Let your light shine down lyrics

Hey there, and thanks for reading my post.
I’m looking for new Roleplay partners that may be interested in this writing style; 2-5 paragraphs, detail oriented, dramatic/depth driven story. Preferably someone over 25.
I unfortunately am not a fan of canon characters, animeverse, Slice of life, superheros or big futuristic plots. Sorry! I am one to focus on a point where characters are broken down and rebuilt, haunted, or need to break a barrier. Not always, but the easy going style isn’t my style. 🩵
I do have experience in multiple other genres, however, and a bit of longevity in the hobby itself. I use Discord for the platform, can reply multiple times a day, am down for OOC chat (nothing more, there.), can world build, and like to pride myself in bouncing off of my partner.
I am also the type to challenge my partner. Writing is so intricate, and I am a sucker for the element of surprise and that edge-of-your-seat feel. To list a few genres I’ve done or am interested in; Noire, Medieval settings, political corruption, underground cults, religious inspired stories like demonology centered plots, Victorian Gothic, supernatural, corporate espionage, mafia, something sea bound with pirates, something northern bound with Vikings or the like, I’m quite versatile!
If you feel we’d get along, shoot me a message with your discord handle and let’s see if we mesh!

Hi everyone,
Sorry for the long post in advance. I was hoping to give a quick history of my symptoms for the past six months and hear some of your feedback and/or questions.
I’ve been dealing with sciatica for the past 6 months, possibly caused by lifting a heavy desk.
The first month I didn’t really know what was happening and hoped it would pass.
It got worse so I went to my doctor after a few months and he said likely lower back mechanical issues, said he thought it was not disc issue, and sent me to physio.
Physio said he thought it was a disc issue and set me up with core strength, side plank, bird dog type exercises. I did them religiously and he increased their difficulty for 2 months but things were getting slowly worse week by week.
I did tell my physio 2-3 months back that it’s weird my left leg feels longer than my right but he didn’t think much of it.
There have been days where the pain is less, but generally I feel pain in down my left side only. In my buttocks 24/7, up into my lower back I feel it most of the time, and then down my hamstring, back of my calf, sometimes around the front of my lower ankle as well, both heels get numbness (probably more of a pins and needles feeling since I’m not physically losing sensation) and my toes as well, mostly left big toe but sometimes the other 4 on that foot too.
I was not seeing progress with physio and did read back mechanic a few times and my pain is mostly all flexion related.
Getting my left shoe on is very painful and challenging.
I did the big 3 in addition to my physio for a few days but I actually seem to be getting worse and really stopped all my exercises at that point because I was feeling near constant pain since then. I’ve been just resting and icing and light walking for probably 45 days now with zero progress.
Since it was not getting better I went back to doctor for imaging request plus new issue I noticed, alignment is bad in my back.
Two images of my poor alignment.
My doctor felt my SI joint from behind (didn’t even need to look at me with shirt off like these pictures) and told me he is certain it is a problem with my SI joint.
What’s interesting is now that he has told me this the pain that I was certain was in my piriformis area really does seem to be directly on that SI joint.
next steps My doctor said he is very confident. It’s not a disc issue now and also that a CT scan or MRI would had no value.
He suggested seeing a chiropractor. Personally, I’m not a fan of chiropractors and I’ve never been to one due to some bias instilled in me throughout my life. I told him as much and he suggested he almost never suggests chiropractor either except with SI joint issues.
I’m still waiting for the hospital to get back to me about scheduling a CT scan but I do have a MRI scheduled for next week, so I’m hoping that provides some information one way or another.
The pain is pretty bad most mornings, mellows out during the day, and by evening it’s bad again. My doctor has offered medication, but so far I’m only taking Advil, ibuprofen, and more recently some muscle relaxers in the form of Robax usually in the evening an hour or so before bed.
What do you guys think about these images, the “diagnosis” thus far, thoughts on medication or not, injection for both pain relief or SI diagnosis (my doctor is always 100% sure he’s right just by looking, but I’d prefer a confirmed diagnosis and saw a surgeon speaking on YouTube about the injection method) and what would your next steps be?
Thank you!!

Hello ladies, ever had an online date that turned out to be a total catfish? Or perhaps an encounter that was just plain terrible? I think we've all had a few of those, right?
Dating apps claim to create authentic connections but we often hear horror stories. It's really frustrating.
Tell us about your worst experiences, the times when you felt let down by the lack of authenticity, the fake profiles, or even worse.
Your stories could make a difference - they might even help someone avoid a bad experience. So, type away and let's navigate this together.

Ash is one of the most complicated legends in Apex, interesting lore and great design but lacks in the areas of utility. Her passive is fine but her tactical and ultimate are rough. Even though they finally buffed the Arc snare's traveling speed it's still not the best ability compared to other tacticals, and her ultimate is unfortunately overshadowed by better or more efficient mobility ultimates or tacticals. I had some really cool small buff ideas that might help out the character
Tactical: Arc Snare: I have 2 buff ideas for her tactical and 1 Quality of life changes

1. Snare duration increased from 3 to 4 seconds

This would be a huge change for the tactical. Personally 3 seconds doesn't feel enough for a small area confinement. Most of the time before I get to my target that has been tethered the AOS breaks and they can escape. The extra 1 seconds allow to make the ability overall just stronger, actually traping an enemy to a small space instead of the small mobility stun.

1. Legends abilities are disabled for the duration of the tether

Most legends ironically can't escape the tether except a hand few, this buff will actually help out with. Plus it will also allow tethered targets not have the power to capitalize their confined space. Making enemies purely rely on their weapon skill if they get pressured or to wait out the duration of the tether.
First Quality of life change: Ash can now use Arc snare when healing and shooting.
This is a general consensus from the community, and I agree. There are multiple legends already in game that can shoot and heal when using there tacticals if it's in there left hand. Ash uses her left hand when casting her ability so why can't she also heal and shoot at the same time. Implementing this change will just make her tactical deployment smoother.
With all these changes to the tactical it will actually allow the tether to feel strong and actually make enemies feel like their trapped. Plus adding more fluidity since you'll be able to shoot or heal when activating the snare. (However I will say increasing the cool down time back to its original 25 sec will be ideal)
Ultimate: Phase Breach: I have only 1 buff idea

1. Your able to hold 2 charges of the ultimate

This is a unique buff that could be considered. The General consensus of the community is to increase the actually distance of the phase breach, which I agree to some what of a degree but not fully. Ash is an aggressive engagement Legend she uses her mobility to capitalize on enemies not wide scale map rotation. Just increasing her distance on the ultimate puts her more in line with a Skirmishers and that does jeopardize her identity.
However implementing the power to stack 2 ultimates actually achieves increased distance but doesn't ruin her identity as an assault legends. It will work simlar how vantages ultimate works. This allows for a multitude of utility. Either by chaining your ultimate (creating that increased distance we all want) or giving ash more opportunities when in a fight for instance as an example:
You can use 1 phase breach to rush a target and if things go sour in a fight you can use or other phase breach to escape, or opposite escape to heal then rush your targets.
It opens alot of new creative ideas with Ash and it can also promote short range rotations or finally gives Ash a back door to evacuate.
Anyway sorry for this rate but I hope you guys enjoyed my ideas and let me know if you have feedback!!!

I'm so tired of this life.
31 years old. Single. Still haven't found someone who I can just be myself around, who doesn't take every damn ounce of energy I give returning nothing, who encourages me, motivates me, grows with me. I'm Trying not to compare myself to others but EVERY GOD DAMN FRIEND on Facebook was married at 21 and has kids now.
I want kids. A girl and a boy. I want to teach them about this world and see their eyes light up and help them become beautiful people. I want to see my parents play with them and have so much joy. I want to know that a part of me will live on even if I die.
I want a companion by my side, but also who fends for themselves, who's smart and funny and tall and amazing. Who can guide me, follow me, share this time with me. And who's at least ok in bed. Who shares my skepticism at others and the world, but never lets it get in the way of experiencing life.
I want the other half. I know people say "work on yourself" and "become whole on your own" but I fucking can't. Every thing I do makes me think about how I'm missing Them from my life and I know, I KNOW that we are social creatures and we do NEED that companionship. We shrivel and grow old and angry, alone forever if we don't find someone now.
But most of all, I don't want to think about this anymore. I don't want to think if whether this or that makes me a better person to be with; I just want to be myself GOD DAMN IT. I want to be loved and to love. If love is an infinite sphere, I am outside it looking in. I hate this. I hate my life. I hate where I ended up. I hate how I think. I hate. I feel myself growing more hateful a very tiny bit every day, and I hate it.
I just want the little piece of life that everyone else has.
I just want to be done.
I don't want to be alone.

The point of this post is to adress the numerous "souls vets" that pop up everywhere and wonder why they aren't succeeding with nioh.
Firstly:
being a souls veteran doesn't matter when it comes to nioh. Nioh is not souls. Nioh is nioh. If you come ro this series expecting dark souls, your gonna find yourself dying A LOT. Take all of your souls habits, stamp on them and bury them.
Now that is out of the way, some actual advice:
Ki pulsing is something you should learn to do ASAP. Ki is the very core of nioh's combat. If it runs out and you get hit, expect nothing but death unless you get lucky. By using the ki pulse, you can recover most of the ki spent on other actions allowing you to keep the aggression up. Do not worry however, enemys are just as susceptible to the downsides of ki as you are. Deplete theirs completely and you can grapple them for massive damage. You can also use this knowledge to stunlock yokai if you play perfectly.
Next is stances. At the beginning, I recommend experimenting with stances for your weapon and seeing what works best for you. As you progress further however, you are going to want to learn how to flux by ki pulsing on a stamce switch. Fluxing increases the ki recovered by a ki pulse amd combined with the ability to assign different skills to different stances can allow for incredibly versatile builds.
Which stances do what then?
Well high stance is slow but hard hitting, low stance is fast but deals less damage and mid stance is a balance between the two. Each stance also has skills that can only be used while in that respective stance that creates a unique playstyle for each. For example mid stance has plenty of abillitys centered around countering incoming attacks whereas high stance has many abillitys focused on big numbers. Low stance is where all the anime attacks are at. Fo your first ng cycle, you can get away with just using 1 stance but the higher you go, the more likely you will want to invest in some other stances. There is also the sheathed stance which has a select few skills designed around buffing or rapid and deadly attacks.
Guardian spirits: guardian spirits are incredibly important to nioh. They provide many passive bonuses(some completely unique) that prove useful as you progress. They also come with a unique ability to that spirit that can be used in living weapon/yokai shift or with a guardian talisman. A personal favourite of mine is blue dragon who can counter an attack and then dive bomb the enemy for massive dps burst.
Guardian spirits work differently in each game though. In nioh 1, you can use them to enter "living weapon" which adds a range extension and an elemental buff to your weapon. Your hp and ki is replaced with a guage that depletes when you perform actions or take damage. After its empty, living weapon is over. In this state, you become god. You take no damage, gain hyperarmour on everything, gain hyperspeed and your damage numbers go through the roof. One could attempt to make this seem balanced but it just isn't. Its incredibly broken and you should make use of it whenever you can. Absorbing amrita(souls) charges the spirits guage and when full, you can trigger living weapon.
In nioh 2, you get yokai shift. Instead of becoming god, you become a yokai. You have 3 states; feral, brute and phantom each with a different moveset. They each can equip soul cores obtained by defeating yokai and then use them as new abillitys by spending anima(the purple bar under your hp) that fills when you land hits on enemies or have a scampuss following you. Early recommendations include ippon datara and gozuki, they'll make the early game much more manageable. Each soul core also has a type to match the 3 yokai forms and perform better with spirits of that form. Uppon triggering yokai shift, you morph into your yokai state with a completely new moveset. Phantom focuses on long range attacks, feral focuses on rapid speed and meelee attacks whereas brute unleashes your inner bonk to bring the slam down on enemies.
Each yokai form also has a burst counter that can be used to counter attacks that glow red. Doing so stops the enemies entire combo and restores a hefty amount of anima alongside ither things. Note you need 1 anima to use a counter. You should learn to do this asap as well. Each state has a different type of counter though and not all counters work on every attack. Phantom has no windup(great for animation cancelling) and functions as a stationary block. It requires the most precise timing but functions as a complete block should you whiff the counter. Feral is a dodge that leaves behind an afterimage. If the enemy hits the afterimage, they are countered. If you miss the counter, it still functions as a dodge. The brute is the slowest of the 3 and swings a massive hammer to knock the opponent out of their attack. This is usefull as it can prevent the attack from going off before the tell is even finished unlike the other 2 and can counter bursts that don't initially start as an attack. The downside is that some bursts are just too fast for the brute. If you miss the counter, it transitions into an attack that bitch slaps the enemy.
Next, get into the habit of blocking. Unlike souls, nioh's primary defense option plays more like sekiro. Im not sure what William, wolfs and hide's swords are made out of but they can block damn near anything. You don't need to time a block perfectly(although some effects do reward it) and it will block any and all physical damage. Elemental damage is reduced to mere chip damage in most cases as well.
Why am i getting one shot?
This is a common occurrence in nioh. Get used to it. It happens a lot. Nioh rewards perfect and precise play and discourages carelessness. Observe your surroundings and play at your best. Nioh gives you the tools to completely destroy anything before it gets the chance to fight back. It also gives the enemies those same tools. Use every mechanic at your disposal. Block if you need downtime.
Onmyo and ninjutsu, the magic system of this game is split in two parts. You can unlock them through their respective skill trees. After that, ready them at a shrine and assign them to your quick slots. Do note the two clases play very different from eachother. Onmyo specialises in elemental attacks and passive buffs whereas ninjutsu prioritises cunning traps, mass debuffing and throwing a multitude of kunai/shuriken. These 2 will factor into your playstyle heavily eventually but are hard to get a grasp on at the beginning. Don't rush into them and take your time.
Loot system. This is not souls. You don't find the battered wings of a butterfly and a helmet the size of midir and decide that is how you will look the rest of the game. You dont stick with the same twig you've been swinging around either. This game has a diablo style loot system where you will be flooded with gear that have many effects you don't have a clue about. Thankfully, the game does have ingame menus to help you with this and they can prove useful. Keep swapping out your weapon for a better one. Temper your gear for the best effects to suit your needs. Ensure your gear levels aren't lagging behind. Taht is something you will have to get used to. That said, it also makes the build variety absurd in these games.
Weight. Do not go above 70%. 30 - 70% is fine. 29.9% or below is sanic mode. Keep in mind though that this will directly affect your defenses. The lighter gear you use, the less toughness you have and as such your defense are weaker. Your agility raises gowever and your evasive abillitys get faster. Go above 70% however and your ki recovery starts getting taxed. You don't want that.
Next is debuffs.
For a start, any elemental attack builds up its respective debuff, in addition, there are effects that can be applied to both yours and your enemies geamoveset to add further debuffs. Familiarise yourself with them. Believe me, when you know what half of these do, you will find yourself having certain attacks on the "avoid at all costs" list. The final boss from nioh 2's secobd dlc is an exampme of this. If you need to urgently adress a debuff, use a daion jin sake.
Wind inflicts blustered. This reduces your damage deatlt by 50%(i believe, not too sure on the exact figure)
Earth inflicts muddied. This doubles ki damage taken.
Lightning inflicts electrified. There is a talisman called sloth that is widely considered broken on earlier ng cycles as it slows the speed of anything hit to that of a sloth. Thats for all actions by the way, not just moving. Getting electrified is like getting hit with sloth. Also, it stacks with sloth.
Fire inflicts scorched. This is just a burn effect. You can dash frantically or douse yourself in water to dissipate tye fire.
Water inflicts saturated. This increase damage taken by 20%.
Confused. A very important debuff for any build aiming for high numbers. It is triggered when a target is inflicted with 2 debuffs simultaneously. Confused yokai stagger when you hit them without fail and humans lose most of their speed and ki recovery. All confused enemies take massively increased damage. Keep in mind you can also be confused so don't ever let that happen.
Poison poisons you. What else to say. Lasts longer and deals more damage than fire.
Stench. Consuming anything stuns the inflicted for 3 second. Healing effects are reduced. Can be washed away in water.
Paralysis stuns the target for a sizeable ammount of time. Hitting the target breaks paralysis. You can also grapple paralysed enemies.
Purified(nioh 2 only): can no longer apply buffs, take 50% more ki damage and lose corruption.
Corrupted(nioh 2 only): lose puritu. Take 35% increased ki damage. Yokia inflicted lose maximum ki. Attacker restores ki on hit.
Berserk: deal 50% more damage but doubles ki usage.
Blinded: all projectiles fo in random directions. Enemies blinded no longer track you.
Sloth: give up hope. Just accept your fate.
I hope you have decided what to avoid like the plague.
Next is yokai/dark realm.
Yokai occasionally emit puddles called the yokai realm. This dramatically slows your ki recovery inside. Performing a ki pulse will purify the realm destroying it in the process. A dark realm(nioh 2 only) is a massive yokai realm that can not be purified normally. Instead, you need to kill the yokai creating it to get rid of the realm for good. In bossfights, they frequently call in a dark realm which usually signifies a new phase. They'll exit this once you break their ki or just wait it out.
Anyway, that all i can think of off the top of my headm hope this helps and if you need any nore advice, please ask.

Hey there, and thanks for reading my post.
I’m looking for new Roleplay partners that may be interested in this writing style; 2-5 paragraphs, detail oriented, dramatic/depth driven story. Preferably someone over 25.
I unfortunately am not a fan of canon characters, animeverse, Slice of life, superheros or big futuristic plots. Sorry! I am one to focus on a point where characters are broken down and rebuilt, haunted, or need to break a barrier. Not always, but the easy going style isn’t my style. 🩵
I do have experience in multiple other genres, however, and a bit of longevity in the hobby itself. I use Discord for the platform, can reply multiple times a day, am down for OOC chat (nothing more, there.), can world build, and like to pride myself in bouncing off of my partner.
I am also the type to challenge my partner. Writing is so intricate, and I am a sucker for the element of surprise and that edge-of-your-seat feel. To list a few genres I’ve done or am interested in; Noire, Medieval settings, political corruption, underground cults, religious inspired stories like demonology centered plots, Victorian Gothic, supernatural, corporate espionage, mafia, something sea bound with pirates, something northern bound with Vikings or the like, I’m quite versatile!
If you feel we’d get along, shoot me a message with your discord handle and let’s see if we mesh!

 The closest hema group to me is ~3 hours away. I can make this trip, but not more than 1-2 times a month, as they train in the evenings, and I will be getting home at 1-2 am on a weekday. I read in a book and several forum posts that it is worth it to go to a group with a legitimate instructor, even if not every week. I figure, between going to an instructed class once or twice a month, Practicing on my own using the manuals and videos of manual interpretations, and practicing paired drills and light sparring with friends who know just as little if not less at least once a week, I can improve at a consistent, if not impressive pace. My question is, how do I make the most of the limited time I have with them? Obviously attend the class and pay attention, but is there any other advice that you would have on how to maximize what I get from the class? I was thinking of asking the instructor if he could email me each week just to let me know briefly what they cover in class, so I can at least read up on the concepts and not fall too far behind. If anyone has done anything similar and has advice (or has never done anything remotely similar but still has advice) I would appreciate hearing your thoughts 

My thoughts on my baby being in the NICU

1. I hate that it feels like I need ‘permission’ to see MY baby. I totally understand that I need to check in and show my ID for safety reasons. However, it’s annoying.
2. I have to follow all these rules for MY baby. I can’t just feed her when she’s hungry. When she was on the blue light for her bilirubin levels, I couldn’t just pick her up and hold her. I can’t wear jewelry. I have to use a specific sink to wash my hands before I touch her. I have to make sure the door to the isolette is closed whether she’s in there or not. -It’s hard to pick her up with all her wires and tubes and close the door before sitting in the chair to hold her. - I have seen signs that I’m not suppose to eat in the NICU, but I have ate my snacks because it’s a hassle to leave the NICU and I have to be let back in the room (again safety issue). Besides Dad and I, only FOUR people can see her and only two at a time. Those four people cannot change. There’s also a sign that says no using cell phone while holding baby (I also don’t listen to this, but I DO listen to the rule about cleaning your phone).
3. There’s basically no private time with MY baby. When I’m breastfeeding or pumping, I have a privacy shield thing that goes around me, but it’s not perfect. I keep it around me when I’m done because I like the privacy. We’re just in a big open room with other babies and parents and nurses/staff.
4. Along with no privacy… I feel watched ALL the time, especially if the privacy shield isn’t up. Sometimes.. I feel judged. I don’t want to be watched while I change her diaper. It takes me longer because all these freakin wires attached to her. Not to mention, I’m a first time parent and it’s been a hot minute since I’ve changed a newborns diaper. I also don’t want to be watched while I give a bath, change her clothes, etc.
5. It feels downright WRONG every single time I leave the NICU without MY baby. It’s like leaving my heart behind for strangers to care for it. The feeling is AWFUL.
6. I don’t feel like an active participant in her plan of care. Medications were added without us knowing (multivitamin and iron so nothing crazy), the feeding tube moved, she was moved to a new room, and we have absolutely NO say in when she’s ready to go home. We are just told what they are adding to my breastmilk “just extra calories” no real education about it or if I even have the option to refuse it. I feel scared to say no to anything because 1. I don’t want to be judged or labeled as a complicated mom & 2. I don’t want her stay to be longer. I literally just want her home ASAP. Plus, sometimes you don’t know what questions to ask. You don’t know what you don’t know. I also find it annoying that doctors don’t call and update you consistently. I get not calling everyday if nothing has changed but I think at the minimum, docs should be calling every 3 days. (Docs for adults call a family member everyday if asked/appropriate where I work).
7. The alarms give me anxiety. In nursing school, it’s stressed “focus on the patient, not the machine / treat the patient, not the machine.” Well, it seems like there’s always some alarm going off in here. It makes me look up at her monitor and hope it’s not her. When it is her, I’m thinking “is she okay?! What can I do?!” Most of the time, she fixes her wacky vitals herself and quickly. Now that we are getting close to discharge, I am REALLY discouraged when she, for example, has a heart rate drop. This pushes the discharge date back every time it happens. Back to my nursing school knowledge, every heart rate drop that I have seen with her… she has LOOKED fine. She’s breathing with no color changes and it lasts like a second or two. Soooo it’s just really really distressful, upsetting, and discouraging.
8. The drive back and forth SUCKS! It also sucks to plan around her ‘care times’ (the times that she gets vitals, diaper changed, and fed). That also goes back to I can’t just feed her whenever… she’s on a schedule. But if she were at home, she would be fed when she showed signs of hunger not at specific times.
9. I feel like a LOT of my precious maternity leave has been ‘wasted.’ I haven’t gotten to spend nearly as much time with her as I want because it’s hard staying in this room. Plus, I don’t want to be at the hospital, I actually want to be home, but I want her WITH me at homeeeeeee.
10. I feel like I have missed a LOT of bonding time with my baby. I feel very very robbed of my time with her & the experience I had in mind for delivery / postpartum.

In summary, having a baby in the NICU is really difficult. I will say I know there are rules and schedules for these sweet babies for a reason. Our nurses have been extremely kind and update us when we come here or call. I am VERY thankful for all my daughters nurses & nothing about my post is negative to them. Even the privacy comment, I appreciate them checking on us and making sure we’re okay. It’s definitely taken a toll on me mentally, BUT she has been improving and getting stronger every day. I’m thankful she’s really just in the NICU because she was born prematurely & no other concerns. I know it could be worse and I am so so thankful she’s doing well and I KNOW she’s where she needs to be and the staff are taking good care of her. ❤️

Imo top is where she rightfully belongs, it’s where she was played from day 1 and nobody likes playing a mage and getting run the fuck down by yet another hyper mobile skirmisher. In this thread I go over why I believe her top lane presence has shrunk down in favor of mid and what I think can be changed to turn this around. That said, I’m not saying she shouldn’t be allowed in mid lane, you’re allowed to play the game however you want, I just think this champ is at their healthiest state as a proper top laner, which in turn makes her a viable mid laner, not a champ who is best in mid because she cheeses mages and a situational top to counter pick cheese with. Top lane bruisers typically get some kind of free stat sticks, like resistances, armor pen, etc. Pre rework she got tenacity (and while not free, she had true damage which as you know is strong against tanks, who go top lane). That’s why I think jaksho makes your life so much easier, she has the damage and sticking power by default so that item allows you to not die in 1 second in a team fight. On the flip side you’re forgoing a fighter mythic for a tank one and losing damage because of it, making her late game fall off more than it already does. If we compare this to Jax, his ult is what it is to allow him to do what he does best and not get blown up. Difference between them being that he gets resistances from AD, allowing him to build AD every item while not making any sacrifices in terms of defense thanks to his ult. If they don’t get free stat sticks, top laners are also typically still useful for at least something even if they’re giga behind. Darius has a wide pull, garen has an %hp execute, flora’s entire existence, and so on. Irelia has a 0.75s stun. Her ult is almost entirely just damage since the disarm was removed. Total feast or famine champ. If you disagree with that because I used juggernauts as an example, let’s take a look at top lane divers, Camille and renekton. Camille can jump onto the back line from a screen away and point and click to single out a high priority target with ult, while also getting a free shield. Even in a 1v1 her obscene true damage allows her to murk anyone, no matter how tanky. Irelia gets invalidated by plated steelcaps and frozen heart. No mid laner builds that item though. Renekton can shred armor for free with E and tank twice as much damage thanks to his ult and Q. Irelia brings nothing to the team if not already fed.
Perhaps the least considered facet of her mid lane favor is her complete dependence on BORK and lack of a mythic that really fits. Bork is solely a damage item and as such her durability takes a hit. I wouldn’t have a problem with that if it didn’t impact her defense, just take a look at riven, Jax, and Aatrox who turn their AD into defense. Hell, she even needs it to oneshot minions. As for mythics, you can find a glaring issue with each of them. She doesn’t use the movespeed or slow from stride, your rhythm gets messed up by any sheen item, she doesn’t use the cdr or active from gore, guinsoo’s is just trolling, and jaksho does no damage. Personally, I’d make it so that Bork wasn’t a necessity, still great for damage but not required to do damage. That might even be a Bork thing and not an irelia thing. I don’t know how to make this change without making it op, so I leave that point up for discussion. At the end of the day, she’s still my favorite champion and she is by no means a bad character. even if she’s just a worse version of jax
View Poll

Yeah I know you've heard it thousands of times before, but I'm really saddened by the lack of story mods in Fallout New Vegas, and the ones that do exist (the Frontier and New California) have their own problems that are well known by now. I really love New Vegas but after playing the game so much I just long for a new story. So then I remembered that I have the ability to write pretty well, and I started brainstorming.
This is a relatively new idea so I don't have everything down, but the idea is that you're a Private in the NCR, or optionally a freelance merc hired by the NCR. The mod would start as you're being transported to the front lines in a personel carrier. There could be some banter between the soldiers before the vehicle gets hit and you black out, waking up in a clinic and allowing you to make your character. It is a pretty standard and even cliche start, but it is the best place to use for the character creation in my opinion. Asking your name to make sure you remember, letting you see your face in a mirror to check the damage allowing you to customize how you look, a grip on the vig-o-matic, a quick questionarre including your training (selecting skills) and your traits (This would also allow you to answer why you have a Pip-Boy in the first place and give you a perk/trait based on it, like getting a perception bonus if you scavenged it). After that you could do a basic quest to test your motor functions which could end with target practice.
Afterwards the doctors inform you that you're not on the frontlines of battle, rather you're in a neutral town after a couple scavengers found you half-dead and had the decency to take you with them back home. The doctors would speculate that you're KIA in the eyes of the NCR, give you a name to someone in the town that could help you get the lay of the land, and then send you on your way. You'd be able to explore the town, do a few side quests and talk to the NPC that will give you a few key locations for you to visit (Faction Hubs or a few other towns) as well as give you some tips and tricks for survival.
So far that's all I have, I wanna work on the plot a little more before I start getting into the major factions, but what do y'all think so far? Got any ideas? Feedback? I'd love to get reception on this.

since the sixth grade my mom has always commented about how I act and dress. mainly comments about my body. she would always say that I was overweight and that I needed to lose weight I needed to stop dressing like a boy and start dressing like a proper girl. sixth grade is when I started self-harm and I stopped eating more than a single meal a day 7th and 8th grade got a lot worse to the point where I was no longer eating and I was just slowly destroying myself. in high school I had a group of friends that got me to at least eat a meal a day and try to get me to stop hurting myself but I never that I really stopped. she would always make comments about how a shirt would fit me or how I look in a skirt or a dress or how I did my hair and it got to me a lot cuz I'm going into an area where it's people who dress a whole lot different than me and are very different than me. I was very involved in my church and because of that I wasn't allowed to be a normal teenager I guess I couldn't go out with my friends on the weekend I had church on Sunday morning and had to be there all day I couldn't go out I couldn't go to the movies with friends I couldn't go to the mall and hang out with friends and go look around I couldn't couldn't live my life basically. so the same actually I get commented on about now that I'm in college that I'm not enough it's a constant argument with her and it hurts. I try and buy your food if I'm going out with my boyfriend and I'm coming home late I try to make her life easy when she goes to work to and from trying to make everything else but I'm treated as I'm the only one that can do anything it's capable of taking care of the house. I stopped wearing tight clothing I was only wearing baggies sweatpants and big t-shirts and big sweaters because I didn't like the size I am and I still don't. she's threatened to stab me she's starting to kick my teeth in and kick me out. since January of this year it's been nothing but constant screaming matches arguments and all my other siblings don't get this they don't get yelled at like I do and all on my siblings are adopted or my half Brothers from my dad that I don't see. my dad moved to Texas in March of 2022 it's been hard cuz whenever things got bad here I was just going to my dad's for a day and let everything blow over. I've cried myself to sleep at night and I've almost picked up a knife to harm myself but I didn't my boyfriend's parents have heard my mom scream at me over the phone my boyfriend's seen my mom scream at me and he's hard her thoughts before he's watched me break down crying I've gotten into his car and I screamed and sobbed because I believe my mother hates me I don't think I know everything in the world and I everyone says oh I'm so lucky because I got everything I wanted I did but at the cost of being so mentally unstable that your friends don't trust you with pencil sharpeners or for you to be alone for more than 30 minutes when they know that you're in a bad mental state. I've tried to in my life many times before and still alive. if I'm having a bad mental health day and I go to work I work through my entire shift because to her if I care about my mental health that's being failure. if I come home from school or I come home early from somewhere because of my mental health I'm failing at life. she's always said that I'm nothing and that I should lose weight and I should be skinnier than this and he's my boyfriend's going to leave me because of the way that I act on the way that I dress and that my friends don't like me because of the way that I act and I dress and that nobody will ever like me if I continue to be this way. my self esteem is so low that my boyfriend's picking up the pieces of a broken person and I never wanted to do that to someone I never wanted to be the person to be in love with somebody so much but have them pick up the pieces of what's broken by my own f****** mother. I've been screamed at and yelled at everyday this for me to hide in a room and sit here and question why I'm alive.

Tip: Your hp is always more valuable than those of scavs. There are only 5 agents on the field max, while there can be hundreds of scavs sent. Thats why using 20 or so hp killing a baton scav or 40~ hp killing a winchester as well as unnecessarily exposing yourself to debuffs that can ruin runs is possible the worst thing you could do. This is why its vital to learn parrying and strafing. While strafing does require some luck, with parrying you can completely nullify one melee scav at a time, making looting as well as ration hunting much less costly. It is also important to note, most melee scavs will give you a window to do a full (NORMAL) heavy hit after being parried, but some regular scavs like pitchforks have a much longer stun duration that lets you get more hits in, and some scavs like sledgers and the occasional skinner have a shorter stun duration, only letting you get two (NORMAL) light hits in.
​
Trick: Skinners can only spawn out of pre last-strandeds melee scavs. Those include all combat knife, lead pipe, tomahawk, and spec(ialist knife) scavs. They must not have hair in order for skinner to spawn, and all 4 of those scavs only have light and heavy hit abilities as well as backstabs, no absolvers, grapples(sucks to sucks hidden eru), or dodges.

(This is just something I decided to do. I'm probably not going to finish the story, because I lose motivation quickly. But hey, if I complete it then I officially consider myself the GOAT. This story takes place in an alternate universe, the main character is named Connie. More of his character will be revealed later, but these characters aren't 10 let's start off with that. Barry is around the age of 13-14, Connie is 13 and Dawn is probably 13 as well. There will be some inspiration from both the Manga and the Anime. Without further to do, enjoy the read and possible more reads to come.)
1st Episode : Pilot
It was pitch black, completely.. Kind of peaceful to be honest. Nothing to do, at all and nothing to think about.. Guess it is true. The statement, I mean. That sleep is the cousin of death talk. Kind of depressing now that I'm thinking about it, but hey. I'm not dead, and I don't plan on dying not for a long time. Besides, I still have to find somebody. And I have to find 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 as well..
Light! Bam, right in the face of our Trainer! It was always there, but it was never there for him, well.. Because his eyes were closed before now. His gray eyes stared into the ceiling of his room before he'd begin to lift his head from the softness of his pillow. "𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮.. 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘸𝘢𝘴. 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?-" His mental monologue would suddenly be cut by a personally familiar voice! "Conn!! It's time to wake up!?" Shouted a feminine voice from the bottom of the stairs that led to his room. The Boy who was sitting on his bed would begin to direct his head towards the stairs that led up to his room. "Yeah! Mom.. I'm up...." He responded, sluggishly before he started to lift his lethargic body from the sheets of his bed, soon after he'd pressed his feet against the floor and arched his back in a relieving stretch. "𝘏𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘺.. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘉𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺'𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘤𝘶𝘵" He thought to himself whilst he'd begin to walk towards his closet which he soon after opened. There, he could see himself within his mirror, umber colored bed-head hair, a skinny body that wore an oversized black and white raglan shirt, as well as light gray sweatpants. "𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮.. 𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘯𝘪𝘵, 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘗𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘚𝘶𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘔𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘻𝘺 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵.. 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴" He thought to himself whilst he'd extend his arm out to reach inside his closet..
He could be seen making his way down the steps that led the way downstairs.. obviously. He'd take one last step down before he looked from side to side.. "𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵" He muttered to himself, he directed his gaze towards a clock which let it be known to him that it was actually quite late. 6:47 PM, it was evening.. "𝘖𝘩 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩, 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵" He'd mumble to himself all up before! "𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗡𝗜𝗘!!" a shout could be heard within his ear! After a strong striking of an awkward pose, The usually nonchalant boy so called Connie would quickly karate chop the culprit right now the middle of their head! "What the hell was that!? Why are you so obnoxious!" Connie responded with aggression as the blonde headed boy would respond by grasping at their head. "I withstood a whole day's worth of waiting for you and this is what I get in return?!" The boy replied. "Why'd you have to sneak up on me?!" Asked Connie, he'd place his hands on his waist while he awaited an explanation for his discomfort. "You were knocked out all day! I've been trying to find a way to wake you up all day!.. I have a super duper idea!" "What is it Barry?" "I watched a commercial! And I have an idea, but C'mon you have to come with me! Last to the grass owes some cash!!" The blonde boy, Barry would be seen rushing out of the house, straight out of the door.. "𝘈𝘴 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘦-𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳.." Connie thought to himself whilst he'd take a quick look around. Soon after he stepped towards his couch and gripped one of his backpacks straps. Connie stood up straight and began to walk towards the front door that he'd watched his friend step through.
[ 𝚃𝚆𝙸𝙽𝙻𝙴𝙰𝙵 𝚃𝙾𝚆𝙽. ]
Connie would begin to make his way towards the exit of the town before he got stopped by one of the other locals.. "Hey, Connie!.. Barry's been looking for you all day. Seems like he's finally gotten a hold of you?" "Sadly.. I just woke up, to wake up with nonsense isn't exactly the best way to wake up" Connie responded while raising one hand to his eye to rub the crust from it. "You two are serious about going to Sandgem all by yourselves?" The Local teenager asked to which Connie's face looked as if he'd been to a farm for manure.. "What do you mean? We-.. Sandgem Town?" "Yeah, Barry wouldn't stop talking about it" ".. I gotta go! He knows we aren't supposed to go into the grass, we don't have any Pokémon!" Connie would begin to speed away, the boy that he was conversing with.. "Alright.. Guess I'll.. see ya round, then.." The Boy said whilst he watched Connie run away from him..
[ 𝚁𝙾𝚄𝚃𝙴 201. ]
Like a bull, charging towards it pre! Connie could be seen, his feet stomped against their ground with each step. Through the path, Connie continued his sprint all up until he could see Barry. "Barry, don't!" The usually lethargic boy shouted out to his counterpart. Barry stood in front of the tall grass, his foot practically an inch from the danger zone. The blonde turned his head towards Connie before he'd sigh and cross his arms. "You're slow! I waited twenty hours for you!" Barry said with exaggeration as he somewhat glared at Connie. "You left my house five minutes ago.." The Umber Haired boy responded between pants, his hands on his knees. "C'mon! We're going to Sandgem! I have the perfect idea!!" Barry shouted, he quickly reached out and wrapped his arm around Connie's neck. "Ow- Hey!.. What the hell do you mean? We can't do that with the grass here. Pokémon will attack us, ya' doofus.." Connie would reply in the midst of breaking free of Barry's grasp. "What do you have in mind?" It definitely seemed like Connie felt he was the only one using his common sense right now, and honestly that very well could've been the case. "We just have to sprint! Run through the grass as quickly as possible and Pokémon won't get a chance to attack us!" "That's completely stupid.." With speed, Connie had turned down the suggestion.. "Let's do it" Or not! Barry would gently punch Connie's shoulder in excitement, his eyes shut and a large toothy smile on his face. "Last one to Sandgem has to pay two million!" Barry announced to Connie whilst he'd begin to take a few steps back from the patch of grass that surely had to withhold plenty of Pokémon. "Two million butt kickings in battles, sure" Connie responded, he would begin to take a few steps towards Barry. The Blonde always seemed to bring the best out of him, the excitement to his world. That showed in their competitiveness with each other. "READY! SET!" Barry counted down.. "GO!-"
" 𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗣❕❕❕"
His foot almost in the grass, Barry stood on the tip of one foot and would begin to fall backwards, all up until Connie caught him, luckily.. Connie reached out and caught Barry, however he didn't have momentum on his side, his shoe slipped on the ground and he, as well as Barry, crashed onto the ground.. "Ow...." Is all that came from Barry's mouth. "What in the world were you two thinking!" A male with a slight old and raspy voice could be heard, scolding the boys for their ignorance. Barry would begin to raise his head off of Connie's stomach, he groaned, before he'd place one hand on the back of his head. "What are you made of? Steel?" The Blonde commented on Connie who would similarly raise his upper body off the ground. "I have no questions. I've always known you had a hard head.." The Umber Haired boy responded, before a slight chuckle could be heard.. The two boys would turn their heads towards the culprit. "Huh, what's so-.." Barry cut himself off, Connie's eyes would go a bit wide.. White hair, likely from old age, a bushy mustache, serious eyes, and a big body.. It was, 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗼𝗿.𝗥𝗼𝘄𝗮𝗻..
"Pokémon!!" Barry shouted, he raised his body off of the ground with immense speeds, pushing off of Connie who would crash onto the ground once again. "Um.. What did you say, Young Man?" The Professor asked, before Connie smacked the back of Barry's head after he'd finally gotten off the ground. "Ow!" "Don't mind him, Professor Rowan. He's just a little airheaded" The Boy attempted to prevent Barry from being. Well, Barry. "That is not what I'm concerned about. You two.. were going to go into the grass. Weren't you?" His voice was stern in emotion. The Professor wasn't happy at all. Despite the fact, he loved to see Trainers love Pokémon, he couldn't help but wonder why they would even attempt to go in the grass without the assistance of a Pokémon with them. Connie and Barry, both looked rather puzzled on what to say. They didn't want to say the wrong thing and end up with a ban from getting Pokémon, if that were possible. "Well.. um" Connie struggled to come up with an explanation. "We wanted to get to Sandgem Town! So, we could get a pokémon!" Barry would answer the question with brute honesty, he didn't exactly know what else to say other than that. "You'd go as far as doing something so incredibly reckless?" The Professor asked to which Barry nodded his head with intensity! "Uh.. Let's see...." Professor Rowan would raise one hand to his muscles which he'd rub his fingers in while he contemplated what exactly to do. "Do you two love Pokémon?" The Professor asked to which Barry stomped his foot down. "Yeah! I do! And I'm sure Connie does too!" "Yeah, I love Pokémon as much as my idiot friend here!" Connie would add onto Barry's words to convince Professor Rowan. "I will ask you once again.. Do you love Pokémon?" The Boys heard the Professor, however this time they seemed to get quite impatient. They took a step forward in unison. "YES!" They would respond with conviction, to which Professor Rowan would sigh and place one of his hands on his forehead. "Well, then I guess I'll give you some Pokémo-" Professor Rowan got cut off by a shout. "Professor Rowan! You forgot this!" A Female voice would call out to the Academic who started to turn his head toward the womanly voice, and he saw his star assistant Dawn Berlitz! "Aw! Yes! Perfect timing Dawn, I was just about to give these two boys some Pokémon" Professor Rowan responded to his Assistant who blinked her eyes and fixed her regard to the two boys in front of her. "Oh? Who are they?" The Female asked, she seemed to be rather intrigued with them. "I'm Barry! I'm gonna be the Greatest Trainer of All Time!" Barry answered Dawn, he seemed like he was the happy type. Didn't seem too smart, but hey did he really need to be the smartest in the world to be a great trainer? "And you..?" Dawn pointed towards Connie. "I'm Connie, Connie Grey-" "CONNIE WHO!?" After a slight leap into the air Connie blinked his eyes, surprised with the way he got interrupted by the Professor. "Connie Gray.." The Boy would add, Barry looked at him with confused eyes and Dawn, with looks of high level admiration. "Boy.. I knew it'd happen soon. But today, never crossed my mind" Professor Rowan muttered as he'd pressed one hand against his forehead. "You've sure gotten big. Your Father would've been proud" "My Father?" Connie questioned in conjunction with taking a step toward The Educator. "Yes, he's a great trainer. Practically knew everybody, and those who were skilled trainers knew him as well." Rowan explained all up until he would look toward Barry and then back to Connie. "You two are definitely a Famous Group of Boys aren't you?" He commented before he would nod his head at Dawn, a signal for her to open the briefcase for the Male version of 'Clyde and Clyde'.
Taking the order, Dawn pressed her pointer and middle finger against the lock and soon after she raised the top of the case to give the boys a clear view of what was inside..
A green blanket, that sat in a fertile position, keeping the half and half spheres safe and warm. Three pokeballs placed separately in position to be tended to. "Turtwig.. Chimchar.. and Piplup. These are the Pokémon that you have to choose from" Professor Rowan said, he reached into the briefcase and held one of the Pokeballs. "Pick wisely you two.."

Odelli had been looking forward to the return to this village for some time, for it was the village of Ra-Kotod. And moreover, it was the village that Ledi lived in.
Odelli had known Ledi for years, and he was head-over-heels smitten with her. They were but children when they first met and they first played together in the festival, Odelli had feelings for her. Their friendship had actually been that which brought their parents – his were skilled fishermen, hers were a sugarcane farmer and a palmwood carver, all of some repute in the Skillful Morekah tribe – into an amicable trading relationship, a fact that Odelli planned to take advantage of. As Odelli and Ledi grew, so too did the partnership of Sassayo and Mila and Makbed and Deyadema, and their fortunes doubled and doubled again! But now, Odelli had turned sixteen and Ledi had done so three moons prior.
It was surely young to enter in a marriage pact, but not terribly so. These things could take time, but if they didn’t then more’s the better. And another point in his advantage: both him and Ledi were firstborns, so they would be holding the hand of the deal at every step until final dinner.
Odelli rowed his bamboo boat from the flotilla to shore, past the great cypress trees and moss-covered mangroves, reeds sprouting hither and thither and all around. He finally came to a shoreline and tied his boat to the familiar old swamp maple, and walked the rest of the way to the village. The swamps of Sarootnoh weren’t the nicest, but there at last was bamboo-stilt village of Ra-Kotod. And there was Ledi. And… Another?
Odelli stopped walking. It was poor form to interrupt a potential deal, and it appeared that Ledi was in the throes of putting one together. Her father Makbed was still in their house on the fringes – evidenced by the glow of the hearth within. Her mother Deyadema was still out in those choice fields of sugarcane. But Ledi was in some discussion with the individual. Odelli’s ears burned.
At last, the other man departed and Ledi looked over. Odelli could see her smile from here, and beckoned him to come closer. He came, promptly.
“Oddi!” Ledi almost exclaimed. It’s what she’d called him since they were kids.
“Ledi, it’s good to see you. Who was that other one who was here?”
“Oh, him?” She seemed to slump a bit. “That was Yato. He’s of Skillful Dolphin, and the son of Chief Kassyo. He came to begin marriage pact negotiations.”
“With you?” Odelli was shocked.
“…yeah,” said Ledi.
“That… will you go through with it?”
“My father… we’ve heard rumors about this at the last Monsoon festival." Ledi's family heard rumors about everything, Odelli was always astonished at how much they knew before his family even came to visit. "Yato is twenty-three seasons old, and Kassyo was interested in getting him a bride. And my father… a relationship with a chief would be good for him, even from a lower clan like Dolphin,” said Ledi.
Odelli was silent for a second, mouth opened. “Oddi?” asked Ledi.
“Well…” said Odelli, regaining himself, “what about reinforcing a relationship with a prominent fisherman of Sunfish clan?”
“A fisherman of Sunfish clan? Like Sassayo and Mila?”
“Yes, like Sassayo and Mila.”
A smile crept to Ledi’s face. Odelli was almost amazed that she hadn’t thought of the idea first! “It’d be good for my parents…” she said.
“…and even better if two skillful negotiators helped the deal along,” he continued.
“I think I’ll have to tell my father about this offer and discuss it with him,” she was positively beaming now, “why don’t you bring your houseboat in, and we have the evening meal like friends.”
Odelli had originally came to ask that they could, “Agreed! We’ll be here before sundown. See you soon, Ledi.”
“See you soon, Oddi,” she said with a giggle. They walked off – Ledi to tell her parents of these deals, and Oddi to tell his parents of this arrangement.
-=-=-=-
That had been a season and three moons prior. The negotiations had come to a standstill.
That first dinner had gone so well, and Makbed had been charmed by the entreaties that had been made there. They had a chopped seafood and pepper mix, upon maize flatbreads. A last minute arrangement by Odelli and Ledi, but one that the four parents enjoyed. But then it got bogged down, as it so often did, in the details.
Makbed had thought that binding themselves to Odelli’s parents was a good idea, but Deyadema had urged caution. Ledi told him of the after-dinner private talks that she overheard (and really should not have, by all customs). Deyadema urged caution, especially since Kassyo had expressed interest. They had the sugar-wealth, carving skill, rumor network, and clout that Kassyo needed for the raids he loved so much. And Kassyo was a chief - an energetic, albeit small-time one - that they could rely on with a marriage pact. Deyadema said they valued their working relationship with Odelli's parents, but Ledi had younger brothers and Odelli had younger sisters and brothers. If a chief wanted a prize, then why give it to a fisherman?
The talks had effectively become a dowry bidding war since then, playing out every time they visited Ra-Kotod over moons and moons. At the very least, Ledi’s parents had remained noncommittal. The worst part was that Odelli couldn’t necessarily contest Mila’s logic.
“Oddo,” cried Yato from the other boat, “hey, Oddo!”
Well, maybe not the worst part.
“Yato. What is it?” Odelli said.
Skillful Sunfish had made their last pass at Ra-Kotod about a month previous, where Skillful Dolphin had been waiting for them. Chief Kassyo had proposed to Chief Arrdanayo of Sunfish that they go north. They’d have just enough time to make it all the way to the Aluda to the far north, do the exchanges of gifts and perhaps raid a village or two of everything they had. It was slow going, and unfortunately they had to make many stops at the villages on the way up the coast. And at every stop, Odelli had to interact with Yato. And at the times between. Like now, where some two dozen youths of both clans had decided to do some fishing.
“Oddo! Oddo oddo oddo! Did you get anything?! Any fish biting?! Tell us, Oddo!” Yato said with an awful grin. For someone years Odelli’s senior, he was a constant pest who treated everything like a joke. And he was constantly around Odelli.
“No, Yato. Nothing biting,” said Odelli. They’d been fishing with most of the youth of both clans for hours. Yato’s yammering was scaring away the fish, and many of the Sunfish boys and girls were chumming along with him! That made Odelli boil.
“What was that?! You must speak up, Oddo!”
“Nothing’s biting!”
“Gah, bad day for it,” said Yato, “everyone knows you need to fish at dawn or dusk, or on days when the clouds darken the sky!” Murmurs of agreement from both groups of youths.
“Right you are,” said Tital, the firstborn of Arrdanayo, “Aicul beats down on us. Had we no capes, our shoulders would blister.” She was drenched in sweat as well.
“I propose we have some sport!” cried another behatted youth.
“An excellent suggestion! A round of Taklah-Mat, then? To the flotilla!” cried Yato, already picking up an oar. Odelli sighed. He would be dragged into this… though perhaps that wasn’t such a bad thing. Visions of beating Yato over the head with an oar were circulating through his head. He picked up a paddle, and they made for the flotilla.
As Yato and Tital explained to their parents that nothing was biting anyways, a few others found the healer and the hanyil. Both absolutely essential parts of the game, of course: One to tend to wounds, another to make you forget them. They found a good bit of coast and gathered up the six boats and two baskets they’d need, finally found the buoy and net in the lower deck of Ranyo’s houseboat, and set out to get going with the game.
Taklah-Mat was played with two teams with three boats each (in this case). Odelli had played this version before – three people per bamboo boat, one punter and two divers. The objective was to knock a wooden buoy into an enemy basket with an oar. The buoy could not be picked up in this version (though Odelli had also played a version where you could only while you were in the water). They picked teams – not quite split per clan, there were more in Sunfish than Dolphin, but it was near enough – and picked boats. Odelli ended up a diver, while Yato ended up a punter. Perfect. After each party had had a cupful of hanyil, and their senses had been sufficiently clouded, they were off! And Odelli leapt into the water with his counterpart. While the objective was to knock the buoy into a basket, it surely helped to knock all of another team’s men off a boat, and claim it for yourself! And Odelli had his eye on Yato.
The game was a chaotic mix of frenzied swimming and comparatively slow boats. Boaters were practically shovelling water, trying to move their ships fast to better support the swifter swimmers. The swifter swimmers trying to knock the ball up on a ship for an easier shot at the goal. All the while, swimmers trying to overthrow boaters and steal their ships, to gain the advantage outright. There was the pressure to avoid playing too rough, so as to spoil the game with an ill-timed drowning, but not too soft or else the game was spoilt already.
Eventually, Odelli saw the ball in Yato's possession, but with no defenders on his boat. His opening. Odelli’s fellow diver followed his lead, both swimming under the field of play with their bats. They could see sea-life underneath them, just fishes and sand, maybe three man-heights down. Odelli’s diver got caught up in an undersea wrestling match with the other team, but Odelli had his eye on the prize: Yato’s boat. He gave the boat an initial rock from underneath, to knock Yato off his balance. Then, he tried to board!
Crack! Pain shot through Odelli’s shoulder. He was back underwater, barely able to comprehend what just happened. He moved his arm, and pain continued to throb in it. Yato had hit him. Yato had hit him!
Fury and energy coursed through Odelli’s veins, and he surged out of the water. He could barely see as Yato’s eyes grew wide, and Odelli slammed his club into Yato’s gut. He doubled over, but Odelli beat down on him again. And again, and again. Yato grabbed him, and they both went into the water, now both wrestling as well. Odelli’s club beat Yato many more times, and Yato’s club slammed against his shoulder again. Finally, both were fished out, and laid out across Yato’s boat. Tital looked down at them, as did the healer.
“Nobody’s even scored a goal yet, and already you’ve both lost control of yourselves,” said Tital, “what are you thinking? You both want to drown?”
Yato spat seawater at Odelli, “What’s your problem, Oddo?”
“I-aghhh…” Odelli said, trying to sit up but wincing. His shoulder throbbed harder than before.
The healer sat Odelli up, and looked at his arm, “Too much roughhousing,” said the healer, “He needs to go back to the clans.”
“Well, that’s the day spoiled,” said Tital, “Did you have to beat him so hard, Yato?”
“I’m sorry, I thought we were playing Taklah-Mat. Not just splashing around in the water,” said Yato, spitting again. Tital’s eyes narrowed. “Besides,” said Yato as he stood up, “did you not see how Odelli was pounding on me?!”
“He’s maybe half your size, Yato. He needs to pound on you to do anything! Look, between the two of you, you’re the one who can stand!” said Tital.
“And you’re defending him? Unbelievable,” said Yato. Yato then reached down, and grabbed Odelli by the shoulder, searing with pain.
“I’ve tried to be nice! I’ve tried! Everyone has seen how Yato has tried!” He gesticulated around, to some nods, “But that was the last straw. I was trying to be reasonable, I know how you’ve known Ledi your whole life, but that ends now. I know this is about her.” How did he know that? “I do not want you to have anything to do with me, or Ledi, or anyone I care about.”
“That’s too far, Yato,” said Tital, “I won’t have any part of this. You can't tell him to let go of a lifelong friend, no matter who you are.” Odelli’s vision was swimming, and Yato dropped him. Odelli fell in the water, and the healer dove in after him. By the time Odelli was hauled back up on the ship, most of the Dolphin youths had left. Tital was still there.
“You really have made an ass of yourself, Odelli,” said Tital.
“I’m… sorry,” said Odelli.
“It’s fine. Day’s over anyways. I’ll have to explain this all to the chief… once I understand it all myself.”
-=-=-=-
The relations between the clans had only managed to deteriorate after the incident; Chief Arrdanayo was in awe of how quickly things fell apart. One of his more esteemed fisher families had now gotten in a very public spat with Chief Kassyo and his firstborn. He consulted with his daughter over it: the child Odelli had acted insensibly, true, and there was some damn foolish tangle of marriage pacts and romance going on. He’d always liked the boy, and it was true that between Odelli and Yato, one of them had certainly been worse off. It didn’t matter now, though. The damage had been done. Lines had been drawn in the sand, and what was once a joint trading (and raiding) expedition was now turning back fragmented, in disgrace.
No Aluda riches for Arrdanayo! And to think that Kassyo had been so keen on meeting Sassayo and Mila just weeks previous. He'd been courting prominent families of the skillful Morekah for years.
Why couldn’t these things be easy? Arrdanayo mused while at the tiller. In his day, you arranged a marriage if you liked another family and wanted to tie yourself to them. None of this political worry, nor any of the following mess!
Kassyo had been enraged, and was demanding recompense and apologies. He'd always been a hothead, but it was remarkable how quickly his feelings had soured on Sassayo and Mila and their children. Odelli was apologetic, at the very least. He displayed none of the arrogance that Arrdanayo had in his youth (or Kassyo had even now), but then again he had already been chastised. As chief, it was normally his duty to mediate disputes. But who mediates a dispute between someone and another chief? The only way out was a duel.
Or a clan war.
Arrdanayo sighed. A duel between Odelli and Yato would end just about the way that their previous fight had ended. He had liked the boy, though.
“Tital! Come over here, girl,” said Arrdanayo, down the length of their ship. Tital looked over, finished what she was doing, and came over to the tiller.
“Yes, father?” She asked.
“We’ll need to set up a duel between Odelli and Yato. That’s the least bloody way to resolve this,” said Arrdanayo.
“So that's the end of Odelli,” she sighed.
“Not if you train him to duel, so that he doesn’t immediately die.”
“I see. Very wise, chief. I will get started next time we get to shore.
-=-=-=-
At last, the day of the duel arrive. Odelli had trained with Tital every chance that he could, and only just begun to grasp the essentials – the proper way to fight with a spear, the importance of maneuverability (as Odelli had no hope to match Yato’s strength), the need to wait for an opportune strike, but the need to act quickly because Yato could end his life in a moment! This fight would be to the death, as all Sasnak duels were, and there was no honor or mercy or witnesses to be had. Two people, two spears, and one who leaves. No other way out. That was what Tital trained Odelli. In the two moons that it took for Sunfish to align with Dolphin again, she had become like an older sister to him.
At last both clans were in Ra-Kotod. There had been about a week where both families tried to make entreaties to settle the matter, but it had only ever seemed to get worse off. One day, Odelli's own mother begged him not to duel, then met with Kassyo's wife. When Odelli's mother returned, she simply told him to "make sure he drowned the bastard in his own blood." Kassyo had actually given Sassayo a black eye, and the village was teeming with rumors that the next duel would be between the two of them. Arrdanayo put a quick stop to that.
Chief Arrdanayo had a difficult week.
But it was almost over.
There he stood, with a spear in each hand, looking at both Yato and Odelli. Neither of their families were permitted to be there. Odelli hadn't even seen Ledi that day, to tell her goodbye. He knew that he was probably going to die.
"Unless either of you two intend to back off at the last minute, then we better get this over with. Before it can get any worse," said Chief Arrdanayo. No response.
"Very well," said the chief, "We stand here before Sodatrat and Atook and all of the gods, a spear in each hand. The blood between Yato, firstborn of Inyal and Kassyo, and Odelli, firstborn of Sassayo and Mila, has grown too sour to bear any longer. Now only one may walk this land. The other must, for some reason," he muttered, "be taken to Itiah for all time. Let these spears be yours. Do not return until the matter will trouble the world no further."
Both the youths took up a spear. They walked out into the mangrove forest. It was a surreal experience for Odelli, walking wordlessly side by side with Yato. They both held in their hand a weapon meant only to end the other. They were both walking and walking until the other made the first move. Odelli suddenly realized that Yato had never done this before either.
Odelli finally stopped. This ground would be a good enough place to die. Yato took a few more steps, and then turned. They locked eyes with each other. Now for the ritual that Tital drilled into Odelli's head.
Yato took a step back. Then Odelli did. Yato took another, and so did Odelli. They did this twelve times, and then they stood still. The only thing Odelli could hear were the sounds of the forest and his own breathing.
Suddenly, with a roar, Yato charged. They were but seconds apart. Odelli broke into a mad dash too.
And suddenly Yato was not in front of him anymore.
Odelli's world flipped upside down, as he tripped on something. When he finally hit the ground, he spun around, finding out that that thing was Yato. He was sprawled out, writhing on the ground. He had tripped on a root he hadn't seen. His spear had been flung far from his grasp. His spear!
Odelli whipped around. His spear had been flung far from his grasp. He scrabbled to gain a purchase as Yato did as well. Odelli grabbed his spear. Yato did too.
But Yato had a spear through his chest before he could put one through Odelli's.
Odelli was panting from the mad scramble of activity. He watched the shock in Yato's eyes, the anger and the panic and the horror as his soul drained from him. His chest was spewing blood. He was going limp. He was limp.
He was dead.
Odelli waited a bit. As if Yato were to suddenly reanimate and lunge at him and kill him. It's what should have happened. It's what was going to happen. But fate got in the way.
When Odelli finally began the walk back, what felt like hours later, all he could think about were Yato's dying eyes. He'd be thinking about those eyes for years to come.
-=-=-
Ledi looked at the hull of the ship under construction, two weeks following the monsoon festival. She was still amazed by the events that brought her to now.
It started years and years and years ago, on the day that Yato had come with a marriage proposal. And that same day, Odelli, little Oddi!, had come for the exact thing. Of course, she knew both proposals were coming, in addition to the ones from Rama, Makdu, and Djuli. All would have made excellent matches, and would have increased her quality of life dramatically. She was fortunate that Atook had blessed her family with such bountiful sugar fields. That, and that she'd managed to cultivate such wits and such beauty. It had been pretty trivial to set the suitors to collide like that. Like boats, when two hit each other, the one with the strongest spine wins… unless the gods have anything to say about it. Ledi just needed to put Yato and Odelli on the same course and see what happened: either suitor would have had their benefits and an advance in Ledi's position.
Ledi would have preferred if he never got involved. Rama, Makdu, Yato, and Djuli all had their fixable flaws, and Ledi was more than happy to let one come out on top and gain the benefits of the rest. They would enter a bidding war for the best pact for her parents, and eventually she would be treated like a Morekah. But then Odelli put himself on the very same course (something Ledi had known he would try for years, and gingerly tried to dissuade him to no effect), and Ledi had tried to put Yato and Odelli together to let them work it out. That was her plan, but when they came back, one was destined to die. She never expected that, nor that Odelli would come out on top.
You cannot command the wind, she thought, but you can adjust your sails.
Oddi was the favored child of Itiah after that, winning at every turn, and the other suitors could barely compare. A boy entered a duel and emerged a man, though his first encounter with death had changed him. Kassyo was enraged after Yato died, and began a clan war in response for the perceived bias of Arrdanayo training Oddi. Arrdanayo and Tital's eldest brothers perished in the war, but she made sure to repay the favor by braining Kassyo with a spearthrower. In a twist of luck, Oddi emerged a hero of that clan war, the Skillful Dolphin was dismantled and absorbed by Sunfish, and after the end Oddi married Ledi as a renowned warrior. He had none of the boyish humor or romance he had once had. He was serious now, but still gentle. And Ledi lived like an astronomer.
Now, their first child was on the way, and that meant they would have a houseboat of their own. They would need to take servants to man the ship, but that was what servants were for. Oddi was out speaking with the Mareh and with Tital for that very reason, probably arranging to go to Meak-Chi to either trade for Keshurot servants (or take them by force) after the monsoon season was over. Meanwhile, Ledi was supervising the design of their houseboat - Itikalleneh, Favorite-of-the-Gods.
Ledi looked at it's frame - upright, in the new fashion, second only in size to Chief Tital's houseboat itself. Her father was an expert and renowned palmwood carver, and they were working with a shipwright in the Skillful Morekah who had a grand vision he had learned from traders from Sarootnoh. This would surely be their triumph. It was reinforced with a strong keel and girders, built upright to make it large. It sported two and a half layers: an above-deck, a below-deck, and a lower short deck below. A pavilion in the fore, and in the rear, with the rear one one could climb upon. A tall and sturdy mast. A painted and carved prow, taller than a man, telling of Oddi's exploits. A designated coral hearth, long and able to host feasts even while at sea. Space enough for ten, almost two arm-spans across at it's belly, and eight from prow to rudder! Room for four bamboo Ti-Rassi, large enough that a normal man's houseboat could dock comfortably at either side on special occasions - when lashed with Chief Tital's ship, it would make a veritable island. Tital's ship may have been slightly bigger but this one would undoubtedly put hers to shame.
Actually, it wouldn't do to embarrass her… Ledi thought. She would have to invite Tital to see it, and then arrange for her father to help make Tital an even grander ship to curry even more favor. It stung to immediately have their shining glory be eclipsed, but the Chief's ship likely had boreworms due to its age and would call for a grander ship anyways. More importantly, Ledi could not afford to upset the bond that Tital and Oddi had. They were like siblings. That was why Favorite-of-the-Gods was fit for a Sasnak Chief, because Tital would eventually make Oddi one. Skillful Sunfish had grown too large for a single chief to manage, and there was too much territory for them with too little time in the year - blossoming to more fishing grounds and trading routes. The bond that Tital and Oddi forged prior to and during the war made Oddi the natural pick for a new chief. Especially if I help Tital along. Ledi thought, smiling to herself.
Things worked out better than she hoped and dreamed, and it looked like when the gods smiled on Oddi, they gave Ledi a smile too. Who knows? thought Ledi, Perhaps my children shall be Marehs and their children will be gods.*

If someone asked you who sits atop the golf Youtube throne and the first two words out of your mouth aren’t Good Good, you are oblivious. This raggedy cast of young adults have formed like a Marvel movie to entertain the golf world. And just like a Marvel movie everyone has their unique talents and abilities, some lean more towards skill on the course, some more towards skill on camera. When Garrett or Luke step up to the tee box, we know what to expect, they are scratch golfers, or when Bubbie makes an appearance, we know his charisma and charm will shine through. We all have playing partners who we can relate to these roles, guys we invite out for one of two reasons, they are sick at golf, or they make our belly hurt from laughing so hard. Now not everyone fits into these cookie cutter boxes, the outlier goes by the name “Stephen Castaneda”, and when I say he is the primary reason behind Good Good’s success, I mean it. The double edged sword of Steve is the fact that he has both qualities described above, but the catch is, you never know what you are going to get. Every time he is on film it’s like Christmas, am I getting 350 down the middle? a short sided flop shot? Or a one handed club release followed by him hiking his pants up above his belly button and doing a full squat? He is Good Good’s double threat, being both comedic relief and an extremely talented golfer. He is such a go with the flow character it just oozes relatability, thats what makes him the secret ingredient. I know he has struggled with some injuries as of recent, I wish him nothing but the best with his back, keep being you Steve.
*update this was taken from No Gimmies Newsletter any love would be appreciated <3

So, I had something of an epiphany while I was watching the PBS documentary on the Uvalde Massacre. It occurred to me that one of, if not THE, primary reason why some Americans are against any increase of regulations on the firearm market in America is entirely based on speculation. The argument of "...the second amendment is being infringed..." is a moot argument because it's taking the conjecture of a group of biased men from the late 18th century and comparing to the circumstances and biases of our own 21st century. The principle of owning a firearm makes sense when one man has the potential to kill possibly a few others if concealed and adept enough as a marksman, but it kind of runs into trouble when someone can readily carry armaments that would exceed the combined firepower of most infantry companies. The debate, arguments, and reasonable conversations surrounding the sound legality of a two-century old cautionary addendum is supposed to happen, and I welcome the discourse brought by hard topics...because it shows that we're supposed to solve an inherent problem.
​
I didn't mean for this to serve as any real major announcement, but I do think I, as well as a lot of us here, are starting to make some tough, but necessary decisions about where our lives are meant to go, with or without those who choose to cling to this abomination of a cult. My mother's belief in Q, and parallel far right conspiracies have torn a ghastly wound in my family, and now me, her, and my father are sleeping in three different cities...in two different states. I hope y'all continue to persevere, and I hope y'all are somehow able to save your families, or atleast those who wish to be saved. I now know that a fundamental reason why my mother is as in depth into this movement as she is, and it has to do with how my father has treated her over their almost half century long marriage. I have a strange suspicion that alot of this cult's infectious pull comes from it preying on those who have been emotionally worn down through an unhappy relationship, or maybe it makes those who feel unwanted like they've finally been seen.
​
Take my two cents for what it's worth, and I hope y'all have a good rest of your week! I really do appreciate how active y'all are in the comments! I learn something new every time I post, and I always appreciate y'alls kind words of encouragement. Let me know what y'all think of my thoughts, and let me know if I mispoke, or should adjust my perspective a bit.
​
Take care, hang in there, and have a wonderful rest of your week!

I made a post about this situation I'm in, and a user suggested that since I live in Montana I should post here, so I will. I tried to be brief, but I figure it's better if I explain just enough, because it is a complex situation.
I am 18 and I live with my mom because she tries to involve herself in every part of my life. I can't do anything without her wanting to know. She is emotionally codependent on me and makes me take care of her emotions, often just resorting to be being confrontational or yelling/crying. She makes the family shame me if we have a bad interaction. I can't leave the house because she'll call the cops on me and blow my phone up and drive around trying to track me down. I can't get a job because she'll insist on driving me. If I tried to get a job in secret, she would find out because she keeps track of my sleep cycle throughout the weeks, and she would find out easily even if I snuck out at night. I can't drive because I don't know how, and I don't have anyone else to teach me. She has control over my savings account(which has a little bit of money left over from survivor benefits) and I don't have the login info, nor do I have a way to get to the bank without arousing suspicion as to where I am. If I had someone come over to hang out, she'd want to know who they are, she wants to know everything. She is in severe denial about our parent/child relationship, because there is none anymore, it's been that way for the last several years. It's becoming more uncomfortable as the months pass and I'm tired of living life in fear of her emotions. She provides food, she drives me around, she gets me to my appointments, hell if she's got extra money she'll just buy random crap for me, but I am miserable. When I say I can't leave, I mean it, I'm not being lazy, I wish it was that simple(I ran off to a job corps but I was struggling to keep up with caring/grooming myself and I did a dumb thing and got kicked out, that was my ten months break from home but I still couldn't get a grip on my independence and ended up right back at home), because if I just left with the $50 in my pocket, I'd lose the items that bring me joy and the hobbies that make me money, and she would track me down. She will find me if I'm out on my own without someone to make sure she won't try to drag me home, and I'd probably just get shamed for going homeless when I technically have a place to go, but not a home where I'm allowed to be an adult. I need help. In a way, I feel like reaching out is the adult thing to do instead of waiting for a miracle.
I need a place to move into, whether it's a corner, a room, or a basement, preferably finished(but it's okay if it isn't as long as it's livable), I'll take what I can get. There's some items I can't bare to have to hunt down again, and there items that are sentimental to me. I have many things, but however much space you can provide to me is how I'll figure out what compromises I can make. My bike is not one, a bike is important to have, I've gotta have a bike with me cus I can't drive. I can't promise I can get you money for something like rent right away, but I'll definitely try to figure out how to pay you back monitary wise, and I'm happy to help with chores and the like. I'm trying to get involved with disability benefits and help from the state, but I'm basically an adult child being stuck with my mom while I wait, and I'm getting sick of the waiting, my anxiety gets worse the more crap that comes out of this woman's mouth but she still won't let me leave cus she wants to "help" me with anything related to being and adult and she does this creepy worshiping/begging thing with me, probably anticipating my abandoning her and it's making things more strained. I have a savings account, and maybe about a grand in it, but I can't say for sure that I have it because I don't know if I can withdraw it without her being there.
My plan is a plan that once it begins, it has to be successful or I will be right back where I started and the situation might actually become drastic and unlivable. If you're going to help provide a home, you're probably going to end up being closely involver with every step and it won't be pretty. The plan:

1. Move in with someone
   
2. Gain control over the savings account/close it and open a new account. Easier said than done, getting the login info without her freaking out and accusing me of not trusting her is the biggest obstacle, though I figure if I bring my ID and one of the monthly statements they sent to my house something could be worked out.
   
3. Gain control of my phone plan(she has the phone on her account, it's paid for with my money, but she has the number associated with her account.) This is more complicated because I dropped my money on this phone(lol $1,400 and the camera still can't take a decent picture of the moon) and I don't want to ditch it, so I plan on going to the store and telling them I need to open my own account and get a new number, but that I had paid for the phone originally, hopefully that'll make sense to them. I know my mom doesn't track me through my phone or my internet use, so I'm good there, but I should be the one managing that account, not her.
   
4. Learn to drive. I've got my permit to learn(only cus I ran away to a job corps for some time[failed]), and I've got till next January to get those six months in, and I would need help with that learning to drive part.
   
5. Get connected with the community, more for fun, but then I'll be able to start getting a social life and network so I won't be worried about feeling outcast.
   

Of course I do intend on moving out as soon as the state can provide me disability and housing, but that's gonna take a while. I ask for at least a year, I don't want to be in your place more than a year, I'll be doing my darnest to start taking care of myself. I've got my own past beyond my mom to deal with, and living in this situation prohibits me from healing.
You probably want to know what I'm like, so I'll tell you this: I'm very much a people's person, I'll talk about absolutely nothing, and I'm witty(but not in an obnoxious attention seeking personality way). I'm creative and have many hobbies(knitting, crochet, writing, drawing, magazine collages, and many more), and I like gaming, big fan of the older CoD games. I don't smoke/vape in any sort of way(though I don't care if you do, just know that I'm clean), nor do I engage in any hardcore drug use(I do care about that being around that sort of thing, I only tolerate pot/psychedelics), yarn is my drug of choice. Speaking of drugs, I do have some prescriptions, one of those being some testosterone for my transition (that being the reason I'm asking for a queer friendly home, I don't want to waste either of our times if you don't feel comfortable with that), which is a gel, so you won't have any needles lying around(which is the main method most trans ftms use for hormone therapy), and I will keep the gel and all my other meds locked away. I promise that my transition has no relevancy to my stay, I'm just informing you in case that would influence your decision, because some people get really hostile at the thought of trans people. Otherwise I'm just some guy. The other thing I should mention is my disabilities, doesn't worry, nothing that makes me dangerous, just autism/ADHD/anxiety/depression, overall I maintain an outgoing attitude when I'm around others. I will say I don't want to be in a house with kids because I say a lot of vulgaedgy things when I feel safe/relaxed and I wouldn't want that rubbing off on them, but if it comes down to it, I would be willing to work on being more tact.
I just want to make it clear again that I do not want to be in your home if me being queer bothers you, don't need to put that stress on each other. I'm open to living with a family, or a group of friends looking for another pal, or just someone who can be a great help with helping me integrate myself into the world/taking control of my role as an adult. If you've got space and you're willing, or you know someone who is willing, let me know. I'm posting purely out of desperation and I'm reaching out because I only know I'm alive at this point because I'm typing this post, and I'm tired of living life like this. Thank you for your time. (Of course if there is a better place for this, please let me know)

So I met a really nice guy about a two years ago at work. We dated for about 9 months all together. After about a month we started talking and I remember telling myself not to move too fast. It was important for me to date someone who had their shit together(meaning a car or their own place.) well, he didn’t have any of that, but he was respectable, hard working, and overall a great guy in general. He lived with his sister and her man and his younger brother.
So after about a month of “talking” and seeing each other at work, he decided to ask me to be his girlfriend. I was hesitant with this. I had my own car and job at the time so I was really trying to meet a person with the same assets. (I’ve dealt with taking care of past boyfriends that didn’t have much to offer so this was a big deal to me.) I remember telling my family… “He’s a great guy, but I think he’s moving too fast.” This was around October of 2021. He lavished me with gifts, was emotionally available, ALMOST complete package. He was the first person to say he loved me, the first boyfriend that cared for me. I knew things were going fast but I didn’t want to miss out on something great… at least those were my thoughts at that time.
I remember he would always ask if he could come over my place and hang out. Almost every other day. I would always blow him off saying I was too busy. Realistically my home would be a bit untidy, and I didn’t have the energy to put myself together for a man at that time. This was a peaceful time in my life, I was comfortable with myself and being alone. Until one day he came over to my house unexpected. I remember making him wait outside until my house was clean. That was just the standard I set for myself at the time. To this day I still kind of feel bad about that… but again, it was really an unexpected thing.
He had little regard for my personal space throughout our entire relationship. During our first few months, He met my parents, added them on Facebook, had me meet his family, and moved in my house (a very small studio apartment BTW) There were times I was still trying to process things, but everyone around me told me “You better not mess this up.” So I tried to roll with things. Also, my car broke down not too long after we got together.
There were times where he wanted to take me on dates and we’d get stranded by Ubers. Having to walk home in the cold. I thought to myself “well, at least he had good intentions.” I had also lost my job being late to work. (But he didn’t) this caused me to be really depressed. I loved that job so much.
he was there for me when I had my moments. Unfortunately my mental health would only get worse. after a really long and cold winter, my patience grew extremely thin. I was encouraging him almost everyday to save money so we’d have transportation, and he was working making about $1,200 every two weeks. My bills were very cheap. Even my parents said they’d put some money up for us, and they did.
During the spring time, we went to a well known dealership in the area. My boyfriend good credit, and I had the license. The only thing they asked for was that he would AT LEAST get his temps, then they’d send us off with whatever car we chose for a very reasonable price. (We had already picked one out.) I was excited. So, everyday after that I would tell him to Uber to the BMV to take his test. I even set up his appointments for him. He would always promise but he never went.
At this point, I had been sitting in the house for 8 months. Unable to go get groceries, visit my family and friends, or take night drives downtown by the water. Our relationship began to suffer. When I had family come and pick me up, he would constantly text me asking where I was, who I was with, and when I’d be back home. I just… wanted my freedom back.
I began giving him silent treatments, I was exhausted. I would stress him to get his temps so much it would give me panic attacks. My mental health was absolutely shit at this point. I let him move into my home, gave him a space to be himself, to do whatever he wanted. I eventually began to get loud verbally, he would always reply with “You shouldn’t yell at me, that’s unhealthy for our relationship.” But over months of just talking and trying to motivate him, my patience grew thinner and thinner by the day.
I told him I needed a break, all he took it as was that the relationship was over. He even told me that he couldn’t leave my house and go back home because his sisters boyfriend and her were having issues. Looking back that was an immediate red flag. IF YOUR GIRL TELLS YOU SHE NEEDS SPACE, THAT YOU HAVE TO LEAVE HER HOME, FALL BACK AND GIVE HER SPACE.
So one day.. after almost 9 months of trying, I got a text from my ex asking if I wanted to go get drinks. At this point I haven’t been on a date in what felt like forever. I was at the end of my rope and my bf STILL wasn’t putting any effort into getting a vehicle. So I said yes. It felt good, it felt good getting ready to go somewhere. To have a man pick me up, to drive and have conversations. I don’t know why, but fuck, I missed it. My bf was at work during this time, so once our “catch up” was over, I began hiding my phone… telling lies about where I had been etc. He caught onto this pretty quickly, but honestly, I didn’t care. My ex (first love since I was 18) and I didn’t have sex till about our fifth time hanging out. Long story short, my boyfriend snuck into my phone and I was caught red handed. I didn’t feel bad at the time, I had been telling him how we could better our relationship like a broken record at that point. But I’ll never forget him lying on the couch curled up in a ball crying once he found out. That broke me.
He’ll never forgive me. I ended up seeking medical attention a few months later because I couldn’t stand myself as a person. Think about ending it all… if you know what I mean. I just wish he had listened.. I missed being able to sit in my apartment empty reading a book, watching tv, journaling, going to church, volunteering. I missed myself. I wish he had given me space. I was so suffocated. I wish he just got his temps for us. We could’ve have so many experiences that would’ve strengthened us as a couple. But I know I fucked up. His family put me to shame, he’s bad talked me to my own family, now I can’t face some of them, they don’t like me anymore.
Anyway.. after about a year it doesn’t hurt as bad as it did. I grew up. Yes, I cheated on someone, but you know what, people change. I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I just… want him to know that. I’ve messaged him asking if he wanted to talk, he just leave my messages on read. He’s already had two girlfriends since this. I just hope one day he’ll come around. 21 and 22 have been like night and day for me. I actually go to church now, take myself out to eat, and try to take care of myself as much as I can. I put in the work. I forgave myself. Got help, and started loving myself again. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss him, that I didn’t want him back sometimes?
Is this still worth fighting for?

About Daily Draws
One of the best ways to practice Lenormand is to throw a daily spread. This can be any number of cards as you like, although it usually consists of three, five, or seven (an odd number) cards in a line. Start with a specific intention and question, such as, “What does the world have for me today?” Make sure you keep this timeline in mind when drawing your cards.
While it may sound daunting to practice every day, drawing cards in the morning is actually quite simple. For example, let’s say you draw three cards. Usually they are read from left to right, or maybe describe the day as a whole. The center card is your focus card, with the last card representing the outcome. Or, perhaps the first card represents the subject and the second and third cards describe it. Feel free to create your own method.
It’s very helpful to keep a journal and look back on your throws to see what worked out and what didn’t. What interpretations might you have missed?
This exercise helps you build a connection with your cards and come up with your own combinations. If you find something new, write down the combination in your Lenormand notebook.
Note that, when you throw a daily spread, the cards usually represent smaller elements of your life rather than bigger components. For example, the Clouds could simply mean a storm rather than, say, mental illness.
So, what did you guys come up with for today?