I need to get this off my chest, throwaway account for obvious reasons. (Looong post. Grab some wine and a snack.)
I feel like I've allowed myself to become a doormat and a fool and walked into a trap.
My DH and I have been together now for almost 12 years, got married 4 years ago. We have 1 son, 1 on the way and I am just so ashamed I even let this happen to me.
For starters, my husband and I live with my parents. My husband has a decent job, started his career while I went to college. The plan, or so I thought, was to finish college, he'd have a head start good paying career and we'd move when I graduated. Well, we got married right after I graduated college and that's when covid hit, about 6 months later. I had a small part time job at the time which ultimately I was fired from for downsizing during the covid chaos. This is when I started staying home. He swore up and down and convinced me "our" dream of me being a SAHM was a reality. I wouldn't have to work. It wouldn't effect anything for us bc my income was so incredibly low I didn't contribute financially anyway. Which was 100% true that wasn't a lie.
So, needless to say I didn't find another job and settled into at home life. Which I enjoyed 100%. I loved being in charge of the home. We did live with my parents still, I took on some of their chores and house work too. But the goal was still the same. To leave. The issue then was the market boomed (if you're from the US you know how insane it was) so we pushed back the plan to buy a home which at the time I thought was reasonable considering around the area we needed to live for his job was basically selling run down hoarder houses for no less than 250k. This was 2021.
During 2021 I fell pregnant. At the time I was thrilled despite the living situation. I was under the assumption we wouldn't be here long and tbh a FTM with a newborn, I liked the idea of having the help from my parents. I had my son, he's amazing. I love him and don't regret having him. However, as 2022 started I started pressuring my husband to move out. Get the ball rolling. To his credit he did find an agent, but started talking about how we didn't make enough. (Weird considering his job only got better during this time, housing stabilized a bit, and wtf you said we could do this?) At first I thought it might be cold feet. A newborn, turned infant, scared FTD, we got a lot of help in the early days from my parents. We had it easy to say the least.
I left the topic alone for a little, maybe a couple months and revisited it. He again started claiming we would need 200k in the bank, we would need at least 30k down, we would need this and that and basically saying it will never happen. I combats this argument. I grew up poor. Very poor actually. I'd start saying things like idk how you think my parents help us and helped my sister with her kids when they make significantly less than you do. And even my sister today has 6 kids and is a SAHM with a husband who makes 20-30k less a year. His ideas on how much people need to survive were wild to me. Of course I don't want to live poor, but we wouldn't be anyway. He had gotten a promotion. Unlimited over time whenever and if he wanted it. I was genuinely confused and he ignored my attempts at a realistic conversation about it. And again, WTF YOU SAID WE COULD DO THIS. Not only that but I do not spend money. I find deals, I shop around, etc. Again growing up poor you know how to make a dollar stretch a mile and it's just in me to do this. There is no way we can't make it work for our family. I even have a friend who has a son and her and her husband combined don't make as much as my husband. They are comfortable. Buying new cars, debt free, new cloths, trips etc.
I knew the market wasn't amazing still. I thought maybe it's bc he still sees houses for 250k+ and he just is scared to jump. I spoke to this agent and told her to send us over some houses lower than our initial target price point. There were some pretty decent houses. Cue me sending them over a few months and getting nothing but excuse after excuse. Or "I don't want to live there." Or "yeah but we'd have to renovate this or that" but also coupled with the confusing statement of "we can afford a 200k house why is she sending us these?" So it's turned into a cat and mouse game of. Can we not afford 200k? Or can we? What is going on?!?? When I asked him why he kept doing this flip flopping he used the amazingly dumb excuse of "well you deserve xyz" which is a cop-out in my opinion.
The end of 2022 hit, I started feeling stupid, defeated and worn out. I gave up. I just figured I'd learn to accept ill be the person who lives with their parents forever and my life will be hell with no privacy, nothing to call my own and in early 2023... oops. Pregnant. Again. On the pill. A cruel joke the universe had on me? Idk. I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant.
At this point we live in my parents (admittedly finished and nice) basement, no rooms. No doors. With a crib shoved in a corner for my son. No room to grow with a new baby on the way. My parents are while nice about it very much at their stage of life wanting to not have a bunch of baby things everywhere, so the basement is PACKED im constantly running into things, kicking toys around, I have no room and some how we have to fit another human being down here.
Currently my husband is STILL insisting we can't afford to move. He won't even entertain the idea of it anymore. And to top it all off, our marriage is in shambles. He routinely ignores any of my needs and wants. He constantly has a bad attitude. He is always annoyed, always running from reality and even my parents have noticed, even though I don't say anything about my marriage, how unhelpful, lazy and rude he has been. My mom has even said one night when he working overtime "well it's not like he helps you anyway." If he's home he sits on YouTube or plays video games and I'll be honest, I give up.
I feel like I have exhusted this topic to the point he refuses to engage with it. We barely speak about anything of value and I basically go about my day as If I was a single mom living with my parents and being THEIR live in maid. I feel betrayed. Like he sold me a lie. I feel stupid for even believing him. I feel trapped being unexpectedly pregnant. Idk what to do.
I have set up a therapy session for myself. I'm hoping this helps me just come to terms with everything and figure out my next steps and ultimately, idk. I just feel like I need someone to talk to about it so I signed up for it.
I feel trapped by an over grown toddler of a man who is simply living his best life rent free while his wife is miserable and cries alone at night trying not to wake her child. All bc I was too gullible in believing this man. Believed he'd be a provider. A good daddada great husbsnd. Now left with an embarrassing life and I'm so ashamed I'm bringing another child into this even if i will love them.
If you've made it this far, I appreciate you. Thank you for letting me vent. Idk anymore I feel fucking stupid. It's embarrassing to even post this anonymously.

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Sorry this is a bit of a rant.
So my MIL is a bit of a financial mess. She was made redundant 2 years ago and won't go back to work. She has a small (£400pm) pension and that is her only source of income until she gets the state pension in 5 years time.
My wife got her a job but she only wanted to work Fridays and they got fed up with her declining work so stopped giving her it all together. I even gave her a job working in my business 1 day a week for £1000 p/m but she recently refused that too.
She lives in an old 2 up 2 down terraced house worth about 80k when all done up but it's a shithole, no carpets , no hot water, leaky roof, kitchen falling apart. She doesn't look after it and if there's an issue she just ignores it.
She has recently come asking for money to pay her mortgage for this will be the third time in 3 years we have paid her mortgage, it's only a few hundred a month and not a big deal financially but I resent giving it to her.
I have an idea that we offer to buy her house for £40k. We would pay her mortgage off now (about 15k) and give her a monthly payment of 400pm till she gets her state pension.
She would be able to live there till she dies or goes in a care home and pays £1PM, "rent". we would write up a 30 year lease to that effect. I'd want any maintenance during that time would be her responsibility ( or just ignored like now) we would obviously make sure it was secure enough not to affect the neighbors houses causing us legal issues.
I understand we would be paying more stamp duty on it.
I wondered if anyone else had done something similar and what's everyone's thoughts. I'm at my wit's end with my wife's money sucking family they are always asking for handouts and she won't let them be homeless (understandably).

I have the opportunity to live abroad for the next few years and become a sort of accidental landlord. I would like to keep our home in the UK, but rent it out to cover the mortgage. Does anyone have experience of how much tax you would be paying on this sort of arrangement?
I would be paying income tax in the local jurisdiction and earned in foreign currency, but also with rental income in the UK used to pay the mortgage. Would it all be lumped together and taxed at higher rates or is foreign taxed income considered separate?

Hello! I've posted here on r4r a handful of times now and I wanted to try and write up a more definitive ad. Every time I've written up a new one it contained new information or less information than a previous post so, I'm going to try and compile it all into one master post. That way everything there is to decide whether you'd like to message me is easily available and accessible to you without having to dig around a dozen other posts.
Now that the "prologue" is out of the way let's jump into why you're here and what it is I'm looking for.
Who Am I?

• Future Lawyer - Currently working as a Student Attorney this Summer at my school's legal clinic before my final year of law school. Will probably be taking the Bar July of 2024. I'm not sure as to what kind of law I'll be doing as a full fledged lawyer, but I know I intend to practice here in California. I'm working in Sacramento.
• Philosopher - I got my BA in Philosophy from UC Berkeley. I've always enjoyed philosophical discussion and occasionally write philosophical pieces. I was always into the classical Greek philosophers; Socrates/Plato and Aristotle. If you ever need a deep conversation we can delve into the depths of any subject.
• ENTJ/Leo - For those that enjoy Horoscopes or Myers Briggs tests. I'm an extrovert. I enjoy people and being alone is draining for me. I'm a bit shy and anxious at first, but once I'm comfortable that all goes away.
• Muslim - I know religion can be a big deal for some people, but I don't ask that anyone hold similar religious views as me. As long as we both value humanity, family, and general goodness, a difference in religion shouldn't be an issue. As a Muslim I don't drink and I don't eat pork. I don't care if you do. I'm not the best at praying (it's something I should fix) and I don't do the prayers (I generally just recite prayers to myself without doing the ritual aspects). I do fast during Ramadan.
• Drug Free - I also refrain from smoking and doing drugs. I just ask that if you do any drugs it's no more than weed, but ideally you don't smoke. I just don't like the smell lol and it sets me into a coughing fit if I'm around people that are smoking.
• Writer - I enjoy writing if you couldn't tell from the absurd length of this post. I apologize in advance. I write short stories, philosophy, political opinion, and whatever else comes to mind when I feel inspired.
• Traveler - I've traveled to a handful of places and there are a handful more I'd like to complete. I've been to Italy, Ireland(for a day), Austria, Hungary, Germany, Lebanon, Syria, and Jordan

Things I enjoy:

• Mythology - Especially Greek mythology which I'm more acquainted with. My favorite myth is Orpheus or as some know it from the play Eurydice which I have yet to see or read. Also love the myth of Sysiphus hauling the giant boulder up and the one about Prometheus stealing fire for mankind.
• Literature - I try and read on occasion. Haven't been too successful. The last book I completed was last winter and that was Robert Heinlein's Starship Troopers. Trying to get through Homer's Iliad at the moment before jumping to Homer's Odyssey. Some of my favorite books include: Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, Rand's Atlas Shrugged, Tolkien's The Hobbit, Luo Guanzhong's Romance of Three Kingdoms, and lots more.
• Gaming - PC Gamer, but do own consoles like the Switch, 360, PS4. I just bought a Gameboy Advance SP to play some old Pokemon games. I have a Gameboy Advance, but it doesn't have the light and the battery exploded inside it, rip...
• Movies/Shows - I love films. I watch a lot of foreign stuff too like Kdramas, Chinese, Japanese, language doesn't matter as long as it's good and it has subtitles for me to read. My favorite film of all time is The Godfather. Some of my favorite shows include Game of Thrones(prior to season 8 of course), Better Call Saul, South Park, Rick and Morty, Criminal Minds(before they changed the whole cast), and plenty more.
• Anime - I could've put the animated cartoons in here too, but I'm currently watching Dr. Stone. Some of my favorites include: Steins;Gate, Kaiji, Legend of the Galactic Heroes(the original although the new one is alright), Death Note, and plenty more.
• Comedy - Love a good comedy show. I've been to a few clubs, the Ice House down in Pasadena, the Laugh Factory in Vegas, and Cobbs in San Francisco.
• Sports - Big fan of Soccer. Watch the Premier League when I get the chance and try and keep up. Man United fan. Also enjoy going to Sacramento Republic games. Football is cool too, 49ers. Watch Basketball on the rare occasion as well, Sacramento Kings.
• Music - Rock and Metal fan. Going to be seeing Nickelback in July and I want to see Disturbed in July as well, but have no one to go with, rip. Some of my favorite bands include: Green Day(who I got to see live alongside Weezer and Fall Out Boy), Rise Against, Five Finger Death Punch, Disturbed, and a handful of others. My music tastes can be a bit eclectic, but rock and metal is my go to.
• Tea - I'll definitely brew you some tea someday. I enjoy black tea for the most part. I order loose-leaf tea online. I enjoy Assam, Darjeerling, Oolong, Pu-erh, Keemun, Earl Grey, and more.
• Museums - A big fan of history so I enjoy going to museums and looking at old things. Love Renaissance/Enlightenment period artwork. Just about any kind of museum is cool. I love learning new things.
• Going out in General - Whether it's hiking in nature among the redwoods, going to a bar, dancing at a club/bar, eating out, or bowling with friends. I'm good for just about anywhere as I like getting out of the house.
• Homebody - As much as I enjoy going out and exploring new places, sometimes I need a break from adventure and enjoy relaxing at home. Play some board games.
• DnD - I'm relatively new to it, but I'm DMing currently for a group of friends that I played my first campaign with. Been playing around two years now if not three (a bit on and off due to scheduling conflicts).

What I'm Looking For?
A woman who I can meet, befriend, love, marry, have kids, and grow old with. I'm a hopeless romantic, I guess lol. It would go in that order and as for the timeline, that's for fate to decide.
Age - Ideally 21+, but will accept as long as you're 18+. Ideal age range 21-30. If you're slightly older or slightly younger that's fine too. +/- 7 is the general rule of thumb.
Looks - Personality beats looks, but attraction is still important. I don't have a type per se. Don't really care about race/ethnicity. I'm trying to work on my weight myself so I rather not cast a stone at a glass house, but proportionality is something I find attractive. A gym partner or someone who can help me with my weight would also be appreciated(we can run together or go hike, etc.)
Personality - I find that sometimes when I'm not attracted to a person , their personality attracts me to them. Personality can elevate a 5 to a 10 or reduce a 10 to a 1 instantly. All I ask is that you're intelligent(a woman who can think for herself, articulate her thoughts, and is able to challenge me when I'm wrong), kind, communicative(communication is key in any relationship), and is sociable(don't need to be extroverted, just able to socialize when the situation calls for it).
Location - In California, looking to move to California, or willing to relocate (a hard ask considering everyone is leaving California lol). For the foreseeable future, I'm stuck here for work and family. Maybe someday I'll have a nice plot of land in the middle of nowhere and can live off the fatta the land with some rabbits. If you read the post and know the book, you got the reference.
What can I Give You?
Tea - As I mentioned before, I'll brew you tea and sometimes I might have a good story to tell over tea lol.
Laughter - I have a contagious laugh and I enjoy joking around. I laugh at most things so it's not too hard to elicit a laugh from me which might get you laughing too.
Adventure - I like visiting new places with friends or a companion so as long as you desire it, we can always adventure out to new places. Whether it's a beach, a new city, a forest, mountain, you name it, we can go.
Optimism - I have a generally happy-go-lucky attitude with life and I'll be happy to reassure you life is good and things will be fine. And if you need the opposite with harsh realism, ask and you shall receive lol.
Hygiene - I do my best to keep myself clean. I also wash my own dishes. I try to keep my home clean, but it's a bit difficult when you're never home. I bought my first condo in 2021 and now I understand why people rent. It's difficult to maintain everything and expensive. And on top of all that you gotta keep it clean even when you're not home.
Attention - As much as you desire. I enjoy people and having someone around all the time is fine by me. I also don't mind some alone time and lawyer stuff can be a bit time-consuming.
Food - I can't cook, but I'll try. I tried to make sushi and failed two weekends ago. Rice was too sticky and too hot. Also the sashimi refused to thaw no matter how long I waited(was well over 12 hours...) But wrapping it was actually easier than I expected just not evenly distributed along the roll.
I think that covered everything I needed to add or wanted to add in here. If I come up with more I'll be updating this master ad over time. Feel free to message me or use the chat feature. Also if you like we can move to Discord, feel free to ask for it. Attached is a photo of me as well. Thanks for bearing through this long post. And if you didn't read it all, that's fine. It's too damn long.
https://imgur.com/a/GgHS6Iu

Hello everyone I am a 24M. I am about to graduate with my associates degree in business and I am about to apply for an internship at a real estate company. I am sitting here crying my eyes out because my depression will not allow me to take a breather. I sit here and constantly feel like I could have been successful yet I am not. I am graduating from a COMMUNITY COLLEGE and now I am finally getting an internship at 24! I just want to briefly rant about my life story, so here it is..
When I was 17 I had health anxiety and thought so many things were wrong with me for three years. During those three years I developed agoraphobia, an eating disorder, and various forms of OCD. It was hell waking up everyday and dealing with a new imaginary illness or bearing OCD where I would count my breaths or think everything was going to kill me. I had to pay no rent, no bills, and for money I would gamble online and made a few thousands which allowed me to buy things for my hobbies. In 2019 when I was 20 I discovered trading within the stock market. I instantly fell in love and tried to do it full time since I literally could not do anything else. My schedule was filled with doctors, therapists, and so much free time. At this time I was also trying to make youtube videos, or stream on twitch. Despite being trapped in my house I tried my hardest to make the best out of it.
I did not understand how far behind I was from kids my age. I was trapped in this high school, teenage mentality for three years straight. My brother would remind me of my 20th birthday and I would just freak out thinking I was robbed of my youth. The pandemic hit and I put loads of money and time into the stock market. The idea of the pandemic just let me give up on everything. I said fuck my anxiety, my illnesses, and everything holding me back. I did crazy things during the pandemic that I have never done. Drank a lot, took pills, basically gambled all of my covid relief checks in the stock market. It was the worst and best time of my life and I wanted to die every night.
When I turned 21 I finally started consistently taking antidepressants. This is when life changed for real. I was able to hang out with family again, talk to friends again, go outside by myself. I was taking the world again with my mom, and brother by my side. I then applied to community college because my grades were terrible in high school. During the ages 20-22 I would stock trade options all the time for income. During the pandemic 2020 I was a degenerate and did not know what I was doing. I accumulated so much wealth but since I wanted to die I just wanted to go all in everytime. I lost so much money during that year. I then tried to trade when I was 21 after the pandemic started to cool down. I was much more consistent but yet still lost so much money due to my mental and physical health. By the time I was 22 I easily lost over 50 grand trading stock options. I knew how to trade, I understood how to adjust positions and I read books, courses, and every waking moment was dedicating to learning the market.
I realized it was my life outside of trading that really needed to improve. So at the end of me turning 21 to 22 I stopped trading and had a few thousand to my name. I wanted to focus on all the things I could not have done. I was not able to eat outside in public, I was not able to go to the movie theaters, stay out late, etc. I did everything I always wanted to do. I was enjoying the normalcy. I felt normal at 22, going to college online, dating and hooking up with girls. I did what I craved to do. I just always felt like I was late in life to do these things or I was a loser for doing some things for the first time. I turned 23 and had an official girlfriend who we would spend much time together and I was just completing school.
I had no bills, no rent, and a few thousand in my portfolio and bank account so I was just going with the flow. I kept telling myself I am focusing on my mental health. Honestly I was happy, waking up, going to school, reading books, trying so many new things, enjoying a first official girlfriend. Life at 23 was a huge change for me finally. I was at my lowest financially but mentally I was recovering. Now I recently turned 24 a month ago.
At 24 I am basically done with an associates degree, I live at home with my parents, I have slept with a decent amount of girls, I drive a decent bmw, I have a few thousand to my name, I am 5'9, I am super skinny still, insanely insecure about myself, overcame my eating disorder but still battle it daily. I am insecure with my ears, my face, my skin color, my height. I hate myself and I keep reminding myself that all the things i've done in the past years do not count because I did them too late or because I am not where I want to be. I dreamed of living on my own with a nicer car and just having more financial leverage to prove to everyone I did this. I feel like I am running out of time and I am trying to be more consistent with my investments. I am doing things right again and I am aging. What if I never succeed? We all hear stories about those who have chips on their shoulders and make huge successes. Why do we never hear about those who genuinely give up on life?
I sit here and think that I should give up. Anything I do that is new or fun I erase it in my head because I am "not where I want to be." Everything feels fake and feels wrong because I am broke, living at home, and I am in a place my younger self would laugh at. I just wish I could stop thinking about all the money I have lost, the years I lost due to illnesses, and all the "What ifs." I try to workout everyday now, I finally eat everyday, I go outside a lot, I have been more social to strangers, I work on my car with other car people, and I am dating a few girls. I feel like such a fraud. Am I a fraud? I am essentially broke and struggling. I have no bills, no rent, and I have a whole floor to myself. Should I just isolate myself and not live because of how much of a loser I am? Does anyone feel like this?
ANY TIPS OR ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP. IDK IF THIS IS RUMINATION, DEPRESSION OR IDK. I WANT TO BE HAPPIER ABOUT LIFE. I HAVE A THERAPIST, I CURRENTLY HAVE SHITTY INSURANCE BUT ANYTIME I TELL MY THERAPIST THINGS THAT ARE GOING ON HE HAS NOTHING TO CHANGE MY WAY OF THINKING SADLY :/ I'VE BEEN IN AND OUT OF THERAPY FOR YEARS AND I DONT THINK ITS WORKED EVER.

Intro/Summary:
I've found myself in a very fortunate position: I have a much higher salary than I anticipated when graduating (due to switching to a more lucrative career path), and with the increasing interest rates it seems to now be a no brainer to pay off my student loan in full ASAP. All considered scenarios seem to come out on top (see bottom of post for detail), with a rough 10-12 year wait until I make back the money with the saving of not making any more monthly repayments.
Simple question: Shall I do it? Thanks in advance for your time and opinions!
Context:

• Graduated 2017
• Plan 2, Loan balance of £66,360.86
• As far as I understand it, interest rate is RPI + 3% with a current cap of 7.1%. RPI announced at March applies from September onwards.
• Salary £73k base, market rate for my current role is around £85k so there's some room for immediate growth (with a job change)
• Average salary increase since starting work has been 18% (albeit that includes a career switch to a more lucrative career path, starting base at graduation was £27.5k)
• Enough money in a S&S ISA to pay off student loan in full today
• I rent and don't own any property
• Current annual repayments of around £4k

What i've considered so far:

• I've read the wiki page
• I've looked at how the interest rate is calculated
• Will I need the money soon? - No: I have money in a LISA for when I want to buy a house, I'm still pretty young, I don't plan on having a big, expensive wedding or children in the next 5 years. My dad is on the older side (some of the ISA money could be for a care home were he to fall ill and require care), but it's not an immediate pressure yet, but would be if i were making this decision in 10 years.
• Moving abroad to EU (which I will be doing 100% certain in the next 3 years) doesn't impact the repayment threshold too much.
• Overpayments without paying off in full today would just delay any benefits as i'd still be making the full annual repayments, just for a shorter time period.
• Used all the recommended calculators, ending up on this one.
• Using the repayment calculator i've done a few scenarios:

1. Conservative (3% salary growth, 3% interest rate from 2025) - Pay off loan in 2042 with total repayments of £96.6k, discounted to today would be £67.2k (>£66.3k current loan value)
2. Realistic (IMO) (7% salary growth, 6.9% interest now, 7.1% till 2026 then taper down to 5% at 2030) - Pay off loan in 2038 with total repayments of £112k, discounted to £81.4k (>£66.3k current loan value)
3. High salary, low interest (10% salary growth, 3% interest rate from 2025) - Pay off loan in 2034 with total repayments of £87.8k, discounted to today would be £69.2k (>£66.3k current loan value)
4. Low salary, high interest (3% salary growth, 6.9% interest rate from 2025) - Pay off loan in 2047 with total repayments of £137.2k, discounted to today would be £84.3k (>£66.3k current loan value)

I'm a relatively high-income earner (not a millionaire by any means, but I take home 6 figures a month).
I've been meaning to buy a home for a while now. Any advice on how I can get a housing loan?
My credit is really bad due to issues that cropped up during the pandemic (my business went kaput, and I ended up defaulting on the company's loans, etc. Long story, involving pierced corporate veils due to directly paying payroll from my own account, etc.)
I keep trying to find an actual rent to own property listing (i.e. wherein I rent the place and title stays with the owner, and they transfer to me once I've paid off the entire balance+interest). Most 'rent to own' listings aren't really like that--they're outright purchase-with-financing...which is literally just buying with a mortgage.
So far, my options seem to be:

1. Rich Private Lender who will either lend me the funds or they'll buy the property and I'll 'rent-to-own' from them.
2. Bank Lending/Loan Officer who is willing to look the other way and approve my application
3. I start selling drugs or launch and OnlyFans (LOL)

Any advice?

I'm a relatively high-income earner (not a millionaire by any means, but I take home 6 figures a month).
I've been meaning to buy a home for a while now. Any advice on how I can get a housing loan?
My credit is really bad due to issues that cropped up during the pandemic (my business went kaput, and I ended up defaulting on the company's loans, etc. Long story, involving pierced corporate veils due to directly paying payroll from my own account, etc.)
I keep trying to find an actual rent to own property listing (i.e. wherein I rent the place and title stays with the owner, and they transfer to me once I've paid off the entire balance+interest). Most 'rent to own' listings aren't really like that--they're outright purchase-with-financing...which is literally just buying with a mortgage.
So far, my options seem to be:

1. Rich Private Lender who will either lend me the funds or they'll buy the property and I'll 'rent-to-own' from them.
2. Bank Lending/Loan Officer who is willing to look the other way and approve my application
3. I start selling drugs or launch and OnlyFans (LOL)

Any advice?

I privately (cash only lol) rent a room and the kitchen/bathroom area on the top floor of a unit. My landlord who is my housemate lives downstairs and keeps to himself but does occasionally use the kitchen and bathroom too. I pay a fair bit of rent (bills included) every week but it’s worth it because he’s barely home as he works most days and is only home at night when he is. It works well enough for me.
The thing is, he’s the messiest cunt I’ve ever met. His downstairs area on the very few occasions I’ve had to go down there is disgusting, piles of dishes, mess and paperwork everywhere, old food, disorder in the enth degree. My bf said it’s like something out of a hoarders episode but it’s downstairs and my room and areas are clean so I’m not that fussed. However when he uses the kitchen he ALWAYS leaves a mess. Dishes everywhere that he never washes, crumbs and old food on the counter, mess on the stove it’s gross. And he just forgets about it. I use the kitchen everyday so I Have no choice but to clean it if I have any chance of cooking in a hygienic space and I’m sick of it.
I’m hesitant to call him out because he owns the house and we have no formal lease agreement as I was desperate to get out of a dangerous housing situation at the time so I took the place and now I feel it’s to my own detriment. This morning I got up, saw a huge mess of crumbs and raw chicken on the counter and audibly cussed so loudly. I guess he was home and heard me because he came upstairs and told me he was “just about to clean the mess” so I handed him the sponge and wipes and said there you go do it then and he got really salty. So now I’m even more scared. If he kicks me out I’m homeless during a rental crisis and I’m a uni student that works part time and has no family.
I’ve drafted a text to send him about it but tbh I’m really done. It’s been 8 months of me being an unpaid maid. What to do? How do I confront him? I’m in aus so I don’t know the legal ramifications if I report him taking tax free rent payments
Thanks for letting me vent!

Throwaway
My (33f) and my husband Matteo (31m) have been married for 4 months, together for 3 years. When we were dating his mom used to randomly call him up and ask for money, anywhere from 2-6 thousand dollars. He told me that she had been doing it for years but he didn’t care because he had a high paying job and had the disposable income to give her money. My FIL is a successful businessman in his city and I was told that they had joint accounts so I always found it a bit odd that she asked her son for money. When we got engaged we discussed his mom’s monetary requests and my husband agreed he would put an end to it, and he did. She stopped calling after he refused to give her money.
Last Tuesday my MIL called and asked my husband for 15 thousand dollars, she said she needed it for vacation. After he told her no, she sent me a lengthy text message saying that I had no right to get involved in a mother’s relationship with her son, I didn’t respond. I asked my husband if his parents were having money troubles and he said that everything is fine as far as he knows.
Well today my FIL and SIL (husband’s younger sister) came over for lunch. My FIL was helping us choose a bottle of wine when I asked him if everything is okay at home, he looked at me confused and asked what I was talking about. That’s when my husband told him about her calling us for money.!
It turns out that my MIL has been secretly asking my husband for money in cash. My FIL told us that she was withdrawing cash from the bank last year and told him it was to help pay for our wedding but she lied, she never gave us a dime.
My FIL left immediately and hours later my MIL called crying saying that I have a big mouth and ruined her life. My FIL wrote us a check to pay us back and is temporarily separated from my MIL until he feels he can trust her again. My husband’s maternal relatives are calling us an saying that I’m a giant AH.
AITA for bringing it up to my FIL that my MIL is secretly harassing us for money?
ETA: We were told tonight that she was using the money to buy lavish gifts for her friends and pay their rent.

Hello friends! I've been lurking here since I failed my 1 hour screen last week at 158. This community made me feel so much better about my result! thank you all! I see there's a lot of posts about food recommendation requests. I've been "mindful of my carbs" for the last 6 years, so I have developed an arsenal of good low carb food options. I'll list a few below. Unfortunately many may be specific to the US. Also, luckily my 3 hour test came back all normal and I haven't had to monitor my glucose at home, so i don't speak from GD experience.
These are all things I'm able to find at my local grocery stores (harris teeter and giant)
[Bread] Hotdog buns, burger buns, bagels and slice bread: 647 brand from Schmidt/old time has so much fiber and half the amount of net carbs of regular breads. No one can tell this is "lower carb" bread.
Flat bread and "lavash": Joseph bread has a flax and oat barn line that's VERY good. Again, no one can tell it's lower carb.
Tortillas: so many companies make low carb tortillas, they're generally all good. I prefer Ole extreme.
[Pasta] Al Dente has a line called Carba-nada. It has been a go to. It's the closest to regular pasta with a little more character and half the carbs and double the fiber.
Bonza has chickpea pasta that is 30 grams net carbs per serving. It's a little more squishy than regular pasta, but I like it quite a lot. They have ready mac and cheese boxes with decent macros if you restrict yourself to a single serving!
Explore Cuisine has different types of bean pastas. I like all of them! They all have a mild but distinct taste that can be a hit or miss depending on the dish. They're all VERY good on their own with some light sauce or garlic olive oil. They're very heavy on the protein so I often prefer them with no meat.
[Savory snacks] Beef/jerkey sticks (look at macros)
Olives! Several brands make "liquid free" snacking olives. My favorite is Mario
P3 protein snacks
Popcorn if you can not finished whole bag
Flavored almonds. Blue Diamond has a wide variety of non-boring almonds.
Any snacking cheese in individual packs (string, cheddar sticks, baby Belle.. so many!)
Quest protein chips have only 3 grams net carbs
[Sweet treats] NICK'S products. Ice crams and bars and other stuff too. I LOOoRRRVVVEE their peanut chocolate protein bar, it's basically a snickers bar but not as sweet. It's the very best!
Berries with reddit wip
KIND ice cream bars have decent macros!
Halo top ice cream (NOT the whole pint, and not the sorbet)
Skinny Dipped almonds. Espresso and lemon are my favorite!
Lily's chocolate
[Sugar alternatives] I'm a firm believer in diversity and moderation. I believe that having huge amounts of any type of sugar on the regular is not great. So I personally try to mix them up (including having regular sugar in moderation). But here's my two cents.
Monk fruit sugar: most similar to regular sugar. By far my favorite. People can't tell the difference between it and regular sugar. Generally haven't noticed any bad gut effects.
Allulose: not as sweet as sugar. Still good. 85% similar to regular sugar in taste.
Stevia: definitely has a weird aftertaste. Not my favorite but has its uses and great mixed with other sugars or fruit-heavy desserts.
Swerve: pretty alright. It's an erythritol mix which makes me bloated if I consume a lot of it. I use it frequently in small amounts or mixed with other sugars!
Xylitol: has a minty cooling effect. I only like it in icecream and gum. May cause bloating too.
Sucralose: there's been many studies showing its not the best for you. I DON'T avoid it like the plague, but would personally rather have regular sugar over sucralose.
[Quick meals/sides/lunches/snacks] Boca burgers (with 647 buns, mayo cheese and sugar free ketchup!) Just pop them in the microwave for 1:30 mins!
Cherry tomatos + fresh mozzarella + olive oil and balsamic + basil
Cucumber + cream cheese + everything seasoning
Trader joes crisp bread crackers + smoked salmon + cream cheese
[Breakfast, other than the obvious, EGGS <3] Pancakes and waffles, there's SO many brands that make low carb options. Our store has Birch Benders and it's pretty alright!
Avocado + hemp seeds + seasoning + lime (or even a splash of apple cider vinegar)
647 brand toast with a slice of cheddar cheese!
Cottage cheese (even the fruity ones are very low carb)
Cheese platter, sugar free jelly and sugar free peanut butter and crackers/low carb bread
[General cooking advice] If you can, join a service that delivers vegitables to you weekly. This will force you to cook at home and not let things go to waste and eat A LOT more vegetables.
A spiralizer is fun! Veggies are not a substitute for noodles, but they often work well in many dishes!
Cooking shredded cabbage in a very hot wok with soy sauce and garlic is a great base for Asian dishes. A regular pan would steam the cabbage, so it's not as good.
Spaghetti squash is your friend. You can poke holes in it and microwave it whole.
Air frier is another one of your best friends. They speed things up tremendously making it more likely for you to eat at home!
Cooking LOTS of tomatoes + garlic + onion + Italian seasoning + dump any other vegitable and protein you have available until the tomatoes really reduce, will ALWAYS result in a yummy meal. Topped with feta and pine nuts and olive oil? Yes please. Low carb bread works with this.
Any vegitable combination + any ground or shredded protein + a can of salsa + Mexican seasoning + (beans optional, they add fiber, protein and substance but also add carbs) make an excellent meal on its own OR in a low carb tortilla. Avocado and sour cream work on the side.
Salads with a hot protein on top feel more like a meal than an all cold salad. They're less boring too.
I hope this was useful, even little!

A "friend" left her cat with me since late Feb this year, supposedly fora stay no longer than 1 month. We are past 3 months now. "Friend" keep delaying picking up her cat as she doesn't have a home to go back to. Home is being rented out.
My home is not huge and not cat proof. I didn't expect to board the cat this long.
I gave a final deadline for August. If "friend" keeps making excuses, I plan to drop the cat off at the shelter and let the shelter call her to pick the cat up. Is this legal?
"Friend" has no job and is living off of credit card right now. "Friend" is an alcohol and drug addict and has not taken cat to a vet since adoption 3 years ago.

I am M about to turn 24 in a few days. For the past few days I am not feeling too great about myself and have developed some self doubts about myself. This is happening due to various different kinds of things happening around me and I feel like because people are kind of anonymous and looking to help out people maybe I can share my story with you guys.
I come from a typical Indian middle class family living in India. I completed my Masters last year and placed in a good US-based company with an average salary as compared to my colleagues from college placement. It required me to move to a different city which I did but days later my grandma passed away and I was back home for a few weeks. I went back and was settling in the city but a month later I was shocked as my grandpa passed away too. It hurt me a lot as when my grandma passed away, she was not doing very well for the past few years since she had a brain hemorrhage but grandpa was well and was hoping to see him again during Diwali. The last telephonic conversation I had with my grandpa was just a few days ago and his last words to me were "It would be too late when I see you again." Those words still hurt me as I have been living with my grandparents since I was born and I was supposed to call him on the day he passed away. I was too sad until I went back home for a month and was not ready to return back. But I had to and I did return. Once again I had to kinda start over and settle again. But again a mishap happened to me a few weeks later as I fell into an open sewer and injured my leg as it punctured wounds and was swollen due to the impact due to which it was swollen and I was asked to have a bed rest. I was too ashamed to ask people for help but my office colleague who was also my roommate helped me a lot and one more office colleague who lived near me helped me too. I will always be thankful to them as they were there for me.
It was settling in and it came to the FIFA WC Final. Lionel Messi vs Kylian Mbappe. It was my idol's last shot at glory. I was left heartbroken 8 years ago and would have had some kind of mental breakdown if not for that Emi Martinez save. And he finally did it. It was the best day of my life. I celebrated the whole night and couldn't sleep. It was like yeah nice guys don't always finish last. I had hoped that it was the sign that good things were going to happen to me. It kind of went smoothly for a few months after that as I visited my family after a gap of more than a month. We had happy times and I thought now I could finally settle back and focus on my career. But life had other plans for me.
My company was hit by the recession or as they said so. Investors backed out and the reserves depleted. All the employees had to face a delay of over a month for salary and some of us had to ask home for money to cope with the daily needs too. Bangalore is a great city no doubt but rent and cost of living is too much. I had taken on all the employees who moved from different cities living there. After some time it came to the point people had to ask for money but didn't have money to repay the previous one. Salary was due for 2 months now. So the whole office decided to move back to their home and start searching for new jobs. It was a bittersweet moment as you are expected to support your family at this age rather than ask them for help.
I was able to survive on my own as my parents never asked me for anything. They have always said we don't need your money and just invest it and look out to only spend on what your wants and needs are. I have already decided to look out for a new job prior to coming back home. I was totally active and even got an opportunity to sit for an interview but didn't hear back from them. I was happy back home as I was back with my friends and things were kind of back to normal as we were still due on our salary since February and though we are still getting paid but with a delay of more than 2 months at times and that too in parts of our salary. At home the expenses are not too much so it's easy to not worry about the salary and live a normal life. As actively I am looking for a job I have asked all my cousins for help for referrals in their company or in any other company where they have contacts. They are wholeheartedly happy to look out and are helping me.
Some time has passed since then and a few weeks back my cousin got engaged. I am happy for him as he will spend the rest of his life with the love of his life . As he is only 2 years older than me, in a typical Indian household it is implied that the next number is mine. People keep asking me if I have anyone my answer has always been no as I have never been in a relationship or so. Never had anything casual or serious. Never went on a date. Too shy to talk with girls. Yeah that's me. I'm the problem. It's me. Hopeless romantic all my life thinking someone would approach me but naah who likes curvy and good guys. I did develop a crush on different girls but either they had a bf or they didn't want the relationship thing. I have been trying for the past 8 years to no avail. I never thought about that too much until recently. Maybe it's because I am seeing all my cousins getting married to the love of their lives or maybe I am starting to think I will never find someone. My parents are too supportive of love marriage so that was never the issue. All my friends are currently dating and it does hurt to see myself lonely at times. I always thought I would fall in love and be the happiest man ever but will I ever be ? These kinds of thoughts spiraled through my mind for a few days but I focused on searching for a new job as my career is more important right now.
Cut to current, I have completed a year at my current and first job. It's been more than 3 months since I started searching and except for that one interview no luck. I did get a call for a new opportunity but I was not too keen as it didn't suit my profile. I have tried all the hacks that you see on social media but still no success. I have to be home all the time as it's a WFH thing but due to all the mess at my company right now, I have no work at times. I joined the gym again and visited it daily. But at home, I am totally a couch potato. Everyday I get scolded by my parents for something or other but I know they are just looking out for my good. At times when I meet my friends all they have is to talk about their better half or just nerdy things. I am always idle and don't feel like doing anything. I have grown apart from my office colleagues as they barely try to talk with me as they did before. They only reply when they have work from me. My best friends are busy. I don't get much time to talk and I also feel like not talking much nowadays. I feel like a liability towards my family and friends.
As I am writing this down I just felt what am I doing with my life. Am I making some wrong choices ? Why am I trying so much if things are not gonna my way ? Why is my destiny testing me so much ? Am i not deserving of getting loved by someone ? What have I done wrong that people close to me don't talk to me now ?
All these questions have led me to take a break from all forms of social media and I feel too disconnected towards all the things I am doing. I just wanna feel better but I don't know what I need to do.
EDIT: Please feel free to reach out if you feel you have any suggestions for me

I live in California. Growing up, my parents pointed knives and guns at my siblings and I. Every day we were told to leave home as minors. My family argued every day, and the house feels like it is on fire all the time. It was hard because we had no places to go. I was scared to leave because my parents controlled my mind and made me think that this world will hurt me. The truth is that this world is safer than being with them.
I took high school seriously because I wanted scholarships to help me leave home. My threatened to kill me if I left. I still left. I wanted to be loved so bad. I got into relationships because I wanted to feel loved and heard. Often those relationships turned out very toxic.
I took loans for renting so I can take summer classes because I didn't want to come home. I tried to avoid home as much as I could, and that meant adding my student loans up.
I successfully finish grad school and got a good job. As I climbed up in my career, I experienced a toxic job and had to quit. I took a few months off and went to travel in Asia. I came home and stayed with my parents for one month because I was applying for jobs. They never changed. They were only good the first week when I was there.
On the other day, I was looking at houses and came across some cheap houses in Houston. I could afford it. I think I might move there so I can easily pay off the houses and have less bills. Yes, I am aware that property tax is high, but it will be MY home. I will never be kicked out. I will never be living in someone's home. I am gay, but in the future if I do have kids, I will never kick them out unless they do something extremely bad. I will let them know that they have me as a safety net. I will always be here to support them.

Chapter V

Two Kinslayers

"Has anything changed?"
The man, if he could thought of as a man, was covered in black robes. He refused to wear anything else, murmuring in his foreign language at every word, move or sound of others.
"Is he any better?"
As good as us, Lews Therin said. He's a killer, like I am.
Shut up.
Alanna and Verin both inspected him. Looking up, Rand noticed Mat, Aviendha and the Maidens of the Spear were all terrified of him. The Aiel women did their best to hide it, but he still saw it in their faces.
"Moriñgotho." the man said. "Moriñgotho enutúlie." The word "Moriñgotho" was the one he kept repeating all the time.
"He is..." Verin said bewildered, staring at him still. "He is...fine. There is nothing wrong about him. His body is completely healthy. No scars, no wound...he is completely fine."
Alanna touched his head. "Light! It's the opposite. His body is stronger than any of us. He is in better shape than anyone I've ever seen."
"Eru apseni. Ilúvatar, apseni. "
"He is stronger. Taller. Healthier than anyone I had ever seen."
Rand nodded, looking down at the man. He was still shaking and murmuring. He was not looking at any of them or anything at all. His grey eyes were completely absent. Rand barely needed to even lean to touch the man - even when sitting, his head and shoulders were close to Rand's. Rand removed his thick black hair, in his hand feeling it very smooth, looking at his ears. "Pointy? He has pointy ears?"
"Yes." Verin said, looking at the other one. "I don't understand it either." His ears were not slightly pointed: rather both ears were noticeably longer than of any ordinary man. Not abnormaly so, but noticeably. "Maybe he was just born that way."
"If he was born at all." Mat added.
The Aes Sedai looked at him, visibly irritated, with Alanna biting her lip. "And why exactly are you questioning that?"
"Why? Oh, I have no idea. Maybe because he fell from the bloody sky?"
"Cauthon!"
"Stop!" That was all Rand needed to say to convince them. Shutting up an Aes Sedai or Mat was an impossible task sometimes.
"Moriñgotho." the man continued. "Moriñgotho."
"Is he speaking real words or is he just...stuttering?"
Like you, maybe? Lews Therin chuckled.
Verin did not answer immediately. She kept listening to him for a while. "Those are real words. But..."
"But what?"
"I don't know what language it is, Rand." she said bluntly. "And I don't think anyone in the world does."
"Moriñgotho. Moriñgotho."
"That word he is repeating." Aviendha said. "Maybe it is his name?"
Rand looked at the man again. He was repeating that word all the time, yes - but he did so with terror. It seemed like he said it always as quickly as possible, just to end it. "No. It's not a name. Not his at least."
"How do you know?"
"I do." Aviendha and the Maidens rumbled about "wetlanders" when he said that. He placed the hand on his shoulder, slightly shaking him. "Listen to me..."
"Moriñgotho. Moriñgotho." he said. "Morikotto. Morkotho?" He looked at them once, as if waiting to be corrected, but then continued... "Moringotto. Moriñgotho."
He's lost his mind, Rand thought. Is he a channeler? And yet somehow, Rand doubted that was the case.
"What do we do with him?" Mat asked. "He needs help."
"And what do you want us to do, Cauthon?"
"Heal him."
Verin scoffed. "From what? Have you heard what we said? There is nothing wrong with him."
"Light, woman, he is mad! Rumbling the same thing over and over again!"
"Morkotho. Moriñgotho. Morgotto? Morikotto."
"You can Heal him, can't you?"
Alanna was frustrated with Mat's tone, but she felt Rand's answer to that. Just try if you dare. She bit her lip. "One Power can heal all wounds of the body, Cauthon. All except death itself. That is true. But no one, not even in the Age of Legends, was ever able to heal any mental illness or insanity itself. That is impossible. At most the Compulsion can be reversed, but that is all."
Mat looked at him. "Rand?"
Rand just shook his head. Lews Therin remembered some type of Healing of the mind, but... It came from him, not the Creator. You are still mad, though.
Mat kept looking back at the man. "We can't just leave him."
"And what will we do, Mat?" Rand asked him, almost deciding to turn back. "We cannot help everyone." Curse me, but we cannot.
Davram Bashere looked at the man, then at Rand again. "With all due respect, Lord Dragon, everyone saw him fall from the sky. Not only that, but people have said they saw a bright falling star moments before he fell."
"And you think he is that star?" Of all people, Rand never expected Bashere to be superstituos.
"If the possibilities are that narrow?" he shrugged. "I honestly do."
Rand clicked his tongue. And they say male channelers are mad.
"Rand al'Thor." Aviendha said. "No one is lying here. We all saw the star falling."
"Suppose you are all right." He played with buttons on his sleeve. "Let us say there was a star that fell and he was there when it did. Doesn't mean at all he needs to be that star."
Alanna felt frustrated, Rand returning that emotion.
"Rand, look at him!" Mat pointed at the man. "Does he look like an ordinary man to you? And we are all telling you - he fell from the sky!"
"If you do not trust us," Aviendha said. "ask the others in the city."
"The Pattern, Rand." Verin said. "Whoever or whatever he is, the Pattern brought him here."
"And how do you know that?"
"How?" Verin scratched her chin. "Well, I am just an Aes Sedai, after all. However, I seem to remember people do not often fall from the sky."
Sky was filled with fire and ash, then. Lews Therin seemed to have gotten quite talkative at the moment. When I killed her. He started weeping. I killed my Ilyena.
"Moriñgotho."
"I cannot take care of him."
"Who said so?" Alanna commented. "Honestly, you would be the worst person for that, al'Thor."
Rand bit his tongue before answering back. If I don't want her being proud, I must be humble too.
"We will take care of him." Verin said. "We can..."
Rand cut her off with one short glance. "Mat?"
"Yes?"
"You will take care of him."
Cauthon reached his chest. "What?"
"Since you are so eager to help him. And you found him first."
He nodded. "So...I need to go find the princess and take care of this poor man. You want me to clean your toilet too?"
Alanna felt like an injustice was done to her when Rand let that pass. "He is safe with you too."
"This is absurd!" Verin said. "Rand al'Thor, we need him with us! Whatever he is saying must be properly translated."
"Fingolfin..." The man said, with a voice that was almost breaking. "Hanno! Hanno, apseni!"
"He is going where I said he is going - as far away from Aes Sedai as possible." He did not consider them deserving of even a look. "He is going with the Band of the Red Hand. I will not argue about this."
Even Sulin scoffed. "Rand al'Thor, don't you dare be that stupid!"
Davram Bashere just looked to the side during this argument. Insulting superiors was something only the Aiel considered acceptable, as it seemed. Rand continued with his own. "He goes with Matrim, Aes Sedai. My decision is final."
"If you do this, the White Tower will not be on good terms with you anymore. And you need us, Rand al'Thor."
They all stopped as the man stood up from his seat. Standing now almost a head taller than Rand, he gave a glance to each of them. Those grey eyes were deeper and older than the sea itself and the face, again, more timeless than the face of the Aes Sedai. He looked down on them all, then fixing his sight on Rand. He stared long enough for Lews Therin to start rumbling...and then go silent without any interferrence of Rand.
The man walked up to the window, looking over the city. Rand slowly approached him from behind, and the man turned back to him. "Here." he said abruptly.
Rand narrowed his eyes. "What?"
"Here." The man pointed towards the bottom, then to himself. "Here. Stay?" he said, again waiting to be corrected. "Here. Stay here."
"What, you want me to stay here?" The man started nodding, but when Rand pointed at himself, he shook it, then placing a hand on his chest. "No...you want to stay here?"
The man nodded. "Náto."
"I suppose that means yes." Rand said. "Very well. Do you want their help?" Rand pointed towards the Aes Sedai and tried to explains with his hands as best as possible.
The man slowly came to understand it. "No."
"No?"
"No know?" He shook his head. "No! Lá sí. Now not."
"Not now? You do not want their help at the moment? In this place or at the moment?"
"Náto."
"But maybe later?"
"Náto."
"Alright then." Rand said, offering his hand for a shake. "You may stay." Alanna felt like she will scream. The man looked at Rand's hand for a bit before eventually taking it and slowly shaking it. Light, he has a strong shake! he admitted. "Bashere?"
"My lord."
"Find some servants to help our friend. Get him a home or a room."
"At command, lord." he clasped, leaving the room to look for some servants.
When Rand turned, he saw them all staring at him, confused and frustrated, all except Verin. He had no intention to explain himself, not even to Aviendha and Mat. Verin, however, was staring at the man. "He just learned to speak the Common Tongue fluently...within minutes?"
Mat scratched his hand. "Uh...Verin Sedai, he simply babbled a few words."
"That he never heard before or understood." Verin looked towards Rand, expecting him to change his mind.
"He is not a rat you can experiment on." Rand said. "He said he doesn't want your help now. He will ask for it later."
She pursed her lips and closed her eyes. "Rand, please! He is important, whoever he is. We can help him..."
"He will ask for it when he needs it." Rand did not raise his voice and went to leave. "Mat, you come with me. You others can stay or go."
The women all wanted to burn him as it seemed, but he could not care less about it anymore. The room he led them to was Mat's temporary place while he was still in Caemlyn. Rand was not going to change his plans, despite the man's appearance. "Nice place." Rand said. "Not as warm as the Two Rivers, however."
"It is cozy, yes." Mat took a seat on his bed. "But I must admit I miss the Two Rivers."
Tam's gentle voice. The baaing of sheep. What did I do to deserve this? "Make haste slowly, Mat.” He started striding up and down. He never looked in Mat’s direction. He could feel sweat slicking his face, and his jaw was tight. "He has to see it coming. Everything depends on it.”
Mat started taking his boots off. "I know,” he said sourly. "I helped make the bloody plan, remember?”
That was a thing Mat would always say. He missed those days when the two of them, along with Perrin, would just live and rejoice. He found it, at he very least, good he met other people and loved other people after that. That was not encouraging, but it was comforting.
He started thinking of Aviendha then. Mat always had a way with women, he thought. How do you know you’re in love with a woman, Mat? he almost asked, but then brushed it off. Mat already had enough of burden on his own shoulders. Rand did not want to place his own upon him too. And...something pulled those words away from him.
He still did not stop his striding, and he dropped it in as if it fit what he had been saying. "I’ll finish Sammael, Mat. I promised that; I owe it to the dead. But where are the others? I need to finish them all. One at a time, though.” That was all he could do.
What did I do to deserve this?
"There are Dragonsworn in Murandy, Mat. In Altara, too. Men sworn to me. Once Illian is mine, Altara and Murandy will drop like ripe plums. I’ll make contact with the Dragonsworn in Tarabon - and in Arad Doman - and if the Whitecloaks try to keep me out of Amadicia, I’ll crush them. The Prophet has Ghealdan primed, and Amadicia almost, so I hear."
The Prophet. An old word. From an age long forgotten. Even Lews Therin mocked it from time to time. Men who heard voices in their heads, he would often say. So I am a prophet too, am I?
"Can you imagine Masema as the Prophet?" Unimportant question. "Saldaea will come to me; Bashere is sure of it. All the Borderlands will come. They have to! I am going to do it, Mat. Every land united before the Last Battle. I’m going to do it!” He hadn't noticed his voice had taken on a feverish tone.
"Sure, Rand.” Mat said slowly, depositing his other boot beside the first. “But one thing at a time, right?”
One thing at a time. There was a game like that. His voice started breaking. The game my children liked to play. I killed them. I killed them and my Ilyena.
Rand sighed. "No man should have another man’s voice in his head." he muttered. How long has Lews Therin been in there? Rand did not remember when was the first time he heard him. It seemed to him that it happened when Lanfear met him in Tear. That seemed to have triggered Lews Therin to come out. Since then, the Kinslayer just started speaking louder and louder. Very rarely did he say meaningful things. Just babbling about his wife and children, and friends long gone. From time to time, he would speak of creatures of old, or "Angels of Heaven" as he called them, begging them or the Creator for forgiveness. But otherwise, he was just babbling.
He's like us. Lews Therin said then. &He's like me. He killed.*
Who?
Those who were his family.
No. Who are you talking about?
I killed my Ilyena.
He sighed again. You are mad. Like Sammael was. "He can be gulled, Mat - Sammael always thinks in straight lines - but is there any opening he can slip through? If there’s any mistake, thousands will die. Tens of thousands. Hundreds will anyway, but I don’t want it to be thousands.” he said that more to himself than to Mat. Not even to Lews Therin - himself.
"But, what about him?" Mat asked, expecting Rand to know. "You really don't think he's a big thing?"
"Maybe." Rand said. "Maybe the Pattern or the Creator himself sent him as help or temptation." Then he narrowed his eyes. "Or maybe the Dark One himself sent him here. Maybe he is even one of the Forsaken." Lews Therin did not agree, however. "You see it makes sense, right Mat?"
Mat looked down at his boots. "Yes...I think I know what you mean. But...Light, what if he is an ally? You can't refuse help, you know?"
Lews Therin scoffed and, honestly, Rand would have too. He has been refusing "help" ever since killing Rahvin. "Don't worry about him, Mat. He is my burden now. What you need to do is stick to the plan."
"But, there is something off about this, Rand..."
"Don't worry about it." He insisted. "Just stick to the plan."
"That is all?" Mat expected something more. What is it? "That is all you have to say?"
"Yes. That's all." He opened the door, not even looking back. "Sleep, Mat. You'll need good rest tonight." Rand closed the door, continuing his way through the red corridor that was covered in light of only few torches. He made some light himself, weaving Fire and Air together. The Maidens were, at the moment, absent, and had left him alone there.
Two hundred and five. That is how many people had died when he fought Rahvin excluding Aviendha and Mat and who, unlike them, stayed dead. And Mangin...He was hanged this morning. I watched it. That was all he could do for him. The young Aiel was much like Mat, and had a great respect for Rand, wanting to protect his honor. He cursed Aiel honor three times when that happened. Aiel customs, Aiel culture and all of it. And he cursed Andoran stupidity, Andoran pride and Andoran carelessness. Lews Therin instead behaved practically and cursed them both. Wetlander, Andoran, Aiel...it's all the same. Bands of babbling idiots, both talking of honor, when they can't even agree what that word means.
How many more needed to die because of such pathetic views of honor? The Forsaken also wanted honor - honor and glory. Demandred, Sammael and Lanfear wanted it most of all. Did it make it any better? Lews Therin seemed to actually wonder about that.
He wondered again. He hated it. Hard as stone. I must be hard. Light, I must. The man can stay for now. If he is an ally, good. If he is an enemy, good - he knows how to handle him quickly. As easy as Rahvin.
He extinguished the lights, allowing sound and smell to lead him instead. He woke up the next day, still feeling tired.

I (27F) work for a big apartment complex. I’ve been working here for a little over a year. There are several employees who live onsite and get discount on rent. I live alone in a one bedroom apartment that goes for around $1.3k and I only pay $200 for rent. One of the owner’s daughter (29F) lives in the state where the apartment complex I work for is located and she has recently decided to move into an apt here.
One day she asked me to babysit 2 of her 3 dogs for a week because she was going out of town. She paid me $34/day to babysit them. I walked them 5 times a day (including during my one hour lunch break) and at 5am (I usually wake up at 8:30am) Her dogs are basically puppies, have a lot of energy and were not really trained. After that week I was extremely exhausted.
A month later she asks me to babysit them again for a week. At this point I didn’t really wanted to babysit them but was scared to say no. When she dropped of her dogs she handed them to me right away and put all their things on the floor when my car was 3 feet away. I was struggling with her dogs and loading everything into my car while her dogs were pulling me all over the place and had diarrhea. She saw me and all she said was “omg i feel so bad, let me pay you” as she proceeded to leave. (btw she never paid me that day)
After babysitting for one day she texts me saying if I wanted to I could leave the boy dog in her apartment with the 3rd dog she didn’t ask me to babysit. I told her it was okay since I was going to be home all day. Then after a little back and forth she just said that she felt bad that the 3rd dog was going to be alone since she was leaving to a party. So I told her I could babysit the third dog while she was at the party. After she came back she took 2 of her dogs. The next morning she came to drop off the boy dog like she said she would but also left her 3rd dog again. She did not say anything and just left and told me she would be back in 4 hours. I was very upset because she never asked me if I could take care of her 3rd dog that day she just dropped it off and said NOTHING. I felt forced because it was not part of the deal. I volunteered the previous day just for that night. Anyway, 4 hours passed and I didn’t hear anything from her. 6, 7, 8 hours and nothing. By the 10th hour I finally had the courage to text her and she said she was on her way. After this incident I realized how she is always friendly, smiley and considerate before she asks me for something. Once I say yes she turnes into this inconsiderate extremely snotty person.
Last week she asked me If I can babysit her dogs again but this time I told her I wasn’t going to be able to. AITA for saying no even though her family helps with the rent, at some point I feel like they feel I should say yes to anything they ask because of this.

Chapter V

Two Kinslayers

"Has anything changed?"
The man, if he could thought of as a man, was covered in black robes. He refused to wear anything else, murmuring in his foreign language at every word, move or sound of others.
"Is he any better?"
As good as us, Lews Therin said. He's a killer, like I am.
Shut up.
Alanna and Verin both inspected him. Looking up, Rand noticed Mat, Aviendha and the Maidens of the Spear were all terrified of him. The Aiel women did their best to hide it, but he still saw it in their faces.
"Moriñgotho." the man said. "Moriñgotho enutúlie." The word "Moriñgotho" was the one he kept repeating all the time.
"He is..." Verin said bewildered, staring at him still. "He is...fine. There is nothing wrong about him. His body is completely healthy. No scars, no wound...he is completely fine."
Alanna touched his head. "Light! It's the opposite. His body is stronger than any of us. He is in better shape than anyone I've ever seen."
"Eru apseni. Ilúvatar, apseni. "
"He is stronger. Taller. Healthier than anyone I had ever seen."
Rand nodded, looking down at the man. He was still shaking and murmuring. He was not looking at any of them or anything at all. His grey eyes were completely absent. Rand barely needed to even lean to touch the man - even when sitting, his head and shoulders were close to Rand's. Rand removed his thick black hair, in his hand feeling it very smooth, looking at his ears. "Pointy? He has pointy ears?"
"Yes." Verin said, looking at the other one. "I don't understand it either." His ears were not slightly pointed: rather both ears were noticeably longer than of any ordinary man. Not abnormaly so, but noticeably. "Maybe he was just born that way."
"If he was born at all." Mat added.
The Aes Sedai looked at him, visibly irritated, with Alanna biting her lip. "And why exactly are you questioning that?"
"Why? Oh, I have no idea. Maybe because he fell from the bloody sky?"
"Cauthon!"
"Stop!" That was all Rand needed to say to convince them. Shutting up an Aes Sedai or Mat was an impossible task sometimes.
"Moriñgotho." the man continued. "Moriñgotho."
"Is he speaking real words or is he just...stuttering?"
Like you, maybe? Lews Therin chuckled.
Verin did not answer immediately. She kept listening to him for a while. "Those are real words. But..."
"But what?"
"I don't know what language it is, Rand." she said bluntly. "And I don't think anyone in the world does."
"Moriñgotho. Moriñgotho."
"That word he is repeating." Aviendha said. "Maybe it is his name?"
Rand looked at the man again. He was repeating that word all the time, yes - but he did so with terror. It seemed like he said it always as quickly as possible, just to end it. "No. It's not a name. Not his at least."
"How do you know?"
"I do." Aviendha and the Maidens rumbled about "wetlanders" when he said that. He placed the hand on his shoulder, slightly shaking him. "Listen to me..."
"Moriñgotho. Moriñgotho." he said. "Morikotto. Morkotho?" He looked at them once, as if waiting to be corrected, but then continued... "Moringotto. Moriñgotho."
He's lost his mind, Rand thought. Is he a channeler? And yet somehow, Rand doubted that was the case.
"What do we do with him?" Mat asked. "He needs help."
"And what do you want us to do, Cauthon?"
"Heal him."
Verin scoffed. "From what? Have you heard what we said? There is nothing wrong with him."
"Light, woman, he is mad! Rumbling the same thing over and over again!"
"Morkotho. Moriñgotho. Morgotto? Morikotto."
"You can Heal him, can't you?"
Alanna was frustrated with Mat's tone, but she felt Rand's answer to that. Just try if you dare. She bit her lip. "One Power can heal all wounds of the body, Cauthon. All except death itself. That is true. But no one, not even in the Age of Legends, was ever able to heal any mental illness or insanity itself. That is impossible. At most the Compulsion can be reversed, but that is all."
Mat looked at him. "Rand?"
Rand just shook his head. Lews Therin remembered some type of Healing of the mind, but... It came from him, not the Creator. You are still mad, though.
Mat kept looking back at the man. "We can't just leave him."
"And what will we do, Mat?" Rand asked him, almost deciding to turn back. "We cannot help everyone." Curse me, but we cannot.
Davram Bashere looked at the man, then at Rand again. "With all due respect, Lord Dragon, everyone saw him fall from the sky. Not only that, but people have said they saw a bright falling star moments before he fell."
"And you think he is that star?" Of all people, Rand never expected Bashere to be superstituos.
"If the possibilities are that narrow?" he shrugged. "I honestly do."
Rand clicked his tongue. And they say male channelers are mad.
"Rand al'Thor." Aviendha said. "No one is lying here. We all saw the star falling."
"Suppose you are all right." He played with buttons on his sleeve. "Let us say there was a star that fell and he was there when it did. Doesn't mean at all he needs to be that star."
Alanna felt frustrated, Rand returning that emotion.
"Rand, look at him!" Mat pointed at the man. "Does he look like an ordinary man to you? And we are all telling you - he fell from the sky!"
"If you do not trust us," Aviendha said. "ask the others in the city."
"The Pattern, Rand." Verin said. "Whoever or whatever he is, the Pattern brought him here."
"And how do you know that?"
"How?" Verin scratched her chin. "Well, I am just an Aes Sedai, after all. However, I seem to remember people do not often fall from the sky."
Sky was filled with fire and ash, then. Lews Therin seemed to have gotten quite talkative at the moment. When I killed her. He started weeping. I killed my Ilyena.
"Moriñgotho."
"I cannot take care of him."
"Who said so?" Alanna commented. "Honestly, you would be the worst person for that, al'Thor."
Rand bit his tongue before answering back. If I don't want her being proud, I must be humble too.
"We will take care of him." Verin said. "We can..."
Rand cut her off with one short glance. "Mat?"
"Yes?"
"You will take care of him."
Cauthon reached his chest. "What?"
"Since you are so eager to help him. And you found him first."
He nodded. "So...I need to go find the princess and take care of this poor man. You want me to clean your toilet too?"
Alanna felt like an injustice was done to her when Rand let that pass. "He is safe with you too."
"This is absurd!" Verin said. "Rand al'Thor, we need him with us! Whatever he is saying must be properly translated."
"Fingolfin..." The man said, with a voice that was almost breaking. "Hanno! Hanno, apseni!"
"He is going where I said he is going - as far away from Aes Sedai as possible." He did not consider them deserving of even a look. "He is going with the Band of the Red Hand. I will not argue about this."
Even Sulin scoffed. "Rand al'Thor, don't you dare be that stupid!"
Davram Bashere just looked to the side during this argument. Insulting superiors was something only the Aiel considered acceptable, as it seemed. Rand continued with his own. "He goes with Matrim, Aes Sedai. My decision is final."
"If you do this, the White Tower will not be on good terms with you anymore. And you need us, Rand al'Thor."
They all stopped as the man stood up from his seat. Standing now almost a head taller than Rand, he gave a glance to each of them. Those grey eyes were deeper and older than the sea itself and the face, again, more timeless than the face of the Aes Sedai. He looked down on them all, then fixing his sight on Rand. He stared long enough for Lews Therin to start rumbling...and then go silent without any interferrence of Rand.
The man walked up to the window, looking over the city. Rand slowly approached him from behind, and the man turned back to him. "Here." he said abruptly.
Rand narrowed his eyes. "What?"
"Here." The man pointed towards the bottom, then to himself. "Here. Stay?" he said, again waiting to be corrected. "Here. Stay here."
"What, you want me to stay here?" The man started nodding, but when Rand pointed at himself, he shook it, then placing a hand on his chest. "No...you want to stay here?"
The man nodded. "Náto."
"I suppose that means yes." Rand said. "Very well. Do you want their help?" Rand pointed towards the Aes Sedai and tried to explains with his hands as best as possible.
The man slowly came to understand it. "No."
"No?"
"No know?" He shook his head. "No! Lá sí. Now not."
"Not now? You do not want their help at the moment? In this place or at the moment?"
"Náto."
"But maybe later?"
"Náto."
"Alright then." Rand said, offering his hand for a shake. "You may stay." Alanna felt like she will scream. The man looked at Rand's hand for a bit before eventually taking it and slowly shaking it. Light, he has a strong shake! he admitted. "Bashere?"
"My lord."
"Find some servants to help our friend. Get him a home or a room."
"At command, lord." he clasped, leaving the room to look for some servants.
When Rand turned, he saw them all staring at him, confused and frustrated, all except Verin. He had no intention to explain himself, not even to Aviendha and Mat. Verin, however, was staring at the man. "He just learned to speak the Common Tongue fluently...within minutes?"
Mat scratched his hand. "Uh...Verin Sedai, he simply babbled a few words."
"That he never heard before or understood." Verin looked towards Rand, expecting him to change his mind.
"He is not a rat you can experiment on." Rand said. "He said he doesn't want your help now. He will ask for it later."
She pursed her lips and closed her eyes. "Rand, please! He is important, whoever he is. We can help him..."
"He will ask for it when he needs it." Rand did not raise his voice and went to leave. "Mat, you come with me. You others can stay or go."
The women all wanted to burn him as it seemed, but he could not care less about it anymore. The room he led them to was Mat's temporary place while he was still in Caemlyn. Rand was not going to change his plans, despite the man's appearance. "Nice place." Rand said. "Not as warm as the Two Rivers, however."
"It is cozy, yes." Mat took a seat on his bed. "But I must admit I miss the Two Rivers."
Tam's gentle voice. The baaing of sheep. What did I do to deserve this? "Make haste slowly, Mat.” He started striding up and down. He never looked in Mat’s direction. He could feel sweat slicking his face, and his jaw was tight. "He has to see it coming. Everything depends on it.”
Mat started taking his boots off. "I know,” he said sourly. "I helped make the bloody plan, remember?”
That was a thing Mat would always say. He missed those days when the two of them, along with Perrin, would just live and rejoice. He found it, at he very least, good he met other people and loved other people after that. That was not encouraging, but it was comforting.
He started thinking of Aviendha then. Mat always had a way with women, he thought. How do you know you’re in love with a woman, Mat? he almost asked, but then brushed it off. Mat already had enough of burden on his own shoulders. Rand did not want to place his own upon him too. And...something pulled those words away from him.
He still did not stop his striding, and he dropped it in as if it fit what he had been saying. "I’ll finish Sammael, Mat. I promised that; I owe it to the dead. But where are the others? I need to finish them all. One at a time, though.” That was all he could do.
What did I do to deserve this?
"There are Dragonsworn in Murandy, Mat. In Altara, too. Men sworn to me. Once Illian is mine, Altara and Murandy will drop like ripe plums. I’ll make contact with the Dragonsworn in Tarabon - and in Arad Doman - and if the Whitecloaks try to keep me out of Amadicia, I’ll crush them. The Prophet has Ghealdan primed, and Amadicia almost, so I hear."
The Prophet. An old word. From an age long forgotten. Even Lews Therin mocked it from time to time. Men who heard voices in their heads, he would often say. So I am a prophet too, am I?
"Can you imagine Masema as the Prophet?" Unimportant question. "Saldaea will come to me; Bashere is sure of it. All the Borderlands will come. They have to! I am going to do it, Mat. Every land united before the Last Battle. I’m going to do it!” He hadn't noticed his voice had taken on a feverish tone.
"Sure, Rand.” Mat said slowly, depositing his other boot beside the first. “But one thing at a time, right?”
One thing at a time. There was a game like that. His voice started breaking. The game my children liked to play. I killed them. I killed them and my Ilyena.
Rand sighed. "No man should have another man’s voice in his head." he muttered. How long has Lews Therin been in there? Rand did not remember when was the first time he heard him. It seemed to him that it happened when Lanfear met him in Tear. That seemed to have triggered Lews Therin to come out. Since then, the Kinslayer just started speaking louder and louder. Very rarely did he say meaningful things. Just babbling about his wife and children, and friends long gone. From time to time, he would speak of creatures of old, or "Angels of Heaven" as he called them, begging them or the Creator for forgiveness. But otherwise, he was just babbling.
He's like us. Lews Therin said then. &He's like me. He killed.*
Who?
Those who were his family.
No. Who are you talking about?
I killed my Ilyena.
He sighed again. You are mad. Like Sammael was. "He can be gulled, Mat - Sammael always thinks in straight lines - but is there any opening he can slip through? If there’s any mistake, thousands will die. Tens of thousands. Hundreds will anyway, but I don’t want it to be thousands.” he said that more to himself than to Mat. Not even to Lews Therin - himself.
"But, what about him?" Mat asked, expecting Rand to know. "You really don't think he's a big thing?"
"Maybe." Rand said. "Maybe the Pattern or the Creator himself sent him as help or temptation." Then he narrowed his eyes. "Or maybe the Dark One himself sent him here. Maybe he is even one of the Forsaken." Lews Therin did not agree, however. "You see it makes sense, right Mat?"
Mat looked down at his boots. "Yes...I think I know what you mean. But...Light, what if he is an ally? You can't refuse help, you know?"
Lews Therin scoffed and, honestly, Rand would have too. He has been refusing "help" ever since killing Rahvin. "Don't worry about him, Mat. He is my burden now. What you need to do is stick to the plan."
"But, there is something off about this, Rand..."
"Don't worry about it." He insisted. "Just stick to the plan."
"That is all?" Mat expected something more. What is it? "That is all you have to say?"
"Yes. That's all." He opened the door, not even looking back. "Sleep, Mat. You'll need good rest tonight." Rand closed the door, continuing his way through the red corridor that was covered in light of only few torches. He made some light himself, weaving Fire and Air together. The Maidens were, at the moment, absent, and had left him alone there.
Two hundred and five. That is how many people had died when he fought Rahvin excluding Aviendha and Mat and who, unlike them, stayed dead. And Mangin...He was hanged this morning. I watched it. That was all he could do for him. The young Aiel was much like Mat, and had a great respect for Rand, wanting to protect his honor. He cursed Aiel honor three times when that happened. Aiel customs, Aiel culture and all of it. And he cursed Andoran stupidity, Andoran pride and Andoran carelessness. Lews Therin instead behaved practically and cursed them both. Wetlander, Andoran, Aiel...it's all the same. Bands of babbling idiots, both talking of honor, when they can't even agree what that word means.
How many more needed to die because of such pathetic views of honor? The Forsaken also wanted honor - honor and glory. Demandred, Sammael and Lanfear wanted it most of all. Did it make it any better? Lews Therin seemed to actually wonder about that.
He wondered again. He hated it. Hard as stone. I must be hard. Light, I must. The man can stay for now. If he is an ally, good. If he is an enemy, good - he knows how to handle him quickly. As easy as Rahvin.
He extinguished the lights, allowing sound and smell to lead him instead. He woke up the next day, still feeling tired.

I am M about to turn 24 in a few days. For the past few days I am not feeling too great about myself and have developed some self doubts about myself. This is happening due to various different kinds of things happening around me and I feel like because people are kind of anonymous and looking to help out people maybe I can share my story with you guys.
I come from a typical Indian middle class family living in India. I completed my Masters last year and placed in a good US-based company with an average salary as compared to my colleagues from college placement. It required me to move to a different city which I did but days later my grandma passed away and I was back home for a few weeks. I went back and was settling in the city but a month later I was shocked as my grandpa passed away too. It hurt me a lot as when my grandma passed away, she was not doing very well for the past few years since she had a brain hemorrhage but grandpa was well and was hoping to see him again during Diwali. The last telephonic conversation I had with my grandpa was just a few days ago and his last words to me were "It would be too late when I see you again." Those words still hurt me as I have been living with my grandparents since I was born and I was supposed to call him on the day he passed away. I was too sad until I went back home for a month and was not ready to return back. But I had to and I did return. Once again I had to kinda start over and settle again. But again a mishap happened to me a few weeks later as I fell into an open sewer and injured my leg as it punctured wounds and was swollen due to the impact due to which it was swollen and I was asked to have a bed rest. I was too ashamed to ask people for help but my office colleague who was also my roommate helped me a lot and one more office colleague who lived near me helped me too. I will always be thankful to them as they were there for me.
It was settling in and it came to the FIFA WC Final. Lionel Messi vs Kylian Mbappe. It was my idol's last shot at glory. I was left heartbroken 8 years ago and would have had some kind of mental breakdown if not for that Emi Martinez save. And he finally did it. It was the best day of my life. I celebrated the whole night and couldn't sleep. It was like yeah nice guys don't always finish last. I had hoped that it was the sign that good things were going to happen to me. It kind of went smoothly for a few months after that as I visited my family after a gap of more than a month. We had happy times and I thought now I could finally settle back and focus on my career. But life had other plans for me.
My company was hit by the recession or as they said so. Investors backed out and the reserves depleted. All the employees had to face a delay of over a month for salary and some of us had to ask home for money to cope with the daily needs too. Bangalore is a great city no doubt but rent and cost of living is too much. I had taken on all the employees who moved from different cities living there. After some time it came to the point people had to ask for money but didn't have money to repay the previous one. Salary was due for 2 months now. So the whole office decided to move back to their home and start searching for new jobs. It was a bittersweet moment as you are expected to support your family at this age rather than ask them for help.
I was able to survive on my own as my parents never asked me for anything. They have always said we don't need your money and just invest it and look out to only spend on what your wants and needs are. I have already decided to look out for a new job prior to coming back home. I was totally active and even got an opportunity to sit for an interview but didn't hear back from them. I was happy back home as I was back with my friends and things were kind of back to normal as we were still due on our salary since February and though we are still getting paid but with a delay of more than 2 months at times and that too in parts of our salary. At home the expenses are not too much so it's easy to not worry about the salary and live a normal life. As actively I am looking for a job I have asked all my cousins for help for referrals in their company or in any other company where they have contacts. They are wholeheartedly happy to look out and are helping me.
Some time has passed since then and a few weeks back my cousin got engaged. I am happy for him as he will spend the rest of his life with the love of his life . As he is only 2 years older than me, in a typical Indian household it is implied that the next number is mine. People keep asking me if I have anyone my answer has always been no as I have never been in a relationship or so. Never had anything casual or serious. Never went on a date. Too shy to talk with girls. Yeah that's me. I'm the problem. It's me. Hopeless romantic all my life thinking someone would approach me but naah who likes curvy and good guys. I did develop a crush on different girls but either they had a bf or they didn't want the relationship thing. I have been trying for the past 8 years to no avail. I never thought about that too much until recently. Maybe it's because I am seeing all my cousins getting married to the love of their lives or maybe I am starting to think I will never find someone. My parents are too supportive of love marriage so that was never the issue. All my friends are currently dating and it does hurt to see myself lonely at times. I always thought I would fall in love and be the happiest man ever but will I ever be ? These kinds of thoughts spiraled through my mind for a few days but I focused on searching for a new job as my career is more important right now.
Cut to current, I have completed a year at my current and first job. It's been more than 3 months since I started searching and except for that one interview no luck. I did get a call for a new opportunity but I was not too keen as it didn't suit my profile. I have tried all the hacks that you see on social media but still no success. I have to be home all the time as it's a WFH thing but due to all the mess at my company right now, I have no work at times. I joined the gym again and visited it daily. But at home, I am totally a couch potato. Everyday I get scolded by my parents for something or other but I know they are just looking out for my good. At times when I meet my friends all they have is to talk about their better half or just nerdy things. I am always idle and don't feel like doing anything. I have grown apart from my office colleagues as they barely try to talk with me as they did before. They only reply when they have work from me. My best friends are busy. I don't get much time to talk and I also feel like not talking much nowadays. I feel like a liability towards my family and friends.
As I am writing this down I just felt what am I doing with my life. Am I making some wrong choices ? Why am I trying so much if things are not gonna my way ? Why is my destiny testing me so much ? Am i not deserving of getting loved by someone ? What have I done wrong that people close to me don't talk to me now ?
All these questions have led me to take a break from all forms of social media and I feel too disconnected towards all the things I am doing. I just wanna feel better but I don't know what I need to do.
EDIT: Please feel free to reach out if you feel you have any suggestions for me