there was nothing. Nothing to betray the make and mark of the strange car in front of me. I even asked Eddie if he knew what it was. He only shrugged, clearly wanting to wrap up our little outdoor meeting. I half-heartedly agreed. It was later than I’d realized. Between the dwindling sun and the discovery I’d made, I’d started to get a chill I couldn’t shake. I had a bad tooth I’d been neglecting, and even that was starting to hurt from the cold.
So I agreed to Burt’s deal. I shook Eddie’s hand on it and got out of there, giving one last glance at the strange car in the woods on the way out.
The next day, after making more phone calls than a politician on election night, a swarm of flatbeds, wheel-lifts and salvage trucks descended on those woods. For two days they scooped out every piece of metal and glass in the place, while I oversaw the operation like a choir conductor from hell. I directed trucks this way and cutting crews that way. They snipped and cut and tore out every dead tree standing in the way so the truck crews could do the rest. I even got in there myself with the old chainsaw when it was needed.
It was an exhausting two days, but I managed to keep my word to Burt and clear every abandoned car off his property with about an hour to spare. Some of the cars went to the junkyard, others to various garages I’d made arrangements with.
I was dead on my feet by the time I got home. I was ready for a shower and a bed, in what order I wasn’t sure. And yet a crackle of energy went through me when I saw what had been dropped off in my garage.
My mystery car. Without the shadows of the woods hiding it, I could see it had been painted silver before the rust took over. It had been a fast sucker once, like a bullet to a werewolf’s chest. That had been a long time ago, and yet I sensed there was still some life in the old girl. I wanted so badly to start digging around under the hood, to see what I could find out, but my legs were ready to collapse and my eyes could barely focus. Intending to wake up early and hit the garage, I stumbled off to bed.
You know that feeling you get when you realize someone’s been talking to you for the past minute, thinking you’ve been listening, and you only just figured it out?
That’s the feeling I woke up to.
I sat straight up like a vampire rising from his coffin. My bedroom was still dark, which meant it was the middle of the night. In my half-sleep I tried to make out the clock on my nightstand but couldn’t read the numbers, so I fumbled for my glasses and shoved them on. It was just past two in the morning: way too early, even for me. No way was I getting up, strange feeling or no.
I was about to take my glasses off and lay back down when I heard the reason I’d woken up.
Whispering.
A man was in my room, whispering in the dark. I lunged across my bed and turned on the lamp, nearly knocking it over. I didn’t have a weapon, but if I could see the intruder I could do something about it. I spun back, back to the whispering, to see who it was, to shout at them or jump on them, whatever I had to do to save my life from the psycho in my bedroom.
But the room was empty. Just me and a pounding heart.
I was so confused, I jumped out of bed and tore around the room, making sure no one was hiding, but I didn’t find anyone. I was alone.
Then I heard it again, and I knew: the whispers were coming from down the hall.
With bare feet I followed it, trying to make out what it was saying, but it was too low to understand. I grabbed a knife as I passed through the kitchen and held it in front of me with sweat beading on my face despite how cold I kept the house.
I followed the whispering to the garage. The overhead light flickered on, lighting up the strange car in my garage. In my half-sleep, half-terror I’d nearly forgotten about it. But there it was, like a bear hibernating in its cave, waiting for the end of winter. It felt alive somehow. Not dead, just asleep and dreaming.
And it was whispering.
I knew how crazy that sounded, how crazy that was, but I swallowed hard and approached the car, knife first. The blade shook in front of me. The whispering got louder the closer I got, and yet I still couldn’t understand the words it was saying. Was someone hiding inside the car? Had I inherited a homeless man when I’d had it towed to my house? If so I had to get him out of there. Get him help, sure, make sure he had a place to sleep, but he couldn’t stay in my garage, whispering through the night. No way.
With my free hand I yanked on the driver’s side door. It didn’t open. Rusted shut. I slowly walked around to the passenger side and yanked again. It opened.
The whispering was louder now, louder but not clearer, like an old television tuned between channels, like a frequency not being picked up, like a…
Like a radio.
The whispers were coming from the radio. I laughed under my breath, realizing how ridiculous I’d been. But then I remembered there was no way the radio could be working. The car wasn’t turned on. If it even had a battery under the hood, it was probably little more than a square pile of rust and battery acid.
I clutched the kitchen knife tight, and with the other hand I slowly reached out to turn the volume knob. I needed to know if the whispers were coming from the radio, and if they were, I needed to know what they were saying. My temple throbbed as the whispers grew louder and louder, louder and louder, louder and-
The moment my finger touched the knob, the whispers stopped.
I felt like I was going crazy. I looked around the inside of the car, noting the strong smell of mildew and animal with a tinge of rotten leather. Other than my own breath echoing back at me, it was silent.
No whispers. No nothing.
I went back to bed, but I barely slept.
The next day was the day I usually took off from the shop, which was a relief since I woke up almost as tired as when I’d gone to bed. As I ate my breakfast, the night before still sat fresh in my mind. But the more I went over it, the more I thought it had been a bad dream, brought on by exhaustion and an imagination run wild. I had to admit the mystery car sitting in my garage had gotten my mind racing faster than a Formula 1.
I’m the kind of guy who likes a simple explanation, something I can touch and feel and, yes, fix, so I started to think that I could have picked up some kind of rogue radio transmission from a trucker, or even a passing plane. The police scanner I owned in my younger days had certainly picked up its share of random broadcasts, and when it comes to working on junkers I’ve learned to expect the unexpected.
After I’d eaten my breakfast and downed my coffee I got right to work on the car. I wanted to clear the air of whatever had happened, and I was dying to see what that baby had going on under the hood. The mystery of who the hell had made the thing was still heavy on me.
But the enigma only deepened the more I looked. Under all that rust and dirt and oil I couldn’t find one damn mark that told me who’d made the car. I almost wanted to say it was a custom build, but the work was too precise, the system too well-planned out to be an after-market job.
I worked on it all day, so wrapped up in it I forgot to eat lunch. I ate dinner like a raccoon digging through a dumpster. Then I worked on it some more.
I was just crawling into bed when I heard it again.
The whispering.
This time I ignored it, hoping it would go away on its own. But it didn’t stop. Not until I got up, walked across my house, went into the garage, and touched the radio. Then, it stopped.
I decided right then and there not to go to the shop the next day. There was just too much work to be done.
I’d been working on the car for four days straight before I got it started up. Four days of stripping and cleaning and rebuilding. Four nights of whispering. I was even starting to hear it during the day, but low, barely audible, like a television playing somewhere in the house.
After I got the engine started, the first thing I did was pull my code reader down from my tool wall and hook it up to the dashboard input. I’d been pleasantly surprised to find an input on the car, even though I was fairly certain it had been built after '96. To my shock the screen filled up with a bunch of random trouble codes I’d never seen before, then went blank. I tried to get it powered up again but apparently the connection had completely overloaded the device.
I’d had the reader for years and it had never given me a problem. I put it down and got back to the car, deciding to stick to the old-fashioned way and get a feel for what was wrong with it. Just like dad used to do.
With my foot on the gas I revved the engine good. It sounded better than I’d expected, like a beast waking up from deep sleep. But there was also something rattling around under the hood, something loose knocking around inside the carburetor or possibly even the manifold.
I tried a few options, opening up this and that, until I narrowed it down to something completely unexpected: the transmission.
With considerable force I managed to open up the transmission, and sure enough I found something inside. Something dark and red. I pulled it out and studied it under the light. It looked like a small rock covered in old transmission fluid. How it got in there I didn’t have a clue. But I decided to clean it off and get a better look at it, in case it pointed to a bigger problem. As I walked it to the slop sink, I noticed the whispering, usually a dull static during the day, had started to grow louder. I could almost make out individual words now. But I ignored it and ran the small rock under the faucet, watching the dark red fluid swirl down the drain.
That was when I discovered something I wasn’t prepared for. The thing in my hand wasn’t a rock- it was a tooth.
A human tooth.
The whispers had grown so loud I could barely hear myself think, barely feel the disgust rising in the pit of my stomach. With the whispers practically shouting in my ear I dropped the tooth and it bounced and clattered inside the sink, coming to a rest near the edge of the drain.
The whispers grew quiet again. A dull roar tickling at the back of my skull. I stared at it, the tooth in the sink, the impossible tooth from the impossible car. I had the urge to throw it out. To get it out of my house and never see it again. But I didn’t do that. I couldn’t tell you why not.
Maybe because that meant touching it again.
Maybe something else.
Feeling like I should give the car a rest, I worked on getting my code reader working again, otherwise I’d have to run to the store and buy a new one. I changed out the batteries and gave it a good, solid whack. A few seconds later I was happy to see the screen turn on. I thought I’d have to do a factory reset to use it again but I was surprised to find it worked perfectly fine. Not only that, the trouble codes it had read off the car were still stored in its memory.
There were pages and pages of codes like I’d never seen in my life, more than I think are even in the tool’s programming. In fact I couldn’t find a single one of them anywhere in the manual. I figured they were probably just random numbers, and yet there was something strange about them, like they had a pattern to them. I dusted off my old computer and typed in the problem codes, figuring if I could get a better look at them I might be able to figure out their meaning. If not, I could at least print them out and show them to somebody who could.
After twenty minutes I’d barely made a dent in typing up all the codes. I gave up on the idea that I could copy them all. I pushed away from my computer and stood up, rubbing my eyes from the strain. Between the glare of the old screen and the noise in my ears, my head was killing me. It all felt so pointless. So inconsequential.
Just before I shut the computer down, I happened to glance one last time at the screen. And when I did, I noticed something that made my skin go cold.
The codes. The pattern. The numbers and letters and spaces between them. They were starting to form a face. A human face, with two eyes and a screaming-
I shut the computer down as fast as I could, then unplugged it to be safe. Then I marched to the garage and disconnected the radio, practically ripping it out of the car.
The whispers stopped.
The house was quiet.
But not for long.
For three days I told myself to get rid of that car, tow it out of my garage and dump it somewhere no one could find it. Maybe even drench it in gasoline and light a match. For three days I ignored the whispers and the doorbell and the phone calls from my shop asking when I was coming back. For three days I buried my head under the hood and worked and worked and worked.
On the fourth day, when the whispers from the radio had grown louder than my own thoughts, louder but still unclear, without words I could understand, I lost it. I threw my wrench at the tool wall, knocking down chisels and socket wrenches and a dozen other tools clattering to the ground. I pounded on my ears, cursing them, willing them to go deaf and stop hearing the whispers.
But they didn’t stop hearing. And the whispers didn’t stop. So I decided. I decided that if I couldn’t stop hearing them, I at least needed to know what they were saying.
I went back to the slop sink. The tooth was still there, perched near the edge of the drain. I’d prayed for it to slip down and wash away on its own but there it was, round and sharp and real as ever. So I picked it up, and the whispers grew louder. Clearer. But still not clear enough to hear. Not enough to make out what the radio was saying. To understand what it wanted from me. It was like a broken antenna, only tuning in half the frequency.
The garage was a mess. I was a mess. Rancid grease stains everywhere. A hole in my tool wall where the wrench had struck it, the ground littered with hammers and screwdrivers and …
Pliers.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I grabbed the pliers from the ground, shoved it onto my mouth, got a good hold of my bad tooth, and ripped it out. It was easier than I expected, but it still hurt, and it bled a lot. But I didn’t hesitate. I pushed the tooth I’d found in the transmission into its place.
The moment I did, it was as if everything came into focus. As if the radio was inside my skull. No, as if my skull was the radio, and I was the antenna. I could hear the transmission clear as day now, a man’s voice inside my head.
Whispering to me.
Telling me where to find the rest of him.
I told you all of this, not because I expect you to believe me, but because I’m about to walk out my door and do something I might not come back from. And if that’s the case, if I don’t return today or any other day from this thing I need to do, I want people to know why.
Because I find things. I find things and fix them. If you don’t know that, you don’t know me.

Managed to scrape my rear drivers side door and rear quarter panel on a concrete piller. Don't really want to go through insurance if I don't have to (depending on repair cost). Can someone recommend a good auto body shop that can get these scratches repaired? They're not super deep, but definitely through the clearcoat and maybe into the paint.

Company Name	Title	City
HealthMarkets	Insurance Agent	Blue Diamond
HealthMarkets	Insurance Agent	Indian Springs
HealthMarkets	Insurance Agent	Jean
HealthMarkets	Insurance Agent	Silver City
HealthMarkets	Insurance Agent	Sun Valley
HealthMarkets	Insurance Agent	The Lakes
HealthMarkets	Insurance Agent	Virginia City
Jack in the Box	TEAM LEADER STORE 7317 3 RETAIL RD DAYTON	Carson City
Jack in the Box	ASSISTANT MANAGER TRAINEE STORE 7317 3 RETAIL RD	Carson City
Jack in the Box	Shop Hand	Carson City
Jack in the Box	CREW MEMBER STORE 7320 3225 RETAIL DR	Dayton
Jack in the Box	Assistant Store Manager	Dayton
Jack in the Box	TEAM LEADER STORE 7320 3225 RETAIL DR	Dayton
Jack in the Box	Store Worker	Elko
Community Health Development Partners	Cardiac Catheterization Laboratory Tech	Elko
Jack in the Box	Shop Hand	Elko
Jack in the Box	Store Supervisor	Fallon
Jack in the Box	CREW MEMBER STORE 7307 55 S TAYLOR ST FALLON	Fallon
Jack in the Box	Store Worker	Fallon
Jack in the Box	Shop Hand	Fernley
Jack in the Box	Store Support Manager	Fernley
Jack in the Box	Assistant Store Manager	Fernley
Jack in the Box	Keyholder	Gardnerville
Jack in the Box	Store Worker	Gardnerville
Jack in the Box	Store Supervisor	Gardnerville

Hey guys, here are some recent job openings in nv. Feel free to comment here or send me a private message if you have any questions, I'm at the community's disposal! If you encounter any problems with any of these job openings please let me know that I will modify the table accordingly. Thanks!

These all appear to be the same mattress but I’m not sure.
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/sealy-posturepedic-silver-pine-11-ultra-firm-mattress-queen?ID=12043951
https://www.costco.com/sealy-posturepedic-carver-11”-firm-or-13.5”-plush-mattress.product.100694157.html
https://www.wayfair.com/bed-bath/pdp/sealy-posturepedic-mill-park-11-ultra-firm-tight-top-innerspring-mattress-and-box-spring-set-scm10146.html
https://www.wayfair.com/bed-bath/pdp/sealy-posturepedic-mill-park-11-ultra-firm-tight-top-innerspring-mattress-scm10141.html?piid=64603134

Welcome to Green Valley

Four Merry Jaunts Through in the Bumpkin Quest Campaign

It’s a big world filled with far off folks who have far off problems. In the quaint farming town of Hills Furrow that has certainly not been the case. Here life is simple, local, and paced by the seasons. There ain’t been a need for “Venturers” and their ilk since your Papaw was just a sprout. However, the winds of change are blowin, and things are about to git just a bit more exciting round these parts.
Welcome to Green Valley, The down-home home of Rural Fantasy Misadventures and Grass-Roots Shenanigans. The Valley is Filled with Colorful Characters, Brimming with Odd Ball Neighbors, and has more than a few Local Yokels. Welcome to Bumpkin Quest. These adventures are intended to be a series of silly adventures that all go awry in some way or another and stir up trouble throughout a peaceful little village that has in many ways been overlooked by the troubles of the world “outside”.
CHAPTER 1: Green Tide CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent CHAPTER 4: High Society
ADVENTURE MECHANICS - Target Character Level: Commoners - Level 1 - Target Party Size: Four Players - Average Adventure Playtime: 1-2 Hours - Tone: Rural Misadventures
I’ve also put these adventures into a PDF that includes our Bumpkin Quest: Campaign Guide which fills in the details of Green Valley pretty thoroughly. The quests are simple enough to be run in any setting you choose, but if you're interested in more the Guide as over a dozen Custom Maps, 70+ NPCs, Location Descriptions, 20+ Local Legends, and Scores of Adventure and Event Ideas. You can grab the PDF Free at the link above.

Hills Furrow

At the center of the Valley sits a patch of small grassy hills, through which the Slow Water meanders through. Built into these hills is the Village of Hills Furrow. Celebrated by everyone living in The Valley and boasting a whopping population of almost 150, Hills Furrow is the center of commerce and social importance. Well, at least as far as the locals are concerned. Realistically it would be less than a blip on the grand scale of things, a mere kernel of wheat in the silo of civilization, but to those who live here, there is nothing quite like living in the “city”.
The Village itself, like the Valley, is predominantly Halfling, and their fancy dwellings are burrowed into the hillsides as often as possible. These dwellings have been family owned for generations only becomeing available if there are no heirs to pass them along to. Other folk live in well kept two story shingled buildings, most of which house a business on the lower floor and house the Shopkeepers and their families above their workplaces, though a few live in nearby homes. There aren’t many “rental” spaces in town, as property is usually bought up quickly by the Halfling Families, but there are long term options at either of the Inns in town.
Hills Furrow: Locations 1) The Crocked Crow (Inn and Tavern) 2) The Dancing Lamb (Inn and Tavern) 3) The Moaning Toad (Tavern) 4) Granny's Groceries (General Market) 5) Get Nailed (Hardware and Distilery) 6) Gimdurh's Hammer (Smithy) 7) Brenra's Mechanicals (Tinker) 8) Hjoldren's Home Goods (Carpenter) 9) Standard Industries (Office) 10) Fit to be Dyed (Tailor) 11) The Last Loaf (Baker) 12) The Cloudy Cleaver (Butcher) 13) Nature's Medecine (Apothecary) 14) Sheriff's Office 15) Green Valley School House 16) The Waterwheel 17) The Windmill 18) The Undercloak Estate 19) Truefoot Burrow 20) The Meadows Family Hill
The people themselves are hospitable and friendly enough, but they do not really trust outsiders. Folks from foreign places are good for trade, news, and little else. Those that come through are treated well enough as long as they don’t wear out their welcome. Locals, well, that’s a bit of a different story. The city and area doesn’t operate under a written caste system or social structure, but there is clearly a pecking order, and family heritage matters a great deal to folks in Hills Furrow. Most locals, whether they’ve gotten an education or not, can easily be classified as simple. It isn’t that they are slow of mind or unintelligent, but more that they are unconcerned with matters the outside world considers important. This sentiment has created a general, but friendly, dislike between those that consider themselves Highfalutin and those that clearly are not.
Well now that I've given you the fifty cent tour. Shall we get on to adventure?

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide

We will open our journeys in the Green Valley at Green Tide, the annual celebration of Winter’s End. This adventure is designed to give a tour of Hills Furrow and introduce them to the locals. It will begin with some chores around their house to prepare for the festival and end with a battle involving an enchanted broom. If you did not do Session Zero, this chapter may take a bit longer as we get to know everyone and their characters.

ACT 1: Pre-Festival

The locals spend the week cleaning out their houses and farms. They gather old junk and unused items to be used later in the festival. They also begin preparing what food is left from winter to be used in a celebration and feasts.
Things to do! - Have the Players clean up junk around the house - Have them Find something strange (Perhaps used for a later mystery?) - Have them Decorate their Broom - Have them run a Household Errand (Meet an NPC)

ACT 2: Sweeping Day

A merry festival celebrating Spring cleaning and putting the past behind them. They form a parade, with one member from each house carrying a brightly decorated broom and using it to symbolically “Sweep Away Winter”. The rest of the family marches their winter’s trash and unused goods down to the Fairgrounds. The goods are often traded, while the trash is piled in the fire pit to await burning later. The entire day is filled with fun outdoor activities. Households also symbolically bring their problems to the bonfires to burn them later.
Things to do! - March in the Parade - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals
EVENT: I Love a Parade
The parade will march North from near the Cross Roads in the South up around the hill and back again to the South where it will head for the Fairgrounds. There isn’t anything particularly challenging about this event, but it would be a wonderful place to start leaning into or building local rivalries.
EVENT: Never Seen a Broom Do That… As they come into the home stretch of the Parade one of the local’s Brooms will animate and take off. It will chase folks around the parade. The players can attempt to stop it, but the broom will flee soon after being attacked. It will fly up into the air, attack a flock of geese, and chase them off until it can’t be seen anymore. They can go and collect a fallen goose if they wish. I highly recommend giving it a motorcycle type sound as it flies around hitting folks. Maybe even going as far as giving it a rough gravel angry voice and letting it insult people.

ACT 3: Winter’s End

Winter’s End is a Combination of Groundhog’s Day and Fasnacht, this day gets a little wild. The Festival kicks off at dawn with the Great Gopher Hunt. Gophers are well known spies for The Voice of Winter and thus need to be hunted before they can tell The Voice to delay Spring. Gophers themselves are quite tasty, and are notoriously bad for crops, so this works out economically all around. Throughout the rest of the day families continue to contribute to the Bonfire Pile which often gets quite large. At dusk a large effigy of The Voice of Winter is placed on top of the pile. Once the sun has fully set they light the fire and burn the Effigy. Folk usually dress darkly during the day and brightly at night. After the burning they feast on sweets and treats that were made from goods saved up from winter storage.
Things to do! - The Great Gopher Hunt - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals - The Fairground’s Activities
EVENT: The Great Gopher Hunt The Hunt begins at dawn and takes place all over the Valley. Locals race to collect as many Gophers as possible. It is easiest to kill the Gopher, but there are some that find that distasteful. Instead they live trap the critters. It is a bit tougher to do so, but an option should your players wish. This is most easily played out as a series of appropriate Skill Checks, in which the higher they score the more gophers they obtain.
EVENT: Trash Removal They may find some locals willing to pay them to help cart junk down to the bonfire pile. Not a lot of skill involved in this, but it is a great opportunity to meet locals, and you could throw a runaway cart at them.
Fair Activities They will probably want to take part in Fairground Activities. Players love these types of challenges. Here are a few ideas you can build on. - Axe Throwin: Basic attack rolls on a Round Target. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Bow Shootin: Basic attack rolls on Moving Targets. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Pig Chasin: Catch the greased Pig! Medium DC Challenge requiring three success before three Failures. - Mud Wrastlin: Nothing says bumpkin like a good Mud Wrastlin Pit. Contested Skill Challenges. - Sausage Eating Contest: Increasingly difficult DC Challenge. Eat till you puke! Can also be Pies or Ribs or Little Fish… you know whatever someone wants to stuff dozens of in their gullet. - Tug O’War: Team Strength Challenge. Three to Five Contested Rolls with opposing teams. - Gopher BBQ Cook Off: A Hard Culinary Challenge to see who can BBQ the best Gopher! - Races: Foot and Mount Races based on Three to Five Contested Rolls. I usually include a few odd mounts like a Giant Chicken or some such nonsense.

ACT 4: Day of Ashes

The Day of Ashes is a day of rest, recovery, and reflection. Locals take the ashes from the bonfires and rub their hands in them to symbolize the end of a hard year’s work and hardships of the past. The day ends with a large family feast, typically Pork. Activities this day are light, but many folks head to the Temple for the Calling of Spring Blessings. They put on their fancies and head down to ask forgiveness for over-indulging in the festival and for worship. Well sort of…
Unfortunately, a lot of folks take this as an opportunity to peacock about and practice their one-upmanship over other locals. If you’re looking for inspiration for their outfits look to older photos of the Kentucky Derby. Over the years this troubling practice has caused more than one fight to break out after the service.
*Things to do! * - Go to Temple and Meet More Locals - Pick a Local Patron!
EVENT: Temple Services
The majority of the town comes to Temple on this day. The service is usually longer, and a bit more “Where have most of you been all year?” But otherwise it is a call for the Divine Blessings to touch their crops and protect their lives. It ends with a ceremony in which the locals put their hands into the ashes from yesterday’s bonfire. Once services end they will head outside, where the trouble will begin. Two of the wealthier families will get into it with each other. Starting with a couple of veiled insults, probably before service and continuing afterward. If one of your players is from a local Rich Folk family then they can be right in the middle of it all, otherwise they will have to pick a side. This choice will determine their house Patron moving forward. Tension will increase until folks start drawing up sides, and then someone will throw a rotten tomato at one of the House Matrons. That will blow the lid off the incident and a yokel brawl will break out. For comedy purposes I recommend the instant appearance of several food carts filled with expired products, and maybe a six year old hustler selling big sticks for wacking folks with. As the locals brawl call for perception checks. Who ever rolls highest begins to hear… The Broom returning!
ENCOUNTER: Stick In The Eye
The broom returns ready to whoop some ash. It will be absolutely bent on cleaning anyone and everyone who is even the slightest bit dirty! If it successfully attacks a character they will have to make a Strength Saving throw or be knocked to the ground and swept clean by the broom. As this would be an awful omen for the year folks are terrified and will be running around screaming. Absolute mass hysteria. If the players were lucky enough to hear it coming they can avoid being surprised by the broom. Otherwise the broom will get a full round to attack before they have a chance to do anything. They’ll have to beat the broom into submission any way they can before it sweeps the whole town into chaos!

CLOSING

After defeating the broom things will settle back down again. Bumpkins are quick to return to normal when things go awry. However, they will have gotten the attention of one of the Wealthy Families in the area and be offered jobs. Which family is really, based on what will work best for them and you as the DM. For gags you might be tempted to have the Yokels pick them up, but that is a hard bit to sustain, and you may be better served keeping them on the side as a comic foil rather than up front. Completely up to you. The session should end with them being invited to meet their new patron tomorrow someplace important.

CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens

After successfully defeating the Enchanted Broom, our Bumpkins have gained the attention of a possible local Patron. This individual has summoned them to a nearby farm to discuss future work. That work includes proving themselves capable and not just lucky.

ACT 1: Meet the Boss

In this Act the players will meet with their new patron, one of the Family Heads, who that is entirely depends on their choices from the last game. This entire side branch is designed to flavor the background of the campaign, but if you’d rather just have them stay freelancing and independent that’s fine as well. There is also the possibility of “competing” offers should they have second thoughts for any reason. Once they arrive at the meeting spot their Patron will ask them some questions about their ambitions (Class Goals), they will then hand them off to their new “boss” who will assign them their task. They will take them to a nearby barn.
NEW NPC: “Boss”
Needs a fitting name for the Family they work for...
Character wise, what we got here is a standard “Ranch Foreman” character. They’re tough, A little mean, and completely loyal to their employer. They almost certainly chew tobacco (by the handful), have a tattoo of the Ranch’s Brand, and know where all the bodies are buried. They also have a huge and obvious scar on the side of their head where a Giant Chicken pecked a hole in their skull, so they’re not as bright as they used to be, not at all truthfully. Nor are they actually the Foreman anymore, but no one has a heart to tell them. They’ve been quietly downgraded to Chicken Handler, which is something they seem to remember quite well, but the brain damage keeps them from realizing all that. They can be found wandering the Farm giving strange orders to other Hands. These Hands nod politely and then go back to what they are doing.
Things To Do! - Meet Their Patron - Discuss Their Future - Meet Their New “Boss”

ACT 2: Chicken Dance

Boss will lead them into the odd looking barn. This building is filled with Giant Chickens. These two-three foot fouls have extremely exaggerated features, spiky looking beaks with sharp tooth like edges, big darting eyes, bumpy cracked skin, long gnarled talons, and dirty mottled feathers. They’re more beast than bird. But, they’re good for eatin! These creatures should have a stat block similar to an Axe Beak. When the players enter into the Barn the Chickens will go nuts, obviously deeply bothered by the intrusion. Boss will throw in some deer haunches and the birds will tear them apart in a feeding frenzy. They will then put on a Chicken Suit and begin a flapping dance. (Google Magnificent Riflebird) It should be absolutely captivating and the chickens will become mesmerized, watching every move. Boss will then load two dozen chickens onto a large wagon and lock it. They will have the players push the wagon out while he keeps the Chickens calm. Once outside they’ll hang heavy tarps on the sides of the wagon, and remove the suit. He will then explain to them that they need to keep the tarps on the wagon, and keep the birds well fed, or the chickens will get restless and become violent. When they do need to interact with them someone will have to wear the suit and dance to keep them calm. The bigger the person in the suit the better. Boss will then give them a Map of Green Valley and instruct them to drop off two chickens at each of the outer settlements. They have two days to get this done.
Things To Do! - Head into the barn - Witness The Dance of The Chicken - Push the Wagon out - Get the Costume and Delivery Instructions

ACT 3: Bumpy Roads

They will be off to deliver the Chickens to various locations. There is no specific order to this delivery, they just need to pick a route and go. If they’re short on time they can take the country roads that lead between the outer settlements, but these aren’t as well kept as the main roads are. Whatever road they take and wherever they decide to stop for the night there are problems they will encounter along the way. You can make them random or pick the ones that best suit your players. Most of these should at some point require someone putting on the suit and dancing for the chickens to keep them calm. I would also increase the difficulty of each event. If they fail a dance the Chickens will become restless and start attacking the cart until they are calmed down. Too many failures and the wagon’s cage will break and the remaining chickens escape. They will then have to be rounded up and the cage repaired.
Things to Do - Decide the delivery route - Deliver the chickens - Keep the Chickens calm
Possible Road Events 1) Rough roads cause problems 2) Yokels attempt to see what’s in the cart 3) Bad Weather swamps the road or scares the chickens 4) Pack of Coyotes causes trouble. 5) Chicken Rustlers! Protect the Flock! 6) Wagon breaks and needs repair 7) Cows in the road, someone’s herd is out. 8) Broken Bridge, not gone, just broken

ACT 4: Final Delivery

They’re now closing in on the final delivery. Something needs to happen here to cause them to put the suit on. Or maybe they never took it off! I love that idea, that one of your players just loves the suit and wants to be a chicken… lol… Anyway I’m a fan of having them need to get out of the suit for some reason, maybe a bathroom break, or they stand on a fire ant hill, or a snake slithers up their leg. You know something silly and fun. BUT the zipper is stuck! So they’ll have to try and unstick it and fast! Whatever happens they’re going to get shot at by some hunters looking for a big score who have mistaken the flailing caused by the stuck zipper to be the chicken attacking. After dealing with the Hunters they can go ahead and make the final drop. And head home.
Things to Do! - Head for the final delivery - Get shot at! - Deliver the last chickens
ENCOUNTER: That’s a BIG Chicken!
Having two hunters in the field is more than enough to cause a problem for the players. The hunters will almost certainly surprise the players, but you can allow them a perception check, if they succeed they’ll see the hunters just before the muskets go off. It would be OK to down the Chicken Player here if the hunters successfully hit it. They’ll have healer’s kits on hand because, well, this seems to happen to them a lot out here. After the initial attack the players can decide to attack back or try and talk the hunters down. A basic Bandit or Scout stat block should do will for the hunters. If you’re looking for a bit more mayhem, if the hunters miss the players you could have them hit the cage, and you know, bust it open. This may be especially tempting if they
POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER: Big Ol' Frog
So there is a giant frog hiding in the mud down in the creek. If a player takes cover behind the banks there is a good chance that the frog will attempt to nab the player as a snack. If it is successful in grabbing a player with its tongue it will immediately head down river, and they'll have to chase it to get their friend back.

CLOSE

When they return, Boss will reward them. How much will depend on how successful they were delivering the birds. If they did a descent job, they will be paid two day’s wages each. If they were completely successful they can have a bonus. However, if the wagon is in bad shape they might have some money deducted. After they’re paid out, they will be dismissed, and told to expect a new assignment next week.

CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent

After successfully delivering chickens Boss is going to trust them with a more important task. Their employer has requested an item to be created by Marvin the Magnificent. This is a farming community so having enchanted Farming Equipment is extremely desirable. Marvin has done a lot of basic enchantments over the years, but this new one, an The Stone Skipper, a plough whose blade goes ethereal while in contact with stones too large to push away, has really put him to the test. He needs some help with the final enchantments. The players will have to travel to the Ethereal Plane and hit the Blade of the plow with large rocks. But there’s a problem, they’re going to have mischievous Ethereal Sprites attempting to stop them! If they’re successful, which they should be, they get to take the plough for a test drive, and deal with the strange side effects of the enchantment. Angry goats that blink in and out of existence.

ACT 1: To the Tower

They’ll be summoned out to the Ranch where they’ll meet with Boss again. Once there they will notice a large pile of bent and dinged up plows. Boss will explain to them that a recent land acquisition has become problematic. The Fields are filled with large stones just under the topsoil and they’ve damaged a lot of Plow Blades. The Smithing costs are getting out of hand and so their Patron is looking for an alternate solution to the problem. He is sending them to help Marvin the Magnificent, who has taken the job, but run into some complications and needs some help. They may ask about Marvin. Or perhaps the fields that were purchased, so be ready to answer these types of questions. Once they’re done here they can head to Marvin’s Tower, which is just north of town.
Things to Do! - Meet Boss again - Ask some Informational Questions - Head for the Tower
NPC: Marvin the Magnificent

ACT 2: Marvin the Magnificent

As they approach the tower they should see an explosion at the peak of the structure. It should look similar to a fireworks mishap. When it clears there will be no visible damage to the tower, But Marvin will plummet to the earth just off to the side of them, landing in a small pond. He will then come charging out of the pond, laughing hysterically, and riding on a large turtle. Once he gets a few feet away from the pond the turtle will disappear and he will tumble to the ground right in front of the players. He will leap up quickly and turn toward the players. “Behold Travelers, You stand in the presence of Marvin the Magnificent! And everything you have witness was mostly intended!” He will then strike a cool pose with his wand pointed to the sky! “Now why do you approach my tower!?”
Once Marvin finds out they’ve been sent about the plow he will become more nervous looking. “I see, well follow me. We have work to do.” He will then start walking toward the tower… his boots squishing out water. This should give them a little time to ask a few questions. Marvin will be a little subversive about what they need to do. He will attempt to frame it very mysteriously, saying things like “All will be revealed soon.” and “Save your questions! All Answers await us… in the future!” If they ask him about what they witnessed outside, he will tell them he was working on a mount summoning spell designed for lakes and rivers.
Things to Do! - Head toward the Tower - Meet Marvin - Ask Questions

ACT 3: The Cabinet of Mysteries

The inside of the Wizard’s Tower will be far more mundane than they likely expect. At least on the first floor. It will have a sitting room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as a few odds and ends about. Nothing special at all. The second floor, are Marvin’s personal quarters and some room for study, but it is the third floor, where Marvin will lead them, and it will be more of what one would expect in a Wizard’s tower. There will be books shelves, arcane equipment, and storage for components. In the middle of the room will be a tall cabinet.
:
Marvin will explain to them that the Cabinet is a transportation device, and that he will need them to enter into it with a plow that he has recently enchanted. They will be taken to the Ethereal Plane, and once there they’ll need to take the plow outside and begin hitting it with large field stones. There is a large pile of stones just on the north edge of the tower. They’ll have to do this quickly, before the “others” show up. Who are the others? Hard to say, but there are things that live in the Ethereal Plane that don’t like intruders. The idea is to imbue the Plow with Ethereal Powers so it can pass through large stones while plowing fields. Once they return with the Enchanted Plow, Marvin will have them load it on a cart, pulled by a very smart Donkey, and send them on their way.
Skill Challenge: Enchant the Plow This skill challenge will require five successes before they’re incapacitated by the others. However they decide to do it, they’ll have to successfully hit the plow with five large stones. Failures will result in strange indiscernible entities attacking them. They do minimal damage but could knock people out if there are enough failures.
Things to Do! - Move Through Marvin’s Tower - Enter the Cabinet - Enchant the Plow

ACT 4: Blinking Goats

Upon returning to Boss with the Plow they will be happily greet and paid. Their Patron will be there and will be very pleased with their success. He will ask them to demonstrate the plow’s abilities. Once they get set up out in the field and begin plowing something weird will happen. Every time they hit a stone and the plow’s power activates an Ethereal Goat will manifest and kick or ram the plow, and then disappear. It will feel very similar to what they encountered in the Ethereal Plane. They’ll have to find a way to deal with the manifestations.
ENCOUNTER: Ethereal Goats These goats should function very similarly to Blink Dogs, but I would trim the HP and AC a little to put them in line with the party’s. They will be intent on breaking the Plow not the party, although they will attack the party if they can’t get to the Plow.
Things to Do! - Deliver the Plow - Drive the Plow - Defeat the Ethereal Goats

CLOSE

Once defeated the Boss will come over to yell at them, but the Patron will find the entire thing amusing and more importantly, another impressive demonstration of the player’s skills. He will invite them to the “House” for an important party next week.

Chapter 4: High Society

They've definitely been noticed now and have impressed with their ability, unconventional as it may be. They are invited to their patron's home, but not as guests. Though, they might think they were actually invited as guests! They have been brought in to help work the event held out at the Party Field. They will have to gather party supplies, help put up the tent, and then serve the actual guests. During the evening’s entertainment a hypnotist “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will mesmerize the crowd and attempt to rob them all. Hopefully the players don’t fall victim to her schemes. And if they do oh well, they’ll be entertained all the same.

ACT 1: Special Delivery

The players arrive at the Patron’s very nice property. They will be greeted by a properly dressed servant with a clipboard, the Party Planner. The Planner will be rigid and direct. They will immediately begin tasking them about. If they mention that they were invited to the party the servant will laugh “You didn’t think you were a guest? Oh dear, how embarrassing. You’re the help! It is still a great honor to be tasked to help at the Party, but you’re not guests. Now as for your current task. Head into town and gather these supplies. Bring them to the field by noon.” After the instructions are given the servant will go back to their tasks and expect the players to do the same. They will have three stops; The Crocked Crow for Food and Beer, Get Nailed for the Tent and Spirits, and Shalana Proud-Breed’s Tailor Shop to pick up the Dry Cleaning. Feel free to make any and all of these go sideways! Its a good place to toss in some shenanigans as well! They should also be introduced to Dr Hypnotika and her associates.
Things To do! - Go to their Patron’s Home - Meet the Party Planner and Dr Hypnotika - Run their Errands
NPC: Dr Hypnotika
Dr Hypnotika and her group will perform for the party. Hypnotica is a Tiefling Mezmerist and illusionist. She has an obnoxiously high charisma and some pretty serious skills to back up her claims. However, she uses those skills to beguile her guests, robbing them blind while they are under her spells. She wears a fine robe with a bedazzled headwrap. She has dark upward spiraling horns, light purple skin, and matching eyes. She wears a monocle and walks with a ceremonially carved staff depicting the "Struggles of the Universe". She is extremely persuasive and even more deceptive. Even if someone were to grow suspicious she can easily talk her way out of trouble.
NPCs: Clapper and Bob Hypnotika brings with her two assistants. Clapper the suit wearing Kenku who will perform wondrous displays of mimicry and slight of hand, and her strongman Bob the Kobold. Bob wears a leopard print strongman's outfit and is amazingly swole, particularly for a kobold, and capable of lifting upwards of 400lbs. Bob doesn't do much else other than get hit with things. in the act.

ACT 2: Put up the Tent

After they finish running their errands they will be tasked with putting up a large party tent. This Act is an ongoing Skill Challenge and should have a constantly distracted feel to it. First they have to unpack the tent. Then they have to realize some pieces are missing, they’ll have to form a solution to that problem. After that wind should cause some problems as the tent is at least being pulled up. This is a great moment for some wondrous tom-foolery.
Things To do! - Unpack the tent - Deal with missing parts - Secure the tent during the wind gusts

ACT 3: Put These On

After they finish putting up the tent they’ll be sent to the Servant’s Quarters to bathe and change. They’ll get a little time to explore and snoop if they wish. Afterward they’ll be tasked with helping in the kitchen, but unfortunately the cooks are going to have been playing a drinking game all afternoon and are no longer fully capable of doing their jobs. This would make a great moment for some sort of mini-game where the players have to determine whether or not the cooks are doing the right things. Once the dinner has been completed they will have to serve the guests. This is a good place to insert gossip and help them meet a few other folks.
Things To do! - Get changed for the party - Deal with the drunk cooks - Serve the guests drinks and food

ACT 4: An Evening to Remember

At some point in the evening things are going to start sliding downhill. Some of the locals will have become extremely inebriated and will need to be encouraged to leave, or just moved off to the side as they’ve already passed out, before the show begins. Once the show begins the locals will become fixated on the goings on. “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will have put an additive in the drinks for the that will make everyone more susceptible to her powers of persuasion. Once the show starts she will have them all doing silly things, those who drank have disadvantage on saves against her powers. She will end the show asking the guests to display their most valuable treasure, a with a hypnotic pattern and then send her assistants out to collect those treasures. The players will have to “do something” about the thieves.
Things To do! - Deal with Drunks - Watch the Show - Stop the Criminals
ENCOUNTER: Hypnotika's Gang This encounter doesn't have to be a fight. If Hypnotika is caught she may claim it was all part of the act and simple return the valuables with a "no harm, no foul" type attitude. This will be he go to in an attempt to avoid a fight, but if the character persist in some kind of retribution or punishment the situation will devolve into a combat. Hypnotica herself is an Illusionist Wizard but is low on spells after the show. Clapper is a low level rogue and Bob a Barbarian, and should play out as such. Even with Skills they are combat adverse and will be looking for an opportunity to flee rather than fight. They do have a getaway wagon out front that they'll be headed for if things go south.

CLOSING

We’re assuming the Bumpkins at least attempted to stop the robbery. This will draw a lot of attention to them. Their Patron will be well pleased with them, and let them know they will be getting much more important jobs in the future. The guests will also take note and will begin treating them all a bit better. They’re all essentially Folk Heroes at this point for secondary backgrounds. Their Patron should reward them with something very nice as the party kicks back in. They will need to finish out the nights work of course.

Quest-line Closing

Congratulations! Your Players have completed their first Quest-line! Hopefully it was a delightful experience. But now that they've finished what comes next? Well, here are some ideas.
*Reward Them! * They've been doing some rather Adventurous things lately, and therefore should now have a Class Level under their belt, so the real D&D world now opens to them! Maybe it is time for some real adventuring gear. No more sticks, stones, and burlap sack armor.
Folk Heroes? There's a good chance that the Valley is Speaking the News about them and their exploits while drinking in the taverns. They may have even earned the actual Folk Hero Feat! Maybe someone would be interested in giving them a task!
Simply Go Exploring! There are a lot of places in Green Valley that we only dipped our toes into. You could have them head down to Stinkmarsh, or maybe climb up the cliffs of Longridge. The world (Well, the Valley) is wholly open to them.
Explore Local Legends There are lots of local legends they can look into! Hopefully they search out something that isn't too far over their heads!
Continue Working for their Patron It would be an easy DM go to simply to have them continue working for their current Patron. They've probably been impressive enough fo a family to be interested in keeping them on.
Establish Themselves as Adventurers! Maybe they want to set up a Adventurers for Hire business? This "Heroes Guild" approach is really appealing to a lot of players and absolutely plays into Bumpkin Quest. Just remember, this is a place of low key problems that locals make really big deals out of. So the idea of slaying dragons shouldn't really be on the table... that is until an actual dragon shows up! Which one day absolutely should.

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Mainly I need to speak to people in senior positions for a paid consulting opportunity where you’d be sharing your expertise on collision repairs, and this would be a paid consulting opportunity! 😊
If you’re interested, and work in a senior position in an Auto collision repair shop in the Midwest please get in touch!

Hi, I got to know that Aussie Auto in Streetsville (Thomas St & Joymar Dr intersection) is closing down. To anyone who is a regular customer there, do you know if they are simply shutting down, or relocating? I know of some construction coming up in that area, but I have heard of great reviews of that auto repair shop and its disappointing that its shutting just as I was about to try it out.

The party was on at a gathering of unsung Republican heavyweights, and I was in search of the armadillo racing. The booze was flowing: Open bars numbered in the double digits, plus metal bathtubs teemed with beer on ice. Cover bands played and DJs spun. There was line dancing and trick ropers, twirling lassos and mechanical bulls, bucking riders and stilt-walkers.
And there were car dealers—thousands of them. So many gray blazers atop so many pairs of jeans, so many corporate logos embossed on so many fleece vests. So many, many men. This year’s blowout was in Dallas and the invite called for “Western duds,” so there were omni gallon hats and dinner-plate belt buckles too.
This was opening night of the NADA Show, the annual convention of the National Automobile Dealers Association, one of the most powerful trade organizations representing one of the richest professions in America, and there was much to celebrate.
The years since COVID hit had been some of the industry’s best ever. Supply-chain issues had sent prices skyrocketing. New car prices were up; used car prices were up even more. “This has been an unexpected bonanza for new car dealers,” George Hoffer, professor emeritus of transportation economics at Virginia Commonwealth University, told Time late last year. Only a few months prior, the research firm Haig Partners clocked average gross profit for dealers at 180 percent over 2019 levels.
Really, the past hundred years had been great. Auto dealers are one of the five most common professions among the top 0.1 percent of American earners. Car dealers, gas station owners, and building contractors, it turns out, make up the majority of the country’s 140,000 millionaires. Crunching numbers from the U.S. Census Bureau, data scientist and author Seth Stephens-Davidowitz found that over 20 percent of car dealerships in the U.S. have an owner banking more than $1.5 million per year.
And car dealers are not only one of the richest demographics in the United States. They’re also one of the most organized political factions—a conservative imperium giving millions of dollars to politicians at local, state, and national levels. They lobby through NADA, the organization staging the weekend’s festivities, and donate to Republicans at a rate of 6-to-1. Through those efforts, they’ve managed to write and rewrite laws to protect dealers and sponsor sympathetic politicians in all 50 states. All of which meant that this year, presidential hopeful Nikki Haley and Fox News darling Greg Gutfeld, among others, had made the pilgrimage to kiss the key ring.
...
In many ways, you can’t understand U.S. conservatism without understanding the car dealer—that middlemensch of American capitalism, selling a product he doesn’t make at a fat-enough markup to become fabulously rich and politically powerful. And dealers who have lodged themselves in the middle of Republican politics find themselves at a crossroads, just like the party they patronize. Underneath the froth, and the humidity, there was anxiety in the air. I journeyed to the NADA convention to hear the dealers’ vision of the future. What I found is a stark prescription for what Republicans want now.
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2023/05/rich-republicans-party-car-dealers-2024-desantis.html

Every once in a while I find a parts guy who actually cares and who knows what he is doing. That is increasingly a rare occurance in this day and age. Here is the tale of one.
Years ago I was working on my race car and needed an obscure part. I called my wrecker driver and told him what was going on. He said to call the local GMC dealer (back when they had separate dealerships pre recession) and ask for Harry. That was the first time I dealt with him, but it was not the last by far. (The part was not available if you were curious)
Fast forward to the opening of our business. Harry is now working the parts counter at the local Chevy dealership and we learn to call him. When I get a good parts guy I will call them instead of anyone else at the same place, in my experience they will take care of you better when they know you will hold for their expertise.
Harry soon proved to be reliable, knowledgeable and witty. Not only would he jump through hoops to get us our parts, when he couldn't he would tell us how to solve the issue. "You did not hear this from me but if you call so and so they are sitting on this part, just won't sell us the part"
Or when you called him, "Oh yes thats part 719844312, lets see what the Auto Repair Shops price is today..."
Best of all is the parts guy who really knows his stuff. "You will also need these bolts, this gasket and this hose. I guarantee you will find it's broken when you get there." I don't know how many times he saved us on stuff like that. Or "I never sell that part, you might want to check this other thing before ordering, every car out there needs it instead" And he was right..
Funny too. The last thing we talked about we were ordering yet another intake and valve cover assembly for a Cruze.
Harry starts in " I call those vacation cars. Perfect car for a vacation, they get great fuel mileage. But don't bother with taking any luggage, you will need to fill the trunk with tools and a spare intake and valve cover...." We were falling off our chairs laughing after having seen three such Cruzes or other GM cars with the same engine package in the last few days.
But alas Harry announced it was time to hang up the parts phone and take a well deserved retirement. He actually was supposed to work until today and take a very long lunch but word was he pulled the trigger early.
I will miss his humor, I used to get him riled up by asking if one of our former employees that he used to take fishing and had showed an interest in one of Harry's daughters much to Harrys dismay was any closer to being his future son-in-law. Harry might have liked to go fishing with the guy, but he was not on either Harry's or his daughters list of prospective suitors. Harry assured me many times they would be handing out ice skates in Hades before that particular matchup occurred .
But hopefully we all get to retirement, I can't say I blame him for that. I just wanted him to clone himself and infuse a younger version of himself with all that knowledge before he left. Good luck fishing Harry, we will certainly miss you!

Hey-Oh! So, I see some form of this question multiple times per day in various skin and personal care subs: How do I deal with my hyperpigmentation? I also asked myself this question a few years ago. See, I'm prone to freckles and a little melasma and I set out to figure out a way to solve it with years of research, trial and error, testing, talking to dermatologists and professionals, and scouring every medical article I could get my hands on. I wanted to share my findings and research since this is a common concern, especially among people in their 30s. This started as a small post about my routine and ballooned into a massive book about hyperpigmentation. I hope it's helpful!
DISCLAIMERS:

• I use the term "brightening" instead of "lightening" which is a subtle distinction. None of the ingredients or methods I recommend bleach your skin as "lightening" would suggest, but they can reduce the appearance of hyperpigmentation. "Brightening" tends to be a confusing term in skincare, but for the purposes of this post, I use it as a descriptor for anything that helps prevent or reduce melanin in hyperpigmented skin.
• I will use the term "hyperpigmentation" ad nauseam as a catch-all term for excess pigmentation in the skin including freckles, melasma, PIH and dark spots. This does not encompass moles which are different. This is also different from redness, which is a whole other post.
• Speaking about hyperpigmentation requires some sensitivity to very real issues around it including cultural implications. This post is not intended to moralize hyperpigmentation nor is it intended to alienate the normal melaninization of skin across various tones. Hyperpigmentation refers to excess melanin production on the skin in the form of spots that are darker than the surrounding skin. It's not bad or wrong, nor does it speak to anyone not "doing a good enough job" of taking care of themselves.
• I do repeat myself a few times in here but that is for people who are skipping around the article. I want to be as thorough as possible even if you're jumping to the parts of the post you need.
• I do run an online dermatology practice and skin care consultancy, but in order to protect the integrity of my advice, I do not promote my business, I don't give direct medical advice, I don't link to any products/websites, and I don't have any products I've formulated myself to promote.

This is going to get long because I wanted to cover everything re:hyperpigmentation. But for your reading pleasure and ease, I have divided this post up so you can get whatever information you need:
Table of Contents

1. Types of Hyperpigmentation
2. What Causes Hyperpigmentation?
3. How To Treat Hyperpigmentation Part 1: The Ingredients
4. How to Treat Hyperpigmentation Part 2: The Routine and Recommendations
5. Body Hyperpigmentation
6. Nuclear Options

Let's get to it!

Types of Hyperpigmentation

Hyperpigmentation refers to excess melanin production in the skin, but it can actually take a couple different forms. Knowing the type of hyperpigmentation you're experiencing is key to understanding if and how it can be treated.
Freckles: Freckles are incredibly common, especially for people with lighter skin tones. They are small, brown or reddish-brown dots often clustered on the skin. They develop on the surface and are not raised bumps. Freckles can appear anywhere on the body but are common on the face. Freckles are permanent, but the color, contrast and severity can vary and be tempered.
Melasma: Melasma appears as dark patches or splotches around the face, though usually found on the forehead, upper lip, and high on the cheeks. Melasma forms deeper in the skin and appears more amorphous than freckles, moles, or age spots. It can create a “muddy” appearance and is very common among pregnant and postpartum women due to hormonal factors. But it can literally happen to anyone and anywhere on the body.
Post-Inflammatory Hyperpigmentation (PIH): Post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation (PIH) occurs when damaged skin forms melanin during the healing process leaving dark spots. This is common after acne, injuries, eczema, burns, and other trauma to the skin. Exposure to UV rays during healing can make PIH worse. Post-inflammatory erythema (PIE) is similar, but leaves pink or red marks on the skin as a result of damage to the capillaries from injury or inflammation. Basically, when skin is compromised by injury, as part of the immune response cells will begin to generate melanin in an attempt to prevent further damage from UV exposure, so what will happen is the wound/legion/blemish will heal but the pigmented skin remains.
Age Spots: This is kind of a forgotten form of hyperpigmentation. Sun spots, also referred to as liver spots, and solar lentigines are large spots/patches of dark skin with distinct borders. They vary in color from light brown to almost black. They develop on the surface of the skin usually later in life, but reflect damage that often occurred from improper sun protection at a younger age. They can appear on the face, neck, chest, hands, and arms, usually on areas that had UV exposure. For many people, they can begin to appear in your 30s or 40s.

What Causes Hyperpigmentation?

There are a number of factors that can contribute to the formation of hyperpigmentation. Generally, it forms as the result of a combination of genetic and environmental influences. Everyone is unique, but these are some of the most common causes of hyperpigmentation and dark spots:
Genetics can play a role in the development of hyperpigmentation and dark spots in several ways:

• Melanin production: Melanin is the pigment that provides color to our skin, hair, and eyes. The amount of melanin produced and distributed in the skin is largely determined by genetics. People with a greater genetic predisposition to melanin production in their skin are more likely to experience hyperpigmentation and dark spots as a result of sun exposure, hormonal changes, and other factors. People with darker skin are also more prone to melanin production in the form of hyperpigmentation.
• Genetic anomalies: Certain genetic anomalies, such as oculocutaneous albinism, can affect melanin production and distribution in the skin, leading to an increased risk of hyperpigmentation and dark spots.
• Family history: If you have a family history of hyperpigmentation or dark spots, you may be more likely to develop these conditions yourself.
• Enzymes and genes: The enzymes that control melanin production and distribution are regulated by specific genes. Variations in these genes can impact melanin production, leading to an increased risk of hyperpigmentation and dark spots.

Sun (UV) Exposure. In addition to genetic determination of melanin production, UV exposure is the leading environmental cause of hyperpigmentation and the formation of dark spots. Melanin is the pigment that provides color to our skin, hair, and eyes. It acts as a natural sunscreen (but don't treat it like natural sunscreen!!! This isn't the point of the exercise), absorbing UV radiation to protect the skin from damage.
When the skin is exposed to UV radiation, the melanocytes (cells that produce melanin) in the skin go into overdrive, producing more melanin to protect the skin from further damage. This increased melanin production can result in dark spots or areas of hyperpigmentation on the skin.
Hormones. In addition to genetic determination of melanin production, hormones and hormonal sensitivity is a leading internal cause of hyperpigmentation and the formation of dark spots.
One of the most well-known examples of hormonal hyperpigmentation is melasma, a condition characterized by dark, amorphous patches on the face, particularly on the cheeks, forehead, nose, and upper lip. Melasma is often associated with hormonal changes, such as those that occur during pregnancy, hormonal therapy, or birth control pill use. The hormonal changes can stimulate an increase in melanin production, resulting in dark spots or areas of hyperpigmentation. This can happen irrespective of UV exposure, though the sun does exacerbate it.
Hormones can also affect melanin production by altering the skin's metabolism and pigmentation pathways. For example, high levels of cortisol, a hormone produced by the adrenal glands during stress, can trigger an increase in melanin production, resulting in hyperpigmentation.
Inflammation, Injury & Trauma to the skin can result in hyperpigmentation by triggering an increase in melanin production. When the skin is inflamed or injured, it triggers a response from the body's immune system, which can stimulate an increase in melanin production as a protective measure.
For example, acne breakouts or other skin injuries can result in post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation (PIH), which is characterized by dark spots or areas of discoloration on the skin. The dark spots are a result of an increase in melanin production in the affected area, which occurs in response to the inflammation or injury. In addition to acne and other skin injuries, other conditions that can result in PIH include eczema, psoriasis, and insect bites.
Medication Side Effects. Certain medications can cause hyperpigmentation on the skin. Medications that can cause hyperpigmentation include:

• Tetracycline antibiotics: Tetracycline antibiotics, such as doxycycline and minocycline, can cause discoloration of the skin and teeth when taken in high doses or for an extended period of time.
• Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs): NSAIDs, such as ibuprofen and naproxen, can cause hyperpigmentation in some individuals, especially if taken in high doses or for an extended period of time.
• Chemotherapy drugs: Certain chemotherapy drugs, such as doxorubicin and daunorubicin, can cause hyperpigmentation, especially in areas of the skin that have been exposed to the sun.
• Hormonal medications: Hormonal medications, such as birth control pills and estrogen replacements, can cause hyperpigmentation in some individuals, especially if they are taken for an extended period of time.
• Antimalarial drugs: Antimalarial drugs, such as chloroquine and hydroxychloroquine, can cause hyperpigmentation in some individuals, especially if taken in high doses or for an extended period of time.
• Isotretinoin aka accutane when taken for acne can cause hyperpigmentation due to the increase of cell turnover and exposing delicate new skin cells to UV rays before they have shored up.

If using these medications is necessary for your livelihood, it is not recommended to stop their use without the recommendation of your doctor.

How To Treat Hyperpigmentation Part 1: The Ingredients

When looking for skin care products to treat and prevent hyperpigmentation and dark spots, it's important to look for ingredients that can help encourage cell turnover, curb melanin production, and block harmful UV rays. A lot of these things overlap with treatments for other conditions like acne and general anti-aging, but I've noted ones that specifically work on the mechanisms controlling melanin production. Now, this is an extensive list, but I know it doesn't have everything. I've included the ingredients that had the most compelling evidence and/or worked the best for me or people at my practice. But it's also not necessarily a shopping list. You don't have to have all of these things to treat hyperpigmentation, but I'll get to that in the routine portion. This is more to be used as a tool that can help you diversify your routine if you find one ingredient or another doesn't work for you. And it can help you determine if a product targets hyperpigmentation based on its ingredients. There's lot's of options. Some of the key ingredients to look for include:
Retinoids that increases cell turnover. Retinoids like tretinoin, adapalene, retinol et al, can help treat hyperpigmentation by promoting the turnover of skin cells and increasing cell growth, which can help fade dark spots and improve overall skin tone by replacing pigmented skin cells at the surface. While retinoids are extremely effective, they do have some caveats. First, they can be sensitizing to a lot of users, but this can be tempered by using different form functions, different application methods, or different concentrations. Second, because it's constantly turning over skin exposing delicate new skin cells to the elements, it can actually worsen hyperpigmentation if you're not vigilant about sun protection and avoidance. Tretinoin and other retinoids are firewalled behind a prescription in some countries and may be more difficult to obtain. But retinol/al is available in OTC forms.
SPF represents a class of many ingredients designed to protect the skin from UV rays and the damage that occurs from exposure. UV exposure is one of the biggest causes of fine hyperpigmentation and wrinkles so adequate protection is essential. I know I'm not winning any science awards for this declaration, but a lot of people who struggle with hyperpigmentation aren't adequately protecting themselves from the sun. But you also have to be kind of realistic. Even with perfect protection and avoidance, sometimes your hyperpigmentation will still flare. This happens during the summer for a lot of people and something even I grapple with. The key is to do your best and SPF actually works well with numerous other ingredients (like the ones listed below) to help solve that problem.
Arbutin is a Tyrosinase Inhibitor that blocks melanin production. Arbutin, or the synthesized version called alpha arbutin, is a favorite brightening ingredient because it's a slow-release derivative of hydroquinone that inhibits melanin production. This results in both healing and prevention of dark spots, especially when paired with topical acids. It metabolizes on the skin into hydroquinone which is super effective for hyperpigmentation while being a less controversial and hard-to-come-by ingredient than pure hydroquinone. More on hydroquinone in part 6.
Tranexamic acid is another Tyrosinase Inhibitor. This was first used in wound care and it was found to have profound effects on hyperpigmentation. Although it's an acid, it's not a chemical exfoliant, kinda like how hyaluronic acid is not a chemical exfoliant. The exact mechanism by which tranexamic acid works to reduce hyperpigmentation is not fully understood, but it is believed to work by reducing inflammation by blocking plasmin which contributes to melanin production when unchecked. It is particularly effective in treating melasma and one of my personal favorite ingredients.
Kojic Acid is another Tyrosinase Inhibitor. Kojic acid is a natural skin brightener that is derived from various fungi. Kojic acid can also help to exfoliate because it's a slight chemical exfoliant, which can remove dead skin cells that contribute to hyperpigmentation and improve overall appearance. But it does both things: block melanin production and turn skin cells over.
Azelaic Acid has a lot of things going for it that can help with hyperpigmentation. It's an anti-inflammatory and antiseptic that disrupts melanin production. Azelaic acid works by inhibiting the production of melanin in the skin like those other tyrosinase inhibitors. In addition, azelaic acid also has anti-inflammatory and antibacterial properties, which help to improve the overall health and appearance of the skin by reducing melanin production as a result of injury or inflammation. It's also an anti-acne ingredient that can address the root cause of PIH by reducing acne on the skin. It's pretty awesome and available in OTC and prescription strengths.
Niacinamide is another one that directly and indirectly addresses hyperpigmentation. It's a skin soother that decreases inflammation and it naturally reduces sebum production which can curb acne which can curb PIH. It actually took me a little while to figure out that this was another solid hyperpigmentation treatment for these reasons because I used to look at it as being more of an acne treatment. Niacinamide is a form of vitamin B3 that works by inhibiting the transfer of pigment within the skin, which can help to reduce the appearance of dark spots and uneven skin tone. So while it doesn't block tyrosinase, it prevents transfer of pigmented skin cells to the surface.
Vitamin C aka L-ascorbic acid is an antioxidant that fights free radical damage. It treats and prevents hyperpigmentation in three ways. First, it reduces free radical damage from UV exposure which helps increase the effectiveness of SPF when worn together. Second, it is also a tyrosinase inhibitor that blocks melanin production. And finally, vitamin C encourages skin cell turnover. The key is finding a nice stable version of it.
Glycolic and Lactic Acid. Since this list is getting long I am going to group these together. Glycolic Acid is a water-soluble alpha hydroxy acid that penetrates into the pores to treat pigmentation by providing general exfoliation and resurfacing of the skin. The result is improvements in dark spots, texture and other signs of aging. Lactic Acid is also an AHA but with a slightly larger molecular size than glycolic acid so it doesn't penetrate as deep and acts more as a surface exfoliant. As a result it provides more gentle exfoliation to buff away surface pigmentation with an added benefit of acting as a humectant to seal moisture into the skin.
Licorice Extract is a plant extract that inhibits melanin production. Licorice root extract contains a compound called glabridin, which has been shown to have skin brightening effects as, you guessed it, a tyrosinase inhibitor. In addition, licorice root extract also has anti-inflammatory properties, which can help to reduce redness and inflammation associated with hyperpigmentation. I'm seeing more and more of this pop up in skin care.
Soy Proteins are another plant extract that inhibits melanin production. They contain compounds known as isoflavones, which have been shown to help reduce the amount of melanin produced by melanocytes in the skin. Additionally, soy proteins have antioxidant properties that can help to protect the skin from damage caused by free radicals, which can contribute to hyperpigmentation.

How To Treat Hyperpigmentation Part 2: The Routine and Recommendations

This is adapted from numerous comments, posts and DMs I've written on the topic and also comprises a large portion of my own personal routine and routines we recommend to patients. This is a generalist routine meaning it targets all the forms of hyperpigmentation I've mentioned; freckles, melasma, PIH, and age spots though it can be tweaked to address these individually more specifically. This is really my jumping off point for people to get a good idea of what they can achieve as a baseline with OTC ingredients before fine tuning or enlisting the help of a dermatologist. For a lot of people, this is enough to fully resolve, but even if it gets you part of the way there, this should give you a good idea of reactivity.
A few caveats:

• Freckles cannot ever be 100% eradicated. You can however reduce their appearance and prevent them from getting darker. It's important to have realistic goals and understand that sometimes our genetics will overrule any routine we have.
• This routine and any hyperpigmentation routine will not address moles. Moles are a totally different thing that can only be eradicated through removal by a medical practitioner. Moles can be raised or not, but no amount of topicals will get rid of them.
• Melasma is a beast. Sometimes it can be treated with OTC topicals, sometimes it requires prescription strength topicals like hydroquinone, sometimes you need in-office procedures like fractal lasers or IPL. Again, this routine is a jumping off point to see what you can accomplish at home before going down that road (and more on that at the bottom in part 6).
• You'll notice I don't mention products with all the ingredients I listed above. This is because the more you put on your face, the greater your risk of causing irritation. Again, you can adjust and tweak by switching out products with these ingredients or add/subtract as it suits your personal needs.
• If you're struggling with hyperpigmentation while pregnant or breastfeeding, these recommendations may need to be paused.

Alright, let's get to it!
AM routine -- The Goal: Heal, Protect, and Prevent. In order of application following a lukewarm water rinse:

• Azelaic acid
• Alpha Arbutin
• Vitamin C serum
• Moisturizer
• SPF

The combo of C+AZ+AA+SPF is an absolute powerhouse for healing existing hyperpigmentation and preventing new hyperpigmentation from forming. It makes your SPF more effective, it inhibits the production of melanin from UV exposure (not your natural melanin production though), and it speeds cell turnover with dual antioxidant action and gentle chemical exfoliation. The result is brighter skin in a few months of consistent use.
For Azelaic Acid, this is the ingredient for serious treatment. It's considered one of the most effective ways to reverse melasma aka serious hyperpigmentation short of hydroquinone -- which is both controversial and hard to get. It brings a little bit of exfoliation to the table in addition to inhibiting UV melanin production, but it also has a slight antiseptic property which can help with acne. Paula's choice Azelaic Acid Booster is the only one I've really tried after sampling the Ordinary's in-store and not liking the texture. I get about 6 months out of a tube and a little bit goes a long way.
For Alpha Arbutin, the Ordinary's formulation is pretty solid. I prefer the Ordinary's AA 2% + HA as opposed to their AA 2% + Ascorbic Acid 8% as I don't believe the quality and stability of their Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C) is great. That's why I opt for a separate Vitamin C serum step. But the AA + HA also has a little bit of lactic acid in it which provides some gentle exfoliation and encourages AA deeper into the skin where it's more effective. Lactic acid is mild enough that it's safe for use in a morning routine, but you still want to protect with SPF. There are a couple AA products floating around but I think TO's product is probably the best, most straightforward one. Alpha Arbutin metabolizes into hydroquinone on the skin so is basically one of the best OTC pigment correctors you can get.
For Vitamin C, the gold standard really is Skinceuticals CE Ferulic. This is stupid expensive though so I’m going to suggest Timeless Vitamin C. I like that it comes in an airless pump that prevents oxidation over time. Vitamin C is an antioxidant that increases the rate of skin cell turnover bringing forward new, skin cells while simultaneously improving the effects of SPF. It's a great foundation for a fix.
These ingredients can be layered on one right after the other then topped with your moisturizer (I like a basic one like cetaphil daily lotion), then topped with your SPF. The SPF I would recommend is Canmake UV mermaid gel in clear as this will not leave a white cast on your skin and it’s generally a very elegant SPF. It's SPF 50 which means it gives really good protection, but there are numerous SPFs you can try. I personally like anything from La Roche Posay, any Neutrogena SPF that's not formulated with ethylhexylglycerin, Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen, Biore Aqua Rich (another Japanese brand), Trader Joe's SPF if you can get your hands on it, and EltaMD.
Of all the products I’ve tried that could act as a stand-in for vitamin c, azelaic acid, and alpha arbutin, there’s one Japanese serum from Hada Labo called “whitening lotion” which has had the biggest impact on my hyperpigmentation in a single product of anything I’ve tried. This might be a little too effective though, I actually find that it washed me out within the first 2 weeks of twice daily use, so now I only use it in the morning. And I’m not a fan of the translation… which is a direct but mistranslation. It’s not a bleaching lotion, it also relies on a form of vitamin C and tranexamic acid to brighten skin. But it's a really interesting to try if you wanted a simplified morning routine in which case I would apply this, then your moisturizer, then your SPF.
PM routine -- The Goal: Renew and Reveal. In order of application:

• Cleanse
• Buffer
• Tranexamic acid and exfoliant OR retinoid**
• Moisturize

To cleanse, I have a really basic recommendation that will remove your SPF, makeup, and any grime/sebum from your day. Start with Cetaphil gentle cleanser. This is a gentle, hydrating cleanser that will break up your SPF really effectively. Massage in and rinse. Then apply a foaming cleanser, I recommend Cetaphil daily cleanser which foams. This will sweep away anything that’s left and give you a good foundation for the rest of your routine. While this doesn't directly help hyperpigmentation specifically, it's a critical step especially for people who are acne>PIH prone. It also gives you a nice clean slate to apply the rest of your skincare. I've tried dozens of cleansers but always come back to these two as good basic options.
For your Buffer this is an important step that can be done prior to using a chemical exfoliant or retinoid: applying an occlusive that will block the active from more sensitive skin. I recommend buffering around your eyes and nostrils with La Roche Posay Cicaplast balm because it kind of doubles as a nice eye cream, but this can also be done with basic vaseline or aquaphor for a more budget-friendly option.
For Tranexamic Acid, my holy grail TXA product, La Roche Posay Glycolic B5 is actually a multipurpose serum that combines ingredients to treat hyperpigmentation with chemical exfoliants. It contains two hyperpigmentation heavy hitters -- Tranexamic acid and Kojic Acid which are great for melasma -- and two exfoliants -- Glycolic Acid and Lipo-Hydroxy Acid (LHA) which is like fancy salicylic acid -- so it both reveals new skin cells that are less prone to pigmenting from UV exposure while sloughing away your old skin cells. You can use this 2 or 3 nights per week. On off nights, just cleanse and moisturize.
For a Retinoid if you can get prescription tretinoin, this is going to be the best bet. Your doctor will advise you on the concentration. More on that in part 6. It will help speed up the rate of cell turnover bringing new, unpigmented skin cells to the surface faster. Some other OTC options include differin (which is rated more for acne but uses the same mechanism for cell turnover so it's also effective in this use case) and retinols. Now, I haven't tried every retinol on the market but I have two that I stand by: SkinCeuticals retinol and L'Oreal retinol serum. The SkinCeuticals is, in my opinion, the closest to RX tretinoin in terms of efficacy, but it's a little pricey. The L'Oreal also does a really good job and is a little more affordable. It's currently my go-to OTC on the days I'm not using my RX retinoid tazarotene. You can use this 2 or 3 nights per week. On off nights, just cleanse and moisturize.
** My recommendations for tranexamic acid and retinoids CANNOT be used in the same night. You'll nuke your skin. And for most people, both aren't necessary, you can get away with using one or the other. If I had a preference, I would say use the TXA serum instead of a retinoid, but if you can build up a tolerance to using them both without damaging your barrier, they work really well together. So, proceed with caution. If you want to use both, use them on alternate nights and give yourself a night or two without either to let your skin recover. For me personally, I do retinoids on Sundays, and Wednesdays, chemical exfoliants on Mondays and Thursdays, and I let my skin rest (cleanse, moisturize, squalene oil) on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays.
On top of whichever active you choose, apply your moisturizer. You can use the same one you use in your morning routine, the Cetaphil daily lotion as it’s nice and light. I also like La Roche Posay Toleraine double repair for a ceramide-based cream alternative if you want something richer. You do not want to "slug" over actives. This advice gets mixed in a lot. Slugging refers to applying an occlusive layer over your skincare such as vaseline, aquaphor, oils like squalene oil, or healing balms like La Roche Posay Cicaplast balm. While this can be done on hydration nights, it should not be done on nights when you're using chemical exfoliants or retinoids as this may make them too effective causing irritation and breakouts.

Body Hyperpigmentation

Ok, I need everyone to be a grownup for two seconds. These products and methods (both from the prior section and this section) should NOT be used on your genitals. First, you can cause serious irritation or infection by applying active skincare to your genitals. Second, it's really not going to do anything to change the pigmentation of the skin there. The skin on your genitals is different than your body and facial skin and it pigments in different ways for different reasons so it's not going to respond to topicals the same way the rest of your body does. Don't even try it.
To be perfectly clear, these are the areas you should not be applying skincare: labia majora, labia minora, vaginal entrance or vagina, clitoral hood, perineum, anus, intergluteal cleft aka inside your butt crack, penis, or scrotum. And I say this as someone who chaffed the precipice of her "intergluteal cleft" in an unfortunate crunches-in-the-wrong-gym-shorts accident leaving me with some deeply incriminating hyperpigmentation and earning me the nickname "skid mark" from my ever loving boyfriend. It faded after a year but you can still send prayers.
These are areas you can apply skincare but do so with absolute caution and at your own risk: bikini line, mons pubis, inner thigh up to the groin fold, butt cheeks.
Ok, now that we've got the disclaimers out of the way, let's move forward. Hyperpigmentation can also occur on body skin for the same reason it appears on the face, but it can also be triggered by friction. And because body skin is different from facial skin, it requires a slightly different approach. This is my recommendation for both hyperpigmentation and KP (Keratosis pilaris) because they rely on the same mechanism for treatment: chemical exfoliation.
In the case of body hyperpigmentation, I recommend a two prong approach: a body wash in the shower and a topical treatment to be used after. Oh, and SPF again if there are areas that are exposed to the sun, and I have a holy grail SPF recommendation for this.
Now you may have noticed in my facial skin recommendation that I did not mention CeraVe as a treatment brand. I have posted numerous takedowns of CeraVe on other threads so I won't rehash them here suffice it to say that it's no longer a brand I can in good faith recommend since it's acquisition by L'Oreal. This is often the brand that's considered when treating KP on the body, but I don't believe their formulations and ingredient quality works for everyone.
For the body wash, I recommend Neutrogena body clear with Salicylic acid. This is an exfoliating body wash that will help clear away dead skin cells on the surface allowing new ones to come through. To be effective, you want it to sit on your skin for a little while. I recommend lathering it up and applying it after turning off your shower faucet and letting it sit for 2 or 3 minutes. This is when I like to knock out shower emails. Then rinse away.
On towel dried skin after your shower, apply AmLactin Bumps Be Gone. Again, this is formulated for KP but the reason I like it is because it contains lactic acid which will also give the assist on brightening hyperpigmented body skin. The wash and this should be effective, but you might also want to mix in a few drops of the alpha arbutin serum I recommended for your facial routine, maybe three drops per application area (each leg, each arm, chest, etc). I generally don't encourage facial products on the body because it's not an economical use for them, and also because body skin is a little more resilient and doesn't need skincare that's formulated for more sensitive facial skin. The AA serum from the Ordinary is very affordable however and is a good hyperpigmentation generalist.
Another one that I mentioned in the facial hyperpigmentation portion that can work well on the body is the Hada Labo whitening lotion. Again, this is formulated around tranexamic acid which is very effective for hyperpigmentation and a little bit if this stuff goes a long way. I buy it in bulk from Japanese Importers though it's also available on Amazon for a slightly higher price. If you find yourself in Asia, stock up on it. I use this specifically for fading tan lines that happen (even with diligent/neurotic SPF use) around my fitness watch and the straps of my workout tops that I run in.
You also want to wear SPF on areas that are exposed to the sun to prevent pigmentation from occurring. The one I absolutely love that’s not your 90’s banana boat is Aveeno Protect + Hydrate lotion with SPF 60. This is a great SPF for a lot of reasons: it finishes like a lotion instead of a sunscreen, it dries down totally clear, and it has a pleasant, slight sweet scent. On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being bare skin, 10 being banana boat slathered on by your mom in 1997, and regular body lotion being a 2, I give Aveeno Protect + Hydrate a 2.5 in terms of texture and feel-finish. I use it as my daily lotion on my neck, arms, shoulders, and chest. If you're more active you might need a heavier hitter here like a sport sunscreen.

Nuclear Options

In general, I recommend trying OTC topical solutions for any skin concern before heading down the in-office procedure route. Part of this is because you can usually put a good dent in what you're struggling with by using OTC topicals, making in-office procedures and RX treatments easier and more effective. Part of it is so you have a good maintenance routine in place to use after the fact to preserve the results of your in-office procedure which can sometimes be costly. Lastly, while some procedures can solve the immediate problem completely, topical skincare can be really effective at treating other adjacent conditions like redness, acne, and fine lines.
Side note: I haven't listed every possible compounded medication because there are a lot, and many compounded meds are formulated to tackle multiple issues like acne and hyperpigmentation. I also tend to favor single note skin care (aka, products with very few ingredients) as this allows you to combine or remove certain actives and gives you a better sense of reactivity.
For tougher-to-treat hyperpigmentation such as melasma, if your topical routine doesn't totally clear the problem in 6 to 8 months, a visit to the dermatologist might be helpful. Here are the heavier-hitting procedures and topicals that can go the extra mile after you've exhausted other options.
Medical Grade Peels: Medical grade chemical peels can be done by dermatologists. Trichloroacetic acid (TCA) or phenol peels may be done for cases of severe hyperpigmentation, but high concentration BHA or AHA peels are also commonly used. I do these twice a year. Because of the strength of the acids used, these must be done by a medical professional with careful followup.
***IPL Therapy and Laser Therapy may not work for everyone and in some cases may exacerbate hyperpigmentation so you really want to work with dermatologists with a lot of experience in treating cases similar to yours to determine if these interventions are appropriate for you.
IPL Treatment: Intense Pulsed Light (IPL) therapy can treat hyperpigmentation by targeting the melanin in the skin with a broad spectrum of light wavelengths, heating and breaking the melanin down. IPL is particularly effective for treating sun damage and age spots, as well as other forms of hyperpigmentation. The treatment is relatively non-invasive, with minimal downtime, making it a popular option. This is also a great treatment for the redness associated with enlarged blood vessels (often confused for broken capillaries) on the surface of the skin which can also appear alongside hyperpigmentation. There isn't any clinical evidence to support at-home IPL devices being effective in the same way. That doesn't mean it's not possible, it's just not studied enough to be certain. Most at-home IPL devices do not operate in effective wavelengths the way professional grade ones do.
Laser Therapy: Fractional and CO2 lasers can be used to treat a range of hyperpigmentation issues, including sun damage, age spots, and melasma. The treatment works by removing the top layers of skin, which contain the excess pigmentation, revealing fresh, healthy skin cells underneath. The lasers also stimulate the production of collagen, which helps to improve skin texture and reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.
Hydroquinone: This isn't an in-office procedure like the aforementioned treatments, but it is firewalled behind a prescription meaning you can only access hydroquinone in effective concentrations by working with a doctor. This is a somewhat new development at least in the US following some covid-era rejiggering of prescription clearances. HDQ is controversial because it's a skin bleaching agent which has some cultural implications in places where light skin is favored over natural pigmentation. HDQ technically works the same way other OTC tyrosinase inhibitors do (in fact arbutin actually metabolizes into HDQ when applied to the skin), pure HDQ happens to be the most powerful version of them. It lightens any skin it touches, not just hyperpigmented skin in higher concentrations which can make it tough to use. This effect isn't as profound in the other tyrosinase inhibitors I mentioned making them much easier to use over HDQ which, in high concentrations, must be dotted on the skin in only hyperpigmented areas. So HDQ is really reserved for intervention in extreme or OTC treatment-resistance cases.
Tretinoin and Prescription Retinoids: This is going to be dependent on what part of the world you're in, but in a lot of countries, tretinoin and its counterparts like tazarotene are only available through prescription. I mentioned retinoids in the routine so if you're able to get your hands on a prescription from a doctor, it may be more effective than OTC retinols. Most doctors will prescribe a retinoid over hydroquinone, so this is usually easier to procure and can be quite effective on its own as a hyperpigmentation treatment. OTC differin is the only retinoid available over-the-counter (in the US) which can also be used for hyperpigmentation.
Prescription Azelaic Acid: This is another one that's available in lower concentrations over-the-counter (which can still be quite effective) but there are prescription strength grades of azelaic acid. This is usually reserved for rosacea treatment as it tends to target redness and flushing, or as an acne treatment because of its antiseptic properties, but it can also be an effective hyperpigmentation treatment for its tyrosinase-inhibiting ability.
If you made it this far, congratulations! I hope this information is helpful. While it is extensive and based on massive amount of research, experience, experimentation and work with professionals, it may not be perfect and it may not be suitable for everyone. Feel free to offer any constructive criticism or ask any questions in comments. I am always open to expanding my understanding.

Hi everyone! I posted earlier about my decision to buy a Toyota Tacoma to replace my S (I have not traded the S in, I got the Tacoma yesterday and I'm currently waiting on repairs from Tesla before I sell the S).
I suggested in the comment thread that I'd do a post about EVERYTHING that went wrong with that car. So let's buckle up because here we go.
I bought the car CPO from Tesla in June of 2019, it is a 2016 75D/"Standard Range" S. The car is a relatively rare build because Tesla upgraded to Autopilot 2 hardware in October of '16 and removed the free unlimited supercharging perk in January of '17 (or roughly around that time). My car came down the line in November of '16 so it's one of very few Ses that has both these features. The first time I took it into the Service Center I was told by a technician (who does not drive a Tesla as his personal vehicle) that this particular run of Ses was one of the best batch he'd ever seen. Oh boy let's see how great this batch is.

Heated steering wheel

The first thing that went wrong with the car was actually broken from the time I bought it, but I didn't notice for a few months because it was the heated steering wheel. Winter '19/'20 set in and I realized the steering wheel wasn't warming up. I took it in for warranty repair and they found it was simply unplugged, this was free.

Trunk latch

In the summer of 2020, amid the COVID lockdowns, one day the trunk failed to latch and was stuck open. I tried pulling the emergency release but that did nothing. I scheduled a mobile appointment (which I will give Tesla credit for, very few car companies make housecalls), and the technician was also unable to get the trunk to latch. So I scheduled a service center appointment and had to drive with the trunk open for a couple weeks, this made an annoying beeping noise and prevented me from using ANY cruise control, let alone "Autopilot" (or "Full-Self Driving", I actually got grandfathered into the offer to upgrade from EAP to FSD for $3000 so I pulled the trigger on that, I have not requested the FSD Beta because it looks like a death machine to me).
Amazingly during my drive to the service center the trunk magically fixed itself. I wasn't about to turn around and go home since I figured the part could still be faulty, so I asked them to look at it anyway. Since they didn't see anything wrong they charged me over $500 to replace the components. This was my first repair bill.

First collision repair

A couple months later I was rear-ended by a teenager and she did a bunch of damage to the back of the car, this was one of my most seamless issues with the car, I took it to a local collision repair shop and they had it back to me within 3 days, all of these costs were paid by insurance.

MCU2 Upgrade

At some point I took the car in for them to replace the MCU (the 17" touchscreen) with the newer one so I could get Netflix and YouTube on my center screen. This was an optional service center visit, though the original MCU was REALLY starting to chug on newer Tesla software. The replacement cost $1600 and they did not put in a new AM/FM radio (that would have been an additional $500 and I don't listen to the radio much anyway). I was actually kind of happy that I could have the option to upgrade this tech, but if MCU2 winds up being as sluggish as MCU1 was when it was just 4-5 years old this seems like an extra non-optional cost.

12V Battery Replacement

In the summer of 2021 I got the error "12V BATTERY LOW SCHEDULE SERVICE NOW". That seemed really urgent, so I went on YouTube and searched for this error and found out that James May got the same issue. TL;DW the 12V system is powered primarily by a DC-to-DC converter from the main battery, but when the main battery disconnects there's a small 12V (like one you'd use in a motorcycle) that is needed to power on the actuators that connect the main battery. If the 12V goes flat the car is bricked and, because the 12V is under the frunk and the frunk is electronically actuated, the only way to get to the 12V to trickle charge it is to partially dismantle the car.
In fact, I was lucky to get a warning at all some Teslas have had this happen with no warning and in fact it was a software update that even added the warning. And in fact a lot of early Teslas failed within a year because for some reason they charge and discharge the 12V like mad. I hope they've improved this since this blog post, but anyway this is a serious design defect.
Tesla did the right thing here and got me into service the next day AND I got the car back within 90 minutes. This is the fastest turnaround time I've ever seen from them, however I'm fairly certain that if my car was no longer under warranty (meaning they would not be responsible for paying to tow it to the service center) I would not have gotten such white glove treatment.

Suspension issue

In 2022 I read the book Ludicrous: The Unvarnished Story of Tesla Motors by Ed Niedermeyer. From this book I learned about whompy wheels and learned a rumor that many Teslas were built with cheap aluminum suspensions that tend to fail. China forced Tesla to do a recall on cars built in the US and exported to China.
I frantically drove to my local tire shop and asked them to look at the suspension, they reported that it looked to be in good condition but that there was a leak in the hydraulic fluid that Tesla should repair under warranty. I took the car to Tesla and they had it for SIX DAYS during which I had to rely on their Uber vouchers (Tesla only recently started doing loaners in my area, it might be because I live in a very obscure remote place called New York City /s). They reported to me that nothing was wrong with the suspension and returned the car, completely filthy since they'd left it parked under a tree.

Windshield replacement

In late 2022 I decided to save some money by replacing my wiper blades myself. While the blade arms were out one of the springs came loose and smashed into the windshield. It took me about a week to get the wiper back on, I tried every tool in my toolbox and eventually just took it to the tire shop where they put in a vice and got it to reconnect. They did this for free. Over the winter of '22/'23 however the damage to the windshield escalated into a crack. This is mostly my own stupid fault, I probably could have prevented this crack from growing with a cheapo Amazon glass repair kit, but none of the other cars I've ever driven have had something this nuts happen.
I took the car to a local glass repair shop and the owner told me I needed a full new windshield. He called Tesla to confirm the part number and order it, they did not pick up the phone. I was out of the country for about a month so I left this to pick up when I returned. I just went to SafeLite since I assumed they had more staff to pester Tesla to send them the windshield. Dropped off my car, they called me and said they had to wait a couple weeks for the windshield to ship. About a week later I dropped off the car AGAIN and they replaced the windshield.
This cost me another $500 out of pocket and the rest (about $700) was covered by insurance.

Door replacement collision repair

On March 7th 2023 a kid jumped a stop sign and crashed into my driver's side door, he put a huge dent in it and the door handle got stuck in the presenting position. Because he was not the policyholder* his insurance could not establish that he had permission to drive the vehicle and said they would not pay for the repair, so I again had to go through my insurance meaning I couldn't get a loaner.
It took Tesla TWO WEEKS to ship a new door to the only local Tesla-certified collision repair center in my area (this was about a 30 minute drive and I had to Uber both ways since there was no nearby public transit). When I got the car back there was an obnoxious amount of wind noise, I found they had misaligned the new window with the weather stripping. I brought the car back to them and they tooled around enough to get the wind noise down to a lower level, but it is still not gone. I did find I could jam some paper into the weather stripping and shim it up to prevent a little bit of noise.
This was a $500 out of pocket cost (which I may get back through insurance arbitration) and the cost to the insurance was a whopping $4700!

The HVAC filter, radars, and AC

Now we come to the straw that broke the camel's back. I noticed in the manual recently that my car is due for a replacement of the HVAC filter. They're fairly cheap on Amazon, so I figured I'd try doing it myself again. My wife talked me out of this due to what happened with the wiper blades. Additionally the HVAC system has a desicant bag that needs to be replaced periodically (like one of those sillica gel packets), and that requires a special machine.
So I scheduled a service center visit, they informed me my car was also eligible for a free upgrade to the autopilot cameras. I dropped off the car and for the first time in FOUR YEARS they gave me a loaner, a lease-return Model Y that presumably they couldn't find a buyer for (this car was a complete shitbox but that's a whole other story).
They said they would take FIVE DAYS to do this quick 30 minute job of replacing the HVAC filters. I also tried phoning them to ask if they could take a look at the wind noise from the previous repair, there was a message on the phone that told me I need to do all communication with them through the app. I messaged in the app, they did not respond.
Amazingly I got the car back after just FOUR days, but I was informed they did not look at the wind noise because it wasn't on the original list of things, and I would need to book ANOTHER appointment and wait ANOTHER two weeks for that. Replacing a $30 HVAC filter and a dessicant bag cost me a whopping $460!
After I got the car back, however, I realized that they did not merely "upgrade" the Autopilot cameras. They removed the Autopilot radar. I know they did it because now my follow distance bottoms out at 2 and I now have an 85mi/hr Autosteer speed limit. By the way, unlike the 3 and Y the Autopilot follow distance control in the S is a physical click-knob. So I can click it to 7,6,5,4,3,2 and 2. Like they replaced the bottom position with a second "2".
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!
The HVAC is now blowing hot air. Every time I turn on the AC the car blasts me in the face with hot air and the compressor goes nuts. I assume this means the coolant is low (since it seems to have some ability to cool but is struggling a LOT).
So that's the end of our story. That's everything that's happened to this car so far. And where are we now? I have an appointment with service to fix the remaining problems and YESTERDAY I bought a 2020 Toyota Tacoma which GET THIS has a radar adaptive cruise control! No fancy "Autopilot" or "Autosteer", but it has lane departure warning which is enough to keep me awake on a long nighttime drive.
The biggest open secret about "Autopilot" and "FSD" is that they're mostly off-the-shelf components. Rather than building a self-driving car what Tesla actually did was take standard driver-assistance cruise control features and mash them together pretending they're something magical.
*This was a frankly ridiculous claim on the part of his insurance since his mother was the policyholder and the police report documents that she was sitting in the passenger's seat at the time of the collision. So I guess their position is that she was in the process of being kidnapped.
If you ever get into a crash like this make sure to take out your phone, take a video, and say "Do you have his/her permission to drive this vehicle?" If they say no just turn to the police and say it's a stolen vehicle and it needs to be impounded.

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All Chapters First Chapter of Alien-Nation Previous Chapter
Chapter summary: Vaughn liberates a bunch of people. Elias can't sleep and makes some decisions and receives a weird offer.
Chapter Art- Vaughn's Mask, a World War One Tanker Splatter Mask

Alien-Nation Chapter 169: Jailbreak

A Leslie's Pool Supplies retail outlet made for a strange rally point for any group of people, even moreso now that the whole strip mall along what had been Concord Pike had long since closed. The stainless letters spelled the forgotten name of the shopping center, still proudly adorned the top of the diagram of blank signs ensured at least the brick obelisk was a conveniently obvious marker for the men to find and make preparations for assaulting the jail.
'Morningstar' squadron had swelled their cell's numbers to well over twenty by absorbing the miscellaneous fragments of other cells, whose skills were more generalized. The name carried over to the newly formed Strike Force by virtue of being both the largest and the lynchpin of the operation's success.
This was the largest force of the three organized groups they'd split into, each aiming to try and hit the larger jails along Route 202, the other two branches making a target list of their own. Vendetta had given them an extra half hour to at least get themselves close to in-position, but with only one shortwave had no way of knowing if they would coordinate their strike. He was a known element to everyone even if only by name. At least Elias's words stayed true; All seemed very familiar and well-practiced with their carried weaponry. More importantly, none contested his assigned leadership or questioned his orders.
Vaughn cradled the RPG he'd been given, eyeing the well-lit building just over the carefully landscaped hill. The last had been over a half hour ago. The box-mart across the old highway was the temporary headquarters of the repositioned Troop One, after the suburbs near Camp Death had been cleared, likely soon to be repositioned again. But the size of the old box-mart seemed to indicate several things, that it was largely indefensible, could contain a fair few prisoners, and by its proximity to Camp Death, could be useful to strike regardless.
The flow of traffic was unusually heavy for being well before the crack of dawn. Perhaps people were trying their luck getting up old 202 to try and reach the border that way, after having no luck along other closed border checkpoints. There was a feeling of self-consciousness in carrying heavy weapons out in the open along a suburban highway most had driven along during peacetime, the juxtaposition of old familiar environment and newly familiar activity showing just how much their lives had changed. Moreso as cars rolled along it like it was a Friday night of olde, the two lives- old and new, bumping shoulders for a moment.
"You ready?" He asked, snapping them back to the present.
Mutters of assent was good enough. Haltingly, everyone in the mishmashed strike team moved toward the precinct's bright lights, taking advantage of the long shadows and occasional noise of the passing cars.
It was an unassuming building, the repurposed garrison made out of some retail outlet built back in the turbulent seventies, all brick and little else but tiny glass doors, with not even windows for the occupants to know the impending violence had been approaching. What era will this be known as? Early Imperial? Resistance? Revolutionary? Wondered the teen, as he leveled it at the lobby. Good? Bad? Hell, I'm just the man with the gun.
Everyone levelled their weapons as once, and Vaughn held a hand high. "We're here to liberate the prison, not blow it sky high," he chuckled. It was hardly armored or reinforced- or at least, so it seemed to him. And if it was, then the Data Center had shown the virtue of striking the same spot with concentrated fire beat showering it with dispersed impacts.
At least the glass door looked normal enough. "Bump and grind, forward. Forward!" He hissed. "Aim at that- there- the front door." Easy enough for the homemade launcher to hit, and these were arguably of the lowest utility if things went sideways. Elias had taught him asset management well- it was a waste to throw your best equipment at a stationary target. While the design was tried-and-tested, Vaughn still took a few steps away.
The improvised launcher let out a metallic clunk, and with a surprisingly subdued noise and recoil the projectile was sent tumbling freely, end over end, the cap blown clean off the improvised launcher. A second later, the giant projectile more than made up for it as the round smashed through the glass door, taking the automatic door slightly off the rails and bowing slightly inward- before then blowing both them and a hail of glass fragments outward as the detonation went off inside the main lobby.
Someone in a security forces uniform staggered out.
"Infantrymen, Fire!" Vaughn roared to the infantrymen, most of Morningstar dutifully restraining themselves as a hail of bullets sprayed into the storefront and even stitched up the exterior brickwork. Clearly, some insurgents were better trained than others judging by the tracer rounds and slowly tapering off rounds.
"Advance and reload! Morningstar, spread out and cover!"
The smoke and dust was subdued, at least for now, and left them with a surprisingly clear view into the front entrance. Red streaks were painted up on the wall, black and grey of smoke-dusted debris mixed in like a spin-art collage.
The lobby's contents were an absolute shambles- everything set on a ledge had been knocked about, including the ledges and desks themselves. The security forces inside responded by charging out the main doors to follow just a second later.
A hail of gunfire met them, most of the armored troopers flinching reflexively, their armor plates overlapping and protecting their wearer. A few reflexively tried returning fire despite the harsh stings of rounds tugging on the mix of fabric, bulletproof weave, and shattering off the neosteel plate they wore. The gunfire never let up on those unfortunate few who had charged out from their cover, the complete lack of coordination, dissimilar reloading times from infantry with unequal amounts of time spent with their weapons. Effective equipment and enthusiasm was undercut by poor training, surprise, and total lack of a plan to counter being outnumbered. Morningstar, on the other hand, had the numbers, the angle, and the element of surprise.
One by one the Security Forces lay flat. Either they were dead, had the fight knocked out of them, or were trying to present as minimal target as they could while they lined up their own rifles to return fire. It was hard to say for certain what the intent was, but the outcome was little different. Round after round continued pouring into them from dozens of unevenly sized magazines, an RPG or two sending the bodies of any who tried opening fire tumbling, their limbs likely held on by the durable material underneath. When they landed, their bodies folded like misshapen laundry, pressed into unnatural shapes with the wearer still inside.
The whole front engagement was over in less than a minute. A pale, non-gauntleted hand waved frantically from behind a shattered brick front, red streaking down the fingers.
"Hold!" Vaughn shouted. "Identify!" The hand continued waving, and Vaughn shoved an unwitting volunteer forward to pull the man out from behind, to reveal a man in a stained tee shirt with a dazed expression and blood dripping from a series of scratches on his cheeks, cut in like a cat's claws had raked over them.
"Civilian!" Vaughn bellowed over his ringing ears. "Any others inside?"
The man shook his head and mouthed 'no,' his voice seemingly too hoarse- perhaps from having spent an untold amount of time screaming.
The man was wrong- there were, or at least 'had been' more security forces inside. A sudden blast and the tinkering of shrapnel caused Vaughn to duck, then charge forward, his improvised explosive launcher discarded, swinging his shotgun around from his back to rest in his hands. A Technical had tried to leave via a service bay exit, apparently not even managing to round the corner before an RPG wielded by a Morningstar veteran had upended the uparmored pickup as it pulled out.
A survivor crawled from the wreckage, and Vaughn sprinted forward, pressing the barrel against the shivering man's temple as he raised his empty hands. The wet splatter kicked high, and Vendetta checked for any other survivors, the smoking tip of his shotgun wafting grey in the fluorescent tubes of the old retail outlet.
The technicals were indeed tough, he noted, but the round seemed to have flown into a wheel well, bypassing the plating. No one else inside seemed to be moving- yet still, he made certain. There'd be no theatrics of announcing himself to an enemy who played dead by standing in the open and giving orders, letting them try and exact some measure of revenge, or gasping out some warning to the shil'vati. No, a strike was to be calculated, and that calculation was to be total.
Two minutes later and a clear picture of the aftermath had emerged. Over five hundred prisoners rescued from the cells, cramped together like sardines, hastily erected concrete laid in a grid backstopping a prefab prison. PVC pipes ran from room to room for toilets no less roughshod in their construction, set straight into the dirty linoleum. Quite a few of the prisoners were deafened somewhat. The skeleton crew of Security Forces personnel hadn't stood a chance- supposedly, most were out, working from some kind of list, or perhaps had finished their shift after a long day of throwing people into prison.
Vaughn gestured with the shotgun. "There's your exit, people. If you're still undecided about the Shil'vati, then this was your wake-up call. If you're still undecided about us, then I'm not sure what to tell you. We just risked our lives to save yours. You want to pay it back? You can either pay it forward by helping us with the next prison, or you can help the Emperor of Mankind. Blankets, food, water, soldiers, guns, ammo, whatever you've got that you think might help. He hasn't said it, but I reckon you all owe him, if you've got a decent bone in your body, you'll at least bring him something, offer to try and help. If you want, you can listen in on the radio for instructions, and if you haven't got a shortwave, I'll separate off a few from our strike squad who can fill you in and get you there, if you feel like chipping in on the war effort."
Vaughn lowered the shotgun, taking a shell off his bandoleer and loading it in to replace the one he'd fired.
"That went well," Parker remarked. "And not a bad speech. Short, to the point, and all that. Honestly, I wish I'd brought a whole crew. One for the close-up on that impact. But, uh, that execution..."
"Completely necessary," Vaughn snapped, irritatedly. "That guy was fatally wounded. Putting him out of his misery was an act of mercy. And you'll remember to narrate that, if you got that on film."
"Of course." Parker didn't deny where he'd been aiming the camera- saving Vaughn at least the headache of reviewing the footage, and then having to kill Parker, if it turned out he'd been lying.
"I'm starting to think of these jail cells as something more like a pinata full of prizes. Namely, insurgents and good PR," he muttered. Truth be told, he'd wanted more of a fight. Vaughn pulled the radio from his pocket, and sent out the broadcast. "Done here. 202 North has been cleared. About four fifty good to go in some sense of the word, though where's anyone's guess. Tried sending them your way, don't know if they'll take it. Another fifty will need medical treatment. No casualties on our end. Surprise was total. We've got pictures. No enemies taken prisoner."
Vendetta stared around the lobby, an idea slowly dawning on him.
"Hey! Hey hey hey! Snag armor off any of the ones that you can. Grab any goods that are stocked up, and arm up anyone who says they're headed to Camp Death with the weapons the guys had here. Come on, we can't stay too long here. You-" he pointed at a man who had held down the trigger on his rifle, spraying the building at full auto. "-You're fucking useless at fighting. Gather up the ones who are able and willing to fight, get them packed into a civilian-style police cruiser, and drive them on over to Camp Death. Everyone, help him load up. Get everything you can out of the Evidence lockers into the trunks- they can fit a lot, trust me, I'd know. Camp Death's going to need goodies. Come on, move, people, move!"
Morningstar Squadron had re-mustered on Vendetta.
"Alright, now what?" They almost seemed eager for more.
A smile crept across Vendetta's face, invisible to all as he pointed at the row of vehicle keys.
"I think it's time we hit 141 and a couple more," he muttered, pulling it off the hook. "Now...wheelman, shotgun, or turret?"

"Accidentally Cut Content"

[Author's Note: Hey Everyone. I made a really dumb mistake and included part of the next chapter in the previous one's end in my rush to get it out the door. So the first couple paragraphs will be a repeat, but this IS a new chapter. I even updated those first four or five paragraphs slightly.]
I couldn't sleep well on the cot that night. Though I noticed hours ticked by, every moment seemed to be spent tossing and turning. I even tried resting with the mask off, held in my hands, but the risk to my identity being discovered if anyone barged in caused me enough stress to worsen the situation. Eventually, I gave up, kicked the covers off and donned the mask again, making my rounds around the camp, trying to calm myself down by taking a midnight stroll. Instead, I felt eyes countless following me, and I had to force myself to stand tall for them. For the thousandth time, I thought of this as my Valley Forge.
As I patrolled, I could hear whispered prayers, muttered plans of action, and mercifully, snores. At least some were getting some sleep. I could see orange lights reflecting off the clouds from where I knew Wilmington lay. It seemed Vaughn was keeping busy, if indeed it was his handiwork.
A few shipment inspections and a routine update from a sentry later, and I felt caught up to speed. I noticed Radio from the corner of my eye, seemingly also unable to sleep.
I almost jumped a foot in the air when I felt the tap on my shoulder, only to find G-Man's mask staring into mine. How strange that such a haunting visage was a comfort to me.
"Hey. Can't sleep?" He sounded surprisingly serene. Or maybe it was just tired resignation. His hands seemed stuck in a familiar claw-like shape after holding the soldering iron for so long, and my fingers ached in sympathy. My mask's filters took much of the scent of smoke I could smell from the distant fires, but I was sure that if I wasn't wearing my mask that G-Man would smell faintly of molten silver solder. I'd wondered how we'd repaired and updated so many railguns so quickly. Now I knew what he'd put himself through.
"I can't," I confessed. "G-Man, I'm sorry what happened with your father. Hell of a birthday." I hadn't even had a chance to give him the present I'd bought him- a couple new filters, and vintage craftsman toolkit, 'from before they sold out,' as Verns had phrased it. The memory of his voice already felt distant, somehow.
"Wasn't your fault. Even if Town Hall wasn't your big idea to get them to retaliate, you know? Then they'd still have done something. But, uh, thanks for saying that. And thanks for trying to get dad out. I'll remember that." George said quietly, then the conversation ended when he turned away and went to the edge of the embankment. Just like that.
I could never quite get a read on him, but I wanted to respect his distance. Whatever he was feeling, he seemed to want to feel it alone, and to keep his own counsel on the matter.
I continued course toward Radio.
"Any word from Miskatonic?" I asked hopefully.
Radio offered a noncommittal shrug, then dropped it in a hurry, raising one hand to massage his chest. "They say 'this is your war,' but did ship us a small container."
"I saw."
I hadn't exactly expected them to line up alongside us in the trenches in their white coats, but I'd hoped they'd have had some kind of wonder drug or noxious gas we might deploy. Something toxic to the Shil'vati but not us. The best they'd given us so far were experimental bullets and toxic-tipped arrows and knives, the former of which supposedly could potentially the armor, if fired with enough force and impacted with a good angle. If true, then I supposed they might be moderately useful in an ambush, and they had helpfully included a pair of compound bows. I had conducted a pretty decent survey of the defense, but I hadn't thought to ask if any were experienced archers. I also couldn't imagine taking someone off a railgun, large caliber rifle, or even an old cannon to hand them a bow and arrow without feeling like I was somehow offering them an insult without equipping it myself, and there was better I could think to do with the remaining minutes before the Shil'vati would inevitably come looking than to practice.
They'd fallen out of favor for a reason, and it wasn't that the earliest guns outperformed bows.
They had also supplied a small cache of rifles that were more likely to pulverize than penetrate unless the armor had been compromised already. These were still appreciated, but hardly the game changer I wanted in return for all we'd sent them.
Then Radio leaned in, voice kept conspiratorially low. "They did, however, mention an exfiltration for you."
Sam had been right, I wouldn't get back anything close to the value of what I'd sent out. At least, not unless I was willing to abandon everything and everyone, to cut and run for my life. Such a decision would be the inglorious end of the revolution, spelling doom for everyone in it, and all of humanity's culture. I'd forever be remembered as a coward, if I was so lucky to be remembered at all.
"Well, I'm not going."
"Okay, but here's a real head-scratcher. Did you show them where Camp Death is? I've been careful not to broadcast our coordinates, and my little helpers haven't been talking with Miskatonic. And the person on the shortwave mentioned that the border would free up tomorrow morning, then mentioned the interstate right up against the back of our base as a meeting point. They said Last Exit Before Pennsylvania. That's right there." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "And I didn't mention broadcasting without a cat's paw or relay. I mean there's a chance they triangulated, but throwing together a plan that fast? Nah, man, they knew."
I searched my memory. "I'm certain that I didn't mention it to them...did Hex? She did that internship. No, wait, she got picked up and dropped off at Warehouse Base. Unless she mentioned something on the drive past? She said they were somewhere North." Now that Radio had mentioned it, I was left with a bit of a puzzle. How did they know? How much did they know about us?
"They had to have known somehow. And if they didn't know before and just figured our location out, then I bet you it's not long before the Shil'vati figure it out themselves and come sniffing," Radio resignedly threw a hand up. "Should we update the signal? Start directing people straight here?"
We had numbers, yes, but we could still do to take more in, especially if the fighting dragged on or casualties mounted higher than I projected. "How long until they're sure we're here?"
Radio yawned under his mask, the animated glass-plated mask he wore misinterpreting it with an ASCII shocked ":O" face. "We've been broadcasting all night, so, who knows?"
"Well, if it was just a signal they picked up on any random given day, how long would it typically take for the Shil'vati to muster a response?"
"Depends on the day." At my silent stare, he objected further. "They sometimes respond pretty fast to that sort of thing, but these aren't normal times, E. They used to come to check out wherever I broadcast from within an hour or two or two, but remember, they've kind of got their hands full right now thanks to Vendetta's jailbreaks. Plus, there's so many more signals." He checked the screen of his shortwave and chuckled, then lightly massaged his chest again. "I'm sure we've already gone way past."
"Alright. If we see anyone snooping around us, add our location to the broadcast. That way, anyone in the resistance or is sympathetic but isn't sure where Camp Death is can find their way here. In the meantime, though, I still think we're best not leaking it. At least with the sentries having set in the final claymores and outer defenses, we should be well-situated to ward off anything they throw at us."
"Maybe. Maybe not," George said from behind me, and I froze.
"Why not?"
He'd helped build this place. He'd know any weaknesses as well as his father.
"They might have cloaking tech, or some other means of infiltration," his voice was a dry rasp.
I shuddered thinking about it. "That's a good point," I muttered. "Assassination and recovery might be up their alley...except, I think they're terrified of what losing me might mean for their hostages."
"I'll be honest. I don't think she cares at this point," G-Man countered. I couldn't fault his gloomy disposition. I could just hope that he didn't want something bad to happen to us, to balance out that something bad had happened to him, from some weird sense of fairness.
"Yeah?"
"Think about it for a second. What happens if you die? Then what does that let her do if that happens?"
It was with a startle I realized he had a good point. Azraea had committed to a shocking all-in, something that would shake the political landscape and memories of countless denizens of the state. Months of carefully planned schemes involving carefully planned defensive patrols meant to reinforce one another, frustrate, and hinder our operations had culminated in us adapting, learning. We thought we had her beaten, especially when we destroyed her monitoring, data collection, and reporting asset in Something Else Square. Then she'd pulled something like this out of a hat, catching us totally flat-footed, rounding up who-knew how many of us before we could muster. What other assumptions had I made that were incorrect? Would she hold fire, if she knew where I was if it meant sparing the hostages? Or were they now just an 'acceptable, if regrettable' loss? When your opponent becomes unpredictable, issues arise, especially when you're counting on them to do certain things.
If it was, then I'd just done her work for her, and all of us would be dead the moment she figured out where we were, and at least the end would come faster than I knew it had arrived.
I realized I was staring up into the orange-lit cloudy night sky. I could voice none of this, not without undermining morale and potentially sparking a panic.
"If she was going to start bombarding the state, she'd have started already by now," I chuckled. "The borders are sealed, right? Why wait? Why bother trying to build some sense of dread? She's not a vampire who feeds on fear. I choose to not be afraid of what she may do. I instead intend to plan around it, to the extent that we can. Besides, if I die, what would the twins do to the hostages?"
George made a disappointed growl, his sore hands turning from awkward claws into shaking fists. "That may be the point. If the Twins do anything to the hostages in retaliation for your death, then maybe as long as she didn't pull the trigger, she thinks she'll be absolved of whatever damage their deaths mean to them."
I wasn't sure she thought that way. Heck, after months, the woman was still an absolute enigma to me. Governess Bal'shir, I understood- the flurry of speeches and photo-ops and handshakes at civic meetings with 'literally-who's-that' of 'what-community' had been carte blanche for us to grow. Ministriva was a lying snake, and once we pieced that together, I ripped her apart. But Azraea? What drove the Fleet Admiral to come down here? Duty. There wasn't any sort of hard policy she followed that I could tell, not that I knew Shil'vati military doctrine well, being an outsider such as I was. Perhaps it was the greater liberty afforded her of being both Governess and General that made it seem like her plans shifted and changed in ways that made it hard for me to keep up. Or maybe she was just at such a rank and in such a position of power to where she could make her judgment calls. If so, that begged the question: What was 'the line' for her? I had a feeling I'd somehow crossed it already. Probably Radio's tape of me fucking the Empress, if I was to be honest. Most unfair to be judged for something that hadn't been my decision, though I doubted an apology from either of us would amount to much.
I looked over to my Lieutenants. They'd helped carry me this far. I'd be foolish to ignore them now. What could I do to at least mitigate the risk that he was right, and there was someone looking to kill me, right here and now?
"Alright, fine, you've convinced me. Instruct the sentries to get the next dozen people who we intake to help patrol the inner perimeter, and to keep a watch for...well, I mean, a stealthy seven foot tall purple alien with giant tits?"
"Something invisible," George supplied.
"Alright, for anything shifting in the tall grasses that they can't immediately see- I can't really ask them to keep an eye out for something they can't see, can I?" I was suddenly too tired to think properly.
"I'll explain it," G-Man offered.
"And I'll get the sentries ready to take over the radio, explaining how it works, then I'll try heading to bed, too," Radio offered, and I realized that a yawn sounded very strange through a voice modulator- his ASCII helmet seemed to fritz out again for a second.
"I should change my sleeping quarters, too," I muttered. "They'll almost certainly check the command cabin for me, if they manage to enter. I'll pick a tunnel- uh...somewhere."
"Might be smart. Could be they'll try and take out the explosives shed, too. Make it look like an accident on our part, get rid of any hostages, and then get a free pass to exact vengeance on the state. Got anywhere in mind?"
I thought to myself. Where might be a good resting area? There were many tunnels that led to bunkers, firing outposts, and even to stowage areas. Any one of them might do in theory, but I knew of one that overlooked one of the two streams that ran along the side of Camp Death. I didn't want to situate myself either too low to where I was on the very front of the lines- why make an assassin's job even easier by putting myself on the perimeter, after all? But the creek should make a pleasant bit of white noise- and also get me away from the center shed. "Probably facing North, along Perkins run. G-Man, you look absolutely dead on your feet. Get some rest if you can, you've certainly done enough and gone through enough for today."
"There's...still things to do."
"There always will be. If the others are finished doing their repairs, lock the shed," I muttered. "I know the hostages are in there, so post a sentry or two there, too, to watch over the entrance. You're right that she may try some kind of underhanded tactic." It wouldn't do much if they decided to set charges against the side or something, and the subsequent explosion would be, in a word, 'cataclysmic'. "This was supposed to be a relaxing walk to help me rest..." I scratched at my chin under the mask, feeling the beginnings of the few scratchy hairs that had grown since I'd last shaved, and feeling the cool fresh air without the filter as the wind kicked up.
"Sorry," G-Man offered sheepishly. "I'll go tell 'em."
While he ambled off, I followed Radio back to his pile of equipment.
"Before we split then, one last thing."
"Yeah?" Radio asked.
"Have we recovered Verns?" I asked Radio. "Any word?"
"No, not that I've heard," Radio confessed. "Vendetta's been mostly quiet, I think to hide his heading from anyone who might be listening, but I know that he's struck at least three jails and counting. Some of the ones he's freed are trickling up to us here on foot, and it seems he and Morningstar are acting like a human wrecking ball. The troops are calling it Operation Smash-and-Grab."
"Smash-and-grab," I laughed, thinking of the pun. "I like it. Do we have a more recent headcount?"
"Sam said we've got enough to last about three days of continuous, round-the-clock fighting with the hundreds of people we have here. If we get a resupply run- well, I suppose it would depend upon how big a hole gets blasted in the encirclement. Or, well, something to that effect. Look, man, I'm 'Radio', not 'Telephone,' and I don't have the head for this logistics shit that you two do. You want to talk to Sam, you get the man on the radio yourself, or ask one of the Sentries I'm sticking here to manage the comms. Point being, you try and get hold of him. I'm done for the night."
I could have said something witty back, but it felt counterproductive, and would only delay the sleep I was now well overdue for.
"I've got an idea for an update. The ones Vendetta's letting loose? They can gather supplies and wait for the signal to reinforce, or to agitate, or can organize people into a more focused group, one that can punch through whatever blockade they try and form up. It'll also force the Shil'vati to not concentrate forces on our back door-" I pointed back at the interstate. "Even if they clear them out, the opportunity for us to encircle and destroy and then break out is too high for them to really try to do a mass deployment along our back." Sam was, I knew, something of a career criminal. Able to rub elbows with the worst elements of humanity. He was a facilitator, I knew, not really a leader. "Can you tell him-"
Radio was already fiddling with the dial. "Already on it," he muttered. "Lotta profit in looting, should be easy for him to steer people with that, or something. Get some sleep, E."
I went up to a sentry, requisitioned a sleeping bag someone had helpfully brought, went into a trench and told him where I'd be if I was needed. I waved to Radio, and crawled into the gunnery tunnel, almost stepping on another four people already laying in it. I loosened my laces, clutched my sheathed knife, and fell into a fitful sleep.
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