Jackie Jensen, "The Golden Boy", was a superstar athlete in the 1940s who seemed destined for greatness as the heir to Joe DiMaggio... only to be supplanted by a different golden boy, the great Mickey Mantle.
Jensen would eventually live up to the hype, but with the Red Sox -- but his career prematurely because, as baseball expanded to the west coast, his fear of flying made road games unbearable!
The Yankees between 1947 and 1964 were utterly dominant, winning 15 pennants and 10 World Series. And it wasn't just the major league team that was successful. The Yankees of this era were loaded up and down the system, from Rookie ball to their two Triple-A teams!
With such a loaded major league roster, the Yankees had many talented players stuck either on the end of the bench or in the minors who would eventually find an opportunity with other teams, including Bob Cerv, Vic Power, Gus Triandos, Lew Burdette, Jerry Lumpe, Bob Porterfield, and Bob Keegan, who would all be All-Stars with other teams. Clint Courtney would be the 1952 A.L. Rookie of the Year runner-up after the Yankees traded him to the Browns, and Bill Virdon was the 1955 N.L. Rookie of the Year with the Cardinals (and then Yankee manager from 1974 to 1975!).
But the most talented player who just couldn't find the playing time in New York was Jack Eugene Jensen, born March 9, 1927, in San Francisco. His parents divorced when he was 5, and he grew up poor, his mother working six days a week, 12 hours a day. Jensen said the family moved 16 times between kindergarten and eighth grade -- "every time the rent came due."
After serving in the U.S. Navy during World War II, Jensen went to the University of California in 1946 on the G.I. Bill. There he became one of the most famous college players in the country, leading Cal to the Rose Bowl. In 1947, he was the starting fullback as well as the team's top defensive back, and in 1948, he rushed for 1,000 yards and was an All-American.
He also was a tremendous two-way baseball player, pitching and hitting for the Golden Bears in 1947 as the won the very first College World Series, beating a Yale team that had George H.W. Bush playing first base. In 1949, he was an All-American in baseball, too.
His blond hair, good looks, and athletic accomplishments earned him the nickname "The Golden Boy."
Halfway through his junior year, Jensen left Berkeley to turn pro. Jensen would later say he couldn't risk playing a career-ending injury playing for free while teams -- baseball and football -- were trying to sign him to big-money contracts.

"There was a money tree growing in my backyard. Why shouldn't I pluck off the dollars when I wanted to?"

Jensen considered a number of offers, including from the Yankees, before signing a three-year, $75,000 contract with the Oakland Oaks of the Pacific Coast League. Jensen said he thought he'd face better competition in the Pacific Coast League, the top minor league of the era, than he would at the bottom of the Yankee farm system. He was right about it being more of a challenge -- he hit an unimpressive .261/.317/.394 in 510 plate appearances with the Oaks.
At the end of the year, the Oaks sold his contract (and that of Billy Martin, another Northern California kid) to the Yankees.
That same year, Jensen married his high school sweetheart, Zoe Ann Olsen, an Olympic diver. (By age 18, she had won 14 national diving championships and a silver medal in the 1948 Olympics.) "Together they looked like a Nordic god and goddess," Sports Illustrated reported. Nicknamed "the sweethearts of sports," they were the Dansby Swanson and Mallory Pugh of their era. More than 1,000 people attended their wedding.
Jensen would start the 1950 season not in the minors but in the Bronx. He joined the Yankees in a time of flux. They though they'd won the 1949 World Series, the Yankees knew they had to make some changes, with 35-year-old Joe DiMaggio nearing the end of his career. And their heir apparent was not Mickey Mantle -- at the time an 18-year-old shortstop playing in the Class C league, the equivalent of A-ball today -- but the 23-year-old Jensen.
But Jensen disappointed, hitting just .171/.247/.300 in 70 at-bats, and only starting in 13 games. Watching from the bench most of the season, Jensen would later lament the lost year of development, saying he'd have been better off playing every day in the Pacific Coast League.
The Yankees won the pennant for a second straight year, and in the World Series he once again was left on the bench. His only action was as a pinch runner in Game 3 as the Yankees swept the Phillies. That "Moonlight Graham" appearance would be his only taste of the post-season in an 11-year career.
The following year would be DiMaggio's last, and Mantle's first. Jensen began the year as the Yankees' starting left fielder and proved he belonged, hitting .296/.371/.509 through the end of July... and then, shockingly, was demoted to Triple-A and replaced with previously forgotten Yankee Bob Cerv.
I can see why they called up Cerv -- the University of Nebraska stand-out was tearing up Triple-A, leading the American Association in batting average (.349), home runs (26), triples (21), RBIs (101), and total bases (261) -- but why demote Jensen, who had a 140 OPS+ in the majors? Maybe the Yankees felt the brash 23-year-old needed to be taken down a peg. In any event, Cerv hit just .214/.333/.250 in August and was sent back to Triple-A, but Jensen also was left down there. He hit .263/.344/.469 and was recalled after the Triple-A season ended, only getting into three games (he went 3-for-9).
Mantle, too, had started the season with the Yankees, and after hitting .260/.341/.423 through the middle of July, was sent down to Triple-A. But he hit .361/.445/.651 in 166 at-bats, and unlike Jensen was back in the bigs by August 24. He would play pretty much every game the rest of the season, hitting .284/.370/.495 in 95 at-bats.
The torch had clearly been passed -- Jensen was no longer the heir apparent to DiMaggio. In the World Series that year, Mantle was the starting right fielder, and Jensen wasn't even on the post-season roster.
Jensen was so disappointed with how the Yankees had treated him in 1951 that he talked to the San Francisco 49ers about switching to pro football, but ultimately decided to stick with baseball.
Never shy about what he said to reporters, Jensen told The Sporting News on October 24, 1951:

"I felt so badly about the treatment that I received from the Yankees that, although I was in New York at the end of the season, I didn't feel like sticking around to even watch the club play in any of the World's Series games."
"I do not feel the Yankees were justified in sending me to the minor leagues. When I was shipped to Kansas City, I was doing as good a job as any Yankee outfielder and better than some of them. I was hitting .296, which was ten points better than Hank Bauer and 30 points better than Joe DiMaggio, Gene Woodling and Mickey Mantle. Yet Casey Stengel didn't give me the chance I felt I deserved."

Despite blasting his manager in the press, Jensen was still the property of the Yankees. That off-season, teams were circling, hoping to pry away the talented but disgruntled outfielder. There were newspaper reports of offers from the St. Louis Browns, the Detroit Tigers, the Philadelphia Athletics, the Washington Senators, the Cleveland Indians, and the Boston Red Sox -- with one rumor being Ted Williams to the Bronx in exchange for Jensen and several other players. (A Red Sox scout called the rumored deal "a lot of hogwash.")
Sportswriters spent the off-season speculating whether DiMaggio would retire, and if he did, whether Jensen or Mantle would take over as the center fielder, as there were still concerns that Mantle, who had hurt his knee in the 1951 World Series, wouldn't be fully recovered by the start of the season.
On Opening Day, April 16, 1952, it was Jackie Jensen in center and Mickey Mantle in right. Jensen went 0-for-5 with a GIDP; Mantle, 3-for-4 with a double, a walk, and a stolen base! Seven games into the season, Jensen was 2-for-17 (.118) and found himself on the bench. He'd never play for the Yankees again. On May 3, the Golden Boy was traded to the Washington Senators along with Spec Shea, Jerry Snyder, and Archie Wilson in exchange for Irv Noren and Tom Upton.
In two years with the Senators, Jensen hit an impressive .276/.359/.407 (112 OPS+), but the team was terrible, and Jensen wasn't happy. Still just 26 years old, he later said he had almost quit after the 1953 season... particularly after a harrowing flight to Japan for a series of exhibition games with a squad of All-Stars that included Yankees Yogi Berra, Eddie Lopat, and Billy Martin. That experience gave Jensen a lifelong fear of flying, a phobia that became so intense eventually he could only fly with the help of sleeping pills... and a hypnotist!
He might have quit if not for the trade on December 9, 1953, that sent him to the Boston Red Sox for pitcher Mickey McDermott and outfielder Tom Umphlett. He was homesick, he hated flying, and he now had two little kids at home. Red Sox general manager Joe Cronin convinced Jensen to come to the Red Sox, telling him that Fenway Park was tailor made for his swing. Cronin was right: Jensen was a career .279/.369/.460 hitter, but .298/.400/.514 at Fenway.
It was in Boston that Jensen finally lived up to the hype, becoming a two-time All-Star and winning the A.L. MVP Award in 1958 and a Gold Glove in 1959. During his seven seasons in Boston, he hit .282/.374/.478 in 4,519 plate appearances. In his MVP season, Jensen hit .286/.396/.535 (148 OPS+) with 31 doubles, 35 home runs, and a league-leading 122 RBIs. During his peak with the Red Sox, 1954 to 1959, Jensen's average season was .285/.378/.490 (127 OPS+) with 28 doubles, 26 home runs, 111 RBIs, 14 stolen bases, and 3.6 bWAR. During those six seasons, no one in the American League -- not Mickey Mantle, not Ted Williams, not Al Kaline -- had more runs batted in than Jackie Jensen.
Of course, Mantle was the far better player -- even in Jensen's MVP season, Mantle had more runs, hits, home runs, walks, and a 188 OPS+ -- but Jensen's 127 OPS+ between 1954 and 1959 would have been an upgrade over the aging Hank Bauer's 110 OPS+ in right or the left field merry-go-round of Norm Siebern (113 OPS+), Irv Noren (107 OPS+), Enos Slaughter (103 OPS+), and previously forgotten Yankee Hector Lopez (101 OPS+). Casey Stengel would later say the Jensen trade was the worst one the Yankees had made while he was manager.
Despite his success, Jensen was sometimes booed by the Boston fans, just as they sometimes booed Ted Williams. There even was an article in Sport magazine, "What Do They Want From Jackie Jensen?", taking Red Sox fans to task for their unreasonably high demands from the Golden Boy. In 1956, in a game at Fenway Park against the Yankees, the hometown fans were razzing Jensen so much that teammates had to restrain him from going into the stands after a fan. Later that same game, Williams misplayed a wind-blown fly ball from Mantle, and the fans booed lustily. The very next play, Williams made a leaping catch at the scoreboard to rob Yogi Berra of a double. But Williams, still furious, spit into the crowd. He was later fined $5,000.
And Jackie was unhappy to be away from home. He and Zoe Ann had bought a house near Lake Tahoe, where they could both ski and golf year-round, as well as hit the casinos. They also had a home in Oakland, and a restaurant there, and each year Jensen hosted a pro-am golf tournament. But the marriage was struggling. Zoe Ann, once nationally known for her Olympic exploits, was frustrated to be a stay-at-home mom in the shadow of her famous husband, and Jackie became angry if she engaged in her favorite outdoor hobbies, suspecting there were men around.
Jensen's fear of flying also had become even more intense. Sometimes he was so drugged up that he had to be carried on and off the plane, fueling rumors that he was a drunk. Other times he took trains or even drove while his teammates flew.
Once again Jensen was talking about retirement, and in Spring Training 1957, the Red Sox allowed him to train with the San Francisco Seals, Boston's Triple-A team, rather than having to go to Florida. But he was still miserable. That year, he told Sports Illustrated:

“In baseball you get to the point where you don’t think you have a family. It just looks like I’m not built for this life like some ballplayers. You are always away from home and you’re lonesome, and as soon as I can, I intend to get out.”

The 32-year-old Jensen announced his retirement after the 1959 season, and he spent 1960 home with Zoe Ann and their children and running his restaurant. But he returned in 1961. After hitting just .130 in April, Jensen took a train from Detroit home to Reno, determined to quit once again. After a week away, he rejoined the team and had six hits in his next 10 at-bats. By the end of the season he was at .263/.350/.392, and this time he quit for good.
After leaving baseball, Jensen invested in real estate and a golf course, but lost most of his money. He then got a job working for a Lake Tahoe casino, was a national spokesman for Camel cigarettes, Wonder Bread, and Gillette, and even tried selling cars. Ironically, Jackie found himself on the road almost as much as he had been as a ballplayer. In 1963, he and Zoe Ann divorced, remarried, and then divorced again.
In 1967, Jensen became a TV sportscaster, married his producer Katharine Cortesi, and eventually teamed up with Keith Jackson calling college football games for ABC and a college baseball coach, first at the University of Nevada-Reno and then at the University of California, and he managed the Red Sox team in the New York Penn League in 1970. In 1977, Jackie and Katharine moved to Virginia and started a Christmas tree farm while he coached baseball at a military academy. About five years later, on July 14, 1982, he died of a heart attack at age 55.
You Don't Know Jack(ie):

• How good would Jackie Jensen have been as a Yankee? Maybe not great. He was a career .279/.369/.460 hitter, but just .238/.326/.398 at Yankee Stadium, which -- especially in that era -- was famously death on right-handed batters. Fenway Park was much more to his liking!
  
• Born in San Francisco in 1927, it's no surprise Jensen's favorite player as a kid was Joe DiMaggio, who made his debut with the San Francisco Seals when Jensen was a 5 years old. When Jensen made his major league debut, on April 18, 1950, DiMaggio went 3-for-6 with a triple in a 15-10 win over the Red Sox. Two weeks later, on May 3, Jensen made his first start, playing left field and batting second, and DiMaggio was in center and batting fourth.
  
• Jensen wore #36 at Cal. When he came up with the Yankees, he was first issued #40, then switched to #27, and finally to #25. (With the Senators, he wore #8, then #4; in Boston, he first wore #30 but primarily wore #4.) Currently, #40 is worn by Luis Severino. Other famous 40's include Chien-Ming Wang (2005-2009), Andy Hawkins (1989-1991), and Lindy McDaniel (1968-1973). #27 has been worn by Giancarlo Stanton since 2018; prior to him, it was worn by Austin Romine (2016-2017). It also was the number worn by Bob Wickman (1993-1996), Butch Wynegar (1982-1986), and Woodie Held (1954-1957). Gleyber Torres has worn #25 since 2018; it also was worn by Mark Teixeira (2009-2016), Jason Giambi (2002-2008), Joe Girardi (1996-1999), Jim Abbott (1993-1994), Tommy John (1979-1989), and Joe Pepitone (1962-1969).
  
• Jensen is one of six major leaguers to graduate from Oakland High School, but the only Yankee. Cal has sent 83 players to the majors, including twenty Yankees -- most notably, early 1990s pitcher Chuck Cary, 1930s infielder Lyn Lary, and 1990 A.L. ROY runner-up Kevin Maas.
  
• The Yankees during spring training in 1951 tinkered with the idea of using Jensen into a pitcher. Jensen had been a star pitcher at Cal, including pitching in the 1947 College World Series, and had pitched in a winter league that off-season. But he was bombed in a handful of spring training innings -- while crushing as a hitter -- and the Yankees decided to leave him in the outfield.
  
• College teammates said Jensen wasn't afraid of flying at Cal. His second wife Katharine said the phobia came from a near-miss experience on a flight early in his baseball career -- he looked out the window and saw another plane coming straight at him! The two planes managed to avoid each other, but he was never comfortable on a plane again.
  
• Billy Martin, who also had grown up in Northern California and was Jensen's teammate on both the Oakland Oaks and the Yankees, was merciless when it came to teasing Jensen about his fear of flying. In 1953, on a flight from Okinawa to Honshu to play a series of exhibition games in Japan, the plane ran into a bad storm and was bouncing pretty hard. Jensen, who wouldn't get on a plane without the help of tranquilizers, was blissfully sleeping through the turbulence. Martin found a lifejacket and put it on, then stood over Jensen and shouted "We're going down!"
  
• Arthur Ellen, a hypnotist that Jensen had used to try to cure his fear of flying, believed Jackie wasn't aerophobic at all. It was really a fear of losing his family. "Subconsciously, it developed as a good reason to leave the Red Sox and go home," the hypnotist said.
  
• Jensen is featured prominently in Norman Rockwell's famous 1957 painting, The Rookie. Jensen is the one seated on the bench tying his shoe in the middle of the painting. Standing behind him is Ted Williams, and sitting on the bench next to him is pitcher Frank Sullivan (#18). Wearing the catcher's mitt in the foreground is Sammy White, and the player with his hand over his mouth to the far right is Billy Goodman. Jensen, Sullivan, and White had gone to Rockwell's studio in Massachusetts to pose for the painting; the images of Williams and Goodman were based on photos. The shirtless player was one of Rockwell's assistants, and "the rookie" holding the suitcase was a local high school student!
  
• Boston sportswriters named Jensen the team's MVP in 1954, when he hit .276/.359/.472 with 25 home runs and 117 RBIs. I guess they were tired of giving the award to Ted Williams, who hit .345/.513/.635 that year, albeit in just 117 games as he had broken his collarbone in spring training. Williams didn't qualify for the batting title that year because he had only 386 at-bats... mostly due to his league-leading 136 walks. The rule was subsequently changed from at-bats to plate appearances.
  
• After Jensen was acquired by the Washington Senators, manager Bucky Harris -- who managed the Yankees when they won the 1947 World Series -- pulled him aside and told him he was the right fielder and he'd hit third. "No pep talk, no nothing, but he made it sound like I was the right fielder and third place hitter for a long time to come," Jensen later recalled. "It made me feel good." The 1950s Senators had a number of ex-Yankees and several of them told reporters that Harris was a much more low-key, hands-off manager than Casey Stengel, and Jensen agreed. "With Stengel it was always 'watch for that curve ball' or 'watch for that change up'," Jensen said. "Bucky leaves you on your own up there." But Jensen would later say Stengel was the smartest manager he'd ever had.
  
• Stengel obliquely mentioned Jensen in his famously long, rambling testimony before the Senate Anti-Trust and Monopoly Subcommittee on July 8, 1958. Asked about legislation that would exempt baseball from federal anti-trust laws, Stengel said about 7,000 words without really saying anything. The hearing was held the day after the All-Star Game -- the Stengel-managed A.L. All-Stars won, 4-3 -- and in the American League starting lineup were Jensen and two other ex-Yankees, Bob Cerv and Gus Triandos. Stengel was asked if the Yankees were going to continue to "monopolize" the World Series, and his confusing answer: "Well, I will tell you. I got a little concerned yesterday in the first three innings when I saw the three players I had gotten rid of [Jensen, Cerv, and Triandos] and I said when I lost nine what am I going to do? And when I had a couple of my players I thought so great of that did not do so good up to the sixth inning I was more confused but I finally had to go and call on a young man in Baltimore that we don't own and the Yankees don't own him and he is doing pretty well and I would actually have to to tell you that we are more the Greta Garbo-type now from success. We are being hated. I mean from the ownership and all we are being hated. Every sport that gets too great or one individual -- but if we made twenty-seven cents and it pays to have a winner at home why would you have a good winner in your park if you were an owner? That is the result of baseball. An owner gets most of the money at home, and it is up to him and his staff to do better or they ought to be discharged." After befuddling the committee with answers like that for 45 minutes, Stengel was excused and Mickey Mantle called upon. His opening statement: "My views are just about the same as Casey's."
  
• Casey Stengel later said Jensen plus Spec Shea, Jerry Snyder, and Archie Wilson to the Senators for Irv Noren and Tom Upton was the worst trade the Yankees made during his tenure. But in reality it was pretty much a wash for the Yankees. Jensen, in two seasons, would be worth 4.9 bWAR for the Senators before being traded. Shea, a right-handed pitcher who had been an All-Star with the Yankees as a rookie, pitched four years in Washington and was worth 2.9 bWAR. Snyder was a good-glove, no-hit infielder worth -0.1 bWAR in seven seasons with the Senators. (You must have a really good glove to last seven seasons with a 55 OPS+!) Wilson, at one point seen as a good prospect but now a 28-year-old minor league journeyman, only played 26 games in Washington before being traded. In exchange, the Yankees received the 27-year-old Irv Noren, an outfieldefirst baseman who played five years in New York and was an All-Star in 1954; he was worth 7.9 bWAR, making the trade essentially even by bWAR. (The other player the Yankees received, minor league infielder Tom Upton, never made it back to the bigs.) Prior to the 1957 season, Noren was traded to the Kansas City Athletics as part of a monster 13-player trade that included Clete Boyer, third baseman of the early 1960s dynasty!
  
• The two players Washington got from Boston for Jensen, Mickey McDermott and Tom Upton, were both future Yankees. McDermott was a left-handed pitcher whose father, Maurice McDermott, had played in the minors with Lou Gehrig. Mickey was just 25 years old at the time of the trade but had been in the majors for six seasons, going 48-34 with a 3.80 ERA (114 ERA+). In two years with the Senators, McDermott went 17-25 (but with a 3.58 ERA), then prior to the 1957 season was traded to the Yankees as part of a seven-player deal; he went 2-6 with a 4.24 ERA as a swingman, and closed out the Game 2 win in the 1956 World Series. After that one season in New York, he was part of the trade with the A's that brought back Clete Boyer.
  
• Umphlett, a 22-year-old infielder, was traded back to the Red Sox in 1955, and then the Red Sox traded him to the Yankees in 1962 for infielder Billy Gardner. He would spend 1962 and 1963 in Triple-A for the Yankees, then ended his career in the minors with the Minnesota Twins -- the team that had been the Senators until 1961.
  
• In 1956, the anthology television show Cavalcade of America had an episode called The Jackie Jensen Story. Jackie had a cameo as the adult version of himself, but the 30-minute episode was focused on Jackie's teenage years and the influence of his middle high school coach, a man named Ralph Kerchum who became a father figure. The coach was played by Ross Elliott, a Bronx native whose most memorable role might have been as the director in the Vitameatavegamin episode of I Love Lucy.
  
• Jensen's MVP in 1958 broke a string of four straight MVP awards for Yankees -- Yogi Berra in 1954 and 1955 followed by Mickey Mantle in 1956 and 1957. Nellie Fox of the White Sox won it in 1959, and then the Yankees won it four years in a row again -- Roger Maris in 1960 and 1961, Mantle in 1962, and Elston Howard in 1963. Then a long drought -- the next Yankee to win it would be Thurman Munson in 1976.
  
• Going by bWAR, Mantle should have won it a third straight year in 1958 -- his 8.7 bWAR led the league, followed by Frank Lary at 6.7 and Al Kaline at 6.5. Jensen's 4.9 was 10th that year. Of course, they didn't have bWAR back then!
  
• Jackie won a Gold Glove in 1959; it was just the third year of the award's existence, or he might have won more. "Right field in Boston is a bitch, the sun field, and few play it well," Ted Williams said. "Jackie Jensen was the best I saw at it." Jensen was renowned for his throwing arm -- he twice led the league in assists, and twice led the league in double plays as an outfielder. One Yankee scout said he had the best arm he'd seen since previously forgotten Yankee Bob Meusel, usually said to have the best cannon in baseball history until Roberto Clemente came along.
  
• Jensen was well known for his brashness, especially compared to Mantle's aw shucks attitude. Mantle, asked if he thought he could beat out Jensen to replace DiMaggio in center field, humbly replied that there were three positions in the outfield and he hoped to win any one of them. Jensen, on the other hand, vowed he'd "out-run, out-hit, and out-throw" Mantle, an arrogant answer that didn't go over well with teammates. Joe DiMaggio, asked what he thought of the duel for his old job, quipped that Mantle was "out-quoting" Jensen.
  
• When Mantle was asked what he thought about Jensen's quote, he replied: "I don't know what to make of that guy." Jensen would later say he was misquoted, but reports of his cockiness would follow him throughout his Yankee years. Later in life, Jensen said people mistook his shyness and anxiety for arrogance and rudeness.
  
• According to Sports Illustrated, Jensen is the only player to have played in the East-West football game, the Rose Bowl, the World Series, and the Major League All-Star Game. I'll take their word for it!
  
• As a freshman at Cal, the first time Jensen touched the ball -- on a punt return -- he ran it back for a 56-yard touchdown. Cal quarterback Charles Erb said they'd never seen anything like it. "He was all over the field, dodging and leaping over guys. The rest of us just stood there on the sidelines with our mouths open. Finally somebody said, 'Who in the hell is that guy?' "
  
• Jensen is one of two "forgotten" Yankees in the College Football Hall of Fame -- the other is 1960s catcher Jake Gibbs. (Other Yankees in the College Football Hall of Fame include John Elway, who was in the Yankee minor league system before joining the Denver Broncos, and Deion Sanders, who was on the Yankees in 1989 and 1990.) Jensen also is a member of the Cal Hall of Fame, the Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame, and... ugh... the Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame.
  
• Despite his speed -- Jensen led the league in triples in 1956 and in stolen bases in 1954, and was in the top five in stolen bases in six seasons -- Jackie also was prone to grounding into double plays, leading the league in 1954, 1956, and 1957. His 32 GIDPs in 1954 was the major league record until Boston's Jim Rice hit into 36 in 1984, which is still the single-season record. Rice also had 35 in 1985. Jensen's 32 is tied for third with four others. The most by a Yankee? Dave Winfield with 30 in 1983, which is tied for 14th.
  
• Jensen lost most of his baseball earnings through a series of bad investments. His ex-wife, former Olympian Zoe Ann, later became a blackjack dealer in Reno to pay the bills.
  
• Jensen had four appearances on the popular show Home Run Derby, and set a record for most home runs in one match when he defeated Ernie Banks, 14-11, in Episode 24. The 25 combined home runs also was a record. He took on Mickey Mantle in Episode 3, with Mantle winning, 9-2, then defeated Rocky Colavito, 3-2, in Episode 25. He rematched against Mantle in Episode 26, with Mantle winning again, 13-10. Jensen set another record in that contest when he became the only player to hit four home runs in a row, and then a fifth home run in a row. That episode was supposed to be the season one finale, but it turned out to be the last episode of the series: The show's host and producer, Mark Scott, died of a heart attack at age 45, shortly after the last episode aired, and two months later the show's 64-year-old director Benjamin Stoloff also died. Rather than replacing them, the show was cancelled.
  
• Jensen's last game came against the Yankees, on October 1st, 1961, at Yankee Stadium. He appeared as a pinch hitter and popped out to shortstop Tony Kubek. In the 4th inning of that game, Roger Maris hit his 61st home run, breaking Babe Ruth's single-season record!
  
• Jackie and Zoe Ann had two sons, Jon and Jay, and a daughter, Jan. Jay's son, Tucker Jensen, was a pitcher in the Blue Jays farm system in 2011 and 2012.
  

In 1958, Jensen told Sports Illustrated that the biggest thrill of his career wasn't being an All-American or an All-Star, it wasn't winning an MVP or a World Series. "The biggest is having played in the same outfield with both DiMaggio and Williams."

Hey guys. So I had a stalker in the past. Some of the things he did was follow me from class to class. You would find me and wait for me near the staircase. He would show up unannounced and wait for me outside the restroom. Some people try to argue that it was just a crush and some boys just act like that. I don’t find it normal. I never told him any of my class periods or told him to meet me anywhere. He just deco that that was what he was going to do regardless if I knew he was there or even acknowledged him.
Anyways later on down the line he started trying to use other tactics to get me to be his. Fear and intimidation. He also wanted so badly to keep stalking me that when I said I was going to tell the principal he got all mean and in my face. He stood in my way so that I couldn’t go to the principal. Later he also threatened me because he had asked me a question. I just turned my face the other way to ignore him. Then he said. “If you don’t talk I’m gonna do something.” Also I remember I tried to leave because he said that and I was going to stand up for myself by just sitting far away from him. I got my backpack and he realized what I was going to do. So he again the same like when I said I was going to principal he tried to block my path and he got all mean and angry in my face.
Then a while later he started playing the good guy. He said he wasn’t going to do anything to me. Instead of following me to class he walked ahead of me and waited for me near my class and left when he saw me enter. He kept asking me “what’s wrong?” “What’s wrong?” Pretending to help meanwhile he was also my tormentor and also disrespecting me. It was a 180 switch. I don’t trust him. I feel like he was just trying to lower my guard. The abuser it still there behind the facade.

Me and a friend of mine are kinda tired to play minecraft alone and were trying to find an asian modded server based in either china/singapore/australia as long as its near so at least the ping doesnt kill us and so we could enjoy the game alongside others too.

So, you’re at your house during the apocalypse of 1979 where the world has gone to shit, and your mom wants you to come visit her. Luckily, you have your work cut out for you! There’s a massive road right in front of your house that should take you directly to her, but who knows how long that will take? You must prepare for the wasteland to make it to your mom’s house. In this survival guide I’ll show you how to survive The Long Drive, so put on your seatbelt!

Preparation

Step 1: Personal protection

Before you begin your journey, you must bring supplies. I’m sure you’ve looked around and seen the mess that is your home, which can be a bit overwhelming. The first thing I would do is get a weapon. There are killer bunnies and zombie mutant things out there that want your organs, so you need some protection. Luckily, this is America.
First option: The moment you enter the garage, you'll see a wooden gun on the desk to your left. This is the BB gun; a single-shot gun that shoots tiny BBs. Not the most effective, but ammo is plentiful. I would only use that as a last resort.
Second option: go outside to the back of the house and go up the stairs. Across the room, you’ll see a katana. It’s a great weapon and will kill everything in one or two swings. A few issues with that though: 1, you need to get close to your enemies, which can be quite dangerous. 2, swinging that blade of death around can be hazardous in tight spaces since you could accidentally hit something explosive or break the nice base you built on your vehicle. Still a viable option, but not the best one to start with.
Third and final option: The old revolver. Like most American citizens, you have a gun hidden in your chimney. It’s a bit tricky to get to, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. Near your bed, there’s an old stove thing. Behind that is a brick pillar. If you stand on your bed and look at the space between the stove and the pillar, you’ll see a tiny trapdoor. Open it, and squeeze your way into the gap. Now you must be a bit careful since you can get stuck in the chimney. Press “Q” or whatever your lean key bind is, and move your mouse to the side while looking down. Once you see the revolver, grab it and move your mouse back quickly.
Now there are two possible outcomes: 1, you made it out with the gun. 2, you didn’t move fast enough and got stuck in the chimney. If you got the first one, skip this paragraph. If you got the second, I’m sorry you need to read this. To get unstuck, you need to do exactly what you did to get in there. Precise crouch with the scroll wheel, and lean out of the trapdoor. It might take a bit, but it’s better than pointing the revolver at your head.
The revolver is a great starting weapon, as it can one-hit most of the time. You only get 6 shots until you find ammo, so it’s good to have a backup.

Step 2: Vehicular maintenance

Now that you’re armed, you can start working on your vehicle. The first thing you should do is find the gas cap. Once you find it, take a look at what’s already in it. If it’s just gasoline, you got a good car, and you can just put some gas in it. (Gas can is located under the bench to the left of the door you use to enter the garage) If it has gas AND oil, then you have a tricky one. Not all two-stroke cars are bad, (I’m talking about the camper van-looking thing, or the pickup truck one) but most are. They’re a pain in the ass. You need to have a mixture of 95% gasoline, and 5% oil. (Oil can be found on top/in a barrel straight across from the door you use to enter the garage.) I highly recommend looking for a different engine on your journey that has a spot for the oil. Lastly, the tank could have diesel in it. If it does, you got lucky. Diesel is, in my opinion, the best fuel in the game. (PRO TIP: If you’re not satisfied with the vehicle you got, return to the main menu, wait 10 minutes, and then start a new game. The vehicle you get changes every 10 minutes.)
Gasoline is much more abundant than diesel, but not as efficient. As a bonus, there’s a barrel of diesel in the basement, so you start with more diesel than gasoline.
Once you’re fueled up, make sure you put oil in the engine, if you have a gas/diesel engine. Lift the hood and open the oil cap! Next, find the radiator. It’s a metal plate right in front of the engine. If your vehicle doesn’t have a radiator, that means it’s air-cooled. Fill the radiator up with water, which can be found in the sink, or barrels/jerry cans all over the house (even outside!) Next, you need to take care of your tires. Since the garage is already really cramped, I recommend driving your car outside. Don’t forget to engage the parking brake (space) and turn the engine off! (“I” for ignition) Once you’re out there, remove the hubcaps from the wheels so that you can take them off. Next, remove the wheels. Once you have the wheels removed, take off the rubber tires. I like to put them all in one place, so I can make sure they’re all in the same condition. Depending on what vehicle you have, you can use the spare tires from the garage, if they’re in better condition. Use sponges or Jizz-O-Nit to make the tires squeaky clean! Do NOT use a wire brush. It will worsen the condition of the tires. Make sure to keep them all in the same condition, or it will decrease driving performance! Finally, re-assemble the wheels.
Any spare cleaning tools can be used to make the vehicle look a bit nicer. If your car has any removable seats, you should get rid of ‘em. Every bit of space helps. If you’re using a gasoline engine, you can still bring the barrel of diesel just in case. You might decide to upgrade to one of the IFV variants or the bus! Food-wise, I only bring meat. It’s the best food in the game. Lots of meat can be found in the attic. Next, fill up as many containers as you can with water. Gotta stay hydrated! PRO TIP: Don’t fill barrels up all the way; you won’t be able to move them! Lastly, you can grab anything you want to bring with you on the trip. It’s gonna be a long one! Now, you’re ready to begin THE LONG DRIVE!

The Long Drive

Navigation

Unless you plan on leaving the road (which I don’t recommend,) it’s easy to stay on track. Just make sure the powerline poles are on the right side of the road. Rocks and trees can spawn on the road, so pay attention! A collision won’t be fatal the first time, but crashing a second time while there’s still blood on the dashboard will be. Cacti will break on impact, but sometimes it registers as a collision, so don’t take that chance. If you happen to see an interesting building that’s far from the road, try and use a compass. The best method is to point the compass at the place you want to go and set the arrow to point in the opposite direction (behind you.) If you don’t have a compass, try and keep the road in sight.

Looting

If you’re like me, you’ll want to take every item you find. That’s fine, but always prioritize the safety of yourself, your car, and your Rubber Wife or other companions. Only take meat, unless you’re desperate. Remember, they’re the best food source! If you need to boost your health, drink some alcohol or blood. Blood is preferable because alcohol makes you thirsty. Always grab fuel and water; you can never have too much! If you need a new weapon, the legendary AK is the best choice. It has high ammo capacity, and it’s full auto. (It also one-hits!) If you find a shovel or a metal detector, grab ‘em. They can help you find items buried in the sand. Sunglasses don’t just look cool, they reduce glare from that damn sun. Try and keep your vehicle balanced, otherwise, you’ll lose control!

Grand theft auto

If you have a shitty car, or you’re just sick of the one you have, stealing a car is the best option for you! There are only a few cars that can only be found in the wild:

• The bus - This vehicle has two variants; one main section, or two sections connected. The latter of the two is fun, but a bit harder to operate. The bus has lots of space for storage, and has an amazing diesel engine!
• The IFV - This truck has 3 variants, which all use the same diesel engine. For now, I’ll be talking about the pickup variant. As you might have guessed, this one has a big wooden bed for storage. To the left of the driver’s seat, there’s a lever that can be used to raise/lower the bed, like a dump truck! (Note: the engine has to be on for it to work.)
• The IFV (tanker variant) - This one has a giant fuel tank instead of a truck bed. It can hold 3000 liters of any fluid. (Yes, even piss.) This tank usually has fluids in it when you find it, which can be anything (gas, diesel, oil, water, blood, piss, and alcohol.) This tank has a few neat features. The faucet on the side can be positioned right over the IFV’s fuel tank, for easy refuel! (Don’t try it while moving.) On the top, there’s a big opening that allows you to refill it almost instantly. Just make sure to close it when you’re done; it will spill!
• The IFV (military variant) - This is a personal favorite of mine. The bed of the truck is replaced with a metal tent-looking thing. Sometimes it has all of the flaps and doors, sometimes it doesn’t. The back has an opening that can have a door, so you can get inside. A small panel on the roof can be removed, letting in that beautiful sun. The flaps on the side can open and close too. Above the passenger seat, there’s a “turret hole” thing. It opens, and you can press “E” to get out/stand on the roof of the cabin. This is exclusive to the military variant.
• The car carrier - remember that two-stroke car carrier I mentioned earlier? Yeah, this is it. It can hold a small car pretty well, but the physics lock doesn’t work so it can fall off. It’s also really hard to get a car on there in the first place, but it looks cool when you do! This vehicle is great for transporting a custom car that you’re working on.
• The Plymouth Fury - This thing is a force of nature. It’s the fastest (and coolest) vehicle in the game. Not the most fuel-efficient, but the abundance of gasoline makes up for it. This is the rarest car in the game. It has two possible color schemes: a gold and black one, and a silver one. This car can also have tinted windows. One of the few downsides to this vehicle is the radio. It has one, but it only plays AM stations. Besides that, this car is the fastest, and one of the most stable, vehicles in the game.

Conclusion

Finally, we reach the end. It’s been fun folks, but now you’re ready to see your mom. Take care, and have fun!

Hi everyone,
I intend to re-download this awesome game in a near future. I stopped playing years ago as I felt a bit burnt out (I really played a lot back then), but now I really miss it and would like to get back to it.
​
One of the great pleasures I had was to discover by myself what works best for my intentions (whether RP or gameplay), but I found very frustrating that some decisions could be very punitive (I remember saving to buy what sounded to me like the perfect ship for my purpose, only to discover after purchase and many attempts to make it ok that I wasted years and years worth of income into some second-zone crappy flying bin).
​
My question is unusual in that I am not asking what are the best things (weapons, ships etc.) to buy, the best jobs to pick, etc., but rather what should I stay away from no matter what if I don't want my run to be ruined by a stupid mistake?
A bad decision is ok and part of the fun and the learning curve, I am talking about actually ruining a run.
Thanks in advance :)

Oh man.
This has to be the most difficult thing I have ever done. For context, I am a college student who has smoked consistently, nearly every day, for the last two years. In high school, I was pretty good about keeping away from weed, only allowing myself to partake in the summer. With COVID, everything changed, and the time spent indoors turned to boredom, which turned to dependence.
Before quitting, I would pack nearly three bowls a day. It was not uncommon for me to buy about an ounce every week. I loved being high. But then I failed a semester. And then another. And then I couldn’t afford rent this month. I lost motivation to get out of bed, to go to work, and to survive. Again, this was before quitting.
It’s now Day 3, and I can’t tell if the mental or physical symptoms are worse. I’ve not been able to stomach a single bite of food. The little that I do eat, I can barely taste it. And then, I’m lucky if I can even keep the food down and not throw it up. Last night, I took my partner out to dinner. Just staring at the food and smelling it made me nauseous. I got to my car, started to tingle in my fingers and face, and passed out.
I can’t sleep. Most days I’d smoke before crashing, drifting off in a cozy daze. I stared at my ceiling for a good hour before finally crashing, only to wake up an hour later with stomach pains. When I smoked regularly, I found it hard to wake up before 10 a.m. These last few days, I’ve gotten up no later than 7:30 (and I don’t like it!).
My brain feels like it wants to pop. I try to be a calm and collected person, but these withdrawal symptoms have sent me on a rampage, driven by irrational anger. I threw my phone against the floor, breaking the camera, after reading a text message that set me off.
I’ve been lurking for a couple days now. I understand this is a process that takes time, but lately I’ve been contemplating admitting myself to the hospital due to the severe reactions I’m having. I may be malnourished to some degree, but I’m drinking plenty of water and Gatorade and taking vitamins.
I visit family this weekend, family who all have a notorious weed habit. My brother tends to be my greater contributor when in town, and I’m trying to find the strength to tell him no when he offers, but I’m afraid that I won’t be able to. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

I am newly dating a guy (nearly 2 months exclusive and both deleted dating apps) who is going away soon to work for 2 months. I am worried about us when he goes and I told him about my worry and he said not to worry and not to put pressure on it. He said a few weeks ago he has access to wifi, to use fb messenger and we can call each other and speak everyday however yesterday when I mentioned my worry when we were on a date he seemed so blazè about it and did add that sometimes when he does long shifts he may not have access to his phone often so may not be able to contact me everyday but the other week he said he would, now I feel like he is backtracking. I tried to explain to him he has been going away with work a long time so he is experienced in this however I am not so do need reassurance a bit more. He also said things should be fine if the sparks still there when he’s away but surely frequent contact nurtures the spark? How do I go about having another convo about this before he leaves in a manner he will understand and so I can gauge where he’s at.

Hey guys, visiting destin with my gf in September and will be proposing on the beach. Looking for some photographer recommendations for someone near Miramar beach. I found some options on Insta but looking for more. Please let me know if you have anyone in mind and drop their Insta if possible.
Thanks!

Examples to understand my point:
We treat elders with respect without even knowing their background or who they are or how wise they are.
Some teenagers might be wiser and smarter than some adults or simply be more right to an argument etc. But nearly all the time it will happen what the parent, or teacher, or adult wants.
We treat younger people than us with less respect and we don’t take their opinions seriously, we are close minded, we don’t even listen carefully to what they say and we think we are always more right than them, so even if they are right we will not take them seriously because we don’t see them as equals.
Please tell me your opinion to discuss it :)

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Right, I’m currently chockablock with plans this summer and I’m also currently in college too, which is ending soon. Nearing the end of June I’m going to start looking for jobs… however right now I’ve underestimated how much money I’ve spent by being impulsive and I really really really need a quick way to get cash that’s not loans or credit or anything like that.
Please don’t suggest the obvious with OF and that because 1. I’m ugly, and 2. to do shit like that you need to advertise and have a base following etc and it’s too much work for me right now. I don’t have any friends, my neighbours act rude towards me so I can’t mow their lawns or offer to walk their dogs. I’m in the UK and I just want to know if there’s ANYTHING that I can do to get quick money before I start looking for jobs.
Also nothing to do with gambling in bingo or slots or betting as that’s what’s gotten me into this mess to begin with.

So I was doing a delivery only last night and while I’m helping load the customer shows up. The Walmart employees nor I knew what to do. We explained that we would have to load them to get them off my app for delivery. After the customer left the Walmart employee gave me the label and said to scan it after I completed my first drop off. Wouldn’t you know it wouldn’t let me because I wasn’t close to the home. I drove over (luckily it was less than 2 miles away) and got near the apartment and scanned and took a picture.In the drop off notes I put that the customer showed up and this is what Walmart recommended. My question is now do I find out who tipped what? It was a $30 tip between both orders but I’m waiting for the customer to yank it because they picked it up. I just want to be prepared.

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I (34m) recently reconnected with a childhood friend (34f) of mine from elementary school through tinder. She was my favorite friend from those early years, we lived across the street from each other. Even my very first memory from my very first year of school is of her. She moved away sometime after fourth grade.
She wasn't just some random girl I fell for, she was one of my best childhood friends. A part of who I am today.
We connected quickly, sparks flying in text, and decided to move it to instagram. She was very enthusiastic in meeting me and we set up a date. I picked her up from her home and we went for a walk in a park with my dog. It was unbelievable how much we had in common, from interests to values. It was too good to be true. After the walk I casually mentioned I had placed a reservation at a restaurant near her. She was happy to extend the date so we drove to her place and walked to the restaurant. Ended up being a 4hr date, felt fucking magical. At the end of the date we hugged and she suggested we meet again next week.
The next few days I text her once a day, but I get this dreadful feeling I've felt before. She was pulling back, not being as responsive as before.
Finally she texts me this: "I've been thinking and need to say it out loud. Two things that I feel are semi red flags. First you said on your tinder profile you're not sure if you want kids. I had to end my last relationship because of this and I don't want to go through it again. Second, we are at nowhere at the same place in life. I'm completely done with my backpacking trips and ready for the next chapter of my life."
Now, I want to travel more but I exaggerated my desire a bit to, not really impress her, but express my adventurousness. But I'm never going on a long backpacking trip at this point tbh. And regarding kids, I was not being honest/accurate on tinder. I want a family more than anything in this life. (I've learned my lesson, I thought for some reason it would push girls away, and boy was I fucking stupid, ofc it pushes girls away but those are not the right girls for me) I explained both to her in text.
And just to be clear, I really want a committed relationship and a family more than anything.
I double texted a few hours later, thanking her for the date and telling her I hope we could still be friends. I thought this text might give her a way out, if she really wanted out.
Then my dumb ass triple texted her at 2am because I was having an anxiety attack like I've never had before. It felt like I was drugged up, I have never experienced something like this. My text was: "I can't sleep because of how dumb I was to not be honest. I want a family with the right girl, and I believed it might be you. It would take priority over all dumb travel plans. Sorry for opening up like that, I feel like a total idiot."
She did not log into ig for about 2 days after she sent me her message and so didn't read any of my messages until then.
She finally replied "Sorry, I had a bit of a breakdown. I think I'm not ready yet, I think I need a bit more time before I can continue. Thanks for the evening though, it was very nice. Can I maybe contact you later when I'm feeling better."
I would have taken it as a rejection if she hadn't added that last line "can I maybe contact you later when I'm feeling better". I don't understand why she added that line if she was rejecting me.
I replied of course, and that she should take her time.
Two weeks pass, and my anxiety and depression is killing me. I decide to send her a message saying "Hey, how are you feeling? I know it's not been long, but I just wanted to check up on you. I want you to know I fully understand if you are healing and need more time. Emotionally I am ready to try to build up a relationship and would be more than happy to meet you again if you feel the same."
She read the message. 3 weeks have passed since then.
My mental health has plummeted. I continued talking to and dating other girls, because I know I can't just stop and wait for her, because I don't even know if she'll reach out to me again. But all I can think about is her. And that is not fair to other girls I'm dating. If she reached out I would drop all other girls.
Am I out of line here thinking there is still a chance? Wtf do I do? I am trying to move on but I just can't because there is still this tiny hope. I've kinda just accepted I have to live with this crazy anxiety for the foreseeable future because wtf am I supposed to do? I can't force myself to forget her, I've often thought of her before we reconnected. And I can't just go to her house and demand an answer, that's fucking stalker territory and I would just selfishly be making this about me when she clearly expressed she was still processing her previous breakup.
Back in my mind I fear she was rejecting me and is seeing other guys. But I can't reach that conclusion because of our history and the last thing she said to me.
Ultimately I will need an answer though. This is not your typical ghost story so don't tell me I have my answer if she never contacts me again. We were friends. I wanted to regain my childhood friend even if a relationship would not work out. I feel as if I lost my friend all over again, and that is the worst part.

So firstly. I have the nose of a blood hound and also am super paranoid.
I live in a crappy rental that still have a fuse box and outlets hanging out of the walls and stuff, I hate this place. Thankfully the building is being demolished in a few months so we're out of here.
Untill then i got 2 weird smells i cant figure out, and im gonna be honest, its throwing me into panic attacks.
First one is a weird smell coming from our bedroom vent. Now as far as ive been told this vent isnt even hooked up. Its a strange staticy dusty smell. I dont know what could cause it, but the staticy part freaks me out. I did stick my head in the crawl space above the ceiling and can't smell anything up there. It's literally like this grey gravel sand mixture up there and the only wires I could see were to lights we never use. And as far as i can tell from my father in law working on the lights, if the switch is off there is no power to them.
I also smelt a sweet smell for a day but also my neighbourghs place smelled similar so i think maybe she made something, i havent smelled the sweet smell in 2 days.
Also the heat is shut off cause when it was kicking in I smelt a kinda burnt smell for the first second or two of air if that's relevent. .
Second smell is in the living room. Its a warm plastic smell. Not hot or burning plstic but warm, it's in one corner that has no outlets or anything, maybe a little across the front wall where there are outlets, but strongest in the corner with none.
Now my neighbourgh has a portable AC, it's right in that corner up against that wall that we share, its only flimsy drywall seperating us. It smells like its strongest against that wall and i assumrd it was just her AC but it smells wether she is running it or not.
Anyways landlord is apprently an electrical engineer and said that if anything was wrong electrical wise if would smell like burning plastic so idk.
I'm just absolutly freaking out and want to just call the non emergency fire department but my fiance says that this place isn't up to code and he doesn't want them to kick us out.
It also doesn't help that other people don't seem to really notice the smell, my fiance did say he smelt something weird once but that was it. I would say I'm crazy but I don't smell these things anywhere else just in thr bedroom and living room.
Any help is appreciated cause I'm at the point of breaking down for the thousandth time over this nightmare place. Also im near Toronto if that matters for code or anything.
I'd have our own electrician come out but we cant afford it sadly. Any help would be awesome.
Also the lights flicker in here alot, but it's the whole place. So idk if that has anything to do with it, but I don't smell anything from the fuse box, I'm a little too paranoid to open it right now.
Again thank you for any and all help.

This trendy donut shop in donuts near me puts a focus on fun toppings (in case you couldn’t tell.) Some of the best donuts in Albuquerque you should try are the Marge Simpson Sprinkle and Over the Rainbow. They serve coffee as well and because they’re all about having fun, they allow schools to have field trips at their locations. P.S. Their website is WILD! Exploring it was the most fun I’ve had all week.

If anyone here is just a hobbiest like me looking into getting a pair of real (not welder tip cleaners) nut files, stay away from these on Amazon.
I am absolutely blown away by how bad these are. They aren't anywhere near close to the advertised sizes and they're all going to form V notches rather than snug straight walled slots. And the worst part is that many of them have a conCAVE filing end, rather than a convex one, that would, you know, actually cut a slot a string could sit in.
Absolutely terrible awful garbage. Not salvageable in the slightest.
I got these thinking they look awfully close to the hosco files which are twice the price. Turns out they aren't just branded different, but are indeed a knockoff. If anyone knows of the hoscos are even good let me know. I guess I'm just going to shell out the big bucks.

I have always been, what some might refer to as, a thicc boi; I have 19 years soccer experience to thank for that. Unfortunately, I am now 33--and I have not worked out since pre-Covid.
Fast forward to this week. I am back in the gym and my thighs are clapping hard enough to signal all of Thundera to combat (circa 1985, not 2011).
Holy birthday cake, Batman: the chaffing.
Am I to forsake my boxer briefs and doomed to forever don athletic sliders? Can I utilize Vaseline in hopes of squelching the dying breath of William Wallace (Gibson, 1995, 02:44:10) reverberating from my shorts? Would the application of such near my netherbits scorn me as I have felt from the likes of Icy Hot, Bengay (schwing), and Tiger Balm?
Tune in next week.