Does it makes sense to power pump just one side?
I am 1 week pp and my milk has been SO slow to come in, not feeling any heaviness/fullness yet. I have been feeding on demand since birth, which was did involve some blood loss in my part(1.5L) which maybe is to blame for my supply. We got good skin to skin after birth.
I was getting concerned with my production because baby was not producing a poop within 24 hours, and getting wet diapers like 3-4 times a day. Baby also lost ~9% body weight after birth.
I’m meeting with a lactation consultant who seems to think that I’m doing all the right things.
I want to power pump more to help with supply but I don’t want to pump both breasts because I’m afraid baby will want to feed during that time. Does power pumping one breast make sense in this case?
Any other tips would be very appreciated!

My now-ex and I had been dating since October 2018. It’s had its ups and downs. He’s got a skin condition that’s made life hard on him and throughout our time dating it got worse, and at this end it’s getting better.
I have moved a few times for a few jobs, he’s stayed at the same place in his house with his mum.
We didn’t argue, we see roughly eye to eye on most things. He’s there for me, and I’m there for him. There’s nothing outwardly wrong.
I have had issues with things. Sex, moving in and feeling like I’m just following. The sex was a problem. I brought up that when we did it, often my pleasure wasn’t important. A lot of the time his skin was impacting things and I would hurt him.
I didn’t really mention his weight, as I feel like that would make his self esteem lower. I have a high sex drive I’ll admit, but the routine rejection was upsetting a lot. For example the last time I saw him I tried to put the moves on, subtly, and he just decided to leave and go home.
I am tired of being a weekend partner, it’s been years of me being alone during the week, driving to see him, then often doing not too much then driving back. Like a constant holiday, I don’t have any clothes at his or anything. He doesn’t have anything at mine. I say I want to live with him. He agrees but it hasn’t changed.
Because of living with his mum he has his dishes taken care of, his clothes ironed, he complains about the house and it being full of stuff but both him and his mum have so much. I feel like perhaps there would be a lot put on me, and a stressful time with moving in. But I was gonna deal with it. I just wanted to move in, have company, have my weekends and spare time back instead of feeling like I had to split my time.
I feel like I have lost my ability to be independent. I feel like I don’t know if I’m with him because it’s safe and comfortable. I have been making decisions that keeps me from doing things I want to do. There’s this itchy sensation that makes me uncomfortable.
Like he won’t fit in with my lifestyle. I like being fit, and going out on walks. When I come back from a day where he is in my house and he’s not taken the dogs out, and he’s made a mess I’m going tidy up it makes me feel itchy. Slightly annoyed.
I don’t know, because it’s not bad. Like there’s been a whole relationship that’s gone on and there’s been ups and downs. I just… don’t d know if it’s the absolute best fit. I don’t know if I can go forever with no flirting, or when it comes it’s something crude like “can’t wait to stick my dick in you”
Or keep going being alone every day. Realistically it would be a long while before we live together. I can’t move in with him as there’s no space, he can’t move in with me- he has a couple days in the office and he’s got his own stuff to do. He wants to build. It will take a long while. He will get stressed. It will come out at me, or his mum…
I feel like I’ve gone mad and destroyed something that would have worked and made me feel happy. But small niggly things, and things like the sex make me thing that I’ll never be happy…
But if it’s just me thinking the grsss is greener as there’s no fence around it… what if I’ve made a terribly hurtful decision. I love him and hate that he’s hurting, but… I don’t know. What have I done?
Tl:dr broke up with my boyfriend due to long term concerns over happiness despite no arguing or terrible “decision point” event. Don’t know if I’m an idiot or not.

I haven’t thought of a name yet for them so I just call them they.
They are a ultima founding chapter who never knew of their primogeniture due to that information becoming lost however after assisting the Storm Giants chapter in a battle against the Dragon Warriors warband after the battle was finally over they found out that they belonged to the Iron Hands chapter.
Chapter Master Saltorion Petrane, Chaplain Falix Hostorsh, and Saltorions two guards Yorane and Cazzeo as well as all of the marines of (insert chapter name) hail from the hive world of Teluxis it is a world known for its harsh weather and cruel native beasts such as the sky spitters and skinner roaches. The chapter has sworn to themselves to guard Teluxis for unknown reasons, they will be showing the enemy no mercy as they crush them with heavy armament, and unwavering brutality.
Things to know about them.
After learning about their primogeniture chapter and meeting them the chapter have became isolationist almost refusing the call to aid any other chapters unless given war gear in return for their help.
They have a large amount of gravis armor, terminator armor, dreadnoughts and tanks form the Storm Giants as thanks for their aid against the Dragon Warriors. However they and the Storm Giants are no longer allies due to chapter disagreement so they have been having to make with what they have as well as trading with the Marines Exemplar and Marines Malevolent.
They are not as trusting of the adeptus mechanicus then most chapters only relying on them when it comes to limb replacement or dreadnought internment. However the chapter is very accepting of techmarines most likely because of them being a battle brother of the chapter as well.
One of there trials to become one with the chapter involves the aspirants having to hunt down a sky spitter. The aspirant does not need to kill one but rather they must either comeback with a piece of a sky spitter skin, talon, teeth, or a cup of the sky spitters saliva.
Currently they are defending Teluxis against a raid from the Iron Warriors warband The Bitter Sons but they do not care for they shall destroy them with every fiber of their being.
Allies. Marines Malevolent: It is unknown as to how the chapter was able to form an alliance with the Marines Malevolent but they are often seen meeting each other at the chapters fortress monastery.
Marines Exemplar: They are suspected mostly because of trading they have been doing with the chapter giving them war gear in return for new aspirants which the Marines Exemplar can use to regain there strength.
Troubled Relations. The Raven Guard: The chapter does not see the point when you can just destroy anything in your path with the aid of an executioner and a bolt rifle, to them sneaking is dishonorable.
Storm Giants: Little is know as to why the chapters had a falling out but most believe it was a difference in ideology.
Mechanicus: The chapter does not like the mechanicus ever since the knowledge of their primogeniture came to light they keep themselves away from the mechanicus only allowing the mechanicus to help with standard tasks barley speaking to them unless needed.
Iron Hands: The chapter does not speak to their primogeniture chapter after the introduction from so long ago.

M56, HW 348 SW 315 CW 231, GW 200-220, not sure yet.
Hi everyone, I’m down 115+ pounds, feeling great, I’ve lost 34% of my body weight and am 4 pounds away from the weight my doctor originally wanted me at. This drug is an amazing tool!
I feel fortunate, for the most part my skin is sagging less than infrared it would after losing over 100 pounds. The one area I am self-conscious about is my inner thighs. That appears to be my problem area. Any advice? Is collagen really helpful? Toning exercises? I’d appreciate any advice, TIA.

“Now this is the Law of the Jungle -- as old and as true as the sky; And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall break it must die. As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk the Law runneth forward and back -- For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” (Rudyard Kipling)
Will the Stark direwolves face off against the Bolton hounds as the white winds blow across the frozen wilds in the Battle of Ice? Towards the leadup to Game of Thrones' Battle of Bastards episode GRRM left this tantalizing glimpse for its showrunners:

[N.B. A note for future reference. A season or two down the line Ramsay’s pack of wolfhounds are going to be sent against the Stark direwolves, so we should build up the dogs as much as possible in this and subsequent episodes.]

And it feels like there's a sense of certainty in the note that clues us to the future of his work, but how could it even work in the books? The march on Winterfell so far is a fair bit different than its show counterpart (assuming that's what it is), and the direwolves are spread all across the map, seemingly content to be where they are. But with Boltons on a collision course with Stannis, and the food running sparse, it sets a short time window for this encounter to manifest, assuming of course, that the Boltons are defeated in the fight. Which perhaps teasingly takes form in a village in the middle of the giant primordial forest called the Wolfswood.

"The wolfswood," Benjen Stark called it, and indeed their nights came alive with the howls of distant packs, and some not so distant. Jon Snow's albino direwolf pricked up his ears at the nightly howling, but never raised his own voice in reply. There was something very unsettling about that animal, Tyrion thought.

Given Stannis' confirmed role in the burning of Shireen, and Dany's HotU vision of the blue eyed king casting no shadow, (as well as the fan favorite Night Lamp theory) it seems like a safe guess he will survive the first bout at least.
Despite the limitations of time and distance several clues surrounding the training of Ramsay's hounds in the books seem to suggest similar buildup:

"He's trained 'em to kill wolves as well," Ben Bones had confided. Reek said nothing. He knew which wolves the girls were meant to kill, but he had no wish to watch the girls fighting over his severed toe.

...

"Stark's little wolflings are dead," said Ramsay, sloshing some more ale into his cup, "and they'll stay dead. Let them show their ugly faces, and my girls will rip those wolves of theirs to pieces. The sooner they turn up, the sooner I kill them again."

and this quote not directly referencing Ramsay's hounds but seemingly related (credit to LChris24's post or I would have missed this one):

The rest of the dogs were close behind, the hounds sniffing and barking, a pair of monstrous mastiffs bringing up the rear. Their size and ferocity might make the difference against a cornered direwolf.

I think there is a solid amount of buildup to the possibility of these two forces coming together, claw and gnashing fang.

The Call of the Wild

“The Wild still lingered in him and the wolf in him merely slept.” (Jack London)
Of the four remaining direwolves in the series though their positions are spread far from Winterfell, so the logistics of having the come together will be important for this to work.
Summer - we last leave Bran's direwolf at the cave of the last greenseer, at the giant weirwood who's roots lead to Westeros' underworld. The drifts have grown so strong that the entrance to the cavern has become snowed over - something Summer must dig through each night to join his pack and hunt while the restless dead wander outside (and living prey remain scarce), before retreating to the cave during the day to to get good-boy head pats from Meera sitting with Bran near the fire. Bran's connection to Summer remains, though his identity seems to be becoming more and more split between his various forms, sometimes as Summer, others as a raven learning to fly or in the roots of the tree traversing time and space. Summer has been able to take control of One Eye's small pack (who is being warged into by Varamyr) after their skirmish and they were even able to take out an undead snow bear together. So what could get Summer moving south? Will Bran read the fates in the tree and send him out? Will something happen to Bran at the tree that sets this event in motion? Summer may not be the largest of the direwolves, though he is often perceived as the smartest and most perceptive.
Shaggydog - Rickon's black direwolf with the eyes of green wildfire is the most savage of the pack, despite his size, and Rickon himself seems to becoming more and more in tune with his wolf each passing day. A strengthening connection Jon seemed to experience as well after reuniting with Ghost leading up to the mutiny. Rickon also seems to have a connection to prophecy similar to Bran, awaiting their father in the Crypts of Winterfell... though unlike Bran he seems to have more a natural comfort in darkness and with death. Shaggydog is in Skagos, last seen in one of Jon's wolf dreams tearing off the flesh of an enormous goat/[unicorn] in a wild rain washing the blood where his prey's horn raked him. In the early drafts of AFFC (thanks to gsteff's research) we actually see that the direwolf was sharing the kill 'with his other half' though that part was removed leaving Rickon's fate more uncertain. How does he get back? That part seems clear at least, Davos is currently en route to try to retrieve the boy and bring him for Wyman Manderly to setup as an heir to Winterfell, though there are plenty of ominous signs on the voyage (the barren seal rock, Davos' missing fingerbones, and per Bran Rickon telling him no will ever come back to Winterfell).
Nymeria - Arya's wolfie is leading a very successful life since she was let go near the Trident to protect her from Cersei's wrath, a spot she hasn't strayed too far from given the abundance of prey compared to the frigid north. Nymeria has gathered an enormous following of wolves that haunts the Riverlands and the Kingsroad. ("She says there's this great pack, hundreds of them, mankillers. The one that leads them is a she-wolf, a bitch from the seventh hell.") Under Nymeria's leadership her grey cousins have "lost all fear of men" ransacking baggage trains, killing armed sentries near Riverrun, and even tearing apart a group of Brave Companions, so that its remarked that they are not wolves at all but "demons in the skins of wolves, sent to chastise us for our sins." Nymeria seems to represent the one part of Arya that she can't shake even as she convinces herself that she is no one, or that she is a cat now wandering Braavos. At night the dreams return tethering her to her roots. In Mercy's Winds excerpt we see a last glimpse of Nymeria, running through dark pine forests hard on the scent of prey, and with a howling in her heart, the full moon overhead as the tree (perhaps Bran or Bloodraven) watches her run. Is she still in the Riverlands (if so will she play a part in the events around Lady Stoneheart) or has she finally started to head home? I'd hate for her to be left out of the reunion as... "When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. "
Ghost - And of course Jon's direwolf, Ghost, his silent white shadow. Ghost is left at Castle Black while the mutiny occurs, and it seems likely, that with Jon's last words they are now together in one form. This would also fit Melisandre vision "Now he was a man, now a wolf, now a man again." Jon has also thought in the past if some part of his brothers remained in their wolves when they died. But Ghost was left locked up in the Lord Commander's Tower to prevent an incident with the skinchanger Borroq or his giant boar who the wolf distrusts. Will the mutineers go after Ghost now that Jon has been slain? If so he may need to fight his way out once they open the doors.... or, perhaps, Melisandre might let him go herself. Ghost and her have a pretty uncanny connection with their blazing red eyes (though Jon thinks the red of Ghost's eyes is more of the Old Gods), and Ghost even hesitates to leave her side to go back to Jon when called ("Warmth calls to warmth, Jon Snow"). According to Melisandre there is power in him and the beast which Jon Snow has been resisting and is yet to use... She also mentions Lord Snow would have need of her beyond the Wall ("He does not know it yet, but soon..."). Very mysterious....
But one thing seems clearer, if Ghost is to head south, he already has good cause to. One of Jon's last convictions before his death was to march south to Winterfell try to save his sister after incited by the pink letter. If his soul has carried over to the wolf perhaps that conviction may still remain....

There may or may not even be one subtle additional hint that Summer and Shaggydog could be in Winterfell soon worth discussing. In the finale chapter of A Clash of Kings Bran has one of the more prominent wolf dreams in the series while hiding in the crypts. In it he sees Winterfell burned and everyone there killled, and we are meant to believe that this was the view of what was happening right outside, as the Bolton forces sacked it. But while what he sees seems to match up, some elements of the dream remain questionable - among them the "great winged snake whose roar was a river of flame." (a pretty reasonable depiction of a dragon that might occur from a wolf's pov). Though the interpretation differs amongst readers - Some believe its just GRRM taking visual liberties with the smoke and fire... though wolves recognized real smoke and fire just before that and wolf povs are fairly unpoetic with their descriptions. Some also think it it may have been a way to describe the red comet, but the figure soon disappears from view which could be strange, unless its just meant to be obscured. Or was it a real dragon? It might have been one of the rumored offspring of Vermax born near the hot springs, sneaking in during the carnage. Osha does mention that they "made noise enough to wake a dragon." But perhaps one other interpretation is that Bran was dreaming green, seeing prophecy instead of present. Because Winterfell has been partially rebuilt by the Boltons and Freys during their occupation, we may see Winterfell burned once more. If Stannis takes the city, he may just start a new fire to wake dragons from stone, one that may escape his control.

The Cry of the Blood Moon

There is one really interesting way I think the direwolves might be finally called together. There's been a lot said about how quiet Ghost throughout the books.... only Jon seems to hear him, perhaps telepathically, calling to him at the beginning when no one else could. But with Jon now inhabiting Ghost, could the direwolf gain his voice at last?

Ghost sat on his haunches watching, silent as ever. Will he howl for me when I'm dead, as Bran's wolf howled when he fell? Jon wondered. Will Shaggydog howl, far off in Winterfell, and Grey Wind and Nymeria, wherever they might be?

Ghost is drawn to the hills and the high places looking up at the stars, and while he starts off the smallest of the litter he soon grows to be the largest of the direwolves, perhaps foreshadowing his strength and leadership. Maybe its fitting then that it would be Ghost that calls them home to be a pack again with the boy's death.

Do they miss their brothers and sisters too? Bran wondered. Are they calling to Grey Wind and Ghost, to Nymeria and Lady's Shade? Do they want them to come home and be a pack together?

And if so would it be a physical blood curdling howl or a telepathic one?

There was ice underfoot, and broken stones just waiting to turn an ankle, and the wind was howling fiercely. It sounds like a wolf, thought Sansa. A ghost wolf, big as mountains.

~Thank you for Reading!~

Previous
Writer's note: My bad about the past few days. A stomach bug and work got in the way. But all's good.
Now learn some tragic backstory, a bit of Earth info, and the status of everyone's favorite omen of misfortune.
Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The King was already conversing with Colonel Muhammed when James finally caught up with him in the command room. He jogged in at a brisk pace, but stopped when he saw the two of them talking on the small tablet in front of the King.
King Farrick cocked an eyebrow as he saw James. James just shrugged while mouthing "I know." and gesturing at his beard. The King shook his head as he looked back down at the tablet.
"We're just glad our people could be of assistance sir." The Colonel said. "Even if it only ended up being during the cool down after everything had already resolved."
"It is greatly appreciated Colonel." The King replied. "Seeing as the dungeon is currently erm... ruined... we'll have to let the last few of your people there out. Though they'll still be restricted in their movements." He added. The Colonel nodded, as if she'd expected as much. "As for the weapons." He continued. "Well," He sighed deeply. "I look forward to the.... paperwork.... regarding its use in necessary situations."
Colonel Muhammed let out a quick snort. "I'll see if I can get em to keep it short and sweet." She said.
The King motioned for James, who walked over. "Captain Choi is back earlier than expected, as I'm sure you know." He said as James got next to him and he turned the tablet so its camera caught James too. "I'll let you have him for a bit."
And just like that James was looking at his commanding officer while sporting a neon pink beard.
"Evening ma'am." He said with his cheesiest smile.
Muhammmed's eyes glazed over as she saw the ridiculous facial hair.
"Do I even want to know?" She asked.
"Nope." James replied honestly. "But I made friends during my trip." Then he shook his hand in a so-so gesture. "Well... one of em might just be an...." Then he rethought his standing with the Vatrian Emperor, Vateris. He also hadn't talked with command about his personal vendetta against the so-called gods. "Look. I didn't end up in prison or dead. And things went mostly well."
And suddenly a very grainy, sand-coated, hand was holding James's. He did what he could not to jump with surprise.
"By the way. Meet Glag!" He said excitedly as he panned the camera down to the rock monster's face. Glag looked at the screen with wide, amazed, eyes. James was surprised to see that Glag looked surprisingly dark, and just a little red. "He's a new companion!"
"What in the hell is that?" The Colonel asked as she peered at the screen on her end.
"Glaaaaag." Glag replied.
"Introductions done." James said. "So, what's the deal with the Zootopia duo?"
------------------------------
"Okay. It was weird at the store." Samantha said as she looked around. "But this is just plain strange."
Around them the restaurant was empty. The bistro Fletcher had brought her to, The Blue Tree, was a ghost town. A few of the staff stood at the greeting booth on the other side of the room. But other than that it was completely deserted. It was so quiet that they could hear the kitchen staff working prep in the back, for what had to be ONLY their food.
"Admittedly I think they took this a bit too far." Fletcher said abashedly as he peeked at the small menu. "This can't be cheap for the hospital, or government or whoever is funding the rehabilitation program."
There was an awkward silence for a few moments as they both tried to think of what to say. Neither of them would admit it, but it had been a while since either of them had dated.
And neither of them had ever dated in THIS particular scenario.
"So... how long have you been a lawyer?" She asked hesitantly.
"Um... about... eight years now?" He said uncertainly as he tried to do math in his head. "Close to nine. How bout you? How long were you in the Army before um.... well. You know."
She nodded. She was getting a lot better about acknowledging what had happened. But it was still a sore spot.
"I was about half way through my second term. So about six years." She answered, even though she was certain he'd probably read that in her file at some point. "Wasn't gonna reenlist again though."
"No plans to make it a career?" He asked.
"No." She said with a shake of her head. "No I intended to get out and get certified as a ration enforcement officer once I was done."
"Ration enforcement?" He said with raised eyebrows. "That's a dangerous job. Even compared to being an MP. Planning on staying near your family?"
She chuckled. "Yeah." She admitted. "My fathers shop is small and usually gets shunted by the bigger ones in the area. Wanted to stick around and keep the queues in order so it didn't happen."
"Ah. Makes sense." He responded as one of the wait staff came over.
A few minutes later, and after Fletcher had ensured that they'd been warned about Samantha's new dietary difficulties, the young woman departed with a smile and promise that their drinks and appetizers would be out in just a few minutes.
"And what got you into law?" She asked once they were alone again.
"My wife." He said, causing her to spit out the small sip of water she'd taken after asking the question. He smiled and there was a pain there. "Don't worry." He said. "I'm not married anymore."
"Divorced?" She asked, trying to figure out what was happening now.
Fletcher's mouth opened for a moment as he tried to think for a second. Did he really wanna have THIS talk on, what was hopefully a first, date. "Widower." He said softly.
And just like that she was thrown off balance again.
"I'-I'm so sorry." She said hastily. "I didn't know."
He held his hands up in warding. "It's fine." He said reassuringly. "It's been.... almost a decade now. I'm... I'm okay."
There was another awkward silence, though this time NOT because neither of them had anything to say.
Fletcher spoke first.
"She was a Paramedic." He said. "She was helping with some humanitarian work overseas and um... She got sick from some of the fallout." He nodded as he took a deep breath. "The organization she worked for was uh.... less than honorable about helping her get cared for afterwords. I started reading up on as many laws and regulations as I could to help her fight for it. But uh.... too little too late." Then he fake-smiled. "But I found out I was good at understanding legal jargon so I uh.... found my calling. I guess. Retooled my college classes and the rest is history."
"That's awful." She said quietly, not knowing what else to say given what she'd just heard.
"It was, yeah." He agreed. "But uh... thanks to that I've been able to help a lot of people who've been screwed by similar situations. So... I don't know. Guess that's something."
She smiled too. "Well you helped me." She said. "Didn't expect the ARMY of all organizations to back down from some legalese."
He pointed out at one of the windows, at the people outside walking about. Across the street a few teenagers were watching as one of them tried to levitate. The kid rose about a foot or so before beginning to wobble and then flipping over and falling on his face. The other two fell out laughing and jeering as he picked himself up.
"Between the two packs that split off and headed north and south, and all the people that have started to have ACTUAL magic powers." He said with a shrug. "I think they just have bigger fish to fry."
"Your appetizers and drinks." The server said, startling both of them.
"Ah." Fletcher said with a genuine smile this time. "I think you're gonna like the crab sliders here. They actually use REAL crab."
Her eyes widened. Real crab was rare nowadays. Then she looked at the server, who was nodding. "They closed this place and you guys serve REAL crab?" She asked.
"Sure do." The server replied with a smile. "We're one of the few restaurants in the city that gets any.
"God you weren't kidding." Samantha said as she turned back to Fletcher. "It must have cost a fortune to close a place like this for a night."
"I told you." He said jokingly with a grin.
She slumped, a little embarrassed at everything that had to have gone into this. She didn't deserve all this.
"So we'd better make the most of it before the hospital's finance department catches on." He said as he raised his glass of wine in a toast. "Again, assuming this isn't government funded. Which... it probably is."
Samantha lifted the large stein of light ale and, as gently as she could, clinked it against his glass.
"Enjoy." The server said as she nodded and stepped back.
And just like that the tone of the conversation lightened, and the rest of dinner was much more enjoyable.
--------------------------
Vickers awoke with a gasp.
Everything hurt.
He'd been beaten up pretty badly before. Had even been way too close to explosions a few times and spent weeks in the hospital recovering afterword to make sure he didn't have any unseen injuries. Then there was the time some turbulence had caused him to botch a wet insertion from a helicopter that had already been almost at the max height for a dive.
Those had all had him SORE for weeks.
This was different.
He felt both hot and cold at the same time. And not just his skin, but his entire body, inside and out, felt like they were infused with IcyHot.
And try as he might, he couldn't see, and everything was muted.
"He's awake." Someone said from outside of him. "Fetch the Archmage and master Farstorm."
"Whe-" He tried to say. But his voice was horse, and cracked as he tried to wheeze out the question. "Where?" He said weakly after struggling to swallow with a mouth that was drier than it had ever been before.
Someone touched him on the chest, and even though the touch was light and delicate he groaned in pain as every nerve in the area screamed.
And even in that excruciating moment, the part of his brain that nobody could ever fully get rid of, no matter how much training they underwent, joked.
So this is what Choi's life is like. It said sarcastically. Running through life like a marshmallow that got dropped in a camp fire every few months. Tough little fucker.
"Calm down Mister Vickers." One of those muted voices, that he thought sounded familiar, said. "We only woke you up so the Archmage could ask a few questions. We'll have you back under in a minute. Let me give you something for the pain."
"Not until the lead healer has okayed it." Another voice said somewhat harshly. "We don't even know how your Earth medicine will affect his body now."
"I do." The first voice replied. "I've used this stuff on were-people before. It works just fine. I just have to up the dosage. And Shrend knows it." The first voice, which he now faintly recognized as Choi's mom, said.
There was a pinch in the middle of a bloom of fire on Vickers' throat as a needle was pressed into one of the veins there.
And suddenly the pain, and everything else for that matter, seemed to drop away.
"Thassss..." He began. "Thasssalot... bedder."
"Shhhh." Mrs. Choi said as he felt, faintly, her touching his head. "I'm gonna take off some of your bandages so you can hear and see." She finished as his hearing cleared. "Plus we need to check your eyes and ears anyways."
A moment later Vickers' eyes opened and he was surrounded by a swirling mix of green and amber light. It was blurry, though he was mostly just happy he had any sight at all.
"Still cloudy." Mrs. Choi said as she pried his eyes open ever so slightly and looked inside. She as about to check his ears when the door opened.
Vickers turned his head with a slowness that was not intentional.
"Chief Vickers." Said the old mage who usually spoke so slowly, and looked so frail. But he didn't look or sound anything of the such at the moment as he pulled up a chair and sat where he could look at Vickers.
"Thaassss....me." He said as his head swam with whatever Mrs. Choi had given him. Probably Ketamine or something.
"I know you're in a lot of pain right now." The old mage said. "But we need to know what you saw. What was on the other side of that door before the Elemental manifested?"

[excerpts from columnist Paul Schroeder's "Does Alien and UFO Disclosure reveal a Human-Hungry God?" 2015).
Many Ufologists are convinced that reptilian aliens, in overhead craft, duped ancient Jews and thus the whole world, about the nature of God. The same reptilian God depicted in ancient Mayan, Indian, Aztec and Chinese carvings, a sharp-fanged, winged saurian, was the self-same “God”, a reptilian Draco Moth-man, from Heavenly UFOs (the skies were called, ‘Heaven’ by ancients).
This diabolical God of the Mayans, who demanded a religion of human sacrifice, that provided its favorite dish, a still-beating human heart, is the same bloodthirsty and ruthless God of the Hebrews who insisted that sacrificial blood be religiously spilled onto all four corners of the altar.Demonologists well know that ritualized killing towards spilled blood, opens the door, a portal to dark force entities. Would an all-loving spiritual being God harshly impose dietary laws, for its harvest of human “food”, and insist upon biblical regular requirements of murder?
The alien corner-stone, of Earth’s civilization, is human sacrifice.
Muscular, winged, sentient, highly technological, upright standing to eight feet tall, scaled reptilian alien beings, with webbing between their claws, yellow/red cat-like eyes, upright saurian ‘monitor lizards’, Mothmen, alien reptilians who looked upon us, as we fancied veal, were the Gods of Nordic and Greek myths and the Old Testament Bible. It was a chilling story I was to hear repeatedly, echoed elsewhere, throughout the UFO and abductee community, not unlike one Rod Serling’s,”Twilight Zone” episode,”To Serve Man”, where our importance as a race in the Universe, to other aliens eyes, is that of a delectable condiment. Like the ‘chosen’ children of Israel, chosen abductees are subjected to harsh tactics and controlling motives, seen not as a sentient race, but like the ancients, as a human crop to harvest.
Ancient prophets, Isaiah, Mohammed, Ezekiel, Moses, Saul (Paul) and Jesus were ‘ascended’ into craft, to later suffer psychological distress, having met “God, or the Devil and His Angels”. Ancient alien abductions recorded in the Old Testament, reflect ontological shock after superior beings with miraculous technology identified themselves as,”God”, worshiped by Hebrews who called the skies above, ‘Heaven’.
In the Garden of Eden tale are clear reptilian fingerprints, alien advanced technological surgery with Adam put to sleep and a ‘rib’ removed for cloning and genetic manipulation to create a human-alien hybrid, the status of modern man and modern woman. It was the Ark of the Covenant, an alien mechanical contrivance, that called out to Samuel, a box that acted as a weapon and as a communication device, that called him and spoke with him and Moses.
Their technology still looks like magic to us, even 5000 years after the Old Testament’s documented encounters with this deceptive and cruel alien pretense of “God”.
Modern abductees report that during their abductions on board craft, they sometimes see this ancient fearsome alien “God”, a reptilian alien race of beings, who radiate rage and hatred, the alien overlord of the many alien races who frequent the crossroads of Earth for salvage, and to abduct humans, saurian beings who command the pilots of our skies’ UFOs.
It is criminally laughable, to us, today, that ancient human cultures throughout the ancient world wrongly mistook highly technological alien beings, who landed in craft, from the skies, as “Gods”, but Mayans, Chinese, Aztec and Israelite societies were clearly, purposefully duped by these beings, told that they were the one, true God of the Universe.
Small greys, the alien beings most people can easily identify, are subservient creatures who do all the heavy lifting towards abductions and medical procedures; they act in unison like robots, and are simply no more than mere work beings, designed, created and labeled, by reptilians as, ‘synthetic work beings’. We, too, are creatures of reptilian design, upright simian creatures who knot neckties and ride public conveyances..
As for me, to my mind, for most people on Earth to live unburdened by an insatiable curiosity to comprehend the mysteries of the motives and tactics of these pilots of UFOs in our sky’s universe, is in itself, quite an amazing thing. Knowing that the aliens reside in a different reality explains why this whole UFO phenomenon is so slippery; we exist within a matrix of other realities all merging in one spot: the mind.”
Aliens and their craft exist.
My expanded consciousness and psychic abilities are mere outcome of my lifetime of contacts with them.
We still foolishly believe that we were ordained to this Earth, by God, but now some of us know that we are someone else’s experiment, considered someone else’s quite valuable ‘property’.
The sad legacy of mankind’s religions’ origins, far from ancient people who were duped by identical creatures, is today, for those few in the governments’ ‘know’, a trade off for alien technology, cheap wampum offered for our destiny and invaluable souls.
Alien technology, recovered from downed discs and other craft, or given outright, has, in America, inspired Skunkworks to give us the ability to reverse engineer alien technology:
lasers,fiber optics, nuclear power, cold fusion anti gravity, (using mercury )microwaves, ultrasound weapons, stealth technology, nanotechnology, transistorsweather control, microchips, time travel, mind-control technology, specialized surgical tools, cloning-genetic engineering and psycho-electronic.
Most recently, governments scramble to deduce ‘smart skins’ of craft which like chameleons, alter shape and color according to environments, as an alien craft becomes brown against a bare mountain, and then blue, against the sky.
All of these magical technologies, successfully studied, reverse engineered and imitated, are a puerile substitute for equanimity between our species.
We have technology to be thankful for, because of Klaatu, (“The Day the Earth Stood Still”, alien character) though he is the complete opposite of the charming, handsome, gracious, elevated spirit in film and in book.
He, in reptilian form and in grey form, instead sees us in much the same perfunctory way, that we see chickens, and thus no equanimity.

"They call them the Body-eaters," My friend Ethan said. There was a night that existed once. He and his father invited me once for a barbecue. Ethan had explained to me that his old man was the Best Cook in the World for his famous juicy hamburgers and ribs. Later on that night, we stayed outside and made a small fire. Ethan was the only friend I had in college. As our conversations went on for an eternity about different ideas on what we planned to do in life, he then brought up an unusual subject. A myth.
"Why are they called Body-eaters?" I asked him. "Because of the way they look. They have no flesh, blood, bones, eyeballs, nothing. They're basically just empty shells of skin, wanting to fill their bodies to become human."
I was fascinated by such a story. "And how does one get all of the guts and bones, huh?" I asked. "Duh! They have to kill for that to happen, dumbass!" Ethan said. It was the last time I had heard from Ethan. I hadn’t spoken to him for three days after that night. I never showed up at school or answered any of my messages nor phone calls. It was then that it had been reported on the news that my friend had gone missing.
And as in most cases, Ethan was never found.
I took a trip after I had graduated college. My mother wanted to reward me by renting out a cabin that was a bit away from the town I once called home. The area around the wooded home was surrounded by lots of trees and the rest of God's creations, such as leaves and the sound of birds chirping. I felt as if I should be taking the opportunity to enjoy my break as I needed to be looking for a career sooner or later.
There was enough food and drink to last me for some time as I was staying there. I settled in and everything went fine for the past few nights. For the past few nights I had stayed in and had become a couch potato and played Super Mario Odyssey. My personality opinion is that the Nintendo Switch was the best game console that has ever existed.
But then some odd events began to occur. The fourth night I slept there, the wind began to blow hard somewhere during the afternoon. As I was eating dinner as the moon had taken its place in the sky, I heard noises coming from outside. Rustling leaves and what sounded like deers running, I assumed it was deers due to the sound I heard but when I looked outside I didn't see anyone or anything.
Around 2am in the middle of night, I began to hear sounds coming from outside. It sounded as if someone was moaning in pain. But the voice sounded as if it had belonged to a man. I kept the lights off and remained quiet. I listened carefully. Another sound began to exist next to the first. Only this time, it sounded as if it had belonged to a woman. I slowly took a small peek outside the window as I lifted up the curtain.
As the moonlight was the only light that existed in the dead of night, somewhere within the trees where people. I would have to say that there were about maybe ten or sixteen of them standing outside. From the position they were in, I was able to see that they were facing straight towards the cabin. Due to it being night I was not able to see the facial details of who were standing outside on my land. But after some minutes looking through the glass, slowly one by one they began moving, walking towards the opposite direction from where I was. But what had caught my attention was the way they had walked. The way they had walked was usually. They had limped walking away into the opposite direction in the darkness. In my best description, and in the right way to say it is that they were walking like zombies.

The next morning, I heard a knock at the door. To my surprise, I had recognized the man who was standing behind the front door: It was my friend Ethan’s father. His name was Jack. I allowed him in and sat him down but the look on his face showed that he was feeling some kind of misery. I asked him if everything was okay. 

“Your mom told me where you were. I came to speak to you about something.” He then took a sip from a water bottle that I offered him when he stepped inside.
“Do you by any chance remember that story my son had told you before-” He paused for a moment, but continued. “You know.”
“Yes, I remember The Body Eaters, right?” I replied. “Body Wanters.” I then asked, “w-what?” " That's what they're called, Bodywanters, not Body-eaters, that's such a bull-shit name." He had his head looking down at the surface of the table to where we sat, but after he said Body wanters, That's when he lifted his head and looked at me. “Those things were what took Ethan. Those . . disgrace of existence is what took my son!” He said. I was lost. I didn’t understand what he had meant by what came out of his mouth. “But Ethan said it was just a myth. That it was just a story-” Jack then interrupted me.
“It’s not just a story.” “How do you know?” “Because Ethan came back,” he said. “He came back as one of them. After what was about a week, He came by the front door, he was dirty. His clothes were covered in dirt. I hugged him but he hadn’t said a word when he came back. I had him cleaned up and everything. For the next few days, he didn’t go to school. I did my best to get him back on his feet. He hadn’t eaten.”
He then paused. “And then?” I asked.
He continued, “And then one night, I hear something from the living room, so I wake up to check. And,-” He paused for a moment. From the look on his face I could see that what he remembered completely terrified him. That’s when he kept going with his story:
“And I see his skin on the ground. It had been badly ripped, like the way a dog would tear a blanket. From behind me, I could hear something. I heard something growling and when I looked, there was something not human. It was large, it was pale and little bits of hair. Its eyes were black. Muscular. I was horrified. It then roared and sprinted towards me, I was able to dodge its attack and ran to my room and grabbed the shotgun from under the bed. When it came to my room it headed towards me and I fired at it.” I was lost for words.
"And these things, where did they come from?" I asked. I was fascinated by Jack for he had a way of telling a story. "Jack, where did these come from?” I asked.
“Well,” He said, “The myth is told apart from the bible, how before the devil became, well, the devil, he was one of God’s best angels, as most know, he had betrayed God, so God sent him away. Now, this is where our situation starts: in the myth, it is said that there was something else that saw what the angel did to betray God, and their being of existence was inspired to do evil. So it took bits of God’s power to create man but it was only able to make skin. And then, well, I think you know where these things landed.”
It's funny how memories work. Memories are linked to our emotions, physical sensations and to the environment we are involved in. Our memories can help us plan and guide our future and choices we make everyday. Long term memory can usually be stable and can go for as long as we love. Some people believe that we should be able to remember when we are first born, but some memories may not be conscious unless they are triggered by something or someone. Such things as returning to an old house you once called home in our early years and all of a sudden, the memory connects to your head. And then all of sudden, memories of certain events came to existence as flashbacks. There was once a child named Ethan Kables who went missing from my town I once called home, but soon after some years, he too had come back, but from his actions, he didn’t come back normal. I once had a childhood friend named Hana who too acted odd at times, and soon afterwards, I later found out that she wasn't really 'Hana'. And then there was a woman outside my house one night, and she too walked like the people of the previous night.
I'm sure Jack saw the expression on my face, but as thoughts raced through my head, he asked, "what, what is it?"
Before I could say anything, I had completely lost track of time when I noticed from one of the windows, the sun was setting, and night was beginning to set.

If you're a Gremlin named Ryven, Yara, Myuri, or Desmyn, stop reading!
So, my PCs are working on a quest to free their patron. On this quest, they've come across a town that, so far, just seems very unnerving. Steange lights, people acting weird, omens about 'fiends', etc.
What they don't know is that an Elder Evil is trying to take over. Currently, people in the town are having nightmares about water and, given enough time, are possessed by the evil to do its bidding. Those who have lost their minds consume a special liquid that changes their insides to that of aberrations.
The possession can be sped up by consuming the blood of those who have been fully possesed and/or transformed, with the latter being much faster. Additionally corrupted food can speed up the process, such as the strange black crabs found in the city's bay or the special 'brew' made only in the city.
The characters don't know this yet because they just arrived in town. However, they have already had 1 meal with the corrupted food and there's likely more to come.
Question is - What kind of effects should this have on the PCs?
My current idea is to keep a running count of 'charges of corruption' that increases every time they eat corrupted food or fail a CHA save at night and have the following effects:

• For 1 charge, the character is given disadvantage or advantage on a roll, depending on what the Elder Evil wants
• For 3 charges, the character is given an automatic failure or success on a roll, depending on what the Elder Evil wants
• For 5 charges, the character gains some sort of lesser madness effect (Crown of Madness, something from the DMG, etc) for a short time, like a day or two, depending on what the Elder Evil wants
• For 10 charges, the character gains some sort of greater madness effect for a longer amount of time, depending on what the Elder Evil wants

Previous / First
Writer's note: My bad about the past few days. A stomach bug and work got in the way. But all's good.
Now learn some tragic backstory, a bit of Earth info, and the status of everyone's favorite omen of misfortune.
Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The King was already conversing with Colonel Muhammed when James finally caught up with him in the command room. He jogged in at a brisk pace, but stopped when he saw the two of them talking on the small tablet in front of the King.
King Farrick cocked an eyebrow as he saw James. James just shrugged while mouthing "I know." and gesturing at his beard. The King shook his head as he looked back down at the tablet.
"We're just glad our people could be of assistance sir." The Colonel said. "Even if it only ended up being during the cool down after everything had already resolved."
"It is greatly appreciated Colonel." The King replied. "Seeing as the dungeon is currently erm... ruined... we'll have to let the last few of your people there out. Though they'll still be restricted in their movements." He added. The Colonel nodded, as if she'd expected as much. "As for the weapons." He continued. "Well," He sighed deeply. "I look forward to the.... paperwork.... regarding its use in necessary situations."
Colonel Muhammed let out a quick snort. "I'll see if I can get em to keep it short and sweet." She said.
The King motioned for James, who walked over. "Captain Choi is back earlier than expected, as I'm sure you know." He said as James got next to him and he turned the tablet so its camera caught James too. "I'll let you have him for a bit."
And just like that James was looking at his commanding officer while sporting a neon pink beard.
"Evening ma'am." He said with his cheesiest smile.
Muhammmed's eyes glazed over as she saw the ridiculous facial hair.
"Do I even want to know?" She asked.
"Nope." James replied honestly. "But I made friends during my trip." Then he shook his hand in a so-so gesture. "Well... one of em might just be an...." Then he rethought his standing with the Vatrian Emperor, Vateris. He also hadn't talked with command about his personal vendetta against the so-called gods. "Look. I didn't end up in prison or dead. And things went mostly well."
And suddenly a very grainy, sand-coated, hand was holding James's. He did what he could not to jump with surprise.
"By the way. Meet Glag!" He said excitedly as he panned the camera down to the rock monster's face. Glag looked at the screen with wide, amazed, eyes. James was surprised to see that Glag looked surprisingly dark, and just a little red. "He's a new companion!"
"What in the hell is that?" The Colonel asked as she peered at the screen on her end.
"Glaaaaag." Glag replied.
"Introductions done." James said. "So, what's the deal with the Zootopia duo?"
------------------------------
"Okay. It was weird at the store." Samantha said as she looked around. "But this is just plain strange."
Around them the restaurant was empty. The bistro Fletcher had brought her to, The Blue Tree, was a ghost town. A few of the staff stood at the greeting booth on the other side of the room. But other than that it was completely deserted. It was so quiet that they could hear the kitchen staff working prep in the back, for what had to be ONLY their food.
"Admittedly I think they took this a bit too far." Fletcher said abashedly as he peeked at the small menu. "This can't be cheap for the hospital, or government or whoever is funding the rehabilitation program."
There was an awkward silence for a few moments as they both tried to think of what to say. Neither of them would admit it, but it had been a while since either of them had dated.
And neither of them had ever dated in THIS particular scenario.
"So... how long have you been a lawyer?" She asked hesitantly.
"Um... about... eight years now?" He said uncertainly as he tried to do math in his head. "Close to nine. How bout you? How long were you in the Army before um.... well. You know."
She nodded. She was getting a lot better about acknowledging what had happened. But it was still a sore spot.
"I was about half way through my second term. So about six years." She answered, even though she was certain he'd probably read that in her file at some point. "Wasn't gonna reenlist again though."
"No plans to make it a career?" He asked.
"No." She said with a shake of her head. "No I intended to get out and get certified as a ration enforcement officer once I was done."
"Ration enforcement?" He said with raised eyebrows. "That's a dangerous job. Even compared to being an MP. Planning on staying near your family?"
She chuckled. "Yeah." She admitted. "My fathers shop is small and usually gets shunted by the bigger ones in the area. Wanted to stick around and keep the queues in order so it didn't happen."
"Ah. Makes sense." He responded as one of the wait staff came over.
A few minutes later, and after Fletcher had ensured that they'd been warned about Samantha's new dietary difficulties, the young woman departed with a smile and promise that their drinks and appetizers would be out in just a few minutes.
"And what got you into law?" She asked once they were alone again.
"My wife." He said, causing her to spit out the small sip of water she'd taken after asking the question. He smiled and there was a pain there. "Don't worry." He said. "I'm not married anymore."
"Divorced?" She asked, trying to figure out what was happening now.
Fletcher's mouth opened for a moment as he tried to think for a second. Did he really wanna have THIS talk on, what was hopefully a first, date. "Widower." He said softly.
And just like that she was thrown off balance again.
"I'-I'm so sorry." She said hastily. "I didn't know."
He held his hands up in warding. "It's fine." He said reassuringly. "It's been.... almost a decade now. I'm... I'm okay."
There was another awkward silence, though this time NOT because neither of them had anything to say.
Fletcher spoke first.
"She was a Paramedic." He said. "She was helping with some humanitarian work overseas and um... She got sick from some of the fallout." He nodded as he took a deep breath. "The organization she worked for was uh.... less than honorable about helping her get cared for afterwords. I started reading up on as many laws and regulations as I could to help her fight for it. But uh.... too little too late." Then he fake-smiled. "But I found out I was good at understanding legal jargon so I uh.... found my calling. I guess. Retooled my college classes and the rest is history."
"That's awful." She said quietly, not knowing what else to say given what she'd just heard.
"It was, yeah." He agreed. "But uh... thanks to that I've been able to help a lot of people who've been screwed by similar situations. So... I don't know. Guess that's something."
She smiled too. "Well you helped me." She said. "Didn't expect the ARMY of all organizations to back down from some legalese."
He pointed out at one of the windows, at the people outside walking about. Across the street a few teenagers were watching as one of them tried to levitate. The kid rose about a foot or so before beginning to wobble and then flipping over and falling on his face. The other two fell out laughing and jeering as he picked himself up.
"Between the two packs that split off and headed north and south, and all the people that have started to have ACTUAL magic powers." He said with a shrug. "I think they just have bigger fish to fry."
"Your appetizers and drinks." The server said, startling both of them.
"Ah." Fletcher said with a genuine smile this time. "I think you're gonna like the crab sliders here. They actually use REAL crab."
Her eyes widened. Real crab was rare nowadays. Then she looked at the server, who was nodding. "They closed this place and you guys serve REAL crab?" She asked.
"Sure do." The server replied with a smile. "We're one of the few restaurants in the city that gets any.
"God you weren't kidding." Samantha said as she turned back to Fletcher. "It must have cost a fortune to close a place like this for a night."
"I told you." He said jokingly with a grin.
She slumped, a little embarrassed at everything that had to have gone into this. She didn't deserve all this.
"So we'd better make the most of it before the hospital's finance department catches on." He said as he raised his glass of wine in a toast. "Again, assuming this isn't government funded. Which... it probably is."
Samantha lifted the large stein of light ale and, as gently as she could, clinked it against his glass.
"Enjoy." The server said as she nodded and stepped back.
And just like that the tone of the conversation lightened, and the rest of dinner was much more enjoyable.
--------------------------
Vickers awoke with a gasp.
Everything hurt.
He'd been beaten up pretty badly before. Had even been way too close to explosions a few times and spent weeks in the hospital recovering afterword to make sure he didn't have any unseen injuries. Then there was the time some turbulence had caused him to botch a wet insertion from a helicopter that had already been almost at the max height for a dive.
Those had all had him SORE for weeks.
This was different.
He felt both hot and cold at the same time. And not just his skin, but his entire body, inside and out, felt like they were infused with IcyHot.
And try as he might, he couldn't see, and everything was muted.
"He's awake." Someone said from outside of him. "Fetch the Archmage and master Farstorm."
"Whe-" He tried to say. But his voice was horse, and cracked as he tried to wheeze out the question. "Where?" He said weakly after struggling to swallow with a mouth that was drier than it had ever been before.
Someone touched him on the chest, and even though the touch was light and delicate he groaned in pain as every nerve in the area screamed.
And even in that excruciating moment, the part of his brain that nobody could ever fully get rid of, no matter how much training they underwent, joked.
So this is what Choi's life is like. It said sarcastically. Running through life like a marshmallow that got dropped in a camp fire every few months. Tough little fucker.
"Calm down Mister Vickers." One of those muted voices, that he thought sounded familiar, said. "We only woke you up so the Archmage could ask a few questions. We'll have you back under in a minute. Let me give you something for the pain."
"Not until the lead healer has okayed it." Another voice said somewhat harshly. "We don't even know how your Earth medicine will affect his body now."
"I do." The first voice replied. "I've used this stuff on were-people before. It works just fine. I just have to up the dosage. And Shrend knows it." The first voice, which he now faintly recognized as Choi's mom, said.
There was a pinch in the middle of a bloom of fire on Vickers' throat as a needle was pressed into one of the veins there.
And suddenly the pain, and everything else for that matter, seemed to drop away.
"Thassss..." He began. "Thasssalot... bedder."
"Shhhh." Mrs. Choi said as he felt, faintly, her touching his head. "I'm gonna take off some of your bandages so you can hear and see." She finished as his hearing cleared. "Plus we need to check your eyes and ears anyways."
A moment later Vickers' eyes opened and he was surrounded by a swirling mix of green and amber light. It was blurry, though he was mostly just happy he had any sight at all.
"Still cloudy." Mrs. Choi said as she pried his eyes open ever so slightly and looked inside. She as about to check his ears when the door opened.
Vickers turned his head with a slowness that was not intentional.
"Chief Vickers." Said the old mage who usually spoke so slowly, and looked so frail. But he didn't look or sound anything of the such at the moment as he pulled up a chair and sat where he could look at Vickers.
"Thaassss....me." He said as his head swam with whatever Mrs. Choi had given him. Probably Ketamine or something.
"I know you're in a lot of pain right now." The old mage said. "But we need to know what you saw. What was on the other side of that door before the Elemental manifested?"

A forest, so dark and omnious, with trees so tall and thick like the walls of a fortress that stands strong, immovable by any force, and grass covering the cold earth beneath, attempting to warm it even a bit, even for a moment. And there it was, the crying lost child, pale as a ghost with little to no color on its body, hoping to find even the slightest of warmth and comfort in this pitch black realm.
The kid, barely able to move and speak, gathered what's left of its strength to look up at the sky. And there, between the thick leaves of the giant trees, was the moon, trying to snuck its light between the leaves.
'Oh, dear child, let me help you find your way out of this void. I promise to be your light, to guide you to happiness, to help you feel warm.' said the moon, reaching its hand of moonlight out to the weeping child.
The kid, though still exhausted and weak, crawled along the path that was lit up by the moon. But the moonlight did not uncover all the thorns and traps and as the white skin on the child's hands and legs quickly tore, blood streamed down its limbs, bringing a shade of red to the blank canvas that was the child's body. Though the pain was too much to bear, the kid's wish to make it out of the dark pit was stronger, so it licked its wounds and pushed forward. As the phases of the moon changed, so did its luminosity. When the moon was full, the child moved forward with no fear of getting hurt. When the moon was half, the kid often tripped and hurt itself on the thorns beneath it. And when the moon went dark - the child stayed in place, weeping and licking the blood off its wounds, reminding itself that as long as the moon shone upon it, everything would be alright. And so it went on and on, a never-ending cycle - a neverending night.
But there it was at once - the sun. After what it felt like an eternity for the child, being lost in the cold, dark and lonely forest with only the moonlight to guide it, it finally got a glimpse of the sun's warmth and the scene of a wide beautiful field uncovered in front of its dull eyes.
'Oh, dear child, worry not for I'm here to guide you, to keep you company and to keep you warm.' said the sun as its rays gently stroke the child's head, and as if an artist painted on a canvas, the child, white as snow, turned colorful like a flowerfield in the spring. With copper hair so soft and silky and eyes like a gemstone, the tears on the child's face dissappeared as it finally felt the joy of life.
Unlike the moon, the sun shone upon all paths - the thorny ones, the ones with flower petals as its carpet, the ones covered in mud, and the ones paved with gold. The scene made the child to realize that the moon was only showing the path that it wanted the kid to walk on, giving it no other choice as it was unable to see in the dark without the moonlight. The moon that promised to save the kid was a liar and the moonlight - a delusion. The child, now strong and full of life, chose the road to walk, the turns to make, and even though it sometimes took the wrong turns and hurt itself, the child was happy that it had the freedom to make its own choices, without having to count on the limiting light of the lying moon.
But a day always comes to its end, and the sun is set over the field, making way for the night. The moon rose upon the field, but this time, it did not light up a path for the kid. Instead, the moon asked, 'Oh, child, is my light not enough for you that you would fall the sun's illusions?'
'Tell me silver moon, why did you only light up the road you want me to walk, even though there were many more?' asked the child, staring at the moon with its gemstone eyes, standing strong on its own two legs, 'Why is that i never felt the warmth you promised me? Why is that I always felt cold, even though you always shone upon me? Why is that everything you promised the sun did in your place?'
The moon irritated and angry disappeared off the night sky, and slowly, all the stars followed it. The kid sat in the darkness, waiting for the sun to rise again, thinking about the moon and where it all went wrong. As the night was nearing its end, the sun made its way back on the sky, and the child continued its journey, enjoying the warmth of the sun. But when it was time for the sun to set again and the night took place, the moon and the stars didn't come back. In fact, they never did. They were gone forever. The child that was so in love with the sunshine later realized that it needed the moon because no matter how good the sun was to the child, it always set in the evening.
Now, the kid was all alone with absolutely no light in the night. So, every night, the child paused its journey and cried for the moon. But the moon was gone, and so were the stars. The moon was a liar and the moonlight - a delusion, but the moon gave its all, and the moonlight, though cold, was still light. And the sun, even though it made the kid's life warm, kind and free of misery, was never there when it got dark. The sun was never there to wipe the tears of the child's face.
The moon is a liar, the moonlight - a delusion. The sun is a friend, but its friendship - the sunlight - an illusion.
-venus

- Hello, I'm looking to make new friends to hang out with and would like to play some of the games I listed in the title of this post. - I'm a pretty quiet person but easy to talk to. I would prefer playing with people that don't take games too seriously and don't get toxic/upset over losses because I just want to have fun tbh. - If you don't play the games I play that's fine I'd love to find new games to try out, but I also have other games that I didn't mention on battlenet/steam/epic.
Feel free to message me to exchange gamertags or add me on discord, my username is moping

So I wrote this. Recycled ideas, but eventually all of this will be cited. It's basically my own CES Letter. The formatting is weird because this is coming over from Notion.
I had to write this out to start my own deconstruction anyway, but giving it to my spouse will be interesting. Read it if you want. Critique it if you want. I just had to get this out into the universe.
​

1. The concept that the Church can lie to you
   
   1. Rather than being told the entire truth about Joseph Smith’s death, we are told that he is innocent of any crime and that he went to deliver himself up. The truth of the matter is, Joseph Smith was in jail for destroying the property of William Law, who was creating a newspaper called the Nauvoo Expositor. He ordered the printing press be destroyed and violated the first amendment, as well as destroying another’s property. The newspaper exposed polygamy and many of the other immoralities of the Church. On the surface, this lie doesn’t seem egregious, but D&C 135 section mentions that Joseph was a martyr for the religion, and I was always taught this. However, he didn’t deliver himself up to be killed and it wasn’t because he was a “mormon”; it was because he broke the law and had angered a mob. All of this was a direct result of him practicing polygamy and yielding so much power.
   2. The method of translating the Book of Mormon was largely misrepresented to me as a youth, missionary, and young adult. I was always taught, whether through art or articles, that Joseph used the Gold Plates to translate the Book of Mormon.
   3. However, upon widespread discovery of further quotes and scrutiny, in 2014 the Church admitted that the translation was done through a rock and a hat. This is justified by quoting the Book of Mormon where it talks about bringing forth a stone to shine forth in the darkness. (Alma 37:23-24). The methods of translation accounts differ from each other. Martin Harris saying they were done by sitting across the table. Oliver Cowdery saying it was done by the urim and thummim or two stones and spectacles. To be clear, I am okay with some ambiguity surrounding the translation, or it being by the power of God. What I’m not okay with is the church deceiving how it was done until the internet era forced them to release the Gospel Topic Essays on this subject.
   4. The implementation of polygamy. a. Left ambiguous for a reason. How Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, Wilford Woodruff, Heber C. Kimball and many other high ranking church members took many wives including teenage wives. The church’s essay on this topic refers to Helen Mar Kimball, a 14 year old, as “several months before her 15th birthday.” In fact, they even say that Helen said it was for “eternity alone” but that is an out of context poem from Helen’s journal. There is no proof of sexual relations, but there are proof in many other relatoinships, including Fanny Alger, Joseph’s first “wife” that Oliver Cowdery called a filthy affair. He was excommunicated partly due to that statement. b. Joseph Smith wrote a letter to 19-year old Nancy Rigdon propositioning her to marry him after she denied his appeal in 1842. This letter is quoted in General Conference many times over the years, “Happiness is the object and design of our existence, and will be the end thereof if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.” He then goes on to tell her that we cannot obey the commandments if we don’t know them and what seems wrong, can actually be right in certain circumstances. He quotes the times God has contradicted Himself in the scriptures. This letter is gross. Note that it comes right before the plural marriage revelation D&C 132. c. Joseph claimed that an angel with a drawn sword made him marry Zina Huntington Jacobs, despite her engagement to Henry Jacobs. He sent Henry on missions. She did stay faithful and was eventually sealed to Brigham Young, who also subsequently sent Henry Jacobs on missions. d. This doesn’t even take into account the actions of preceeding prophets who were married to dozens of women, sealed to hundreds, and many of them were underage. Wilford Woodruff for instance sealed himself to a 6 year old girl who had passed away, inexplicably. Maybe he didn’t know? Maybe he did? Who knows.
   5. D&C 132- Joseph Smith was sealed to over 20 wives before being sealed to Emma. He denied being polygamous publicly multiple times and the relief society (of which, Emma was president) wrote a letter condemning polygamy, while one of the presidency members was sealed to Joseph.
      1. Law of Sarah was violated before it was ever implemented
      2. Joseph performing a second marriage to the Whitney sisters after Emma approved it.
      3. Women must be virgins, while Joseph was married to other married women (at least 2).
      4. Abraham was not commanded by God to practice plural marriage, he was asked by Sarah to marry Hagoth because Sarah was barren.
      5. Additionally, Jacob condemns polygamy in the Book of Mormon but then God okays it in the D&C 132, both of them specifically citing the examples of Soloman and David.
      6. Plural marriage is the “new and everlasting covenant” implying that plural marriage in the celestial kingdom will be the new and everlasting covenant and required.
      7. 5. Historicity of the Book of Abraham There is an entire Gospel Topics Essay on this but the background is as follows. A guy named Michael Chandler shows up in Kirland with mummies and a bunch of scrolls. They were unearthed by Napoleon’s raiding of the Egyptian catacombs. Joseph believes that they are scrolls that contained writings of Abraham. He begins translation in 1835 and publishes it in May of 1842. The odds that these mummies, coming from a salesman who had a lot to gain, containing the written word of Abraham has always seemed really fortunate. In the Pearl of Great Price, the heading says they are penned by “the hand of Abraham” but according to scholars in and out of the church, they were written much later. “These fragments date to between the third century B.C.E. and the first century C.E., long after Abraham lived.” Not only is it not written by Abraham’s hand, it is also not anything to do with Abraham. In Joseph’s time, the Rosetta Stone had not been widely discovered. He began translating this book and now, experts know that these are standard funerary texts. The Facsimiles (pictures) have nothing to do with the sacrifice of Abraham. Everyone virtually agrees that what is on the remains of the scroll (most of which was lost in the Chicago fire but then recovered), is not what Joseph translated. This casts a large shadow of doubt on Joseph’s ability to translate. The Church is admitting that Joseph translated incorrectly. The only way to reconcile this is that Joseph used these scrolls to channel the Spirit to record what is in the Book of Abraham today. The doctrines in Abraham largely expand on the Genesis story but go deeper in doctrines about plurality of Gods and the creation of the universe and stars. Some of this goes against the Book of Mormon’s view of God. The Authenticity of the Book of Mormon
      8. This is arguably the largest domino that needs to stay in place. Here are a few quotes demonstrating the absolute necessity of the Book of Mormon being an authentic history of the peoples on this continent.
      9. “The Book of Mormon is God’s compelling witness of the divinity of Jesus Christ, the prophetic calling of Joseph Smith, and the absolute truth of this Church.” - Tad R. Callister
      10. “The Book of Mormon is the most important religious text to be revealed from God to man ‘since the writings of the New Testament were compiled nearly two millennia ago.’ Joseph Smith declared the Book of Mormon to be “the most correct of any book on earth, and the keystone of our religion.” It is the only book that the Lord Himself has testified to be true.” - President Nelson
      11. “I testify that one cannot come to full faith in this latter-day work—and thereby find the fullest measure of peace and comfort in these, our times—until he or she embraces the divinity of the Book of Mormon and the Lord Jesus Christ, of whom it testifies…and if he or she leaves this Church, it must be done by crawling over or under or around the Book of Mormon to make that exit. In that sense the book is what Christ Himself was said to be: “a stone of stumbling, … a rock of offence,” a barrier in the path of one who wishes not to believe in this work.” - Jeffrey R. Holland.
      12. "All that we have, all that we do hinge on the truth of that account of the boy Joseph Smith. If it is true, then everything that we have in this Church is true and is more precious and worth more than anything else on earth. If it is false, we are engaged in the greatest fraud that was ever perpetrated on earth.” - Gordon B Hinckley
      13. So with all that being said, this is my biggest stumbling block. I will begin with my own issues with the book that happened long before I was ever introduced to anything outside of approved Church material.
      14. The Sermon on the Mount given to the Nephites in 3 Nephi matches almost exactly to the one given in Matthew, with slight changes. He sets up a church similar to the one set up with Peter. But, the only issue is years later, Joseph Smith writes the JST and corrects different things in the Matthew version of the Sermon. But, if the Book of Mormon is the most correct book on earth, wouldn’t the writings have been exactly what the Savior meant?
      15. 2 Nephi 3 - Book of Mormon writes Joseph into the text relating a prophecy given to Joseph in Egypt, saying that a choice seer will be raised up and he will be named the Joseph after his father. 2 Nephi 3: 14-16
      16. There is a huge time lapse between Jarom and Omni to get us into Mosiah. 399 BC to 130 BC. The prophets basically write nothing and it seems like it’s just a transition to get to Mosiah.
      17. Ammon chopping off a ton of arms and all the people bring them to the king. The story of Ammon in general is crazy. The King is struck down for 3 days and his wife thinks he is dead. Then, Ammon converts this king who then goes and rescues Ammon’s brothers from another king.
      18. Other direct copies from the New Testament and Paul specifically found in the Book of Mormon. Moroni 7 is basically the same phrasing and concepts taught in 1 Corinthians 13. 2 Nephi 4:17 says “O wrteched man that I am” matches exactly to Romans 7:24.
      19. Alma the Younger’s story mirrors Paul the apostles history almost exactly. Both are destroying the church, get struck down by an Angel, go on to become amazing missionaries and even both appear before King’s and wicked people.
      20. The concepts taught in the Book of Mormon are basically christian. They are practicing Christianity as soon as middle of Mosiah, which is like 100BC. They are baptizing and confirming with the Holy Ghost. However, since Christ hadn’t fulfilled the law of Moses and they should’ve been practicing the Mosaic law. The book contains basically zero Mosaic and Hebrew traditions, which Lehi and his family would have been sharply familiar with. Instead, they practice Christianity before Jesus had even been born or practiced the Atonement.
      21. Joseph Smith almost never quotes from it. In fact, I’ve searched and searched and only found him reference it maybe once or twice. If this book is so important, shouldn’t it had been quoted from extensively. It doesn’t become a huge focus until basically the 1980s with Ezra Taft Benson started “flooding the earth with the Book of Mormon.” I’ve read Brigham Young’s entire Discourses of Brigham Young and he rarely mentions the Book of Mormon. While this proves very little, it just intensifies the idea to me that Joseph wrote it and did not consider it authentic scripture, even for himself.
      22. King Zedekiah Problem - The timeline of when Nephi left Jerusalem in the reign of King Zedekiah in preparation for the destruction of Jerusalem. But, King Nebuchednezzar had already invaded Judah twice by 599BC., two years prior to the Book of Mormon. He then Installed Zedekiah (formerly known as Mattaniah) as King of Jerusalem (2 Kings 24:11-18). So what does this mean?
      23. I will leave out the potential influences here because I do not think they are helpful nor likely to be true source material for the Book of Mormon. I think they are largely speculation and created just to create doubt without much validity or true sources. Do we know if Joseph accessed these works? Not really. But, it’s possible. There are a myriad of other problems with the Book of Mormon when examined scientifically, but that doesn’t really bother me so much. The church has an essay on DNA of Israelites not being in “Lamanite” or native american blood, despite many church leaders preaching that for years. It’s even included in the Book of Mormon title page until like 2006 or something. Additionally, Joseph Smith almost never quotes or teaches from the Book of Mormon. If it’s the most correct book of any on the earth, why is he not basing his sermons off these stories and scriptures?
      24. The Book of Mormon require that 3 key events from the Bible be literal events: a global flood in the times of Noah that covered the entire earth, Adam and Eve in the garden, and different languages occuring because God cursed people at the Tower of Babel.
      25. When I read the Book of Mormon, if I view it from a purely protestant view, it matches up doctrinally. In fact, it matches more purely with a presbyterian or methodist view of the atonement and doctrines (including the original trinitarian concepts taught in the Book before changes by Joseph Smith in 1837, eight years after the Book of Mormon was published and his first vision account that mentions God and Jesus being separate beings)
      26. The Charles Anthon Story is posed as a faith promoting story and prophecy fulfillment of Isaiah 29:11-12, where the learned wouldn’t be able to read a sealed book. So here’s the Church Narrative as found in JSH.
      27. Once i take off my believing member hat and look at this story objectively, it looks to me like complete and total BS. I am honestly insulted that this was taught and passed off to me as some amazing prophecy of Isaiah that was passed on to me.

Disavowed teachings and behavior of former prophets and leaders.

1. Brigham Young
   1. Adam-God theory was taught in the temple and considered straight doctrine by the “prophet” Brigham Young.
   2. Blood Atonement was also taught in the early Utah days
   3. Brigham taught that no man can receive the highest exaltation without taking on extra wives.
   4. Brigham young definitely was in approval (either before or after) of the Mountain Meadows Massacre, which is the slaughtering of innocent immigrants heading west. They luckily spared the smallest children and raised them Mormon. He scapegoated John D Lee who suffered the death penalty, despite being rewarded with “wives” by Brigham Young prior to that. Hmmmm
2. Blacks and the Priesthood
   1. So so so many quotes could go under here talking about how black people would never receive priesthood or temple covenants. The list could go on. I don’t need to repeat them all but in the Gospel Topics Essays, the Church disavows all racist teachings from the past.
   2. Book of Mormon and Abraham still talk about the curse of dark skin. The Lamanites are cursed but then will become “white and delightsome” as they repent (according to Spencer W. Kimball)
   3. How many prophets were completely wrong on this topic? Even after the Civil Rights movement which was going on 15 years earlier. The Church always seeems to be a step behind.
3. Polygamy
   1. Again, I could write a book on how much early leaders emphasized the heavenly requirement for a man to have multiple wives.
   2. Wilford Woodruff was sealed to like a 200 something wives on his birthday, including a six year old who had passed away. This can be found on FamilySearch
   3. The leaders of the Church didn’t stop practicing polygamy until around 1910, which is 20 years after the Manifesto, forced upon them by the US Government. This policy change wasn’t inspiration — to was a matter of the Mormons keeping their stuff or not.
4. Science
   1. Age of the Earth — Joseph Smith says that the earth has a temporal existence of 7,000 years before it will receive it’s eternal glory. This was a common thought back then and ties back into the Old Testament timeline. I was taught this in Seminary. Going back to Adam and Seth, then to Abraham and to modern day. It all lines up so that the Second Coming will be happening soon.
   2. Adam + Eve — This one is very hard for me to get past because the proof is indisputable: human life did not begin 6,000 years ago by two human beings. There was physical death long before it was introduced by the partaking of the forbidden fruit. It is fact. To deny it would be like denying that the Earth is round or orbits the Sun. So is this an allegory? Well Joseph Smith down to current general authorities have taught that this is LITERAL. The temple clearly emphasizes this. This is something BIG to get wrong. Considering Joseph Smith taught that it happened in the garden of Eden which was in Missouri.
   3. Noah’s Ark — This has to be literal as it is in the Book of Mormon as a fact. It’s also been “revealed” to have been a literal, global flood that covered the earth and cleansed the earth of all inhabitants. We also have doctrine in our church that says modern day revelation has confirmed this fact. But, this “story” is largely based on the Babylonian tale “The Epic of Gilgamesh.” It was recorded before the Hebrew Bible recorded the tale of Noah. The stories are earily similar and there are so many throughout other cultures of a great flood. Maybe that makes it more likely? Or maybe it was just a prevailing thought in that time period. Either way, scientific evidence knows that Noah’s Ark never happened because a huge flood never happened. And ask yourself, how in the world would they get all the animals on a boat? Is this really realistic?
   4. Tower of Babel — This is the genesis of the Jaredites. The Lord was confounding the language of the people, so the Brother of Jared goes and asks that they are spared. Eventually they are led to the Americas (which has a host of other problems). But, this story has to be literal because that’s exactly what’s happening in the Jaredite civilization to lead them to cross the ocean. But language evolved over tens of thousands of years and had nothing to do with a tower in around 2500 BC.
   5. Evolution — This fact goes along with Adam and Eve. Modern day prophets have disavowed this fact. In fact, Joseph Fielding Smit said “If evolution is true, the church is false” in Doctrines of Salvation, which was written while he was the prophet.

​

1. Sexual Assault Cover Ups - This one is pretty self explanatory. There are hundreds of occasions and the most recent ones in the news are pretty disgusting. The fact that the Church didn’t report, and had systems in place to protect itself rather than the victims, makes me sick.
   
2. First Vision Accounts - In many Church media films and the way I was taught at a young age, Joseph had the first vision and then was mocked by the people of Palmyra for believing in visions. I had not idea that this was not the case. In fact, Joseph never wrote anything down until 1832. The accounts from 1832, 1835, 1838, and 1842 paint a picture of someone who was expanding, molding, and letting this vision evolve. The reasons why he went out to pray in the trees changes. First, it’s to receive a remission of his sins. He also says in that account that he’s already concluded that the church’s of his day are fallen. Then it evolves. He also says the Lord appears. Then it’s angels. Then it’s the Lord and His Father. He mentions that it had never entered his heart that they were all wrong in the Canonized JSH we have in the Pearl of Great Price. But, then he says he already knew they were wrong in earlier versions? In fact, Asa Wild and Norris Stearns have visions in 1815 and 1823 in the same area as Joseph Smith and the verbiage used is similar. Norris Stearns says, “At length, as I lay apparently upon the brink of eternal woe, seeing nothing but death before me, suddenly there came a sweet flow of the love of God to my soul, which gradually increased. At the same time, there appeared a small gleam of light in the room, above the brightness of the sun, then at his meridian, which grew brighter and brighter: As this light and love increased, my sins began to separate, and the Mountain [of sin] removed towards the east. At length, being in an ecstasy of joy, I turned to the other side of the bed, (whether in the body or out I cannot tell, God knoweth) there I saw two spirits, which I knew at the first sight. But if I had the tongue of an Angel I could not describe their glory, for they brought the joys of heaven with them. One was God, my Maker, almost in bodily shape like a man. His face was, as it were a flame of Fire, and his body, as it had been a Pillar and a Cloud. In looking steadfastly to discern features, I could see none, but a small glimpse would appear in some other place. Below him stood Jesus Christ my Redeemer, in perfect shape like a man-His face was not ablaze, but had the countenance of fire, being bright and shining. His Father’s will appeared to be his! All was condescension, peace, and love!”
   

Ultimately, all of these issues paint a picture, right? The character flaws and mistranslations of Joseph Smith, along with the setting in which he was raised all take away from his prophetic ability. There are more issues that I haven’t even touched on. LGBT issues, the treatment of women, the kinderhook plates, etc. There are more issues touched on in the CES Letter. But, these are things that stick in my mind when I try to imagine believing the Church is true again.
I believe Joseph Smith started writing the Book of Mormon to make money. Then, when it got close to publishing, he decided to start a religion. With the help of Sidney Rigdon, the Church grew and he introduced different aspects of "the Restoration" and eventually the power went to his head.
Being "prophet" brought him three things key for cult leaders. Money. Sex. Power. He got his living taken care of and people built him a house. He had around 40 polygamous wives and preyed on underage girls. He was dubbed king of the world by the Council of the 50 and was Mayor of Nauvoo.
How can I conclude anything other than him being a cult leader? This barely even touches on Brigham and the subsequent prophets that made huge mistakes.

🌌 In a universe...
☀️ In a solar system...
🌎 On a planet...
🗺️ On a continent...
🗾 In a country...
🌃 In a city...
🛣️ On a street...
🏬 In a building...
🚪 In an apartment...
🛋️ In a room...
🛏️ In a bed...
🕺 In a person...
🧠 In an organ...
🔬 In a skin tissue...
💉 In my blood...
🦠 In a cell...
🌰 In the cell's core...
🧬 In my DNA...
🧫 In a molecule...
☢️ In an atom...
💩 There are shit particles because I eat my feces due to a mental disorder.
Edit: I don't give an absolute fuck about the upvotes, I guess the social conventions force me to say "thanks" but I'm above them.
Edit 2: For real guys I'm allergic to upvotes and I lost my EpiPen and I'm dying irl so stop upvoting please my mom is panicking.
Edit 3: Ok that's not funny I'm in the hospital because the upvotes doubled in 10 minutes and I'm coughing blood please guys I'm drawing my tombstone because I'm a preventive person but frl stop upvoting.
Edit 4: Someone told me my edits are toxic😭😭
Edit 5: First time I ever got gold, thanks!
Edit 6: Someone told me my edits are cringe😭😭
Edit 7: This is Brandon's mom. He died tonight at 6 PM. Doctors told me that the causes of the death were chronic cringe. Thank you for supporting our family.

22F, diagnosed with asthma, EDS, POTS, taking Prozac, BC and Qvar inhaler
For the past week, I have had increasingly bad stomach pain after eating. I have lost my appetite, so I haven’t been eating much but aside from when I eat I mostly feel fine.
The problem is, whenever I eat I feel intensely nauseous and start to feel hot. My skin gets clammy and I feel kind of weak and shaky. Today it has progressed to the point of vomiting about 5-10 minutes after I eat. I feel better pretty much immediately after vomiting. I have been eating mostly bland foods the past few days. I do not have any issues with drinking water and have thankfully been able to keep hydrated.
I have also noticed that my bowel movements appear to be grey instead of brown. I’m not sure if this is related.
I am hoping for some advice on what might be wrong with me. Is it fine to wait this out since I am still able to keep down liquids, or should I try to go to urgent care in the next few days?

Forgive me, I am going to rant and scream into the void while I deal with my guilt and frustration. I don't care if this gets taken down, burned or deleted. I NEED TO RANT AND SHOUT. I know I am a bootyhole for exploding. But her behavior lately made me lash out and I am not proud of it. I just need to get this out and I want her to see just how ducked up she is.
No she will never find this because 1. She hates reddit cuz it's all "Fake". 2. She doesn't like social media drama posts or readings - whatever people who read reddit drammas are called. Redditoperas!
This is the only Reddit thing I like and have ever joint or posted to.
Alright. Deep breath.
I Susan (29F) have a cousin Georgette (27F all names are changed) and I absolutely love her, she is practically my little sister, we grew up together and we literally live in the same area (I can walk to her apartment complex by walking through a shared public park) and we interact with eachother constantly. And she emotionally Dumps on me. CONSTNTLY.
She is the female embodiment of lost potential, entitled and lazy spoilt brat. She is smart but so very dumb and lazy. Now mind you she wasn't always like this. In fact when we were in highschool she was the complete opposite. Hardworking, determined, popular with people. It feels as if she peaked did a 180 and then came crashing down the second she turned 21 and had to deal with the real adult world.
This saturday while we were doing our usual dinner and fun night with our friend group which includes my husband Dansen (30M), my cousins Georgette and her older bother Jerry (32M), and two other dudes Kramer (30M) and Elliot (30M) (6 in total).
We all grew up together, went to the same schools and such and funny enough we all still live in the same neighborhood/area but in different appartment complexes and townhomes. That night we were at my Townhome. The men in our group were watching Seinfeld (this is important) and eating pizza, while Georgette and I got into the conversation of her weekly woes. She was complaining loudly and kept interrupting everytime I tried to speak.
Now mind you I am not a patient person, however with Georgette I usually bottle my opinions on her woes and keep my mouth shut, because 1. I don't want to offend her and 2. She is family. I'm not her mom to be telling her what to do, I know.
Despite the rant coming up, she is family, we've been through thick and thin, and I know I'm an arse for blowing up at her and ranting about her life. But something about this week, the stress, her attitude and I-don't-know-what-else-made-me-blow-up. Maybe I was overstimulated because it was loud and I was tired, maybe I just needed to unload on something, I don't know but this is what happened.
In the middle of Goergette complaining about how people look down on her, "the poor nerd" and "The little guy", her parents, her relationships, I snapped. It felt like a tea kettle building up steam until it shouts. So of course I shouted "Will you just Shut up?! I don't want to hear you complaining about your life right now, literally all the problems in your life are your own damn fault! You are just an incompetent loser of a child who thinks the world owes her something because "reasons!" First of all - "
I basically pointed out, complaint by complaint in a rant on how everything is her own fault. Forgive the paragraph of word vomit. The points here are her complaints and my thoughts on the matter, the things in parenthesis are things that I shouted in the middle of my ranting. Yes it was recorded. No I'm not sharing. I'm just writing what I said and screaming into a void.

1. She is sad and lonely because she's single after a 2 year relationship and she misses her ex, terribly. (First of all, that is YOUR fault. GIRL you literally broke up with your boyfriend because YOU, yes, YOU wanted to save face. Becase YOU are so insecure you thought his own sister was a random girl who was trying to "steal" him away from you. That "Oh he likes that ugly girl who is prettier than me, look at the way he hugs her" and "who does he think he is" and that he "looks down on me cuz I'm short and brown". He doesn't by the way, he was willing to stay with you despite all your faults, he genuinly liked you and you dumped him because you cant stand being wrong, but noooooo "he's so booooring. commitment is so boooring, i can't do anything wah wah. You kept being weird with your sister!" and now all of a sudden 2 weeks after breaking up, now that hes gone he's suuuuddenly the "lOvE oF mY LiFe" and the "oNe tHaT gOt aWay! I mEssEd Up sO bAd!! WAH!" baby girl, whose fault is that? You left him! That was your own Damn Fault!! Who the hell wants to date a girl let alone be in a relationship with someone that dumb?)
2. How no men will date her and how all men are trash. ( No one wants you because you are trash! Your attitude is trash! Your personality is trash! Men can't handle me because "I'm a 10", girl you aint a 10. You are an arrogant insecure egotistical maniac who thinks shes a 10 when in reality you're a 3 at best - You literally complain that no one wants you when you literally lie and shoot yourself in the foot. "It's because I'm a nerd!" No, it's because you are an ass, "If they don't like me at my best" is bull crap. They should love me for me, is bull crap, you are all the reasons why no one wants you and you always give way less than the other persons best. You are never at your best, your best is the worst possible thing. You complain to your partner "I'm extroverted I need attention and sunlight" but then when they want to take you out you whine that you wanna stay home and order take out. What the hell is your idea of a good time? Eating nachos in your underwear while watching Bridgerton? Whining about how other people are fake for posting their vacations on facebook? You want people to see that you are "successful" online but then bitch when people know that you are a actually a shut in with bad money. You tell people you are a teacher with a princeton diploma to impress them and then whenthat bites you in the ass, you are too embarrased to admit you are an in debt college dr out part time worker influencer wannabe who still lives with her Mommy and Daddy. So then you start blame to make yourself feel better. You feel entitled to everything because you blame everything. Blame, blame, blame. I can start a whole communist party parade with all the red flags you have. It's not like your the problem, it's not like you make your own problems, you are absolutely perfect and fine just the way you are! The world owes you something because you are Georgette Middlename NolastName. The perfect princess! You're not. You're just a spoilt brat who gets a scott free ride because your parents are too afraid to admit they are failures who didn't raise you right. You don't deserve the amount of praise people give you.)
3. How she can't lose weight even though she is "trying". No she is not trying, she weighs 375lbs and is gaining more weight. (Whos god damn fault is thaAAAAAAAAAT?? Not that there is anything wrong with being plus sized or overweight - Shit who am I to talk, I'm plus sized. Although my BMI - Which has been proven to be BS by the way says I'm "obese" I still make an effort to be healthy! I dont care if people think I'm fat, I like my size and my body. So does my husband. At least I'm not pretending to lose weight and be healthy while shoving a chocolate cake shake in my mouth! There is a huge difference between being body positive or health concious vs someone constantly saying "I'm going to acheive this goal" without actually taking any steps to acheive that goal and making the situation worse. It's like an alcoholic saying "I'm trying to quit drinking" while they are downing tequila shots. No - Girl you aint trying. Not even close. You've been paying for an LA Fitness gym membership for over a year and you never go because you are too tired, you want to play games or do a make up totorial that you never going to post. Working out makes you sweaty and uncomfortable and doesn't " actually help you lose weight, it's all in the food". COME ON. You don't even try to eat healthy because healthy food tastes yucky and you only like good tasting things like Burgerking. Really? You pay for a food subcription that you dont eat because it's too salty, too spicy or it doesn't taste good and then buy fastfood and then complain that you don't lose weight and how your stomach hurts? GEE I wonder WHY?! YOu have Gastrointeritis and you're eating BURGERKING???)
4. How she complains she has a dead end job and how she almost got fired for sleeping at her desk and how her boss is a jerk for daring to ask her to do her job ( Well DUH, IT'S YOUR JOB! How have you not been fired yet? Your Boss caught you sleeping on the JOB! It's bad enough you dont even do it well, you say it's dead end because you are too lazy to do anything else or put in an effort. You didn't even get that job yourself dude, I got you that job as a favor to your Mom. "Oh Susie, please get a spot at your job she needs it!" Sheesh! You didn't even have to do an interview, how does that even work? It's insane that I moved on and you've been doing the same Job stupid job for 5 freaking years. You went to college and flunked out because "I want to be an entrepreneur influencer" or whatever but havent done anything productive in ALL that time. You work as a Printer and mailroom lady at a public school PART TIME. It is NOT that hard! you literally spend hours on your phone and watch netflix all day! YOU GET PAID TO SIT ON YOUR BUTT! AND YOU'RE COMPLAINING?! What is wrong with you? You literally get the summer off and you call in sick for the stupidest reasons! You literally have time to get platnum on overwatch but cant take classes or get a certificate to get a better job because it's too hard, you're tire and you have no time? Really? Maybe if you didn't play Leage until 3 in the god damn morning you wouldn't be so tired all day and appreciate how spoiled, privalaged and ungreatful you are! I would kill to have the amount of support and time you have!).
5. How she doesn't have money. ( YOU complain that you dont have the money to do any fun stuff, fix your car and pay "rent" which you never pay because NEWSFLASH you live with your mom. BUT you spend 300 dollars to do your NAILS and you're broke? You are constantly buying 50 dollar "brand name " make up and clothes for your failing influencer streams and posts, "I'm soooooo broke!!!" You buy 20 dollar character skins on Overwatch for characters you dont even play. You spend 250 a week on take out and because even though you know how to cook and pay for a food subcription, all that food tastes yucky or you don't want to use your moms kitchen cuz she complains when you dont clean up. And you have the audacity to complain? To ask me to buy you stuff and spot you? Like seriously? Aren't you "saving" to move out? You contstantly tell us and brag about how you're moving out and going to be a successful small business owner, but then you spend a bajillion on stupid shit. I know you're getting that money from somewhere and you are in debt. But hot cock on a rock, you are financially and literally irresponsible and you can't see it because either you are an idiot or you know it and think it will just go away. It wont.)
6. How the button on her shorts broke and how dumb it is that she spent so much money on a "BRAND" name item only for the button to break because it is cheaply made. (BRUH YOU BOUGHT IT OFF SHEIN!!! That crap aint Chanel! That stuff isn't Gucci or some other stupid bougee brand! No wonder it sucks and comes apart after two washes! The only reason you bought it is because some rando told you to buy it on TikTok and "iT wAs A DeAl!!" You get that crap a size too small and then are surprised when the seams rip! Gee! I wonder why miss "I'm working out!" )
7. How her Instagram/TikTok and Twitch have barely any views and her Influencer life style is not working out. (BRUH you don't post anything of value, it's a saturated market and when you do post, you don't make an effort to edit or even post or stream at a time that people are willing to watch you. you play obscure games that no one knows about or games that are overplayed by better streamers and influencers. You do make up tutorials, without actually knowing or researching explaining what you are doing or putting on your face. No wonder no one watches you. You obviously arent even trying. You are not going to go viral or make it up there if you are not willing to actually try to do something of value. People are not going to just watch you because you are a girl and have tits.)
8. Her parents being unsupportive. (Your Parents aren't supportive? HOW? you're 27 and living with your parents. Those two idiots love the absolute shit out of you and you don't even know it. You get free housing. They paid for your college and they paid for your car. You don't even pay utilities. They pay for your phone. How are they not supporting you? They even brag about how "our princess is an influencer" and act so proud when you can't keep any followers, keep a man, pass a class or get a decent job. How are they not supporting you?)
9. How she is the victim in life and she is so unlucky. This was the last complaint that made me snap and start this whole tirade. ( You are all the things that are wrong with you and you cause all the problems in your life. You are the girl who peaked in highschool and just thought the rest of the world would cater to you. I don't know how, but your ass is going to be handed to you one day and I'm not going to be there to help you. You have no one to blame but yourself. You are extremely lucky and you don't even know it. I'm sorry for yelling at you and saying all this shit but I am so tired of listening to you complain and act as if nothing in your life has ever been your fault. You are the problem. And I don't think I can handle being around you right now.)

Now before I continue, let me just say. I have nothing against Jason Alexander. Hes a great actor who is severely underrated but I absolutely hate his character from that show. From the whining to the tantrums and relationship problems. I despise George Constanza.
And Georgette is exactly like him and HOLY ITALIAN CANOLI. I can only take so much. In mannerisms, attitude, and sircumstance. She is the female George. Maybe that's why I blew up like that. Who knows. Anyway....
Then it happened.
This entire ordeal felt like watching a car crash -you know how everything will end up, but you cant do anything but watch as the disaster happens and either cringe or look in awe.
At the end of my rant, when the room is quiet and all you can hear is the TV and the sitcom laughter, my Cousin, Georgettes older brother Jerry -bless his stupid heart- suddenly started laughing and said that I was right about it all, Georgette created her own problems and always had an excuse FOR EVERYTHING, of course, we all start arguing. She gives more excuses. We argue some more. There is name calling. And we start taking sides, in the middle of our arguing Georgette screams, Loud and says... "NO NO! Its not my fault! I'm the victem here!! You're just being mean!! ... I'm getting upset!! AHHH!!!" while flailing her arms and stomping her feet like a toddler. And of course there was a pause.
In that second the mentioned character from the show, which was still playing on the TV, shouted loudly "George is getting upset!! AHHHHH!!!" que the bass playing.
Everyone lost it.
The boys of course all started laughing, I started laughing. Georgette not amused starts shouting how it's not funny. "I'm the victem here!" Starts crying and tells us all to "Go to hell." Then runs out the door, fumbles, trips, gets up and shuffles way towards the park and to her Parents apartment gesticulating and yelling the entire way.
I feel bad, but at the same time it feels good to have let all that out.
Even now I feel releif writing this out. I don't care. I'm so done with this life.
Her mom, Estelle, of couse called me and I let everything out on her too - In the end she got quiet and just hung up.
I feel like Quagmire at the end of his "why I don't like you Brian" speech. I said my peace. I know I'm an ass and I think I'm ok with not dealing with my cousin any more.
I don't think I've even cared about her.
I don't think I even want to see her right now. Or ever.
I love her. But do I actually love her or is it because she's always been here and shes family? Have I always been carrying this? I don't know. Maybe I want people to know how I really feel and am hoping this reaches her in some way as a cathartic fuck you. I don't know. I'll talk to a therapist about that on Monday.
Babydoll, if you see this. Get your Shit Together. I'm done. I don't regret doing this. I hope you get better and succeed. I really do. But I Love you and I hate you. I hate that you do nothing to improve yourself and I hate that I'm your Emotional Support Animal. I'm not responsible for you. And it's not my fault that you feel shitty. We may be family, but that doesn't give you the right to make me feel shitty and for your to invide my home with your constant complaining. I'm not a sith. I can't live with negativity and darkness for all my life. You need to be better. And I hope one day we both can be better. But for now. Good Bye.
I'm Done.
If you've made it this far or if this still exists by the time anyone gets to this paragraph, congratulations for letting me scream into the reddit void for 300 hours.
Peace.

(You can also find this work here, along with the previous parts here.)
​
Fritz was in a room, his eyes closed. His sunburn skin had healed, and he had a new Ironblood officer’s uniform on him.
However, he was comatose.
A combination of sodium poisoning, sun exposure, dehydration, and starvation all worked together to place him in a coma. A pink-sliver-haired woman was hard at work looking over him.
“Vestal! You’re needed at the meeting!”
Vestal stopped tending to Fritz. She looked at him and sighed as she wrote on a piece of paper.
“Subject is stable. However, it is unknown if the subject will ever regain consciousness.”
Vestal nodded and made her way to the meeting. She saw Prince of Wales, Queen Elizabeth, and Warspite. Prince of Wales smiled.
“I suppose we shall start this meeting.”
The other shipgirls nodded. Queen Elizabeth and Prince of Wales looked at the papers they had in front of them. Warspite smiled.
“First, how are our guests?”
Prince of Wales sighed.
“The pilot has so far been a bust. We are thinking of sending him to a regular Prisoner of War camp. The submariner has so far been in a coma. We believe he has a substantial amount of information about the internal workings of the Ironblood.”
Queen Elizabeth nodded.
“You said King George V found two folders on the two men when she found them on the raft?”
Prince of Wales nodded.
“Indeed. My sister found two folders. One on each man. We now have confirmation of the Ironblood and the Sakura Empire conducting joint operations in both the Indian and Pacific Oceans.”
“Are they a threat to us?”
Prince of Wales shook her head.
“No. The Monsun Gruppe, as they are called, have been suffering heavy casualties from the sirens.”
Queen Elizabeth smiled.
"How are you holding up, Wales?"
Prince of Wales smiled as she rubbed her belly. Her pregnancy was showing under her shirt.
"I've been doing well. Vestal told me I am currently five months pregnant, and Caleb and I's child will be a boy."
Queen Elizabeth closed her eyes as she smiled and giggled.
"That is good to hear. I made sure to place you here as soon as you found out you were expecting.
Prince of Wales sighed.
"It's certainly safer than combat duty, but it does get boring around here.
Queen Elizabeth nodded.
"Understood. I'll be sure to find this place more entertainment."
Queen Elizabeth looked at Vestal with a serious look on her face.
“How about the submariner, Vestal? Any updates on him?”
Vestal sighed. “Your majesty, you can call him by his name. He is not a cursed idol.”
Queen Elizabeth rolled her eyes.
“Alright. How is Fritz doing?”
Vestal closed her eyes.
“He is stable, but he is still not yet out of the coma. I do not know when he will wake.”
“You all remember the cover story, correct?”
Warspite nodded.
“Yes. This place is the manor of a wealthy industrialist. Fritz ended up here as the Ironblood pulled some strings and placed him here rather than in a Prisoner of War Camp.”
Prince of Wales nodded.
“That is an excellent cover, but I doubt he will believe it for long.”
Queen Elizabeth closed her eyes and nodded.
“What should we do if the cover story fails?”
Prince of Wales chuckled.
“Then we reveal the ace in the hole and tell him the truth, along with our plans for him.”
Queen Elizabeth nodded. She turned her head to the man in the room.
“Petty Officer Stevenson, your thoughts?”
The Petty Officer looked at the table and sighed.
"Your majesty. You can just call me Petty Officer."
Queen Elizabeth nodded.
"Very well. What are your thoughts on this, Petty Officer?"
The Petty Officer sighed as he closed his eyes. “This feels wrong.”
King George V and Ark Royal joined the meeting. Ark Royal waved at Prince of Wales and Queen Elizabeth and smiled at them.
“Sorry if we're late.”
Queen Elizabeth nodded. “You are not. I’ll catch you guys up to speed.”
After updating King George V and Ark Royal, they continued the meeting.
“I know what we are asking of Fritz is a long shot, but it is the only shot we have.”
The Petty Officer nodded. “Well, that just about finishes this meeting. I’ll be in the garden with Belfast.”
Queen Elizabeth nodded, and the group left. Vestal walked to the room Fritz was staying in. He was out cold. She smiled slightly.
“Come on, Let’s get you some sun. It will be good for you.”
She lifted him and placed him in a wheelchair. She pushed him to the garden.
The warm sun hit Fritz’s skin. He was still in his Ironblood U-boat captain's uniform. The trimmed brown hair under his white U-boat captain’s hat shined slightly. She pushed him around, with hedges providing a bit of shade. Belfast was there with the Petty Officer.
Vestal pushed Fritz up to the table. Belfast smiled at her.
“Good afternoon Vestal. I see you brought Fritz with you.”
She served the Petty Officer some tea. The hot brown liquid filled the white teacup.
Vestal sat down in a chair next to Fritz. Belfast smiled at her.
“Would you like some tea, Dr. Vestal?”
Vestal smiled. “Sure.”
Belfast nodded as she served Vestal some tea. She poured it into a teacup for her.
“Thank you, Belfast.”
Belfast nodded as Vestal drank her tea. When she saw what she saw next, she nearly spat out her tea.
It was Fritz. His eyes were wide open. Vestal gulped her tea and sprang into action.
“Mr. Decke, can you hear me? Blink one for yes, twice for no.”
Fritz blinked once. Vestal smiled.
“Good. At least you still have your sense of hearing. I take it you are awake?”
Fritz tried to speak, but all he could do was open his mouth. Vestal sighed.
“Take it easy. You are safe. Your vocal cords still need time to recover from your coma.”
Fritz sighed. He couldn’t move his arms. He was having trouble even moving his head.
“You want to go back inside?”
Fritz blinked once and tried to nod.
Vestal nodded and pushed Fritz back into his room. She smiled as she placed him on his bed.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be right back.”
Fritz watched as she ran down the hall. Vestal made her way to Prince of Wales’s office. She was busy going through paperwork. Vestal greeted her with a smile.
“Wales, it’s Fritz. He’s awake.”
Prince of Wales smiled. “Good. Is he responding to questions?”
Vestal nodded. “Yes. So far, his vocal cords are not active. However, he is responding to both questions and stimuli. He can respond to yes or no questions by blinking.”
Prince of Wales nodded. “Excellent! Once he regains the ability to speak, we can start our plan for him.”
A week later, Fritz was in his hospital bed. Vestal was looking over him, moving his arms and legs. Fritz grimaced as Vestal sighed.
“I know it hurts, but the more I do this, the sooner you’ll be able to walk.”
Vestal stopped moving his arms and legs and grabbed a pen. She wrote on a piece of paper.
“Fritz has already regained the power to move his arms and upper body, but his legs and lower body are still inactive.”
Vestal was about to leave when she heard a weak voice talk to her.
“Hey. Can you help me shave?”
Vestal turned around.
“Fritz, was that you?”
Fritz nodded. Vestal smiled.
“Of course!”
Vestal left the room, and Fritz sat up in his bed. He lifted his legs, one after the other, and propped himself up using the bed.
“Only one way to get moving.” He thought to himself.
He fell to the floor with a thud. He sighed.
“Of course. I still can’t walk.” he thought to himself.
Fritz rolled over on his back with some effort and looked around. He saw a wheelchair and dragged himself toward it. He dragged himself into the wheelchair.
Vestal came back with a bowl of hot water, a razor, and some shaving cream. She gasped.
“How are you in the wheelchair already?”
Fritz smirked. “I dragged myself to it.”
Vestal smiled at Fritz. “You ready to get started?”
Fritz nodded.
Vestal shaved Fritz’s beard. He smiled.
“Thank you. I was getting sick and tired of the beard around my face.”
Vestal nodded. “Mr. Decke, you want to go outside?”
Fritz nodded. “I can move the wheelchair by myself.”
The two made it to the garden. Belfast was there, along with Prince of Wales and the Petty Officer.
Fritz looked at the uniforms, and his eyes went wide. Prince of Wales’s eyes went wide as Fritz stared at her.
“Belfast, Vestal, Petty Officer, May you all please leave? Mr. Decke and I have something to discuss.”
The three nodded and left, leaving only Fritz and Prince of Wales.
“I suppose you have caught on to the fact that you are a prisoner of war of the Royal Navy?”
Fritz nodded.
“I had a feeling I was. I can tell by the accents and the uniforms.”
Fritz cleared his throat.
“Where is Werner? He was the man I was with.”
Prince of Wales smiled.
“Don’t worry. He is alright. He is currently in a Prisoner of War camp in Royal Navy territory.”
Fritz breathed a sigh of relief.
“How did you guys find me?”
“We found both you and Werner floating on a wooden pallet. Both of you were near death when my sister and Javelin found you.”
Prince of Wales’s smile faded as she sat in a chair.
“I have a proposition for you, Mr. Decke. I want you to help the Royal Navy.”
Fritz scoffed. “Forget it. I am not betraying the Ironblood.”
Prince of Wales got up and got behind Fritz. She pushed the wheelchair inside the manor.
“I figured you would say that. That’s why we got some leverage.”
Fritz raised an eyebrow.
“Where are you taking me?”
“To the medical wing. You’ll see why soon.”
Prince of Wales opened a door and pushed Fritz through. What he saw shook him to his core.
It was Tirpitz. She was asleep in a hospital bed. Her middle was larger and rounder.
“Why is Tirpitz doing here? What are you doing to her?”
Prince of Wales smirked. “Relax Fritz. You don’t want to wake up your wife now, do you?”
Fritz sighed. Prince of Wales closed her eyes.
“Now, do you want to hear an explanation for everything?”
Fritz sighed. “Alright. Lay it on me.”
Prince of Wales nodded.
“We found Tirpitz in the North Sea. From what our spies gathered, she violated direct orders from Bismarck to not engage in combat duties to fight the sirens. We found her unconscious, and we brought her here.”
“Is she alright? Is the baby alright?”
Prince of Wales placed her hand on Fritz’s shoulder.
“Yes. Tirpitz and the baby are alright. She is due for an appointment with Vestal today, which is why I bought you here. She is currently six months pregnant.”
Fritz’s eyes went wide.
“I have been out for two months?”
Prince of Wales nodded. “Yes. It is August. You were out for two months. We found Tirpitz two months ago, and we have been moving her from place to place to make it hard for the Ironblood to take her back.”
Fritz and Prince of Wales froze as Tirpitz moaned as she rubbed her belly. Prince of Wales looked at Fritz.
“Mr. Decke, I want you to go back to the Ironblood with Tirpitz and try to convince Bismarck to sign a peace treaty with Azur Lane, to join us in the war against the sirens.”
Fritz sighed. “That sounds like a risky proposition.”
Prince of Wales left the room, and Vestal came in with an ultrasound machine. Tirpitz opened her eyes to see her husband. Her eyes went wide.
“Fritz?”
Fritz smiled and held her hand.
“Yes. It's me.”
Tirpitz felt tears go down her face as she embraced her husband. Fritz smiled.
“Relax. Vestal is here to check on the baby.”
Tirpitz nodded as Vestal turned on the ultrasound.
“I’m warning you now, Mrs. Decke, the gel is cold.”
Tirpitz chuckled.
“Don’t worry. I’m used to the cold.”
Vestal applied the gel. Tirpitz shivered as Vestal applied the gel.
Vestal moved the wand of the ultrasound on Tirpitz’s belly.
“Alright Mrs. Decke, we are going to find out if you are having a boy or a girl. I just have to get a good view of the baby.”
Vestal moved the wand as she sighed. “So far nothing.”
The screen of the ultrasound machine suddenly had a good view of the baby’s bottom.
Vestal and Tirpitz’s eyes went wide as they blushed. Fritz laughed. They could see a small thing dangling under the baby’s bottom. Vestal’s eyes went wide as she giggled.
“Well, it appears you are having a son, Mr. and Mrs. Decke.”
Fritz chuckled.
“That’s my boy. Mein kleiner Moritz.”
Fritz continued to laugh. Tirpitz smiled.
“I can’t wait to meet you, Moritz.”
Vestal continued the ultrasound. She smiled after she was done.
“Well, Mr. and Mrs. Decke, Congratulations. You have a healthy baby boy that is due in early January.”
Fritz and Tirpitz smiled as they looked at each other. Vestal pressed a button and printed out some photos for Fritz and Tirpitz to have.
Vestal cleaned up Tirpitz’s belly and left the small room. Prince of Wales reentered the room.
“I heard the good news from Vestal. Congratulations Tirpitz.”
Tirpitz smiled. “Where would I be staying?”
Prince of Wales smiled. “You will stay in Fritz’s room. It’s only natural for a husband and wife to sleep together.”
Tirpitz nodded as she got out of bed. She and her husband made their way to their room.
Tirpitz helped Fritz to bed as he lay down next to her. Fritz placed a hand on Tirpitz’s belly, feeling Moritz kick against his palm.
“It’s hard to believe that in a few months, we are going to be parents.”
Tirpitz smiled.
“Fritz. I have to tell you something important.”
Fritz nodded. “Go ahead.”
“When I received news that you were killed in action, I could not believe it. I was a wreck. Despite my sister’s warnings, I went on a combat mission. came across a couple of sirens, and they were having a meeting.”
Tirpitz froze as she sighed.
“I saw Friedrich Der Große with them. Before I could investigate further, they spotted me and knocked me out. Duke of York and Hood found me. They brought me here a week ago.”
Fritz’s eyes went wide.
“Friedrich Der Große? What would she be doing with the sirens?”
Tirpitz sighed. “I don’t know. The only thing I care about now is making sure you and Moritz are safe.”
Fritz took his hand off Tirpitz’s belly.
“The Royal Navy wants me to go back to the Ironblood with you to talk to Bismarck. The Royal Navy wants to see if she will sign a peace treaty to join Azur Lane.”
Tirpitz nodded. “I figured. I’m guessing you refused, as you did not want to betray the Ironblood?”
Fritz nodded.
“Fritz. I want you to help the Royal Navy.”
Fritz’s eyes went wide.
“Why?! Isn’t that treason against the Ironblood?!”
Tirpitz sighed.
“I want the Ironblood to join Azur Lane. I want my sister to be safe. Most of all, I want a world safe for Moritz to grow up in.”
Fritz sighed as he sat on the bed. “You’re right. I don’t want Moritz to be born in a world where he has to live in fear of the sirens.”
Tirpitz nodded as she sighed. She sat next to him and rubbed her belly.
“My sister Bismarck has not been herself in a few months. From the letters she's been sending me, she’s been acting strange. She’s been vomiting after eating very little, she’s been suffering mood swings, and it has been worrying me.”
Fritz placed a hand on Tirpitz’s shoulder.
“Don’t worry. I’m sure your sister is fine. We should get some sleep.”
Tirpitz yawned and nodded. Soon, the couple was asleep.
Elsewhere in the manor, two women were wearing headphones and smiling.
“Did you get that Yorkie?”
“Loud and clear Sheffie.”
Sheffield smiled. “You were right about one thing.”
Duke of York raised an eyebrow. “What?”
Sheffield smirked. “Bugging the rooms was a great idea.”
Duke of York smirked. “I don’t think they suspect their rooms being bugged.”
Sheffield nodded as she smirked back. “Let’s make sure we keep it this way.”
Duke of York took off her headphones and opened the door.
“I’ll be telling Prince of Wales and Queen Elizabeth the information we received. Please let me know if you hear anything else.”
Sheffield nodded and continued to work.

Lemuria Island Ark
XBOX/Windows10 (PvE) Cluster
Fair Tidings weary Survivor!
Herein on this journey of yours come rest a while on our lovely cluster, Lemuria Island! Here on this magnificent spit of dirt we have all you could ever need for your ARK adventure. A cluster filled with wonderful times, friends, creatures and experiences. Rates that feel like a boosted event all the time without the wretched lag of official.
Come take a gander at our stats!
Taming - 9x
Harvest - 6x
Egg Hatch - 15x
Experience - 5x
Maturation - 45x
Fishing Loot - 2x
Tame Limit - 150
Player Max Level - 125
Max Tribe Limit - 10 players
Wild Dino Max Level - 300 - Tek 360 - Wyvern 380
We even have every map making us a full cluster as well as 2 Event maps.
Fjordur - 16 slots
Gen 2 - 16 slots
Ragnarok - 16 slots
Aberration - 10 slots
Crystal Isles - 16 slots
Valguero - 10 slots
Extinction - 16 slots
Gen 1 - 10 slots
Scorched Earth - 10 slots
Lost Island - 10 slots
The Center - 10 slots
The Island - 16 slots
Fjordur PvE Event Map - 50 slots
Lost Island PvP Event Map - 32 slots
We even have a few customized mods to our cluster to improve everyone’s experience.
Stack Mods
Custom Drops
Custom Dino Spawns
Infinite Mindwipe
Auto learn all non-tek engrams and TeleporteTransmitter
We even have a starter kit available!!
What are you waiting for!? Come drop by our lovely Island and experience what it has to offer you and your friends! You won’t regret it.
Discord invite link - https://discord.gg/D8a5aNTk2Z

I awoke in the darkest hour of the night, sweating and cold. I felt as though something had just left us there, or perhaps still remained. A cold fear crept along my clammy skin. I looked over to where my talking crow was asleep, nested on the pillows.
Detective Winters was snoring in his own bed. The open window was watching me until I looked up. Then the feeling was gone.
I laid back down. When I slept again I dreamed of the woman I had left behind in my home. It seemed so long ago. I wondered if she was still there. Somehow I knew she was. I suddenly couldn't stop thinking about her. I really didn't like her, yet my instincts told me to worry about her. So I did.
As dawn crept light across the twisted landscape outside the hotel window I thought of her. Then I got up and ate my sandwich out of the fridge and drank some water out of the sink. I left piece of it for Cory and went to brush my teeth.
Detective Winters woke up as his phone was ringing. He listened and said very little. I could tell he was talking to his boss.
"Ready to go?" He asked me as he laid back down.
"I am; are you?" I nodded at his prostration.
"Let's stay and eat." Cory suggested as he fed.
We all shuffled out of the hotel room to the car, Cory flitting from place to place and finally gliding to the car, boldly.
Three crows took the opportunity to scold him from the wire above. He avoided them and looked at me. He said:
"You should know your old home. Or sadness will prevail." Cory told me.
"I know." I took him with me into the car, hugging him gently to me.
"What is it?" Detective Winters asked me with consideration, looking in his rearview mirror at me.
"There is a woman I left behind in my home. I have started worrying about her." I told him the truth.
"I thought you were homeless." He handed me his phone.
"Are you?" I asked him. Sometimes I adopted Cory's mannerisms when dealing with people, not intentionally.
"Touche' Mr. Lord, touche'." Detective Winters went ahead and lit a jacked-up looking rolly: all bent and with bits of tobacco sticking out of it. He opened the car door a crack while we sat there. I dialed the number.
"Isidore?" I said her name when she picked up.
"Christ, Lord! I thought you were gone forever!" She exclaimed. She started saying a bunch of stuff about the house and bills before I said:
"I don't care about the house. I called for you." I said.
"I need you to come back. I can't do this on my own. I know you won't leave me, why are you gone?" Isidore started crying into the phone.
"Isidore, how can you say that? We barely know each other. I invited you in, I didn't think you would stay. That's why I left, because you wouldn't." I explained honestly. I had only just spent a few nights with her and we barely had more than a conversation before that. Then she had just decided she was in love with me and moved in. Not that she had anything to move, she had arrived with her toothbrush and pajamas. I'd thought it cute, until she stayed.
"I know you." Isidore sounded strange.
"Yeah, I know you too. It's not like that. What do you want from me?" I must have sounded different to her than I meant to, for she simply said:
"Just your love."
"I can't just love you." I claimed. I was lying. I fell in love with people all the time. I did actually care for her, I was just being very cowardly about it at the time.
"Then accept my love for you." She negotiated.
"Fine. Is that all? Are you okay?" I asked.
"I am not okay. I literally need you." Her voice was very quiet when she said this. I believed her, even though I did not want to.
"I have to go. I have work to do. I will call you..." I paused as Detective Winters made a gesture of walking fingers and a knock on a door. I hate charades. "I will come see you later."
Then I hung up as she said 'goodbye' and told me she loved me.
"Let's go. She's fine." I shrugged and restored his phone to his hand.
"Her name's Isidore?" Detective Winters chuckled. "That's like calling a girl Charlie. It's kinda cute, I guess."
"She doesn't need a cute name." I promised him.
He ignited the engine and drove us to the scene of murder. Beholding the darkness within the earth filled me with fear and dread. Detective Winters told me over and over that I was going with him into the darkness. I refused to go down there, panic sweeping me in strokes instead. I was suffocating on my own doubt of survival, anticipating such an adventure.
Cory was left behind as he dragged me by handcuff to his wrist into the dizzy and pale threshold. Then by mere candlelight we went amid the cackling specters of the dim. I closed my eyes to see, knowing it is the way in such a place.
I remembered the mirrored veins of the paths above this place. All of them followed the water and it rode the top of the stones. Therefore I knew my way, as surely as I knew the paths that had formed directly above, in the young forests amid the ruined heath. Without the sky, without my bird, without my sight, I was paralyzed by fear of the dark dwellers. There was only one way out and that was forward. In my paralysis I had no control over myself except to know I was fleeing in panic, unable to stop.
I looked down to find the handcuff was free and the light shone from the floor, spinning. With his thumb broken to free his hand, Detective Winters was laying there examining the injury.
"We have to leave." I hissed in terror. I hunched down.
"You ruined my thumb." He snarled back. His eyes rolled and he actually fainted where he lay. I took up the flashlight and used it to bath his body in light. There I left him and continued to escape the place he had brought me.
Upon the kill I stumbled, alone. There the chalk outline remained. Two children. Looked like they were dragged and discarded in a heap. The extension cords all went to one junction and split into the three lanterns that shone in that one room as day. I was in the heart of the labyrinth, I had escaped nothing. The handcuff hung freely and I looked at its shiny surface.
Reflected there in the polish of the cuffs I could see the shape of one of the dark dwellers. It was on the wall and ceiling behind me, watching me from the darkness. I turned and it skittered into a crack in the wall with lightning quickness, its many centipede legs making it look like the animation of a flipbook, its length rippling in the darkness.
I staggered back in mortal mystery. My eyes were wide and I choked on the breath I had exhaled, trying to scream in sheer terror. Then I closed my mouth on my tongue, knowing with reptile swiftness not to make a sound.
For they were all around me.
The ceilings and the corners of the floors and the corridors filled with their monstrous shape. They were more like spiders, or something I cannot even describe. Their movements in the darkness were so quick it was as though they were one shape and then the other as they flailed and flung themselves at blinking speeds through the shadows.
Without the light I would be torn apart as the two victims that were taken before we arrived. I could not breath, knowing I would die in the darkness. One of them put its dark spindly scythe of black chitin into the light for a split second and I saw the urticating hairs bristling, ready to impale me with a thousand needles just by touching me.
I lifted what I thought was a rock, to defend myself. I pulled it free from the edge of the corridor, from under some rags. As I held it up I found a better grip, shifting my fingers into its grooves. The creatures scattered. I was breathing heavily, still gripped by terror.
I had to escape back out of there and I somehow took a step out of the light back the way I had come. Or so I thought. I turned and turned again, feeling my way along with my left hand on the wall. My right hand held the object which now felt light for a stone. My panic had subsided and I had moved without thinking. I was lost in the darkness.
I felt my way along. I kept thinking I could hear the creatures. Then up ahead I saw the light. In the middle of the light stood a policeman, gesturing for me. I stopped and watched. It came closer, the eyes horrible and empty of life. Then as it escaped the light I saw it was merely an illusion. Somehow it could hide what it looked like, refusing to be seen in its entirety. The creature came for me and then I screamed.
It was a flash of scythe-like spider legs by the thousands and its many horrible eyes and its beak-like mandibles. It was coming for me out of the darkness, a silhouette against the lanterns beyond. I was screaming and curling away from it, about to be torn to pieces by it.
Resounding gunblasts flashed brightly and lit up its awfulness. The bullets tore into it, black ichor splashing where its flesh was. Then it fell over, twitching and curling and steaming. It quickly dissolved into a puddle of nightmares.
"What in Hell was that?" Detective Winters was shaking violently and still aiming his gun, even though he had emptied it.
"How should I know, Detective? This is your crime scene." I complained. I was shivering and sweating and knew there were more. "There are more of those things."
"My Lord, are you alive?" Cory called into the hole.
"It's your crow." Detective Winters sighed in awe.
"I know that. How did he get out of your car?" I wondered, distractedly.
"I left my window down, I think." Detective Winters realized; his own mind easily choosing to think of something else.
"You think, or you know?" I demanded, severely stressed. I accepted the flashlight and trembling, he removed my handcuff without reason, while I was holding the light. I tried to hand it back and he gestured for me to wait a second by holding up one finger. He looked at my freed hand without realizing what I was holding.
"Jesus, I just 'think', okay? Sorry." Detective Winters reloaded his weapon and grimaced. It looked very difficult with his ruined thumb.
"My Lord, are you alive?" Cory asked a second time.
That is when we all heard them. I heard them and Detective Winters heard them and Cory heard them. Their voices froze my blood. The damned things were speaking! The penultimate horror I felt was a sweeping and cold knowledge of them. That they could speak and had their own language was fearsome in its perversion. Nothing like that should exist and to give it intelligence was the work of a mad creator. Their language challenged Man's place in Creation, putting something so blasphemous in place of the Will of Man. Such a horror could break my mind with every syllable that they uttered with inhuman mouths. They did not only speak their chittering abomination, for some of them whispered plain English from the darkness as well:
"This is the home. This is the darkness. It belongs rightly. All the food. The flesh is food. This belongs, too, the flesh, the food." They spoke in a unified and horrifying whisper.
"My Lord, you should come out of there. The Folk of the Shaded Places will kill you for trespassing. Then they will eat you." Cory called to me from above.
"I got that!" I shouted back and the sound of my voice stirred the one nearest to us.
"Time to go!" Detective Winters made me go first with the light.
We made our move and instantly it was as though the walls and ceiling had come alive. They were all around us, shifting rapidly, each taking the place of another to avoid the light and the gun. I shone it on them and they fled the beam. Likewise, Detective Winters let them have a taste of his firearm as he shot a bullet into each one that got too close.
Breathing rapidly and wide eyed we emerged to find the rest of the policemen had already departed. Only Detective Winters's car and Cory remained. I had expected some sort of rescue, as though getting out would mean safety. I looked at the object I held: it was a skull.
I turned back and stared into the darkness down there. Cory flitted to my shoulder and said into my ear:
"They will come right on out that hole and snatch you back in if you get too close."
"Thanks." I nodded, my mouth hanging open as I stood in waves of terror. Part of my mind had not escaped. I needed to go back down there and get it real quick. It would only take one second.
"Hang on." Detective Winters curled over and threw up a bunch of thick chunky bile onto a hapless banana slug. He reached down and used a leaf to flick it out of the vomit onto some nearby moss. "Sorry about that."
"Must go now." Cory advised in urgent repetition.
I went and got in the car and watched the horror hole with dreadful apprehension. I set the skull up front on the passenger seat. Then I tried to learn how to breath normally again. I noticed that Detective Winters's driver side window was actually down.
Eventually Detective Winters had managed to light the smoke he had kept behind his ear that entire time. It was sagging with sweat and he took a few unhappy puffs before he flicked it down into the hole. I prayed none of the Folk would come flailing out and entangle him, kicking and screaming, into the dark.
"We are lucky to be alive. If that really happened." Detective Winters decided we both had merely freaked out in the dark down there as we drove away. He held up his dislocated thumb and added: "We couldn't die."
"Death will always happen." Cory objected.
Detective Winters handed me his phone and I put in the address. Then the GPS guided him to my old house as the sun went down. When we pulled up she was waiting, her bags packed. She got into the car.
"I'm coming with you." Isidore told me and Detective Winters. "I won't stay here alone. Oh Lord, I've just got to say it. I just have to tell you."
"Well, not right now, maybe later." I looked out the window, away from her. In my mind I could still see the outline of those creatures. The horrible flash of their bodies. My heart pounded in anxiety, just thinking of them. I had always known of them, knew they existed. I had never, not even in my most dreaded nightmares, dreamed of meeting them.
"Your husband works with me. I am Detective Winters." Detective Winters introduced himself, again holding up his dislocated thumb. Isidore said nothing to him. She had her own ways.
"I am Cory." My crow spoke to her. She did not understand. She said:
"He is so cute!" Isidore told me. Then she wouldn't tolerate me looking away from her. She took my hand and placed it over her belly. I was very surprised to find that so much time had passed already, since I had left. I looked and she was glowing as we drove under dappled streetlights.
"Nine months." I realized.
"I have wanted to tell you for so long!" Isidore smiled.

A multi-level issue here and I don’t even know how to explain it all without a novel. I will TRY to keep it short. I just feel like I am getting zero wins, I leave work happy and come into a home that drags the joy out of me. I used to be a healthy balance of optimistic & realist, feet on the ground kind of guy. Now I find myself quick to anger, short bandwidth at work, and just all around more negative. I am at the end of my rope here and I am miserable. A man shouldn’t seek to be blissfully happy but he should seek to not be miserable.
I’m 36 (M), she’s 33 (F). Two SK’s 13 and 12. We have a beautiful son together who is incredible and perfect! But he and I are in a bad situation thanks to some poor decisions I’ve made. Or maybe I got duped I don’t know.
Met in Feb 2020, Married Nov 2021. I’ve always been picky and never met anyone good. She checked all the boxes. Aligned values, health, humor, she has hobbies, she had work ethic, wasn’t self obsessed, etc. She looked at me and listened to me like no one ever had. We’re both fit and she is gorgeous. It all felt right and great!
Didn’t meet her kids for 4 months, was weary about it but we felt like such a great match for each other that I wanted to try. The time spent with them of course was sparse since she usually came to spend time with me when they were at their bio dads. They were respectful and well behaved, very fun, when the time was spent. Anytime I went to their house it was spotless clean. Before we got married there were some red flags I chose to justify…she bit my head off a few times for stupid things. Kids were bad. Just some subtle clues. It’s hard to gauge the reality in those moments.
We get pregnant Feb 2022, planned. Things are still alright but this was the month some of the truth started coming out, honeymoon phase ends too soon. Kids become extremely messy, do the opposite of what their told, hyper desperate attempts for attention, interrupting, breaking things around the house, sneaking food not for them in their room, just suddenly all at once changing. This is BEFORE they found out we were pregnant (we waited 3 months to tell them which would be late April 2022). So I started worrying what was ahead but remained optimistic.
I make a very good amount of money, 7 figures some years. Which I never really brought up in a bragging manner, this wasn’t a sugar mama situation. I had a beautiful loft and nice things, but I don’t think any of them know the extent of the work I’ve accomplished. I own 2 e-commerce businesses and as of the last few years buy / sell commercial real estate. Her kids started asking for more and more things, demanding, expecting. Pitching fits when they don’t get them (I have to assume their dad is in their ear on some of this…). I bought us a beautiful home to live in…they weren’t living large when I met them.
Bio dad was invisible until March 2022 (she left him btw). The oldest brought us all these issues that were going on at her dads, which my wife reacted to by calling him and shouting (which seemed justified at the time). It started a complete war, he was constantly changing the rules and just creating chaos. Met a woman from Iraq who lived here for 20+ years but wanted to bring them to Iraq for their wedding. Ended up in court again. I PAID FOR IT ALL BECAUSE I WAS PRESSURED AND HAD NO CHOICE. She / we lost and they went to Iraq. They came back fine but all that damage was done. And then entire year of 2022, when it’s supposed to be a beautiful time of my first child, most days its 30-50% about the bio dad and all the conflict and chaos. That pure time was taken from me, from us. I don’t want to be selfish but I feel I am in last place.
TURNS OUT SD12 lied about everything that he was doing toxic or bad she got an iPhone on her bday and we read her texts where it all caved in. We confronted she admitted. Fast forward now we learned she is a compulsive liar and almost everything she says or does is a lie in effect. She is matching all the traits for antisocial personality disorder. She made up a SLEW of things about me (saying I screamed at her and verbally abuse her) to her dad and my mother in law. ALL untrue but it’s given me even more battles and riffs for my wife and I, her parents treat me differently now. Bio dad never mentioned it…I have to wonder if he knows it’s untrue and just rolls his eyes.
SD11 is a whole mess. I am not exaggerating the only things she speaks are bragging, whining, or being MEAN as hell…almost always interrupting and won’t stop talking even if she’s being fussed at for it. EVERYTHING she does is for attention even negative. She falls on purpose, she breaks things on purpose, she is ALWAYS sick, always coughing, she laughs overly hard at things that aren’t funny (no she’s not autistic). Even when you give her tons of attention for two weeks the well just gets deeper and then she needs MORE. It’s like a drug to her, completely untamable situation. She’s also very overweight, and knows how to get away with over eating. Yes it’s sad she’s doing it but I have no control so now I am venting on reddit about it. She eats very slow and gets 2nds 3rds 4ths over the course of 1.5 hours. She asks for dessert every night, the answer is NO, she asks again 5m later, NO, and the 3rd one another 5m later YES. If the answer continues to be no, she will wait until we’re asleep and sneak it upstairs. I have caught her in the act and told my wife, she blew it off. I counted her calories…she’s 4.5 feet tall and will regularly eat 3,500+ calories then whine all night about her stomach. She shits her pants at school, she does not have a medical condition we checked. Wife is aware and says “poor girl” because she’s very large but will only create solutions temporarily.
Bio dad is a pretty standard charismatic narcissist. Is nice, creates issues but acts like the other person is the irrational one, refuses to see his fault in the matter, doubles down, etc. He has no boundaries and knocked on our door and would walk in. I would have to tell him let’s go back outside. Eventually yelling at him and telling him to never do it again. One time during the Iraq chaos I come home to them yelling at each other in the yard and had to run up and tell everyone to shut up. Told my wife to go inside and followed her in. Then he left.
She then started a fight saying I should support her more, no one sees what she’s been through with him, etc etc. I felt like I was just a punching bag for her anger which is fine sometimes. She’d probably apologize later. I just nod and agree, wait some time then hug her…she says “I don’t know what the hell you’re doing…” then we don’t talk for 3 days. Completely stone walled. He says things to get under her skin, and gets the anger and reaction he wants (Narcissistic). When I tell her to approach it differently to get the result she wants, after some back and forth it ends in a fight. She says I don’t support her and I don’t understand what she’s been through and how hard it is.
I start bringing up issues about her kids, or the amount of time spent talking about their bio dad, in a calm and productive manner (I extensively researched how to positively communicate with an emotional wife, and either way was raised with good comm skills). Within minutes it’s “You don’t know shit about raising kids” and “You’re so mean and abusive”. As I try to de-escalate she finds anything and everything to latch onto that’s better…very standard crap like “OH so I’m derailing now…NO YOU’RE JUST NOT GETTING IT”.
No matter how big or how small the issue is, it turns into a massive blow out, she pulls out the most hurtful big guns she can think of. Issue is never resolved or communicated. I am stonewalled for 1 to 7 days. I never lose my cool and always think about the things I am going to say. It’s literally impossible to put my foot down calmly, irrationally, sweetly, anything. Because no matter what she plays mental gymnastics and as I am trying to de-escalate and get back on topic, while taking pretty hurtful blows, a door will be slammed and it’s all over. She finds a way to blame me and move on.
For the record I never bring up my money contribution to the matter, she quit work a few months before having our son, and hasn’t worked since. Which I prefer because she doesn’t have to and being a mom is a full time job and she has many side hustles on Etsy to keep her true to herself and centered (or so I think). This means I pay for A LOT of the SK’s stuff and with my situation the last 2 years I am really beginning to resent EVERYONE involved. I get no thanks, no appreciation. In fact during fights, despite never bringing up money, which has been a MASSIVE value adder for all of their lives, my wife tells me she doesn’t need any of it and it means nothing to her. WELL YOU ALL REALLY APPRECIATE THE SPOILS OF IT ALL. Even though I worked 12-14 hour days for 10 years to get where I am at, no handouts, it’s all devalued as a contribution to the marriage and written off. Sad.
After being stonewalled she will eventually hug me and say I don’t want to fight with you, I love you. And I will say me either, we don’t have to, I just want to work this out and we’ll be happier for it. I get either “I love you, I would never cause you problems or hurt you!” Or “I just want to enjoy our night / weekend whatever time it is together.” It’s never the right time. A lot of avoidance or kicking the can down the road. Then she is really sweet and great for 3-4 weeks, then it slowly goes back to biting my head off and getting a tone. I stay silent to keep the peace for a few weeks then I can’t take it anymore so I stand up for myself and stand my ground. Same thing happens over again.
Oh we went on a great lavish vacation early 2022, after the first one that was a nightmare…I was pressured into one more. And then I said no more for 3 years. Which turned into a massive MASSIVE fight with her telling me to move out at the end, then after a few days trying to act like that didn’t happen. Now I am being pressured into buying a new home since we outgrew ours.
So I am dealing with a marriage of very poor communication, AND I have the LEAST interesting kids ever (sorry but its true), they have zero skills, cannot have a conversation to save their life (all they do is ask me how my day was and when I answer with a sentence or more they just stare at me), no manners, no obedience, but they both act so sweet and cordial when I enter the home, and they immediately say sorry when we get onto them, but then they go right back to doing it. They lie, they fake things for attention, they can’t even walk behind us without bumping into us. Some of these things you’d expect from a 5 or 6 year old but now 10+. They are just really showing non pro-social behaviors and even seeing their friends leave them in the dust. And from the moment we had our son, I dislike them more...
My wife’s parenting style is a little reactive at times. She yells at them but doesn’t seem to understand root causes and how to go upstream to solve. She expects greatness but doesn’t know how to put in the time (their dad is a bigger issue). Her mom was really mean and toxic toward her growing up so with that it’s she really understand how to give and accept love or communicate calmly. Wife says all the time she doesn’t like the two girls, and how bad they are, and how hard she tries but no matter what they're awful. So she sees it. And when I try to make suggestions shes avoidant or it ends up in a fight. She’s an INCREDIBLE super mom to our son though. Which is great…
I realize this group is mostly women, and they will say her behavior is pre or post pregnancy. It’s not...there were watered down / held back situations that happened before all that. I even was considering leaving then we got pregnant. Yes it was planned but you can hold onto hope and have reality slapping you in the face at the same time.
Okay so it was a novel sorry. I am sad to think of leaving the marriage because we have an 8 month old who deserves better than this…I feel like I am putting in so much work into the marriage. I am reading books. I am in therapy myself which I have never done. I look at myself to see if I am the problem. I brought SO MUCH love and yes, financial value, to the relationship. I am getting none of that in return. She is keeping me on the line with temporary conditional love and wild sex that all gives me hope, I have always been above that but here I am. I feel like the root cause of my wife’s problems are solvable in time, but the step kids I dont know if I can do that any longer. It's just a tornado and theres been no growth. Thanks to those who read this much, I know it was chaotic.

CONTEXT: The Iron Hands can simulate any recorded memory of past Iron Hands. This is used for training, intelligence and so on.
Stronos is an Iron Hands Marine. He is often disliked and mistrusted by his comrades due to his reluctance to embrace the mantra of the flesh being weak. Although he has significant augmentations himself, something about the Iron Hands' cold adherence to algorithms in battle and decision making bothers him.
As Stronos continues to question the doctrines and practices of his chapter, he begins to unravel the secrets of the Iron Hands which make the Dark Angels' internal politics look like children's play.
PART 1: THE CONCLAVE: Iron Father Kristos is a controversial, but increasingly powerful figure in the Iron Hands. His rise to power came with his crushing of a WAAAGH, but the specifics of that campaign are simultaneously very controversial & secretive.
His actions were so controversial, a conclave was created by Kristos to represent him to the Iron Council. Despite the controversy he creates, Kristos is incredibly powerful both as an individual and a commander.

“Blessings and benedictions of Mars.’ Velt smiled graciously. ‘Your criticisms are noted and welcomed–’ the scratching of meme-quill on parchment recorded his contrition for the future historians ‘–and I will be improved for the recognition of my prior failings.’
‘See to it,’ Verrox grumbled.
‘I will, Iron Father. As you know, the Iron Council demands the uprising be crushed immediately and utterly. To the last soul. Word of the Iron Hands’ failure to prevent insurrection within their own system limits cannot be allowed to spread. It will draw unwelcome attention at a difficult time, when the conclave of Kristos continues to engender discord within.’
‘I do not care what others think.’
‘What you will not have heard in open council,’ Velt went on, ‘is that Warleader Kristos himself has demanded the Mechanicus resolve this insurrection.’
‘Former warleader,’ said Verrox. ‘The Iron Fathers have chosen not to elevate one of our number to lead. Not since the debacle on Columnus.’
‘Putative,’ Quorus reprimanded the Iron Father. ‘The morality of Iron Father Kristos’ methodology remains in dispute. That is the entire basis of the conclave. He would undoubtedly emphasise that the Weirdwaaagh was crushed with minimal losses.”

So we can glimpse from conversations about him that Kristos is both disliked and respected. Guymer does an excellent job of portraying Kristos as someone worthy of this reputation, but most noteworthy is the mention of the Weirdwaaagh that he crushed.
Why is it so controversial? Stronos does not actively seek out the truth but it is eventually given to him.
PART 2: DISCORD BETWEEN IRON FATHERS: In this section, Stronos is shaken after learning a member of the Raven Guard was able to sneak around him undetected. He goes to the tech priests for a check-up and an upgrade, but encounters Tubriik Ares, an Iron Father and a Dreadnought.

“Is Stronos injured?’
Stronos considered silence, but decided that he could keep nothing from the ancient. ‘I am defective. I seek to rectify that.’
‘How so?’
‘The Raven’s son proved himself my superior. I must improve and adapt.’
‘Improve and adapt.’ Ares’ vocabularisers rumbled with scorn. ‘We recall a time when Iron Hands were less like Kristos and more like Kardan Stronos. They were ruthless, yes, but adaptable, not slaves to calculus.”

The calculus is a complex, algorithmic system that dictates every part of a battle to the Iron Hands. Most Iron Hands will follow the calculus to the letter during a battle, a practice that Stronos himself dislikes but is pushed for very strongly by Kristos and his conclave.
Interestingly, Ares, a Dreadnought and an Iron Father, dislikes the modern Iron Hands' reverence of it.

“The Kristosian question makes all matters subject to doubt,’ Stronos said to Ares, voice low. ‘All will be as it once was once the arguments are resolved.’
Ares turned from the Apothecary to him. His emptiness seemed for a moment… sorrowful. ‘Kardan Stronos speaks of the arguments, but what does he know of the question, for there is only one?’
Stronos made to formulate an answer, only to realise he had none. Often he had railed against the waste of energy that the conclave brought on the Iron Council, but had never found the time to learn for himself what, in effect, it was all for. He shook his head honestly. He had been built to be a war machine. This round voyage to Medusa was the first time since his novitiation that he had not been either in the thick of a warzone or in transit from one to another.”

Ares' sorrow is a noteworthy reaction. A sign that not all Iron Hands condone the actions of Kristos.

“I know little of Kristos beyond his roll of honours,’ said Stronos, stung. ‘I know that he was once considered an exemplar of the Iron Creed.’
‘As it is now interpreted for you, perhaps.’
‘What do you mean by that?’ demanded Haas [the Apothecary working on Stronos].
Ares did not answer directly. ‘It began on Columnus,’ he said.
‘Everyone knows that,’ Haas said, dismissively, then picked up a spoon-headed implement from his medicae trolley and bent towards Stronos.
‘And what happened there to cause such crisis?’ Ares countered.
Stronos couldn’t answer. He looked to Haas. The Apothecary let out a frustrated sigh and said nothing, focusing instead on Stronos’ eye. He had no answer either.”

PART 3: THE CALCULUS: To show him the truth, Ares takes Stronos to the Simulus. With the Simulus, Stronos can experience the memories of anyone at the event - the Simulus uses complex algorithms and calculations to accurately simulate the POV of anyone at a recorded event, even if the perspective of that individual is not recorded in data.
The simulus jumps to the planet Columnus where the Raven Guard and the Iron Hands are fighting an Ork Waaagh together. Stronos sees the events from the perspective of Captain Stenn

“ Stronos canted, and though he was unconscious of his physical body he could somehow feel that he spoke with a strained jaw and through gritted teeth.
He had a bitter, illogical loathing for the descendants of Corax that he could not explain. Having just experienced a small part of Orvid Stenn’s existence, he felt that he should feel greater empathy for his brother Space Marine, but he did not. What he felt was greater ambivalence, as though along with his body he had been dissociated from everything of his own experience that could have made him care. He was not Orvid Stenn, and the dissonant notion arose that he might equally not be Kardan Stronos. He was nobody, and anybody had the potential to be him.
He was simulus – the collective.”

...

“The Raven Guard were spread along the length of the thigh-height rockcrete wall that demarcated the bombed-out lot of haulage depot 764 from the adjoining premises. It wasn’t much, but it was something. With the exception of some minor damage, it had weathered the destruction of the outer defences relatively intact, a credit to the Administratum clerk that had overseen its construction, and ran roughly parallel to where the curtain wall had been until ten minutes before.”

After being driven back by the Orks, the Imperial forces realize that the Waaagh is being led by a warpboss who is granting the orks unnatural bravery and fierceness. The Raven Guard hold the front line alongside mortal troops.

“He had heard in dispatches of the psychic energies that flowed through their Gargants – weapon grids, shields and piercing uncanny augurs – and that brought their lumpen drop ships to ground still. He had heard too of the court of warpheads with which the self-styled warpboss, Zagdakka, surrounded himself, and had lost two squads of his most experienced Scouts in a failed attempt at thinning their “numbers. He saw now with his own eyes the weird energy that flowed through these greenskins in their battle-madness like some manner of psychic connective tissue, the brawn and sinew of some gestalt ork that drove them unto death with a single, overriding will. The fire discipline of the Raven Guard and their mortal allies slaughtered greenskins every minute by the hundred, but they didn’t seem to care, hurling themselves recklessly against the Imperial guns as though possessed.
Not that the blasted Iron Hands would allow for the slightest deviation from their precious calculus. Stenn sneered, his pistol emitting a final hiss as coolant jets sprayed from the weapon’s muzzle and the vents locked. He thumbed off the safety and selected rapid fire.
He could teach the Iron Hands a thing or two about logic.
‘Kristos, you honourless shell, I’m talking to you.’ He raged into the vox as he seared the heaving mass of orks with plasma. Too soon, heat warnings blinked red on the pistol’s side and he was forced to flick back to vent. ‘I need reinforcements and I need them now. Now, Kristos! I want a creeping artillery barrage walking outwards from the outer “wall over the southern highway and I want aeronautica backup. Kristos!”

As the Raven Guard fight tooth and nail, Captain Stenn and the rest of the Raven Guard realize the Iron Hands are standing behind them but not engaging.

“A squad of Iron Hands Centurions, almost as well camouflaged as the Raven Guard themselves in their huge black warsuits and perfect stillness. Their hurricane bolters were unloaded and pointed at the ground or at walls, whichever direction they had happened to be facing when the strange malaise of inaction had taken them. Stenn regarded them with fury. The few Iron Hands he had seen had been that way, ever since the unexpected psychic onslaught had levelled the south wall outright. At first he had wondered if it was a secondary effect of Zagdakka’s powers, but the Raven Guard and their mortal allies were unaffected. Yavid had a replacement eye as well as a bionic arm and he remained functional, as did the crew interfaces of their vehicles. As did the damned skitarii.”

...

“The Centurions moved!
There they were, silent as the blown-out repair shops through which they came, ghosts of the machine bound forever to a doomed cycle of destruction and repair. The firepower of the Centurions alone would have ripped a hole into the ork horde as wide as the gates of the Ravenspire, but six full squads of Tactical Marines also moved up through the rubble behind them. They spread out, taking fire-positions just beyond the chokepoint where Stenn’s efforts held the orks at bay. What were they waiting for? He saw a pair of hellfire Dreadnoughts lumbering into position either side of the smaller Centurions, and then heard the weary collapse of a pockmarked stretch of rockcrete as the glacis plate of a Redeemer pattern Land Raider drove through it. Its sponson flamestorm cannons traversed to track the flows of the ork horde, liquid promethium dribbling to the rubble floor.
Stenn cursed as he punched his lightning claw through a charging ork’s ribs. Never expect an Iron Hand to commit until he was good and ready.”

...

“What are you waiting for?’ He shot an ork in the face as it made to barrel towards Yavid, and found himself in the sights of the nearest Iron Hands squad. They had bolters locked and aimed, but for some reason held their fire. Their eye slits shone an ephemeral white, but they could have been decoy suits for all the urgency they showed. ‘Shoot, curse you!’
A horrible sense of premonition grew under his skin like a worm. Stenn looked over his shoulder and >> RESTRICTED DATA >>”

The simulus is interrupted and Stronos learns from Ares that these events have been hidden from normal viewers. However, the data cannot be falsified even by Iron Fathers so Ares and Stronos continue watching.
We continue watching the Raven Guard struggle against the Warpwaaagh as the Raven Guard line begins to fall. Captain Stenn valiantly holds the line but warp powered orks are chipping away at the Raven Guard. He recognizes that the Iron Hands are holding back because of their calculus, but does not anticipate the final tactic the calculus commands.

“Stenn gave a grunt of pain as psychic fingers tightened around him and squeezed. ‘Damn you >> RESTRICTED DATA >> Just kill me yourself.’ His armour cracked like a sea-crustacean’s shell, blood spurting from ruptured seals as his body was crushed. He screamed, genhanced anatomy fighting a battle with pain that had been stacked well against it from the outset. ‘Emperor forgive you!’
With every scrap of conscious thought locked away in hardened centres of his brain structure he cursed the Iron Hands. He cursed the casual brutality, the bare calculation of risk versus reward. His last thoughts before those final redoubts succumbed to braindeath were not of the pain, nor of his brother Raven Guard that fell to the mind-blasts of the warpboss’ retinue, nor even of the Iron Hands themselves as they finally descended on the fray. With the enemy leaders bottled up with the last of the Raven Guard, the Iron Hands opened fire. Tactical Marines, Centurions, Land Raiders, each warrior a cog in a war machine that sprayed fire to a perfectly choreographed maelstrom that consumed Warpboss Zagdakka, his retinue, the Raven Guard, and Stenn himself.
But he was not thinking about that. He was thinking about Dawnbreak.
Because Iron Hands did not make mistakes.
>>> TERMINATING SIMULUS.”

TL;DR The Raven Guard and Iron Hands are defending against a Warpwaaagh. In the final, climactic battle, the Iron Hands under the command of Kristos and the calculus, determine that the most efficient way to win the battle was to use the RG and IG as human shields, and only fire once the Warpboss was in range. Kristos rises to infamy because of his methods, which resulted in minimal losses for the IH.
In part, this incident is linked to an innate hatred of the Raven Guard that many Iron Hands have. However, as implied when Stronos first enters the Simulus, it's suggested that this hatred has been programmed into the Iron Hands' calculus.
The calculus itself isn't unlike incredibly important algorithms that exist in companies today. Any changes require a collective vote, and the entities that have worked on it include Iron Fathers and important tech priests. This is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of conspiracies. If you want to find out how the Iron Hands are actually way worse than the Dark Angels in terms of secret circles and internal politics, I highly recommend Guymer's books.
Stronos is one of the most complex Space Marine protagonists I've read. He believes in many of the Iron Hands' tenets, yet cannot help but question aspects that the rest of his peers readily accept. It's an interesting look at how the dogmatic attitudes of the Space Marines often prime them for corruption as much as it protects them.